What would you change about your life if you could?

[missy]

I've been thinking about the meaning of life and happiness and wondering if there was something (anything) you could change about your life what would it be and why? Doesn't mean you are not happy as things are but there's always room for improvement right? I would love to hear your thoughts about this topic and thanks for sharing.

 

[Circe]

Are we talking in a rewriting history way, or in a changes-I-wish-I-could-make-from-here-on-out, but-can't-quite-see-how-to-get-to way?

 

[missy]

Are we talking in a rewriting history way, or in a changes-I-wish-I-could-make-from-here-on-out, but-can't-quite-see-how-to-get-to way?

Either or both. I am interested in all thoughts.

 

[Sparklelu]

Seriously there are only two things I would do differently, one would not change who I am or where I am one bit, the other probably would have changed EVERYTHING!

First was to have accepted my Uncles offer when we were getting engaged in 1979 and buy from him my Aunt Roses diamond, instead of getting my pear. The result would have been the 3carat big sister to the larger ring in my avatar for 1500.00!

The other is far more game changing
I should have believed in my self academically and gone to medical school. I really wanted to be a psychiatrist. But the self doubt and the near pathological fear of vomit kept me from going.
As I went to college and grad school I realized I am smart and being a mom and teacher I got over the puke thing!!

 

[baby monster]

The neighbors. ....

 

[momhappy]

I don't really have many regrets in life because I choose to look at life events (good or bad) as learning experiences.
The one thing that I'd like to try to change about my life (moving forward) would be to not let things bother me so much. These days, I find myself getting irritated over the smallest things (and of course, the big things too). Parenting, work, life, home, etc. can all be so stressful at times and I'm prone to allowing myself to get overwhelmed. After having kids, I noticed that my parenting role produced a fair amount of anxiety in and of itself (always worrying about my little ones and the choices that came along with them). I don't think that my anxiety levels would be considered abnormal (it doesn't interfere with daily functioning or anything), but becoming a parent has exacerbated my role as the chronic "worrier."

 

[ame]

I'd find some way to be less of a slob and more in control of my eating.

 

[CJ2008]

1. How much effort I put into school

I did OK for myself - but I realize now that even though I'm not the smartest, if I would have applied myself, I could have gone to Harvard, or wherever I wanted.

2. Quit my past job earlier

I was completely ready to (even had a job lined up), even though I was making good money and the commute was great, because I was stagnating. The job I had lined up was in a totally different direction, it paid a lot less, but I really believed in myself, and knew I could advance in a few years to the levels I was making at this other place. And if I couldn't, I understood that the skill set I would have gained would have been valuable in and of themselves.

I allowed my family to put fear into me and I never quit.

3. That I put my mom in her place a lot earlier with a lot of things

It's amazing the control this woman had over me for so many years that I couldn't shake.

 

[siamese3]

I would make my husband's chronic pain disappear.

 

[SB621]

When we moved to Japan is when my career really started to take off. While I wanted to prove myself in my job to my boss, myself , co workers etc, I really wished I had taken a bit more time for myself and traveled more with my husband. We did do a few trips but looking back I don't think we took the opportunities to explore asia as much as we could have.

Also while I love both my children to pieces I wish they were a bit further apart then 14 months. the last 3 years has been hard and it is just now getting easier. I sometimes look at my friends who have a larger age gap between children and they seem to have it so much easier at times then myself. But then again i'm now compoletely out of the baby stage and they are just entering it again.

 

[Tekate]

marrying my exhusband.

 

[missy]

I don't really have many regrets in life because I choose to look at life events (good or bad) as learning experiences.
The one thing that I'd like to try to change about my life (moving forward) would be to not let things bother me so much. These days, I find myself getting irritated over the smallest things (and of course, the big things too). Parenting, work, life, home, etc. can all be so stressful at times and I'm prone to allowing myself to get overwhelmed. After having kids, I noticed that my parenting role produced a fair amount of anxiety in and of itself (always worrying about my little ones and the choices that came along with them). I don't think that my anxiety levels would be considered abnormal (it doesn't interfere with daily functioning or anything), but becoming a parent has exacerbated my role as the chronic "worrier."

momhappy,your post resonates with me as this is one (and main) thing I would like (and have been working towards changing) to change as well. The fact that I am a chronic worrier. In fact, it was part of my decision not to want children because I know myself so well. I think it would have caused me abnormal constant anxiety and worry. It was only a small part of my decision and not the main reason behind it but still a factor nonetheless.

I'd find some way to be less of a slob and more in control of my eating.

ame haha I wish I was more organized myself and a bit of a better housekeeper for lack of a better word. If there is one thing I do let go it is keeping the home neat and organized. My dh is the opposite of me and I know it can irritate him at times. I am not a procrastinator but when it comes to housework well, I just cannot seem to get motivated. I always find myself wanting to do better in this area as well.

Seriously there are only two things I would do differently, one would not change who I am or where I am one bit, the other probably would have changed EVERYTHING!

First was to have accepted my Uncles offer when we were getting engaged in 1979 and buy from him my Aunt Roses diamond, instead of getting my pear. The result would have been the 3carat big sister to the larger ring in my avatar for 1500.00!

The other is far more game changing
I should have believed in my self academically and gone to medical school. I really wanted to be a psychiatrist. But the self doubt and the near pathological fear of vomit kept me from going.
As I went to college and grad school I realized I am smart and being a mom and teacher I got over the puke thing!!

Sparklelu I think many of us would have been happy in more than one profession and I think there is more than one right path when it comes to this but I do understand your questioning your decision. For the record I wanted to be a clinical psychologist but my parents strongly dissuaded me from that profession knowing me as they do because they felt I would always take other people's troubles to heart.

Babymonster LOL. For sure. The only problem is there are always other neighbors to replace them haha.

Personally, as I already wrote, I want to be less of a worrier with less anxiety in general. I would love to be able to truly take one day at a time and enjoy the process without always thinking ahead to the next potential problem.

The other and related area I want to work on in my life is not being afraid of change. One thing we can be sure of in life is that things are going to change. No way to control that but I would like to be able to embrace change and make it work without fearing/dreading it. All that energy is wasted and makes no real difference to the outcome yanno? But while I *know* that it is very hard to internalize and really make it a part of your being. Though I am doing the best I can and know with time I will be able to improve this aspect. It will take persistence, time and patience on my part but I know it is a goal worth striving for.

And if I could change one thing that I know I cannot change it would be for my loved ones to always remain in good health and live a long and happy life. Sadly there is nothing one can do about this but to take as good care of yourself and loved ones as possible and leave the rest to genetics and environment and hope for the best. But this is something I wish I could change if I could.

 

[missy]

I would make my husband's chronic pain disappear.

(((hugs))) siamese. I wish you could do this as well. But knowing you are there for him has to bring him great happiness joy and security. And that is everything!

marrying my exhusband.

Tekate you can think of it this way. If you didn't marry your ex you might have never met your current love. I often think that fate has a role in this and it allows me not to regret certain past decisions. I didn't meet my dh till my 30's but I know that had I met him in my 20's I probably would not have been ready for him if that makes sense. So it all works out that way. At least that's how I think about this.

When we moved to Japan is when my career really started to take off. While I wanted to prove myself in my job to my boss, myself , co workers etc, I really wished I had taken a bit more time for myself and traveled more with my husband. We did do a few trips but looking back I don't think we took the opportunities to explore asia as much as we could have.

Also while I love both my children to pieces I wish they were a bit further apart then 14 months. the last 3 years has been hard and it is just now getting easier. I sometimes look at my friends who have a larger age gap between children and they seem to have it so much easier at times then myself. But then again i'm now compoletely out of the baby stage and they are just entering it again.

Sarah
I am so excited for you in this life changing move. And you and your dh are so young and have your whole life ahead of you for travel to be sure. And the kids being so close in age can be such a great thing. They have the chance for an even closer relationship with each other than if they were further apart in age and it also means you will be done sooner with their child rearing and be able to enjoy just the 2 of you!


CJ Good for you in overcoming all that! No small feat and it is a process so know that. You had to come to the realization with time and energy as that is the only way it would really stick if that makes sense.

1. How much effort I put into school

I did OK for myself - but I realize now that even though I'm not the smartest, if I would have applied myself, I could have gone to Harvard, or wherever I wanted.

2. Quit my past job earlier

I was completely ready to (even had a job lined up), even though I was making good money and the commute was great, because I was stagnating. The job I had lined up was in a totally different direction, it paid a lot less, but I really believed in myself, and knew I could advance in a few years to the levels I was making at this other place. And if I couldn't, I understood that the skill set I would have gained would have been valuable in and of themselves.

I allowed my family to put fear into me and I never quit.

3. That I put my mom in her place a lot earlier with a lot of things

It's amazing the control this woman had over me for so many years that I couldn't shake.

 

[AGBF]

I just read Stephen King's 11/22/63, which for those of you unfamiliar with it, is not a horror novel but a novel about time travel in which a man goes back in time to try to stop the assassination of JFK and, he hopes, a lot of other evils that followed JFK's death. He hopes, for example, that the Vietnam War will never occur, because it was President Johnson who escalated the small conflict into a full-blown war. Without giving away the plot of the book, many things would change besides the scale of the Vietnam War if President Kennedy were not assassinated. For example, there would be no War on Poverty, which was led by LBJ (President Johnson). And that would have consequences.

To be a little less longwinded in my answer, I am not sure how much I would change in my life that I would have been able to change.
Certainly, I would wish to have been born with better genes. I would wish to have been prettier, smarter, and-above all-less sensitive and prone to emotional problems. But you are not asking what could have been changed about us.

When it comes to changes I, myself, could have made I think of my choice of husband. I also think of how our adoption led to our having a mentally ill daughter who-given my husband's emotional make-up-was the last straw in our marriage.

If I had had less fear of childbirth (a fear that passed, like another poster's fear of vomit), I would have had a baby earlier when I was more fertile. Preferably with another husband. But I was afraid I would miss out on marriage and motherhood...and now I have not. I wouldn't want to trade in the joy of being a mother for anything. So, maybe as in the Stephen King novel, the past is obdurate to change for a reason.

Deb/AGBF

 

[ame]

I'd find some way to be less of a slob and more in control of my eating.

ame haha I wish I was more organized myself and a bit of a better housekeeper for lack of a better word. If there is one thing I do let go it is keeping the home neat and organized. My dh is the opposite of me and I know it can irritate him at times. I am not a procrastinator but when it comes to housework well, I just cannot seem to get motivated. I always find myself wanting to do better in this area as well.

I tell DH we need to find us a nice couple to marry. A couple of neatfreaks who are great cooks and handy with projects. I will give up my spare bedroom/landfill/office for them to have a nice bedroom of their own.

 

[missy]

I just read Stephen King's 11/22/63, which for those of you unfamiliar with it, is not a horror novel but a novel about time travel in which a man goes back in time to try to stop the assassination of JFK and, he hopes, a lot of other evils that followed JFK's death. He hopes, for example, that the Vietnam War will never occur, because it was President Johnson who escalated the small conflict into a full-blown war. Without giving away the plot of the book, many things would change besides the scale of the Vietnam War if President Kennedy were not assassinated. For example, there would be no War on Poverty, which was led by LBJ (President Johnson). And that would have consequences.

To be a little less longwinded in my answer, I am not sure how much I would change in my life that I would have been able to change.
Certainly, I would wish to have been born with better genes. I would wish to have been prettier, smarter, and-above all-less sensitive and prone to emotional problems. But you are not asking what could have been changed about us.

When it comes to changes I, myself, could have made I think of my choice of husband. I also think of how our adoption led to our having a mentally ill daughter who-given my husband's emotional make-up-was the last straw in our marriage.

If I had had less fear of childbirth (a fear that passed, like another poster's fear of vomit), I would have had a baby earlier when I was more fertile. Preferably with another husband. But I was afraid I would miss out on marriage and motherhood...and now I have not. I wouldn't want to trade in the joy of being a mother for anything. So, maybe as in the Stephen King novel, the past is obdurate to change for a reason.

Deb/AGBF

Excellent points (as always) Deb. And I agree. Changing past events can have serious and unpleasant consequences. But let's say we are just changing our past events without causing any changes to the world and dealing with whatever changes those changes might affect. Of course that brings me back to fate and the possibility that things do happen for a reason. I still believe to some extent we are very much in control of our present and future though there are a number of things we cannot change there are a number of paths one can take which would alter one's life. My question is an open one. Change something about your life or you personally or a loved one's life. Anything. It's totally open to your interpretation.

You bring up another good point. I would have loved to have different hair and genes haha. Oh to be a straight thick haired beauty with a better genetic makeup. Sigh...

 

[missy]

I'd find some way to be less of a slob and more in control of my eating.

ame haha I wish I was more organized myself and a bit of a better housekeeper for lack of a better word. If there is one thing I do let go it is keeping the home neat and organized. My dh is the opposite of me and I know it can irritate him at times. I am not a procrastinator but when it comes to housework well, I just cannot seem to get motivated. I always find myself wanting to do better in this area as well.

I tell DH we need to find us a nice couple to marry. A couple of neatfreaks who are great cooks and handy with projects. I will give up my spare bedroom/landfill/office for them to have a nice bedroom of their own.[/quote]

Haha, I tell my dh we need staff like in Downton. I really want someone to be my personal assistant in all matters of life. Such a lovely thought...but I would want them to live off the premises because in an interesting irony I value my privacy but would still love having someone to help me at my beck and call.

 

[JewelFreak]

Yeah, a few different genes would come in handy. I'd like to hang onto some, such as intellectual curiosity, which gives me immense pleasure. But the frizzy-hair gene could get lost without any grief on my part. (Thanks, Mom.)

If I had it to do over, I would go into some profession dealing with animals, maybe zoo or animal preserve work. Not as a vet -- I'd never get over the ones i couldn't save. But some other area of caring for animals, behavior work, wild-animal preserve, habitat, along those lines. Didn't because I'm not a scientific type & you need biology, etc., in your background -- that part scared me away. I'd give it a shot if I could turn the clock back. I think it would've fulfilled my whole soul in a way nothing else has.

--- Laurie

 

[OreoRosies86]

I would have spent much more time with my grandmother. I was in my early 20s when she passed away, and there was always some reason or another I didn't visit or call. She was 73 when she passed away, one night she went into the hospital with an upset stomach and the next day she was gone. It was very sudden and we weren't ready. That is my greatest regret, but overall in life I have been dealt a good hand.

 

[amc80]

I would have gone to a different college and chosen a different career path. I went to UC Santa Barbara. While it was a great location, I never really felt like I fit in there. Plus, there was no football team which meant there wasn't a ton of school spirit. My major was a double major in econ and poli sci, and then I went on to get my MA in econ.

What I wish I would have done is gone into an accelerated Pharm.D program where you get your degree in 6 years. I could be making the same that I make now, but doing it only working a few days a week. Or, I wish I would have gotten a BS in Diagnostic Medical Sonography and been an ultrasound tech.

Oh, and my ex bf and I had an investment account with which he played with penny stocks. About 10% of the money was mine. It went from about $10k to $100k and I wanted to sell, but he didn't, so we didn't. I wish I would have sold my share. Grrr.

 

[Trekkie]

Ugh! So. Many. Changes!

I'd want to be less lazy/less of a procrastinator. I mean, I haven't even posted in the procrastinating thread... I've just been putting it off.

I'd want to be able to permanently cut myself off from my maternal family. I've reduced contact but even so, I can't bring myself to eliminate contact, not while my grandmother is still alive (even though she's the cause of about 80% of the drama).

The big things? Marrying my first husband? Making more money? Being a recovering drug addict and alcoholic? I can live with those.

 

[Trekkie]

Yeah, a few different genes would come in handy. I'd like to hang onto some, such as intellectual curiosity, which gives me immense pleasure. But the frizzy-hair gene could get lost without any grief on my part. (Thanks, Mom.)

--- Laurie

The frizzy hair gene! I could definitely do without that one!

I would have spent much more time with my grandmother. I was in my early 20s when she passed away, and there was always some reason or another I didn't visit or call. She was 73 when she passed away, one night she went into the hospital with an upset stomach and the next day she was gone. It was very sudden and we weren't ready. That is my greatest regret, but overall in life I have been dealt a good hand.

Thank you for your post. As much as my grandmother annoys me I know I'll miss her like hell when she goes. Big hugs to you.

 

[missy]

Yeah, a few different genes would come in handy. I'd like to hang onto some, such as intellectual curiosity, which gives me immense pleasure. But the frizzy-hair gene could get lost without any grief on my part. (Thanks, Mom.)

If I had it to do over, I would go into some profession dealing with animals, maybe zoo or animal preserve work. Not as a vet -- I'd never get over the ones i couldn't save. But some other area of caring for animals, behavior work, wild-animal preserve, habitat, along those lines. Didn't because I'm not a scientific type & you need biology, etc., in your background -- that part scared me away. I'd give it a shot if I could turn the clock back. I think it would've fulfilled my whole soul in a way nothing else has.

--- Laurie

Laurie! My PS twin. Even down to the frizzy haired gene. Sorry you share that with me!

As for the animals, well, I am right there with you because I would have loved to work with them in some way that didn't involve any sadness. Remember that movie about the Penguins? I started bawling my eyes out when the sweet little baby penguin was left to die and the cameramen didn't do anything to intervene and save him. I just cannot take any bad things happening to animals. That was the last animal movie I saw and I rarely open up animal links here not knowing if it is happy or sad. Still upset about that dear sweet baby penguin.

And as for intellectual curiosity I share that too. I sometimes drive my dh crazy with all my questions to which he answers what, am I google? LOL. I am a curious cat by nature what can I say and I too wouldn't change that about me.


amc, wow on the penny stock. I once bought one in school but it predictably went belly up. Last penny stock ever haha. But with your luck perhaps try again? You never know...

Trekkie Good for you in overcoming so much and being so strong to do so. You know that saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And procrastination never killed anyone. Unless it's procrastinating about getting off the train tracks when the train is headed your way but I digress.

 

[missy]

I would have spent much more time with my grandmother. I was in my early 20s when she passed away, and there was always some reason or another I didn't visit or call. She was 73 when she passed away, one night she went into the hospital with an upset stomach and the next day she was gone. It was very sudden and we weren't ready. That is my greatest regret, but overall in life I have been dealt a good hand.

Elliot, (((hugs))). I was close with my grandmother and she too died before her time and it was a total shock as she was healthy and it happened immediately. The week she died I stopped by her house as I did every week but didn't stay long though she asked me to. I said next week. There was no next week. I still feel badly about that and it stays with you. But know she loved you and what you meant to her. Hugs.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I would have redone my college years. I worked full time while I was in college full time and my grades suffered. As a result I had to redo a few classes and ended up with a GPA not much over 3.0. It cost me more money to retake classes and lost scholarship than I made working. To this day I am still burdened by the loans from it. Same goes for my Husband. We both know better now not to overextend ourselves and it sure would be nice to go back and fix it. There's plenty of jewelry mistakes too lol.

 

[yennyfire]

I skipped the opportunity to study abroad because I didn't want to leave my then boyfriend (later, my ex-husband). I always wonder if I'd gone, would our relationship have lasted, and if not, would I also have decided to pursue a PhD in Psychology instead of getting my MS in Counseling (which was less schooling and enabled me to start working sooner to pay for his MBA).

Of course, then I might not have met DH and have my two amazing kids and I wouldn't trade them for the world!

I would however, trade in my coarse, frizzy hair that is the bane of my existence for thick, straight, shiny hair.

 

[Jennifer W]

Right now, there is not one thing I would change. My only wish is that I could be as happy as I am now for the rest of my life. Sure, there are things I could have done differently all down the line, but I have no big regrets and at the moment, things are really good. I'm blessed. I'm in a great place now, and appreciate it all the more for knowing how lucky that makes me.

Tell you what though, if Rockdiamond wanted to gift me the blue diamond in my avatar, I'd say it was just the icing on the cake...

 

[armywife13]

I have two things I would change....

1: I wish I would have finished my Bachelor's Degree before I ran off and got married. I was 2 years from finishing my chemistry degree with a minor in teaching. Instead I jumped ship, moved across the country and got married. Fast forward to today(6 years later), I have changed my career path to something that will be easier to maintain during our frequent moves, resulting in me needing to start completely over with school. I finished my Associates in 2012, got my rhit cert, and now have two years left for my Bachelor's. Then I will get my rhia cert and hopefully be done with school for the foreseeable future and start working. While I know the career choice I am going up school for is much better for my family as a whole, I feel like I cheated myself out of a degree and career I would have loved.

2: I wish I would have waited longer to have kids. I love my two girls more than anything, but I regret not taking more time for my husband and I as a couple before throwing kids into the mix. But what can I say, the military is full of young families and as much as we tried to wait, we got baby fever watching everyone else around us have children.

 

[lyra]

At 50, I felt such freedom and liberation. At 51, my physical abilities started to diminish somewhat. At almost 52, I'm afraid I'm going to die soon. I wish I could change my thinking and not have that fear anymore. I am starting to worry I won't see grandchildren, or the marriages of my kids. My father and brother died when they were 52 and 53. My mom died when she was 65. I feel like I'm next. I wish I could banish the negative feelings and enjoy each day.

 

[missy]

At 50, I felt such freedom and liberation. At 51, my physical abilities started to diminish somewhat. At almost 52, I'm afraid I'm going to die soon. I wish I could change my thinking and not have that fear anymore. I am starting to worry I won't see grandchildren, or the marriages of my kids. My father and brother died when they were 52 and 53. My mom died when she was 65. I feel like I'm next. I wish I could banish the negative feelings and enjoy each day.

lyra I am so sorry you lost your father and brother and mom at such a young age. I know how fear can be paralyzing and how detrimental it is to your overall (emotional and physical) well being. Please don't let it overrun your mind to that point. I wish you a worry free zone. Allow yourself a set time each day to worry about whatever is stressing you and then banish it from your mind. Make sure you take care of yourself so you could maintain the best health possible. Make sure you confide in your doctor(s) because they can make a difference to your physical and emotional health. I truly understand your fears and I want you to be at peace from this awful worry and to be able to enjoy each day to its fullest. (((Hugs))) and good wishes being sent your way.

I would have redone my college years. I worked full time while I was in college full time and my grades suffered. As a result I had to redo a few classes and ended up with a GPA not much over 3.0. It cost me more money to retake classes and lost scholarship than I made working. To this day I am still burdened by the loans from it. Same goes for my Husband. We both know better now not to overextend ourselves and it sure would be nice to go back and fix it. There's plenty of jewelry mistakes too lol.

Asscherhalo Hindsight is indeed 20/20. I often wish for that crystal ball before I make certain decisions. I am sorry you have these loans and I hope the burden of paying them off is soon lifted.

I skipped the opportunity to study abroad because I didn't want to leave my then boyfriend (later, my ex-husband). I always wonder if I'd gone, would our relationship have lasted, and if not, would I also have decided to pursue a PhD in Psychology instead of getting my MS in Counseling (which was less schooling and enabled me to start working sooner to pay for his MBA).

Of course, then I might not have met DH and have my two amazing kids and I wouldn't trade them for the world!

I would however, trade in my coarse, frizzy hair that is the bane of my existence for thick, straight, shiny hair.

Yenny Meant to be in my mind because your kids wouldn't be your kids if the timing was any different. And we frizzy hair ladies need to unite and make frizzy the new straight lol.

JenniferW Happy to hear you are so happy! And if Rockdiamond sees it fit to bestow that blue diamond on you well, I want a job working for him too then!