Upset at Hen''s Night- (Long story)

[loveisblind]

So I had my Hen''s night, last Saturday night at a theme restaurant filled with other Hen''s nights, with a magician, drag queen singer and 4 course meal.
All in all it was a great however, I was a bit upset at what two of my guest''s did.

First of all it was raining pretty hard, and all up I was meant to have 11 guests. When I arrived at 7.30pm , 9 guests had arrived and we were all seated - 2 were missing ( both are partners of my fiance''s friends).
We sit and wait for the arrival of our other 2 guests. We wait 20 mins. The waiters/ waitresses keep asking if we are ready to order, and finally after having waited we order. The night went well with 2 empty spots on our table till about 9pm.

At 9pm, after about 3 cocktails I made my way to the toilet, and upon opening the door to my surprise I found my two missing guests standing there. My first response was " wow.. what are you doing here... gee.. when I first saw you I thought you were from another hen''s night". They gave their excuse that they had waited 1.5 hours for a taxi ( the venue is a 30min drive from there house). We exchanged a hug and a kiss and I said " We have already had our entree, but I''ll see if I can get mains organised for you" to which they replied "great!" I return to my seat and they remain in the toilet.

Five minutes later I see them both exiting the resteraunt. No reason, No goodbye, No apologies. By this stage the staff had reset the table, after waiting 10mins for them to return I had to explain to the waiters that I did not know if they would be returning. I was really upset and embarrased . I did not have their numbers, as they were my fiances friends.I became teary in front of family and friends, because I was confused by what had happended.

Two days later , I asked my fiance if he could contact them to find out what had happened. He finally got an email today from one of the girls he also works with this is what it said:

"Hey (Fiances Name),

Hope you had fun on your buck’s night.

Yeah (name of friend) and I made the effort to go all the way to Kings Cross for the hens, saw Dimity and she asked what we were we doing there, and were we we there for another hen’s night? Not sure if she has has a few drinks or what was going on, but we were both a little offended after we had made the effort to go.

Sorry we probably should have handled it a bit better and not left the way that we did but we didn’t feel that welcome.

Did you have a good night? "

I was really upset coz I was literlly suprised by the fact they turned up 1.5hours late and didn''t seem offended when i said I would get there mains organised. I tried calling one of them, but she wouldn''t take my call. So fuming I sent an email which said,

Hi (Girls name),

I was forwarded your email from (fiance''s name), because I was upset by your quiet
departure at my Hen''s on Saturday, in fact I was more than upset I was
embarrassd in front of resteraunt staff and became teary in front of
family and friends. Bad enough that you arrived 1.5 hours late to a
sit down meal, bit then after I was greeted by you , surprisingly
outside the toilet out of all places and said " gee I am so suprised,
I thought you were from another hens party when I saw you " and then
hear your excuse to which I replied after a kiss and a hug " we have
already had our entre''s I''ll try and get mains organized for you " to
your response of " great! " I didn''t sense that I had offended you.
I was confused when I saw you and (girls name) leaving without notice. I was
left to pay the bill for both your absenses.
And also left to try and explain what happened to staff at the
resteraunt who had set , unset and reset and unset your places at the
table.

I must say I had a great night, even with your absense. Sure, I
probably could have rephrased my words when I met you however, I , as
any bride to be would have, I had a few drinks by 9pm a night.

How you and (girls name) behaved was really rude, disrespectable and
inapproproate. If you do still intend on coming to my wedding please
do not behave in such a manner and don''t expect me to show overt
friendliness towards you.

My fiancé would still really like you and your husband, his
friend to come to our wedding. However should you wish not to come
please let us know as soon as possible so we can arrange for someone
else to come, who would actually want to be there.

Regards,
(my name)
Mobile number

Am I just becoming a Bridezilla? Or would you too be offended. My wedding is in 2 weeks and I rather they did not turn up, after how they behaved. What do yuu think?

 

[Miya03]

Your letter is going to cause more drama than necessary, whether these girls deserve it or not. It is really too late to re-ask them if they are going to come--you have to assume that if they said they would, that they will. Don''t let the two of them spoil your day--just hold your head up, greet them nicely if they do come, and feel free to drop them as friends if they don''t. It is up to you to be the bigger person here, if you don''t it will create more unnecessary drama, not only for you, but for your fiance as well.

That said, I think what they did shows a serious lack of class, and I''m sorry you had to deal with it on what should have been a fun and drama-free night!

 

[missjaxon]

I am so sorry that you had to deal with that kind of drama on your hens night, however I think the e-mail will only make things worse. In my opinion your best bet is to just disregard these two extremely rude guests and avoid any other contact with them in the future. Since they aren''t close friends or family just let them be and remember that your wedding day is about you and your fiance. If your fiance wants to say something to his friends, leave that to him. I hope that you have a very special wedding day and that you can put this behind you and celebrate with your friends and family and most importantly your fiance.

 

[honey22]

To be honest, yes. You sound incredibly condescending when you talk about their expected behaviour at your wedding. Sure, they acted like b*tches, but let it go. It''s really not worth making a big deal over. The part about not showing friendliness is bordering on ridiculous quite frankly. Don''t waste your time on these women, you have better things to do at the moment, like planning your wedding!

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 2/8/2010 1:05:49 AM
Author:loveisblind
So I had my Hen''s night, last Saturday night at a theme restaurant filled with other Hen''s nights, with a magician, drag queen singer and 4 course meal.
All in all it was a great however, I was a bit upset at what two of my guest''s did.

First of all it was raining pretty hard, and all up I was meant to have 11 guests. When I arrived at 7.30pm , 9 guests had arrived and we were all seated - 2 were missing ( both are partners of my fiance''s friends).

Am I just becoming a Bridezilla? Or would you too be offended. My wedding is in 2 weeks and I rather they did not turn up, after how they behaved. What do yuu think?

Nowhere in your note did you regard these two people as friends (they''re partners of your FI''s friends). I don''t know if this is a situation where you guys have hung out and you planned to do so in the future. I would probably take them off your future "hangout list."

As to whether I would be offended. Probably. But I personally don''t think I would''ve sent the email. People can be mean, immature, etc. And they likely acted inappropriately, but I think you may have fueled the fire in returning their cattiness. Plus, do you really want to use your energy for this kind of drama when you should be focusing on your wedding and happy days ahead?

 

[loveisblind]

Yeah unfortunately I sent the email before I posted. I was just mad, furious and I didn''t really want to pay $130 dollars for them each to come to my wedding after the way they acted.
I probably shouldn''t have said anything however I didn''t want them to walk on me , or make me upset at my wedding.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 2/8/2010 2:19:41 AM
Author: loveisblind
Yeah unfortunately I sent the email before I posted. I was just mad, furious and I didn''t really want to pay $130 dollars for them each to come to my wedding after the way they acted.
I probably shouldn''t have said anything however I didn''t want them to walk on me , or make me upset at my wedding.

If it makes you feel any better i probably would have reacted the same way.

 

[Tuckins1]

Who cares if you are being a bridezilla? Those girls were rude and they deserved every word you said to them. Good for you for being blunt and to the point!

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 2/8/2010 1:05:49 AM
Author:loveisblind
***How you and (girls name) behaved was really rude, disrespectable and
inapproproate. If you do still intend on coming to my wedding please
do not behave in such a manner and don''t expect me to show overt
friendliness towards you.

My fiancé would still really like you and your husband, his
friend to come to our wedding. However should you wish not to come
please let us know as soon as possible so we can arrange for someone
else to come, who would actually want to be there.

Regards,
(my name)
Mobile number

Am I just becoming a Bridezilla? Or would you too be offended. My wedding is in 2 weeks and I rather they did not turn up, after how they behaved. What do yuu think?

You''re joking right? I think that question has been answered

 

[charbie]

i think we all get a bit stressed and short tempered when the wedding gets closer.
was the email you sent necessary? probably not. it could have been written a bit less harsh, but you sure did get your point across, i''m sure.
if i received an email like that, i would for sure NOT be attending that wedding.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 2/8/2010 10:36:03 AM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 2/8/2010 1:05:49 AM
Author:loveisblind
***How you and (girls name) behaved was really rude, disrespectable and
inapproproate. If you do still intend on coming to my wedding please
do not behave in such a manner and don''t expect me to show overt
friendliness towards you.

My fiancé would still really like you and your husband, his
friend to come to our wedding. However should you wish not to come
please let us know as soon as possible so we can arrange for someone
else to come, who would actually want to be there.

Regards,
(my name)
Mobile number

Am I just becoming a Bridezilla? Or would you too be offended. My wedding is in 2 weeks and I rather they did not turn up, after how they behaved. What do yuu think?

You''re joking right? I think that question has been answered

I have to agree with PP. I would''ve taken the "kill them with kindness" route myself.

One thing I always try to remember is that no matter what someone says to me, or how they treat me, in order for me to feel good about myself, I need to remain true to myself. Just because someone is rude to me, doesn''t mean I need to be rude to them back.

Was their behavior uncalled for? Yes. But so was your email. And if you have to ask if it was offensive, then you probably already know it was.

 

[Prana]

I''m going to offer a flip side to this. They arrived late, but they did arrive, and they had a legitimate excuse. It sounds like you are not that close to them? Maybe they felt awkward joining a party that had already begun, with guests that had already eaten, and would have felt awkward eating a meal when everyone already had. Maybe it felt even more awkward because, as you stated, you had already had ''a few drinks'', and maybe they took your reaction to their presence as less than welcoming in an already awkward situation.

I''m not saying that you did anything wrong, but I don''t think that they did either. The email to your FI wasn''t rude, it just shed some light on their side of the story.

I''m a shy person, and I would have probably wanted to leave as well, if I showed up late, had to eat by myself, and was greeted with "what are you doing here, are you with another party?" Let me reiterate that this was just an unfortunate series of bad timing and miscommunication.

I do, however, think your email was inappropriate and rude. I wouldn''t expect friendships with either of these girls in the future, and unfortunately, I have to say that it reflects poorly on you and makes your FI seem like a jerk in front of his friends.

 

[LilyKat]

I would have been annoyed and irritated by their flakiness. But sadly, your email will have ended any friendship or goodwill between you and these girls for good.

Take it as a lesson learned for the future - don''t send emails when angry.

 

[Pushin40]

Ouch!! No turning back now!

I wouldn''t go to your wedding if I got an email like that (but I wouldn''t have been as rude as they were to you, either.)

It''s done - the email has been sent. Hopefully your finance can still be friends with these 2 guys!

I know it sucks but I probably would have just dropped it. It wasn''t THAT big of a deal, more of a misunderstanding. I would have been annoyed, but hardley embarrassed and teary-eyed over it. These women aren''t your friends, and its just a night out, so really whats the big deal?

 

[kama_s]

Date: 2/8/2010 10:36:03 AM
Author: purrfectpear
You''re joking right? I think that question has been answered

I have to agree with PP. Your e-mail was quite rude and incredibly condescending. Extrapolating, I wouldn''t be surprised if you were rude to them at your hen''s night as well.

Yes, they were wrong to leave without saying a word, but in my books, your reaction was way worse and very over-the-top.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Hey stuff happens--maybe they were telling the truth...but you cannot control what they did but can control your own behavior which was childish at best. And the email--case in point. Yikes.

Sharon

 

[monarch64]

MissDimity, I''m a firm believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason."

 

[havernell]

I agree with most others that the two girls didn't act very well, but that I'm afraid that your reaction was also highly uncalled for. Perhaps take this as a lesson to not respond to emails stressful until you've given yourself 24 hours to calm down, especially wedding related emails.

However, I actually feel the most sorry for your fiance in all of this. Now he might not have some of his closest friends at his wedding because you couldn't control your emotions over email! Did you even consider how essentially dis-inviting his friends (via their girlfriends) to his own wedding would sit with him before you pressed "send"? I think you need to talk with him about this ASAP if you haven't already to make sure this doesn't cause resentment between the two of you.

I sincerely hope things turn out okay for all involved.

 

[AlistairsBride]

Not that I want to get you on the defensive... I think maybe the stress of the situaiton, pending nuptials, etc., etc. got to you... I think you want reassurance that you did the right thing...

When my cousin was getting married, my common law (live in) boyfriend of 5.5 years and I had *just* broken up. He changed his status on facebook before I had time to tell my extended family (with whom I am close). So I sent a mass email telling everyone that it had ended, all was okay and that I was fine (I was - shakey but fine).

My cousin sent a reply saying,

"Hi Cousin,

Well, I did see this on Facebook and was surprised, but glad to hear you are doing well. Yes, at this day in age information does move quickly. I am glad you have great friends by your side and no regrets.

Cheezy Q: Does this mean I should remove him from the guestlist? I need to finalize #''s by next weekend. If you are talking to your sister can you ask her to send back her reply as well and let me know if her b/f is comming? Thanks.

I am looking forward to seeing you at the family shower for me and catching up then.

Take Care

I sort of lost it and sent a very calm email stating:
---
It’s not so much cheesy as incredibly insensitive and self-centered.

I don’t intend on bringing [the ex] but you invited him so you can have him or not as you please – it’s just a wedding. I don’t know yet if I’ll be bringing a date – I’m kinda workin’ a few things out at the moment and haven’t quite turned my mind to this – suppose you just assume so for now – perhaps I’ll bring a buddy as you did to our other cousin''s wedding.

[I cc''d my sis: [bride] wants to know if b.f is coming. I sure as hell hope so – I assume he wants the beef entree.

You’re welcome,
me
----

Needless to say, things went off the rails... she sent me a raging email, to which I did not respond. Then about a day later, she sent me an apology email and admitted that the stress was getting to her, she was crying everynight, it was out of control. She asked for forgiveness and of course I gave it in a very "its not a big deal, I understand" way.

Point? Send another email. Apologize. Just suck it up and do it. Its greatly aleviating on yourself to admit mistakes, apologize and then, if they still gossip about it or are rude to you, its their fault and they are the jerks... everyone screws up sometimes. If they are the partners to your future husband''s mates, extend the olive branch - I cannot believe you would even question whether your fiance will stay friends with them and/or ever ask him to give that up.

I find it odd that you so focused on the 2 that didnt stay (and I agree with teh below piont that they probably felt totally embaressed about being late and uncomfortable and thats why they left...) and miss the fact that NINE WOMEN gave up an entire night to celebrate you... amazing... time is precious. They gave you theirs...

 

[swimmer]

Date: 2/8/2010 4:59:34 PM
Author: monarch64
MissDimity, I''m a firm believer in the saying ''everything happens for a reason.''

Wow, ditto...

Your poor FI, hopefully he is not put into a bad spot by your poorly worded (and terribly spelled) email to his friend''s gfs.

Yes, to answer your question, you were a bridezilla. Why were these women even invited if they aren''t your nearest and dearest? The classy thing for you to do is apologize. If not for your own sake, do it for your FI.

You wrote in the email "my wedding" you might want to think about how it is your FI''s as well and how he wants his friends there and in his life beyond that date.

 

[yssie]

Much ado about nothing, indeed.



They were rude to you. You were rude to them. Apologize, because A) you were in the wrong at some point and B) your FI''s friends are probably important to him, and write it off. You had nine people come to celebrate with you - focus on that! That''s a very special thing

 

[rainwood]

Based on what you''ve written, I think you went over the line. I don''t know what city you''re in, but I know that when I''m in a city where I''m dependent on taxis, it can take FOREVER to get a cab on a rainy night. Unless there''s some reason to believe they were lying about the wait for a cab, the only thing I can fault them for is not calling you (assuming everyone has cell phones and everybody has everybody''s cell number). I can see why someone wouldn''t want to drive to a hen''s night, and my guess is a 30-minute cab ride is pretty pricey. Add to that having to wait so long for the cab and being out on a rainy night, I can imagine that they weren''t in the best of moods when they got to the location for your hen''s night.

And I don''t understand why you''d ask if they were there for someone else''s hen night. Granted, you might have had a fair amount to drink but that just seems odd. I''d be a little put off if I''d had a tough time getting to a place, paid a lot of money for cab fare, and then was greeted like that by the guest of honor, particularly if she was somebody I wasn''t close to. Leaving without telling you wasn''t top-notch behavior on their parts, but I can see why it happened. Maybe they didn''t want to confront you or make a scene so they just left.

The e-mail you sent was just a bad, bad idea. These women are significant others (is one a wife?) of your fiance''s friends, plus your fiance works with one of them. You really need to put on your big girl pants and apologize to them immediately for that message. You''ll be much better off in the long run if you do. If you''re not in a frame of mind where you can do that, I''m not sure what advice to give you.

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/8/2010 6:10:51 PM
Author: havernell
I agree with most others that the two girls didn''t act very well, but that I''m afraid that your reaction was also highly uncalled for. Perhaps take this as a lesson to not respond to emails stressful until you''ve given yourself 24 hours to calm down, especially wedding related emails.

However, I actually feel the most sorry for your fiance in all of this. Now he might not have some of his closest friends at his wedding because you couldn''t control your emotions over email! Did you even consider how essentially dis-inviting his friends (via their girlfriends) to his own wedding would sit with him before you pressed ''send''? I think you need to talk with him about this ASAP if you haven''t already to make sure this doesn''t cause resentment between the two of you.

I sincerely hope things turn out okay for all involved.

Ditto! When angry, it''s always best to give yourself time to think and calm down before responding. It helps prevent you from saying hurtful things that you may never be able to take back.

I think the girls'' behaviour was kind of rude (not calling you to let you know they were running late), going to the toilet instead of coming straight to the dinner table, and then leaving afterwards - I probably would''ve gotten the impression that they didn''t want to be there either. That said - after seeing that email from your FI which sheds some light on their behaviour - it probably would''ve been best to to respond calmly to let them know your own feelings on that night (hurt, confusion etc and why), and also mention that it was obviously miscommunication between the three of you, and that you were looking forward to them being there, etc. That would''ve helped to decrease any festering tension... (Not that it''s only your responsibility to do that, but sometimes it''s best to take the high road, especially when the feelings of significant others are involved) The email that you sent unfortunately does the opposite - which is add more fuel to the fire, and give them more fodder to think badly of you. And it really does put your FI in the uncomfortable position of wanting his friends at his wedding, but having them not like you or feel welcome at his/your wedding, anymore.

I would consider sending an apology, as swimmer suggested.

 

[Bliss]

Whoa, I''m sorry this happened. Am I the only one who doesn''t get why those two women would just leave like that? It''s so unbelievable. They should have put on their big girl pants and attended the hens night. What is more unbelievable is that they stiffed you with their bill. I think they should be the ones apologizing to you.

That having been stated, I think you went a little bridezilla with the e-mail. *hug* It only makes your FI look bad by association. And I think you should apologize because your FI is the one who''s going to be dealing with the repercussions of this incident. I hate to say it, but you did mention that you had a couple of drinks... do you think this is all just a huge misunderstanding? Maybe you were a little out of it and used a tone of voice you didn''t mean to and it came across as offensive to them? I am just trying to figure out why two grown women would travel that far to a party and then scram like that. Just seems so rude and bizarre.

People can be so weird!

 

[4ever]

Date: 2/8/2010 11:08:55 AM
Author: girlface
I''m going to offer a flip side to this. They arrived late, but they did arrive, and they had a legitimate excuse. It sounds like you are not that close to them? Maybe they felt awkward joining a party that had already begun, with guests that had already eaten, and would have felt awkward eating a meal when everyone already had. Maybe it felt even more awkward because, as you stated, you had already had ''a few drinks'', and maybe they took your reaction to their presence as less than welcoming in an already awkward situation.

I''m not saying that you did anything wrong, but I don''t think that they did either. The email to your FI wasn''t rude, it just shed some light on their side of the story.

I''m a shy person, and I would have probably wanted to leave as well, if I showed up late, had to eat by myself, and was greeted with ''what are you doing here, are you with another party?'' Let me reiterate that this was just an unfortunate series of bad timing and miscommunication.

I do, however, think your email was inappropriate and rude. I wouldn''t expect friendships with either of these girls in the future, and unfortunately, I have to say that it reflects poorly on you and makes your FI seem like a jerk in front of his friends.

I''m goingto have to agree with girlface.

I''m a shy person too and I know it was unintentional but that situation would have made me extreamly uncomfortable and I would have assumed you''d be happier without me there.

I vote for appology email: explain the misunderstanding, appoligise for the email and blame wedding stress, state that you really do want them to come to the wedding, ask for forgivness for your actions.

 

[gls]

I wouldve reacted the same way, I have probably done so many a time but I have always regretted it and I think maybe you do to, hence your post.

I have always apologised, sometimes it works, sometimes it doenst, but at least then you can hold your head up high that you have noticed that your behaviour was not on but most importantly you have done something about it.
Like others have said there are many reasons why they did what they did, but obviously it upset you so they too should apologise, if they cant thats their bad.

I know its hard to apologise but do it for your husbands sake so he can still have a good relationship with his friends, when you do happen to bump into the girls be civil, kind but not overally friendly if thats what you want.

Im sure it will all work out, but if you are like me and you are angry at someone turn off your phone and computer for 30mins and go for a walk to clear your head before you tackle it.

Good luck!

 

[jaylex]

So I don''t have much to say as everyone else has given really good advice.. except *hugs* to you while you deal with this stressful situation.
If I were in your situation, there''s a chance I would have been just as peeved as you. But I DO agree that you should apologise.

Just wanted to add...
Them stopping by the restroom first?
If they DID have to wait 1.5 hours for a taxi in the rain, they probably wanted to freshen up in the restroom before seeking you out. Especially seeing as it doesn''t seem you all know each other "that well". If i went to a party of a good friends and my hair and makeup was disheveled from the rain I would run right up to her, give her a hug and apologise for looking like crap. Then I would run off to the nearest powder room to fix myself up.
But if the host was my fiance''s friends fiance whom I''ve only met a handful of times, I would probably run to the restroom to fix my hair/makeup first.

I guess it may be a vanity/comfort thing... but I just thought I''d add that.

Good luck, hun!

 

[trillionaire]

you can''t control how other people act, but you can control yourself, which you clearly chose not to do, as demonstrated by that email. Sure you are stressed with the wedding, but that is no excuse for that email or your over the top response to this situation. Honestly, if I was your FI, I would be livid and mortified that you were speaking to my friends in that manner. Disrespect to my friends is disrespect to me. I''m sure your FI could have handled speaking to his friends, and more gracefully at that...

 

[bee*]

I agree with PP-I think that email was definitely bridezilla behaviour. I''m not sure if you or your future husband get together with these people often, but I''d say that email has definitely put a spanner in the works for future get-togethers. Sure it was rude of them to leave but I don''t see why they''d leave after it took them that long to get there if something wasn''t said to make them feel unwelcome. If I received that email there is no way I''d go to your wedding.

 

[CasaBlanca]

Sweetie,

When I read your post...the first thing that my minds eye pictured was the heavy rainfall. Drenching buckets everywhere. So the late taxi was so understandable to me.

When you ran into the women in the ladies room, again I saw two women attempting to repair the water damage and get presentable to approach a table filled with strangers. Imagine their surprise to see you in the ladies room...and the opportunity to have you escort them to the table filled with people they didn''t know...but sadly lost that opportunity.

After your three drinks, I have a feeling your emotions got the best of you..anger and disappointment in their tardiness trumped your hospitality...when you met them. You expressed to them the effort that would have to be done to serve them, because your party had already eaten. And a question that lead them to misunderstand their being welcome...I really feel that was the catalyst to their making a quick get away. They were embarrassed and worried about the shunning from your group. (dang we finally get here...paid to have transportation....we are stressed and drenched...we won''t get food...our host left us in here...we don''t know anyone...whats the point? Lets just leave.)

You mentioned you didn''t have their number, so I assume they didn''t have yours either? Remember phones work both ways...making calls as well as receiving them. Had a guest of mine been late in that horrible weather...I would have made several calls attempting to obtain THEIR number to make sure they were safe (they were infact out in the in-climate weather on your behalf).

I really don''t see a right or wrong side here...but a series of silly circumstances that lead both of you to assume something totally different than what actually took place. That coupled with drinks, emotions, it being YOUR night...it just got the better of you. Remember these girls don''t really know you...or how to read your personality yet...so they were more than likely more sensitive than you were as the bride to be! Now that is stressed!

I am sorry that you carried it on to the next day, and into the email. I really see the pain you feel you are entitled to have...but I hope reading my view may have shown you a different angle to help you heal.

These friendships and alliances are your finances and he wants to make them yours as a couple. Combining both of your worlds is what you are signing up to do in marriage. There is a give and take...but in the end you gain back so much more...this is a good thing, honest (you will have twice the close friends!)

I urge you to let go of the strife, and the bitterness. Make your apologies. Call, email or visit. Tell these women that this time is riddled with stress and it just got the better of you. Tell them how important it is to be able to share this time with them...and that you look forward to forgeing a friendship in the future. No need to explain or bring up minutia...just be sincere. Tell them how welcome they will be...and how important it is to you having them accept your apology in attending your wedding.

I think of the most memorable things you will have, will be seeing those women there...and welcoming with sincerity.

I promise you, you will feel so much better and your to be husband will be so proud of you for "giving" this to him. Make an effort, the reward is so fulfilling.