We''re having a tiny wedding in Paris!

[diamondfan]

Hell yes, and to this day too...when my father in law was alive he did stuff, and my mother in law is a piece of work. When I had my first child and it became important to lay down laws to protect my child, we had it out. She knows that if she wants to see the kids and be in home she had better mind her p''s and q''s. I will not take any crap. She can think what she wants but she had better follow what is important to me. My mother in law and father in law were controlling and manipulative. They would comment on what we spent on things, always were in our business...and my hubby helped them through a tough time financially, so I felt what we did was not their business. I got tough. And my mother in law is treated quite well by us, so she has learned to behave or lose out in the long run.

 

[Harriet]

Does she say too much?

 

[diamondfan]

In what context?

 

[Harriet]

Well, mine has opinions about everything which she expresses as fact.

 

[diamondfan]

Mine is the worst combo of a know not much who thinks she is an authority on all matters. I just listen, say "Hum" and keep going. I do not let her have any influence on decisions. If she puts her two cents in, I say thanks for the input and do things the way I intend. If she comments afterward, I say, oh, we did it the way we thought best. I do not mislead her, after too many incidents where I tried to be nice about things and let her give me her view and she assumed that meant I was doing it HER way. Now I am pleasant but firm and she knows that she is not going to get her way.

 

[Harriet]

Good for you! She doesn''t happen to be, um, thrifty as well, does she?

 

[diamondfan]

She is cheap with HER money but very extravagant with ours. Nothing is too good for her is we pay for it. If we take her on a trip, we have to fly her (we pay for everything) first class to the destination or fly her first class to us so she can go with us privately. We take her on amazing trips where she is treated like a queen and she acts as if she is better than others which makes me crazy. She routinely demands expensive gifts, and then proceeds to complain excessively about them, things she chose, til you want to scream. She thinks she has amazing taste. She also is horrified at what certain things cost. I used to shop with her when she came to visit, but she would see the bill when I signed and go on and on about how could THAT cost so much? It was embarrassing to me. She loves to shop at Outlet malls, which is fine, but I have no wish to go to them and she always wants me to when she comes to visit. She thinks my children are spoiled so she never gives them anything, since they have it all, why should she, according to her. She grew up in Europe during WW II so I understand some of her issues, but she is only well treated and cared for by us, yet manages to act miserable. Not pleasant. But I just become a Stepford Wife and let her comment while ignoring her, she is happy because she gets to talk, and I know I am going to do what is right in the end anyway.

 

[Harriet]

How do you ignore her? I haven''t learnt that lesson.

 

[diamondfan]

I tune it out. I know she has to be the authority about all things, even when she is wrong (god forbid she ever admit it, even when caught dead to rights about something)...and it does not impact me anyway, so I just let her talk. When the time comes to do something, I just do it, and if she has commentary after I say, "Oh well, it''s over with now." I learned if I gave her an inch she would take a mile, she has no sense of boundaries, and this is the best way for all concerned. Hubby needs to feel he tries to accomodate her, and I need to contain her and her attitudes. She has said very inappropriate things to my kids knowing full well I am against those views, but she likes to get a rise out of me like a child would to his parents. The best approach with her is to keep her in an acceptable limited arena. However, she does not realize that this is what is going on, or she would push even harder. It is like having a 4 year old in a 70 year old body!

 

[Harriet]

It''s a good thing she doesn''t live with you.

 

[diamondfan]

She would not ever live with me, that I could not stand. I have told dh I will provide round the clock in home care for her or pay for the best private facility, but do not think living here would be good for anyone!