What is the most challenging issue you are dealing with right now?

[Missy]

I dealing with my mom's spiral into dementia...it has been rough....she is still on her own but continues to decline

I'm so sorry diamondringlover. It's heartbreaking seeing your loved ones decline mentally or physically. She's lucky she has you in her life. Keeping you and your mom in my thoughts and sending good wishes both your way. (((Hugs))).

I had a knee replacement 4 years ago that still gives complications and now I need the other one done. I’m tired of the bad legs. Not getting any exercise.

Aprilbaby I'm sorry you're dealing with pain and that you're unable to be as active as you want. I'm sending healing vibes your way. Have you considered coming to HSS? I don't know where you had your first knee replacement done but I'm a huge fan of HSS and they have the top in orthopedic surgery here.

Missy,
Thank you for starting this, sometimes we just need to say what is on our mind or happening in our life and it helps.
For me, I found out my daughter and her friends have been vaping marijuana wax, about a year ago I found they were smoking it and we had a come to Jesus talk. She swore she wouldn't do it again. She swore she wouldn't lie to me anymore etc...... then I find this out. I know teens try this stuff but I suffer depression and anxiety (she does as well) and I am just so messed up about this. I don't want my daughter to become a drug addict.
I know it's probably not as dire as some of the other posts but it's really messing me up and I needed to tell someone

Autumngems you're very welcome. I know it helps me to talk it out in a safe environment and IMO this forum is a warm welcoming place to be when one is struggling with heavy issues. I'm thinking of you and your DD and sending you strength and hoping you can get through to your daughter. I can't even begin to imagine what you are dealing with but somehow I know you will be able to show her the way. (((Hugs))).

 

[Missy]

Really well said. Having been through something similar I can say that in times like this, you shoulder on. Friends say things like "You are such a fighter!" or "I admire your strength," but what's the option? To crumple and surrender? To go live in your bed and pull the covers up? Nope!

GK2 sending you so much healing energy and positive, loving dust.

Completely agree. What are the options? To keep going no matter the hell one is experiencing. Though some days it's ok to just pull the covers up over our heads and just allow the sorrow to wash over us. And that IMO makes us stronger to carry on and get up the next day with a renewed energy. And sharing and surrounding yourself with people who care. All that helps. To know one is not alone.

Hugs to everyone struggling right now. You're not alone.

 

[Missy]

Sandeek I'm so sorry about the loss of both your parents and in such a short time period. (((Hugs))).

GK2 thinking of you and sending more positive vibes and hugs your and your dh's way. (((Hugs))).

 

[House Cat]

I am still dealing with the emotional fallout from seeing the man who raped me 20 years ago. Actually, this is affecting my whole family...my sweet family.

There is nothing in my value system that aligns with this string of events. How does someone get to do something so ugly and life altering to someone else and then go on to live a normal life with beautiful children? Meanwhile, I am falling apart?

Movies always made it seem as though I was supposed to be the one with the happily ever after.

The trauma leaves me feeling completely unsafe and alone and flooded in flashbacks. My mind is hypervigilant and looks everywhere in my life for places where I might be unsafe. I become convinced that my kids don’t love me, my husband doesn’t love me, that he’s having an affair, that I will be all alone at any minute.

I’m doing a lot of therapy. My husband and I are doing a lot of couple’s therapy. I am so grateful that he is willing to put in the work to make me feel safe and loved.

I am not coping in the healthiest of ways. I shop, which keeps me from being alone. I eat out, which puts me out in a vibrant atmosphere. I try to enjoy every crumb of positivity in my life. Somehow I still get overwhelmed in darkness.

My therapist tells me that I am trying too hard to get well. That I need to allow the healing to come more naturally but I”m a control freak!!! I am learning to lean into the process of healing. I am learning to witness what this whole event is teaching me...almost like stepping back and watching it from the outside. The lessons are difficult ones. Life isn’t like the movies. Bad guys win often. A person can hurt for a lifetime but still go on and feel joy in spite of it. My family loves the shit out of me even when I’m not perfect.

 

[plad25]

My darling husband of 21 years was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in June this year - the diagnosis came out of nowhere.

He flew through the first cycle of chemo (velcade/thalidomide/dexamethozone) with no ill effects and was continuing to work

During the third cycle he started to lose feeling in his feet and lower legs - chemo was stopped and the hope was the effects would subside.

They got worse - he fell twice, once so badly in our bathroom he pulled the basin off the wall. He was admitted for his own safety and started a new course of chemo - eshap - which is 8 hours a day for four days hooked up.

He was sick as a dog and retained so much fluid he couldn’t move. He also had radiotherapy to try and relieve pressure on his spine and help his balance

He was discharged but fell again; he’s now back in hospital for his next chemo - he hates it and it was a struggle to get him in. Hospital forgot to prescribe gcsf injections so his blood count was too low to start. He is coming to the end of his second cycle but he needed an emergency blood transfusion as oxygen levels dropped yesterday.

We have another set of eshap before Christmas, then a stem cell harvest before he has a stem cell transplant in January/February next year

This won’t cure him, the cancer will come back and will kill him. He is 46, I’m 47 and our son is 20 and in his final year of university. My dh cannot walk unaided - our life has changed beyond all recognition.

How do I cope? I look at diamonds and jewellery on the internet and stare into the depths of the jewellery he has given me so centre myself! Sometimes it even works!

TL DR husband seriously ill, I look at sparkly things

@GK2 My thoughts are with you and your family as your go through this. My mother had multiple myeloma. Its amazing sometimes that we can manage to pull strength from seemingly nowhere to support the ones we love.

 

[Missy]

I am still dealing with the emotional fallout from seeing the man who raped me 20 years ago. Actually, this is affecting my whole family...my sweet family.

There is nothing in my value system that aligns with this string of events. How does someone get to do something so ugly and life altering to someone else and then go on to live a normal life with beautiful children? Meanwhile, I am falling apart?

Movies always made it seem as though I was supposed to be the one with the happily ever after.

The trauma leaves me feeling completely unsafe and alone and flooded in flashbacks. My mind is hypervigilant and looks everywhere in my life for places where I might be unsafe. I become convinced that my kids don’t love me, my husband doesn’t love me, that he’s having an affair, that I will be all alone at any minute.

I’m doing a lot of therapy. My husband and I are doing a lot of couple’s therapy. I am so grateful that he is willing to put in the work to make me feel safe and loved.

I am not coping in the healthiest of ways. I shop, which keeps me from being alone. I eat out, which puts me out in a vibrant atmosphere. I try to enjoy every crumb of positivity in my life. Somehow I still get overwhelmed in darkness.

My therapist tells me that I am trying too hard to get well. That I need to allow the healing to come more naturally but I”m a control freak!!! I am learning to lean into the process of healing. I am learning to witness what this whole event is teaching me...almost like stepping back and watching it from the outside. The lessons are difficult ones. Life isn’t like the movies. Bad guys win often. A person can hurt for a lifetime but still go on and feel joy in spite of it. My family loves the shit out of me even when I’m not perfect.

Housecat, I'm so sorry for all that you're going through and all the trauma you've dealt with for so long. People can be monsters and there are many times when I think the word human should be inhumane and I know you kwim.

My thoughts (fwiw since I've never been through your exact experience and we are all different anyway) is to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling when you feel very down. Don't fight the feelings and force yourself to continue with your "happy" day. Don't allow that pressure to cause you to feel like you have to fake it. Instead take your cues from how you're feeling. Your therapist says you're working too hard to get "better" to get "well". Listen to your therapist. Slow it down. I get wanting to feel in control especially given the loss of control you've experienced. But sometimes allowing yourself to not have to control everything is freeing in a way. And allows more healing to happen.

Thank goodness you are surrounded by your loved ones who love you unconditionally. That's going a long way to make you feel whole again and adjust to your new "normal". Because from what little I know about traumatic events is that you can't go back to how it was before. Rather you make a new "normal" where you can and will experience more joy than pain. More happy times than sad and more positive than negative. But it's not a race to the finish line but a process that takes as long as it will take. No timeline no schedule. You don't need that added pressure. Just allow yourself to be while working with your therapist and your loved ones to achieve a sense of peace and contentment where eventually you will feel safe.

Sending love and gentle hugs and good thoughts your way. Always.

(((HUGS)))

 

[tyty333]

I am so sorry for the troubles everyone is going through. My wish for everyone is that the stressful events become more
manageable or, better yet, come to an end as soon as possible.

This thread helps to put life's little "stressers" into prospective. Thank you all for telling your stories.

 

[december-fire]

My heart goes out to everyone dealing with stressful issues; those who have posted, and those who haven't. Sometimes, it helps to just say stuff out loud or to know that others care. PS has so many thoughtful, compassionate members. Know that we care, even if we can't change your particular circumstances.

Despite the fact that I want others to know they can come to me to talk, vent or cry, I just keep things to myself. I try to take whatever concrete steps I can to change or improve things. But some stuff can't be changed or improved. Our only option in those situations is to try to figure out a way ahead, doing whatever is possible. Not ideal, not easy, but sometimes its all we've got.

Although its tough at times, I think its important to try to look after ourselves physically and mentally; it gives us more strength to cope with things. This is advice that I completely ignored; so easy to dish out advice, but much harder to follow it ourselves. Over time, though, the number of life stresses can build, layer upon layer, depleting our strength - especially if we've ignored our well-being.

If at all possible, its good to try and do little things to relax or improve your physical health. Listen to music, read, go for a walk, soak in the tub, pat the cat, play with the dog, browse jewellery - whatever gives your mind a break for a bit. Try to have eggs for breakfast instead of toast or a muffin. All little things, which at times may feel as though they can't be squeezed into a demanding life, but if you can do something that is positive for yourself, it can help with the energy required to deal with life's stressful stuff. Unfortunately, we can be so overwhelmed at times, looking after others, etc., that we neglect ourselves and can end up with new issues with which to deal.

My suggestions probably sound flippant. How the heck is a walk or having eggs supposed to help when you're dealing with a serious situation. I know. But if you can try to do something that's beneficial for you, even when its hard to find the extra 10-20 minutes in the day, it can boost your ability to keep putting one foot in front of the next.

Brief distractions and doing something positive for ourselves won't make the serious stuff go away, but it will do more good for us than we might realize.

Sending comforting thoughts.

 

[doberman]

This was a hard thread to read. Sometimes we are all caught up in our own world that we forget that others are struggling with heavier burdens. @GK2 your situation makes anything I am going through pale in comparison, I'm sorry.

Right now my daughter is at home, separated from her husband due to his heroin addiction. This is rough but we will get through it.

 

[Ally T]

Gosh, some things on here have broken my heart & make my stupid unstable thumb seem such a silly thing.

Lots of love & hugs to everyone having tough issues at the moment. You are all amazing x

 

[asscherisme]

My mentally ill ex husband is suing me for custody (I won majority in my divorce). My lawyer feels it is a ploy to pay less child support.

Meanwhile I am watching my college age son struggle with mental illness. Inherited I am sure. I am trying to get him help, he resists. My youngest child also in crisis, developmental issues and mental health issues. Having trouble finding help for her. She is violent towards my son who still lives at home, a compulsive liar, and has no remorse.

I feel like everything is falling apart right now.

I am not sleeping, my hair is falling out in chunks. I am so stressed.

 

[House Cat]

Housecat, I'm so sorry for all that you're going through and all the trauma you've dealt with for so long. People can be monsters and there are many times when I think the word human should be inhumane and I know you kwim.

My thoughts (fwiw since I've never been through your exact experience and we are all different anyway) is to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling when you feel very down. Don't fight the feelings and force yourself to continue with your "happy" day. Don't allow that pressure to cause you to feel like you have to fake it. Instead take your cues from how you're feeling. Your therapist says you're working too hard to get "better" to get "well". Listen to your therapist. Slow it down. I get wanting to feel in control especially given the loss of control you've experienced. But sometimes allowing yourself to not have to control everything is freeing in a way. And allows more healing to happen.

Thank goodness you are surrounded by your loved ones who love you unconditionally. That's going a long way to make you feel whole again and adjust to your new "normal". Because from what little I know about traumatic events is that you can't go back to how it was before. Rather you make a new "normal" where you can and will experience more joy than pain. More happy times than sad and more positive than negative. But it's not a race to the finish line but a process that takes as long as it will take. No timeline no schedule. You don't need that added pressure. Just allow yourself to be while working with your therapist and your loved ones to achieve a sense of peace and contentment where eventually you will feel safe.

Sending love and gentle hugs and good thoughts your way. Always.

(((HUGS)))

Missy, thank you. You are always so kind. It really makes a difference.

 

[House Cat]

My mentally ill ex husband is suing me for custody (I won majority in my divorce). My lawyer feels it is a ploy to pay less child support.

Meanwhile I am watching my college age son struggle with mental illness. Inherited I am sure. I am trying to get him help, he resists. My youngest child also in crisis, developmental issues and mental health issues. Having trouble finding help for her. She is violent towards my son who still lives at home, a compulsive liar, and has no remorse.

I feel like everything is falling apart right now.

I am not sleeping, my hair is falling out in chunks. I am so stressed.

There is a forum on a website called outofthefog.net. There will be a section on divorcing. It might help. I don’t know what your husband’s issues are, but these people have seen it all.

I’m really sorry that everything is crashing down around you all at once. I hope you can find a good doctor for everyone!

Gigantic hugs for you!

 

[whitewave]

Anxiety and depression. I'm in a pickle. I have made baby step movements to recover from my sofa-bound illnesses over the last 2 years, but it is a lot harder and more overwhelming than I would have thought. I am making progress, though.

I am seeing all of my docs and follow ups, am 100% compliant with my treatments, am focusing on nutrition and trying to force myself to get out of the house and to move more.

I look like a freaking walking dead zombie when I walk. I expect it must look pretty funny though. I hate every moment of it, but heck, sitting on the sofa is getting me nowhere.

I started off walking to the end of my driveway and back. At least when I went to the crater, It gave me hope that I still have the strength and endurance I had 3-4-5 years ago. (Wish I had that body back).

 

[whitewave]

I dealing with my mom's spiral into dementia...it has been rough....she is still on her own but continues to decline

Same with my MIL. DH and she are both only children, so it falls to me and I seriously can't handle it, HUGS

 

[pearlsngems]

@Alex T,

I have arthritis in the same joint (both thumbs) and I am a physio (or physical therapist as we say here in the USA). I bought these splints for myself-- you can do functional activities with them. I'm not sure what your splints are like, but these are great!

PUSH Metagrip:
https://handlab.com/upper-extremity-braces/metagrip.html

You have to measure your hand and order the correct size. They are sold elsewhere on the Web besides HandLab.
I don't know whether you could play piano with them, but I think it's not likely as the whole point of the splint is to keep the thumb in a position of opposition. (I am not a pianist).

 

[diamondringlover]

thanks everyone...its been tough...my sister has been a great help for her..I work my sister does not

 

[Austina]

I'm so sorry to read of all the hardships and struggles you're experiencing, I wish there was something I could say or do to help you all. I think you're all extremely brave to share the personal difficulties you're dealing with.

I'm worried about saying the wrong thing, or sounding trite, but I couldn't read and say nothing.

I sincerely hope the future brings better things for all of you.

 

[MarionC]

Missy thank you for starting this thread.
It’s heartbreaking to read what all you lovely PSers are experiencing, when there is no way around, only though a tough and rough place.
Sending love and heartfelt wishes for bright spots during your trials.
Bling on, courageous PSers!

 

[whitewave]

I think like many here, shiny sparkly things make me happy.

I too hope everyone here gets through what they have to get through, survive it and get to the other side to rebuild your life (or whatever it is you will need to do).

Much love and light to everyone

 

[GK2]

I’m sorry not to thank everyone individually for their best wishes and compassion - posting and running this morning!

I just want to pick up on the point that a few people have made that their own challenges are ‘lesser’ in comparison with others.

No, absolutely no, not ever, nope. If a challenge you are facing is causing you distress, frustration, anger or whatever - this is how you feel and you should absolutely share with this amazingly supportive community if you feel you want to

Reading Pinto Beans thread on the loss of her husband has made me put my big girl knickers on to get through this with my husband (also called Mike coincidentally). If she can find a way through each day, then I’m sure as hell I can as well. Not easy, not everyday but it’s possible

Wow, so much for posting and running... off to get a wheelchair for dh this morning so we can get out and about more before I go back to work in three weeks

 

[MarionC]

After going through one of those rough patches about 6 years ago, which continued to be trial for most of those 6 years...I thought my life was over and for a long time it seemed I was right, but now things are good. Things do evolve over time, circumstances change and we change and somehow, it seems, we find a way to a good place. At least that was my experience. It was hard living day to day thinking it would never be OK, and I never guessed it would take so long to recover! But it’s happening for me -
And I know it will happen for you guys who are struggling.
Of course looking at bling and being with friends on PS are some of the saving graces! : ) xx
I would encourage those who have written to keep writing here and give updates <3

 

[MissyBeaucoup]

Sending best wishes out to everyone going through difficult times. Thinking of you and wishing for you the peace and strength and wisdom you need today. May your spirit be healed and consoled!

 

[LLJsmom]

I see why people say the move forward because they have no choice. That is so true. Still, the courage and strength of you ladies have shown is humbling. I’m so sorry that you are all going through and enduring so much. Each person’s struggle is a source of strength and a little push to me to keep going and helps me to put many things in my life into perspective. My heart tightens a little with each story. I am sending each person a big hug and I hope you don’t mind if I keep you and your concerns in my prayers.

 

[coda72]

Well, I don’t have many other outlets, so I thought I would post here. My husband was recently diagnosed with brain cancer, and we’re just beginning the chemo/radiation journey, and it’s overwhelming at times. I definitely understand what you’re going though @GK2. We’re at the very beginning of the chemo/radiation, so no side effects from that yet, but he’s still relearning how to do things for himself after having surgery. On top of that, we have a 3 year old, and I worry so much about her growing up without her father. I can laugh at my past self that used to feel tired from normal things because now I feel bone deep exhaustion every day just from trying to do everything I need to do.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Life turns on a dime. What is wonderful today can turn to immeasurable sorrow tomorrow. If you live long enough, you will certainly go through really tough stretches of life. As Jimmianne so eloquently stated, things do evolve and change and life can once again be good. For all of you dealing with troubles right now, I sending comforting thoughts and wishes to you. I applaud the human spirit in so many ways as it can be much more resilient than we think. Peace to all.

 

[LLJsmom]

Well, I don’t have many other outlets, so I thought I would post here. My husband was recently diagnosed with brain cancer, and we’re just beginning the chemo/radiation journey, and it’s overwhelming at times. I definitely understand what you’re going though @GK2. We’re at the very beginning of the chemo/radiation, so no side effects from that yet, but he’s still relearning how to do things for himself after having surgery. On top of that, we have a 3 year old, and I worry so much about her growing up without her father. I can laugh at my past self that used to feel tired from normal things because now I feel bone deep exhaustion every day just from trying to do everything I need to do.

I was at the end of this thread @coda72 and your post broke my heart. I am so sorry. Cancer is so hard. I am very good at slamming the door shut on unpleasant memories but another cancer story reminds me of my Dad’s struggle and how it changed all our lives. I am praying for healing and mental and emotional strength for you and your DH. May you both have many more years with your 3 year old.

 

[LLJsmom]

@GK2 thinking about you today. Hope today is a good one.

 

[Missy]

My mentally ill ex husband is suing me for custody (I won majority in my divorce). My lawyer feels it is a ploy to pay less child support.

Meanwhile I am watching my college age son struggle with mental illness. Inherited I am sure. I am trying to get him help, he resists. My youngest child also in crisis, developmental issues and mental health issues. Having trouble finding help for her. She is violent towards my son who still lives at home, a compulsive liar, and has no remorse.

I feel like everything is falling apart right now.

I am not sleeping, my hair is falling out in chunks. I am so stressed.

asscherisme I'm so sorry. Sending you good vibes and hoping this ploy your ex husband is using fails and you are successful in having him pay child support. And hoping your son and daughter are successful in their struggle for good mental health and find the right health care professionals with whom they can work and find contentment and inner peace. And sending you big hugs. One day at a time sounds cliche but it's a cliche that helps. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. We're here to listen and lean on and help however we can. (((Hugs))).

Anxiety and depression. I'm in a pickle. I have made baby step movements to recover from my sofa-bound illnesses over the last 2 years, but it is a lot harder and more overwhelming than I would have thought. I am making progress, though.

I am seeing all of my docs and follow ups, am 100% compliant with my treatments, am focusing on nutrition and trying to force myself to get out of the house and to move more.

I look like a freaking walking dead zombie when I walk. I expect it must look pretty funny though. I hate every moment of it, but heck, sitting on the sofa is getting me nowhere.

I started off walking to the end of my driveway and back. At least when I went to the crater, It gave me hope that I still have the strength and endurance I had 3-4-5 years ago. (Wish I had that body back).

Whitewave sending you good energy and positive thoughts and hugs and hoping each day you feel better than the last and when there are setbacks they are short and few and just keep persevering. You are doing great and making progress even when there are days you don't feel like you are. Anxiety and depression rob us of our joy and you're fighting to get that back and you are winning! Good nutrition, exercise (moving any way you can) and just keep on fighting. We're here to listen and cheer you on and however else we can be of help. Just ask us in case there is anything we can do. (((Hugs))).

Well, I don’t have many other outlets, so I thought I would post here. My husband was recently diagnosed with brain cancer, and we’re just beginning the chemo/radiation journey, and it’s overwhelming at times. I definitely understand what you’re going though @GK2. We’re at the very beginning of the chemo/radiation, so no side effects from that yet, but he’s still relearning how to do things for himself after having surgery. On top of that, we have a 3 year old, and I worry so much about her growing up without her father. I can laugh at my past self that used to feel tired from normal things because now I feel bone deep exhaustion every day just from trying to do everything I need to do.

Coda I am so sorry and keeping you and your dh and your 3 year old in my thoughts. Please remember to take care of yourself too. I know that is the last thing on your mind with this devastating diagnosis and battle your family is going through but please try to remember to take care of yourself. I hope you have a good support network around you but no matter what we are here for you. (((Hugs))).

After going through one of those rough patches about 6 years ago, which continued to be trial for most of those 6 years...I thought my life was over and for a long time it seemed I was right, but now things are good. Things do evolve over time, circumstances change and we change and somehow, it seems, we find a way to a good place. At least that was my experience. It was hard living day to day thinking it would never be OK, and I never guessed it would take so long to recover! But it’s happening for me-

And I know it will happen for you guys who are struggling.
Of course looking at bling and being with friends on PS are some of the saving graces! : ) xx
I would encourage those who have written to keep writing here and give updates <3

Jimmianne sweetheart you know you are always in my thoughts and I am so proud of you. You've come a long way and you've worked so hard at making your life meaningful and successful and have helped so many others along the way. Nobody can fathom what you have been through of course but having a little insight into your ordeal I am in awe of your strength and courage. As always sending you lots of love and hugs and looking forward to being in your life for as long as we exist here on earth. (((Hugs))).

My heart goes out to each and everyone struggling with any issue and even if you aren't posting and sharing here I am sending out good thoughts and positive vibes and I am always here to listen and cry with you and support you any way I can.

 

[whitewave]

My husband had cancer when our first child was an infant; it was a mostly curable kind, but I definitely know the what if feelings and will my child remember him thoughts.

HUGS and be sure to take care of you.