Tacori E-ring
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Without a doubt my biggest fear is outliving my child.
What is your darkest thought and/or biggest fear?
- Thread starter missy
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Scandinavian|1455955218|3993209 said:
Thank you for the kind post, I really do appreciate it. Really it makes so much sense to talk to him about it. Kind of didn't occur to me to consider that. So thank you.
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Scandinavian|1455955218|3993209 said:
Thank you for the kind post, I really do appreciate it. Really it makes so much sense to talk to him about it. Kind of didn't occur to me to consider that. So thank you.
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Jambalaya, thank you for sharing and I got teary eyed reading what you wrote. I am so sorry for all your losses. And I hope none of your other fears come to fruition. Being alone in the world is isolating and terrifying and I hope you always have people you love who love you and who are there for you.
You have gone through too much already. (((Hugs))).
momhappy , I'm hoping none of your fears are ever realized and this issue is not something you have to deal with in your or your children's lifetime. Cancer and death are scary and I have had dark thoughts about this too.
Tacori and LLJsmom, hoping you guys never have to deal with such a tragic loss.
AprilBaby, sending you good thoughts and healthy vibes and hoping this never happens to you.
Rainwood, What you have gone through is the most challenging and painful thing a person can go through IMO and the fact that you are doing well is a testament to the strong and brave woman that you are. I know I have said it before but you and your dh shared so many wonderful decades together and you were a great team and I know how much you loved each other. I am so sorry he is gone. Biggest (((hugs))) and much love to you and sweet Nina.
Alzheimer's is a horrible disease I agree. Greg's father died of this and it was awful. I sometimes lay awake at night thinking of life and death and how brutal it can all be and then of course I try to think of better things but it can be challenging to move away from the darkest thoughts especially in the middle of the night.
I hope Alzheimer's is something you never have to deal with and remains a very distant concern. (((Hugs))).
I am sending good thoughts and positive vibes to all PSers who are dealing with either dark thoughts, big worries and/or challenging times. Life can be and often is tough and thank you for sharing some of your innermost thoughts and feelings with us here. (((Hugs))).
You have gone through too much already. (((Hugs))).
momhappy , I'm hoping none of your fears are ever realized and this issue is not something you have to deal with in your or your children's lifetime. Cancer and death are scary and I have had dark thoughts about this too.
Tacori and LLJsmom, hoping you guys never have to deal with such a tragic loss.
AprilBaby, sending you good thoughts and healthy vibes and hoping this never happens to you.
Rainwood, What you have gone through is the most challenging and painful thing a person can go through IMO and the fact that you are doing well is a testament to the strong and brave woman that you are. I know I have said it before but you and your dh shared so many wonderful decades together and you were a great team and I know how much you loved each other. I am so sorry he is gone. Biggest (((hugs))) and much love to you and sweet Nina.
Alzheimer's is a horrible disease I agree. Greg's father died of this and it was awful. I sometimes lay awake at night thinking of life and death and how brutal it can all be and then of course I try to think of better things but it can be challenging to move away from the darkest thoughts especially in the middle of the night.
I hope Alzheimer's is something you never have to deal with and remains a very distant concern. (((Hugs))).
I am sending good thoughts and positive vibes to all PSers who are dealing with either dark thoughts, big worries and/or challenging times. Life can be and often is tough and thank you for sharing some of your innermost thoughts and feelings with us here. (((Hugs))).
Rockinruby
Ideal_Rock
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My heart goes out to everyone who has shared their fears in this thread. I hope none of your fears ever happen. I do feel better when I see that PS members really care when you are going through things.
I always feel so overwhelmed with my worries and fears at times. I think the one thing I am terrified of more than anything is losing my DH. We met on a blind date and have seen each other every day since we met. (Literally) I think I can handle other losses and health issues that run in my family with him by my side, but I dread having to face life without him. He's a really good person and inspires me to be better in so many ways.
I always feel so overwhelmed with my worries and fears at times. I think the one thing I am terrified of more than anything is losing my DH. We met on a blind date and have seen each other every day since we met. (Literally) I think I can handle other losses and health issues that run in my family with him by my side, but I dread having to face life without him. He's a really good person and inspires me to be better in so many ways.
Thanks for what you wrote above, Missy. That's very sweet. In the past when I went on cruises I met lots of people who were very much older and had come through the worst of it (deaths of spouses, family, maybe their own illnesses) to dance and have fun on a cruise ship, so I must remember that all this happens to many people and they do seem to come to terms with it eventually. I remember one woman who must have been ninety-plus, and she was wearing this old-fashioned outfit of a long black velvet skirt with a high-necked white lace blouse....but she had a balloon tied to the collar at the back and was dancing away! When you see someone that great age, you just know that she must have suffered bereavements etc. but there she was, dancing with a balloon.
I have learned many things from my experiences, and I'd like to share one thing that might be helpful to others who have fears about loved ones dying. It's something which is very counter-intuitive, and if someone had said this to me, I wouldn't have taken any notice. So, I thought I could prepare for a loved one's death. I read all about grief, and anticipatory grief, and I read all around the topic. I thought it would surely stand me in good stead when the time came. Makes sense, doesn't it?
No. All that prep was a complete, utter waste of time. Not one single article or book that I read prepared me in the slightest for what it's really like to lose people who are truly beloved to you. And I read about 12 books on grief, plus countless hours of research online. All of it was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. In my view, not one single book or article came close to telling the truth, and it's perhaps pointless to try because you really do inhabit a different world afterward, one which you can't imagine while your loved one is still alive.
So what's the answer? Looking back, during various terminal illnesses in my loved ones and more sudden deaths like the DVT, I wish I had forgotten that death exists, as far as I could. The best defense against death, in my view, is to live and love and have fun with your friends and loved ones as if we all live forever. I wish I had enjoyed each day with my mother even during her illness, instead of spending much of it paralyzed by fear and anticipatory grief. Trying to prep yourself for grief doesn't work and simply gives death the power to take away the joy while loved ones are still here. But it makes so much sense to prepare, in theory. Not preparing is very counter-intuitive, I know.
It's interesting how many of us have fears about death and bereavement, etc. A book that's quite good on this topic is called something like "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." I think I read about it on Pricescope at some point. The basic premise is having faith in your ability to cope. That if the worst happened, you could deal with it. This rings true, because I once spoke with someone who seemed to be very grounded and sane, and I asked him how he came to be that way. He said he didn't worry about the things we have all been talking about in this thread, because he figured he would deal with those things as and when they happened.
I think it's also important to remember that if these things do happen, you don't have to go through them all alone. There are countless methods of support for people who are sick, and also many services for those who are bereaved. And also, whatever happens, time does dull the edges. Perhaps I sounded a bit down in my reply to this thread's question, but there has definitely been a slow but deliberate curve upward when I think about the state I was in 2-3 years ago. I'm not there yet, and it's a long process, but I think things can only get better from now. I hope to be like that old woman on the cruise ship with a balloon tied to her blouse!
Another thing the last few years has taught me is to live in the present. OK, so there's all this heavy life-and-death stuff going on, and the fact that my loved ones aren't here anymore can still make me gasp when I really think about the fact that they are gone and not just on a long vacation. But equally I can go to my local jeweler and browse, completely in the moment, and feel very happy. Same with watching a good TV show, or having a bubble bath. Living through some of your nightmares and coming out the other side does take away some of the constant worrying - maybe because it makes you see how pointless all that worrying was that you did in the past. Worrying didn't stave it off or prepare me, and now I wish I'd enjoyed life more when I was in a phase before all this stuff came along.
Sorry that this is a bit long; it's just my thoughts for the day on the topic at hand, based on the responses here. If my own experiences can help others at all, that's a good thing.
I have learned many things from my experiences, and I'd like to share one thing that might be helpful to others who have fears about loved ones dying. It's something which is very counter-intuitive, and if someone had said this to me, I wouldn't have taken any notice. So, I thought I could prepare for a loved one's death. I read all about grief, and anticipatory grief, and I read all around the topic. I thought it would surely stand me in good stead when the time came. Makes sense, doesn't it?
No. All that prep was a complete, utter waste of time. Not one single article or book that I read prepared me in the slightest for what it's really like to lose people who are truly beloved to you. And I read about 12 books on grief, plus countless hours of research online. All of it was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. In my view, not one single book or article came close to telling the truth, and it's perhaps pointless to try because you really do inhabit a different world afterward, one which you can't imagine while your loved one is still alive.
So what's the answer? Looking back, during various terminal illnesses in my loved ones and more sudden deaths like the DVT, I wish I had forgotten that death exists, as far as I could. The best defense against death, in my view, is to live and love and have fun with your friends and loved ones as if we all live forever. I wish I had enjoyed each day with my mother even during her illness, instead of spending much of it paralyzed by fear and anticipatory grief. Trying to prep yourself for grief doesn't work and simply gives death the power to take away the joy while loved ones are still here. But it makes so much sense to prepare, in theory. Not preparing is very counter-intuitive, I know.
It's interesting how many of us have fears about death and bereavement, etc. A book that's quite good on this topic is called something like "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." I think I read about it on Pricescope at some point. The basic premise is having faith in your ability to cope. That if the worst happened, you could deal with it. This rings true, because I once spoke with someone who seemed to be very grounded and sane, and I asked him how he came to be that way. He said he didn't worry about the things we have all been talking about in this thread, because he figured he would deal with those things as and when they happened.
I think it's also important to remember that if these things do happen, you don't have to go through them all alone. There are countless methods of support for people who are sick, and also many services for those who are bereaved. And also, whatever happens, time does dull the edges. Perhaps I sounded a bit down in my reply to this thread's question, but there has definitely been a slow but deliberate curve upward when I think about the state I was in 2-3 years ago. I'm not there yet, and it's a long process, but I think things can only get better from now. I hope to be like that old woman on the cruise ship with a balloon tied to her blouse!
Another thing the last few years has taught me is to live in the present. OK, so there's all this heavy life-and-death stuff going on, and the fact that my loved ones aren't here anymore can still make me gasp when I really think about the fact that they are gone and not just on a long vacation. But equally I can go to my local jeweler and browse, completely in the moment, and feel very happy. Same with watching a good TV show, or having a bubble bath. Living through some of your nightmares and coming out the other side does take away some of the constant worrying - maybe because it makes you see how pointless all that worrying was that you did in the past. Worrying didn't stave it off or prepare me, and now I wish I'd enjoyed life more when I was in a phase before all this stuff came along.
Sorry that this is a bit long; it's just my thoughts for the day on the topic at hand, based on the responses here. If my own experiences can help others at all, that's a good thing.
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There's a number of things and I can't pick one over the other, so in no particular order:
- Fear of dying at sea in a storm. I've come extremely close a couple of times and want absolutely zero part of that
- Fear of passing before my time, while I don't have children and I am sure my family would move on without me it is something I don't want.
- Failure; it's something I have been trying to overcome as it's stopping me from making big decisions in my life with any kind of confidence, it's kinda hard when failures from years ago are still affecting me mentally and financially to this day.
-Losing a finger/hand/something where I can't play bass guitar anymore.
- Fear of dying at sea in a storm. I've come extremely close a couple of times and want absolutely zero part of that
- Fear of passing before my time, while I don't have children and I am sure my family would move on without me it is something I don't want.
- Failure; it's something I have been trying to overcome as it's stopping me from making big decisions in my life with any kind of confidence, it's kinda hard when failures from years ago are still affecting me mentally and financially to this day.
-Losing a finger/hand/something where I can't play bass guitar anymore.
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1) Fear of my 8 year old son dying
2) I have dreams of being in a shopping centre when two terrorists walk in with guns and start shooting shoppers and shop owners
3) North Korea starts a war my side of the world
4) Dying in a plane crash, or I am left and my family dies in a plane crash
2) I have dreams of being in a shopping centre when two terrorists walk in with guns and start shooting shoppers and shop owners
3) North Korea starts a war my side of the world
4) Dying in a plane crash, or I am left and my family dies in a plane crash
Gypsy
Super_Ideal_Rock
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It's interesting. I've seen this thread topic while it's been up and every time I think "Hmm... interesting." Followed by "Squirrel". My ADD kicks in. Almost like my brain doesn't want to think about this question.
So, I'm going trying to force it to.
Being an addict is my darkest thought/biggest fear is substance abuse addiction.
I have RA and have had illnesses where I've been prescribed a lot of addictive medication.
My dad's an alcoholic.
I'm a control freak so that represents a total loss of control to me. And it horrifies me. And I admittedly can be very unforgiving and judgmental about addiction or toward addicts.
It's a flaw I'm working on.
So, I'm going trying to force it to.
Being an addict is my darkest thought/biggest fear is substance abuse addiction.
I have RA and have had illnesses where I've been prescribed a lot of addictive medication.
My dad's an alcoholic.
I'm a control freak so that represents a total loss of control to me. And it horrifies me. And I admittedly can be very unforgiving and judgmental about addiction or toward addicts.
It's a flaw I'm working on.
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Rockinruby, things like this always highlight to me how similar we really all are. No matter how different superficially what makes us human makes us similar. Fear of losing loved ones is right up there. Thank you for sharing.
Jordy, I know you can overcome your fear of failure. I can just tell you have what it takes to make it and make it big. Wishing you lots of professional and personal success too. And yeah dying in a storm at sea is definitely something to avoid.
Jambalaya, thanks for sharing your hard earned wisdom with us. You really cannot prepare emotionally for losing a loved one(s) and having the support of others who get what you are going through can be a lifesaver. And yes the all important living in the moment always applies even when the moment is sort of crappy. I always look at it like this. The crappy time will pass and better times are on their way.
arkieb, hoping none of those come true and those are all scary thoughts and I guess with the way the world is today we are going to have thoughts (i.e. terrorism, war) like that. And fear of flying/dying in a plane crash is something I share with you and others. In fact I have not flown for over 11 years now and am not looking forward to the time I will have no choice and have to fly again. I know it is an irrational fear but it is a fear all the same. And it sure doesn't feel that irrational to me!
Kenny, that would be terrifying especially for others if it happened to me. No one wants to see that. 
I always prefer the stairs anyway but sometimes you just have to take the elevator. Especially where we live. Lots of high rises. Though if took the stairs up all those flights every day I would be in awesome shape. And then if I was naked in the elevator no one would be scared. Hahaha.
Gypsy, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I can relate. I also am a control freak to some degree and that ties into my fear of flying and not doing it. I cannot control who is flying the plane, how well the maintenance crew did their check of the aircraft, in what shape is the aircraft, how well did security do their screening, etc etc etc. You get the picture. And I am sorry you are dealing with RA. My mom has that and I know what a beast it can be. (((HUGS))).
Jordy, I know you can overcome your fear of failure. I can just tell you have what it takes to make it and make it big. Wishing you lots of professional and personal success too. And yeah dying in a storm at sea is definitely something to avoid.
Jambalaya, thanks for sharing your hard earned wisdom with us. You really cannot prepare emotionally for losing a loved one(s) and having the support of others who get what you are going through can be a lifesaver. And yes the all important living in the moment always applies even when the moment is sort of crappy. I always look at it like this. The crappy time will pass and better times are on their way.
arkieb, hoping none of those come true and those are all scary thoughts and I guess with the way the world is today we are going to have thoughts (i.e. terrorism, war) like that. And fear of flying/dying in a plane crash is something I share with you and others. In fact I have not flown for over 11 years now and am not looking forward to the time I will have no choice and have to fly again. I know it is an irrational fear but it is a fear all the same. And it sure doesn't feel that irrational to me!
Kenny, that would be terrifying especially for others if it happened to me. No one wants to see that.
I always prefer the stairs anyway but sometimes you just have to take the elevator. Especially where we live. Lots of high rises. Though if took the stairs up all those flights every day I would be in awesome shape. And then if I was naked in the elevator no one would be scared. Hahaha.
Gypsy, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I can relate. I also am a control freak to some degree and that ties into my fear of flying and not doing it. I cannot control who is flying the plane, how well the maintenance crew did their check of the aircraft, in what shape is the aircraft, how well did security do their screening, etc etc etc. You get the picture. And I am sorry you are dealing with RA. My mom has that and I know what a beast it can be. (((HUGS))).
Cherokee1979
Shiny_Rock
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God forbid, for anything bad to happen to my 3-year old. I love that boy beyond life itself and would happily die for him. I hope to die WELL before him. I also fear the loss of my parents or any of my "people." I do not do well with loss, and could see myself falling apart into a downward spiral of self-destruction. I am nothing without my people.
EvangelineG
Brilliant_Rock
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Gypsy|1456126889|3993898 said:
Yup, same thing exactly.
I think everyone who has shared is brave.
I have GAD and PTSD, and am anxious about so many things it's hard to pin down...or maybe that's just my brain not wanting to really think about it again? A few years ago one of my biggest fears did occur, and I am still working on putting the pieces back together after the loss. I have learned that I can get through anything, and that the "worst" will and does happen. It's happening to someone out there right now, and I try to remember that I never really know someone else's story.
My biggest fear would be my children suffering horribly and/or losing them. I also fear the loss of my own abilities prematurely through something like Alzheimers- I'm the one responsible as primary caregiver for several people, and it is scary to think of not being here. Extreme poverty frightens me- homelessness is terrifying to me.
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Jambalya,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your post helped me more than I can express and for that I am extremely grateful.
Callie
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your post helped me more than I can express and for that I am extremely grateful.
Callie
Gypsy
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Thanks Missy. The RA is what it is. I have a family history of a lot of stuff. Something was inevitable. I do fear addiction though. Greatly. But I have to learn to be more empathetic about it.
Evangeline-- it's odd isn't it, how our brains distract us off things we don't want to deal with.
Evangeline-- it's odd isn't it, how our brains distract us off things we don't want to deal with.
imitcan
Shiny_Rock
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My darkest fears almost always have to do with the well-being of those I love, especially my children.
My grandmother was widowed at 32, with 5 children in 1942 Europe. Her youngest was 6 months old, her oldest 10. Imagine. She lived until she was 94 and ALWAYS said that getting over the death of a spouse is hard and almost impossible, but doable. (She never remarried, by the way.) Yet she feared something happening to her 5 kids even more. She vowed she would never recover if anything ever happened to them. Thankfully they are all still fine, and I hope she is at peace and at rest, never having experienced what I believe to be, an unimaginable horror.
I don't think I had big fears before I became a spouse and a mom.
My grandmother was widowed at 32, with 5 children in 1942 Europe. Her youngest was 6 months old, her oldest 10. Imagine. She lived until she was 94 and ALWAYS said that getting over the death of a spouse is hard and almost impossible, but doable. (She never remarried, by the way.) Yet she feared something happening to her 5 kids even more. She vowed she would never recover if anything ever happened to them. Thankfully they are all still fine, and I hope she is at peace and at rest, never having experienced what I believe to be, an unimaginable horror.
I don't think I had big fears before I became a spouse and a mom.
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yes biggest fear is death or something horrible happening to my two children (death/mental illness, something traumatic) 2nd is the same for my husband. I've had to face some bad fears with my immediate family, many which have come true 
. Darkest thoughts often have to do with environmentally what are we doing to this planet and what my kids and their descendants will inherit.
If you want to read a graphic novel that goes through the fullest spectrum of emotions, read "Rosalie Lightning" It is sad but also cathartic and beautiful in a way that is hard to explain.
. Darkest thoughts often have to do with environmentally what are we doing to this planet and what my kids and their descendants will inherit.If you want to read a graphic novel that goes through the fullest spectrum of emotions, read "Rosalie Lightning" It is sad but also cathartic and beautiful in a way that is hard to explain.
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Now that would be very fearful!..kenny|1456100528|3993803 said:
Queenie60|1455943424|3993196 said:
This. I feel in my heart it will come back, I just hope it's much later rather than sooner. I have so much more yet to do.
Other than dying young, losing my beloved husband. He rides a bicycle a lot, in heavy traffic through the city. I know statistically it's not the most dangerous thing you can do, but people are killed this way on a fairly regular basis. I can't relax when I know he is out on the bike and it's almost like I'm holding my breath until I get that text message that he's arrived safely. He loves to ride and I would never even contemplate asking him not to. But I hate it, I really do. I even hestitate to put that into words for fear of tempting fate.
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cancer....I am terrified of it.
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My biggest fear/darkest thought is also loss - particularly my parents. They are only in their 70's and are perfectly healthy but i just adore them and cannot imagine my life without them. I fear sudden onset of cancer or dementia etc... 
The other greatest fear is my husband being deployed again and not coming back... Fortunately it seems unlikely at this stage!
The other greatest fear is my husband being deployed again and not coming back... Fortunately it seems unlikely at this stage!
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