What do you think will be the defining event of your life?

[Allisonfaye]

I am curious. What external event, to date, do you think will have the most impact on you and your life? It could be the economy, the war, 911, anything...and why? And by external event, I mean things that you have no control over, not personal events like your wedding, your engagement, the death of a family member, etc.

I used to work with a man who told me about when TV was invented and how it changed his life. He said he and his family used to spend time together until TV came along. Then they ate dinner in front of the TV and their whole lives were affected, much like the movie Avalon if you have seen it. (Great movie, by the way).

 

[Italiahaircolor]

On my 16th birthday, totally beyond my control, I was the victim of date rape...and that date was actually my first date ever.

I know you were searching for "lifetime events"...but nothing more than that single night effected my life more, and I honestly believe nothing ever will--nothing will ever even come close. Up until I was 16, I was on one path...the day I turned 16, who I was directed towards becoming more or less died, and who I am now was born. Every decision I made for the next two years was because of that night, and everything since has been a reflection of those choices...

For example...until I was 16, I was a great student, and totally college bound. I had even already made a list of my 5 top choices. I was *excited* about my future. After that I night, I hated the thought of college...I went through the motions, but never had the intent of following through...I wasn't emotionally ready to leave home. The day of SAT, I skipped it, and instead had my first meeting with a psychologist...I've never taken that test to this day. I went to beauty school, and lived at home until I was 21...It took me until then to feel ready to "move on" with my life....

Had that not happened to me, I would have gone to college...graduated...become something other than what I am, for sure. Probably lived somewhere else, married someone else...

In many ways I've learned to embrace what happened to me...not the act itself...but the fall out of it. From that horrible night, my wonderful life emerged. Is it different that what it could have been? Yes. Is it less because it was more or less "plan b"? Absolutely not.

 

[musey]

I don''t think it''s happened yet, for me. I bet there are some big world events coming up in the next 10-20 years that will be defining for me, though... I just feel like the world is on the brink of big things.

 

[Circe]

The internet. The degree to which our lives and our access to knowledge has been changed forever by the technology which made it possible is impossible to gauge. Any Neal Stephenson/William Gibson fans around? Speculative fiction has always had a predictive element, but the worlds which they describe are getting closer every day ....

... and I''m damn near to being a Luddite. Gulp.

 

[Haven]

I haven''t figured out my answer yet, but I wanted to say that this is the best thread I''ve seen in a while. Thanks, Allison.

 

[honey22]

I don''t know it''s a life defining event as such, but I just FELT different the day of the 911 attacks. We woke up here in Australia to my Mum telling me that a terrorist plane had slammed into the trade towers, although so far away, that event affected me deeply, as I am sure it did to millions over the world. I felt like I had just grown up - that I could no longer ignore the adult, bad things that happen in life, and I had this horrible feeling that life would never be the same again. How could war hit so close to home? A lot of Americans would probably find that statement hard to believe, but Australia and America have very close ties, and I thought, if they can do it there, then we might be next.

As long as I live, I will never forget that video footage of the second plane just disappearing into that building. Life just changed for so many people that day, I don''t know how life could possibly go on the same course after those events.

 

[InLuv101]

For me it has to be 9/11. I know there have been other terrorist attacks in the USA but 9/11 is the only one since I've been an adult. It really did change everything for me. I'm now more suspicious of all people in general. I don't trust/talk/smile at strangers (not that you should-hopefully you know what I mean). I just now know what terrible things people are capable of and I don't think I will ever forget that.

 

[purrfectpear]

As far as technology, the VCR, the microwave, and the internet

I''ll never forget being a little girl, and going with my parents down to the vending company office where my dad worked and seeing the FIRST microwave to arrive in my city. There were no personal microwaves for sale yet, this was going into a vending foodbank for a major hospital. All the employees brought their families down to see it and we popped popcorn, and microwaved hotdogs in this giant Litton. We were amazed

I was in grade school when Kennedy was shot, and I remember the walk on the moon (I was 16), but I think 9/11 had the biggest impact. I felt my country had been attacked and I knew my world would never feel as safe again.

That was the day that I realized my very Liberal self would gladly line up terrorists and shoot them with glee.

 

[Sha]

The Internet, probably. It drastically changed the way we communicate, I think, and made the world a much smaller place. Information can be shared or researched in an instant. It's really amazing!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think there will still be several life-defining events in my future, but so far I've had two:

1. I was told I would die when I was seven and while I was too young to understand what death was, preparing for it made a huge impact on my life. Obviously I didn't die and after many surgeries over the next five years I turned out to be relatively healthy, but I think dealing with something so frightening at such a young age completely changed my perspective. I don't feel that I am one to fear much and attribute all of my accomplishments to having a passion for living life to its fullest.

2. Meeting my husband. I met my husband when I was very young (1 in a chatroom completely by chance. I can honestly say that my life changed that day, though at the time I never thought we'd be where we are today. I've never had such a connection with another person my entire life and while it's nearly a decade later, I still feel that the connection we have is extraordinarily unique and irreplacable. If I believed in soul mates, I'd chalk it up to that, but I don't so I'll just say that I find it odd and strange in a very delightful way.

Oh, and I think laser hair removal technology will change my life in the future

 

[WishfulThinking]

The passage of proposition 8 in California has had the most impact on my life so far.

It's the reason I cannot afford to go to grad school this coming year after I graduate from college. It's the reason I might have to pay out of pocket for health insurance. It's the reason I got married at age 21 when we would have preferred to wait another 5 or 6 years. How this initiative will be interpreted by the court this coming Spring will make the final determination about all of these things, but we cannot proceed assuming our marriage will be recognized because it will leave us financially unprepared if it is not. It's also really affected the way I look at my life and what I want to do career-wise.

On a less heavy note, as a student I think the invention of the internet has had a HUGE influence on my life! Being pretty young I am pretty sure I have no idea quite *how* much it has influenced my education, but I know it has in major ways.

 

[somethingshiny]

I''ve never thought of one event defining my life. It is an interesting thought, though. Of course, the most definable your life could be is by the choices you have made and the way you deal with those choices.

I have had years of back to back defining events in my life simply because of the way I was raised. Those circumstances caused me to be an adult from around age 12. So, I guess that whole time period of "growing up in a hurry" is probably the most defining event for me.

The impact it caused was missing a childhood for the most part (although I''m not resentful or upset about it), becoming responsible for two younger siblings, feeling like a bad "mom" when those siblings made mistakes, figuring out financial responsibility and bills, caring for people who showed up on the door step, and basically learning to deal with some horrible happenings. However, I can''t be pissed about any of it. I like who I am (in fact, I think I''m pretty great!), and I wouldn''t be this person if it wasn''t for those events.

I can''t think of anything that would be any more defining in my life to date or in the future.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/18/2008 3:30:52 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
On my 16th birthday, totally beyond my control, I was the victim of date rape...and that date was actually my first date ever.

Oh my god, Italianhaircolor. I'm so sorry.

 

[Skippy123]

The biggest impact on my life has been death. I literally have been surrounded with many deaths, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, coworkers, friends, my MIL (come from a large family). I think it makes me aware of my own mortality. I think recently my aunt and my MIL have been the biggest impacts because they were such sudden deaths in the past year. For me, I try to live my life to the fullest and make sure daily I let my family know I love them and all not sweat the small things as much because they won't be the big things in my life when it is all said and done. I also realize that we don't have control over the unknow so I leave things up to the person in charge (without going into faith, etc). This is a very interesting thread.

 

[joflier]

Date: 12/18/2008 3:30:52 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
On my 16th birthday, totally beyond my control, I was the victim of date rape...and that date was actually my first date ever.

I know you were searching for ''lifetime events''...but nothing more than that single night effected my life more, and I honestly believe nothing ever will--nothing will ever even come close. Up until I was 16, I was on one path...the day I turned 16, who I was directed towards becoming more or less died, and who I am now was born. Every decision I made for the next two years was because of that night, and everything since has been a reflection of those choices...

For example...until I was 16, I was a great student, and totally college bound. I had even already made a list of my 5 top choices. I was *excited* about my future. After that I night, I hated the thought of college...I went through the motions, but never had the intent of following through...I wasn''t emotionally ready to leave home. The day of SAT, I skipped it, and instead had my first meeting with a psychologist...I''ve never taken that test to this day. I went to beauty school, and lived at home until I was 21...It took me until then to feel ready to ''move on'' with my life....

Had that not happened to me, I would have gone to college...graduated...become something other than what I am, for sure. Probably lived somewhere else, married someone else...

In many ways I''ve learned to embrace what happened to me...not the act itself...but the fall out of it. From that horrible night, my wonderful life emerged. Is it different that what it could have been? Yes. Is it less because it was more or less ''plan b''? Absolutely not.

I had an experience somewhat along those lines too Italia. Super duper big hug to you sweety! My assault didn''t quite turn into rape, but it was in that direction, but I guess he heard someone coming and left, but I was still beaten very badly. And that changed me. More so, not because of what happend, but because it happened from someone that I cared about. And that I thought cared about me. It changed the way I viewed things, the type of men I dated, the dreams I had at night. But no, it wasn''t all bad. I have so much perspective, perhaps even wisdom that I could have gained through no other way.

 

[diane5006]

Interesting thread...

Hard to say for me...

For one education...

 

[TravelingGal]

Italia, I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. Thank you for sharing.

The internet is a big one for sure.

The other in my life would just be the fact that I am my father''s daughter. Obviously I had no choice in who my dad was.

He was a selfish, often mean person. He hit my mother. He beat me on one occasion where he threw me onto the ground and kicked my face. He was an alcoholic. He made bad financial decisions which cost us our house and made our family face financial hardship for years afterward.

He made me into much of the person who I am today.

I had general distrust in men and was so afraid of ever getting hit, but was strong enough to know I''d strike back and leave. I never thought I''d marry. I looked forward to the day he might die and our family would just be more peaceful.

But then, I learned to survive. Learned that life isn''t fair, and often times is just pretty darned funny - even in the darkest moments. I fell in love. I got married. Learned to trust men and decided that life is good.

And when my dad did die, I was heartbroken. For what his life was and what our lives could have been. Through his years of illness, I learned that love is an amazing thing and how powerful it can be to forgive and still cherish someone. He made some terrible mistakes but at the end of the day, he did what he could to the best of his ability. And in the end, I knew without a doubt that he did really love me and was sorry for all the misery he caused our family. I also was able to see so many of the good things he did and was pretty proud of his drive to bring our family here for a better life. Things just didn''t turn out the way he wanted, unfortunately.

Who I am today is someone who loves life and all it has to give. I learned that from someone who was miserable living his, and that is just no way to exist.

 

[somethingshiny]

Tgal~ I can completely get the first half of your post. (I''m sorry for your loss)

It is amazing the way your life turns out when that''s how it started. Life is SOO good, and you wouldn''t have known it during the "carefree years". And, I do believe in these circumstances, you really gain a sense of humor. You have to find something to laugh about.

 

[asscherisme]

Italia, what an awful thing to have been through. Thank you for sharing.

For me it would be the birth of my first child because that was the day I became a mom and that changed everything. My other kids births were significant of course but its that first child that changed my world.

The second most significant would have to be the day we found my dad's dead body. Suicide. He had been dead for days before anyone realized he was gone. And we were estranged at the time (his choice, he hated my husband, and he also was an alcholic and seperated himself from the world becoming a borderline hermit) I felt more pain than I knew what possible. And tons and tons and tons of guilt even though I knew in my head it was not my fault. And then guilt and anger, lots of lots of anger. It was very scary. But the anger and guilt are gone and now its just a saddness and even with therapy about it its something I don't think I will ever fully get over.

Wishfulthinking, I wish I could have voted NO on proposition 8. I was so saddened to see it pass. Disgusted actually. I hope that the marriages that took place continue to be recognized and that ALL couples who choose to get married have the opportunity, not just in California but all over the country.

 

[vespergirl]

I would say the two things are the internet age and 9/11. We''ll see if Obama''s presidency makes the list over the next couple of years.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Date: 12/18/2008 3:42:06 PM
Author: Haven
I haven''t figured out my answer yet, but I wanted to say that this is the best thread I''ve seen in a while. Thanks, Allison.

Thanks.

I am still thinking about my answer. Again, I am looking for external events...not to say that the deaths of loved ones are not important...

Anyway, I am finding it interesting that no one is mentioning this economy. If you think about the people that you knew who grew up during the depression, that really had a huge influence on who those people became.

So far, I am thinking the internet, but I think the economy is going to be huge, too.

 

[somethingshiny]

I think since the economy is the same for everyone, it can''t really be a defining event to an individual but it''s definitely a defining event for our country. I think that could be a whole separate list.

My grandparents remember the depression and all that went along with it, and while it affected their choices along the way, I don''t think any of them would consider it a defining event. Maybe the war would be in their list, but not the depression itself.

 

[Kaleigh]

AIDS, since it took my brother before there were meds. It changed my life. I miss him a lot right now as Christmas was his favorite holiday.

Losing Nanny on Mother''s day. It was so perfect and yet so bitter sweet. I think of her all the time, but am blessed she taught me so much. Being her caregiver was a priviledge and a blessing. Same for my grandfather, he was wise and gave me strength at times I didn''t think I had. It''s helping me care for my parents, her daughter. I learned so much, and can say no, can''t do that. But can do it tomorrow.

9/11. That is one day, I will never forget. Lost two really great friends. The images are still haunting me...

 

[Haven]

Date: 12/18/2008 7:36:29 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I think since the economy is the same for everyone, it can''t really be a defining event to an individual but it''s definitely a defining event for our country. I think that could be a whole separate list.


My grandparents remember the depression and all that went along with it, and while it affected their choices along the way, I don''t think any of them would consider it a defining event. Maybe the war would be in their list, but not the depression itself.

I don''t really think we can really say what qualifies as defining events in other peoples'' lives. I think that our current economic downturn is going to be a huge defining event for individuals. Why would a depression be any different than the Internet, or 9/11, or anything like that?

I know many people who lived through the Great Depression and it clearly affects nearly every single choice they make to this day, which means that it still affects the way they live their lives.

I thought about this today, and I have to say that the most defining event of my life thus far has to be Nelson Mandela''s release from prison, and subsequent presidency. I was only 13 when he became president, but for some reason I was completely obsessed with learning about apartheid, and then following Mandela''s life. I think that is what sparked my very strong desire to fight for basic human rights.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/18/2008 7:29:43 PM
Author: Allisonfaye

Date: 12/18/2008 3:42:06 PM

Author: Haven

I haven''t figured out my answer yet, but I wanted to say that this is the best thread I''ve seen in a while. Thanks, Allison.

Thanks.


I am still thinking about my answer. Again, I am looking for external events...not to say that the deaths of loved ones are not important...


Anyway, I am finding it interesting that no one is mentioning this economy. If you think about the people that you knew who grew up during the depression, that really had a huge influence on who those people became.


So far, I am thinking the internet, but I think the economy is going to be huge, too.

Honestly, I don''t think we are anywhere near the great depression here...so I think that might be why no one is saying it''s a life defining event...

 

[somethingshiny]

Haven~ Neatfreak''s answer is along the lines of what I was thinking. Not that it CAN''T become a defining event in the future, but IMO, it''s just not THAT bad right now. Of course it''s not good, and not good for everyone, but we''re not standing in line to get meat. And, to me, the fact that my grandparent''s aren''t haunted by the depression (which I imagine was completely awful to live through), means that we probably won''t be haunted by our current economic standings.

 

[Haven]

Oh, SS, I get it now. I didn''t understand what you meant when you said "I think since the economy is the same for everyone, it can''t really be a defining event to an individual but it''s definitely a defining event for our country. I think that could be a whole separate list." Maybe I just misunderstood that line.

I don''t think the current economic situation is anywhere near a depression, either, but if it were, I think it could define some lives.

 

[KimberlyH]

About 13 years ago I was watching the news while getting ready for work at 3:45 in the afternoon. A news-copter was filming a man who had stopped traffic on an L.A. freeway exchange. There hung a sign that I foud difficult to read, in his truck bed. He spent a long period of time pacing around the vehicle and sitting in it. At one point he set the inside of his truck on fire, killing his dog; his clothes caught fire but he put them out. He propped a gun up on the side of the freeway placed it in his mouth and shot himself, effectively ending his life.

It was one of the most stunning, horrific things I''d ever seen, and it seemed inescapable. Every channel I turned on was showing it. Stations interrupted cartoons, talk shows, anything else that was on to show this happening live. First, I was devestated to have witnessed such an awful thing. Second, I was mortified to live in a society that sees our stalkeresque media as acceptable; I found out that this had been broadcast from the onset of the incident nearly 50 minutes before he commited suicide and I am still dumbfounded about that fact. I often think of that man, and my heart still hearts for him, and a society that believes watching such things constitutes news.

 

[somethingshiny]

haven~ I reread what I wrote and I see that it wasn''t a full thought. That''s what I get for having a computer in a playroom for a 3 yr old!~

 

[Haven]

SS--I can''t imagine being able to eek out one coherent thought with a 3-year-old in the room! I''m impressed with your ability!