What is your biggest incompatibility with your spouse/SO?

[LtlFirecracker]

I am semi neat, he is a slob. Although he has gotten better.

I like warm weather and he likes cold weather. The temp on the AC (when we have it) can be a point of disagreement for us.

I have an erratic schedule and irregular sleep pattern because of work. He is obsessive about his sleep schedule, and wants to sleep from 10pm to 6 am. While that is great, there can be some issues when I need to wake up at 5 am to go to work.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 4/20/2009 9:33:31 PM
Author: basil
I always want to be near the water and my husband doesn''t. I would love to have a house right on a beach somewhere, with a little dock and panoramic views. My husband thinks that this is dangerous and we''d be swept away by a hurricane. I miss the water so much since I moved to the midwest 3 years ago that I sometimes go on real estate websites and pick out a ''widow house'' - the house I would purchase if my husband died young

My parents and my extended family have a few adjoining houses on a beach on an island...they are old hunting cottages and not much in the way of modern conveniences, and the island is pretty rural. There are no restaurants, no grocery stores, no movie theaters, and the only access is by boat. The only business is a little combination post office/convenience store. I love it there...DH thinks that no one should want to be in a place without restaurants and XBoxes. He says there is nothing to do there and it''s boring, I say ''um, take a walk on the beach, garden, play with the dog, go for a bike ride, swim in the ocean, go sailing, dig clams, read a book, sit on the beach and drink a beer, go fishing, go on a picnic, go kayaking, pick blueberries and make a pie'' or seven thousand other things you can do with your time other than play video games or eat out

Mmmm BI--FI and I are going to have to take a trip out there this summer. We love it there!

 

[E B]

I'm a neat freak and he's...how do I put it nicely? A bit of a slob. I'd say 90 percent of our squabbles are due to this.

 

[basil]

Date: 4/20/2009 9:40:36 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 4/20/2009 9:33:31 PM

Author: basil

I always want to be near the water and my husband doesn''t. I would love to have a house right on a beach somewhere, with a little dock and panoramic views. My husband thinks that this is dangerous and we''d be swept away by a hurricane. I miss the water so much since I moved to the midwest 3 years ago that I sometimes go on real estate websites and pick out a ''widow house'' - the house I would purchase if my husband died young

My parents and my extended family have a few adjoining houses on a beach on an island...they are old hunting cottages and not much in the way of modern conveniences, and the island is pretty rural. There are no restaurants, no grocery stores, no movie theaters, and the only access is by boat. The only business is a little combination post office/convenience store. I love it there...DH thinks that no one should want to be in a place without restaurants and XBoxes. He says there is nothing to do there and it''s boring, I say ''um, take a walk on the beach, garden, play with the dog, go for a bike ride, swim in the ocean, go sailing, dig clams, read a book, sit on the beach and drink a beer, go fishing, go on a picnic, go kayaking, pick blueberries and make a pie'' or seven thousand other things you can do with your time other than play video games or eat out

Mmmm BI--FI and I are going to have to take a trip out there this summer. We love it there!

PI...but close!

 

[Elmorton]

We''re an "opposites attract" couple too - DH is very practical and methodical, and I like to fly by the seat of my pants and do whatever regardless of whether it''s a good idea or not. Usually, this works out really well - DH says his life is much more interesting and fulfilling with my "bad" influence, and I''ve become a lot more thoughtful, responsible, and disciplined. But, as you can imagine, interesting fights do break out every now and then.

I think the biggest issue is that DH is an "early or on time" person and I''m an "I''ll get there when I get there" - so leaving the house often causes major chaos.

 

[Kelli]

He wants me to cuddle all night, but he freakin SNORES all night! He''s also a little more laid back about scheduling stuff than I am. I like to know what''s going on, he likes to do things more spur of the moment.

 

[mrscushion]

FI is a complete night person -- gets a kick of energy at 11pm. I like to rise early and go to sleep early, but have had to adapt to his schedule.

 

[lulu]

I asked my husband. He said it''s my failure to understand that he''s always right. Actually he''s a pack-rat and I''m a neat freak. Once I was trying to donate stuff to goodwill including his yogurt maker. I said "you never make yogurt,I''ve never even seen you eat yogurt" He yelled "this is where I draw the line-I like the idea of yogurt." Of course, this is the same guy who told me during an argument "you''re not the same woman I married" about one week after we were married.

 

[choro72]

Date: 4/20/2009 11:15:33 PM
Author: lulu
I asked my husband. He said it''s my failure to understand that he''s always right. Actually he''s a pack-rat and I''m a neat freak. Once I was trying to donate stuff to goodwill including his yogurt maker. I said ''you never make yogurt,I''ve never even seen you eat yogurt'' He yelled ''this is where I draw the line-I like the idea of yogurt.'' Of course, this is the same guy who told me during an argument ''you''re not the same woman I married'' about one week after we were married.

Hahahahaha!! Too funny

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Ugh. I''m super-neat. He''s not. Let''s just say last summer when we were in different cities and he was living with a friend of ours (another guy) the dishes would pile up. Then grow mold. And let''s not talk about the fruit flies.......

 

[kcoursolle]

He snores/I can''t sleep...

 

[zhuzhu]

Taste in food.

I like ethnic and complex food like curry, sushi, Kantudon..etc, and he likes (rather, he only eats) simple and plain thing that he can name ingredients by looking at it (yuk). Our solution is simple. For the days I do not wish to cook 2 types of food, we have frozen chicken pop pie and/or pizza ready for him.

I must give him credit for being very good at going out to my kind of restaurants with me, he just orders something simple like chicken teryaki (boring!).

 

[trillionaire]

I love to eat, and he doesn''t love to cook.


this is a HUGE dilemma for me, bordering on being a dealbreaker. He should also bake. And feed me in bed. Daily.

 

[zoebartlett]

We handle things so differently, which often causes a lot of disagreements. My husband is extremely laid back and I worry about everything. We''re both very stubborn, which doesn''t bode well during an argument. This carries over into a lot of things for us, but the major ones are:

Cleaning: I have always done most of it, which irks me to no end, because there are TWO of us living here. My husband is still living the bachelor life in that regard.

Job searching: I''d handle it so differently if I was in his position. He''s not a networker, whereas I''d talk to anyone if it could help me land a position. It''s taken him 5 months of being unemployed to begin taking certification classes to further his education and experience with different software. If I was him, I''d have looked into taking classes MONTHS ago. I think he just needs a lot of time to process things. We may come to the same conclusion about something but it might take him months before he figures out the same thing (and act on it) that I do.

Obviously I love him or we wouldn''t be together, but we do things so differently and to be honest, it''s been very stressful.

 

[jcarlylew]

how we argue. i get right to the point where as E over analysis EVERYTHING. often i feel like he''s think of his next response rather than what i am saying. also, i get over things quickly, which he doesnt get. but hey, we can''t be perfect!!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 4/21/2009 6:27:43 AM
Author: trillionaire
I love to eat, and he doesn''t love to cook.


this is a HUGE dilemma for me, bordering on being a dealbreaker. He should also bake. And feed me in bed. Daily.

LOL! Trill, mine does this (although not daily), and it is FABULOUS!!! I''m so spoiled!

He''s a great cook, which is good, because I''m . . . well . . . not such a great cook!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 4/21/2009 6:39:11 AM
Author: ZoeBartlett
We handle things so differently, which often causes a lot of disagreements. My husband is extremely laid back and I worry about everything. We''re both very stubborn, which doesn''t bode well during an argument. This carries over into a lot of things for us, but the major ones are:

Cleaning: I have always done most of it, which irks me to no end, because there are TWO of us living here. My husband is still living the bachelor life in that regard.

Job searching: I''d handle it so differently if I was in his position. He''s not a networker, whereas I''d talk to anyone if it could help me land a position. It''s taken him 5 months of being unemployed to begin taking certification classes to further his education and experience with different software. If I was him, I''d have looked into taking classes MONTHS ago. I think he just needs a lot of time to process things. We may come to the same conclusion about something but it might take him months before he figures out the same thing (and act on it) that I do.

Obviously I love him or we wouldn''t be together, but we do things so differently and to be honest, it''s been very stressful.

Ohhhh, DITTO, Zoe!!! This drives me NUTS!

 

[Sabine]

FOOD! Dh and I don''t like to eat the same foods, and we also don''t even like to eat at the same time! It leads to us often making 2 separate dinners and eating at different times. I have to admit, it worries me for how our "family dinners" are going to go once our little one is old enough to eat real food!

 

[sba771]

Parents- how we see them or interact. I think a parent-child relationship should be x, he thinks it should be y. We are working on it though. Also he LOVES beer and it is a major passion. I hate drinking with a passion.

 

[bee*]

The fact that I''m always early and D is always late. It drives me mad and I''m sure me rushing him out the door to be early bugs him too. I panic when I''m late.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 4/20/2009 8:18:52 PM
Author: vespergirl
Me & DH are one of those ''opposites atract'' relationships, so I don''t know where to begin. Everyone tells us that we look like brother & sister, but that''s pretty much where the similarties end.

Still, most of our opposing traits are complimentary, but some are not. For instance, I''m an aggressive New Yorker, and he''s a genteel Virginia Gentelman. So, sometimes I want him to be more aggressive & decisive, while he''s all ''whatever you would like, dear.'' Then I''m all like, ''I want YOU to choose the restaurant for once!''

Overall, though, our dissimilarties work for us, because we only argue maybe twice a year.

Wow this sounds like us, LOL!

I''m assertive, he''s more passive.

BUT - the man worries about EVERYTHING. And I do mean EVERYTHING. It''s exhausting keeping up with what random inconsequential thing he has decided to worry to death.

 

[JulieN]

cuddling in bed when we sleep.

srsly, if I wanted to sleep without touching anyone, I would sleep in my own bed!

 

[Phoenix]

Oh, we have quite a few:

- I LOVE diamonds (no surprise there

) and he wishes i'd never discovered the joy of bing!

- I'm a planner, he not so much

- I'm a hygiene freak, he not so much!!

- I'm very neat and tidy, he'd love to have clothes, shoes, magazines, newspapers strewn all over the place!

- I hate clutter and would love nothing better than a house with lots of space and very little furniture, he likes our place to have a comfortable "lived-in" look.

Shall I go on?

(Luckily, we have tons more areas where we are compatible, otherwise we'd be at each other's throat everyday!

).

 

[dragonfly411]

SO hates books.... he was raised in a very non reading background. He also doesn''t like to write, and also doesn''t like more than just country music.

I on the other hand LOVE books, read daily, keep a large library, love to write and I love all music (save maybe Gospel).

We''re going back and forth on the idea of dedicating a room in our future house to a library for me hehe

 

[Bia]

He''s the only Attention Deficit case, and I am the complete opposite of that. It does make for some interesting conversations though.

He''s also much more flexible and forgiving, whereas I am rigid and can be very reluctant to forgive.

 

[Shoopy]

I''m a huge planner. I like to do things way in advance. He is the total opposite and can only plan dinner for the same evening. This is why there is a constant battle in our home because I think the nursery should have been done weeks ago whereas he''s thinking to get it done a week or so before her due date.

That''s also why I secretly kick him at night

 

[Porridge]

Oh jesus where do I start. We are POLAR opposites!! Ok, I''ll go for list form:

- I am the worlds worst judge of character. I pretty much like everyone and don''t see the point in getting annoyed by people - until months later when I finally realise they''re not so nice. He is a great judge of character. He just can''t understand why I waste time on some people. A good point.

- He keeps ledgers of everything we spend. He''s not tight or anything. He just knows what''s going where. I do not.

- I am a morning person. I wake up with a huge smile going WOO HOO I''M ALIVE LETS GO SURFING/SKYDIVING/ROAD-TRIPPING!!!! I calm down after a while. But FI is a grumpy bugger in the morning. Srsly, if there''s too many people around annoying him at the breakfast table he''ll put the cereal box in front of his face so they won''t talk to him!!! Then in the evening he could sit and chat all night...with me snoring away next to him.

- He snaps, flares up, then forgets it two minutes later. I am generally very placid, a slow burner, am nice to everyone and don''t snap. Or forget

We had problems with this for a while but have both come out the better for it.

- I am ridiculously impatient. I want everything done yesterday. I''m hopeless at surprises. FI could wait for eternity.

- I''m really good at remembering facts, but terrible at remembering events. Like what happened yesterday or who said what at so-and-so''s party. FI is the other way around. Together, we are elephant

Why am I with this man?? LOL...we''d need another thread for that

 

[onedrop]

I actually see a lot of our differences in many of you all''s posts. Very interesting! Here a few examples of our "incompatibility."

- DH is a "big idea" kind of person, and has no use for details. However I am the one asking for details about a situation. His big picture thing kinda drives me crazy sometimes and I know I drive him crazy with the details. Somehow we have come to learn that we balance each other out this way.

- I love sunlight!! As soon as I get up in the morning I am opening up the shades so that the light can shine in. DH will sit in near darkness sometimes. I am not sure if this is a character trait of his, or he''s just trying to save money.

- Cleaning. DH will do so only under duress. We each have a week to do dishes, which he readily complies with. But outside of that....nada. I am not a neat freak, but I do like to see things fairly orderly. DH will throw his bank statements and other mail in the corner and have that suffice as "cleaning." Sheesh!! He will actually help out when I ask, but he rarely takes the initiative to clean on his own.

 

[Feralpenchant]

My SO is LOGICAL to a FAULT. EVERY argument turns into a courtroom scenario with exhibit A, exhibit B, he pretty much cross examines me, I plead, and he gives me my judgment. Usually this judgment is that I'm overreacting, or I don't make sense, or his personal favorite.. "You don't have enough evidence to back up what you're saying". EVIDENCE? WHAT?

MY EVIDENCE is that I FEEL strongly about what I'm saying. I am a horrible debater. I get lost in words, I contradict myself on accident sometimes, just trying to make my way through his maze of wordplay. And when tis happens, he senses it and in he swoops to tell me I'm not making sense, which makes me feel crazy and confused. He MAKES me confuse myself! He is incredibly intelligent, and I am incredibly emotional, and our ways of arguing just don't make sense to one another.

This cycle usually ends with me feeling like an idiot and him feeling like he's won and that makes me even more mad! Lol, but we get over it eventually.

Long story short, he's logical, I'm emotional. Haha, sorry I dragged it out like that.

What's funny is, he's one of 5 boys, and all but one of these boys have girlfriends/wives, and I'm friends with all of them. And we all feel the same way about this, down to the minute details.

 

[Feralpenchant]

Date: 4/20/2009 8:30:24 PM
Author: musey

Date: 4/20/2009 8:28:34 PM

Author: gaby06

My hubby said that our biggest difference is that I always think is myself, and he always thing in me

, Maybe that''s why we are good together.

Pardon me?

I think this is just a case of crossed wires, but that sounded dirty!!

LOLwut?