Unusual Cluster Flower E-Ring - Need Advice

[jocelyn3]

Hi Y''all,

I''m new here and am writing because I have a dilemma that I''m unsure how to solve. About 6 weeks ago, my BF proposed to me while on a trip. It was beautiful and exciting and has been something we have been looking forward to for a few years.

For months I had been giving him pictures of rings that I loved and suited my personality and lifestyle. I''m very simple and liked simple solitare rings, or a solitaire ring with a pave band. The ring he proposed with was a complete surprise and NOTHING like anything I had shown him. He gave me a very old-fashioned cluster ring (picture of mine below and link to a website that shows in better detail below) that he had picked out about 20 years ago with his grandmother when he was a young boy. It has about 30 little diamonds shaped in the design of a flower, approx. carat weight of 1.3. He never saw the ring again until 7 months ago when he bought it. (Yes he bought it 7 months ago and only gave it to me 6 weeks ago). The ring clearly has sentimental value for him as it represents his childhood and grandmother.

I''ve been trying to love it, trying to keep an open mind, and reminding myself over and over that its not the ring itself, but what it represents to us and our lives together. I feel guilty about disliking it, and materialistic and selfish. But I have been crying whenever I see other rings in magazines that I love, or see posts here and hear everyones excitement about how much they love their rings. And I do feel a bit of resentment because he clearly went with something HE loved as opposed to something he knew I would love (based on pictures I had shown him). The appraisal says the main diamond is I-1 for clarity, colour F, and cut good, while the 30 little diamonds are SI-2 - I-1 for clarity, colour G-H, and cut medium good. And the appraisal price is about $2000 lower than what he paid for it.

I tried to slowly broach the subject a few weeks back by saying since it was a cluster ring, it would be extremely difficult to find a matching band that would fit, unless it was customized to curve. I could see the panic and hurt on his face and in his voice when he asked if I wanted another ring, so I promply dropped the subject and decided to "live with it." But I can''t get over it, and I feel so selfish.

Another problem is that he had shown every single friend and family member he has (and its ALOT of people) the ring in the months before proposing to me. So his family and friends might think that I''m being picky and selfish. Plus the ring is in all our trip photos as well.

I feel truly horrible about it, and its eating away at me. We aren''t geting married for another 2 years, and I don''t know what to do. Live with it, or hurt him so horribly that I''m afriad there won''t be a wedding. A male friend''s advice was: NEVER TELL HIM! And anyhow, after the ring being bought 7 months ago, I doubt he could return it or even exchange it.

Thank you for any advice, I truly appreciate it.

Joc.

http://ringoblog.com/ring-by-type/wedding-rings/18ct-white-gold-diamond-cluster-flower-ring/
(link that shows it on a website)

 

[Kelli]

First of all, congrats on being engaged! Second, oh boy........

I''m sorry you''re in the position you''re in.

Yes, it is just a ring, but every girl understandably wants to love her engagement ring. And it''s not only that you don''t like the ring, it''s the fact that he didn''t take your feelings into consideration at all when choosing. Does this make him a bad guy? No. Is it irritating when they do stuff like that? YES! Given that you told him what you wanted and he picked something NOTHING AT ALL like it, he shouldn''t be THAT shocked to find out you don''t absolutely love it. I wonder why he would pick out a ring with his grandmother?

I''ve never heard of something like that before. I would hope that he wouldn''t call the wedding off over you not liking a ring, but only you can decide whether or not to risk it. Can you tell him that you love the sentiment behind the ring and will cherish it forever, but you''d also like a "stand in" for everyday wear because you don''t want to damage it? It does seem that your ring would be the type to get caught on things. Explain that you''ll pull it out for nicer occasions (which you can slyly use like a right hand cocktail ring), when you''re not doing anything much with your hands, but that you''d also like to have something more practical to represent your engagement/marriage to wear daily and not have to worry about as much. I wonder if he''d see through the "it''s too special for everyday wear" routine.

In any event, I hope one of you can compromise and learn to live with the other''s choice. It can be tough! Good luck!

 

[tigian]

Congratulations on your engagement!
Sticky situation about your ring...I think I would tell him that you would prefer a more simple ring for everyday wear and that you would love to wear the cluster ring for more special, fancy occasions. Stress the fact that you want to wear your e-ring everyday at all times.

You can use that excuse for all the friends and family who have already seen the cluster ring.
I can imagine how frustrated you are especially since you gave him ideas on what you liked. It is definitely worth trying to convince him, even though he may be hurt at first, he will be happier if you are 100% happy with your ring.
Good luck!

 

[lyra]

That''s such a tricky situation, I''m sorry! Congratulations on getting engaged though. If it were me, I''d wait another year before I brought it up again. Maybe even longer. It really *will* be challenging to find a wedding ring to go with it, so maybe when the time comes for that, he''ll be less invested emotionally in *this* ring and will understand the concern. Or you could set your heart on a really blingy wedding band, that won''t sit well with this ring and use this ring as your RHR. Another possibility is asking for an upgrade at an anniversary. Good luck.

 

[whitby_2773]

hi jocelyn welcome to pricescope and CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement!

after i read your post, i had a chat with my husband about this, him taking your fiance''s role and me taking yours. we agreed your fiance is going to be pretty hurt about this if it results in a change of ring!

it takes some years of marriage before men start to get that what THEY want to give may in fact (shock! horror!) not BE exactly what their wives want to receive! who knew?? apart from anything else, jocelyn, if he cant return the ring, there''s every likelihood that he cant afford another ring. and i really dont see him selling it on ebay to recoup some of his loss! so i think you''re stuck with it for the moment. the question is what to do with it?

it''s quite a ring, that''s for sure. my suggestion would be....

to buy a fairly blinged-out, stunning, ''you absolutely LOVE it'' wedding ring. something that can double as both wedder and engagement ring - say, a row of 5 stones, each .3ct ,making 1.5ct in total. there''s a zillion of them on PS, but kcoursolle''s is probably one of the nicest here.

take a look...

something like this - either in platinum or yellow gold - would be a stunning wedding band, and would also look rather fabulous as an engagement ring. you could also ask for a plain band for when you didnt want to be quite so blingy...and wear both together to emphasize the engagement ring look of it. the current ring could then make its way quietly to your right hand (as many women do anyway) and then perhaps to a drawer somewhere... and then, for your 10th anniversary, when he has more of an idea what it means to buy a woman jewelry and is perhaps a little less fragile in the sentiment department, a nice new solitaire!

i do hope this works out for you. i think your answer will be in working the wedding ring hard, then replacing your e-ring for an anniversary down the track.

good luck and - again - congratulations!

 

[upgrade]

Jocelyn-

Wow... I feel for you! As a fellow recipient of an engagement ring that was not at all what I wanted, I feel your pain. I really don''t know why men do this (note to any men who may be reading... find out what SHE wants, it''s not about what YOU want). Of all the people I know in my ''real'' life, the only women I know who *love* their engagement rings are those who either chose their own or appointed a well informed sister or friend to do their bidding.

My dh took me to look at rings before we got engaged and everything that I said I didn''t want is what I got. It turns out he had already ordered the ring and was looking for validation rather than my input and ideas. I think he heard what he wanted to hear. Your fiance probably loved this ring so much that he was sure you''d see it and change your mind about everything you thought you wanted and fall in love with this one. It doesn''t usually work like that.

I don''t really know how you can fix this without hurt feelings. Sadly, either you''re going to be stuck with a ring you don''t want or he''s going to have his feelings hurt. And Whitby has a good point in that he may not be able to return this ring and likely can''t afford to buy 2. Is there any way you could contact the seller to see what their return policy is without him knowing? That info could help you decide how to proceed. The possibility of an exchange could be a less upsetting situation than having to buy 2 rings.

As someone else who''s been there, I can tell you that I didn''t grow to love my ring. It upset me more as years went by and I saw others getting erings they adored. I too felt guilty and materialistic and it took me a long time to realize that to him it may be just a ring, but to me it was something I had spent my whole life dreaming about. I finally told him and he was hurt- every situation is different but for us it would have been better if I had been honest upfront when an exchange would have been possible. I got a reset for our 5th anniversary and fir our 10th, I got an upgrade and now have the ring of my dreams. Now that it''s all said and done, he''s no longer hurt and is happy that I''m so happy.

As a sidenote, I don''t understand why the appraisal came in so much lower than the purchase price- did he find that unusual? I''m wondering if that could give him more of a leg to stand on with regards to a possible exchange, since it''s been 7 months?

I really wish you luck on this- many, many women have come to this site in your situation. Maybe searching through some of those posts can help you come up with ideas? Please keep us updated.

 

[Circe]

Hi, Jocelyn3 - welcome to the board, and congratulations on your engagement! It sounds like your husband-to-be is a sweet, sentimental guy, who, like many guys, just doesn''t "get" jewelry. He''s a great guy, and you don''t want to hurt him ... but you don''t want to sacrifice the feeling of having a ring that *you* love, either. There''s nothing shallow or materialistic about that!

I think you''ve gotten a lot of good advice here on not telling him the real reason(s) why you can''t/won''t wear the ring 24/7 for the rest of your life, because of the risk of hurting his feelings: I''d ditto the suggestion to go for a really blingy wedding ring, but in the meantime, since you''re having a long engagement, perhaps you could mention more practical concerns? The ring that you linked to - is that the same exact model as your ring? I tend to work with my hands a fair amount, and I know I would bang something like that to hell and back if I tried to wear it on a regular basis: it would make a great cocktail ring, but it would just be too fragile for the kind of constant wear that an e-ring gets. Perhaps you could tell him that you hate the idea of damaging the ring, but still want to advertise your status to friends and family alike, and get a head-start by getting a "substitute" ring for daily wear: a small eternity ring, or maybe a low-set bezeled stone, with your e-ring coming out to "shine" on special occasions?

And, P.S. to any dudes reading this - this is why you always sound your lady out before you buy the ring! There are practical and aesthetic issues surrounding these things that you might not forsee, but that can cause *her* unnecessary anguish down the line!

 

[makemepretty]

Your picture looks more oval than the link you posted. More like a snowflake to me. It''s very pretty. I think because he picked it out for you, that you should just wear it and enjoy it. It will grow on you. It''s unique and doesn''t look like everyone elses. Also, you don''t really have to worry about a matching band yet if you aren''t getting married for two more years.

If in 5 years you still want a new ring then maybe get an upgrade and keep that one for sentimental/passing on through the generations. He has a cute story as to why he bought it for you. My first engagement ring was from a bubble gum machine. NOT everyone gets the Tiffany Solitaire as their proposal ring. Heck, there are so many women in the LIW section dying for a proposal, any ring and any proposal.

Stop having a pity party for yourself and count your blessings You can''t hate diamonds. It really is pretty.

 

[motownmama]

is that pic your hand or a stock photo? Do YOU have any handshots?

 

[upgrade]

I just wanted to add that if a new ering is not an option, I agree that a really special stand alone wedding band chosen by YOU is a great idea.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 5/2/2009 6:32:47 PM
Author: upgrade
I just wanted to add that if a new ering is not an option, I agree that a really special stand alone wedding band chosen by YOU is a great idea.

This is what I did! I''ve never loved my engagement ring. It''s pretty and I helped to pick it out, but when we were discussing the ring he had strong ideas about what he wanted so I compromised a lot. We rationalised that it was his money, his choice. Funnily enough, he didn''t think the same way when we chose his rings (one of which I would never have choosen, but he loved it and it was his engagement ring so I bought it), which really woke me up to the idea of choosing my own wedding band, regardless of how he felt about it. I can''t and don''t wear my engagement ring and wedding band together.

 

[LD]

How about this?

Explain that it''s not an every day ring but you''d love to wear it for special occasions, when going out etc and perhaps on your right hand? You could also express concerns that you will find it difficult to wear a wedding band with it and don''t want to get too used to it and then you have to take it off when you get married - you''ll have to transfer it to your right hand at that point anyway.

Soooooooooooo, if you wear it as a right hand ring now, could you buy a simple solitaire (perhaps with a CZ, white sapphire, or another white stone that looks like a diamond). This way, he won''t be spending more money and when you upgrade you could simply take out the CZ or whatever and replace with a diamond.

 

[icet]

HI! First Congrats on the engagment!

I went through a similar situation. My hubby gave me a ring that I did not like. After talking to my DH about it (this was when we were already married), he wasn''t sure what I would like, he said he had a feeling it would have been a princess cut diamond (which is what I would have picked at the time, early 2000''s) but since we hadn''t talked about it, he wasn''t sure, so at the urging of his sister, he got me a round which was beautiful but just not me!
Anyhoo, I never said a word and kept my mouth shut but he noticed that I wasn''t keen on showing people the ring and I actually turned it to the palm side to hide it sometimes. I was not too happy about my ring but I was happy to be engaged so I just sucked it up. But a few days before our wedding he actually called me out on it and I told him the truth so we said we would get another ring on our 5 yr anniversary as it was too late to return the ring. Well on our wedding day, my hubby slipped on an asscher cut diamond on my finger along with my wedding band as a surprise! (which was a shape that we both liked)

I would not say anything if the ring can not be returned and slowly bring up maybe an anniversary solitaire or something like that, get a nice eternity band for the wband and put the ering on my right hand BUT if there is a chance that you can change it I would take the risk of hurting your FI because it is an expensive mistake to make to have to get another engagement ring. Maybe you can pick something that you both like and it would be more meaningful to the both of you as a couple and then you could do something for his grandmother at your wedding or get a pendant in that style if it means so much to him.

You may hurt his family''s feelings and what not but YOU have to wear it and I''m sure your fiance would want you to wear something that you love.
My SIL was initially hurt that I didn''t like it and so was my MIL but they got over it and now it''s a funny story with a happy ending for the both of us.

Good luck, I sooo feel for you!

 

[wolftress]

Hi Jocelyn, I don''t have any new advice for you that the other ladies haven''t already given, but I just wanted to say I feel for you and I hope you and your fiance can talk about it honestly and he will understand how you feel. An engagement is supposed to be one of the most thrillling times of your lives and even though a ring is ''just a ring'' it should be something you are proud to show others and talk about.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[motownmama]

I would not hurt your FI feelings - it''s obviously a sentimental purchase for him and the story is very sentimental. I think that''s alot more important. Down the road it''s possible you could move it to a right hand ring, or get the diamonds reset in a band - I wouldn''t do it niow. He asked you to marry him and this is the ring he bought to seal the deal. I do agree that you should get a wb you really like. Marriage is really about compromise - I think he sounds very special and romantic - your imitial comments about not being able to find a wb sound like they hit a nerve with him. Can we see some more photos so we can perhaps help with a wb?? Good luck!!

 

[MMT]

I''m so sorry your going through this, this should be such an exciting time for you. I understand why you are disappointed but it sounds like this ring is really important to your fiance. I really like the idea of this ring eventually becoming a rhr for you. I don''t know financially when you two could afford another ring. Maybe you could wear this ring for awhile and see if it grows on you. Is there anyone close to him that could give you better advice on how he would react if he knew. I''m sure he wants you to love your ring.

 

[missrachelk]

Have you thought about discussing a re-set with your FI? That would keep the diamonds and the sentiment he intended, and let you redesign them in a more practical way. Just another option that hasn't been brought up. Even if the stones aren't what you'd want in your e-ring or need for the new design, maybe those 30 small stones could be turned into diamond hoops and you could keep the center stone to go into your 'new' ering. You could certainly wear the hoops (or necklace, whatever) every day whereas this cocktail ring is NOT suited to everyday wear. Using the 'it could get damaged' line might be just the way to talk him into a re-set.


I personally think that keeping quiet to save your FI's feelings is the wrong way to move towards a marraige. His feelings and attachment towards thr ring are important, and so are yours. I don't think you should let his feelings outweigh your own. He should also understand (or figure out if he doesn't already) that showing everyone else the ring before you acepted it has put you in an akward position with not loving the design. He should aslo acknowledge that his childhood taste is not necessarily his future wife's for her e-ring! This is a great GIFT but misses the mark for e-ring. As you said, this ring represents his grandmother and his childhood, the E-ring should represent You and He coming together into marraige. Especially when you expressed desire for a soilitaire!

I also love the 5 stone ring idea and keep this ring intact, but for a RHR.

Good Luck.

IMHO:
Honesty is the best policy, even when it is harsh.
Resentment will poision a relationship.

 

[Lovinggems]

Congratulations on your engagement. Is the ring from the link the exact ring you have? The link shows a round shape whereas your photo shows an oval shape cluster.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/3/2009 8:34:51 AM
Author: missrachelk
Have you thought about discussing a re-set with your FI? That would keep the diamonds and the sentiment he intended, and let you redesign them in a more practical way. Just another option that hasn''t been brought up. Even if the stones aren''t what you''d want in your e-ring or need for the new design, maybe those 30 small stones could be turned into diamond hoops and you could keep the center stone to go into your ''new'' ering. You could certainly wear the hoops (or necklace, whatever) every day whereas this cocktail ring is NOT suited to everyday wear. Using the ''it could get damaged'' line might be just the way to talk him into a re-set.


I personally think that keeping quiet to save your FI''s feelings is the wrong way to move towards a marraige. His feelings and attachment towards thr ring are important, and so are yours. I don''t think you should let his feelings outweigh your own. He should also understand (or figure out if he doesn''t already) that showing everyone else the ring before you acepted it has put you in an akward position with not loving the design. He should aslo acknowledge that his childhood taste is not necessarily his future wife''s for her e-ring! This is a great GIFT but misses the mark for e-ring. As you said, this ring represents his grandmother and his childhood, the E-ring should represent You and He coming together into marraige. Especially when you expressed desire for a soilitaire!

I also love the 5 stone ring idea and keep this ring intact, but for a RHR.

Good Luck.

IMHO:
Honesty is the best policy, even when it is harsh.
Resentment will poision a relationship.

This is exactly what I have been thinking.....

 

[suchende]

My 8 year old baby brother knows exactly what kind of ring he wants to give his future wife. I thought that was so adorable until this thread...

 

[Daisi2112]

Hi there!

First off, congrats on your engagement! Very happy for you

Now, your situation is definitely sticky I think. I am a big believer that when it comes to buying a women an engagement ring it should be something that she likes (that means the guy has to do some homework). I agree with what was said before me - I don''t think you should just be quiet and live with it because an engagement ring is something that a woman always looks at and lives with. So, it should definitely conjure up good feelings in my opinion. Don''t let his feelings out weight yours, your feelings matter just as much! I would just be careful about how you approach this topic with him (if you choose to). Saying something like, "It is such a pretty ring I don''t want to damage it with everyday wear, etc...." and then get a blingy wedding band that can also stand as an engagement ring. Your flower ring can be a very beautiful RHR!

I don''t think you should feel bad and materialistic and what not. This is totally understandable. I think it was very sweet of him to put so much thought into the ring with his grandmother, however because this is a celebration of YOU and HIM, he should have considered what YOU liked... not what him and his grandmother liked

Anyhows, maybe wear the flower ring for a little bit, give it some time, and then bring up this topic with him, if you want.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Congrats on the engagement!
Sorry to hear you don''t like the ring

The photo is very pretty, but I could understand it not being ''you''. I think it''d be a nice idea to get a wedding band you love and then maybe wear this one as a RHR (because it really is lovely) since they probably won''t fit right on top of each other. I think a few years down the road he will be more open to getting a new ring, but in the mean time it might be best to be patient.

My ring wasn''t exactly what I had pictured either, I was partial to a colored stone solitaire in an quirky antique setting, but he''s very traditional so I got a diamond solitaire with a white gold band. But I really grew to love it, even though I never thought I''d have a ring that was so traditional(I''ve always enjoyed quirky tastes). You might never grow to love it, but maybe grow to enjoy it at least? Chances are you will get a dream ring you love sometime down the road as you and your husband grow closer, and his ego becomes less attached to the ring and he becomes more secure in your relationship. But in the meantime, you might as well stop worrying and enjoy your engagement! There can always be another ring, but the next two years will be irreplaceable, so try not to let the symbol of your engagement ruin the actual experience.

 

[sofi]

Jocelyn

First let me extend my congratulations on your engagement.

I would like to join your "pity party" - although from your post I see nothing but thoughfulness and concern for preserving your fiance's feelings. I am so sorry that you are disappointed in your ring - but oh gosh, I can understand why. He ignored all of your hints and suggestions and got a ring that pleased only him. I think it is lovely, but not as an engagement ring. Frankly I am surprised that none of the people who saw it before you did tried to dissuade him from presenting it to you.

I could see the panic and hurt on his face and in his voice when he asked if I wanted another ring, so I promply dropped the subject and decided to "live with it."

He was perceptive enough to notice that something was wrong, and opened the door when he asked if you would like to change the ring. I think that you need to revisit that conversation. Tell him you have been thinking very,very hard about it and have to admit that you were less than honest with him. Yes, he will probably look injured again, so be strong, but this time please let him know how YOUR feelings were hurt a bit.

There have been some great suggestions here - get a second ring, reset the stones from this one, get a beautiful band - and my wish for you is that your fiance will find a way to buy you a new engagement ring that is special to both of you.

Just an aside, I consulted with my husband before posting this. Thirty five years ago he proposed with a solitaire that had a very noticeable black inclusion, ugh, and I was embarrassed when people would ask to see my ring. After a week I decided to tell him, he was mortified, we got a smaller and more beautiful stone, and I think we both benefitted from the whole experience.

 

[littlemissindecisive]

jocelyn-I agree with another poster that said to wait a bit, but I would be unable to find a wedding band no matter how hard we looked

to match and that would help in using it as a right hand ring and getting a simple but gorgeous and totally you diamond wedding band for your ring finger. That way everyone is happy

Best of Luck-

 

[LostSapphire]

Date: 5/3/2009 10:56:08 AM
Author: sofi
Jocelyn

First let me extend my congratulations on your engagement.

I would like to join your 'pity party' - although from your post I see nothing but thoughfulness and concern for preserving your fiance's feelings. I am so sorry that you are disappointed in your ring - but oh gosh, I can understand why. He ignored all of your hints and suggestions and got a ring that pleased only him. I think it is lovely, but not as an engagement ring. Frankly I am surprised that none of the people who saw it before you did tried to dissuade him from presenting it to you.

I could see the panic and hurt on his face and in his voice when he asked if I wanted another ring, so I promply dropped the subject and decided to 'live with it.'

He was perceptive enough to notice that something was wrong, and opened the door when he asked if you would like to change the ring. I think that you need to revisit that conversation. Tell him you have been thinking very,very hard about it and have to admit that you were less than honest with him. Yes, he will probably look injured again, so be strong, but this time please let him know how YOUR feelings were hurt a bit.

There have been some great suggestions here - get a second ring, reset the stones from this one, get a beautiful band - and my wish for you is that your fiance will find a way to buy you a new engagement ring that is special to both of you.

Just an aside, I consulted with my husband before posting this. Thirty five years ago he proposed with a solitaire that had a very noticeable black inclusion, ugh, and I was embarrassed when people would ask to see my ring. After a week I decided to tell him, he was mortified, we got a smaller and more beautiful stone, and I think we both benefitted from the whole experience.

IF the convo goes well, what about suggesting the cluster ring be taken apart and the diamonds from IT be used in a blingy wedding band that you wear with your solitaire??? Everybody wins...he'd see you wearing his original gift (in a revised format) daily, AND you get what makes you happy too...

LS

 

[VRBeauty]

Congratulations on your engagement! I hope all goes well aside from this little bauble!

You know your hubby to be and his strengths and insecurities far better than any of us, and I suspect that somewhere deep in your gut, you know how you have to approach this situation. You also know better than any of us whether this is a on-time foible, or whether your fiance routinely ignores your input, or substitutes his judgement/desires for yours.

Personally, would tend to agree with Missrachelk and others who have suggested that you talk to your fiance about why you would prefer another style for your engagement ring. Then, I think you should be prepared to compromise as to how that happens. If this ring is not returnable, you may have to wait awhile until you get a new ring, or get a smaller solitaire than you'd hoped for, or....? And although it would be tempting, I would not try to find out whether this ring is returnable on my own. I think that would undermine your conversation with fiance.

BTW I don't think you're being materialistic or self-pitying. And I suspect (whether they'd admit it or not) that some of those family members who got to preview the ring were thinking "hoooo boy, I wonder how that one's going to go over..."

Good luck!

 

[jocelyn3]

Hi,

Wow I must say thank you to all the kind suggestions and supportive words. It took me about 3 weeks to work up the nerve to write here, afraid I would be blasted for being "selfish"

I must say, I really don''t know what to do. Everyone has offered good solid advice, for every situation possible.

I highly doubt he can return the ring ... it has been 7+ counting months after all. In fact, I have no idea where he bought it, as he won''t tell me because he is superstitious about me knowing. Financially, we both can''t afford another ring. We are waiting 2 years for awedding just so we can possibly afford a wedding and maybe someplace to live. So I think the only thing left is a) telling him, but asking him if we can maybe get a ring more my style for our 5th or 10th anniversary. b) telling him, but suggesting I get a really nice band that I wear alone. I actually did mention this when I said that since it will be impossible to get a band to fit with this ring, I might not be able to wear the E-Ring, and he seemed horrified I wouldn''t wear the E-Ring after we get married.

Sorry about the poor quality of the picture ... it is a hand photo, but I had to do a closeup in order to shrink the file size enough to attach. My ring is more oval/snowflake than the ring in the link, but other than that it is identical.

I am a teacher, so I am having a hard time imagining myself wear it while chasing little kids and writing on the blackboard all the time.

But overall, I really doubt he can return or even exchange it after 7+ months, and he defianately can''t afford another one. But in agreement to one poster, I can see resentment building, and marriage should be based on honesty.

Thank you for all the supportive advice and kind words!

Joc.

 

[anyname]

i just wanted to say Congrats on your engagement. I think the points you made are very valid, that ring probably wouldn''t be too practical for everyday wear and that might be a good way to gently let your fiance know why you wouldn''t be wearing it everyday. I hope everything works out for you! Take care.

 

[anyname]

acutally i just spoke with my husband and he said "don''t tell him until you can afford another ring, cause what''s the point of letting him know now?" But that''s just his view, do what you think works best for you.

 

[honey22]

You are marrying the guy - you should be able to speak open and freely with him. Be honest with him, pretending you like the ring and just avoiding wearing it will make things worse later on. Explain to him that you appreciate the effort he went into picking a ring for you but it''s just not you, and you don''t feel comfortable wearing such a flashy ring and be done with it.

Whether or not you get another one, I don''t know. But I do like the idea of a blingy wedding band to make up for the lack of ering.

I would be very hurt and mad if my partner pretended to like a gift when he didn''t. Trust is the most important part of a relationship for me, lying or being dishonest is unforgivable IMO.