What's up with Friday weddings?

[chemgirl]

I am wondering how people feel about Friday afternoon weddings.

I attended two this summer and am invited to another in November. I'm not sure if I can make it to the November wedding since I just started a new job and the ceremony is at 3:00 pm. The bride is upset that many people she counted on can't make it, including all of DH's extended family.

DH is going, and I'll join him if I can work in some flex time, but I just can't be sure right now. I'm a bit frustrated since given the time of the ceremony, the couple is expecting everyone to take the day off work. That's not really feasible when most of us get 10 days of vacation per year!

I'm feeling that its a bit rude to have your wedding on a Friday and expect everyone to take time off.

Am I being a brat? What are your thoughts about Friday afternoon weddings in general?

 

[mrs jam]

If you're a brat, then I'm a b!tch. Friday weddings are a pain in the butt. DH and I are attending one this Friday. It's in another city and about three hours away, so we'll be leaving before noon to check into our hotel room and get ready. It's a very close friend of his whom I love, too, so I should stop mentally moaning about it and just be happy for them, but it really does kind of stink.

 

[Rhea]

It's usually a less expensive day to get married on.

I had a weekday wedding. We picked a particular date and it happened to fall on a weekday the year we wanted.

I think the couple is a bit dense if they expect as many to attend as would attend during a weekend or later on a Friday evening. It's just not realistic for many people. I recently didn't attend a Friday wedding for a family member. To my knowledge the couple wasn't upset or disappointed. They picked the day they wanted, just as I did, and that had consequences both positive - less expensive day to marry on, and negative - we couldn't all attend.

 

[LJL]

It's usually a less expensive day to get married on.

I had a weekday wedding. We picked a particular date and it happened to fall on a weekday the year we wanted.

I think the couple is a bit dense if they expect as many to attend as would attend during a weekend or later on a Friday evening. It's just not realistic for many people. I recently didn't attend a Friday wedding for a family member. To my knowledge the couple wasn't upset or disappointed. They picked the day they wanted, just as I did, and that had consequences both positive - less expensive day to marry on, and negative - we couldn't all attend.

This is exactly what it is. The venues are generally more available and just cheaper overall - and many of the services you need for a wedding have discounted prices, including photographers. I agree though that you are expecting a lot out of people to come on a Friday, especially since it will interfere with work for many people. Or maybe theyre counting on people not being able to make it and just send gifts - then its REALLY a cheaper wedding

 

[Mayk]

This is becoming the "rage" to save dollars... a venue where we wanted to hold our ceremony said.. all the Fridays and Saturdays were booked the month we were looking at.. but they could give us a Sunday... no, no, no.... afraid not... we went elsewhere.....

 

[marcy]

I am less likely to attend a Friday wedding especially an afternoon one. I had an employee get married Sunday evening in the mountains about a two hour drive from here. I don't think anyone from work went. I kind of felt bad but we wouldn't have made it home until midnight.

 

[Pandora II]

I find Sunday weddings enough of a PITA let alone a Friday.

Fortunately in the UK, it's still pretty unusual not to have a Saturday wedding.

I would rather compromise on other areas that pick a date which would inconvenience the majority of my guests and also potentially spoil the atmosphere of the day.

I went to a Sunday wedding recently that was in the city where my FIL lives - my husband's step-sister was getting married - since we had a 3 hour drive back to London, we left immediately after the meal. A lot of people also couldn't have a drink because they were driving. I would say the vast majority of the guests left when we did leaving very few for the dancing and evening part, which I know the couple hadn't anticipated and were a bit upset about.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I had a Friday wedding and it had nothing to do with it being cheaper to hold it on that day (because it wasn't cheaper). I got married in Charleston, SC, which at the time was the #2 destination for US vacations. I guess there's big enough demand for weddings there that they don't have to discount for non-Sat weddings.

The main reason we did it on a Fri. (Sat. would've been way more preferable) was that my parents' church and the reception place only had a Fri. available unless we were willing to postpone our wedding for several more months. We already had a 13 month engagement and weren't willing to wait any longer b/c of a day. I completely understood if people weren't able to attend b/c it was a Fri. but that might've happened anyway, as people would've had to travel from all over the US regardless of where we got married. My family is from SC and the northeast, my husband's family is from MO and MI, I live in the DC area, and we had friends come in from the UK.

 

[MissStepcut]

A friend of mine got married on a Tuesday (!). We didn't go. I have to admit, though, that the bride's attitude burned my britches a little. When someone mentioned to her how inconvenient that would be, she said that since everyone would "be on vacation anyway," it didn't matter which day it is! Very few of their friends and family were local since it took place in a city they'd moved to together. Well, I could have gone on a Saturday by only missing a half day of work, but to go on a Tuesday, I'd have to miss two or three full days. I realize people are allowed to schedule their weddings whenever and wherever they want, but I'm also allowed to find it highly inconsiderate of them.

A Friday evening wedding wouldn't bother me if it were local, though. I often hit the town on Friday nights. As long as the ceremony started at 6 or later, I'd attend happily.

 

[wildcat03]

I think people can have their weddings when they want, but they can't really get upset if they schedule their wedding on a NORMAL WORKDAY and people can't go!

I think Sunday weddings are fine - as long as they are earlier in the day. I actually kind of like getting there friday night or saturday morning and relaxing, visiting with people, then going to the wedding on Sunday.

 

[wakingdreams53]

Friday afternoon is rude and inconsiderate. There, I said it. Friday evening would be more feasible, especially if your guests are local.
I know that if I'd have a Friday wedding, my cousin and his family wouldn't be able to go due to religious reasons. I don't mind Sunday weddings as the majority I've gone to have been on Sundays.

 

[Amys Bling]

I had a Friday wedding.... the ceremony was 6:30 pm and the reception was immediately following at 7:00 at the same venue.

IMHO- I am ok with a Friday wedding, but if its not after 5:30 at night- I dont attend the ceremony because of work. Many people also find Sunday evening weddings a pain because it's late and you are traveling on a work night. Unfortunately, Saturdays are the most expensive night so Friday has become the alternative way to save and not cut the guest list or food/drink or have their reception at a lesser venue.

 

[Imdanny]

What? You can't expect people to take time off from work for a wedding. Most employers won't allow that (unless it's a personal day, and still that's presumptuous because people might need personal days for medical appointments, etc.) and many people simply don't get paid for days they miss. I don't care if someone schedules a wedding for a Friday afternoon, but being upset that people can't make it is extremely unrealistic IMO.

 

[Mayk]

My concern with Sunday and why we declined was because of the number of out of town guests. The wedding was small so the ability for travel in with late arrival on a Friday and flying home on a Sunday was important. Most of our guests did exactly this... It was important to us for them to be there... So we made Saturday work.

 

[Laila619]

I generally don't mind Friday evening weddings. I went to one in the summer once (it was in August) and the ceremony wasn't until like 5pm if I remember correctly. The reception wasn't until 7pm. The nice thing about evening weddings in the summer is that the sun doesn't go down early so there's plenty of light for good photos. And a lot of people have more flexible hours in the summer, or they leave earlier. That said, I would not like a Friday evening wedding in the winter or fall.

 

[Novel]

I just got invited to a Thursday destination wedding. I guess they figured that everyone would be on vacation anyway, as someone else said, but that means taking off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and it just says to me that you don't care if people come to your wedding. Which is fine, but if you don't care, elope! You make trade offs no matter when or where your wedding is, I guess I think you just need to own the consequences.

 

[Haven]

I don't think a couple should expect guests to bend over backwards to accommodate their schedule if they choose to get married during the week.

On the other hand, I don't think loved ones should expect couples to bend over backwards to accommodate their schedules, either.

You can never please everyone. If you love someone enough, you'll be at their wedding regardless of when and where it happens. If you don't, you'll find fault with any number of little details you choose to spend your time scrutinizing.

In the end, the couple marries surrounded by the people who care for them enough to make the time to attend their celebration. Win win, I say.

P.S. We had a Friday morning wedding, but it was a holiday, the 4th of July. I know some people hate holiday weddings, but I dislike Sunday weddings and wanted to get married in the morning, and as Jews, we would have had to start a Saturday wedding after sundown. A Friday holiday worked best for us, and everyone we loved was there. It was wonderful.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

With the exception of holiday weekends, I do not like Friday or Sunday weddings because I think it is inconsiderate to make people have to take a day off work to travel to or from a wedding. It's enough to have to travel and pay for a room overnight or for the weekend, but having to take a day off work is too much to ask anyone other than the bridal party who would have to be there Friday night for the rehearsal, in my opinion.

 

[MissStepcut]

I don't think a couple should expect guests to bend over backwards to accommodate their schedule if they choose to get married during the week.

On the other hand, I don't think loved ones should expect couples to bend over backwards to accommodate their schedules, either.

You can never please everyone. If you love someone enough, you'll be at their wedding regardless of when and where it happens. If you don't, you'll find fault with any number of little details you choose to spend your time scrutinizing.

In the end, the couple marries surrounded by the people who care for them enough to make the time to attend their celebration. Win win, I say.

P.S. We had a Friday morning wedding, but it was a holiday, the 4th of July. I know some people hate holiday weddings, but I dislike Sunday weddings and wanted to get married in the morning, and as Jews, we would have had to start a Saturday wedding after sundown. A Friday holiday worked best for us, and everyone we loved was there. It was wonderful.

I agree with the bolded, but also think there are shades of grey. If the couple lives in a new city and some people have to travel, then I totally agree. If a couple is just saving money by inconveniencing everyone else or (costing them money), or trying to get some "unique" wedding experience by asking everyone to scale the himalayas to attend, in my mind, it starts to become inconsiderate. Like someone else said, if the place or the experience is more important to you than the people, just elope.

I suppose part of what makes me feel this way, though, is that I feel pretty guilty when I get invited to a wedding and don't attend. Like you say, it says that I don't "care for them enough to make the time to attend their celebration." I sort of resent it when a couple puts excessive barriers between me and attendance, because I agree, that's the message I am sending.

 

[Haven]

MissStepcut--I agree with you, but as you say, there are shades of grey. I have friends for whom I would happily take an afternoon off to attend their Friday afternoon wedding, but for whom I would NOT take a week to head out to Italy to attend their wedding.
On the other hand, I would go anywhere my sister wanted me to go to attend her wedding, no matter the day or location.
I don't feel guilty about that, and I don't think you should, either.

I really don't see how an invitation to a wedding, ANY wedding, can be construed as an inconvenience, or worse, as rude. You are not required to attend. You are not required to send a gift if you don't feel compelled to do so. A note is always nice, but certainly a gift isn't necessary if it's for a couple you truly aren't close enough to want to send a gift. I know people have a lot of misconceptions about etiquette and what's proper, but certainly the proper thing to do is to respond as you wish! Attend, or don't. Send an elaborate gift, or don't. These are all choices, and ones that any guest is free to make. (This last part was a general response to the thread, not just to you, MissS.)

This reminds me of the threads that pop up about obligations people feel to allow distant relatives to come into their homes and stay for weeks at a time and eat everything in existence, or how people hate the holidays because they are forced to host everyone in the family who is fussy and rude and ruins their good dishes. These are choices! Bow out, if you'd like. Choice, it's what's for dinner. And it's delicious.

I love weddings and holidays and any excuse to celebrate in this life. I savor them all, and I attend the events that make me happy. I've replied with regrets to many an inconvenient wedding invitation, and sent gifts that I felt were appropriate. Never felt bad about missing a one.

 

[Blackpaw]

ditto haven

weddings always seem to inspire so many expectations from all parties. sigh, im beginning to think they're a PITA and not worth the effort...ill likely have the 'unique' destination wedding bs, and quite frankly i would be happier for it to be an elopement, but as Haven said, there are people that will want to be there no matter how much of a pita it is, so i may as well give them the opportunity.

When i told my mum id really like to elope, she said "that would be fine, you just tell me where and when and ill be there". Kinda missing the point, mum

that said, chemgirl, i can imagine that for americans a friday wedding at 3 is irritating given the leave situation, and i would be irritated too

 

[jstarfireb]

I had a Sunday wedding because my choices for dates were very limited (basically one single weekend out of the year), the Saturday I wanted wasn't available at my venue but the Sunday of the same weekend was, and it was substantially less expensive to have a non-Saturday wedding. I was well aware that guests might have a hard time getting home and scheduled the wedding as early as feasible (ceremony at 1 PM, reception over by 6) so people could stay for as long as possible before going back home to get ready for work the next day. So I did my best to make sure my guests wouldn't have to take time off for work; I'm sensitive to these things because I can't take random days off in my line of work. I chose Sunday over Friday because I figured more people would be able to come for at least part of the wedding, even if they had to leave early. I do think 3 PM on a Friday is a bit of a hardship for most guests, and it's unreasonable to be upset if many people can't make it. It would be more reasonable to have an evening wedding on Friday so at least the local guests could come after work.

 

[MissStepcut]

Just because I would go to the ends of the earth for someone's wedding, doesn't mean I want to. If you can avoid it, why would you set things up for it to be that way? I really don't understand it. I am sure my family and best friends would make the trek to Alaska to watch me get married under the northern lights, if that was the situation I put them in, but why would I ask them to do that (even with the understanding that any request can be turned down)? It's not the people who can easily turn it down that will end up feeling bad. They'll promptly send their regrets and maybe a gift. It's the people who will really struggle with the decision, and feel like they really should be there, and feel guilty prioritizing other concerns over your wedding, and will hate so much to miss it... as in, the closest friends and family.

Now, I realize that some people cannot avoid inconveniencing most of the guests (or even all of the guests) due to personal circumstances, but I still feel that unless you're eloping, you owe it to the people you're closest to to take their situation into account before other preferences, like getting married under the northern lights, or in that awesome hall three hours out of town that you can only afford if it's on a Wednesday morning.

 

[Gypsy]

I got married on a Sunday, late afternoon with an early reception cause I didn't want to inconvenience anyone for a Friday or for returning to work on Monday. I personally would be irked about a Friday afternoon wedding and would just show up for the reception if I could, otherwise... regrets. Fridays are brutal, you are exhausted from a busy and tiring week, traffic sucks and all you want to do is get some take out and veg. Last thing I want to do is dress up and attend a wedding.

I was fine with getting regrets for our wedding, kept the guest list down and the catering costs even lower. We're not overly socially active and have a small circle of people we really care about and the people we cared most about made it so the rest were just duty invites, parent's friends, etc. Didn't matter to us if they came or not, in all honesty. I was obligated to send some of the invites, but I certainly didn't want them to be obligated to come! If I could have gotten away with not inviting them I would have.

 

[Imdanny]

Yes, but you shouldn't expect people to be able to miss work. Their employer might not let them and/or they simply might not be able to afford to take off from work. Sometimes people can't afford to go to funerals let alone weddings. I couldn't go to my aunt's funeral because I'm in Hawaii and her funeral was in New York. My father's side of the family is Jewish so the burial happened two or three after she died. It was impossible for me to go and nobody in my family expected me to be there. I couldn't afford to go to my brother's wedding in New York. So I have to respectfully disagree with you Haven about this part of what you wrote. Sometimes one can't find a way however much one loves the person. This is why I think expecting someone to attend a wedding might not necessarily be realistic. I did get lucky with my brother's wedding because they came to Hawaii for their honeymoon.

 

[Jennifer W]

I'm fine with weekday weddings, happy to take a day or so off work to celebrate with people I'm fond of. That said, I live in Scotland, where we seem to have a lot more annual leave. I get 35 days, plus 11 'floating' days in lieu of public holidays. If I only had a few days a year, I'd maybe be less thrilled.

 

[natsplat]

We are going to have a Friday 1500 wedding, and we decided on that for many reasons.

We were stymied by the restricted dates available at the venue plus very close friends' availabilities (if we didn't have a Friday we couldn't have got married until August, and we wanted March). We're only 32 for the actual ceremony, and have already checked that they are all happy and able to attend/take time off if it's relevant. Many of our friends (including all but one of the friends attending the actual ceremony) are freelance and work more at the weekend than in the week, so it's actually more convenient for them, as they don't get paid holiday pay for taking a day off work as salaried people do. The venue is the same price whether we booked for the Friday or Saturday. The reception starts at 1900 in a place maximum 1 1/2 hours away from everyone invited, so that should be fine for attendance too.

I feel almost anything goes as long as it's thoroughly thought-through; we thought everything through to the point of over-agonising. The blanket opinions here about it always being rude, inconsiderate and a PITA rub me up the wrong way.

 

[zoebartlett]

I've been to one Friday wedding, but the ceremony was around 5:30 or 6:00, so I'm not sure how many people had to take a full (or even a half) day off. I believe most people in attendance were family or close friends who live relatively close by. I tend to automatically assume that if someone has a Friday wedding, they're doing it mostly to save money. Friday weddings don't bother me really, but I could see where people may get upset if they can't attend due to not being to take the time off work.

 

[zoebartlett]

I don't think a couple should expect guests to bend over backwards to accommodate their schedule if they choose to get married during the week.

On the other hand, I don't think loved ones should expect couples to bend over backwards to accommodate their schedules, either.

That's a good way of putting it.

If weddings are in the summer, which most of the ones we've attended have been, it doesn't matter to me when they're held. I'm on summer vacation, so it most likely wouldn't inconvenience me. It would inconvenience my husband though because of work, but he'd just plan in advance to take some time off work if needed.

 

[April20]

We got married on a Friday. It was partly cost and partly availability. We found a venue we could afford (for a Fri or Sat wedding), but didn't want to wait months for a Saturday to be open. So we did a Friday. With the exception of my family, everyone was local (within 45 mins MAX and those were only a few). My family would be coming down anyway, so making it Friday evening wasn't a big deal.

We realized, however, that Friday traffic SUCKS where we live. Really, it's awful. We knew people had to work and then travel to get to us. So we made the ceremony at 7, but opened doors at 6. We had beer/wine/food available as people arrived so that they could wind down and visit before the ceremony. We were able to mingle as people arrived and it was rather like a cocktail party. We paused at 7, did a 10 min ceremony, and then got back to the party. Honestly, I would have done the exact same sequence of events if it had been a Saturday as I'm not much of a wedding person, but it really did make sense for a Friday evening.