What do you think will be the defining event of your life?

[zhuzhu]

I am sorry to hear some of the misfortunes that have happened to some of you lovely ladies. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

To me the life defining events prob include leaving home to study alone in a foreign country at the age of 15, the sickness and death in my family, and the realization of true love when my DH and I met.

 

[Steel]

Date: 12/18/2008 6:11:32 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 12/18/2008 3:30:52 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
On my 16th birthday, totally beyond my control, I was the victim of date rape...and that date was actually my first date ever.

I know you were searching for ''lifetime events''...but nothing more than that single night effected my life more, and I honestly believe nothing ever will--nothing will ever even come close. Up until I was 16, I was on one path...the day I turned 16, who I was directed towards becoming more or less died, and who I am now was born. Every decision I made for the next two years was because of that night, and everything since has been a reflection of those choices...

For example...until I was 16, I was a great student, and totally college bound. I had even already made a list of my 5 top choices. I was *excited* about my future. After that I night, I hated the thought of college...I went through the motions, but never had the intent of following through...I wasn''t emotionally ready to leave home. The day of SAT, I skipped it, and instead had my first meeting with a psychologist...I''ve never taken that test to this day. I went to beauty school, and lived at home until I was 21...It took me until then to feel ready to ''move on'' with my life....

Had that not happened to me, I would have gone to college...graduated...become something other than what I am, for sure. Probably lived somewhere else, married someone else...

In many ways I''ve learned to embrace what happened to me...not the act itself...but the fall out of it. From that horrible night, my wonderful life emerged. Is it different that what it could have been? Yes. Is it less because it was more or less ''plan b''? Absolutely not.

I had an experience somewhat along those lines too Italia. Super duper big hug to you sweety! My assault didn''t quite turn into rape, but it was in that direction, but I guess he heard someone coming and left, but I was still beaten very badly. And that changed me. More so, not because of what happend, but because it happened from someone that I cared about. And that I thought cared about me. It changed the way I viewed things, the type of men I dated, the dreams I had at night. But no, it wasn''t all bad. I have so much perspective, perhaps even wisdom that I could have gained through no other way.

Thanks for sharing this Italia + joflier. I have never head of somebody else feeling this particular type of regret. Thank you.

 

[diane5006]

thanks for sharing italia...and others...some have you have had significantly traumatic events...that have impacted your life...puts thing in perspective

 

[Pandora II]

Gosh, hard question!

The path my own life has taken have been defined by some quite random turning points that happened by chance, but the two greatest influences so far would have been the suicide of my ex in November 1997 a few months after I left him (after 7 years) and meeting my wonderful husband in 2004.

The Internet has also had a HUGE impact on my life.

Events like 9/11 didn''t have much of an effect on me at all - but that is probably because in the UK we are far more used to living with terrorist attacks and bombings and you just learn not to worry too much (WWII wiped out entire cities, the IRA campaign in the 70''s/80''s/90''s and recent events like the 7/7 tube bombings).

 

[Phoenix]

First, I am sorry to hear about the things that have happened to some of you ladies, but kudos to you for having emerged from these events stronger women.

There are/ were two defining moments in my life:

1) when I was given a bowl of rice by my aunt-in-law after we'd starved for a couple of days. This was after the communists took over South Vietnam, took over our second home, demoted my dad, forced us to sell our main house and move in with my aunt-in-law and uncle and their family. After that, I swore I'd never *EVER* be that poor again.

2) when my family (well, some of us anyway) left Vietnam on a boat to escape from this hard core communist regime, and for my dad (who used to be a member of parliament) to avoid imprisonment by the Communists. We were literally all cramped up with not even a tiny bit of leg room in a boat, threw up for several days (despite not having been able to eat anything for days due to sea-sickness). Then we got hijacked by pirates, had guns, knives and hammers literally shoved into our faces. Then we were in a Malaysian beach for several months, surviving on donations by charities. Then we were forced into the sea again in tiny little boats, but NOT before practically all the women and girls from our boats were raped (some repeatedly - I could literally here their cries for mercy) by Malaysian soldiers (note, the Malaysian people were very nice to us when we were camped on the beach - the atrocious act was committed by a bunch of Malaysian soldiers). We were less unfortunate - my two female cousins and I - we were hidden under a bunch of luggage, so we were able to escape from these soldiers. I literally saw with my own eyes corpses of women being thrown into the sea the very next morning - i've assumed that they must have passed out from having been gang-raped so many times, and these b****d SOB's must have just disposed of the women instead of trying to deal with them.

My life after these events was very colourful, if at times very very hard.

All these events, the above as well as those that happened afterwards, have made me whom I am today, a strong and determined woman who would climb any mountain and who would defy all odds. Although we were given help after having been thrown back into the sea (we were rescued by the people from Medicins Sans Frontieres who put us aboard the ship Ile de Lumiere - I cannot say enough kind words about them and this charity) and subsequently after we'd settled into France and then the UK (I am most grateful for the opportunities my family and I have been given), I've had to work extremely hard, defying all odds, to be where and whom I am today. I take *nothing* for granted!!

And I am not scared of anything in my life, except for one thing: the death of loved ones.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Date: 12/19/2008 12:58:44 PM
Author: Phoenix
First, I am sorry to hear about the things that have happened to some of you ladies, but kudos to you for having emerged from these events stronger women.

There are/ were two defining moments in my life:

1) when I was given a bowl of rice by my aunt-in-law after we''d starved for a couple of days. This was after the communists took over South Vietnam, took over our second home, demoted my dad, forced us to sell our main house and move in with my aunt-in-law and uncle and their family. After that, I swore I''d never *EVER* be that poor again.

2) when my family (well, some of us anyway) left Vietnam on a boat to escape from this hard core communist regime, and for my dad (who used to be a member of parliament) to avoid imprisonment by the Communists. We were literally all cramped up with not even a tiny bit of leg room in a boat, threw up for several days (despite not having been able to eat anything for days due to sea-sickness). Then we got hijacked by pirates, had guns, knives and hammers literally shoved into our faces. Then we were in a Malaysian beach for several months, surviving on donations by charities. Then we were forced into the sea again in tiny little boats, but NOT before practically all the women and girls from our boats were raped (some repeatedly - I could literally here their cries for mercy) by Malaysian soldiers (note, the Malaysian people were very nice to us when we were camped on the beach - the atrocious act was committed by a bunch of Malaysian soldiers). We were less unfortunate - my two female cousins and I - we were hidden under a bunch of luggage, so we were able to escape from these soldiers. I literally saw with my own eyes corpses of women being thrown into the sea the very next morning - i''ve assumed that they must have passed out from having been gang-raped so many times, and these b****d SOB''s must have just disposed of the women instead of trying to deal with them.

My life after these events was very colourful, if at times very very hard.

All these events, the above as well as those that happened afterwards, have made me whom I am today, a strong and determined woman who would climb any mountain and who would defy all odds. Although we were given help after having been thrown back into the sea (we were rescued by the people from Medicins Sans Frontieres who put us aboard the ship Ile de Lumiere - I cannot say enough kind words about them and this charity) and subsequently after we''d settled into France and then the UK (I am most grateful for the opportunities my family and I have been given), I''ve had to work extremely hard, defying all odds, to be where and whom I am today. I take *nothing* for granted!!

And I am not scared of anything in my life, except for one thing: the death of loved ones.

Wow, I am just speechless.

Some of you ladies have endured some horrible things and I thank you for sharing the stories. It must not be easy for you. You truly help others put things into perspective.

 

[Kaleigh]

Wow Phoenix. You have survived so much, you are one strong lady. I always admired you, but even more so now. I am speechless too.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

For sure the night I was raped by my first serious boyfriend in high school. Because I knew him so well and thought I was in love with him, it really affected the amount of trust I put in people I know and love. I didn''t find out about it right away either until a couple years later when he fessed up to it. I had been barely conscious because it was the first time I had a couple of beers and ended up drunk because of it. The same guy died in Iraq in 2003 and it was so hard to deal with because I torn between all the old feelings I had for him and being glad that he got what was coming to him...

On a lighter note, the other would be the day I graduated from college because it was on that day that I knew I could do anything that I put my mind to.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 12/19/2008 10:23:18 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Wow Phoenix. You have survived so much, you are one strong lady. I always admired you, but even more so now. I am speechless too.

Wow is right. I realize how much we take for granted.

 

[Miss Fortune]

I think having my first baby will be a defining moment for sure. He is due in a month. He is so wanted and loved already. I had an early miscarriage last year so I really have an appreciation for this healthy pregnancy. We are so very blessed.

 

[steph72276]

I know you are looking for outside things, but I think the miscarriage I just had a few weeks ago was a defining moment in my life. Thinking I was far enough along to be "safe" and then not hearing a heartbeat was heartbreaking. It just puts everything into perspective that life shouldn''t be taken for granted and that we shouldn''t stress about the small things. I feel like I have a new appreciation for life and for my loved ones and that is the one good thing that came out of a bad situation.

 

[waxing lyrical]

Without question, the loss of our son.

 

[Erin]

The morning I was getting ready to attend a wedding when I received a phone call that the wedding was called off. The groom had died in a car accident at about 2am. His whole family was in town from a few states away. They stayed a few days longer than planned to attend his funeral instead. To go from being so happy at the rehearsal dinner - your whole future lies ahead to losing the one you love more than anything. Three years later and she hasn't had a boyfriend. We all get together on his birthday and she still cries at it. We all do.

Since that day I am a more kind person the majority of the time. But most importantly, the time I spend with loved ones is fully appreciated. I try to cement these memories and really enjoy them in the moment. Perhaps it has made me a little morbid. I always try to ingrain some memory of the last time I'm with someone to last me until the next time I see them.

 

[cammy85]

Without question, the defining moment of my life was being in one of the targeted classrooms at Virginia Tech on the day when 32 people were killed. There were 33 casualties total. Without getting into too much detail, my classroom was targeted and we lost several people, both students and our professor. While I ended up escaping with comparatively relative injury, being faced with a situation like that changed my perspective on everything. I was not only faced with grief, I was faced with survivor''s guilt and a case of what they think was/is PTSD. I remember being ambushed by the press, and media carrying the story nonstop for several days.

I don''t think I''ll ever realize how much this event affected other people, since I was so close to it. But I do know that there were so many people, total strangers, who did anything they could to feel like they gave us a little bit of comfort. Even without knowing my story, people would see that I was hurting (especially once I went back to campus to see the memorials and the buildings) and people would give me tissues, hugs, and whatever else they could do at the time to try to make an impact. To be honest, it restored my faith a little bit in people to see total strangers reaching out to people they had never met.

The first anniversary has come and gone, and the pain has subsided, but I know it will never go away. (The NIU shootings were only 10 months after that, which brought back a lot of the same emotions all over again. It''s almost like going back to square one.)

The thought of getting married is ''tarnished'' a little bit by the thought of so many of those students who were killed will never get to have their wedding. Dads will never get to walk their daughter down the aisle. It seems like so many happy moments of my life are now joined with sad realizations that I have been given a second chance, and many others were not as lucky. But while I will think about it, I am not going to let it consume my wedding day. I know I''ll be emotional, but I want it to be because I know how lucky I am to have met the man of my dreams, and how lucky I am to be here today to be able to marry him.

Thankfully, the guilt diminished at least somewhat when I was able to meet the families of some of the students who were killed. They didn''t look at me as if they wished I could have traded places with their child (which I was honestly expecting - i didn''t think they would want to be reminded of those who survived when their children weren''t so lucky). They were people that gave me the biggest hugs and told me that they were so happy that I survived, and that I should feel blessed for having a second chance. They were so happy to meet me and be able to tell me that I shouldn''t feel guilty. They said I should be happy, because they are happy for me and my family that they don''t have to go what they are going through right now.

While I consider it a defining moment in my life, I refuse to let it define my life. There is more to me than that. I am still working through all the emotions, and still trying to deal with the guilt of ''why me and what makes me different from those whose lives were cut tragically short?'' but I refuse to let it cripple me. What doesn''t kill you makes you stronger, and I plan on using these experiences to my advantage, and let it be a learning experiene. If I let it consume me, even almost two years later, the shooter will have still won. I refuse to let that happen.