What qualities you strongly like & dislike in people?

[kenny]

You go first.

 

[the_mother_thing]

Like - respect
Dislike - hypocrisy

 

[stracci2000]

Like--Kindness
Dislike--dishonesty

 

[marcy]

Like - honestly, loyalty, understanding, humor, responsibility

Dislike - lying, deflection, gossiper,

 

[monarch64]

I strongly dislike in others what I dislike in myself. And I strongly like in others what I like about myself.

So, I dislike hypocrisy, stubbornness, meanness, intolerance, and materialism.

I LIKE respect, compassion, tolerance, open-mindedness, hunger for knowledge, and stoicism.

I will contradict myself a bit here, though. It's hard for me to dislike SOME things I dislike about myself, in others. In many regards I feel compassionate towards those to whom I can relate. On another thread earlier, Packrat and Jambalaya said they did not feel particularly intelligent or articulate. I feel the same, and that made me like them more, even though it's a quality I feel I share and also dislike about myself.

There are lots of others. I will try not to take up too much precious internet space here, though, and let others speak (probably more eloquently!)

 

[blingbunny10]

like - honesty/bluntness, reliability, dry wit
dislike - entitlement, dishonesty, drama/attention seeking

 

[Gypsy]

I distrust people pleasers and dislike people who are fake.

I like direct people who are authentic.

I'd rather deal with an authentic, direct, unpleasant person than a fake person who acts nice.

 

[LLJsmom]

Like - honesty, empathy, kindness, integrity, openness to new ideas and to change, being considerate, being able to see the big picture
Dislike - thoughtlessness, being inconsiderate, lacking integrity, meanness, Inflexibility, narrow mindedness

 

[Andelain]

Most of what's mention above, and I'll add one more dislike. People who cannot respect my personal space.

 

[Sphene]

Like - honest strong blunt warrior intelligence
Dislike - dishonest weak wishy washy apathy low IQ

 

[missy]

I agree with almost everything everyone has shared so far.

I like first and foremost kindness and empathy and generosity of spirit. Honesty is a must for me in any relationship.
I admire and respect hard work, conscientiousness, dedication and loyalty. Someone who takes responsibility for their actions is also something I admire and wish more people would do.

I find a sense of humor to be an integral part of any successful long term relationship. It's much easier to make it through life with a good sense of humor and it is a quality I look for in others. Life is just more fun when you can laugh often.

I admire people who are free and generous with their love and positive energy and who are always there for you helping you laugh through life's challenges. There for not just the good but the bad. It takes a special person to bring positive energy and light to others and I admire that greatly. Life has a way of challenging us and sometimes the best way to get through it is with the support of others who can make you see the humor in it all.

I admire people who dedicate time in helping others without seeking anything in return. Just for the sake of making someone's life better.

I admire grace and strength during difficult times.

I dislike people who are fake and pretend to be someone they are not and who say one thing to your face and talk about others behind their backs. Not cool and no thanks.

I dislike people who lack integrity and honesty and who are cheap not in the smart shopping sort of way but as in truly cheap. I find people like that are also cheap with their emotions and love and cannot give fully to others. Not sure I am making it clear but I know some people like this. Cheap not just with money but with everything in life.

And I dislike people who think they are entitled just because. People who won't take responsibility for themselves and their actions and think the world owes them a free ride. No one is entitled to anything. If you work hard and do your best and are grateful for everything good in your life that is wonderful. But if you think you deserve something just because that is not cool.

I dislike people who are mean.

Empathy is a great quality so will agree with Monnie right there. You feel compassion towards those who you feel have (sometimes perceived) limitations and I think that's admirable. However I think you and some of the others you mention don't have those limitations except for what they put on themselves. Meaning just because you think you are not smart doesn't make it so. I think you are very smart Monnie and I enjoy reading what you write and ditto some others who have labeled themselves not intelligent. Not true.

Psers are a smart and diverse bunch and I admire and respect many of you ladies and gents. We all bring something different to the table and I enjoy what each and everyone of you bring whether or not I agree with whatever the issue at the moment is.

 

[Jambalaya]

Like - People who demonstrate a widely benign, expansive approach to the people around them. That is, people who see the best in others, give them the benefit of the doubt, and remember that much may be going on with them that you don't know about.

Dislike - Users. People who use another person for companionship, friendship, love, sex, or money without genuinely caring about that person as a unique and special individual.

 

[Jambalaya]

Post meant for another thread.

 

[marymm]

strongly like: kind and a well-developed sense of humor

strongly dislike: "me, me, me" and soul-suckers

 

[telephone89]

Like: Honesty, intelligence, thirst for knowledge
Dislike: Passive aggressive, Humble-braggers, pettiness (?)

 

[CJ2008]

Like - honesty, straightforwardness, compassion, ability to be objective and see different perspectives, quiet/comfortable confidence, courtesy
Dislike - victim mentality, slick/sly people, arrogance, rudeness

 

[EvangelineG]

Like- kindness paired with honesty, humor, accepting attitude towards differences of all kinds, being passionate about what you love, having curiosity about the world around you and other people, a personal code of ethics

Dislike- any kind of lying, manipulating or disingenuous behaviour, pushing your belief systems down others' throats, being too concerned with appearances or the status quo (so boring), being ok with harming others in any way

 

[Andelain]

Like - honest strong blunt warrior intelligence
Dislike - dishonest weak wishy washy apathy low IQ

You dislike someone for something beyond their control? Not everyone is born with a high IQ. That's like disliking someone because they were born a different race or gender.

 

[kenny]

I strongly dislike in others what I dislike in myself. And I strongly like in others what I like about myself.

Very astute (and behind-the-curtain) observation!

 

[kenny]

Like - honest strong blunt warrior intelligence
Dislike - dishonest weak wishy washy apathy low IQ

You dislike someone for something beyond their control? Not everyone is born with a high IQ. That's like disliking someone because they were born a different race or gender.

I'd like to make a distinction.

This thread ask about liking and disliking qualities, not people.
Might seem like splitting hairs, semantics, or the same thing ... but it's not, and it's a very important distinction.

In this case I can understand liking high IQ, but when it comes to liking people I bet we all like some with higher and some with lower IQ, and dislike some with higher and some with lower IQ.

Again this thread is not about people, it's about qualities that people have.

 

[kenny]

I distrust people pleasers and dislike people who are fake.

I like direct people who are authentic.

I'd rather deal with an authentic, direct, unpleasant person than a fake person who acts nice.

+1000

Especially authentic!
Faux-nice and faux-polite people makes my skin crawl!

Ironically this is exactly why I LOVE the 1985 British miniseries called Mapp & Lucia.
Netflix has the DVDs.

It it the ultimate example of two of the most viscous people on the planet presenting as though they were the two nicest people on the planet.
Rarely have I seen more deftly-articulated characters.
Absolutely hilarious!

My buddy and I nicknamed the series, "Bitches with Smiles".

 

[chrono]

I distrust people pleasers and dislike people who are fake.
I like direct people who are authentic.
I'd rather deal with an authentic, direct, unpleasant person than a fake person who acts nice.

Very much this. I find it very tiring to try to read between the lines. Just tell me as is and if I can't handle it, then that is on me, but I appreciate authenticity and directness. If I ask whether there's something wrong and the answer I get is "nothing", I will take it at face value and not be bothered to look for the root cause as why you are sulking. It drives me crazy when a person puts on this persona with a nice face saying "sure" but underneath it all is seething with "no way Jose".

[Generic "you"]

 

[Jambalaya]

But how can you tell if someone is being fake-nice? Wouldn't you only know if you had prior knowledge of them?

About people-pleasers also, I just want to say that sometimes people do that because they don't have the self-confidence to be who they really are, or to be themselves. Some people really do suffer from a crippling lack of confidence and/or shyness that prevents them from being authentic in front of people they don't know very well. Just wanted to put that out there!

ETA: Posting at the same time, Chrono!

 

[kenny]

But how can you tell if someone is being fake-nice? Wouldn't you only know if you had prior knowledge of them?

About people-pleasers also, I just want to say that sometimes people do that because they don't have the self-confidence to be who they really are, or to be themselves. Some people really do suffer from a crippling lack of confidence and/or shyness that prevents them from being authentic in front of people they don't know very well. Just wanted to put that out there! v

Yes of course.
Again this thread is not about people, it's about qualities that people have.

So some people are themselves while others are people-pleasers.
I like when someone is themselves and dislike when someone is a people pleaser.
The reasons for people becoming one or the other are not relevant to what qualities I like or dislike.

In particular ... saying, "because they don't have the self-confidence to be who they really are" does not matter at all.
Reasons for qualities are irrelevant to this topic.
I like what I like, and dislike what I dislike.

None of us should feel any PC obligation to like everything or everyone equally because of X, Y, or Z.

Now if I'm renting property or job interviewing I must put my personal preferences aside and decide based on relevant qualifcations.
But this thread isn't that.
It's must about, what qualities you strongly like & dislike in people.

No analysis, explanations or justifications are needed.

You like what you like.
You dislike what you dislike.
Period.

 

[kenny]

But how can you tell if someone is being fake-nice?

I hate to put it this way, but ... you can just tell.

I'm reminded of something IIRC US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said ... something like, "I can't define pornography but I know it when I see it."

 

[Jambalaya]

But how can you tell if someone is being fake-nice? Wouldn't you only know if you had prior knowledge of them?

About people-pleasers also, I just want to say that sometimes people do that because they don't have the self-confidence to be who they really are, or to be themselves. Some people really do suffer from a crippling lack of confidence and/or shyness that prevents them from being authentic in front of people they don't know very well. Just wanted to put that out there! v

Yes of course.
Again this thread is not about people, it's about qualities that people have.

So some people are themselves while others are people-pleasers.
I like when someone is themselves and dislike when someone is a people pleaser.
The reasons for people becoming one or the other are not relevant to what qualities I like or dislike.
In particular saying, "because they don't have the self-confidence to be who they really are" does not matter at all.
I like what I like and dislike what I dislike.

None of us should feel any PC obligation to like everything or everyone equally because of X, Y, or Z.

Now if I'm renting property or job interviewing I must put my personal preferences aside and decide based on relevant qualifcations.
But this thread isn't that.
It's must about, what qualities you strongly like & dislike in people.

No analysis, explanations or justifications are needed.

You like what you like.
You dislike what you dislike.
Period.

Yup, we're talking about the qualities we do and don't like. But I was thinking about how that applies in real life. So if someone doesn't like a people-pleaser, that person might give them a hard time at the office or reject their invitation to go for drinks, or not include them. Then poor old People-Pleaser goes home and cries into his or her pillow because they have low self-confidence in the first place, and they've just had an experience that doesn't help with that, through no fault of their own. (If the pleasing is down to low self-esteem.)

I hadn't really absorbed your point above, Kenny, about the fine difference between qualities and people. I understand what you mean now though. I was just sounding a warning bell about giving real-life people-pleasers the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Gypsy]

But how can you tell if someone is being fake-nice? Wouldn't you only know if you had prior knowledge of them?

About people-pleasers also, I just want to say that sometimes people do that because they don't have the self-confidence to be who they really are, or to be themselves. Some people really do suffer from a crippling lack of confidence and/or shyness that prevents them from being authentic in front of people they don't know very well. Just wanted to put that out there!

ETA: Posting at the same time, Chrono!

About people pleasers. I get that. And that's exactly why I don't trust them. They have no self esteem and no spine. So, IMO, that means that they do not have enough WHATEVER you want to call it (confidence, character, etc.) to stick to their convictions when push comes to shove. I do not trust people like that. And no, I don't care WHAT the reason is for how they are. I may be friendly with them. But they will never be a truly close friend, inner circle, for me because the trust is not there.

You can tell when people are being fake nice, most of the time. And no, sometimes prior knowledge is not needed. You feel it in your gut.

 

[Jambalaya]

But how can you tell if someone is being fake-nice? Wouldn't you only know if you had prior knowledge of them?

About people-pleasers also, I just want to say that sometimes people do that because they don't have the self-confidence to be who they really are, or to be themselves. Some people really do suffer from a crippling lack of confidence and/or shyness that prevents them from being authentic in front of people they don't know very well. Just wanted to put that out there!

ETA: Posting at the same time, Chrono!

About people pleasers. I get that. And that's exactly why I don't trust them. They have no self esteem and no spine. So, IMO, that means that they do not have enough WHATEVER you want to call it (confidence, character, etc.) to stick to their convictions when push comes to shove. I do not trust people like that. And no, I don't care WHAT the reason is for how they are.

You can tell when people are being fake nice, most of the time. And no, sometimes prior knowledge is not needed. You feel it in your gut.

Reminds me of one of my personal sayings, "Weak people will hurt you more than bad people ever will." I have been let down by a very weak, wishy-washy friend due to a lack of backbone on her part. My term is "weak" but perhaps we are talking about the same thing.

 

[Gypsy]

But how can you tell if someone is being fake-nice? Wouldn't you only know if you had prior knowledge of them?

About people-pleasers also, I just want to say that sometimes people do that because they don't have the self-confidence to be who they really are, or to be themselves. Some people really do suffer from a crippling lack of confidence and/or shyness that prevents them from being authentic in front of people they don't know very well. Just wanted to put that out there!

ETA: Posting at the same time, Chrono!

About people pleasers. I get that. And that's exactly why I don't trust them. They have no self esteem and no spine. So, IMO, that means that they do not have enough WHATEVER you want to call it (confidence, character, etc.) to stick to their convictions when push comes to shove. I do not trust people like that. And no, I don't care WHAT the reason is for how they are.

You can tell when people are being fake nice, most of the time. And no, sometimes prior knowledge is not needed. You feel it in your gut.

Reminds me of one of my personal sayings, "Weak people will hurt you more than bad people ever will." I have been let down by a very weak, wishy-washy friend due to a lack of backbone on her part. My term is "weak" but perhaps we are talking about the same thing.

Sounds like it.

 

[House Cat]

Traits I strongly like: loyalty, honesty, the ability to be honest with one's self, authenticity, genuine integrity

Traits I strongly dislike: dishonesty of any kind. Manipulation. Lack of empathy. Playing the victim. Denial of the self. Using others for personal gain. Being overly critical.



I have a family member who pretends to be the nicest person you ever met. Underneath it all, she is a seething pot of rage. She is a people pleaser to a fault and that is why she is so angry, among other things. Standing next to her is painful for me because she will smile and say nice things to people and then low-whisper angry things into my ear. Very toxic behavior. I duck and run from her now to preserve myself.