Walking away.

[Gypsy]

Firey, I''m not going to leave. But I probably will never be a regular poster on here (you never know though). I think that if you have been someplace another has, and have opted to stay, you can say that. I''m not saying be honest if that''s what you did in the same situation. But saying, "I''m sorry honey for what you going through and it''s a crappy place to be. I stayed when I was in that situation myself, and it turned out _____ way. But that''s now always how it turns out. I''ll be thinking of you." is very different from, "OH! It''s okay ALL guys are like that, you have to just be patient and wait for the clouds to dissapear cause it can''t rain forever!"... ya know?

Girly, your av, yoru name etc, are of course your bussiness. I was just stating a fact, they do implicate certain things. And while of course we shouldn''t judge books by their covers, sometimes it happens. As for opinions being wrong. But gonna argue semantics with you. But I will say that regardless of whether or NOT opinions can be wrong, the ''facts'' they are based on could be incorrect or misconstrued, or whatever.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 4/2/2009 2:16:40 PM
Author: decodelighted


If you haven''t directly experienced an ''easy'', fully mutual loving relationship where both people are on the same page and navigating toward the same harbor -- you don''t know how WORTH waiting for that is. How *anything* less is going to make the rocky, complicated landscape of marriage + life''s epic challenges = impossible.

DITTO!!!

I am more likely to advise people to leave, I think. I think this is because I did it, and it was THE BEST THING I EVER DID. Ever. If I hadn''t, I dont even want to know where my life would be right now. Makes me shudder.

I guess I just get sad for women who think that some lame-a$$ guy is the best she can do, that she doesn''t deserve to get back the love and excitement for the future that she gives out.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/2/2009 4:58:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Put your big girl panties on. Period.

You love saying that. But I can''t help but wonder....have you ever gotten yours on yet?

lol

 

[tlh]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:06:19 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 4/2/2009 4:58:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Put your big girl panties on. Period.

You love saying that. But I can''t help but wonder....have you ever gotten yours on yet?

lol

are these like the "ladies days" undies???

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:16:53 PM
Author: tlh

Date: 4/2/2009 5:06:19 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 4/2/2009 4:58:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Put your big girl panties on. Period.

You love saying that. But I can''t help but wonder....have you ever gotten yours on yet?

lol

are these like the ''ladies days'' undies???

lol tlh!!

 

[girlie-girl]

Date: 4/2/2009 4:58:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Put your big girl panties on. Period.

I don''t know what has made you so bitter, but lately you''ve been making short, hurtful comments just like this and I refuse to allow you to bully me like that. You are no better than any of the other members here, so get over yourself. Why do you find such a need to be so rude? Do you honestly think it''s constructive? You are proving my point of being jumped with each of your responses.

Gypsy I don''t really think "girlie-girl" implicates anything other than being feminine.... a real "girlie" girl. How it''s interpreted to mean I''m young and stupid is beyond me. And my avatar? LOL It''s a blonde girl in a pink outfit... which is pretty girlie, don''t ya think? LOL

 

[purrfectpear]

Let''s just say I don''t tolerate fools gladly and leave it at that shall we?

Some days I have the patience for whinging and "woe is me" "I''ve been wronged" "ya''ll are just picking on me", and some days I''m just fed up with those who thrive on their drama.

Now you''ve said your piece and I''ve said mine

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:28:56 PM
Author: girlie-girl

Date: 4/2/2009 4:58:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Put your big girl panties on. Period.

I don''t know what has made you so bitter, but lately you''ve been making short, hurtful comments just like this and I refuse to allow you to bully me like that. You are no better than any of the other members here, so get over yourself. Why do you find such a need to be so rude? Do you honestly think it''s constructive? You are proving my point of being jumped with each of your responses.

Yep. I too was told the exact same thing by pp when I was upset. I completely agree with you girlie....(but when I fought back to defend myself, it only got worse and somehow made me look like the bad guy in the end...)

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:35:00 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Let''s just say I don''t tolerate fools gladly and leave it at that shall we?

What makes you think the people you are posting that to are ''fools'' ? You are no better.

 

[Haven]

Ladies, if any of you feel like another poster is being inappropriate on a board, please just message admin instead of airing your dirty laundry out on the thread. I don''t personally see anything offensive in Purrfectpear''s post, but if you feel she is crossing a line do respond in the appropriate manner by hitting that little "message admin" button, please. Cattiness is just so unbecoming; it tarnishes the boards.

Gyps--I completely agree that there is a taboo about telling another woman to leave a man, but I have no idea why. My guess is that it''s a combination of social programming, idealism, and pity. It''s hard to tell a very unhappy woman that her relationship sounds like a nightmare and that she''s a fool to stay with him. I think it might be a similar situation to parents who allow their children to eat horrible foods and get fat because they don''t want to say no to them--the parents *know* the food is bad for their kids, but those kids can''t see it for themselves, and all they know is that they *want* that candy and if mommy says "No!" she''s a meanie. It''s easy to see the right thing to do, but it''s harder to do it when the person you''re protecting or helping is going to resent you for it in the moment.

However, I imagine that some of us have been in less-than-ideal relationships, and have then looked back and wished someone would have told us to get the h*ll out of there, but didn''t. I know I''ve been there. I think this might be where the age thing comes in, as we''re more likely to have been-there-done-that when we''re a bit older, and therefore also more likely to have some real-life insight into a poster''s situation. I dated a horrible man for a long time, and nobody said boo about it until *after* we broke up. I felt utterly let down by my loved ones.

This is an interesting thread, Gypsy. Thanks for starting it!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:38:39 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 4/2/2009 5:28:56 PM
Author: girlie-girl

Date: 4/2/2009 4:58:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Put your big girl panties on. Period.

I don''t know what has made you so bitter, but lately you''ve been making short, hurtful comments just like this and I refuse to allow you to bully me like that. You are no better than any of the other members here, so get over yourself. Why do you find such a need to be so rude? Do you honestly think it''s constructive? You are proving my point of being jumped with each of your responses.

Yep. I too was told the exact same thing by pp when I was upset. I completely agree with you girlie....(but when I fought back to defend myself, it only got worse and somehow made me look like the bad guy in the end...)

DG please do not compare yourself to Girlie. Just because you were given valid and honest opinions and didn''t like it (don''t worry a lot of us have learned that lesson) that does not mean that situation compares to this situation. This is between Girlie and PP.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:28:56 PM
Author: girlie-girl

Gypsy I don''t really think ''girlie-girl'' implicates anything other than being feminine.... a real ''girlie'' girl. How it''s interpreted to mean I''m young and stupid is beyond me. And my avatar? LOL It''s a blonde girl in a pink outfit... which is pretty girlie, don''t ya think? LOL

I understand that''s your interpretation. And we could take a poll, but *I* do think that it could also be interpreted that ''girlie-firl'' is a cutsey name more likey to be picked by someone younger... particularly when paired with an AV that looks like 12 year old''s pretty in pink barbie. I think that either of those two ALONE may not give that impression, but together might make a person, incorrectly, assume that the person behind the AV was one of our younger members. But that''s just my opinion.

 

[Haven]

edited

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Gyspy- you are a pretty senior poster, where do you think I should put my thread? I have it written, I just need to post it. Here for the health forum?

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:40:51 PM
Author: Haven
Ladies, if any of you feel like another poster is being inappropriate on a board, please just message admin instead of airing your dirty laundry out on the thread. I don''t personally see anything offensive in Purrfectpear''s post, but if you feel she is crossing a line do respond in the appropriate manner by hitting that little ''message admin'' button, please. Cattiness is just so unbecoming; it tarnishes the boards.

It certainly does tarnish the board. I have ''messaged the admins'' on more than one occasion as of late...the vibes around here have changed A LOT and I feel like something needs to change for the better.

 

[lindsaylove]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:40:51 PM
Author: Haven
Ladies, if any of you feel like another poster is being inappropriate on a board, please just message admin instead of airing your dirty laundry out on the thread. I don''t personally see anything offensive in Purrfectpear''s post, but if you feel she is crossing a line do respond in the appropriate manner by hitting that little ''message admin'' button, please. Cattiness is just so unbecoming; it tarnishes the boards.

Gyps--I completely agree that there is a taboo about telling another woman to leave a man, but I have no idea why. My guess is that it''s a combination of social programming, idealism, and pity. It''s hard to tell a very unhappy woman that her relationship sounds like a nightmare and that she''s a fool to stay with him. I think it might be a similar situation to parents who allow their children to eat horrible foods and get fat because they don''t want to say no to them--the parents *know* the food is bad for their kids, but those kids can''t see it for themselves, and all they know is that they *want* that candy and if mommy says ''No!'' she''s a meanie. It''s easy to see the right thing to do, but it''s harder to do it when the person you''re protecting or helping is going to resent you for it in the moment.

However, I imagine that some of us have been in less-than-ideal relationships, and have then looked back and wished someone would have told us to get the h*ll out of there, but didn''t. I know I''ve been there. I think this might be where the age thing comes in, as we''re more likely to have been-there-done-that when we''re a bit older, and therefore also more likely to have some real-life insight into a poster''s situation. I dated a horrible man for a long time, and nobody said boo about it until *after* we broke up. I felt utterly let down by my loved ones.

This is an interesting thread, Gypsy. Thanks for starting it!

Ditto to every word - perfectly put.

 

[happydreams]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:35:00 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Let''s just say I don''t tolerate fools gladly and leave it at that shall we?

Some days I have the patience for whinging and ''woe is me'' ''I''ve been wronged'' ''ya''ll are just picking on me'', and some days I''m just fed up with those who thrive on their drama.

Now you''ve said your piece and I''ve said mine

Woah. I thought you said you were over 40. What''s with the immature comments? I thought you were supposed to be older and wiser?

I agree that while the panty comment is hilarious, it just make me roll my eyes each time I see it. That one instance you said it to DG literally made me cringe.

I post on this website seldomly for a good reason ( I stay a silent observer) - any heated topic turns into a catfight or some sort of arguement that goes in circles. Case in point: I am not sure why the one "mean" comment I made on CF''s post seems to get circulated to another thread. It''s an opinion, not a deeply wounding comment.

 

[girlie-girl]

Thing is that I''ve not been like that and you decided to treat me like that anyway. So, I don''t appreciate you insinuating I''m a fool or any of the rest of it.

Just because you are lacking patience and tact does not give you carte blanche right to say whatever you want to people. Perhaps when you''re feeling that way you ought to refrain from posting. Didn''t your mother teach you if you don''t have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all? If not, she should have and it''s not too late to heed the advice.

And I think it''s funny PP is allowed to demean and talk down to people... no worries. Thread reported.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:45:35 PM
Author: girlie-girl
Thing is that I''ve not been like that and you decided to treat me like that anyway. So, I don''t appreciate you insinuating I''m a fool or any of the rest of it.

Just because you are lacking patience and tact does not give you carte blanche right to say whatever you want to people. Perhaps when you''re feeling that way you ought to refrain from posting. Didn''t your mother teach you if you don''t have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all? If not, she should have and it''s not too late to heed the advice.

And I think it''s funny PP is allowed to demean and talk down to people... no worries. Thread reported.

On more than one occasion...

 

[daydreamer]

Date: 4/2/2009 1:47:43 PM
Author:Gypsy

And I have a question. Why does it seem to be such a taboo to tell another woman to leave a man? Why does it seem that women are always advising others to ''be patient'' and to ''put up'' with the crap that comes their way? It doesn''t matter if the woman is being unreasonable and demanding, the guy is being a a jerk, or if the two just aren''t right for each other through no one''s fault. It always seems to be ''be patient''....

Because it''s counterproductive. Everyone needs to come to such a decision on their own and in their own time and it''s generally more helpful to help people to think through their situation than to pronounce judgement on them and their life. The latter only leads to defensiveness and frequently prolongs the bad situation.

That said, in my short time here, I haven''t seen many instances of bad relationships on this forum. No one is justifying cheating, only one thread involved abuse, none about addiction. There haven''t even been many instances of benign neglect/lack of support/refusal to share lives either.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:43:36 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
Gyspy- you are a pretty senior poster, where do you think I should put my thread? I have it written, I just need to post it. Here for the health forum?

For what my opinion is worth... I think here is a good place, personally. I think it''s also where it might help the most, since you are extrapolating from something to apply to emotional issues often seen on this board.

As for senior. LOL. Should I apply for the Tuesday discount at my local grocery store? It was much nicer than saying "big-mouthed" which is probably closer to the truth.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I didn''t mean it in that way, it is like being a senior in college

 

[girlie-girl]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:43:05 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 4/2/2009 5:28:56 PM
Author: girlie-girl

Gypsy I don''t really think ''girlie-girl'' implicates anything other than being feminine.... a real ''girlie'' girl. How it''s interpreted to mean I''m young and stupid is beyond me. And my avatar? LOL It''s a blonde girl in a pink outfit... which is pretty girlie, don''t ya think? LOL

I understand that''s your interpretation. And we could take a poll, but *I* do think that it could also be interpreted that ''girlie-firl'' is a cutsey name more likey to be picked by someone younger... particularly when paired with an AV that looks like 12 year old''s pretty in pink barbie. I think that either of those two ALONE may not give that impression, but together might make a person, incorrectly, assume that the person behind the AV was one of our younger members. But that''s just my opinion.

Wow... a judgemental bunch here aren''t we.

You know what they say about assuming...

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:47:32 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 4/2/2009 5:45:35 PM

Author: girlie-girl

Thing is that I''ve not been like that and you decided to treat me like that anyway. So, I don''t appreciate you insinuating I''m a fool or any of the rest of it.


Just because you are lacking patience and tact does not give you carte blanche right to say whatever you want to people. Perhaps when you''re feeling that way you ought to refrain from posting. Didn''t your mother teach you if you don''t have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all? If not, she should have and it''s not too late to heed the advice.

And I think it''s funny PP is allowed to demean and talk down to people... no worries. Thread reported.

On more than one occasion...

quit stirring the pot, dreamgirl.

you probably think that my post is coming out of left field. well... i''ve been quietly observing your antics and let''s just say they''re getting old.

knock it off

 

[Dreamgirl]

well girlie- if it makes you feel any better, I didn''t ever think you were a ''younger'' poster. I usually never assume anything like that on any poster because of situations just like this!

 

[ilovesparkles]

THANK YOU HAVEN! Amen!

Girlie and Freke, once upon a time, I was in a bad relationship. And people were giving me advice. And I asked one of those naive questions young girls sometimes do, and it was at this point in time, that some one decided to make fun of my name. Seriously?! First of all, its a diamond forum, all of us here like sparkly things. And second, kick me while I''m down why don''t ya!

I am so sick and tired of the rude cruelty around here. On the other hand, I am also perturbed at the number of posts that are depressing, sad, and turn into therapy sessions. Now I have held back on this comment because 3 years ago, I was that poster. But so help me *** I never will be again. The purpose of this forum is for happy LIW, not people that need couples therapy.

There, I said my peace, now I shall return to looking at of erings!

 

[Gypsy]

Day dreamer, I don''t agree with you, but I really respect your well thought out and eloquent post and your opinion.

Haven, I''ve been there too. And afterward people referred to him as a ''cancer'' and what not and I was like???? I was in an agony of indecision for YEARS over this guy WHY didn''t you say anything sooner? God knows I gave you the opportunity to every time I vented, or complained or came for advice! I felt very let down by my loved ones. And it took some pretty bad crap to get me to walk away, and I HONESTLY would have walked away before the sh*t hit the fan, if just one person had taken me aside and told me that I could, and SHOULD not put up him, and that I had a DUTY to myself to walk away. But, no one ever did, until he was gone. But it taught me something. I have to look out for me. And what I appreciate about this forum, and I''ve seen it time and time again in my own life, is that the ladies here WILL tell me things that people in my ''real'' life won''t. And while it''s hard to hear the things said sometimes, I have grown as a person thanks to the support and the criticism I''ve recieved here.

 

[Haven]

There is a difference between being blunt and being offensive or demeaning.

gg--I reported your response to pp in which you called her "bitter" and told her to "get over yourself." That post violated etiquette guidelines 4 (personal attack) & 6 (inflammatory and obnoxious behavior,) in my opinion. It sounds like there is a history here that I have no knowledge of, but I that doesn't make it okay for you to call another poster names.

I tried to find something similarly offensive in pp's posts, but couldn't.

ETA: I think everyone will agree that using a bit of discretion (or, dare I say *prudence*) before posting will quite possibly save you some embarrassment in the long run. I got into a silly tiff with musey a loooong time ago, and for whatever reason I didn't let it go and we went back and forth for a bit. I was mortified when I re-read the whole thing the next week. Luckily, musey is one classy lady and didn't hold it against me.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:57:59 PM
Author: Haven
There is a difference between being blunt and being offensive or demeaning.

gg--I reported your response to pp in which you called her ''bitter'' and told her to ''get over yourself.'' That post violated etiquette guidelines 4 (personal attack) & 6 (inflammatory and obnoxious behavior,) in my opinion. It sounds like there is a history here that I have no knowledge of, but I that doesn''t make it okay for you to call another poster names.

I tried to find something similarly offensive in pp''s posts, but couldn''t.

SPOT ON!!! I lacked the patience to find the right words -- but know them when I see ''em.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:51:33 PM
Author: girlie-girl

Date: 4/2/2009 5:43:05 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 4/2/2009 5:28:56 PM
Author: girlie-girl

Gypsy I don't really think 'girlie-girl' implicates anything other than being feminine.... a real 'girlie' girl. How it's interpreted to mean I'm young and stupid is beyond me. And my avatar? LOL It's a blonde girl in a pink outfit... which is pretty girlie, don't ya think? LOL

I understand that's your interpretation. And we could take a poll, but *I* do think that it could also be interpreted that 'girlie-firl' is a cutsey name more likey to be picked by someone younger... particularly when paired with an AV that looks like 12 year old's pretty in pink barbie. I think that either of those two ALONE may not give that impression, but together might make a person, incorrectly, assume that the person behind the AV was one of our younger members. But that's just my opinion.

Wow... a judgemental bunch here aren't we.

You know what they say about assuming...

It's funny. I post an opinion (and not even my own! I was just trying to give you some perspective on how it could be construed) you disagree with and I'm suddenly judgemental. Someone else posts and opinion that disagrees with you and you are being picked on and treated unfairly? Just so we're clear, that's what you are saying right? Cause that's EXACTLY what your posts in this thread say.

And Dream, I agree with Charger.