When do you plan on having kids... if at all?

[Tigarlily1]

Its really interesting to me how many of you are happy to remain childfree. Its a sign of the times I think... people have different priorities now. I think its awesome that more and more women feel empowered to make this decision with their hearts and whats best for them rather than just doing what is expected.

My mother 30 years ago got married and then had two children just like she was conditioned to believe she was "supposed" to do... it wasn't until she was 50 years old that she started living her authentic life.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

DH and I are both 29. I got the baby fever right after the wedding (last July) but it subsided pretty quickly. I think I was still in "planning mode" and waiting for the next big thing. You know, first you hang out in LIW and plan to be engaged, then you move over to BWW and plan the wedding, we had also bought a house a few weeks after getting engaged so once the wedding was over, it was like "okay, what's next?"

Now, we're just content to be parents to a lazy cat. I quit my job just before the wedding and am in a massage therapy program right now (which doesn't come close to all you ladies getting your PhDs and such!). I'm really looking forward to getting back to work and becoming a dual-income/no-kids family again! I can't even go to PetSmart without getting a bunch of unnecessary things for my cat. I can't imagine how much I'd buy for a child if I had one.

Have any of you ladies read "Baby Proof" by Emily Giffin? Such a good read.

 

[Amys Bling]

Its really interesting to me how many of you are happy to remain childfree. Its a sign of the times I think... people have different priorities now. I think its awesome that more and more women feel empowered to make this decision with their hearts and whats best for them rather than just doing what is expected.

My mother 30 years ago got married and then had two children just like she was conditioned to believe she was "supposed" to do... it wasn't until she was 50 years old that she started living her authentic life.

I so agree. Having children is what is expected, but it's not necessarily what FI and I want.

 

[rubybeth]

Now, we're just content to be parents to a lazy cat. I quit my job just before the wedding and am in a massage therapy program right now (which doesn't come close to all you ladies getting your PhDs and such!). I'm really looking forward to getting back to work and becoming a dual-income/no-kids family again! I can't even go to PetSmart without getting a bunch of unnecessary things for my cat. I can't imagine how much I'd buy for a child if I had one.

DH and I want a dog soooo much! We talk about getting a dog like others talk about having children, I think. Plus, they're always cute and there's no college savings account needed. We can't get one right now because we live in a no-pets building, but once we have a house, it's puppy time!

 

[Anonymous]

Well I have two girls from a previous marriage - both girls, ages 6 & 8. Right now we're both very much on the fence but within the next year (ugh, so little time!) we have to really think much more seriously and make a decision. I'm 34 now, he's 30. I really don't want to be any older than 35-36 if/when we have a child. We've talked about it a lot (even joking about names, etc.) but we're just not there yet. We enjoy sleeping through the night, not having to dress them, etc. and I share custody w/my ex so we would also lose out on 2-3 days a week of just us time. On the other hand...I'd adore a mini-FI and he's such a great "dad" to the girls that I know he'd be a fantastic father.

 

[Dr.Bride1985]

Dr. B congratulations!

a 7 year residency? what field are you in?

slg - THANKS!

I'm in plastic surgery.

6 years + a year of research...and maybe even another year to specialize in pediatric reconstructive surgery!

 

[FrekeChild]

I didn't want bio kids. I thought adoption or nothing. Husband has a terrible health history, has a congenital heart defect--Bio kids were not an option. IF we decided we wanted kids at all.

Then, around a year after we got married, husband is ABD with his phd, looking into going on the job market in November/December of this year or next year (depends on what the job market is like at that point) and we had a pregnancy scare. I was a week late, and my period lasted 1 day--being on HBC--this was highly unusual.

But we both thought "Well $#!+, we could do this." I went off the BC, and 3 weeks later...

I never had any rules for myself-I had older parents--dad was 45, mom was 37 and I got lots of "Oh, this is your granddaughter?" and it doesn't help that I look young for my age. So we set ground rules that if we were going to do it, we needed to decide by 30 if we were going to do it or not.

I turn 30 in April 2012. Our first (and maybe last!) child will be here November 2011.

 

[Echidna]

I didn't want bio kids. I thought adoption or nothing. Husband has a terrible health history, has a congenital heart defect--Bio kids were not an option. IF we decided we wanted kids at all.

Then, around a year after we got married, husband is ABD with his phd, looking into going on the job market in November/December of this year or next year (depends on what the job market is like at that point) and we had a pregnancy scare. I was a week late, and my period lasted 1 day--being on HBC--this was highly unusual.

But we both thought "Well $#!+, we could do this." I went off the BC, and 3 weeks later...

I never had any rules for myself-I had older parents--dad was 45, mom was 37 and I got lots of "Oh, this is your granddaughter?" and it doesn't help that I look young for my age. So we set ground rules that if we were going to do it, we needed to decide by 30 if we were going to do it or not.

I turn 30 in April 2012. Our first (and maybe last!) child will be here November 2011.

OMG, Freke, congratulations! What a great story

Are you the anonymous poster over in the JBP thread by any chance?

 

[FrekeChild]

OMG, Freke, congratulations! What a great story

Are you the anonymous poster over in the JBP thread by any chance?

Nope! In fact, I don't even know what thread you're talking about!

And thank you--I'm still in the freaked out stage...

 

[Amys Bling]

OMG, Freke, congratulations! What a great story

Are you the anonymous poster over in the JBP thread by any chance?

Nope! In fact, I don't even know what thread you're talking about!

And thank you--I'm still in the freaked out stage...

Congrats!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I didn't want bio kids. I thought adoption or nothing. Husband has a terrible health history, has a congenital heart defect--Bio kids were not an option. IF we decided we wanted kids at all.

Then, around a year after we got married, husband is ABD with his phd, looking into going on the job market in November/December of this year or next year (depends on what the job market is like at that point) and we had a pregnancy scare. I was a week late, and my period lasted 1 day--being on HBC--this was highly unusual.

But we both thought "Well $#!+, we could do this." I went off the BC, and 3 weeks later...

I never had any rules for myself-I had older parents--dad was 45, mom was 37 and I got lots of "Oh, this is your granddaughter?" and it doesn't help that I look young for my age. So we set ground rules that if we were going to do it, we needed to decide by 30 if we were going to do it or not.

I turn 30 in April 2012. Our first (and maybe last!) child will be here November 2011.

FREKE! I totally did not see this until now... so MANY MANY MANY congratulations to you! You guys will be fabulous parents!

 

[sirbenson]

FH and I are 32 and 31, respectively. We have no intentions of having children

 

[Dancing Fire]

I'm 30 and not ready.

FI is 34 and not ready.

We have a lot we want to do first. Kids really do take over your lives. Twas ever thus!

i finish changing diapers by the age of 31... IMO..if you gonna have kids have them early in life ,cuz believe me it ain't fun running around chasing an 8 year old kid when you are in your 40's. i have friends in their early 50's and their eldest kid just started kindergarten i really feel sorry for them...

 

[Dancing Fire]

I turn 30 in April 2012. Our first (and maybe last!) child will be here November 2011.

Freke, congratulations!..

 

[monarch64]

I'm 30 and not ready.

FI is 34 and not ready.

We have a lot we want to do first. Kids really do take over your lives. Twas ever thus!

i finish changing diapers by the age of 31... IMO..if you gonna have kids have them early in life ,cuz believe me it ain't fun running around chasing an 8 year old kid when you are in your 40's. i have friends in their early 50's and their eldest kid just started kindergarten i really feel sorry for them... [/

Hahaha, DF, you crack me up. I had older parents (mom was 34 and dad 36 when they had me, their second and last child). I am almost 34 and SO is 38. We got engaged last July, just bought a house last week (finally!), still have no wedding date set, but want to start TTC late this summer or early fall. I feel like we're the perfect age to start a family, but my perceptions are shaped by my own experiences, as are everyone else's here.

It's taken me a long time to WANT to have a child. In my late teens/early twenties I was hellbent on obtaining my degree and getting my career started. Did that. In my mid-twenties, I got married to a man who was NOT AT ALL CAPABLE of being a good father. Left him. In my early thirties, I've met the man I was MEANT to marry and have children with (I fully admit that it's half bio clock ticking and half being insanely in love) and that's just how my life has worked out!

 

[Echidna]

OMG, Freke, congratulations! What a great story

Are you the anonymous poster over in the JBP thread by any chance?

Nope! In fact, I don't even know what thread you're talking about!

And thank you--I'm still in the freaked out stage...

I think I'd be freaked out too!

The Just Barely Pregnant thread has a poster who is 9 weeks preg (I think?) and has chosen the pseudonym "SweatyCookies". I figured that had to be someone with a great sense of humour and then when I saw this, I thought maybe it was you I'm sure they'd love to see you over in that thread if you're happy to mosey over.

 

[slg47]

Freke, congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

and Monnie, congratulations on the house!

 

[rosetta]

OMG, Freke, congratulations! What a great story

Are you the anonymous poster over in the JBP thread by any chance?

Nope! In fact, I don't even know what thread you're talking about!

And thank you--I'm still in the freaked out stage...

HAH!

I knew it when you didn't want your steaks rare anymore....

Many congrats!!

 

[FrekeChild]

OMG, Freke, congratulations! What a great story

Are you the anonymous poster over in the JBP thread by any chance?

Nope! In fact, I don't even know what thread you're talking about!

And thank you--I'm still in the freaked out stage...

I think I'd be freaked out too!

The Just Barely Pregnant thread has a poster who is 9 weeks preg (I think?) and has chosen the pseudonym "SweatyCookies". I figured that had to be someone with a great sense of humour and then when I saw this, I thought maybe it was you I'm sure they'd love to see you over in that thread if you're happy to mosey over.

Thanks everyone!

I have to tell you I know who SweatyCookies is and I'm not going to out her, but she does have a great sense of humor and I am so so so happy for her!

 

[violet3]

awwww....freke! congratulations to you and your DH!!!!

I don't know if i want to have children. i REALLY don't. DH and i have always said we would be ok either way -- then just last night we had a conversation and he mentioned that he didn't want to be 50 and look back with regret that we hadn't had children. I also agree with this, but we struggle financially right now - i work three jobs and we COULD NOT survive without the income. He said he thinks we're selfish...i disagree. I think it would be incredibly selfish to have a child when you can't afford it (although I know there's never a perfect time). My sister is a stay at home mom - i would love to be able to do that - she's really lucky. Not only could i NOT stay at home, I don't think i'd even be able to have just one job. I'm 34 years old now and DH is 33.

If i didn't have children, i don't think i'd be struck with regret when i'm 50. My DH, on the other hand, feels that he might. I'm so torn....I think we'd be great parents, but i also think having a child now would be beyond difficult to make work.

 

[pinki]

We wanted to TTC starting on our wedding night...22 days later we conceived our son. I was 29 and DH was 32 and we wanted to get started asap because we wanted 2 or 3 kids and if we space them apart a couple years I would be in my late 30's and I don't want to take the chances of all the complications that come with pregnancy once you get closer to 40.

Our son was born 3 weeks ago, and its crazy...I never really cared for friends kids, I was always bored or annoyed by them. As soon as my son came out I was ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE. I can't put him down, can't stop staring at him and I've never felt such strong love in all of my life. It's amazing!

 

[amc80]

We wanted to TTC starting on our wedding night...22 days later we conceived our son. I was 29 and DH was 32 and we wanted to get started asap because we wanted 2 or 3 kids and if we space them apart a couple years I would be in my late 30's and I don't want to take the chances of all the complications that come with pregnancy once you get closer to 40.

This sounds like us...we will both be 31 when we get married and are starting right away for the same reasons.

 

[manderz]

I don't think I will be having kids. It's just not something I ever dreamed about, and not something I want to do.

 

[hoofbeats95]

We got married 2 months ago. I'm 32, 33 in Nov. DH will be 40 in Jan. He really wanted kids at one time. Now he says he is too old. I never really wanted kids. Now that I have nephews I've sort of thought about it, but honestly. . . I don't feel it. I don't "see" myself pregnant. I think I'm too selfish to have a kid. I don't want to chage my life around for a child. So I honestly don't see us having a kid. I wonder if when I'm older I will wish that I had someone to help us get through our older years. But that isn't reason enough to have a kid.

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

My fiance and I definitely want to have kids. I'm not set on the timeline but we would both like our first child before we're 30 and I'll be almost 26 when we get married. We've both decided we want to be married a couple years before we start trying so probably sometime between the ages of late 27-30.

 

[calibali]

Kids are most definitely not in the cards for us. While FI is good with kids, they just don't appeal to me and honestly they scare me more than anything else. We just got a third dog and he is extremely high maintenance, so right now our family seems full and complete.

 

[amc80]

I feel like Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny, when she's talking about her biological clock. It is so loud at this point it's almost deafening. Only six months until we will start trying, but man, those six months seem like FOREVER. Part of me wishes we weren't having a destination wedding so we could start trying sooner...

 

[Dancing Fire]

I feel like Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny, when she's talking about her biological clock. It is so loud at this point it's almost deafening. Only six months until we will start trying, but man, those six months seem like FOREVER. Part of me wishes we weren't having a destination wedding so we could start trying sooner...

practice makes perfect...

 

[mrscushion]

I always assumed I'd have kids some day, and so did DH. We're 30 now, been married for nine months, and are still far from feeling ready. I really wonder when we'll feel ready and whether, when that day comes, I'll be too old.

 

[mrscushion]

Also: congratulations, Freke!