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Were you surprised by being obsessed about tiny details?

KA

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 14, 2011
Messages
127
So I have been surprised by my reaction since I got engaged. I never thought I wanted a wedding with the perfect flowers, dress, center pieces, china etc. In fact, I expected to just want to go to the courthouse and get married. I am indian. I never dreamed of a fairy tale dress and stuff.

So why am I so obsessed with it now? I don't even have to do a wedding. My parents are doing a wedding in India, and in theory, we could just not have a wedding here. Ok, so his family wants something here too, since most of them can't go to India. But we could just throw an informal party and be done with it. But now the wedding bug seems to have bitten me, and I want a dress and a wedding and a reception and a photographer. And I am surprised by it daily. I could save so much time and money if I didn't want all that. We went and checked out reception venues last week, and I was like,"that carpet is ugly" and "this room doesn't have windows." And part of me is thinking,"Who is this person? You used to laugh at brides who behaved like this, and now look at you." Did this happen to you? Did you think you would be laid back, and turns out that you aren't? Did the fever subside, or did the craziness last? Did you think it was worth it to obsess, or did you look back on the insanity with regret?
 

jstarfireb

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
6,232
You sound a lot like me (right down to some of your dress preferences, e.g. no train, simple fitted dress, not strapless...). I never even cared about getting married and never dreamed of a fairy-tale wedding. I thought an elopement would have been fine...until it actually came time to get married, and then I had an exact vision of the wedding I wanted. I think (and I hope!) that I wasn't too obsessive about most of the details, but there were certain times when I disagreed with my parents and had to be pretty assertive. I wrote my ceremony and had my friend officiate. I chose the musical selections for every important part of the ceremony and reception (including sending mp3s to the DJ when they didn't have songs I wanted! I'm a musician so that was super-important to me.). I also DIY'd my invitations, programs, table numbers, and favors. I think it was totally worth the effort because I got the wedding I wanted, not the wedding my parents or whoever else wanted. It's your wedding, so make it yours! Everyone else can go crazy with planning the others, but this is your chance to express yourself.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Yes. I spent hours in Michaels agonizing over ribbon. I have no idea why. No one noticed the ribbon on the favors. I don't even remember the ribbon myself.

I know one bride who was planning her wedding at the same time I was who spent 2 weeks debating 10 point or 11 point font.

Another bride I know STRESSED so much over her shoes she ended up with 8 pairs.

Nature of the beast. That's how you end up a bridezilla. You care about EVERYTHING SO MUCH. And spend all your time thinking about wedding stuff... until ALL YOU CAN TALK ABOUT is the wedding. And you don't understand that NO ONE CARES as much as you do about this wedding. And you certainly don't understand that they aren't REQUIRED to care as much as you do. And none of them... not your groom or your attendants... will care as much as you do. And it starts to bug you that NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. So you spend all your time talking to other brides on theknot. They are crazy too. So all of you feed each other's neurosis. And the next thing you know you are requiring you bridesmaids to get breast implants so they "match" (true story-- it was in a magazine) and you are firing your MOH because she had the NERVE to get pregnant.

It's a slippery slope my friend. Before you know it you are at the bottom. One good thing about BWW we have a lot of former brides who will try to keep you sane and try to give you perspective.
 

KA

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 14, 2011
Messages
127
Yeah, it is kind of weird, this personality shift. I am obsessive in general about some stuff, I just never expected to be about the wedding. The problem is that I want the wedding to be reasonably priced, nice, and easy. And all three are not possible at once. Oh well. I am hoping that once I pick a reception venue, a dress and a photographer, I'll be more laid back. I hopefully won't obsess about place settings, and ribbons. Although, I was recently thinking about colored table cloths at the reception. I hope this weirdness ends. At least I don't have to worry about pleasing any one else. My parents are having their wedding (well our wedding, but they are in total control) in India. We are paying for the one in the US ourselves, so while I have to keep an eye on the budget, no one gets to tell me what to do :) Well, my fiance has a say, but we usually agree (or so he pretends).
 

vc10um

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
6,006
KA, I direct you here for 17 pages of perfectly normal girls obsessing over teensy little details.

I knew from the beginning, though, that it was going to be the little things that were going to put me over the edge, because it's where I would always notice a wedding was *lacking*. So, whether or not it only made a difference to ME, if it made a difference, I cared, and I obsessed. And I combed etsy. And google. And google images. And that meant semi or completely DIY-ing Save the Dates, invitations, favors, table numbers, centerpieces...

But in the end, for me, it was worth it. I made sure everything *I* did was photographed and I don't feel like I *missed* anything. To me, our wedding was whole and complete and I loved it.
 

sillyberry

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,792
I started the "stupid stuff" thread vc linked to and now, in retrospect, I really wish I had cared a lot less!

Guests of our wedding have told me how much they loved the personal and intimate ceremony, how good the food was, and that the location was beautiful and special. Honestly, no one really cared about pretty much anything I obsessed over for MONTHS. It's a cold hard reality. No one noticed that the table signs perfectly coordinated with the invitations. I am the only person who cares that the linens were wrong and the cake table was ugly. No one else. Okay, my mother does, but that's a whole different story.

I've been to two weddings in the last month, and what I've remembered most is how much fun people were having. No adorably crafted favors and the centerpieces were kind of lame? Whatever.The dance floors were packed and the brides looked radiant and they got married. And thus they were awesome. I wish someone had shouted that at me more often over the past year. I don't know if it would have helped (probably not), but man I wish I had the wisdom I had now then.
 

KA

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 14, 2011
Messages
127
Alright, all this helps. Right now I am obsessing about the reception venue, and it seems like a reasonable thing to obsess over. It seems to me that windows in the room for a reasonable price isn't too much to ask. The ones which we have seen so far have one or more of the following problems:

1. No windows.
2. Really cool natural lighting, but is a hunting lodge. Bear skins on the walls and an antler chandelier. Quirky but not my style.
3. Too expensive.
4. In a rather sketchy area. Well, not crime ridden, but graffiti and boarded up windows in nearby buildings.

The problem is not that there aren't decent reception venues, but that getting a decent reception venue, indian food, and reasonable price all together seems difficult. I feel like wanting these things is not too much to ask for, but is that the craziness coming out? Windows are not too much to ask for, are they?
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
None of the things you're mentioning seem like tiny details, but hey, maybe I'm an (ex-) bridezilla. I mean, you want your venue to be nice, right? You have to have a venue that you like. I would get a venue with windows, too.

Napkin colors, favor flavors, gluing crystals on the soles of your Louboutins for the photographs...yeah, at that point you can start talking about detail obsession. But food and venue...nah.

I hope you find what you are looking for!
 

iheartbora

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 17, 2008
Messages
220
sillyberry|1316451672|3020704 said:
I started the "stupid stuff" thread vc linked to and now, in retrospect, I really wish I had cared a lot less!

Guests of our wedding have told me how much they loved the personal and intimate ceremony, how good the food was, and that the location was beautiful and special. Honestly, no one really cared about pretty much anything I obsessed over for MONTHS. It's a cold hard reality. No one noticed that the table signs perfectly coordinated with the invitations. I am the only person who cares that the linens were wrong and the cake table was ugly. No one else. Okay, my mother does, but that's a whole different story.

I've been to two weddings in the last month, and what I've remembered most is how much fun people were having. No adorably crafted favors and the centerpieces were kind of lame? Whatever.The dance floors were packed and the brides looked radiant and they got married. And thus they were awesome. I wish someone had shouted that at me more often over the past year. I don't know if it would have helped (probably not), but man I wish I had the wisdom I had now then.
Thank you for this!! I NEED to keep reminding myself not to stress or over think the small details. Wedding is one day in your life, but marriage lasts a lifetime...there are certainly more important things in life than favours and centerpieces.

KA...yes I'm also surprised at how much time I end up spending on things that I thought I wouldn't care about. I would tell my friends that invites are on my super low priority list, but then I turn around to find myself spending days just browsing through invite websites. Argh!! :nono:
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
KA|1316459298|3020825 said:
Alright, all this helps. Right now I am obsessing about the reception venue, and it seems like a reasonable thing to obsess over. It seems to me that windows in the room for a reasonable price isn't too much to ask. The ones which we have seen so far have one or more of the following problems:

1. No windows.
2. Really cool natural lighting, but is a hunting lodge. Bear skins on the walls and an antler chandelier. Quirky but not my style.
3. Too expensive.
4. In a rather sketchy area. Well, not crime ridden, but graffiti and boarded up windows in nearby buildings.

The problem is not that there aren't decent reception venues, but that getting a decent reception venue, indian food, and reasonable price all together seems difficult. I feel like wanting these things is not too much to ask for, but is that the craziness coming out? Windows are not too much to ask for, are they?

you might not be able to find the /perfect/ venue. I also really wanted a venue with windows after seeing a stunning venue but other factors such as ceremony and reception in same place and location were more important to me, so no windows :(

I would visit the reasonable venues in your area and weigh the pros and cons of each...I'm sure you will find something that will work for the wedding!
 
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