Home When will you allow your children to drink alcohol?

TravelingGal · Nov 16, 2009

Thinking about the current booze thread in hangout, here''s a question for you moms and dads...

At what age will you allow your child to drink in the home?

MichelleCarmen · Nov 16, 2009

My grandparents are very traditionally european and served drinks at EVERY holiday meal. They''d make ice cream with fruit and hard liquer and they ALWAYS made mine the same way. It tasted gross and I always just wanted plain ice cream. Once I even got a slight buzz from that combined with the 1/2 glass of wine they gave me. (I think I was about 12 years old) My parents also gave me wine with holiday meals.

Not sure about my kids because we do not drink wine or hard liquer. Only beer. I do not think it''s appropriate to crack open one just because it''s Thanksgiving/Christmas. I would prefer to wait until they''re each 18 before having drinks *at home.*

meresal · Nov 16, 2009

21.

The exact same way that my parents were with me. I had my frist real drink with my friends around 17, but I had my first beverage in front of my family at my graduation party before the ceremony. It was one glass of champagne from a bottle that my parents bought when I was born. That was the last drink in front of my parents until my 21st birthday.

I think it helped me to realize what is acceptable behavior around my elders and what is expected of me in public situations with my parents.

My parents never had alcohol in the home, which I think helped stave off the "want" to try it for me and my siblings. I'm hoping that DH will be ok with a separate fridge for his beers, becuase I don't want our children seeing the bottles and cans when they open the fridge for a snack pack.

neatfreak · Nov 16, 2009

I will let them have a sip whenever they want to taste it and probably a glass of wine with dinner sometime in their late teens. Personally I'd rather them not think it's this shiny enticing prize they get at age 21 that they need to go nuts with. I lived in Europe for a year in my teens and learned about alcohol there-and I think it's smart. They drink BEFORE they learn to drive so they know what alcohol can do to you before they are behind the wheel. And while I lived there not ONE of my friends got drunk-IMO because it was never restricted to begin with so there was no need to drink all you can-because they always knew it would be there the next day.

Like anything else putting something off limits usually makes it more appealing.

That being said, I will NEVER allow them to have friends over my house and drink nor will I allow them to drink all they want. I won't be one of those parents that buys their child and friends alcohol either.

MichelleCarmen · Nov 16, 2009

Drinking around family is a very cultural thing, though. Not only did my grandparents serve me alcohol, they also would buy grapes and crush them and make wine, so to them, they saw it as an honor to share with everyone (including me - which as I said above, wasn''t a pleasant experience for me). Some "elders" do see a glass of wine for a younger person as acceptable.

TravelingGal · Nov 16, 2009

Yup, ditto with us.

I''m thinking mid teens to have a bit of wine on certain occasions. If in the states, you also have to check the laws. In California, it is perfectly legal to serve alcohol in to your children, whereas in some states it is against the law, period. I also will not allow any other kids to drink in my house because you don''t know how other parents feel.

meresal · Nov 16, 2009

MC. I understand that. That is why I specifically said "my" elders and "my" parents. In my family and my parents social circle it was not looked upon as appropriate.

Circe · Nov 16, 2009

Ditto to every word of this - I just posted in the Hangout thread to much the same effect. I grew up around alcohol, and it demystified it: I saw it as a fun regular perk, like having chocolate, rather than some wonderful forbidden thing that would signify adulthood and coolness. I think that it''s much healthier to have a glass of wine or two on a regular basis than to reserve it for special occasions and then go overboard, so that''s the example I''ll eventually set for my kids, in turn ....

packrat · Nov 16, 2009

They''ll be allowed when they''re of legal age. I''m sure they''ll sneak around beforehand like we did. Just sips now and again, I don''t see as a big deal, like we did as kids, asking to see what it tasted like.

geckodani · Nov 16, 2009

Yup. Alcohol was taboo in my house and I went NUTS when I got to college.

I''m with neat on letting my hypothetical kids have a taste of glass of wine with dinner in their late teens. I will NOT make it forbidden.

Agreed as well on the no hosting of drunken parties for teenagers!

princesss · Nov 16, 2009

We generally followed the rules of the country we were in, which is a system that worked pretty well for me. My parents did start letting me have drinks a little earlier than 18 (the law in the country we were in at the time), but not by a lot. Maybe a month or two? But at the same time, it's not like alcohol was a really forgein thing. I was always allowed tastes of whatever they were drinking, so I had a pretty good grip on what I liked.

I will say one thing they did that really cut down on me drinking a lot in college was they only drank higher quality alcohol so that's what I tasted. Knowing how good things can taste meant I avoided the cheap stuff, which meant pretty much everything my friends drank in college. I honestly couldn't afford to drink like my friends did if I drank what I liked, and I refuse to drink anything if I don't like the taste.

I'll probably do something similar with my kids, if I have them. Maybe start beer and wine at home a little earlier (around 16, most likely) so they've got a good grip on what it does to them before they leave home.

meresal · Nov 16, 2009

Neat and TG- I totally understand the "experiencing" the effects of alcohol before driving, but from my experiences in college, from the people I hung out with, it didn't matter how your parents treated alcohol in the home, they all drank in excess and none cared about driving.

I think parenting is the difference, not the alcohol.

The one thing I did notice, was that since I didn't grow up with alcohol, I didn't turn to it when I had a problem, like many of my friends that grew up drinking with their families did. I'm sure they weren't just glass of wine a special occassions though. I think they were more used to wine at every occassion.

I turned to family and friends. Alcohol to me is strictly for celebrating.

TravelingGal · Nov 16, 2009

People respond to things different ways...nature has a lot to do with it.

My dad drank all the time...definitely an alcoholic. We always had beer in the house he was a terrible drunk. My mother thought that the root of all evil was booze and frowned upon it BIG TIME (and in a way, still does.)

I think in a situation like that, kids can go either way. Some children of alcoholics experiment with it early themselves. I, on the other hand, did not touch a drop until I was 21 where I had my first sip and thought it was disgusting. I did not drink again until I was 24 and took off from there.

My parents were two extremes. I don''t think either way healthy. I feel lucky that somehow I was able to filter everything and manage alcohol responsibly (which is not to say I haven''t had a drunken night or two or three in my life!)

MonkeyPie · Nov 16, 2009

I had alcohol in small amounts on occasion - when I was three I would sit in my grandpa''s lap and take sips of his beer, and it was sooooo gross, but I wanted to be doing what he was doing! - and I think it really took the novelty away. I never got drunk as a teenager, or even drank with my friends at all, but I had pretty responsible friends.

I think it depends on the kid. If my child ends up being a rascal and enjoys breaking rules, I might be less inclined to let her try it.

sba771 · Nov 16, 2009

This! I knew too many people who went nuts with it at college as a result. Personally I didn''t really drink in college and still don''t, but not because I wasn''t allowed, but because I don''t like it. It does still make me look twice when I am at the supermarkets here and kids who look 10 years younger than I am are buying beer.

monarch64 · Nov 16, 2009

My dad was a drinker but my mother would not let him keep alcohol in the house. Her parents were supposedly "alcoholics" and she has a very strict definition of what constitutes alcoholism (it''s super conservative, believe me). She gave my father an ultimatum when I was 10 or 11 and he just stopped drinking, period. I grew up very sheltered and overprotected, and let me tell you, I dont remember a lot of my first 3 semesters at college. In fact, I took a break for 3 semesters before going back to finish my degree.

No way in the world will I make alcohol forbidden or even put an age restriction on it. I will most definitely keep it in my house and there will be open discussions about it as needed.

hlmr · Nov 16, 2009

I totally agree!! I am always saying that the driving and drinking ages should be reversed!

I am certainly much more liberal with my teenager than my parents were with me. So far it is working.

vespergirl · Nov 16, 2009

I would let my boys drink at home at 18, but only a glass of wine or beer with dinner or a glass of champagne at the holidays. I know that they''ll be doing plenty of binge drinking at college before they hit 21, but I wouldn''t condone or allow that behavior in my home.

Haven · Nov 16, 2009

My parents were extremely liberal with me, and I will not be the same with my own children.
Our future kids can drink in the house when they''re of legal age.

Octavia · Nov 16, 2009

Another vote of agreement here. And with any luck, we''ll be living in a place where this attitude is the norm by the time we actually have to deal with it.

janinegirly · Nov 16, 2009

Never! Kidding, I'm ok with a sip/glass over holidays and special occassions during early teens. I have a girl, but if it were a boy I'd be ok with beers with Dad around that time as well. More for exposure vs/ getting drunk of course.

I did have friends growing up with parents who allowed us to drink at their homes to our hearts content. Rational being at least we were being monitored and not driving etc. I thought it was great, but truth is it did not pare down our drinking when were not supervised etc. I went to boarding school and drinking was HUGE. I'm not sure access would have reduced drinking but probably would have reduced the intensity at least (trying to obtain it, drink strongest option for max effect, etc).

qtiekiki · Nov 16, 2009

Couldn''t said it better myself.

My parents let me having sips when I was quite young. Alcohol didn''t have the forbidden feeling to me, and I was always honest with my parents when I went out to party, whereas lot of my friends were lying to their strict parents about drinking and partying. And you know what, I rather know what and where my kids are doing and going.

packrat · Nov 16, 2009

When I graduated high school I ended up going from the drunk to the designated driver and the one my friends would call at 2am to come get them. I''d had a bad experience while drinking at a party when I was 16, and I got sick of how I felt and acted when I was drinking. My parents were SUPER strict-my brother and I went wild for a couple years and then decided to act like adults. My parents weren''t drinkers. My cousin, who I hung out with, had parents who let her do whatever she wanted, and she went wild for years and years-got sent away for awhile too. Her parents were recovering alcoholics. In our small Midwestern school, we figured out early that the exchange students were the ones who could find the booze and boy did they like to party. It didn''t take long to find the parents who would allow "only so much", b/c eventually they''d allow a little more and a little more. Those were just my experiences tho..that''s most certainly not to say that ALL exchange students are like that or that ALL parents who allow drinking are like that either. Just how it was here when I was growing up.

I would rather be the parent who will pick up my kids and their friends and take them home so they don''t drive if they''ve been drinking, than the parent who lets my kids and their friends drink at my house if they''re underage. The kids can have the option of telling their parents what they''ve been doing, or I will. Regardless of how mature they are, it''s still under legal age. I''m not that cool of a parent to do that.

I''ve let my kids taste my beer and wine, but they won''t be hanging out w/me at 16, drinking.

snlee · Nov 16, 2009

I will let them have a sip when they are interested as a teenager. Both my DH and I hardly drink any alcohol so they only time there is some around is at family get togethers. If they choose to drink more than a sip, I probably won''t allow until they are 21, when they can buy it on their own.

somethingshiny · Nov 16, 2009

big ditto.

My parents let me drink anytime I wanted. I was probably 12 when I had my first drink (I lived in TX and if a parent bought a drink for their child at a bar, they could have it). I got drunk for the first time when I was 17 (at home). I never went out and partied because I didn''t "need" to take the risk. I''ve only been drunk a handful of times and I just turned 30. I realized how much I could drink, when I started behaving inappropriately, etc, all in a safe environment. To me, this makes a lot more sense than sending off 21 yr old to go get sloshed at a bar for the first time. Also, my parents are both alcoholics so it was important for me to know my limits early on. I believe I could have easily fell into alcoholism if it was "fun" to go out and drink.

Lilac · Nov 16, 2009

I''ll probably do the same thing my mom did - allow a sip of *wine* on occasion in the house in the late teens. I was 20 when I got married, so after that she couldn''t really tell me when I was "allowed" to drink in my own house or not

I would never allow my kids to drink as much as they wanted before they were 21 and I wouldn''t buy any alcohol or allow it in my house for underage kids.

mia1181 · Nov 16, 2009

I agree with others that said at home a glass of wine here or there in their teens is fine.

DH''s parents let him have beer or wine occasionally and it was just never a big deal in his house. My parents forbid alcohol because alcoholism runs in my family. The interesting thing is that when we did see people drink, they were getting completely drunk. There was never any "let''s just enjoy a glass of wine with dinner." My older sister who never went to a party in highschool and always had straight A''s flunked out of college after 1 year because she got so into partying and drinking (she''s doing fine now but I know she regrets not finishing college). My younger sister who also suffers from depression is probably an alcoholic. I don''t live near her so I don''t really know but it sounds like she gets very drunk 2-3 nights a week.

I personally, was getting drunk and doing the partying thing when I was 17 and I had an ID of a girl who was 19 so I could go to Canada with my friends and go to clubs. I think I got that over with at an early age, met my DH soon after and we never really got into the whole clubbing/partying thing. Plus I really do not enjoy the taste of alcohol in any form. Yuck!

So I really think a lot of it is just the parenting. If you show your kids that alcohol is not that big of a deal in moderation I think they will follow your lead. If you show them that alcohol is only for getting completely hammered, that is what they will use it for.

anchor31 · Nov 16, 2009

The legal drinking age in Qc is 18, so I was allowed to drink is public since that age... In the privacy of our home, our parents allowed us to have a glass of wine at celebratory dinners when we were 15-ish, I think. DH and I are probably going to do the same.

KimberlyH · Nov 16, 2009

Another ditto to NF''s post. I may feel differently about it if I lived in a state where it weren''t legal, because I think it''s important to teach children to be good citizens (duh), but we will allow our kids to sips and/or have a drink on a special occasion. Both of us are moderate drinkers who were allowed to drink occasionally as kids. I was extremely conservative (didn''t drink w/o an adult in charge until I was 19) and my husband was a bit more wild but in general we both have what I consider very healthy attitudes about alcohol.

kama_s · Nov 16, 2009

19 is the age limit for drinking here. I am my brother's guardian, who will be turning 19 in a few months. He isn't allowed to drink at home or infront of me until he turns 19 (except for occasional sips from my glass). I did this only so I can instill him the importance of following laws, which are there for a reason. I know he does drink responsibly with his friends - I did have a talk with him about drinking within reason and I am confident he knows his limit.

He also knows to call me if ever anything happens to him or his friends. They had their annual school trip in Montreal (where the drinking age is 1

a few months ago. A lot of his friends have incredibly strict parents and a lot drank to extreme excess. One of his friends drank close to a litre of vodka (!!!) and my brother was the only one with the sense to take him to the hospital, where they pumped the kid's stomach and kept him overnight.

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