When did home feel like HOME?

[zoebartlett]

Just curious. This post is going to sound self-centered (sorry!), but I am curious about what made your home (the area or the house itself) feel right for you. We''re living in a new area of the country and while we really like it, it doesn''t feel like home to me. I might be rushing things though since we did move twice within a few month''s time, and the most recent move was just this past weekend. We really like the area we moved to, as well as the south in general, but it''s just SO different from what we''re used to in the north. I feel like we''re here just temporarily, and it''s hard to get used to the idea of really settling in. It doesn''t help that I''m REALLY home sick. My husband doesn''t feel this way at all -- he''s happy as a clam. He doesn''t feel the same ties/connections with home that I do. Sorry if I''m whining!

What helped you make your current place of residence home?

 

[MustangGal]

It took years. DH and I both grew up in the same town, got married, all our immediate family lives there, so that was home to us even when we moved 2 hours away, and then 4 hours away. We bought a house and all, but it still wasn''t "home". Now that we''re resigned to the fact that we won''t be moving back there any time soon, and have a new baby, friends here, etc. it is finally home to us. We will always consider where we grew up as our first home though.

Give it some time and let the new place grow on you.

 

[zoebartlett]

I know it''s way too soon for this to feel like home because we are so new to the area. I guess I just keep waiting to feel somewhat settled, yet I feel like we''re on an extended vacation. I keep telling myself that this is good for me (us) -- get away and explore new territory. Break out of your shell a bit, yadda, yadda -- that type of thing.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I''ve read it can take one year for a new city/state to feel like home. An aquaintance of mine moves almost every year to another state and I think it''s because she just misses that point of settling in by a month or two.

Like MustangGal said, give it some time.

Also, and in all seriousness, I think sitting and playing on PS isn''t going to help you right now. . .you need to venture out and meet new people (IRL!). Find a few hobby classes to sign up for. This will help you fill time that would otherwise be spent thinking of how homesick you are!!!

Best of luck.

 

[Mara]

ZB....I have never moved away from home (but we talk about it all the time)...but I can see how it might feel like an extended vacation. I daydream about the new restaurants I'd try. The walks I would explore the neighborhoods on. If that is interesting, it might help you and DH to do that for bonding and also to just be experimental with your new home. Do you work out? Join the local gym... see if you can make any friends in your favorite classes? Or are you interested in taking any classes like pottery or baking? Another good way to meet people with like minds. I'd join a gardening club.

 

[D&T]

Date: 8/19/2009 6:40:46 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
I know it''s way too soon for this to feel like home because we are so new to the area. I guess I just keep waiting to feel somewhat settled, yet I feel like we''re on an extended vacation. I keep telling myself that this is good for me (us) -- get away and explore new territory. Break out of your shell a bit, yadda, yadda -- that type of thing.

umm, its been five years and I still feel that way

lol.. its just because our family is a state away, and we know in our minds that we will be moving back to our hometown anyways in the next few years, and we''re just making do here if that makes sense so thats why I feel that it''s not our home, yet. And also I just haven''t been motivated to do the things that I used to do back in our hometown, so that''s my problem.

 

[zoebartlett]

MC -- don''t worry, I''m not sitting at home on the computer all day!

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks for the suggestions Mara! I''m planning on joining the Y and taking a cooking and maybe a drawing course. I just haven''t signed up for these things yet.

 

[princesss]

It takes me a year before I start feeling like maybe someplace could be home. I did focus on decorating my apartment and really making it MINE, which helped. I think having some place that''s yours makes a big difference, some place where you know where your silverware is and your pictures are up and you can find your way around in the dark without hitting your shins - once you''ve got that you''re on the right path.

 

[luckystar112]

Let's see.....8 years and counting.

For some people there truly is no place like home. I'm one of them.

We bought our house several years ago and it has been broken in pretty good (furniture, pictures on the walls, everything has a place) but it still feels like a storage space to me.
Friends? Eh. We have a small circle of friends that we love a lot, but as time goes on and people settle down I see our group getting smaller, not larger (I've lived here from the time I was 1. One of the hardest things to do is make friends with people that are already happy with their circle of friends. I know...I'm a huge downer. But we're from the same place practically so it's like I get you man.

You though....you still have a chance!

ETA: My DH's boss and his wife moved here 10 years ago and they definitely consider here "home". They claim they will never move back to Wisconsin because they hate the winters. They made a life for themselves (bought a house, had two kids, started a business) and they swear they are here for good. Sometimes I wonder though, because I know that the boss's wife gets really homesick and takes spontaneous vacations to Wisconsin a lot (which they argue about). Plus it's not like they tell DH (an employee) that they don't plan on staying here forever. Kind of like we feel uncomfortable telling THEM that there is no way in hell we'll be here forever. haha.

 

[atroop711]

it took a while for me..I would say within the year. It felt like home when I finally felt 100% comfortable there

 

[fieryred33143]

Well I''ve been in South Fla for nine years and it still doesn''t feel like home. I spent the first 5 years pretty much living out of a suitcase. Then when I moved in with my FI I realized he has so many friends and his whole family here but I really don''t have anyone. Home is where your heart is and my heart isn''t here. Hopefully things get better for you!

 

[purrfectpear]

Assuming you really plan to call that city home, and it''s not just one more stop among many future job related moves, I think it begins to feel like home as soon as you stop having to use maps to find your way around. When you have your favorite stores, restaurants, library, parks, etc. on autopilot. I left the midwest when I was 18. California has always felt like home to me. I''m just not a midwesterner at heart I guess.

I''ve visited the South quite a bit. The people are extremely friendly and outgoing to visitors, but I''ve been told they seem cliqueish toward people who move there? Someone once told me that you''d always be "that Northerner" even after 20 years

If you''re the homesick type (I never was) then you may never stop longing for the place you think of as home.

 

[Paz]

As a native New Englander (Maine, specifically), no other place on earth will feel like "home" to me. I''ve lived in MI, PR, and now FL, and none of them truly feel like home. I have become much more comfortable in FL now that I have been here for three years, but I still refer to Maine as "home". My fiance is from NE as well and feels the same way.

Fortunately, we have made a handful of good friends, learned our way around the area, know where to find the best Thai and Indian joints, and can tell you which stores carry the best produce.

Honestly, we still compare everything down here to "back home" and NE beats the South every time for us. The only thing that truly feels like home down here is our house. Having animals to come home to every night really makes the house a home to me (and living with FH too!).

Hopefully you''ll adjust a lot quicker than we have, assuming that you are planning to stay there for the duration. I think the biggest aspect that hinders FL from feeling like home is that FH is in the military so I don''t feel like we''ll be settled anywhere until he retires.

So, until then, NE will continue to be "home" to us and we try to get back at least once a year to see family and friends (and eat GOOD seafood).

 

[luckystar112]

I''m from Maine too!!!!
What part of Maine are you from?

 

[D2B]

When we finally setteld somewhere and got that long awaited Pet. We have a child and we have travelled the world, but the pet made our house into a home, as it singnalled less moving

''db

 

[Paz]

Date: 8/19/2009 11:26:37 PM
Author: luckystar112
I''m from Maine too!!!!
What part of Maine are you from?

Hooray for Maineiacs!

I''m from the Freeport/Brunswick area. Most of my family are scattered between Portland - Brunswick - Waterville.

Which part of the state are you from? I''m really missing Popham Beach right now and whoopie pies!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Hey, Zoe, I just wanted to say that I''m sorry you''re not quite settled in yet. I lived in DC for 5 years and it never felt like home and now that I''ve been in New England for 5 years, I still don''t know if it''s home or not. I joke about being homeless, but I feel like I could pick up and move tomorrow. We were just in South Carolina last week and while I loved the food and the people (so nice!), the heat was way too much for me. Every time I travel around the U.S. I get this feeling that maybe when I go I''ll feel like I "belong" there, but haven''t found it yet. I think at some point you just decide to put roots down somewhere and that becomes your home. Who knows (not me)!

 

[CurlySue]

I moved (as a single, unattached woman) a number of times to new places over the years, and it wasn''t necessarily a period of time that elapsed before a place felt like home - it had more to do with the people who came into my life. If I made connections or friends who I could go out to dinner or coffee with, or who could introduce me to new places or people, I started to feel like I could call a place home.

I moved to NJ for work about a year after I graduated from college, and I spent most of my time working and not "living." I still never feel like that was a home for me. When I moved to the midwest for grad school, I felt like I had an instant group of friends and peers, so it wasn''t too long before it felt like home. I ended up spending a few years there after I graduated.

So when I moved to Chicago three years ago, I did virtually everything I could to meet people... networking through friends, online dating, dinner clubs, volunteering, taking tennis lessons and comedy classes. You name it, I tried it. Some of my efforts failed, some of them were so-so, and some of them were successful. And I''ll admit there were days (sometimes weeks) when I got discouraged. But all of the things I tried were fun in some way. And after a year and a half, I met my BF. After that, things finally started to feel like they were falling into a place. Now I can''t imagine living anywhere else.

It sounds like you have some plans to take some classes, which should at least be fun! The Y sounds like a great idea, too. Good luck settling in. Hang in there!

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 8/20/2009 1:25:03 AM
Author: Paz

Date: 8/19/2009 11:26:37 PM

Author: luckystar112

I'm from Maine too!!!!

What part of Maine are you from?

Hooray for Maineiacs!

I'm from the Freeport/Brunswick area. Most of my family are scattered between Portland - Brunswick - Waterville.


Which part of the state are you from? I'm really missing Popham Beach right now and whoopie pies!

I was born in Biddeford, went to high school in Kennebunk, and most of my family is scattered in various towns around there.
MMMMmmmm whoopie pies! I miss italian subs, friend clams, and the perfectly designed hot dog buns!

 

[Elmorton]

I felt like I was home when DH came here for the interview. My grandparents lived about 45 mins north of here when I was growing up, so while I''d never set foot in this city, the area and people seemed incredibly familiar. But more than that, it''s the first place that DH and I moved to together, and I think that''s a big part of it.

Feeling like a native has taken a bit longer. First, we bought a house, which made me feel a lot more rooted here. And recently, we did some major house projects that made the house feel like ours. I think the biggest thing that makes me feel like part of the community is that we''ve been taking leadership roles in organizations we joined when we moved here.

 

[Haven]

I like to walk or bike everywhere when I''m in a new place. I feel much more connected when I''m walking or biking outside than I do when I''m stuck inside a car. I also get to interact with people that way.

Dogs come in handy for this--you can walk them for hours, they attract people so you''ll make new acquaintances, and walking a dog makes you look like you have a purpose for wandering around rather than just being the crazy lady who wanders all over town for hours.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Date: 8/19/2009 7:47:03 PM
Author: luckystar112
Let''s see.....8 years and counting.

For some people there truly is no place like home. I''m one of them.

We bought our house several years ago and it has been broken in pretty good (furniture, pictures on the walls, everything has a place) but it still feels like a storage space to me.
Friends? Eh. We have a small circle of friends that we love a lot, but as time goes on and people settle down I see our group getting smaller, not larger (I''ve lived here from the time I was 1. One of the hardest things to do is make friends with people that are already happy with their circle of friends. I know...I''m a huge downer. But we''re from the same place practically so it''s like I get you man.

You though....you still have a chance!

ETA: My DH''s boss and his wife moved here 10 years ago and they definitely consider here ''home''. They claim they will never move back to Wisconsin because they hate the winters. They made a life for themselves (bought a house, had two kids, started a business) and they swear they are here for good. Sometimes I wonder though, because I know that the boss''s wife gets really homesick and takes spontaneous vacations to Wisconsin a lot (which they argue about). Plus it''s not like they tell DH (an employee) that they don''t plan on staying here forever. Kind of like we feel uncomfortable telling THEM that there is no way in hell we''ll be here forever. haha.

I agree, for some, home is just home, where you originated, where you grew up, and where your family and closest friends are. I''m one of those girls, too.

However, I''ve now been living in the South for 6 years, and while I miss "home" very much, I like and love the home my husband and I have built together, as well. For me, knowing when I''ll be going home again is very important. We plan the next trip right after we''ve finished one, that way I have a known time frame of when I''ll see my family again.

I''ve noticed that when I''m here, I''ll talk about home (with my family) and now that Paul and I are getting more settled into our own home, I will talk about home (with my husband) while we visit with family in California. So I think it can be a very long process for some, and I''m totally one of those people.

As for finding ways to make your home where you are "home," I''d suggest getting things as settled inside the house as possible (likely this hasn''t happened yet if you moved last weekend). Put up pictures, memories of fun times with your husband *and* your family at home. Getting involved at the Y or at a Church or community center is also a great way to branch out and meet new people.

It takes time, Zoe. I hope you find many things to enjoy where you are and that slowly your house will feel like home, even if the city doesn''t. That''s helped me a ton!

 

[April20]

I''m from the south. When I lived in the Seattle, I don''t know that it ever felt like home. I enjoyed it for the first four years, but the last two I was just biding my time. When I moved there, I always knew it''d be temporary- whether temporary was two years or ten. I didn''t have family there, and while I made good friends, it wasn''t enough to keep me there.

When I moved to Atlanta, it felt like home almost immediately. I have a sister that lives across town and both sets of my parents are within a few hours drive north. Then I got married and almost all of DH''s family is here. I just found out this year that I have a couple of cousins that live in Atlanta as well- I had no idea. Can you say extended family is not close enough? At any rate, Atlanta really feels like home. Where I grew up will always be home in a certain sense, but I feel like my life is truly rooted here and it will be "home" even if DH and I move to other areas.

 

[Sabine]

I think for me, it was finding a group of friends in the area that I was really close to, and basically getting a routine down.

At our last place, it probably took a good 2-3 years for it to feel like home. Where we are now, we know we''re only here for a year, so I don''t think it ever will.

 

[zoebartlett]

Sorry for not coming back in a few days! I just haven''t had a chance until now to thank everyone for their thoughts. I do want to write more but we''re on our way out the door, so I''ll log on later.

For now though:

Lucky, yes, you totally get me!

I miss all the typical things that NE has to offer. It''s funny, now that I can''t go to the beach easily, that''s all I really want to do. Not that I went there all the time when in NE but it was nice to know it was there and I COULD go if I wanted. I think that makes sense.

 

[zhuzhu]

Even though DH and I live a long distance from both sides of the families, we feel very much at home here. This is the first house we bought together, the house we spent our first Christmas as husband and wife in, and the house that is roomy enough for our three kitties to run around wild in. I think home is what you make of it. We are slowly remodeling one small project/one room at a time to personalize it; planting one shrub/tree at a time ourselves to make our garden/yard a playground and memory lane...

 

[pennquaker09]

I like it here in New Jersey, but I don''t think it''s ever going to feel like home. Home is always going to be Alabama, but it would take a lot for me to even consider moving back there. The residents are too resistant to change.

I''d give anything to be back in Philly, that was the closest I think I will ever feel to home.

 

[nclrgirl]

I hear ya! I moved to this city/state about a year ago and we moved into our house 6 months ago. I''m still nowhere close to feeling like home.

My husband has been in this city/state for 3 years now, so it''s easier for him, plus, he moved a lot growing up while I lived in only two houses growing up and they were 2 miles away from each other.

I will say though, that I''m starting to get to know a couple of friends in the new city a little better, so at times it''s better

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Oh Zoe, I''ve been there...being homesick is awful.

I think my home felt like home when I started to bring "us" into it. Pictures, heirlooms, other things that made me happy to see dotted around the place made me feel better.

((big hugs))