What to do with a diamond from a previous engagement?

[Finn00]

I purchased a diamond from Whiteflash a couple of years ago for a previous engagement. Unfortunately, it did not work out. I have the diamond which is a Round Brilliant with AGS cert. Excellent 1 cut, I color, SI1 clarity at .90 carats, 59.9% total depth, 59% table with a thin to slightly thick girdle.

Whiteflash has included a trade-up option for this diamond, but my problem is that diamond prices have sky-rocketed since I have purchased this diamond and to even trade up .20 points would cost almost twice the amount I originally paid. My budget is tight and a wedding is already being planned. I can afford to purchase a new ring (ironically her favorite pick is the same model I gave to my ex), but I don't think I can afford to purchase a new diamond of similar proportions. I don't want to give her a "used" diamond and I am certain she would not want one from my ex. My question is do you think I could reasonably get my moneys worth on a trade-in with a jeweler? Any advise would be appreciated (sorry for the long-winded post).

-Brendan

 

[Dreamer_D]

You will not get more money with another jeweler, though you can check on it. I think a trade in with the original jeweler might be the only option to get good value.

I would talk to your gf though. Me personally, I would use the "used" diamond rather than shell out a huge amount for basically the same thing.

WF also does a buy back at 70% what you paid, but I don't see why you would do that over a trade.

You can also try selling privately on ebay or similar. You might get more back that way because people do recognize the brand and would likely be happy to pay what you paid, not what diamonds cost today. But again, that does not help much with buying a new diamond, seems the same as doing the trade up.

 

[IbrahimSS]

In my opinion, this seems like a highly personal and more emotionally driven than financially/logically driven decision. All anyone can do is really list out your options and you can decide from there:
1) give her the same rock as your ex - no cost
2) sell the stone back and repurchase as similar stone - likely lose some money trading a used stone for a new one
3) trade up - pay extra money for the upgrade

If she'd be ok with it I think she'd get the best deal out of option 1) but again highly personal. Maybe someone else with more experience can add to your list of options... good luck that's a toughy...

 

[kenny]

You are about to marry this lady, so I'd discuss this with her.
Just lay everything out on the table, FIRST saying that you don't want to give a "used" diamond that was bought for another woman.
Involve her is what is an important financial decision.

It is possible she will accept the diamond since you addressed the downside first and she knows she does not have to, and it makes so much financial sense to use it.
I would not argue with her.
Let her make the call.
But I'd also mention that even with a "new" diamond there is no guarantee it was not on another woman's finger or left over from a divorce or death.
Nobody throws away used diamonds.

 

[centralsquare]

Agree with other posters...you have to first determine your new fiance's position on having a used diamond (I wouldn't mind it). From there, I think your options are really clear. If she does care, perhaps suggest a new/different setting so it will feel like her own?

 

[Sheherizaad]

I would also mention (if it bothers you of course) that the setting (diamond?) she picked out is eerily similar to what your ex had. I personally would want to know that. If everytime my fiance saw my hand and remembered that he got her practically the same thing, it would drive me batsh**.... There are plenty of other settings/diamonds to choose from.

 

[tyty333]

I would also give her the option...I would not called it "used" or mention that you bought it for another lady...just say its a
stone that you bought in a previous life (I assume she knows your pass and will know where this stone came from). Dont lie,
just try to present it in the best light possible.

If you are going to show it to her at the time I would remove it from the setting and just show her the stone so it does
not look like it has been so personalized with a setting for someone else. I would probably buy a new setting and
sell the old one on ebay (or somewhere).

 

[Sheherizaad]

I would also give her the option...I would not called it "used" or mention that you bought it for another lady...just say its a
stone that you bought in a previous life (I assume she knows your pass and will know where this stone came from). Dont lie,
just try to present it in the best light possible.

If you are going to show it to her at the time I would remove it from the setting and just show her the stone so it does
not look like it has been so personalized with a setting for someone else. I would probably buy a new setting and
sell the old one on ebay (or somewhere).

You know your fiance the most. I personally do not agree with this but my fiance knows me and knows that total honesty (even if its something I don't want to hear) is best for me. I agree that the past is the past, but I think it's in her best interest to know that the stone was originally meant for someone else. Some people are very practical and do not care. Others not so much.

 

[crbl999]

I am in a similar situation. I purchased a stone and e-ring from BGD, but never proposed as the relationship ended. My SCGF and I have discussed our options as well. Originally we both wanted to trade in the stone and upgrade...well, that was before we learned that diamond prices have skyrocketed. To get a similar sized stone, I would be paying almost double what I had originally paid. In no way am I saying that my SCGF is not worth spending the extra money on. We both can think of other ways to spend $5,000…down payment on a house for example. For me, there is no emotional correlation between the stone and my ex GF. I selected the stone because it was amazing and the purchase was not based on preselected/defined criteria by the ex. The setting on the other hand will be upgraded to one that is chosen by my SCGF. Since the Fishtail Pave with Truth Head is in "used, but like new" condition it will be put on consignment with Pearlman's. You need to have an open discussion with your GF if you plan on resetting the diamond. I would definitely tell her that her setting choice is very similar to what your ex has chosen.

 

[Sheherizaad]

Erm... I'm such a ditz for asking this but what does "SCGF" stand for? lol

 

[Mayk]

If she were to agree to use the same stone maybe you could spend the money you have saved for this for a upgraded setting or band... a little extra bling is always a good thing..

 

[swingirl]

Have you asked if WF would make an even exchange just to get a different stone or going down a bit in cut, color or clarity?

Personally, I would not want my BF's ex's diamond in my engagement ring. This is something she's going to looking at for the rest of her life and you don't want her be reminded of your ex over and over again.

Also, how about getting it slightly recut/polished and getting a new certificate. This would make it a "new" stone with a new certificate that has a recent date. This will cost several hundred dollars ($600-700?) but be cheaper than taking a loss selling it.

 

[crbl999]

Erm... I'm such a ditz for asking this but what does "SCGF" stand for? lol

Wait! What? How can you not know what SCGF stands for SCGF = super cool girlfriend.

 

[MissStepcut]

If I'd bought a "Pricescope favorite" diamond, I'd call up JbEG and Pearlman's and try to sell it for what I paid + cover commission, and with the recent price spike, I suspect you'll get it. Good luck!

 

[Sheherizaad]

Erm... I'm such a ditz for asking this but what does "SCGF" stand for? lol

Wait! What? How can you not know what SCGF stands for SCGF = super cool girlfriend.

My bad. I was only familiar with SFAGF/ SFABF (super freaking awesome girlfriend/ super freaking awesome boyfriend) !

 

[Regular Guy]

crbl999 offers some "ways of looking at it" that might provide assistance.

You may have other strategies available to you.

Take it to a mikveh?

You're looking for a fresh start.

There may be ways besides a new diamond.


Ira Z.

P.S. But also agree with IbrahimSS...highly personal. Best!

 

[Dreamer_D]

If I'd bought a "Pricescope favorite" diamond, I'd call up JbEG and Pearlman's and try to sell it for what I paid + cover commission, and with the recent price spike, I suspect you'll get it. Good luck!

But that is no different than doing the upgrade. He is still on the hook for current diamond prices! Unless he can get more for the original. And selling would let him select the vendor.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think she should get the ring she wants and the ring style of the former GF is irrelevant! I would NOT mention that to her!

I'd bite the bullet and trade it in for a similar size. Call WhiteFlash and explain the situation. The same size diamond will not be twice as much. My diamond was bought 4 years ago and is certainly not double the original price. I wouldn't consider trading with a local jeweler because you likely will come out with a worse diamond or spending more than you would at WF. I don't know how much you paid, but they do have a .90 H SI1 right now. You'd be paying for an upgrade in color, but I think it would be best to start fresh with a diamond selected for her.

 

[Lula]

You'll get 1/4 to 1/3 of what you paid for it, at best, selling it on consignment or even selling it on your own through ebay or to a local jeweler.

Yes, we all know how wonderful AGS 0 and GIA Ex diamonds are, in terms of cut quality, and that is valued here -- but it's not valued so much on the resale market, though. People are cheap when it comes to buying "used" diamonds. And most people (and jewelers) do not know a thing about cut quality, so what they are willing to pay for is carat weight, color, and clarity, in that order. Your stone is just under a carat, so that actually hurts you in the resale market.

I agree with those who have suggested that you do not give this diamond to your new gf -- too much baggage. And even if she "seems" okay with it in the short-term (in the excitement of being engaged) this is the type of issue that can surface later in a marriage as a sore spot, or surface as resentment in the future.

Here's what I'd suggest to minimize your loss (and, imho, some financial loss is worth emotional peace of mind in the long run, especially when it comes to something as important as an engagement ring).

1. Call Whiteflash and explain the situation to them. See what they can do for you in terms of a trade-in.

2. If WF cannot, because of the steep increase in diamond prices, help cushion the blow via a trade-in, then keep the diamond and take it to a few local (reputable) jewelry stores and ask them about a trade-in. You don't need to go into all the gory details with them; just tell them that you are interested in trading the diamond you have in for a new diamond and setting and ask them how much they would give you for a trade-in on your stone. You may be surprised how much they are willing to offer you for a trade-in to get your business in a tough economy (and they also gain a nice stone for their inventory).

3. Finally, if you're still not happy with the financial loss with options 1 and 2, consider taking WF up on their 70% buyback policy. You'll get a clean break and will not have to go through the hassle -- and it is a hassle -- of selling or consigning the diamond and waiting for it to sell. I think you will find that 70% of what you paid is quite generous, when compared to selling it yourself or consigning it.

4. You should be able to sell the empty setting without a lot of trouble on ebay or through Pearlman's. But make sure you know the melt value of the setting before you agree to sell it to anyone -- it's my experience that buyers of used settings don't like to pay a whole lot more than melt value, unless the setting is antique or a well-known brand name, and even then, I've seen settings languish for months on ebay because the sellers are asking too much.

 

[marcy]

I personally would not want a diamond you bought for someone else. I definitely would see what WF has to say, they always seem to be a great vendor to work with. I agree even if you go the 70% buy route you'll still have a decent chunk to put towards a new diamond.

 

[Gypsy]

I personally would not want a diamond you bought for someone else. I definitely would see what WF has to say, they always seem to be a great vendor to work with. I agree even if you go the 70% buy route you'll still have a decent chunk to put towards a new diamond.

I would ask WF if they could do you a favor and just exchange the diamond for another one with similar specs. I would also try to get a different looking setting than the one your ex had.

The last thing you want is your ex seeing it and saying to your current lady... huh, so he just gave you the same ring, huh.

Ya know?

Another option... if you bought the diamond while Brian Gavin was at WF... you might try to give them a call and see if they will work with you. Brian Gavin Diamonds is the name of his new company.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think Brian will only consider ACA's, Gypsy. So I don't think that would work.

I am not understanding the posts suggesting that he sell it back and get only 70%. He'll get 100% credit on a new stone through WF, so why get only 70% to apply toward a new stone? That doesn't make sense to me. Trading with WF is the only thing that makes sense to me. As long as he stays under a carat, he is not going to be paying a huge amount more.

 

[Lula]

I think Brian will only consider ACA's, Gypsy. So I don't think that would work.

I am not understanding the posts suggesting that he sell it back and get only 70%. He'll get 100% credit on a new stone through WF, so why get only 70% to apply toward a new stone? That doesn't make sense to me. Trading with WF is the only thing that makes sense to me. As long as he stays under a carat, he is not going to be paying a huge amount more.

He could get 70% back in cash from WF and use it toward another diamond from another online company or local store, or buy something other than a diamond, if WF doesn't have anything in inventory that will work for him in his budget. I agree, simply upgrading with WF may be the most cost-effective way to go, but a lot depends on whether he wants to stick with WF, what WF has in stock, and whether he's willing to compromise on color, size, etc., to stick within his budget.

ETA: Forgot to add -- it sounds like the OP wants to go up in carat weight, or at least stay the same. He'd have to compromise quite a bit on color, cut, and clarity to go over a carat and stay under $1,000 extra on top of his trade-in (just taking a WAG). I don't know what year he bought the stone, but I'm sure he's looking at more than a couple grand over what he paid to get something in the 1 carat range, H - J color, and SI clarity.

 

[marcy]

Sorry if I didn't clarify my 70% thought. If you can get full credit for an exchange with WF that would be the best way to go for a new diamond. Good luck.

ETA: I see WF trades in diamonds for equal or greater value so hopefully they can find you a new beautiful diamond.

 

[kindred]

You're in a tight spot with the way prices have gone up. Have you talked this over with your girlfriend? I would think she would want to know that her favorite ring is the same model you gave to your ex. I would think she'd either be okay with it and accept the ring the ex had, or not be okay with it and want a different style entirely.

If it's something she just can't get over, I would say you're going to have to pony up the difference in price between what you can get for the stone you already have and the cost of new stone. Someone else already made the point that there is no guarantee that a newly purchased diamond is "new", but that may not matter to your girlfriend as long as she doesn't get the same diamond you previously gave to your ex.

Let us know what you end up doing.

 

[mjertl]

My boyfriend was married and divorced in the past. I have no issues with him having that past (I was in a longer relationship with a boyfriend I lived with but never married. Whatever.), but in no way would I want the same diamond or ring that he gave her! Everytime I looked at it (which would be all the time), I'd remember that it was what he bought her when he was planning forever with her. I want to see his plans for forever with ME when I look at my ring. I am not a fancy girl - not looking at rocks bigger than about a carat, not wanting to spend a billion dollars on a ring (even though BF and I both have great jobs and make good money - there are just better things to spend money on I think) - BUT I wouldn't care how much it would cost to get me a new ring and rock... I figure, if you hadn't been engaged in the past you would have had to buy "SCGF" a ring from scratch anyway, so the fact that you can apply an old ring to this purchase is just a bonus.

 

[MissStepcut]

If I'd bought a "Pricescope favorite" diamond, I'd call up JbEG and Pearlman's and try to sell it for what I paid + cover commission, and with the recent price spike, I suspect you'll get it. Good luck!

But that is no different than doing the upgrade. He is still on the hook for current diamond prices! Unless he can get more for the original. And selling would let him select the vendor.

Also, turn around and also buy on the secondary market. We picked up a Brian Gavin re-cut on the secondary market at a discount over current prices.

 

[crbl999]

My boyfriend was married and divorced in the past. I have no issues with him having that past (I was in a longer relationship with a boyfriend I lived with but never married. Whatever.), but in no way would I want the same diamond or ring that he gave her! Everytime I looked at it (which would be all the time), I'd remember that it was what he bought her when he was planning forever with her. I want to see his plans for forever with ME when I look at my ring. I am not a fancy girl - not looking at rocks bigger than about a carat, not wanting to spend a billion dollars on a ring (even though BF and I both have great jobs and make good money - there are just better things to spend money on I think) - BUT I wouldn't care how much it would cost to get me a new ring and rock... I figure, if you hadn't been engaged in the past you would have had to buy "SCGF" a ring from scratch anyway, so the fact that you can apply an old ring to this purchase is just a bonus.

I have a great career…it pays my bills and I am able to enjoy life without financial stress. However, I am very modest and can’t justify spending more than $10,000 on a stone, e-ring, and wedding band. Being able to apply upgrade the stone and receive 100% of what I paid is not a bonus when you consider diamond prices have increased significantly. If diamond prices decreased that would be a bonus. The fact that I have $X amount to apply to another stone is irrelevant as my budget has not changed…I am still subject to higher diamond prices.

In the end you have to decide what is more important:
1. A ‘new’ diamond that WILL be smaller due to diamond prices
2. A diamond that is at least X ct, X color, or X clarity
3. A setting of your choosing

Pick two.

I have searched PS and was hesitant to post in this thread as I knew very few PSers would accept a ‘used’ diamond. I was merely trying to relate to the OP, so thanks for your selfish, materialistic opinion “BUT I wouldn't care how much it would cost to get me a new ring and rock”…even though I didn’t ask for it.

 

[TristanC]

My boyfriend was married and divorced in the past. I have no issues with him having that past (I was in a longer relationship with a boyfriend I lived with but never married. Whatever.), but in no way would I want the same diamond or ring that he gave her! Everytime I looked at it (which would be all the time), I'd remember that it was what he bought her when he was planning forever with her. I want to see his plans for forever with ME when I look at my ring. I am not a fancy girl - not looking at rocks bigger than about a carat, not wanting to spend a billion dollars on a ring (even though BF and I both have great jobs and make good money - there are just better things to spend money on I think) - BUT I wouldn't care how much it would cost to get me a new ring and rock... I figure, if you hadn't been engaged in the past you would have had to buy "SCGF" a ring from scratch anyway, so the fact that you can apply an old ring to this purchase is just a bonus.

I have a great career…it pays my bills and I am able to enjoy life without financial stress. However, I am very modest and can’t justify spending more than $10,000 on a stone, e-ring, and wedding band. Being able to apply upgrade the stone and receive 100% of what I paid is not a bonus when you consider diamond prices have increased significantly. If diamond prices decreased that would be a bonus. The fact that I have $X amount to apply to another stone is irrelevant as my budget has not changed…I am still subject to higher diamond prices.

In the end you have to decide what is more important:
1. A ‘new’ diamond that WILL be smaller due to diamond prices
2. A diamond that is at least X ct, X color, or X clarity
3. A setting of your choosing

Pick two.

I have searched PS and was hesitant to post in this thread as I knew very few PSers would accept a ‘used’ diamond. I was merely trying to relate to the OP, so thanks for your selfish, materialistic opinion “BUT I wouldn't care how much it would cost to get me a new ring and rock”…even though I didn’t ask for it.

Chill man. I don't even think that post was directed at you.

If you have the courage and the life partner with whom your decision makes sense and is one that leaves more money for more right things - even if that is just blowing it on a holiday, or in a long term forex FD so that trip to disneyland for the kids 8 years later is at least 50% paid for... whatever it is, it is your decision and you have every right to stand by it and be justifiably proud of it.

Everyone here is entitled to voice their opinions - without getting grief for it unless it was unduly personal.

@ The OP: Personally, I would just do whatever I feel I can do in good conscience. You will know, because it will feel right. And if anyone calls you out - you'll still smile to yourself because they "just don't get it"; you shouldn't feel sore.

 

[karpouzi]

Pretend you didn't have this diamond at all. What would you do then? I know and understand your budget is tight (ours was too) but a credit towards a new diamond is better than no credit.

FWIW, there was a thread on PS some time ago from a woman who had her diamond from a previous relationship. She gave it to her new boyfriend so that he could use it to upgrade to a new stone for their engagement. As it turned out he chose a stone that cost about the same. The consensus on that thread was that he should have contributed more to the new stone/ring because the way it turned out it was like her ex had purchased her new engagement ring. I kind of feel like something similar is going on here: if you can, you should try to contribute even a little bit of new money for a new stone or else it's like your old relationship is buying this ring. All the more so if you use the same diamond which I think most women would have a serious problem with.