Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

What is your darkest thought and/or biggest fear?

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
34,888
I have been wanting to start this thread for a while now but wasn't sure it would be received well. But then I realized OK no one has to respond so if they don't like the question so no big deal.

For me my darkest thought is my biggest fear and that is why I grouped it together in this question. Very interested to see what others biggest fear/darkest thoughts are and I hope some people will share them here.
 

december-fire

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 3, 2013
Messages
2,346
Ugg. Was about to respond when the phone rang; company on the way over.

I don't know how to just cancel this, so here's a post that says nothing!

Sorry, Missy.

This question, like your others, is very interesting.

I'll be back! :wavey:
 

cflutist

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 12, 2004
Messages
3,908
My biggest fear is outliving my DH, I want to die before him because I don't like being alone.

Now don't laugh but I had a very dark thought last March. After I was diagnosed with a brain tumor on January 31st, I spent all of February researching everything I could about craniotomies. I knew that neurosurgeons clamp the patient's head in a Mayfield clamp (has 3 sharp pins that penetrate down to the skull) under 60 pounds of pressure so that your head is immobilized when they are drilling the burr holes and sawing the bone flap. Well, my surgery was in Redwood City (San Francisco Bay Area) and we have earthquakes around here that can occur at any time. I kept thinking what would happen to me if that happened. Would I have a broken neck? Would they stop the operation midstream with a hole in my skull and my brain exposed? Yes, kind of morbid but I couldn't get those thoughts out of my head. :confused:
 

Polished

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 28, 2012
Messages
1,081
My darkest thought probably has to do with health. I never gave health a second thought until menopause when I went through some frightening health experiences. I work hard on maintaining my health now and enjoy doing so. My biggest fear, which I work on to control, is losing a loved one. Last year my son was subjected to one of those one hit punches that randomly seems to happen over here. He suffered a broken jaw that was painful to correct. We were lucky it wasn't worse. Now he's just returned from a motorbike holiday in Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos. Had a wonderful time but he came home with a damaged foot from a motorbike accident. Fortunately nothing broken but we're treating infections - he didn't get medical help over there and it happened a week ago. Anyway back to the point, I guess it just reminds you of the fragility of life and how attached we are to others. But also how we need to manage our fears so we can enjoy full lives.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,453
Our doggies are 10 years old.
They won't live forever.

When they pass I'll be crushed but my SO will be devastated.
What I anticipate his mental state will be is my darkest thought and biggest fear.
Dogs have never been more important to a person than these two are to my SO.

Worse, if one dog passes before the other (of course a near-certainty) her sister will be lost and looking for her all over the house.
Since birth they've never been separated.
I'll have two lost souls to comfort.

Aw shit; there's something in my eyes.

screen_shot_2016-02-19_at_1.png
 

msop04

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Messages
9,795
kenny|1455917566|3993043 said:
Our doggies are 10 years old.
They won't live forever.

When they pass I'll be crushed but my SO will be devastated.
What I anticipate his mental state will be is my darkest thought and biggest fear.
Dogs have never been more important to a person than these two are to my SO.

Worse, if one dog passes before the other (of course a near-certainty) her sister will be lost and looking her all over the house.
Since birth they've never been separated.
I'll have two lost souls to comfort.

Aw shit; there's something in my eyes.
What precious puppies!!! 8)
 

Bayek

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
6,941
One of my son's dying. No doubt, nothing close to that.. Dark, deep, scare, FEAR. I would go 100X++ for my sons.
 

packrat

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
10,615
Something happening to my kids. I don't know how parents who lose a child can function. And it wouldn't have to be a sickness either. Kids go missing every day. What if I didn't even know what happened or where they were? Or what if someone did something to my kids? I just don't know how a person could even begin to continue after that.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
20,716
Tekate|1455918479|3993049 said:
One of my son's dying. No doubt, nothing close to that.. Dark, deep, scare, FEAR. I would go 100X++ for my sons.

Yes. This.
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
6,205
Biggest fear is losing my memory to the point that I have to rely on others to take care of me. I've been having significant problems with my memory to the extent that I can't remember my sons' names. So that is a very pressing problem.

Darkest thought, I do not know how to be a mother to my almost nine year old son because my mother passed when I was eight and my father was so wrapped up in his alcoholism that I was left to fend for myself. So really I just don't know how to relate to him, I know that this should come naturally but it doesn't and I do the best I can but its not nearly good enough.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,453
I feel bad.

Concerns about kids far out ranks concerns about dogs.
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
6,205
kenny|1455924353|3993087 said:
I feel bad.

Concerns about kids far out ranks concerns about dogs.
Don't feel bad for how you feel. Everything is relative and if you are a pet parent they are your children so to speak.
 

Lady_Disdain

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Jul 25, 2008
Messages
3,988
No one has to feel bad about their fears and dark thoughts. It is very personal and reflects what we value and where we are. By saying that one fears losing a kid, they are not invalidating another person's fear of pain or of losing a cherished dog.

My own fears may be quite selfish. I fear not being enough, not being good enough, letting people down, not accomplishing.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,453
... just saying ... if I had human kids losing them would/should outrank fear of losing any dogs.
 

Bonfire

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Messages
3,233
My daughter got very sick about 10 years ago. She was in high school at the time. We were out of the country which made it worse.
She saw several doctors,one there and a few back home. They all mentioned the high likelyhood of Leukemia. Fear doesn't begin to describe my feelings. Thankfully her blood levels came back into range after several weeks. I've never been so scared.
She is now 26 and got married a year and a half ago. That was one of the BEST days of my life!
 

Amber St. Clare

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
1,628
That something ill happen to my son. I don't want to outlive my husband and deal with all his hoarded crap in addition to my grief. That I outlive my usefulness and become a drain on my husband/kid. Also, I haven't lived a spotless life and I am afraid of not measuring up at the Final Judgment.

That and Trump's possible election.

eta: Kenny-you furbabies are beyond precious.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
34,888
Interesting that many of us do share a smilier fear and dark thoughts that revolve around losing a loved one. That is my darkest thought and biggest fear too. That my dh will die before I die. That would be my worst nightmare. I know if I died first he would be just fine but if he went first I don't think I would want to continue living without him. Hoping we die together after at least 3 plus decades more of good health.

Losing a child I cannot even imagine and I totally get why that would be a parent's worse nightmare hands down. I read that losing a child is the most stressful and painful thing that could ever happen to a parent and I get that even though I don't have kids.

https://www.healthstatus.com/health_blog/depression-stress-anxiety/top-5-stressful-situations/

Kenny, I'm with the others in that there is no reason for you to feel badly about loving your sweet pups. And they are just precious. I wish I could give them big fat kisses. So adorable. :love: Our fur babies *are* our kids and our part of our family. And feeling that way doesn't make anyone else's loss less or more significant.

Each loss is personal to the individual. A good friend of mine who is a psychologist told me I should never feel badly for feeling the way I do when things happen in my life just because other more awful things happen to others. When it is happening to you it is your reality. Something like that. Having said that of course if we had human kids the loss cannot be compared but we don't so for us they are our kids.

I see Lady Disdain said it quite well. Thank you Lady Disdain and I agree completely.

Stephanie, I replied to you in another thread but I just want to say again how sorry I am that you are dealing with this and I hope you recover more of your memory as time goes on. I am sure you are under the care of a good neurologist and I hope they can help you.

Polished, how awful that your son went through that and thank goodness he is OK and I hope his foot infection heals well and quickly and fully. And I agree with what you wrote about health and the fragility of life and our strong and important connection with others. We just never know what can happen and what is just around the corner. And I also agree we need to manage those fears in order to fully live and enjoy our life and sharing our lives with others.

Bonfire, I am so glad your DD is A-OK and happy and healthy and doing well!

Cheryl, we share the same dark fear. And I would have thought the same thing if I was undergoing surgery in an earthquake prone area. Our minds think in a similar fashion I see. Morbid thoughts are not uncommon for me unfortunately. I like to think of it as me being edgy but sometimes I just think I can be morbid. :lol: Well at least our sense of humor is intact through most everything right?

LOL Amber, yes that would be pretty high up there on the :errrr: :errrr: :errrr: meter if Trump won the election. If that happens I am moving to Canada. Sharon, I hope you don't mind. :halo:

To all the moms out there, Sharon, packrat, Tekate, Amber St Clare, thank you for sharing and (((hugs))).
Here's hoping our worst nightmares never ever come true.

Oh and December Fire yoo-hoo, would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please come back. :bigsmile: :wavey:
 

Queenie60

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
4,415
kenny|1455924353|3993087 said:
I feel bad.

Concerns about kids far out ranks concerns about dogs.
Never feel bad - I have both and must admit that there are times when I like my dogs better than my children. I understand the love for dogs. I understand the love for animals.
 

Queenie60

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
4,415
My biggest fear is that my cancer will return. I don't want to die of cancer - I want to live to a ripe old age to see my children marry and have children of their own.
 

OreoRosies86

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
3,149
Loss in general terrifies me.
 

Scandinavian

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,047
StephanieLynn|1455924065|3993086 said:
Biggest fear is losing my memory to the point that I have to rely on others to take care of me. I've been having significant problems with my memory to the extent that I can't remember my sons' names. So that is a very pressing problem.

Darkest thought, I do not know how to be a mother to my almost nine year old son because my mother passed when I was eight and my father was so wrapped up in his alcoholism that I was left to fend for myself. So really I just don't know how to relate to him, I know that this should come naturally but it doesn't and I do the best I can but its not nearly good enough.
Hugs!!! Hoping for the very best for your health! Regarding your son - if I may make a suggestion - talk to him. Tell him that you love him and that sometimes you feel that it is difficult to know how to be the best mother possible, and ask him about his thoughts and what he needs and wants from you. Probably just your love and a bit of your time. Sending you all the positive vibes in the world!
 

Bayek

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
6,941
kenny|1455925855|3993112 said:
... just saying ... if I had human kids losing them would/should outrank fear of losing any dogs.
Probably, but my 13 year old dog died in August of 2013, it was horrible.. my older son and I will never get over it.. I think family is family, love is love... my dog now (finally was able to get one after 2 years) is 9 years old, a black, all american (code word for we have no clue what she is)... no one wants black dogs, old dogs are not as desired, this dog is wonderful, still needs training but I love her... she brings my husband and I such joy... she completes our little family.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
34,888
Queenie60|1455943424|3993196 said:
My biggest fear is that my cancer will return. I don't want to die of cancer - I want to live to a ripe old age to see my children marry and have children of their own.

Queenie, sending you lots of good wishes and healing vibes. I wish that for you too. To live to a ripe old age amongst your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I have both and must admit that there are times when I like my dogs better than my children. I understand the love for dogs. I understand the love for animals.
And haha yes often I prefer the company of my kitties and other animals to people in general.


Elliot86 said:
Loss in general terrifies me.
Me too and I think this is a common fear. Losing someone we love is the worst thing that can really happen IMO.


Tekate said:
kenny|1455925855|3993112 said:
... just saying ... if I had human kids losing them would/should outrank fear of losing any dogs.
Probably, but my 13 year old dog died in August of 2013, it was horrible.. my older son and I will never get over it.. I think family is family, love is love... my dog now (finally was able to get one after 2 years) is 9 years old, a black, all american (code word for we have no clue what she is)... no one wants black dogs, old dogs are not as desired, this dog is wonderful, still needs training but I love her... she brings my husband and I such joy... she completes our little family.
Kate, I am so sorry for your loss. Your dog was so lucky to have you and your family.
I am happy you have added this beautiful rescue to your family. I look at it as a way to honor the life your your believed dog who died the summer of 2013. Because of him and his love you saved another life. One that probably wouldn't have found a family at all let alone a wonderful family like yours. So glad you have more joy and love in your life! And thank you for saving this sweet dog.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
3,594
I used to fear my immediate family and best friend dying but now they're mostly dead anyway, and as bad as I imagined it would be, it was so much worse. Partly that was because it happened in quick succession. There were many months when I hardly got out of bed in a three-year period.

So now I have a new fear/dark thought: Being alone in the world. I am not lonely on a day-to-day basis, but I feel a deep, deep sense of being adrift. I do still have some extended family, but they're old. I'm young enough that the majority of people around me still have their families, friends, and spouses. I feel my situation is akin to someone in their eighties, where people have lived long enough to lose most of those close to them, but for whatever reason it's come early for me.

Apart from family, the amount of friends who have died is staggering. I'm talking about people in their thirties and forties, too, as I have friends from all age groups ranging from 28-90. Last summer a friend's wife died at 37 of breast cancer, another friend's wife also died at 37 of a rare sarcoma - heard about that at Christmas - another friend died suddenly in September at 47 of a DVT after a long flight, two of my friends have killed themselves before the age of 50, and I lost my best friend since the Sixties at the same time as my mother, shortly before my uncle and sister - you know, there's too many to remember at once. I had to write them all down and it came to 14 deaths in the last three years, for both family and friends.

And I can tell you one thing: Nobody, nobody, nobody understands. It's very isolating. A friend asked me what it's like to lose your mother as hers was not in good health and she seemed to really want to prepare herself. I told her that an excellent description of the way the world feels after your beloved mother has died is to read the part in Harry Potter about what's it like to be a victim of a Dementor. That's it, exactly. About all the colors disappearing and existing in this gray, toneless vacuum. I would add a sense that there's a pane of glass between you and the rest of the world. That description in the book is spot-on, and apparently Rowling based the Dementor's effects on the way she felt after her own mother died.

I think it's almost impossible for people who know bereavement to communicate with those who as-yet remain in blissful ignorance with all family and friends still alive.

I have not talked about the excruciating journey of watching cancer take someone down over an extended period. That's a whole other story. The long goodbye is so bittersweet that it changes you forever. And then there's the ever-present fear of the murderous cancer that runs in our family coming my way, too. I can see it on our family tree going back generations. I don't get tests because I'm too scared. I've lived with that fear so long it feels like a friendly dog trotting around at my heels. Then there's the fact that people behave in some very unexpected ways when you're bereaved, which compounds things, which is also a whole other story. These are my darkest thoughts. I know they're depressing, but you did ask.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
3,594
ETA: On the topic of pets, I can totally see how their loss would be as bad as a human loss. Animals are often so much nicer than people and they love us unconditionally, and serve as constant and faithful companions. I've often thought that the solution for me is to get myself a little dog. I've always loved the idea. I adore spaniels and any type of small white fluffy dog. But they are with us for such a short time - I'd be devastated when something happened to them.

Now, sorry for the minor threadjack, but did someone upthread just say that no one wants black dogs? Really?? Well, I never knew that. I thought they were in a desirable category of their own, like black horses - glossy and dramatic. I'm amazed, but now that I come to think about it, I don't actually see many black dogs around.

Poor black dogs! Now I feel sorry for them all.
 

december-fire

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 3, 2013
Messages
2,346
Its so sad reading these posts.

I wish I had the right words to offer comfort, strength and reassurance.

I hesitate to mention a few posters by name because my heart aches for everyone.

Kenny,
What a touching photo of your beautiful pups.
Its heartbreaking to lose a beloved pet.
I love animals and have had a wide variety of pets over my life.
As you said, not only do we have to deal with the loss of a pet, there is also the impact on others whom we wish to comfort.

StephanieLynn,
Memory loss as a mother to a young child must be devastating and terrifying.
I pray that the reality unfolds much better than you imagine and that your memory loss doesn't continue.
Please try to banish the guilt over your performance as a mother.
I suspect many people would agree that the arrival of a child comes along with a mandatory dose of guilt and worry.
When my children were young, I thought 'I'm not cut out for this! Put me in work situations; stress, difficult environmental situations, public speaking, whatever, and I'll deal with it. But being a Mom! What if I mess up!'
The fact that you worry about being a good Mom means that you are a good Mom. It shows that you care about your son.
Do the best you can with what you know at the time. Spend time with your son. Talk to him. Show him you love, value and respect him as an individual (ask him his opinion about things). Try to relax and enjoy the present. Don't let fear about the future ruin the joy of today.

Jambalaya,
I'm so sorry for the losses you've suffered.
It seems particularly difficult when there is one death after the next, and the loss of loved ones 'before their time'.
I went through a period like that. I became numb. When informed of my sister-in-law's cancer, I thought 'Oh, this is the next one we're going to lose.' (And, unfortunately, she did pass away.)

This may sound callous and unsympathetic, so my apologies.
I know the fear and heartbreak is very real and horrible.

However, every living creature and person will die at some point.
Horrible things and diseases have occurred throughout history, happen now and will continue to happen in the future.
Wishing that weren't the case doesn't change facts.
Grieving the loss of a beloved pet or loved one is normal.
But, with time, its best to try to move from the heartbreaking, painful and depressing perspective to one of being grateful for the joy, and feeling blessed for having known that loved one.
Try to live in the light created by their presence, rather than under the cloud created by their loss.
The time they were here is the time they were granted.
I don't believe in 'before their time'. When they passed was their time.
We just struggle with accepting that when someone passes before we think they 'should'.
I know that struggle; loss of two siblings (one at 7 weeks of age), deaths of children (not mine) between the ages of 3-12 yrs, etc.
Children 'shouldn't' die. But they do.

Its understandable that heartaches of the past and fear of the future can steal the joy from today.
But all we can do is try to learn from the past; we can't change the past.
And we can sometimes use fear of the future to take preventative actions; but we can't control or prevent all future events.
At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark greeting card, it really is best if we can try to appreciate joy and beauty when it exists.
There will be enough times in life that are stressful, devastating, fearful; don't seek them out and try to bring them into what would otherwise could be a wonderful, joyful day.

I wrote too much. And I'm afraid I might have come across as though I think people can just 'snap out of it'.
Please know that it took me a long time and effort to try to shift to a more positive outlook.

I definitely don't mean to minimize anyone's fear or devastation.

Hugs and comforting thoughts to each of you.
 

momhappy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
Messages
4,660
kenny|1455925855|3993112 said:
... just saying ... if I had human kids losing them would/should outrank fear of losing any dogs.
Yes, likely losing a human child would "outrank" the loss of a dog. However, it sounds like your dogs are your kids and it's okay to value them in that way. Before I had human kids, my dogs were my children and while the ranks may have changed a bit when the human kids came along, the dogs still have a VERY special place in our family. I will be devastated when I lose my dog children :blackeye: but, yes, I would be completely unable to function in any way, shape, or form if I lost one of my human kids....
Which brings me to my darkest thought/biggest fear - it is either the loss of a child or the loss of myself. I have this irrational fear that I'm going to die and then I won't be here to care for my kids. This fear is also tied in with another fear about cancer - I fear that I will be diagnosed with cancer and not know how to treat it because I have mixed feelings about "traditional" treatments (like chemo, etc.) and then I will die and not be here for my kids. Gulp. :errrr:
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
3,594
Momhappy, traditional treatments couldn't save my mother at the end.

However, before the end, traditional treatments gave her an extra 15 years of completely healthy life.

Used in the right way on the right patient, those treatments can be truly life-extending.
 

momhappy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
Messages
4,660
Jambalaya|1455995408|3993371 said:
Momhappy, traditional treatments couldn't save my mother at the end.

However, before the end, traditional treatments gave her an extra 15 years of completely healthy life.

Used in the right way on the right patient, those treatments can be truly life-extending.
I agree with you, but every situation is different and while I want to believe in traditional medicine (and the science behind it), I also question some of it (again, in some situations). My experience with a close family member with cancer was opposite (the chemo shortened their life, not extended it). Please keep in mind that I said that my fear was an "irrational" one and for good reason - I didn't say that there was any validity to my claims about cancer treatments, I just said that I was fearful of dying of cancer and the choices that I would be faced with in an effort to treat it.
 

Jambalaya

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 2, 2014
Messages
3,594
I understand, Momhappy.

Cancer is a very frightening thought and I think many of us share those fears as we get older, and perhaps see the effects of the illness close-up in a loved one.

i know the answer for some people is to live a super-healthy life but I don't want to do that. I mean, I actually do like to work out and cook healthy meals like salmon and veg, but I will never be a real demon about it such as doing daily dawn workouts and juicing - regimens are not for me. I think the only thing to do is get all the screening tests available and catch anything as super-early as possible. For women, I do believe that monthly self-checks are important. A large percentage of breast cancers are found this way, and breast cancer that appears between mammograms is so common that there's a name for it - interval cancer. So there are things you can do to offset the risks.

I know you said the fear was irrational, Momhappy, but try to remember that there are millions of people who have had cancer and got well again, living long healthy lives afterward. When I worry about something like that, I try to flip it to the opposite, you know? For example, I was worried that something bad would happen when my best friend got pregnant many years ago, but then I thought about all the millions of healthy mothers and babies that there are. I don't know if that helps.
 
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!
    Princess Diana: Timeless Jewelry Every Woman Should Own
    Princess Diana: Timeless Jewelry Every Woman Should Own
    Diamond Jewelry For 4th Of July Quarantine Celebrations
    Diamond Jewelry For 4th Of July Quarantine Celebrations
    Fancy Greyish Yellowish Green Diamond
    Fancy Greyish Yellowish Green Diamond

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top