What would you change about your life if you could?

[Polished]

At almost 52, I'm afraid I'm going to die soon.

This is quite normal at this age. Missy has given you some great advice. Try to keep healthy in mind and body and think of things to reassure yourself - you are not your parents and medical science has also improved in leaps and bounds even since our parent's day. I used to feel this way but I don't any longer, it really does pass. I think I address my health concerns better from having gone through this. There's alsways a positive!

 

[lyra]

At almost 52, I'm afraid I'm going to die soon.

This is quite normal at this age. Missy has given you some great advice. Try to keep healthy in mind and body and think of things to reassure yourself - you are not your parents and medical science has also improved in leaps and bounds even since our parent's day. I used to feel this way but I don't any longer, it really does pass. I think I address my health concerns better from having gone through this. There's alsways a positive!

Thank you Polished. I really don't know what's normal at this age. It's helpful to know that it is a common feeling. I'm an optimistic person, and this fear is new to me. I hate going to the doctor because I fear finding out that something is actually wrong. Yet I'm almost never sick.

Thank you also, Missy, for your kind words.

 

[Polished]

I hate going to the doctor because I fear finding out that something is actually wrong. Yet I'm almost never sick.

Facing your fear might be helpful in this situation. Seeing a doctor who specifically understood menopause was very helpful for me. It would have bi-passed other tests I had done that revealed I had no problems. Strategies to help you with fear and anxiety may be beneficial as you go through this.

 

[dk168]

Regrets, I had a few, but then again, too few to mention ...

"My Way" by Frank Sinatra will be played at my funeral for certain!

Would I do anything differently given the chance? Probably not.

Life is one big roller coaster full of ups and downs and twists and turns.

The low times in my life made me more appreciative of the better times.

What I had experienced in the past made me what I am today, and I like what I see in the mirror every day.

DK

 

[LaraOnline]

Interesting thread.

I wish I had the courage to meet up with my husband when I had a deep, deep crush in our university days.
I crushed so bad I felt pretty ill, and so avoided him like the plague....
We met up a full decade later, and were engaged within three months.
It's really felt like a love match, and I think his very straight and responsible attitude would have made a big difference to me in my twenties.

 

[Begonia]

Wish I had this go-for-it, what the hell attitude 25 years ago.

Still, it's working for me now.

 

[Gypsy]

Student loans. And stupid financial decisions when I was too young to know better.

 

[pregcurious]

I had a best friend in elementary school. I wish I had been nicer to her. We're no longer friends, and I wish we were. I know it sounds silly.

 

[gregchang35]

not purchase a vacant block by the marina during the boom.... now the property market has corrected itself, it will probably take 20yrs to reach the price that i paid for it.

 

[AGBF]

I had a best friend in elementary school. I wish I had been nicer to her. We're no longer friends, and I wish we were. I know it sounds silly.

It doesn't sound silly to me. It sounds really poignant, like something a novelist would include if she were writing a coming of age story loosely based on her life. Events like these that take place early in our lives are much bigger than they would be if they occurred later. An elementary school friend is more memorable than a friend you made at the gym in your twenties (unless that gym relationship became truly pivotal in your life, of course).

Deb

 

[zoebartlett]

I wish my husband and I had met earlier than we did.
I wish we never bought the condo we did.
I wish for job security.

All of those things could have changed things for us in so many ways.

Gypsy, student loans is a good one. I'll add it to my list, too. I think I'll be 80 and still paying them off.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,


I would change living in the Chicago area. I'm cold all winter, and the warm season is so short. I keep the house very warm, but when i was younger, I was always cold as well. Just become worse as i get older. When i went to Scotland I got those chillbains(sp)
on my fingers. I am too sensitive to cold.

Other regret or wishes seem to fall in the category of conflicted wishes or regrets. I do not regret my divorce for myself, but do have misgivings for my son(when he was younger, of course).
I wish as a single person I wasn't so concerned about keeping jobs. A few I hated, but felt I had to stay to support us.

I wish that I could forget the wrongs people have done to me. I forgive them, but move on faster than most people do. I rarely look back.

Pregcurious and Deb. My best friends are from early childhood and highschool. I really love those friends and shake my head how truly nice they were and are. I was lucky growing up. I try to find out where those kids I went to school are.(not my best friends) and have succeeded for some.

There are other things I would change. I have behaved ridiculously at times. I wish I knew how to handle it better. So, i continue to stumble around in life and hope it turns out Ok in the end.


Annette

Annette

 

[monarch64]

I can't think of anything I would change at the moment. I've changed a lot about my life in the past. I've joked with friends and family before that I require at least 2 tries to get something right. I took a break from college because I knew I was on the wrong path academically and otherwise, went back and excelled. I divorced my first husband because he was a dolt and I knew he'd never change, remarried someone very intelligent who makes me very happy and we are enjoying our first child together as well as a great marriage. After years of working for other people, I finally made the decision last year to stop expecting that to work and now work for myself which is totally beyond fulfilling. Anything else comes up that needs changing, I'm pretty sure I will find a way to eventually change it and move on. Right now, I'm good.

 

[Maisie]

If I could change just one thing it would be that I wouldn't have panic attacks. They cripple me a lot of the time and stop me from going outside on my own. I have a terrible fear of fainting. I know it sounds silly but when I'm in that panic I believe something terrible will happen.

 

[NOYFB]

The neighbors. ....

Ha ha. So much THIS!!!! If you're a FB friend of mine you'll know what I'm talking about.

 

[LLJsmom]

I would not take so many things so personally. I would like to develop a tougher skin, and learn to be happy in my own. I wish I could have learned how good regular exercise is for you earlier. If I had worked out regularly, ran, did yoga, when I was in college and my early 20s, I would have been able to deal with my depression better, rather than eat my way through them. I wish I had more courage to take more chances. And I definitely wish I traveled more, before we started a family. God, the list keeps on going....

 

[iLander]

I wish our business was better, and that we had kept more of our clients. But they all grew and got sold, or new management took over and brought in their own people. Used to be, you could call, talk to a human, make an appointment, and sell them. Now, no one ever answers their phone or calls back

 

[Circe]

I thought about this for a good long time ... and having applied the standard disclaimer about how every choice in my life brought me to where I am right now, which is very happy-making for me, and which I would never want to risk undoing ... honestly, I think it's just my parents that I would change. I would really love to have healthy parents. I could put up with the other stuff, I just wish they hadn't made themselves unwell. But if begging and pleading and reasoning and yelling didn't convince them at any point along the way to take diabetes medication or be serious about high blood pressure or any of the rest of it ... well, at this stage, it is what it is.

While my career hasn't turned out quite the way I'd planned - I quit a tenure-track job when my husband was transferred - aside from the ego-related ones, I have no regrets. I love having time with my kid, time to teach, and time to freelance ... when a job in my field came up in NYC this year, I had no urge to apply. So I want to enjoy this patchwork life for as long as kiddo and possible future siblings are too young for school, and after that, I'll go in one direction or another. In the meantime, I just need to keep my hand in in both fields enough to leave myself a choice down the line!

As for what I would change in the wishing way?

- get my first academic book out (it's written, I just need to edit the last chapter and send it out to publishers)

- have another kid or two

- earn way more money freelancing

- so I could buy a brownstone for my burgeoning family, which really is more amazing than I ever could have dreamed.

... all of which comes down to less procrastinating and more application of determination. So I think what I'd change is myself, to have more willpower!

 

[Laila619]

I wish I could have gotten married earlier and had more kids at a younger age.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

It would be depressing to really think back of all the things I could go back and wish to change!

But Yenny did make me think of one. I had a boyfriend my sophomore year in college and I was sooo in love I backed out of a 6 week interim trip to Ireland. Within a couple of months after that, he broke up with me!!!

There have been a few times (or thousands more likely) that keeping my mouth shut would have been a better choice than speaking.

I'd take away my mother's stroke and my father's alzheimer's.

I have a child who has a disability, and if I could only change one thing, it would be for him to be normal. That would take away a HUGE amount of pain, anxiety, etc. for the entire family and give him a normal life.

 

[missy]

Wish I had this go-for-it, what the hell attitude 25 years ago.

Still, it's working for me now.

Begonia-I admire your attitude and am working towards something similar. I don't think I will ever be WTH but perhaps I can be less OMG!


Monnie Good for you! I always say work is so much a part of our day and sometimes who we are so it's great when it is a fulfilling part of our life.

Circe Balance is what it is all about and kudos to you for finding that balance at a relatively young age! And regarding the brownstone purchase-that reminds me of another thing I wish I could change. Personally I don't care for the narrow configuration of many brownstones and the lack of light that comes with not having more than 2 exposures but I wish I had bought a brownstone in my twenties instead of my co-op apt. Because I could have sold it for 10 times what I paid for it ten or fifteen years later and probably retired much sooner than we can now. But as I wrote before hindsight is 20/20 and though I wish I had that hindsight all those years ago I did pretty well anyway. I hope you get that brownstone of your dreams sooner rather than later!

Gregchang Ooh, I could think of many things I would do with a whole block by a marina...and maybe you won't have to wait 20 years to make back (or hopefully a big profit) what you put into it. Real estate is coming back. Good luck.

Pregcurious Is there anyway you could/would reach out to her now? With Facebook and linked in etc there are so many easier ways to connect with those we have lost touch with...

dk Good for you!

Lara It was meant to be. Just took some time to get there but in the end all that matters is you are with your the love of your life.

Gypsy and Zoe and anyone else left with loans- I wish for you a debt free future. Sooner rather than later!

Annette I feel for you. I also abhor the cold weather and also suffer when it is cold with Chilblains and Raynaud's and rosacea so the cold is very painful for me. I love Chicago but could never survive the long winters there. Wishing you comfortable weather as often as possible!
And as far as forgetting the wrongs, well as long as you move on and forgive I think it is a good thing to remember. That can prevent future hurt yanno?

Maisie (((Hugs))) to you. I wish for you a present and future free of panic attacks. I know how debilitating they can be because I have a friend who suffers from these. I hope you are under a doctor's care so you can find a treatment that works for you-whether it be medication or counseling or both.

LLJsmom At least you are taking control of your health (re working out) now-it is never too late! And though you missed out on traveling when you were younger at least there is plenty of time ahead for it. And perhaps you can enjoy it with your children. I know my parents traveled with us often and because of that I got to see a lot of different places before I reached adulthood and it gave me a real appreciation of different cultures at a young age. It was a great life lesson.

iLander I too miss the human connection with many daily tasks. It's a challenge to get a real life person on the line sometimes. Sorry things didn't work out as you had hoped re your business.

Laila I know my sister wishes the same thing. But hold dear to the fact that you are with a man you love and have children who mean the world to you. That's a blessing no matter what.

diamondseeker (((Hugs))) to you. I am so sorry about your mother's stroke and your father's Alzheimer's. It's so difficult watching our parents get older and suffer through the disabilities that aging can often bring. All you want to do is take away their pain and make them whole again. Life is not easy and sometimes a daily struggle. Fortunate for them they have you as their dear daughter to help look out for them.

And (((hugs))) to you and your dear son too! I work with people with disabilities and while it can be so heartbreaking it can also be a real heartwarming experience too if that makes sense. They are amazing individuals and I love going to work each day to share my time with them. I know what a challenge it is and I am sending you lots of good wishes, strength and love to continue down this path that is less than easy. Again, I will have to say that your son is so fortunate to have you and Mr DS to care for him and share his life with.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I should have done the travel nurse assignments before marriage--I signed up, then backed out.
Be literate in more than just English. But yanno, there is still time.

cheers--Sharon

 

[rosetta]

I should have bought a house a looooong time ago. Prices in our area are now in the seven figures. So yeah, I sure missed that boat!

Other than that: no regrets. I've made astonishingly few bad choices in my life. No relationship, career, family regrets at all. No skeletons in my closet. I have no enemies (or frenemies).

Still, I have a long way to go. If we have any kids, I'm sure I'll make a ton of mistakes with them. Maybe that's why I can't pluck up the courage to have them!

 

[decodelighted]

I'd have bit the bullet and tried stand up comedy. When you're a smart girl, sometimes it doesn't seem okay to attempt things you might actually fail. Let my fear of failure stop me cold far too many times.

Also, would have started a maintainable exercise routine BEFORE I developed so many physical limitations - nagging aches etc. I was just two tennis lessons in when my gallbladder itself (abdominal surgery) and then I slipped a disc a year later. GAH! Just now crawling back to the gym and feel like I'm starting over ...

And - I wish I'd gotten down to my ideal weight (or even close) before that mid-life metabolism drop dropped the bomb-o-me.