When do you plan on having kids... if at all?

[Amys Bling]

Right now FI and I are on the fence about having children.... what about you? When is your ideal time for starting a family?

 

[Autumnovember]

I'm 23 so right now I'm definitely entirely too selfish and irresponsible for a big responsibility like that. I'm thinking maybe 3 or 4 years from now. By then, I will hopefully be financially stable. FI on the other hand, is 37 so I don't want to wait *too* long.

 

[Amys Bling]

AN- I had no idea your FI was 37! I remember seeing a pic you posted of the two of you and I never thought you two were 14 yrs apart.

 

[asymons412]

I see myself pushing it a little closer to the wire. I want to finish my PhD (~4 years left) and have a good 5 years after to establish my career as a professor, so probably between the ages of 32-35. FH and I both want a few kids, but are also pretty set on not having them anytime soon... we enjoy the unfettered life!

 

[Autumnovember]

AN- I had no idea your FI was 37! I remember seeing a pic you posted of the two of you and I never thought you two were 14 yrs apart.

I know, its nuts!!! People never believe him when he tells them his age. He looks like hes 27 and people usually guess anywhere from 25-28..nobody has ever guessed over 28 though!

The way he acts though, I must say...*I* have a difficult time keeping up with him sometimes!!

 

[slg47]

hmm, it depends on when I can finish my PhD maybe during the last year of my program when I am just writing and not taking classes or teaching...so 1-2 years from now. but we'll see where FI gets a job and where we are!

I would definitely like to have kids before 30 though!

 

[merilenda]

We waited to get engaged/married until FI finished his doctorate and I finished my masters. So I'm 27 and he's 29. Since we're just starting out in our careers, I wanted to take a few years to just be married and to start saving. Ideally, I'd like to have kids before 35 though. I don't want to have more than 2 kids (and if my pregnancy is anything like my mom's was with me, I might not agree to more than one!). So if I was going to plan perfectly, I'd say I want to have a baby when I'm 31-32 (4-5 years from now). And then if we want a second one, around 34-35 and we'll be done. Of course, you can't really predict life perfectly, and I know it doesn't always work the way we plan. But that's kind of my general idea of how I see things happening.

My mom was 41 when I was born (I'm her only child). And while I don't want to wait that long, it also was never a big deal. In fact, having older parents had a lot of advantages.

 

[Echidna]

Hmmm, I'm sensing an educational theme here

I just finished my PhD and I'm sitting in a comfortable post-doc position. FI is working professionally in his field and may also finish his PhD in future. We're 28 and 30 respectively this year, so we'll probably get a wriggle on in a couple of years because we'd like more than one child. First, we have to get married, go overseas on holidays and renovate our house...




...because I'm not ready yet

 

[rosetta]

I'm 30 and not ready.

FI is 34 and not ready.

We have a lot we want to do first. Kids really do take over your lives. Twas ever thus!

 

[Amys Bling]

I'm 30 and not ready.

FI is 34 and not ready.

We have a lot we want to do first. Kids really do take over your lives. Twas ever thus!

Those are my FI and i's sentiments exactly!!!! Not ready at 28..... So much we want to see and do, don't forsee being ready for a long time if at all...

 

[KittyGolightly]

Having a kid is a big priority for us, and I'm already 34, so soon.

 

[blacksand]

Well I'll be the odd woman out (and I'm excited about it!). FI and I, for various reasons, have to wait until December 2012 to get married. We actually just talked last week about the timing of our having children, with regard to our job/life situations and plans for a future career change. It became obvious, much to my delight, that the best time to start trying for a baby would be...right after the wedding. As early as the honeymoon! I am 30 currently and he is 32. I'll be turning 32 shortly after the wedding, so age-wise, we think it's about right, and don't want to wait much longer. Job-wise, it will be before my planned career change, meaning that I'll be making a decent salary and have good insurance benefits and maternity leave (no guarantees of that post-career change!). As far as spending time together as a couple before adding to our family, well, we live together and are essentially a married couple already, just missing the certificate and the party! We are taking time now to enjoy just being a couple, and by the time the wedding comes around, we think we'll be ready. And FI added that he wants to have kids sooner rather than later, as nearly all of his friends have children already and his [younger] sister is pregnant now, and he really wants our children to grow up close to their cousins. I am thrilled that he is on board, because I've been feeling crazy baby urges since my 30th birthday. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I cannot wait to be a mother.

 

[KittyGolightly]

I am thrilled that he is on board, because I've been feeling crazy baby urges since my 30th birthday. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I cannot wait to be a mother.

It's weird how it hits so suddenly, isn't it? I had absolutely no desire to be a mom until I hit about 30.

Good luck!

 

[asymons412]

I am thrilled that he is on board, because I've been feeling crazy baby urges since my 30th birthday. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I cannot wait to be a mother.

Can I just say that this terrifies me, because I know that I will probably feel the same way once I hit 32? Maybe not? Not a single baby-urge bone in my body right now, but something tells me...

And also, I love the number of PhD'd/PhD-ing ladies on this forum! It's great because I guarantee I'll have some whiny woeful grad school rants for you all to listen to over the summer.

 

[rubybeth]

I just turned 30 and have absolutely no desire to have a baby. I like others' kids in small quantities, but can't see having my own. Probably not a popular opinion, but DH and I are happily childfree.

 

[blacksand]

I guess I had always wanted kids, but in a faraway abstract sort of sense. Certainly not anytime soon. I remember really bracing myself for my 30th birthday, thinking I'd feel old or reflect on all the things I wanted to accomplish by 30 (but didn't). I was ready for that. I was ready for depression, rage, anger, sadness. I did not get any of that. I got baby urges. Wham. Out of NOWHERE. I don't know if that's common or what, all I can say is, that's what happened on my 30th!

 

[vc10um]

FI and I had always said absolutely no even thinking about kids until after we've been married a year. Well, about 3 months after our first anniversary, we will be moving half way across the country to be closer to his family. We aspire to build a lot of our own furniture and do a lot of the prospective renovations ourselves, so I said "okay, no thinking about kids until after we've been in the house for a year as well" which puts us at about September 2013. I plan on going off HBC, however, around the time we take our big 2nd wedding/5th first date anniversary trip in May/June 2013. But not any sooner! (FYI, I am currently 26, and will turn 27 13 days before tying the knot...FI is also 27.)

 

[turboflgrl]

DH and I have a few rules for ourselves when it comes to kids:

1. Must own a house - Buying at the end of the year
2. Must have college completed - He is done and already into his engineering career. I'll be done summer 2012.
3. Must have both retirement and investments going. - He's contributed the maximum to his retirement for the last two years. I'll be starting mine this year. We're also moving money to investments this week.
4. Must have a minimum of 6 months worth of expenses in savings. - Most of our money is going to a down payment on a house at the end of the year so this will be worked on throughout 2012.
5. Must be a couple years into marriage. - I'm hoping to be pregnant at some point in 2013. We'll both be turning 29 then.


But then again whatever happens, happens. This is just our preferable timeline.

 

[Tigarlily1]

When we get married in July we will both be 28. I will be turning 29 in October. We both feel that we are ready for children now. We are already pretty settled. Eventually we'd like to have two kids. We are planning to try around our 1 year anniversary but it might be sooner than that. We will see.... we are thinking about not trying but not preventing around Christmastime this year.

My FI is baby crazy already and wants to start ASAP. Most of our friends are starting to have children now as well. One thing I have noticed besides advanced degrees there also is a correlation between big city dwellers and people who live in rural areas as to the age they want to get started having children.

 

[Amys Bling]

I just turned 30 and have absolutely no desire to have a baby. I like others' kids in small quantities, but can't see having my own. Probably not a popular opinion, but DH and I are happily childfree.

Ditto!

 

[amc80]

Baby fever hit me before I had even met my fiance. We talked about kids when we first started dating and he was in the "yeah, definitely, some day." As time has gone on he has caught the fever as well. When we were planning our wedding, I mentioned something about how if I got pregnant on the honeymoon we'd have an August baby (his bday is in August and he thinks it would be cool to have a kid with the same month bday). From that point on he has been completely on board. He's always pointing out cute babies and talking about how I'll (hopefully) be pretty pregnant by this time next year. We will both be 31 when we get married.

 

[mayerling]

We plan on TTC right after our wedding.

 

[Dr.Bride1985]

When FI and I get married in September we will be 26 and 27 respectively. We both love the idea of kids and talk about the prospect of having them all the time. BUT...I just finished up med school last week (yay!) and have a 7 year residency starting in July, which is a very difficult time to have children (people do it, but it's a struggle!).

FI has 2-5 years left in his residency depending on what he decides to do. So...we're buying a house now and we have a spare bedroom. We will be saving some money over the next few years. We will have the space and the means well before then.

I think we'll be waiting until we're done with our training - so I'll be 33, he'll be 34. That's fine with me More time for the two of us! I'll just have to see if the baby bug bites me and see it that changes.

 

[slg47]

Dr. B congratulations!

a 7 year residency? what field are you in?

 

[Miss Sparkly]

I just turned 30 and have absolutely no desire to have a baby. I like others' kids in small quantities, but can't see having my own. Probably not a popular opinion, but DH and I are happily childfree.

We are too. At 8 years old I told my parents that I never wanted to be a mom. They laughed at me and told me to just wait.... I told DH on the first date that if he wanted kids then I'd pay for the meal and this would be just as friends dinner. Luckily, or sadly, DH is too selfish to want or handle kids so we'll be childfree for life. Perfect for us

 

[gls]

I will be 24 and FI 2 weeks shy of 26 when we get married in September.
We both love kids and love spending time with the kids in my family but we would ultimately like to start trying for our own when we are about 30. We won't start living together until after the wedding (I come from a traditional family) and we would like to enjoy being alone and saving some money before bringing kids into the mix!

ETA: I still like handing the kids back to their parents at the end of the day!

 

[Amys Bling]

I just turned 30 and have absolutely no desire to have a baby. I like others' kids in small quantities, but can't see having my own. Probably not a popular opinion, but DH and I are happily childfree.

We are too. At 8 years old I told my parents that I never wanted to be a mom. They laughed at me and told me to just wait.... I told DH on the first date that if he wanted kids then I'd pay for the meal and this would be just as friends dinner. Luckily, or sadly, DH is too selfish to want or handle kids so we'll be childfree for life. Perfect for us

I don't necessarily think that not wanting kids = being selfish. My take on it is- my FI and I want to spend lots of time with eachh other, traveling, exploring, enjoying other things. We are both very generous and unselfish in many ways (donate hundreds to various charities, always offering to help friends and families out with favors, etc). We look at it as- wanting to find enjoyment in other things, and never losing sight of each other and our relationship... I think it's all a matter of your reasoning and your perspective.

 

[4ever]

Every time I have a bad day at work being a stay at home mum seems like a really good idea

But It will be a couple more years yet, we need to save for a house and FI needs a promotion so we'll have enough to get by comfortably without my income.

 

[rubybeth]

I just turned 30 and have absolutely no desire to have a baby. I like others' kids in small quantities, but can't see having my own. Probably not a popular opinion, but DH and I are happily childfree.

We are too. At 8 years old I told my parents that I never wanted to be a mom. They laughed at me and told me to just wait.... I told DH on the first date that if he wanted kids then I'd pay for the meal and this would be just as friends dinner. Luckily, or sadly, DH is too selfish to want or handle kids so we'll be childfree for life. Perfect for us

I don't necessarily think that not wanting kids = being selfish. My take on it is- my FI and I want to spend lots of time with eachh other, traveling, exploring, enjoying other things. We are both very generous and unselfish in many ways (donate hundreds to various charities, always offering to help friends and families out with favors, etc). We look at it as- wanting to find enjoyment in other things, and never losing sight of each other and our relationship... I think it's all a matter of your reasoning and your perspective.

Agreed. I think remaining childfree allows us to be even less selfish in some ways. DH volunteers with the Boy Scouts, we both work for non-profit orgs., and we have expendable income to donate to charities and time to spare to help family/friends.

 

[UnderBlue]

If you mean starting a non-cat family, never. =p
Getting pregnant would be a nightmare for me. Shudder I don't even want to think about the kind of decisions I'd have to make if I got pregnant.