What ADVICE Would You Give to Newlyweds?

[iLander]

This is pretty funny . . .

I did want to give some actual advice, if there are any marriage noobs still reading this:

There WILL be moments when you wonder why the heck you ever got married. These usually pop into your head in the middle of a fight, or when things seem extra rough.

These moments are perfectly normal, just wait for them to pass.

Meanwhile, don't say anything you can't take back.

Don't escalate fights; next time it may go to a worse level. And after that, even worse. Next thing you know, you're calling an attorney.

Also; don't forget to check Home Depot for various "marriage enhancers".

 

[luv2sparkle]

Married 30 years-

Have to say there is some darn good advice here. Pricescopers could change the world.

ILANDER, I totally agree with your statement about wondering why the heck you ever married the other person. I have told
my kids that and they look at me like I am crazy. They have very rarely heard DH and I argue seriously, but they can tell
when we are bugged with each other. I don't think they really believe me but it is so true, and it does pass.

How you treat the other person comes back to you. If a partner says something irritates or bugs them, do your best to change.
When the time comes that you have something that drives you crazy the other person should do the same for you. If you both treat
each other this way, you will be happy. Oh, and treat your spouse better, kinder, gentler than anyone else on the planet.

Never, ever say anything critical about the other person in public.

 

[iLander]

Married 30 years-
Never, ever say anything critical about the other person in public.

Congrats on 30 years!

I agree with the last statement especially. I have seen friends that ignore this rule and they don't stay married long.

I feel bad when wives trash their husbands privately as well. I suspect husbands, that don't really love their wives, do this when there are other guys around, but it's never been done in my presence. I'm sure it's out there, though.

What I really HATE are the "jokers". They can be husbands that say things about their wives like "there's more of my baby to love" or wives that say something like "I tried to marry a shorter guy, but I couldn't find one". This really degrades the spouse's self-esteem over the years.

If anyone reading this recognizes their betrothed in these statements, here's some advice: RUN!

 

[sillyberry]

This is a wonderful thread. Thanks to everyone who has posted.

I'm...not all that good of a partner, methinks. I sometimes forget that for all of his faults, which I think tend to be more of the obvious type, my FI is really the kinder one of the two of us and if he was smart he would go running far far away from me. But for some crazy reason he hasn't and I really need to keep it that way...

 

[luv2sparkle]

I agree Ilander, I hate that too. The only problem with that is, all my friends think DH can do no wrong! They would all
take his side if I said a thing negative about him now! It does get a little annoying!

My son recently told his girlfriend she had a mustache!!! DD and I tried to show him the error of his ways!!! He just kept saying
'but she asked me!!' The boy has a lot to learn. Oh well, some kids have to learn the hard way!!!

 

[CaliSun]

Together 11 years, Married 6 years... I married my HS sweetie and still feel like the luckiest gal alive

What a great thread!! Lots of great info here - - thanks everyone for sharing!!

* The absolute BEST advice we were given was to never go to bed angry

* I am not a religious person and am not trying to get into religion here at all, but I have always thought that Corinthians 13 says it well:
"Love is patient, love is kind...." to the extent that we have it framed in its entirety so we can read it every day.

Basically, after all this time with my hunny bunch, I am grateful that never since day one have I taken him for granted.

Congrats and Best wishes to all PS newleyweds!!

 

[pierreone]

Married 21 years.

It's encouraging to read all the great advice in this thread.

• Pick your fights wisely. Most of what you'll fight about isn't worth it. And when you do fight, be careful with your words because they can wound deeply.
• Make your marriage about what works best for the two of you and don't compare yourselves to other couples. The grass ISN'T greener 99% of the time.
• It's easy to get pulled in a zillion directions from work, family, activities, school, etc., so try to make together time a priority.
• Flexibility, kindness and laughter are key.

 

[TravelingGal]

I've never read Dr. Laura. My brother has. And he's honestly the best husband I know. Their marriage is one that I know most people envy because they simply put each other first, above their own needs. Oddly, that seems to work, as the more one loves and cares, the more the other does as well and it just goes on and on.

I also have a child. And in order to have a healthy family, I do not put her first. I put my husband first. Or try to. It doesn't always work that way, because maternal instincts say child first. But I say, if you put your child first, completely and outwardly to your husband, that's gravel for a rough road in your marriage.

Women, if you have a husband, you have married a man. Men, if you have a wife, you've married a woman. The two often just aren't wired the same way. I believe at the core, whether or not they admit it, women/wives want to feel loved and cherished. Men want to feel respected. That is not to say women don't want respect and men don't want love. But there IS a distinction, and a fine line in what each actually craves from the other.

Women seem to crave the little things, those small but significant shows of affection. A husband can say, "My wife is a superstar at her job" or "she's an amazing cook" or "She is SO good with the kids" and it's all fine and dandy and certainly shows respect. But if he isn't making an attempt to show her how much he ADORES her, they're going to run into some issues. It doesn't have to be flowers, or stuff like that. Maybe he lets you paint your house purple, just because he knows you love the color.

Likewise, with my own experience with TGuy, he wants to know he's respected. I can give him backrubs, buy him little gifts to show him I'm thinking of him all the time, and love notes, it's appreciated...BUT, it couldn't undo the damage if I spoke ill of him to my friends in anyway, or emasculated him, or disregarded his opinions easily.

Love and respect aren't exclusive of one another...as I said, fine line. But this is what I believe makes a marriage work, along with much of the other advice given here. Perhaps I'm conservative. Maybe even in bed with Dr. Laura.

 

[somethingshiny]

Big Ditto. tgal!

I make sure my children's needs are met, but my marriage is priority. I think it's very important to raise children in a family. Supporting the marriage supports the family. You don't just choose to spend your life with someone ONE time. It has to be a conscious choice every day. Sometimes it has to be a choice several times every day.


I'm glad iLander started this thread. There is a lot of great advice here!

 

[Jennifer W]

Women, if you have a husband, you have married a man. Men, if you have a wife, you've married a woman. The two often just aren't wired the same way. I believe at the core, whether or not they admit it, women/wives want to feel loved and cherished. Men want to feel respected. That is not to say women don't want respect and men don't want love. But there IS a distinction, and a fine line in what each actually craves from the other.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no and no again! I cannot find it in me to agree with ANY statement that says men (all of 'em) want one thing, while women (all of 'em) want another. It's too big a leap to extrapolate from one relationship to all relationships and this is what's at the core of my problem with Dr Laura. I just don't believe it.

ETA of course your spouse needs to meet your needs and vice versa, but I wouldn't presume to know what these needs are based on the preferences of someone else's spouse, or even a whole lot of other peoples' spouses.

 

[iLander]

I've never read Dr. Laura.

Love and respect aren't exclusive of one another...as I said, fine line. But this is what I believe makes a marriage work, along with much of the other advice given here. Perhaps I'm conservative. Maybe even in bed with Dr. Laura.

I agree with everything in your full post, TG. I think most people do.

The problem is when Dr Laura turns your lucid, intelligent advice into condescending, simplistic tripe. Her approach turns men into childish, mouth-breathing objects and women into their mommies/harem girls.

I think that's what people object to. Not the overall theme of love and respect, but her condescending, generalizing approach to it.

 

[iLander]

This is a wonderful thread. Thanks to everyone who has posted.

I'm...not all that good of a partner, methinks. I sometimes forget that for all of his faults, which I think tend to be more of the obvious type, my FI is really the kinder one of the two of us and if he was smart he would go running far far away from me. But for some crazy reason he hasn't and I really need to keep it that way...

I was the same way, sillyberry. I had a tendency to blurt things out, and regret them later. When I realized that some of what I said hurt DH's feelings, I learned to be more careful. I learned to express concerns without being mean about it.

This took time, but it improved both of our lives substantially.

You'll get the hang of it.

 

[iLander]

* I am not a religious person and am not trying to get into religion here at all, but I have always thought that Corinthians 13 says it well:
"Love is patient, love is kind...."

Love this verse, and though I'm not a Christian per se, I read it at my son's wedding.

Also agree, don't take him for granted. But don't let him take you for granted either.

 

[ksinger]

I've never read Dr. Laura.

Love and respect aren't exclusive of one another...as I said, fine line. But this is what I believe makes a marriage work, along with much of the other advice given here. Perhaps I'm conservative. Maybe even in bed with Dr. Laura.

I agree with everything in your full post, TG. I think most people do.

The problem is when Dr Laura turns your lucid, intelligent advice into condescending, simplistic tripe. Her approach turns men into childish, mouth-breathing objects and women into their mommies/harem girls.

I think that's what people object to. Not the overall theme of love and respect, but her condescending, generalizing approach to it.

Of course the question that always comes to MY mind concerning people like Dr Phil or Dr Laura, or anyone who purports to be some expert, is why would anyone listen to to advice from anyone on radio or TV? These people are, by definition, attention hogs, or they wouldn't be doing what they do before an audience. That right there, says to me, that their motivations are not guaranteed to have my best interests at heart. You ever notice how these guys start out OK and then get more and more extreme as time goes by?

My bit of advice for newlyweds? If you're having problems? Don't turn to people like Dr. Laura. Get help from a good marriage counselor in your area, who can talk to YOU. These self-proclaimed "experts" are in it for show, because struggling marriages aren't turned around on the radio or an hour long TV program.

Or you could just come to PS, and get the composite marriage counseling available here.

 

[iLander]

My bit of advice for newlyweds? If you're having problems? Don't turn to people like Dr. Laura. Get help from a good marriage counselor in your area, who can talk to YOU. These self-proclaimed "experts" are in it for show, because struggling marriages aren't turned around on the radio or an hour long TV program.

I agree completely, ksinger; seek out someone who can address your problems in specific.

But be CAREfUL when choosing a therapist. It really takes almost NO professional training to hang out a shingle that says "counselor" or "therapist", at least in my state. This came to mind when I was reading fortekitty's therapist thread. I had a client that was one of the rudest, most obnoxious, woman-haters I had ever come across. He was constantly denigrating women and made insulting remarks to me all the time. I was SHOCKED when he mentioned that his first job was a marriage/family therapist.

I believe it is worth the extra money to go to a psychiatrist, they are trained as extensively as an MD.

 

[Jennifer W]

I've never read Dr. Laura.

Love and respect aren't exclusive of one another...as I said, fine line. But this is what I believe makes a marriage work, along with much of the other advice given here. Perhaps I'm conservative. Maybe even in bed with Dr. Laura.

I agree with everything in your full post, TG. I think most people do.

The problem is when Dr Laura turns your lucid, intelligent advice into condescending, simplistic tripe. Her approach turns men into childish, mouth-breathing objects and women into their mommies/harem girls.

I think that's what people object to. Not the overall theme of love and respect, but her condescending, generalizing approach to it.

Of course the question that always comes to MY mind concerning people like Dr Phil or Dr Laura, or anyone who purports to be some expert, is why would anyone listen to to advice from anyone on radio or TV? These people are, by definition, attention hogs, or they wouldn't be doing what they do before an audience. That right there, says to me, that their motivations are not guaranteed to have my best interests at heart. You ever notice how these guys start out OK and then get more and more extreme as time goes by?

My bit of advice for newlyweds? If you're having problems? Don't turn to people like Dr. Laura. Get help from a good marriage counselor in your area, who can talk to YOU. These self-proclaimed "experts" are in it for show, because struggling marriages aren't turned around on the radio or an hour long TV program.

Or you could just come to PS, and get the composite marriage counseling available here.

I completely agree! Also, is Dr Laura married? If so, shouldn't she be at home caring for and feeding her "dragon slayer?" (One of her funnier euphemisms for husband, and very telling. )

ETA I've just been reading her official website and a couple of other websites with more information about her. I'm sorry I made fun of Dr Laura. I was wrong, she isn't funny at all. She's poisonous. Homophobia, anyone?

 

[ksinger]

Women, if you have a husband, you have married a man. Men, if you have a wife, you've married a woman. The two often just aren't wired the same way. I believe at the core, whether or not they admit it, women/wives want to feel loved and cherished. Men want to feel respected. That is not to say women don't want respect and men don't want love. But there IS a distinction, and a fine line in what each actually craves from the other.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no and no again! I cannot find it in me to agree with ANY statement that says men (all of 'em) want one thing, while women (all of 'em) want another. It's too big a leap to extrapolate from one relationship to all relationships and this is what's at the core of my problem with Dr Laura. I just don't believe it.

ETA of course your spouse needs to meet your needs and vice versa, but I wouldn't presume to know what these needs are based on the preferences of someone else's spouse, or even a whole lot of other peoples' spouses.

At the risk of sounding as if I'm defending Dr. Laura (I'm NOT) I think it isn't the end of all things to make some generalizations about men and women. As long as you keep in mind that variations are always possible, maybe even probable. But to act as if there aren't differences is to fly in the face of quite an overwhelming load of observation to the contrary, and nowadays, quite a bit of research to the contrary. The problem I see is not the recognition of difference, but that people like Laura are certain and condescendingly sneering about it, and put the onus for navigating those differences squarely on the woman, when two people are involved.

Maybe there are bunches of women out there with men who break molds, but mine hews pretty closely to some of the conventional observations. Instead of wanting to talk about things, he withdraws in times of stress. When I have a problem and want to talk, he tries to FIX it. That sort of thing. The difference is, at 48, we are both finally totally aware of our differences and how to mitigate how those differences stress the other.

Interesting though, we went though a rough bit this year with me feeling really under-the-weather quite a bit. Long story short, we had a fight about some stuff, and he was all bent that I was spending so much time at the computer and not DOING anything, that I was ABSENT. After things calmed down, and we talked some more, I said, "You know, me spending all that time engrossed in the computer was a distraction: a STRESS RESPONSE to block out the world. You of all people should understand THAT particular mode." He blinked, paused and went, "Uh, well yeah. Wow...it's no fun is it? (meaning, being on the receiving end). Light bulb! Even at this late date, there is much to be learned.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I believe it is worth the extra money to go to a psychiatrist, they are trained as extensively as an MD.

I should hope so since psychiatrists are MDs.
Just to clarify, psychiatrists are in fact medical doctors, and they differ from psychologists/therapists/counselors in that they did go through medical training and can also prescribe you medications if appropriate.

 

[iLander]

I believe it is worth the extra money to go to a psychiatrist, they are trained as extensively as an MD.

I should hope so since psychiatrists are MDs.
Just to clarify, psychiatrists are in fact medical doctors, and they differ from psychologists/therapists/counselors in that they did go through medical training and can also prescribe you medications if appropriate.

Yes, I just though it would be confusing to some people if I said they were MD's.

Do you happen to know what the qualifications are to be called a psychologist? I don't, so could you please enlighten?

 

[Jennifer W]

Women, if you have a husband, you have married a man. Men, if you have a wife, you've married a woman. The two often just aren't wired the same way. I believe at the core, whether or not they admit it, women/wives want to feel loved and cherished. Men want to feel respected. That is not to say women don't want respect and men don't want love. But there IS a distinction, and a fine line in what each actually craves from the other.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no and no again! I cannot find it in me to agree with ANY statement that says men (all of 'em) want one thing, while women (all of 'em) want another. It's too big a leap to extrapolate from one relationship to all relationships and this is what's at the core of my problem with Dr Laura. I just don't believe it.

ETA of course your spouse needs to meet your needs and vice versa, but I wouldn't presume to know what these needs are based on the preferences of someone else's spouse, or even a whole lot of other peoples' spouses.

At the risk of sounding as if I'm defending Dr. Laura (I'm NOT) I think it isn't the end of all things to make some generalizations about men and women. As long as you keep in mind that variations are always possible, maybe even probable. But to act as if there aren't differences is to fly in the face of quite an overwhelming load of observation to the contrary, and nowadays, quite a bit of research to the contrary. The problem I see is not the recognition of difference, but that people like Laura are certain and condescendingly sneering about it, and put the onus for navigating those differences squarely on the woman, when two people are involved.

Maybe there are bunches of women out there with men who break molds, but mine hews pretty closely to some of the conventional observations. Instead of wanting to talk about things, he withdraws in times of stress. When I have a problem and want to talk, he tries to FIX it. That sort of thing. The difference is, at 48, we are both finally totally aware of our differences and how to mitigate how those differences stress the other.

Interesting though, we went though a rough bit this year with me feeling really under-the-weather quite a bit. Long story short, we had a fight about some stuff, and he was all bent that I was spending so much time at the computer and not DOING anything, that I was ABSENT. After things calmed down, and we talked some more, I said, "You know, me spending all that time engrossed in the computer was a distraction: a STRESS RESPONSE to block out the world. You of all people should understand THAT particular mode." He blinked, paused and went, "Uh, well yeah. Wow...it's no fun is it? (meaning, being on the receiving end). Light bulb! Even at this late date, there is much to be learned.

I think the main reason I'm so resistant to generalisations about men and women is that I can't relate to any of them, either for myself or the people I know. They just don't make any sense to me, I don't recognise myself or my friends, family or my husband in there. There may be a cultural element to some of this - I think there's a good reason why Dr Laura's book hasn't made it to the shelves in say, Edinburgh, for example. I also think it's very hard to determine cause and effect, in that are the differences real, socialised or a combination of the two? It's maybe nice to be able to say "I'm a man, so I can't do / understand / participate in X and you just have to get that, because I'm a man and it's how we are and I can't do anything about it, sorry hon..." I won't say I have a mould-breaking husband, but I would have a husband at risk of ridicule at best and injury at worst if he pulled that sh*it here...

ETA I keep forgetting to say (since it was in the original question) I've been with DH for 14 years, married for 7.

 

[TravelingGal]

Jennifer, I was just thinking last night that you and your DH definitely seem like the exception (in that you don't fit my gross generalizations!) But generalizations are exactly that - just general. I do believe that what I said fits a majority of women and men (>51% ) Just looking at my friends, acquaintances, and even threads on Pricescope over time lead me to believe it, even when women may protest. I do believe that generally women and men are wired differently, as much a result of nuture as nature. But again, I certainly AM simplifying.

iLander, speaking of simplifying, I certainly can agree with what you said. As I said, I haven't read Dr. Laura, nor have I heard her on the radio with the exception of one time in the car when my boss wanted to listen to her. I'll take your word for it that she's condescending (and I've certainly heard that), but I also think she simplifies because she's speaking to a very broad general audience - which would be the same one I speak about above.

I know my brother would never go out and seek Dr. Laura for marriage advice...he'd go to a good counselor! But I think he's a good husband because he's proactive, and likes to read books on keeping marriages healthy from many sources and takes what he believes is helpful and internalizes. I don't know many men, who, while out on disability (he had knee surgery) sits there with his leg cranked up in a sling and reads marriage books - when the marriage is actually great! He always says it's better to be proactive than reactive.

I mean, let's take the bit of advice that iLander put up from Dr. Laura: that man is a "very simple creature," who needs only "direct communication, respect, appreciation, food, and good loving." Oversimplified, and I can see why women AND men might take offense to this (women, especially, the sentences that come after this in iLander's post). But if I were to take this and apply it to TGuy, who I hope isn't some caveman that wants a doormat for a wife, I do think this does indeed apply on a most basic level.

I don't make dinner for him every night, and he certainly doesn't EXPECT me to! He's happy to just eat bread or crack open a can of soup...and can even make dinner for himself (pasta) if he has to. But I have noticed he's markedly HAPPIER if I do make dinner. And appreciative. I know he hates reading minds and does appreciate it when I communicate with him directly about my needs. I've already made my point about respect and appreciation in my previous post and yes, I do think many men also appreciate a good loving!

I'm sure the problem arises for many people at the method Dr. Laura lays out for achieving the above. Most women would balk (myself included) at giving your man loving when you aren't in the mood. And "caring for your children without complaint?" Pah...as if they are only MY responsibility!

HOWEVER, my guess is that this advice is geared with the assumption that you married your spouse for a REASON...that you get along, have a bit in common and that you love each other. That, for me, would imply that my husband appreciates my intellect and all those other things that the more feminist side of me values. The advice above isn't how to GET a man, it's how to keep the one you have happy once you've gotten him. If I were to follow the above advice (even the ridiculous stuff), my guess is that my husband would be in a great mood and RETURN THE GOODWILL IN KIND. Meaning, I make him feel good, and because he loves me, he'd want to make me feel good and make me happy. It would be the endless cycle that I see in my brother and his wife where they are constantly thinking of how to make the other's life easier, and how to make the other feel loved and respected.

The problem is there ARE people who are so horribly selfish and they are such takers, advice like this would never work - only making the women doormats. A friend of mine is married to one...she can do all these things (and she usually does with a smile) and her husband will take that inch and make it a mile because he lives for his OWN fun. Then this isn't about how to make your marriage work better - it's about, I'm sorry dear...but you really married someone who isn't capable of understanding what a marriage and a partnership is.

 

[Jennifer W]

TGal, I never considered J and I to be any sort of social exception (well, not this one ) and our lifestyles and attitudes are pretty much in tune with the other couples we know, the people we work alongside and our families. In the place where we live, we're very much the norm. Even my parents would be horrified by Dr Laura and they're fairly traditional in many ways. My grandmothers wouldn't have had much truck with it either, from what I recall of them.

Until I started reading beyond RT, I didn't realise that the relationship I live in is probably not the norm in the US (because that's where most of the people who post here live). There are many attitudes that are held as the norm (not just about men and women) by folks here that really surprise me. I expect there are as many things that my friends and I would say or believe that would raise eyebrows amongst PSers. The only conclusion I'm reaching is that there is a lot of cultural expectation built into a generalisation. As I say, it's going to be hard to find a copy of Dr Laura's book in Glasgow (unless it's shelved under 'humour').

If you took the simple creature needing only....etc statement, it would apply to me as well as to J. It applies equally well and equally badly to both of us. If I followed the advice and included the ridiculous stuff, I have a feeling that my marriage would be short lived thereafter. It's just too far from what we both need and want.

In the context of advice to newlyweds, I suppose all I can conclude from it all is that you need to make sure you're on exactly the same page with this dynamic of your relationship, which ever approach you agree to take as a couple.

ETA I make dinner every night. Anyone who read the 'MEN' thread will know that the alternative is just too horrible to contemplate.

(and edited again for clarity - I'm drinking red wine...)

 

[Jennifer W]

I believe it is worth the extra money to go to a psychiatrist, they are trained as extensively as an MD.

I should hope so since psychiatrists are MDs.
Just to clarify, psychiatrists are in fact medical doctors, and they differ from psychologists/therapists/counselors in that they did go through medical training and can also prescribe you medications if appropriate.

Yes, I just though it would be confusing to some people if I said they were MD's.

Do you happen to know what the qualifications are to be called a psychologist? I don't, so could you please enlighten?

In the UK, a chartered psychologist has a Bachelor's degree in psychology, usually with upper second or first class honours. Depending on the faculty, it will generally be either B.A(Hons) or BSc(Hons). If the course is recognised by the professional body, the British Psychological Society (BPS), it gives the graduate basis for registration with them and allows certain supervised practice roles, the main being Assistant Psychologist. Clinical, forensic and some educational psychologists will have a Doctorate in their specialism, and others will have a Masters Degree (M.A./M.Sc.) or both. I think clinical psychologists employed by the NHS must have the clinical doctorate. Unless you studied at Glasgow University (and possibly St Andrews?) which award an M.A.Hons in Psychology.

As far as I'm aware, the word 'psychologist' isn't protected as a job title, in the way that teacher or lawyer or surgeon is. Anyone can have a go, but you need to go through the training and registration process to be recognised by the BPS. Not sure - this may have changed since I worked as an Assistant Psychologist.

 

[Haven]

I just read this in today's NYTimes:

"The Happy Marriage is the 'Me' Marriage" by Tara Parker-Pope
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper

Worth a read, I'd say. I like the concept of self-expansion being related to happiness in marriage.

 

[Jennifer W]

I just read this in today's NYTimes:

"The Happy Marriage is the 'Me' Marriage" by Tara Parker-Pope
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper

Worth a read, I'd say. I like the concept of self-expansion being related to happiness in marriage.

Yes, I can relate to this to a much greater extent.

I'm still keen to try the saran wrap and builders' supplies, though.

 

[CaliSun]

I just read this in today's NYTimes:

"The Happy Marriage is the 'Me' Marriage" by Tara Parker-Pope
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper

Worth a read, I'd say. I like the concept of self-expansion being related to happiness in marriage.

Worth a read, indeed! Thanks for sharing. Being supportive and growing together over the years is important.

And can I just add as an aside... woah, I never even HEARD of Dr. Laura until this thread!

 

[davi_el_mejor]

I just read this in today's NYTimes:

"The Happy Marriage is the 'Me' Marriage" by Tara Parker-Pope
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper

Worth a read, I'd say. I like the concept of self-expansion being related to happiness in marriage.

Worth a read, indeed! Thanks for sharing. Being supportive and growing together over the years is important.

And can I just add as an aside... woah, I never even HEARD of Dr. Laura until this thread!

Lucky you!

 

[NOYFB]

+1

 

[rosetta]

I never heard of Dr Laura before either. What a loon.

I have a sneaking suspicion that my relationship with FI resembles Jen W's.

Could it be beacause we occupy the same modestly sized, rather chilly ole island?

 

[Jennifer W]

Do we? Hey, are you within drinking-distance of Glasgow?