What''s the worst toast you have heard at a wedding

[D&T]

At my sister's wedding, a long time family friend of the groom's parents made a toast that went like this "Be good to my "son" and if you ever ever ever get a divorce, hope yours will go much faster and smoother than mine, cheers"

it was a very awkward moment for all of us. Who says that?

 

[packrat]

ooo talk about awkward!

When my cousin got married (for the 3rd time no less) her dad raised his glass and said "Well, here''s hopin third times charm for ya..and if not, I''m not doing this again" We all sat there wondering what to do..aaaaand a few years later the marriage was over.

 

[trillionaire]

Probably my boyfriend toasting to his former roomie...

I don''t remember what he said, but it somehow involved talking about the cat

But then, one of the bridesmaids was talking about how the bride was demanding and kind of diva/bratty, so... they were both kind of, um, strange.

 

[somethingshiny]

My underage maid of honor''s toast at my wedding. She basically told DH if he did anything wrong she''d hear about it and take care of the problem. Then she turned to her parents and said, "Mom, Dad, I''m DRUNK!"

Boy was she!!

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/11/2009 1:44:50 PM
Author: packrat
ooo talk about awkward!

When my cousin got married (for the 3rd time no less) her dad raised his glass and said ''Well, here''s hopin third times charm for ya..and if not, I''m not doing this again'' We all sat there wondering what to do..aaaaand a few years later the marriage was over.

yah. awkward - my sister is on her 2nd.

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/11/2009 2:45:04 PM
Author: trillionaire
Probably my boyfriend toasting to his former roomie...

I don''t remember what he said, but it somehow involved talking about the cat

But then, one of the bridesmaids was talking about how the bride was demanding and kind of diva/bratty, so... they were both kind of, um, strange.

oh goodness, great bridesmaid huh?

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/11/2009 4:01:45 PM
Author: somethingshiny
My underage maid of honor''s toast at my wedding. She basically told DH if he did anything wrong she''d hear about it and take care of the problem. Then she turned to her parents and said, ''Mom, Dad, I''m DRUNK!''

Boy was she!!

lol....

 

[JulieN]

Date: 7/11/2009 12:04:10 PM
Author:D&T
At my sister''s wedding, a long time family friend of the groom''s parents made a toast that went like this ''Be good to my ''son'' and if you ever ever ever get a divorce, hope yours will go much faster and smoother than mine, cheers''

it was a very awkward moment for all of us. Who says that?

Wait... so the groom''s father was really the family friend?

 

[phoenixgirl]

We were at a wedding where one of the groomsmen was rambling on and on, something like, "And then there was the time when [groom] and I wanted to move to Las Vegas and be homeless. Yeah, that would be been hilarious. Anyway, you guys are a great couple. When I look at you guys, I think, ''They''re not one of those couples who''s going to get divorced.''"

DH was also a groomsmen, so I pointed out that he should jump up and give a nice toast that wasn''t a rambling mess of boring personal jokes and awkward comments about divorce to try to make up for that one. The same groomsmen ruined the song during the ceremony where he was supposed to play guitar and a bridesmaid was supposed to sing by not practicing and then missing his original flight so they couldn''t practice together. He kept messing up, starting over, etc., and finally the bridesmaid just burst into hysterical giggles and the minister said something about how we find joy even when things don''t go as planned and moved on.

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/11/2009 5:15:13 PM
Author: JulieN

Date: 7/11/2009 12:04:10 PM
Author:D&T
At my sister's wedding, a long time family friend of the groom's parents made a toast that went like this 'Be good to my 'son' and if you ever ever ever get a divorce, hope yours will go much faster and smoother than mine, cheers'

it was a very awkward moment for all of us. Who says that?

Wait... so the groom's father was really the family friend?

sorry, let me clarify. The family friend is a woman, she grew up with the groom's parents and they got married about the same time, and both had sons, then i guess she divorced. My new BIL considers her like a second mother or something like that. It was a weird toasting thing, she toasted after the the Groom's dad did

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/11/2009 5:35:38 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
We were at a wedding where one of the groomsmen was rambling on and on, something like, ''And then there was the time when [groom] and I wanted to move to Las Vegas and be homeless. Yeah, that would be been hilarious. Anyway, you guys are a great couple. When I look at you guys, I think, ''They''re not one of those couples who''s going to get divorced.''''

DH was also a groomsmen, so I pointed out that he should jump up and give a nice toast that wasn''t a rambling mess of boring personal jokes and awkward comments about divorce to try to make up for that one. The same groomsmen ruined the song during the ceremony where he was supposed to play guitar and a bridesmaid was supposed to sing by not practicing and then missing his original flight so they couldn''t practice together. He kept messing up, starting over, etc., and finally the bridesmaid just burst into hysterical giggles and the minister said something about how we find joy even when things don''t go as planned and moved on.

oooh how sad but Good for your DH for saving the toast, and the minister in jumping in too.

 

[Lynn B]

Acquaintances of ours are VERY "prim and proper", and their daughter married into a family of um... (shall we say rambunctious and rather irreverent folks.

At the wedding, one of the groom''s friends stood up and made this toast:

"It''s all about HONOR, Joe. Get on her and STAY ON HER!"

The bride''s family just about DIED!!!

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/11/2009 9:44:47 PM
Author: Lynn B
Acquaintances of ours are VERY ''prim and proper'', and their daughter married into a family of um... (shall we say rambunctious and rather irreverent folks.

At the wedding, one of the groom''s friends stood up and made this toast:

''It''s all about HONOR, Joe. Get on her and STAY ON HER!''

The bride''s family just about DIED!!!

That''s awesome!...lol

 

[Bia]

My brother''s best man gave one for the books. Not only was it like 10 minutes long, it got awkward at times with the way certain things were said. Ex: "Who knew that 24 years ago, when both E & T came out of their moms

, they would be sitting here today..." something to that effect. He also said "Case in point" about 50 gazillion times. It was hilarious. Nice guy but not great at giving speeches. Gotta hand it to my bro, he didn''t bat an eye.

 

[princessplease]

FBIL''s family is very conservative and traditional.

FSIL''s MOH gave a toast and included something raunchy (in a funny way though) about the wedding ''night'', much to the horror of the husband''s family. Quite a few of them walked out of the room after that toast!!!

 

[sparklyheart]

Date: 7/11/2009 9:44:47 PM
Author: Lynn B
Acquaintances of ours are VERY ''prim and proper'', and their daughter married into a family of um... (shall we say rambunctious and rather irreverent folks.

At the wedding, one of the groom''s friends stood up and made this toast:

''It''s all about HONOR, Joe. Get on her and STAY ON HER!''

The bride''s family just about DIED!!!

Wow! Sometimes I think people need to rehearse these speeches first..

The worst toast I heard was at a rehearsal dinner.. The bride and groom had a 9 month child and were not together when he was um..conceived.. The bride''s dad stood up and said "about 4 or 5 years ago K kind of appeared on a temporary basis and then he disappeared.. But then about 18 months ago he suddenly reappeared and he brought a surprise with him."

At least we can all laugh about it!

 

[mayachel]

"If you know the bride and her friends, the one thing you'd say about us is that we like drama..."

And they weren't talking about the latest theater festival...

 

[OUpearlgirl]

At a very conservative wedding.. With grandparents, children, etc the groomsman said "I''ve heard the groomsman''s speech is supposed to last as long as the sex later that night.." And then sat down. It was sooo inapropriate.

Same wedding, the father of the bride gave a 10 minute toast that was just AWFUL. He rambled on and on, talked about commitment and how sacred marriage was. Welp, his date was the woman he was cheating on his wife of 25 years with.. They had been divorced maybe 2 months? Awkwarddddd.

 

[oobiecoo]

The worst was at a "friend''s" wedding. Her cousin read a poem... about how he used to wear her bra when they were kids and how she now has silicone boobs. There was a lot of other raunchy stuff but thats all I can really remember... blech.

 

[Sha]

Date: 7/11/2009 9:44:47 PM
Author: Lynn B
Acquaintances of ours are VERY ''prim and proper'', and their daughter married into a family of um... (shall we say rambunctious and rather irreverent folks.

At the wedding, one of the groom''s friends stood up and made this toast:

''It''s all about HONOR, Joe. Get on her and STAY ON HER!''

The bride''s family just about DIED!!!

!!!

 

[SparklyLibra]

Date: 7/12/2009 8:06:46 PM
Author: OUpeargirl
At a very conservative wedding.. With grandparents, children, etc the groomsman said ''I''ve heard the groomsman''s speech is supposed to last as long as the sex later that night..'' And then sat down. It was sooo inapropriate.


Same wedding, the father of the bride gave a 10 minute toast that was just AWFUL. He rambled on and on, talked about commitment and how sacred marriage was. Welp, his date was the woman he was cheating on his wife of 25 years with.. They had been divorced maybe 2 months? Awkwarddddd.

Wow. I am lost for words. I think my husband would have mopped the floor with his azz! I can''t even dare to imagine what I would have done if I were the bride

As for the father of the bride.... Wow... He''s brave. That''s all I can say about that.

 

[LitigatorChick]

My sister married a guy from our home town, let''s call him Mark. I dated Mark''s brother about 12 years ago for about 3 months, let''s call the brother Dave. Well Dave had always had a crush on me, and was super clingy when we were together, and I dumped him.

We all get on with life, I get married, have a kid. Dave does the same.

I am a bridesmaid, Dave is a groomsman. Dave gives the toast to the groom, his brother Mark. So he starts off saying that he can''t believe his brother is marrying the sister to LC and starts into basically how I broke his heart. It lasted forever, maybe 5 minutes. Luckily, my son started fussing, so I left the reception room and stepped into the hall.

Dave''s wife looked like she was going to kill him. It was horrible.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 7/13/2009 12:47:50 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
My sister married a guy from our home town, let''s call him Mark. I dated Mark''s brother about 12 years ago for about 3 months, let''s call the brother Dave. Well Dave had always had a crush on me, and was super clingy when we were together, and I dumped him.

We all get on with life, I get married, have a kid. Dave does the same.

I am a bridesmaid, Dave is a groomsman. Dave gives the toast to the groom, his brother Mark. So he starts off saying that he can''t believe his brother is marrying the sister to LC and starts into basically how I broke his heart. It lasted forever, maybe 5 minutes. Luckily, my son started fussing, so I left the reception room and stepped into the hall.

Dave''s wife looked like she was going to kill him. It was horrible.

OMG! I think no one can top that one

 

[ms.halo]

When one of my male cousins got married his FIL''s toast was about how great my cousin (his new son-in-law) was because he helped him kill his horse. Seriously.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Date: 7/13/2009 1:30:44 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 7/13/2009 12:47:50 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
My sister married a guy from our home town, let''s call him Mark. I dated Mark''s brother about 12 years ago for about 3 months, let''s call the brother Dave. Well Dave had always had a crush on me, and was super clingy when we were together, and I dumped him.

We all get on with life, I get married, have a kid. Dave does the same.

I am a bridesmaid, Dave is a groomsman. Dave gives the toast to the groom, his brother Mark. So he starts off saying that he can''t believe his brother is marrying the sister to LC and starts into basically how I broke his heart. It lasted forever, maybe 5 minutes. Luckily, my son started fussing, so I left the reception room and stepped into the hall.

Dave''s wife looked like she was going to kill him. It was horrible.

OMG! I think no one can top that one

Of Monkeypie if I could have crawled into a hole, I would have. Everyone was stunned. It was soooo weird. It wasn''t an "I want you back", but obviously it was 12 years of pain and heartbreak coming out in front of 200 people at his brother''s wedding.

 

[Elmorton]

My MOH totally didn''t plan her speech and kindof did one of those "feel the moment" things, where she started an interactive toast where she called on other guests (by calling out their names) and asking if they supported us - it had kind of a "rally" feel. When she called upon one of our mutual friends, asking "DO YOU SUPPORT THEM?" he yelled out "NO! I''M ONLY HERE FOR THE BOOZE!!"

 

[asscherisme]

The worst toast I ever heard at a wedding was at MY wedding and new father in law gave it.

He went on and on about how our wedding date was the anniversary of his parents death!! Who mention death at a wedding toast?

And then to top that, when he handed it over to my dad, my father said my new last name wrong. He actually toasted to "(my maiden name" family and the (new name) familiy uniting." Uhhh, you think he would have made sure he had his daughters new name and in laws famliy name straight before he made that toast.

edited to add, we had NO idea about the anniversary of death thing. You think he would have mentioned it before our actual wedding day since we checked with our parents before we picked the date.

 

[geckodani]

The one that involved a puppet and the word sex.

And no, I''m not kidding.

You could hear crickets chirping in the room.

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/13/2009 10:15:28 PM
Author: geckodani
The one that involved a puppet and the word sex.

And no, I'm not kidding.

You could hear crickets chirping in the room.

hey Dani- did you just attend a wedding this past sunday?

 

[jaylex]

Ooooh! Mine are GOOD! I know they are long, but so worth the read

First Story:
My Stepsisters wedding:
Speeches:
First Best Man: Grooms brother talks about how Krissy helped him through his cancer and was a rock for him and his family (awww.. applause)
Second Best Man: Grooms other borther talked about how nervouse Joe was when he brought krissy home to meet his family 7 years ago when they were in hs. and now they're finally married! (awww.. applause)
First MOH: Talked about sentimental memory where Joe was caught in a storm on his way to see Krissy at college.. scared the crap out of her.. He finally made it to the door, sopping wet. She threw her arms around him and gave him a movie quality kiss. He asked "how are you?". She replied "I'm better now". And how they always made each other better. (Awww... applause)

Second MOH stands up and gives a speech about how she "knew that 'Joe' was the one for 'Krissy' because they let her snuggle in their bed with them in the mornings when they were at college and she'll miss 'Joe' making them all breakfast in bed. You know a guy is good for your best friend when he cuddles with the two of you and makes you BIB". Uh, what

?
---dead silence and uncomfortable looks from her and everyone else---
THEN
A drunk wedding guest says "well, how can you follow a speech about cancer?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Second Story:
At my "friend's" (we'll call her Stacy) wedding, her husbands best man was his 18 year old brother. Brides MOH was her older sister (bride was 18, groom was 21).

Brides sister started her speach with something to the effect of "I never thought i would meet anyone weird enough for Stacey... But then I met Bob. And they're perfect for each other.. He's really just like the male version of Stacey".. she kinda fumbled over it, and then ended it with the sweet, crying "i'm so proud and I love you" thing..

then, not to be outdone..
Best Man/Grooms Bro (possibly high, knowing his track record) stands up to give the speech in front of the brides baptist family and the grooms "less then proper" family.

His speech started with "When my brother 'Bob' met Stacy, no one had any idea that they could be married a year later.. Wait. you've been together a year right?......No?.....What month is it?..... November?.. you met in July.... ok. When they met 4 months ago I mean.... WHAT? Four?.. MAN!, No one could have seen this one coming. But they work together well.
He followed it with literally 10 minutes of "well... Sylvia, even though you get under my skin and really tick me off sometimes and we fight constantly, I don't hate you. I just really don't like you. But I love you as my new SIL cuz I really have no choice. And i guess you make my brother happy... except for when you fight and he tells me about it. But i'm sure you two will get along fine. And it's really kool you're married and stuff. And remember, I don't hate you. Thanks for the shoes.... I really like um (holding up his left foot). (they bought their Bms and Gms shoes for their gifts)" He ended it with "Well... who wants to see the happy couple dance?....... at a baptist wedding. where there was NO DANCING (or alcohol) permitted.





At both weddings, the couples song was "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. Coincidence?