What do you do for yourself?

[tlh]

Tacori, I''m sorry you feel this way, but what a wonderful resolution! I hope you fit some things in that you enjoy doing, whether it be reading, zumba, etc.

I dont have kids yet, but I''m sure I''ll deal with this issue too. Right now I run for myself... and it is about all that I do FOR ME. But I think as life factors shift, this may change... which is a good thing. Life is evolving - and sometimes we need to renew ourselves as our defining roles change. We decide what defines us - and what is important... and you are a darn good mother, and wife... but sometimes you need to be a darn good Tacori E-ring too.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Monarch, I would not consider myself codependent so I always have had plenty of "me time" before I came a mom. DH and I always had/have different interests and hobbies. I think that is great that you and your SO are making sure to keep true to yourselves.

Circe, oh no! I certainly didn't intend to horrify anyone!

This actually seems to be a common problem among my friends who have young children. My life is rich and fulfilling and I feel honored and very lucky to be able to spend so much time with my daughter. She will never be 2 again KWIM? But like anything in life it is give and take. At this phase in my life I feel I am giving much more than taking but that's okay. I know it is just a phase.

Kaleigh, not as much as he should. He is self-employed so he doesn't have an 8-6 kinda job. T does so to a mother's morning out program for 3 hours a week which is WONDERFUL. I usually spend the 3 hours running errands though

I don't feel wise. I feel tired. Haha. Thanks for the compliments Lisa. Not sure I am much to admire but it means a lot.

DD, It will be a LONG time before I will be done. Luckily there are a variety of degrees that can get me to my end goal. It sounds like they are mostly night classes too. Hopefully I can get T into preschool and am planning to send her 3 days a week.

MC, its a tough balance for sure. That is great you take time for your hobbies.

reader, my DD is at a very difficult age so I do feel trapped in my house. I look forward to doing more with her once she is older.

MrsM, I am so proud of you. I know you will find a job. I think you are right and smart to have a focus beyond your family. I know there will come a time where she doesn't need me so much and I don't want to be stuck KWIM? I've got a daddy's girl too. Your gym sounds amazing. Haha.

sizzle, glad I could inspire you. Hope you get your Sunday night TV marathon back!

soocool, that's a great idea. My closest mommy friend has three kids though so not sure that would be an even trade or even worth it for me. I am looking forward to going back to school and changing careers. I am glad I waited b/c had I gone to grade school right away I would have gotten a totally different degree. Funny how life works itself out.

Steph, I think it is more common than people know. Or maybe people don't talk about it. Haha. I am planning on putting her in preschool b/c she needs it as much as I do. I want her to be able to get along with other kids and since right now she is an only child that means exposing her through school. If she gets a spot she will go a total of 12 hours a week

I am sure you will finish your degree one day. Good luck with the new baby. Can't wait to see pictures!

tlh, you are so sweet. I should print out your post and tape it to my mirror.

I know T will only benefit from having a happy mama so I have to let go of the guilt I get when I leave her with a sitter. It will be difficult but no one said resolutions were suppose to be easy right?

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Thank you Tacori! I think you''re wise to plan beyond the early years, but I re-read your original post and I guess what you''re asking about is what to do now? I seriously recommend a massage and a facial. Not necessarily a regular treat, but once in a while a little overpriced pampering goes a long way! Also, (and this sounds lame even to me) I like to get all my jewelry out and give it a really good clean and polish now and again. I find that quite therapeutic. Maybe not exactly a hobby, but it''s nice to pick out new looking sparklies the next morning, gives me a little lift.

 

[dragonfly411]

I''m younger, so it''s a bit easier still for me to do things for myself. I read, and I blog on a blog and on tumbler (not every day on the blog, but you get the jist). I ride horses, and I paint sometimes. I play a little with photography. I do a lot of things for myself. I enjoy a good piece of chocolate now and then. I enjoy my animals. I run. SO is joining in more and more of these, as I join in more and more of his, but it''s easy right now.

 

[Haven]

From what I''ve heard from my mommy friends, you are not alone, Tacori.

DH and I don''t have kids yet, and I only work part-time, and DH only takes about 30 clients a week, so we have lots of time to do things for ourselves.

The big things I''m currently doing for myself: I read, write, try new crafts (right now I''m obsessed with making sock monkeys, last month it was restoring old photos,) take long walks with the pup, spend hours having snowball fights with DH and the pup, spend afternoons in bookstore cafes reading interesting magazines and sipping hot apple cider, exercise, run my book club, teach myself calligraphy, collect inspiration photos for my dream house, and cook.

I quit a full-time teaching job at the end of the summer because it was negatively impacting my life in many ways. One of them was that I was putting so much into teaching that I was leaving very little time for myself, my husband, and our furbabies. Leaving that job was one of the best choices I''ve made yet.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/29/2009 9:39:18 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring


MC, its a tough balance for sure. That is great you take time for your hobbies.

Yeah. Just to point out, my hobbies have changed. Before having kids, my interests were of the sort where I went out and took classes (like pottery). Things I no longer can do because they''d require a babysitter. Although, I use to have the kids in PT preschool to give me "me time," so I do think that''s okay if you can afford to do so.

 

[TravelingGal]

Tacori, yeah, having parents near you is a big plus. It''s only my mom near me, but it''s a help when it comes to babysitting nights. I have our nanny that I can use as well, but my mom always wants to do the job, go figure!

Yes, love the Kindle. It''s great to read on and I forget it''s not a "real" book. I love the instant gratification part...if I want something to read, I can just have it delivered wirelessly in a few seconds. Highly recommended!!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I need a kindle!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/29/2009 12:05:42 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
I need a kindle!

You do, it rocks!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Oh, what would I give to have an evening baby sitter. There just isn''t anyone near us who could do it. DH and I haven''t had a night out together since A was born. However, one of our close friends is having a party NYE and we''re going. A will come with us and sleep in her travel crib (she''ll sleep through anything). I am ridiculously excited about having a night out with DH.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

MrsM, I just feel so guilty spending $75+ on a facial. Maybe I should just start with a $30 pedicure. Haha. I should clean my jewelry. Y''all would be horrified.

dragon, those are great ideas. I used to do so much more before child. I enjoy chocolate everyday so I guess I am doing something though my pants don''t appreciate it.

That is great your SO is becoming more involved in your hobbies.

Haven, I know it is a common problem. I certainly hope I didn''t sound like I was throwing myself a pity party. I think we all make choices and no amount of money is worth your sanity. That is great you had the opportunity to go PT! I would love to be part of a book club. Wonder where I can get info on that kind of thing.

MC, childcare does damper things huh? That''s why going to the gym is always an option b/c they offer it there. I do plan on putting her in preschool next year. To apply we have to go there at 4am. No joke. Preschool here is competitive and fills up fast. Too many tots running around I guess. Fingers crossed we can get her in.

TGal, I have my ILs here but it just isn''t the same.

But I have had ZoeBarlett babysit and Princesss offer so I do have options. I am thinking DH and I need a date night soon. My FIL just got the kindle. I do read a lot so I would get a lot of use out of it. Hmmm...something to think about. Maybe for my b-day.

MrsM, too bad you don''t live here we could baby swap! That is awesome she will sleep through anything/anywhere. Have a great night!

 

[Haven]

I don''t think you sound like you''re throwing yourself a pity party at all, Tacori!

I couldn''t find a book club that worked for me, so I started my own. I sent an email out to all the women I know, and now we''ve read three books together and it''s been a lot of fun.

I hope you find some time for yourself. I can only imagine how difficult it is to make time for yourself when you have a child.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Hey, if you want to come to Scotland, I''ll babysit for you night about (or we can have DH do it and go for a serious night out).

If you don''t feel comfortable with a beauty splurge, maybe you could find somewhere locally that does training for beauty therapists? There''s a place near us that does a manicure for £3, by trainees under supervision. They also do facials, which I think are about £8. I''ve been there a few times and they were great. It was much the same as the regular experience, just with a superviser in the room and the trainee talking through what she was doing (quietly).

 

[zoebartlett]

My offer to babysit is a standing one, in case you and J. want to have a date night. Just thought I''d throw that out there. I''d love to have another dance party with T!

I don''t think it sounds like you''re throwing yourself a pity party. I think that finding time to do something for yourself is so important, and it''s not easy when you''re being pulled in many different directions.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I''m sure you''re all going to laugh at me, but when I need alone time I go grocery shopping. I get to be by myself (DH HATES the grocery store), I can take as long as I need to, I can wander aimlessly, and it fulfills my shopping compulsions.

 

[bee*]

I go to the gym for myself. I absolutely adore going, have a good group of friends up there and enjoy the classes. It keeps me sane.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/29/2009 1:30:49 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
MC, childcare does damper things huh? That''s why going to the gym is always an option b/c they offer it there. I do plan on putting her in preschool next year. To apply we have to go there at 4am. No joke. Preschool here is competitive and fills up fast. Too many tots running around I guess. Fingers crossed we can get her in.

Best of luck getting her in. Just to add, I didn''t put my kids in any fancy preschool, but a regular one that had daycare, as well. From experience, I can say that almost everything my kids learned, I taught them rather than relying on others (like both my kids could count to 100 at an early age - and it''s amazing how other kids were still struggling to do that 1/2 way through kindergarten). It was other skills, like having them learn to follow rules (that other adults setup) and learning to stand in line made transitioning into elementary school easier. I read that kindergarten teachers can tell which kids had preschool based on how easily they handled their first year in school. I think my kids were more confident and were excited to venture into school, whereas there were others who cried and were scared.

One thought is trying to find a local church that offers a few hours (around 2 hours X 2 days per week) for preschool. Many of the moms at my kids'' school did this and found churches that didn''t teach any religion, so there wasn''t any issues regarding that. The prices were much lower than what I paid.

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/29/2009 2:13:16 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
My offer to babysit is a standing one, in case you and J. want to have a date night. Just thought I''d throw that out there. I''d love to have another dance party with T!

I don''t think it sounds like you''re throwing yourself a pity party. I think that finding time to do something for yourself is so important, and it''s not easy when you''re being pulled in many different directions.

I''m totally crashing that party!

T, even just a shape and polish can work wonders (I think you can do $10 for fingers and $12 for toes or something like that at the nail place in B.V. near the movie theater). I used to go every other Friday with some girls to get mine done. Then you can work your way up to a facial or a massage.

As far as taking time for myself - lately I just like lounging around. Normally I''m pretty active, and so the past few weeks I''ve just been enjoying quality time with my couch.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Haven, good! I HATE pity parties and would never knowingly wallow. Like I said I feel lucky to be able to be a SAHM but I do need to find more of a balance. Not sure about starting a book club. Zoe, Princesss? You interested? Haha. Most of my friends have several kids so I actually have the most "me time" which is frightening. But they will grow up so I am trying to enjoy her toddlerhood.

MrsM, I am frugal with some things.

If I spend $80 on a massage for example I will just think about what *jewelry* I could buy if I saved that money once a month for a year. It is a sickness. Scotland is a little far for a move. Perhaps one day I will visit.

Zoe, I will let you know! I would love to go to the movies again. I think it has been 5 months. J and I used to go ALL the time. She even has some NEW dance moves. I like the way you put it. I do feel pulled in different directions. I guess that is life though. Have a great trip!!! Book club?

HH, you can do my shopping I hate it!

It is depressing sometimes that is my alone time b/c I HATE taking T (though she is better now that I let her push those little carts). That is awesome you have such an easy escape!

bee, that''s awesome b/c it is also SO healthy for you. You are a gym machine! I remember from the healthy lifestyle threads. You are awesome.

MC, the sad thing is this is NOT a fancy preschool. They are ALL like this. I live in the bible belt so you can only IMAGINE how many church preschools we have here. Those and the private ones are crazy. One church one (which is super expensive) suggests you go at midnight the night before.

My daughter NEEDS structure. She loves to defy me so she needs to learn limits. She loves going to the childcare at our gym so I know she will thrive. It is still cheaper than a babysitter AND I feel is healthy for her to be around other kids.

princesss, T''s gots some moves. I think pedicures will be good. Cheaper than facials. I need baby steps. You are active with your crazy ultimate frisbee team. I am a natural sloth and need to get back to being more active. Would you be interested in a book club or do you know of one?

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/29/2009 4:47:18 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

princesss, T''s gots some moves. I think pedicures will be good. Cheaper than facials. I need baby steps. You are active with your crazy ultimate frisbee team. I am a natural sloth and need to get back to being more active. Would you be interested in a book club or do you know of one?

I would definitely be into a book club!

Yeah, I am pretty active normally. I guess that''s why the couch and I are such good friends right now.

 

[gardengloves]

Tacori,

A few hours of preschool will give you some quiet "down" time for yourself. I used to take a long mommy''s nap time. . Believe it or not, the two''s and three''s are easy compared to the teenage years, so enjoy every minute of it. Been there kiddo.

 

[ChinaCat]

Tacori-

I don''t think you sound like you are throwing a pity party, I think it''s smart of you to realize that you need to sprinkle back some "me" time back into your life. Before I had my son, I had NO IDEA how much time and energy a baby/kid takes. I was very good at me time before. And now, it just isn''t feasible unless you demand it. As the mom, it''s all on you, all the time. My DH is very helpful, but I''m still the mom.

When I was on maternity leave, I often felt isolated and lonely. One thing I did for myself that was easy was a pedicure. One hour of bliss, no baby, no phone, nothing but me and some nice foot rubbing. Start there, and then let your mind open as to what you would love to do if you really had the time. You''ll get there.

I love to write and I used to take a writing class before O. Now there is no way I have time, but I am determined to figure out a way to go again starting this summer. I am also going to start Pilates again.

It''s hard, but necessary. Will be eagerly watching your posts to see what you come up with! You sound very creative, so something will come to mind.

Good luck!!!

 

[packrat]

I read and watch movies (Singin in the Rain or the Hayley Mills Parent Trap for starters), and play on PS. None of these things are done alone however..right now Trapper is standing behind me on the chair messing w/my hair and London is next to me, pestering me to spell words for her so she can write them. I got a pedicure once, 1 1/2 years ago. I''ve sat in my bff''s infra red sauna w/her about 10 times in the last 2 years, and that''s been awesome. So..not really a lot of alone time. This is why I stay up so late and never get enough sleep-I just want some quiet.

I feel bad spending any money on getting my hair cut or colored/nails done-heck, even waxing my eyebrows, b/c I''m barely contributing to the finances anymore. I tell myself I contribute a lot by being home w/the kids and taking care of the house but still...

I did buy a workout video tho (not the P90X I wanted b/c I didn''t want to spend the $$), and am going to start working out again-it will make me feel better about myself. Once I lose some weight I want to get my hair cut and colored and get my nails done. Hell, my bff is a massage therapist for crying out loud, I bet I could wrangle a massage out of her haha.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I advanced my education, not because I wanted to get or hold a job but soley for my own edification. Selfish perhaps, but it was the most fun I''ve ever had!

And I don''t work FT so I can enjoy my friends and family without the stress of seeming like I never have enough time to enjoy anything.

cheers--Sharon

 

[zoebartlett]

I''d love to see what T''s got. She could show me a few things! A book club sounds fun. I don''t know of any in the area but we (P, you, and me) could start our own. Maybe a few of your mommy friends would want to join too?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Princesss & Zoe, we should do it! I asked my one friend tonight and she looked at me like I was crazy. She asked me how much free time I thought she had with 3 kids. Guess a lot less than me!

garden, now I am officially scared! Maybe I should stop at one. At least this way the kid is out numbered. I have been taking a nap the last few days when she naps. The way I look at the toddler years is at least right now she is still freaking (physically) cute. I am sure once she is a teenager and loses that little girl appeal AND loses her undying love for me (no sweeter words than "I wuv you mommy") things will be harder. Girls usually come back though...right....

China, I have done a lot of self-discovery recently and I don''t want to lose myself totally so I am making come changes! The pedicure idea is looking good. I would also like to get back into painting but it is time consuming and messy (not something I can do when she is around. Can you even imagine

) so that might have to wait a bit.

packrat, I stay up WAY too late for similar reasons. That is another New Year''s resolution. You do contribute. Imagine how much a housekeeper, chef and nanny would be! Hit up your friend. Barter something for those massages! I did finally make it back to the gym today. SOOO out of shape. But it felt good when I was done and T had a blast in their childcare.

canuk, hopefully I will be working on my education soon. Working PT sounds like a dream. Maybe someday.

 

[gardengloves]

garden, now I am officially scared! Maybe I should stop at one. At least this way the kid is out numbered. I have been taking a nap the last few days when she naps. The way I look at the toddler years is at least right now she is still freaking (physically) cute. I am sure once she is a teenager and loses that little girl appeal AND loses her undying love for me (no sweeter words than ''I wuv you mommy'') things will be harder. Girls usually come back though...right....





I had mine 21 months apart. It was always 2 to 1. They doubled down and tagged team on me, ran rings around me actually, but don''t worry, girls love their moms, oh they stay cute alright, they get bigger and cuter, they just raid your closet and cosmetics in the teen years,but after all is said and done -looking back these 2 - 3 years as hard as they are, were the best years of my life. They grow up fast, so pace yourself, but enjoy every minute of it. Soon you will have a teen demanding the car keys!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

garden, she ALREADY demands my car keys! Haha. They are her favorite toy. I really, really, really try to live one day at a time and enjoy each moment. Even when she is screaming face down in a crowded mall shaking her tiny fists and kicking her legs with strangers giving me judgmental looks (their kids would NEVER behave like that!) I try to stay calm and remind myself it is a phase. It''s a learning process for us both. She is learning how to communicate and her boundaries. I am learning how to ignore the urge to run away from home (alone) and how to remain calm.

 

[janinegirly]

I can relate but in a different way. There is no secret life formula, that''s for sure.

I am not a SAHM (as you know), and even though sometimes I wish I was, I imagine I would probably go a little crazy if it was a reality. However my time at work really does not qualify as "me" time. I am typically running around (errands during lunch, rushing home at 5pm so I can at least be with the baby a bit), scarfing dinner, putting her to sleep, cleaning the kitchen then in bed to start all over. It''s hectic. When I''m home, C demands a lot. She is hitting the toddler phase and well, you know all about that.

What I am struggling with right now is just like you said..not really doing anything for myself, and even worse, seeing no opportunity to. Haven''t had a haircut since the summer, pedi and mani maybe once I think since getting pregnant. I no longer care if a gray hair pops up here and there. Sleep is never more than 4-5 hrs straight. Vacation from work is probably your typical day! I''m also new to the ''burbs, so not too many friends and still not good at the driving thing. My struggle is I was single until my 30''s and always lived in cities so this is a big change. I also am an introvert by nature so I really crave alone time. In the past I didn''t even mind going to dinner alone or taking a weekend a way solo to clear my mind. Drinks with friends also was a good outlet for me. So now all my outlets are sealed and it is suffocating at times. But yet this is exactly what I wanted (baby, home, husband, work)! It''s tough...I know it sounds like I turned this into a vent about me, but I guess you hit a chord..plus hopefully you can see that you certainly aren''t alone.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

The biggest thing I do for myself is have DH take care of James in the mornings during the week. I don''t sleep well and I''m not a morning person, and with our move it is so much easier for DH to get James up, changed and out the door before I''m out of bed. That way I have a moment to wake up, eat something healthy and take my time getting ready for work so I''m not rushed and flustered first thing in the morning. Before we bought our house DH was already at work by the time James got up so I was mostly on my own in the morning. It was tough and stressful to say the least. I am a much better mother and wife when I''m able to do things at my own pace, especially in the morning.

As far as hobbies go I used to dance but that ended shortly after I found out I was pregnant with James. My morning sickness (aka all day sickness) took over and it was just too much. With the problems I have with my leg now I doubt I''ll ever be putting pointe shoes on again!

I do like to read, but seem to spend more time on PS or FB to fit that into my day. I love going to car shows with DH in the summer and it''s something that we make a point of doing. I think when James is a bit older I''ll find some other hobby to do - I''m interested in yoga but can''t use my leg enough yet to try it out. I also love a good massage - DH will usually surprise me with one at the local Massage Envy a few times a year.