Wedding When you give money as a wedding gift...

[musey]

Fill in the blank:

 

[bee*]

I would love them to get themselves something nice, but to be honest I don''t care what they spend it on.

 

[CDNinNYC]

Date: 9/27/2008 1:39:54 PM
Author: bee*
I would love them to get themselves something nice, but to be honest I don''t care what they spend it on.

Agreed.

 

[purrfectpear]

I don''t give money, I choose gifts that I believe will be special to the couple (as I know them). If I were to receive an invitation to a wedding where I wasn''t close to the couple I might send money. Then I wouldn''t care what they did with it (but I probably wouldn''t bother to attend the wedding either).

 

[Lill_The_Thrill]

I don't care what they do with the money, Throwing a wedding is really expensive these days (even smaller ones), So I usually try to cover "my cost" for being there...If that makes any sense.

 

[CNOS128]

Maybe it''s because we''re old, but most of our friends have so many belongings already, they''d really rather receive gifts of money to put toward whatever expenses they have. Also, we recently attended the wedding of a relative, and opted to give money because the registry was almost entirely completed -- mostly because they''d had an engagement party AND a bridal shower, to which we (and everyone else) brought gifts from the registry.

But I know people of my parents'' generation who would like their money gifts spent on specific gift items, and would like said items to be mentioned (raved about) in the thank you notes.

 

[neatfreak]

I want them to do something *important to them* with it, but I don''t care what it is!

 

[allycat0303]

When I give money, it''s because I know that a wedding is really expensive and I hope they can use the money to help defray the cost. If not, I hope they use it on whatever makes them happy.

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 9/27/2008 2:33:47 PM
Author: neatfreak
I want them to do something *important to them* with it, but I don''t care what it is!

I agree!

 

[sna77]

I would never give anything other than money for a wedding gift. Anyone that thinks 99% of young couples starting out want anything but money is crazy. The gift isn''t about you, or showing how creative you can be. Just give cash. Very simple...

 

[musey]

Date: 9/27/2008 9:59:18 PM
Author: sna77
I would never give anything other than money for a wedding gift. Anyone that thinks 99% of young couples starting out want anything but money is crazy. The gift isn't about you, or showing how creative you can be. Just give cash. Very simple...

Fair enough (though I tend to respectfully disagree), but that doesn't really have much to do with the question, does it?

The poll is going about how I thought it would. I was having a discussion with my mother re: what we were meant to do with a very sizable check from FI's grandmother. I thought stuffing it in our savings was just fine, where mom thought we were supposed to use it to buy something big (say, a new bed). So I was curious what most people would prefer their cash gift to be used for (if they even have a preference).

Would anyone be hurt or think it was inappropriate for a couple to simply deposit a wedding gift check into their savings?

 

[violet02]

I wouldn''t. I''ve been putting any checks we''ve gotten into our savings acct. If you got a sizeable amount why would you just spend it on something large just because? Better to save it!

 

[bee*]

If we get any cheques or anything we''re just going to pop it into our savings account too so I see nothing wrong with doing that if that''s what you want.

 

[qtiekiki]

I don't care what they spend it on. I just give more than enough to cover for the cost of me being there, so they have some extra money to spend or save.

 

[sna77]

Date: 9/28/2008 2:03:54 AM
Author: musey

Date: 9/27/2008 9:59:18 PM
Author: sna77
I would never give anything other than money for a wedding gift. Anyone that thinks 99% of young couples starting out want anything but money is crazy. The gift isn''t about you, or showing how creative you can be. Just give cash. Very simple...

Fair enough (though I tend to respectfully disagree), but that doesn''t really have much to do with the question, does it?

The poll is going about how I thought it would. I was having a discussion with my mother re: what we were meant to do with a very sizable check from FI''s grandmother. I thought stuffing it in our savings was just fine, where mom thought we were supposed to use it to buy something big (say, a new bed). So I was curious what most people would prefer their cash gift to be used for (if they even have a preference).

Would anyone be hurt or think it was inappropriate for a couple to simply deposit a wedding gift check into their savings?

Whoops... Sorry, I answered the poll but didnt write my response... I could care less what they do with money... Its a gift... Ideallly, they would be able to use it for their savings... Sadly, most will probably pay bills / etc... thats the point though... young couples have so little money, giving anything other than money is inapproproate...

 

[zoebartlett]

We usually give money as a wedding gift, although there have been times when I''ve given a gift instead. I think that if you give money to a couple, you hope that it will go to something important, as Neatfreak said, but in the end, you need to be okay with whatever the couple decides to do with it. Whew -- long sentence!

 

[Ellen]

I rarely give money, I prefer buying gifts. But if there''s a time where I give money, I don''t think about what I want them to do with it. It''s a gift, and once it''s given, it''s their''s to do with what they wish!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 9/28/2008 6:24:32 AM
Author: sna77

Date: 9/28/2008 2:03:54 AM

Author: musey

Date: 9/27/2008 9:59:18 PM

Author: sna77

I would never give anything other than money for a wedding gift. Anyone that thinks 99% of young couples starting out want anything but money is crazy. The gift isn''t about you, or showing how creative you can be. Just give cash. Very simple...

Fair enough (though I tend to respectfully disagree), but that doesn''t really have much to do with the question, does it?

The poll is going about how I thought it would. I was having a discussion with my mother re: what we were meant to do with a very sizable check from FI''s grandmother. I thought stuffing it in our savings was just fine, where mom thought we were supposed to use it to buy something big (say, a new bed). So I was curious what most people would prefer their cash gift to be used for (if they even have a preference).


Would anyone be hurt or think it was inappropriate for a couple to simply deposit a wedding gift check into their savings?

Whoops... Sorry, I answered the poll but didnt write my response... I could care less what they do with money... Its a gift... Ideallly, they would be able to use it for their savings... Sadly, most will probably pay bills / etc... thats the point though... young couples have so little money, giving anything other than money is inapproproate...

I think it''s pretty rude to tell people that if they give a gift other than $ that it''s inappropriate?? Since when did gift giving become inappropriate unless it''s cash?

I agree with you that money is often preferred, but that certainly doesn''t mean other gifts are inappropriate IMO...

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/27/2008 9:59:18 PM
Author: sna77
I would never give anything other than money for a wedding gift. Anyone that thinks 99% of young couples starting out want anything but money is crazy. The gift isn''t about you, or showing how creative you can be. Just give cash. Very simple...

Um, thanks.

I give gifts (good lord, I''m agasp at how many "inappropriate" gifts I''ve given over the years) because I think it''s more meaningful, in the long run. I still have a few gifts I received as wedding presents (26 years now). One in particular that I use to serve melted butter/sauces with. Every time I use it, I think of the dear friend who gave it to me, and that makes me smile. Those smiles are worth a lot more than the small amount of cash I might have gotten instead.

I really go out of my way though, to get a gift that I think they will appreciate, I put a lot of thought into it, taking their taste into consideration.

Also, I don''t believe almost all couples want cash, many want things they either wouldn''t buy themselves, or couldn''t afford on their own. Those can be achieved as a gift on a registry, which most brides do.

Nothing wrong with cash, but I think you''re putting too much emphasis on it....

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I tend to mix it up dependant on the couple...and I think it''s very appropriate, thank you very much. Say, if a couple is older...stable...I will probably give them a gift, something along the lines of nothing they''d ever think to buy themselves. However, if a couple is younger...just starting out...I will probably give cash.

However, when I do give cash...I hope the couple does with it whatever they feel is best. If they want a new bed...go for it. If they want to invest it, or save it...go for it. If they want to try and double it in Vegas...count me in, too!

A gift is a gift is a gift....once it''s signed sealed and delivered, it''s theirs.

 

[risingsun]

I usually give money and hope the couple will use it in any way they choose. If the couple has a registry, I may pick a gift from that because they have expressed a desire for a specific item. To say that a gift in a box is better than a gift of money sounds very strange to me. A gift of money offers choices.

 

[Cleopatra]

Date: 9/28/2008 11:28:26 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 9/27/2008 9:59:18 PM

Author: sna77

I would never give anything other than money for a wedding gift. Anyone that thinks 99% of young couples starting out want anything but money is crazy. The gift isn''t about you, or showing how creative you can be. Just give cash. Very simple...

Um, thanks.

I give gifts (good lord, I''m agasp at how many ''inappropriate'' gifts I''ve given over the years) because I think it''s more meaningful, in the long run. I still have a few gifts I received as wedding presents (26 years now). One in particular that I use to serve melted butter/sauces with. Every time I use it, I think of the dear friend who gave it to me, and that makes me smile. Those smiles are worth a lot more than the small amount of cash I might have gotten instead.

I really go out of my way though, to get a gift that I think they will appreciate, I put a lot of thought into it, taking their taste into consideration.


Also, I don''t believe almost all couples want cash, many want things they either wouldn''t buy themselves, or couldn''t afford on their own. Those can be achieved as a gift on a registry, which most brides do.


Nothing wrong with cash, but I think you''re putting too much emphasis on it....

I agree with Ellen. My DH and I got married nearly 2 months ago and we are a young couple. We were very excited to get cash (as most people are). But, we already have a fully furnished home and substantial savings. Honestly, I (I know DH could care less) was more excited about getting a place setting of our china, or crystal or flatware - because these things will be kept forever. Everytime we use our china, we will think of our wedding day and of the very thoughtful people who gifted these items to us.

To say 99% would prefer cash is absolutely WAY overestimated. Despite what many people think, young couples do appreciate a thoughtful gift.


But to answer the original question, I think that if I were to give cash to a couple, I wouldn''t care either way how they spend it - as long as it''s spent/saved in a way that''s important to them.

 

[omieluv]

I prefer giving cash, as I would rather have the couple decide what they want to do with it, whether it is to go to savings, wedding expenses/bills or to purchasing items they never knew they needed. However, if there was something on the registry that had not been purchased that I know they really want, I would not be adverse to purchasing it. Whenever BF and I get married, we hardly would be considered a 'young' couple starting out (we are in our early 30's). We will of course register at a few stores for items we really need, however, we will definitely welcome cash, as we will be paying for the wedding ourselves.

 

[mayachel]

I know that I''m the sort of person for whom if I receive money as a gift, I will use it for whatever needs to be paid...bills, groceries etc... for this reason, I prefer to give gifts, off the registry or not. Yet, I''ve had friends who relocated to another country to set up home just after their wedding, and couldn''t imagine the stress of shipping things. Money was the easiest way to know that they could transport and purchase whatever they desired. Considering money and lack there of, is potentially a major stressor in relationships, I think if you need it for groceries, great. Use it for groceries.

 

[swingirl]

I don''t want to know what they do with it. It''s my gift to them.

 

[sna77]

Date: 9/28/2008 11:31:43 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I tend to mix it up dependant on the couple...and I think it''s very appropriate, thank you very much. Say, if a couple is older...stable...I will probably give them a gift, something along the lines of nothing they''d ever think to buy themselves. However, if a couple is younger...just starting out...I will probably give cash.



However, when I do give cash...I hope the couple does with it whatever they feel is best. If they want a new bed...go for it. If they want to invest it, or save it...go for it. If they want to try and double it in Vegas...count me in, too!



A gift is a gift is a gift....once it''s signed sealed and delivered, it''s theirs.

I guess I should have said "gifts not on the registry.". There''s a difference between buying a place setting of china off someone''s registry vs. going out on your own and buying a set of candlesticks or something....

Oh and I agree witg what someone postef above... Your cash gift should be enough to at least cover your plate.... Personally, I feel giving less than that is rude...

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 9/28/2008 4:01:28 PM
Author: sna77

Date: 9/28/2008 11:31:43 AM

Author: Italiahaircolor

I tend to mix it up dependant on the couple...and I think it''s very appropriate, thank you very much. Say, if a couple is older...stable...I will probably give them a gift, something along the lines of nothing they''d ever think to buy themselves. However, if a couple is younger...just starting out...I will probably give cash.



However, when I do give cash...I hope the couple does with it whatever they feel is best. If they want a new bed...go for it. If they want to invest it, or save it...go for it. If they want to try and double it in Vegas...count me in, too!



A gift is a gift is a gift....once it''s signed sealed and delivered, it''s theirs.

I guess I should have said ''gifts not on the registry.''. There''s a difference between buying a place setting of china off someone''s registry vs. going out on your own and buying a set of candlesticks or something....


Oh and I agree witg what someone postef above... Your cash gift should be enough to at least cover your plate.... Personally, I feel giving less than that is rude...

Really??? Do you invite people to parties at your house and force them to pay a cover charge for their food and drink? Because you''re implying the same with your wedding...

When I host a party I expect to pay. Period. If people WANT to gift, then they should gift the amount they are comfortable with. There should be no expectation IMO...

 

[Rhea]

It''s a gift, the receiver can do whatever they like with it.

 

[sna77]

Date: 9/28/2008 4:58:12 PM
Author: neatfreak


Really??? Do you invite people to parties at your house and force them to pay a cover charge for their food and drink? Because you're implying the same with your wedding...

When I host a party I expect to pay. Period. If people WANT to gift, then they should gift the amount they are comfortable with. There should be no expectation IMO...

Of course not... but when I show up for parties at other's house I never come empty-handed... whether I bring wine, food, etc... i always bring something...

With regards to the wedding gift, I was just saying that I wouldn't sleep at night if my gift didn't cover my plate charge for a wedding...

 

[Rhea]

Date: 9/28/2008 4:01:28 PM
Author: sna77

Date: 9/28/2008 11:31:43 AM

Author: Italiahaircolor

I tend to mix it up dependant on the couple...and I think it's very appropriate, thank you very much. Say, if a couple is older...stable...I will probably give them a gift, something along the lines of nothing they'd ever think to buy themselves. However, if a couple is younger...just starting out...I will probably give cash.



However, when I do give cash...I hope the couple does with it whatever they feel is best. If they want a new bed...go for it. If they want to invest it, or save it...go for it. If they want to try and double it in Vegas...count me in, too!



A gift is a gift is a gift....once it's signed sealed and delivered, it's theirs.

I guess I should have said 'gifts not on the registry.'. There's a difference between buying a place setting of china off someone's registry vs. going out on your own and buying a set of candlesticks or something....


Oh and I agree witg what someone postef above... Your cash gift should be enough to at least cover your plate.... Personally, I feel giving less than that is rude...

Then I'm rude. I give what I, as someone who works at a charity and has a husband who is in school, can afford. If that's $20 then it's $20. I don't see the need to avoid attending a wedding because I can't afford to cover my plate. The couple chose what type of wedding they want. I shouldn't and don't feel the need to cover my plate because of their choices if I can't afford it.