Uh Oh

[Melinda]

After months and months of planning my ering, picking out the stone, etc., I''m having so many doubts. But the problem is, it''s already on my finger! I''m ashamed, and I love my ring, but now I''m wondering if I should have gotten a RB for it''s brilliance and rainbows, even though I had absolutely no interest in them before. I always liked them but I wanted something different, and I''ve never been the type to get what everyone else has or wants. From the very beginning I wanted an oval, and it really does elongate my otherwise rather unelegant fingers, but now I''m here and there and all over the place. I''m finally wondering if I''m going to get bored by an oval, and honestly, that makes me feel just horrible after all this trouble and planning. I just feel anxious about the whole thing, which makes me wonder what''s wrong.

 

[valeria101]

Does it really look 'washed out' ? It so doesn't from as much as pictures can tell.

All the cheering on the ring's threads can't be that wrong. Years to come, and the compliments will keep adding on, I'd bet.... although your opinion only counts in the end



Someone suggested direct comparison @ Mall shops against DCOD

('diamond compulsive obsessive disorder' - the poster called it, I've laughed my heart out at that one!).

 

[Gypsy]

Forgive me for saying this if I give offense. But I''m a former knottie (theknot.com)... and well, when people fixated and had doubts about items-- shoes, the dress-- and then got it and were still dissatisfied it was usually a symptom of something deeper. Something directly related to the person''s doubts about marriage, commitment, or their fiance.

Briefly, when my fiance was looking for e-rings for me he wanted to get me a platinum setting... and I couldn''t commit to one... and fixated. Finally, he got me a 14K WG ''temporary'' setting... that was god, three years ago. And I looked and could find nothng that satisfied me... and we were honestly headed for trouble and I knew it... and was avoiding the issue. But once things finally resolved themselves (in January) and we were finally where we needed to be in-- and having worked through things together-- I suddenly started seeing ''perfect'' settings everywhere... almost bought a setting at THE MALL (horror-- I was so ready I overlooked the I clarity of the diamonds and the big black inclusion and the hideously overpriced tag). I was finally ready. And I am.

So... maybe it''s not the oval your worried about committing to?

 

[Melinda]

Thanks you guys,
Valeria, no it doesn''t look washed out at all. It''s very beautiful, but I think gypsy might be onto something. I''m going to have to mull this one over. Thanks for being forthright. I really appreciate that, because I don''t want to make a mistake on this one.

 

[Gypsy]

Anytime. Been there... so I can sympathize. If you need to talk... I''m a bit difficult to get ahold of... but if you email me at... crap... don''t have an addy I feel comfortable posting. Do you have one (if you want to talk...otherwise...no worries)...and I''m sorrry but I''m falling over dead tired... so I have to go to sleep tonight... but will check this post in the morning.

 

[dbgaap]

well, sometimes you can just feel like there are so many pros & cons that you just can''t make a decision! and i think a lot of people go through that when it is all related to a very major life event.

so i would just try to hang in there.

no matter what you pick, there will always be options that had to get left behind. if i were you i''d stick with the oval since that''s the one you started out wanting.
a rb is great- and i''m sure you could love that, too, but so are emerald cuts, so are asschers, etc etc.

hang in there!

 

[decodelighted]

Hey Melinda,
You''re a brave girl to confess dissatisfaction with a 2.11 ct D color Leon Mage custom creation you''ve only had a month now!!

I also remember the arm fracture story too when you were upset after a missed design appointment.

Maybe it''s a case of over-high expectations and the natural "settling in" process after engagement & getting used to the ring. Buyers Remorse? Do you honestly think a round vs. an oval would "make you happier"? Or are you chasing the elusive "grass always greener" way you think other people FEEL about their rings/situations. The language of "will I get BORED by an Oval?" Makes me suspect Gypsy''s line of reasoning might be on point.

Let us know how you''re doing & if you really want help searching out replacement stones - or just moral support!

HUGS

 

[dbgaap]

I thought I disliked my e-ring (and I''ve worn it for 2 years now) so I planned an upgrade. On the day I was supposed to pick up the new ring, I woke up at 1:30am and immediately decided against changing the setting.
It just seemed like it had become a companion or something weird like that. My ring had survived my bouts of self-doubts and I just sorta got used to it.

Maybe that will happen with you ... give it time ..
and if you still don''t like it, I''ll take it!

just kidding...
I never even considered an oval but when I saw yours I thought it was scrumptious.....

 

[KristyDarling]

I think there are very few of us here who *haven't* felt what you're feeling right now at some point or another. I think that being here on PS exacerbates the whole "grass is greener" phenomenon. And that's not surprising, given the variety of exquisite shapes, styles, and sizes on this board. There SO many rings to love here, and each new one seems even more beautiful, more mouth-watering than the one before. For me, at least, this leads to *a lot* of envy and self-doubt. (I find that when I take vacations from PS, I experience a lot less of that!!) The one that comes up most frequently for me is whenever a new and amazing asscher ring pops up. I feel a very strong surge of desire...call it diamond lust...and then an equally intense feeling of sadness that I don't have THAT ring instead of mine. I usually get over it after a few moments (sometimes longer), after I remember how pretty my ring is, too. I think the other aspect that plagues many of us is "ring boredom." We all experience it eventually. But in the end, hopefully the sentiment behind the ring will more than make up for the "monotony" of the ring style you've head for years. You could always amuse yourself with some fun RHR project, or a new setting for your stone, or if it's feasible...an upgrade to an altogether different ring!

I think your LM ring is a masterpiece, and ovals are the epitome of elegance. There are many here, I'm sure, who are lusting over that beauty!

 

[february2003bride]

Hon- I saw your gorgeous LM e-ring over on Show Me The Ring- your ring is to die for!!

That''s part of Price Scope syndrome! It''s so easy to see gorgeous rings and want want want! I''ve doubted my e-ring and wedding band multiple times but at the end of the day, I love it and wouldn''t change it. Now shrinkage is another PS side effect and the cure is expensive

You have a beautiful stunning e-ring! I wouldn''t change a thing!

 

[jadove]

Dear Melinda,
Trust me I know how you feel! It is hard when you are looking at so many beautiful rings here on PS not to doubt your own choice. As suggested by others, I think it is a great idea to head to a store near you and try on a number of new styles and see what you think. Maybe after trying on others, you will realize that you have the perfect ring. Give it a lot of thought, and see if your decision changes over the next few days, and even weeks. I have felt the same way with my ring. I recently got it redone, and sometimes I love it, and sometimes I look at it and think the band is too thick! I get compliments on it everyday, but sometimes I still doubt my choice. It''s hard to make a decision and pick ONE ring. Sometimes I wish they would invent the type of rings where you could pop your stone out of your setting and put it in a different one depending on how you feel on a certain day!!

 

[mrssalvo]

I agree with the others and know how you feel. My biggest fear when chosing my upgrade setting is that I will be unhappy and wishing for something else

. Many have second guessed themselves and this place sure doesn''t help when you''re constantly exposed to new rings/idea''s. You have a gorgeous ring, very unique and uncommon which will surely be and heirloom. Try to focus on all the reasons you chose it and how special it is. If in a few years you are still feeling the same way, well that''s what upgrades and anniversary''s are for

 

[marvel]

OMG, Melinda...I think we''re soulmates. I read your first post and went, wow, she''s going through the same delima I am. I have a 3ct G oval, and now that it''s on my finger, i''m thinking, maybe I should get a smaller nicer RB, even though I''ve never been a big fan, etc, everything you said....

Then I read Gypsy''s response and went, oh wow, it''s my doubts about the relationship that are my real problem...it''s bigger then the ring

Sorry to threadjack, but I never would have put all this together without reading these posts. I even had a friend point out to me the either day that I continually take on and off my ring, constantly fidgeting with it

Gypsy, I''m so glad you said that after a few years of working on things, it came together. I hope that''s the case with Melinda, and myself, of course.

HUGS to you Meliinda

 

[movie zombie]

woman, that ring you posted is to die for!!!!!! if you get bored with it, send it my way, please!

all kidding aside, though, i'm with Gypsy.

however, in this instance, you've already got the ring and might be having "buyer's remorse".......or it might just be that you're already having visions of upgrading and changing stone shape which many many pricescopers do.

for me, it can take me forever to make a decision and what i've found is that something wasn't 'right' about whatever the item might be [real estate, cars, rings, gems, you name it] and that's why i couldn't make a decision. but once i've seen what i want, i want it now. no remorse. and that's why i have a lovely spess rather than a diamond....btw, its also an oval and it took me 7 months to commit to a design. [eta: sort of reinforces Gypsy, doesn't it?!]

movie zombie

 

[Scintillating]

Aw, it's normal - Totally normal for us Fruitcakes.
I NEVER wanted a RB because I thought they were boring, and somehow I ended up with one - and I question my decision often. When I see utterly fabulous rings like yours (and basically any cushion cut) I question my choice, but each and everyday I grow more and more attached to my little ring.

Also, I think the expectation for a Leon M. creation is higher than can be reached - we have this monumental expectations before we actually see the finished product. I completely and totally freaked out for about a month after I got mine. I really think you'll feel better after a few hundred more compliments.

You're is truly magnificent - just so you know! I'd trade with ya!

Scintillating...

 

[Kaleigh]

Ok snap out of it!!! Your ring is amazing, one of a kind. Made by Leon Mege!!! I''m sorry you are having doubts about it. I guess we all do, PS can be bad that way. I adore my ring, but every now and then think, hmmm, maybe I should change it. Then reality hits me and I know I love my ring and wouldn''t change it for anything. If you feel this way in a while, that''s what upgrades are for. But it''s awesome, loved it from the first time I saw it!!!

 

[ladykemma]

go earn yourself a secondhand RB for your right hand! pawn shops and used jewelry are great!

 

[tulip928]

Your ring is gorgeous! I would love to have your oval

. Your setting is a classic beauty

Outstanding, actually.

 

[dbgaap]

Yeah, looks like we all get the regret thing and I just want to emphasize again that THIS TOO SHALL pass.
You will probably continue to have ups & downs with the ring, the stone, etc.

Maybe you''ll go on the upgrade path, or possibly you will come to love the ring.

For me I think it was a matter of boredom with what I had.

Yesterday I did the upgrade from a J to an E.
They put the new stone into my same setting.

It''s exactly the same size but it really looks different. It flashes a lot more, and at first it bugged me. How weird is that???!!!

I gotta laugh at my fickle self!

I guess I just accept the fact that I could be a serial upgrader.
Hubby has adapted to it. He was curious why I didn''t go bigger, but that gives me something to look forward to in a year or two.

Or, like Kristy said, maybe I will take a vacation from PS and go obsess over something else.
It really is a part of my nature.
We re-did a bunch of lighting in the house over the winter and I became an overnight expert on recessed lighting and the fine points of rock crystal vs cut crystal in chandeliers.

 

[bstraszheim]

I don''t wear my e-ring every day, but when I do, I light up. It actually does make me smile.

My suggestion would be to not wear it for a few days, don''t even look at it, put it away in it''s box. Then after a few days, open up the box you put it in and see if your heart doesn''t swoon when you see it. This works for me for DS Sydrome too. : )

I wish you well, and hope that you can resolve this!

Bridget

 

[dani13]

Melinda-

Although I see Gypsy's point, I dont necessarily agree with the indecisiveness re:your ring being tied to your relationship. It may simply be a case of buyer's remorse. Think about it.... is the way you feel about the ring similar to your feelings about the relationship in that you are not 100% satisfied? Nothing in life is a guarantee, but maybe you are missing something. Only you can answer this question though. I hate sometimes to look at the deeper meaning of things, but hey, you never know...I will have to ask my FI who is a psych grad student....he is good at stuff like this....

Anyway, I hope that this is a simple case of remorse when it comes to your ring- maybe being on PS has tainted you- I think we all somewhat feel this way to some degree- I just got engaged in Nov and I already want an upgrade! My FI thinks I am nuts....however, I am completely happy and satisfied in our relationship, and there is no deeper meaning there, I am just a greedy girl!

I love your ring, it is a classic, wear it a little bit and see if it grows on you. If not, worse things have happenned. You can always change it- nothing is set in stone...lol

Good luck and let us know how everything goes!

 

[roxy7]

First of all, your ring is gorgeous and you have wonderful taste.

Second, I don''t blame you one itsy bit for worrying about making the right decision. Fact is that an engagement ring is a huge decision that largely reflects upon you and your personal taste. Getting married is a huge decision. Planning a wedding is full of huge decisions. So here you are, the ultimate decision-maker, and everyone''s focus is on YOU, YOU, YOU. That''s tons of pressure and I really think that sometimes we just need to take a step back and realize that, in the grand scheme of things, it will not be such a big deal.

Sometimes I think that the women who mainly flourish in the wedding/engagement period are the ultra-confident, love-to-be-center of attention, rarely second-guessing themselves types. The ones who have a strong idea of everything they want and who don''t torture themselves over the little things or worry so much about what others think. The kind of woman who can walk into a store, pick one thing off the rack, try it on, say "this is it!", walk out and never give it a second thought.

Unfortunately, I am not in that category. I am pretty indecisive, darn it, but it doesn''t mean that we won''t be great wives or have great marriages. When my sister was getting married (she''s even less decisive than me), she drove everyone crazy because she just couldn''t decide on a dress (or anything for that matter). After the people came in 20 times and helped her get on 20 dresses and she still didn''t find "the one," they started to get visibly impatient. When she finally decided on one, she went home and cried because she didn''t really like it. But by the time her wedding day rolled around and she tried it on again, she fell in love with it.

Umm, rereading what I just wrote makes me realize that at some point I stopped talking about you and started talking about me. My main point is that you made the decision you did for a reason, and don''t doubt it. In the long run, you will be happy

 

[dani13]

Roxy-

I agree with you 100%. I have ALWAYS had issues making decisions. Oddly enough, when it came to my e-ring, I pretty much knew what I wanted. But, looking at the bigger picture- I would be lying if I said I never think twice about the marriage thing...I never doubt that I love my FI more than anything, but I think all of us on some level experience some weird feelings when we first get engaged- feelings that pop up every once in awhile, even after we get married. Relationships go through ups and downs- sometimes its great, sometimes its not. That is just part of life.

I have been engaged for 6 months now, and every now and then, I will think: Am I 100% sure I picked the right person to spend my life with? Is this the LAST person I will ever be with? It is a very scary and final decision to make. But then I think about how wonderful my FI is and how he loves me so much and he is my best friend, and I honestly feel like I could not find better than him. We are complete polar opposites on almost every level, but in some way, it just works.

My point is is that everyone has doubts-that is normal. It is just up to you to find out where that line is between normal thoughts and not- so-normal ones. That is the hard part. Prob one of the reasons why the divorce rate is so high...many do not see the warning signs before they make the trip to the altar...plus, some people forget that even healthy relationships take a lot of work...

 

[aljdewey]

I think it''s important to point out that the post-ring-buying experience can be a little anticlimatic too.

For weeks, you focus on getting things just perfect......and everything is a possibility. There is still a choice.....until you buy. And then once you buy, you''re gripped with the reality that the choice is now MADE.....and there are no more possibilities.

It''s natural to wonder if you made the right choice. Happens with many major life choices.....sometimes material (did I buy the right car for me, did I buy the right shoes), and sometimes more than material (am I marrying the right man, is this friend I''m putting my trust in really a friend and really trustworthy?).

Material ones are easy to resolve when you realize that you can have more than one pair of shoes. The car won''t last forever, and there will be a chance to change it in the future. Even the bad haircut choice will grow out and you can change it. And so it is with diamonds, too......even if you are the "never change my e-ring" short, there are several other fingers you can adorn.

Don''t worry - your ring is beautiful.

 

[Mara]

sure you''re a little nutty but we all are, thats why we are here, self-confessed diamond loving wackos...

i want a different stone or ring every other day of the week. sure i love what i have but i covet a princess, an asscher, and maybe even a big ole cushion.

you''ve got other fingers!!! think of it that way. if you do love your setting and stone, it''s not the only one you will ever have.

 

[Melinda]

I woke up, read my post from last night, and thought,"G-d, I sound like a spoiled brat!" Honestly, I sat up last night thinking about what I had written to you guys endlessly.
I realize "Rocky Talky" probably isn''t the proper place for this post, but I need to mention something that I''m assuming few of you have experience with.

My fiancee is profoundly hearing-impaired, and as result, he''s a very poor communicator. He''s professionally accomplished (he''s a vet) and most importantly, LOVES animals as much as I do. These are the things that first attracted me to him. He has a gentle, quiet calmness which I love.
His parents sent him to a "normal" school his whole life, and he never learned to sign. He functions by lip-reading, but he incorrectly "fills in information" on a regular basis. This makes me feel like he doesn''t care to humble himself even the littlest bit to understand me and that his pride is more important than being present in this relationship. I should mention that sometimes this happens every sentence or every other sentence.

I''m almost 32, and I guess I take for granted that we''ve all had to face our demons at one time or another. Honestly, his parents (whom I LOVE) protected him from everything, and he never had a girlfriend, heartbreak, or emotional honesty before me. I know I can''t demand these things of him, but I feel like he spends most of his life riding on other peoples'' coattails, not making himself vulnerable at all. I need him to be present and at least a little vulnerable for me, but there are days (I swear) when he doesn''t talk to me at all. He''d rather appear perfect than loving, and it hurts me! I''m so present for him-- and accepting of him-- 24/7. I''ve been lucky if he gives me any real part of himself 1 day a week.

He knows how I feel, we''ve been working with a great couples therapist for several months, but most of the time it''s me who''s doing all the soul-searching and work for both of us.
This man loves me so much (and I love him)-- and I know he''s afraid of messing up, saying something stupid, etc. But I''d rather he be human and mess up than be nothing at all.

I don''t want to turn this into my bio, but I want to mention that I''ve had M.S. since I was 17. I''ve had a lot of difficulty and handicaps physically and emotionally in my past, and that''s why I can relate to him in a weird way. But sometimes it''s all me putting myself out there while he sits safely and quietly in the wings. I also came from a very abusive family, and so the fact that he and his family want to give me the family I''ve never had is such a HUGE thing.
I''ve told him that I''m committed to him, but that I didn''t think we should plan the wedding until he''s able to learn to be himself a little bit again. (We started dating online, and online communication was easy for him-- that''s why I know what he''s capable of.)

I don''t know what I''m asking you all for. I guess I just don''t quite know what to do.

 

[icekid]

First of all, your ring is absolutely lovely and I know anyone here would be proud to call it their own!

It does sound like there''s probably a lot more going on than a little ring indecision. But it sounds like you are doing the right thing by trying to talk your problems out with him and seeing a therapist. I wish you the best, and hope everything is resolved w/ your fiance soon.

 

[roxy7]

Melissa,

I think it is great that you are confronting any potential issues head on. That said, it seems to me from your story that you and your fiance both lucked out in finding someone wonderful and that you will have a wonderful future together.

 

[dani13]

Melinda-

It does sound like is a lot more going on than just the ring. I think that the ring is making you feel like you have really made the decision to spend your life with this man( as it should) and it is making you start to think now because it is coming down to the wire- you know what I mean? I am sorry you have to go through this. But the bottom line is that everyone has their issues, and especially when you are in a relationship these issues sometimes become more prevalent. I do think it is a good idea for you and your fi to continue to see a therapist, and maybe put the wedding planning on hold for a little while- there is no rush, right? You dont want to make a big mistake by marrying him at this point if you are unsure. I think both of you have issues that need to be worked out so that your relationship will flourish and continue to grow in a positive way. I am convinced that EVERYONE can benefit from therapy. We are always here and willing to help, so please dont ever hesistate to reach out, but in the meantime professional help seems to be a good idea...

 

[Mara]

Melinda, I don''t what to say other than you have outlined the reasons why you find this man wonderful and fell in love with him, sometimes you just have to accept the other person for who they are and not try to change them too much, I do agree it would be great if every need could be fulfilled equally as fully, but that''s not always the case. Sometimes it''s hard for people to change who they really are and how they express themselves...maybe over time he will feel more free with expressiveness.

I am typically not an expressive person at all and it''s hard for me to remember that many people ARE...so I have to try harder many times to communicate the right way...for example Greg comes from a super loving/affectionate family who always tells each other they love each other and they are always hugging and kissing and my family could not be more opposite. I know my mom and dad love me to death but we actually say the words maybe once a year? And we are not affectionate at all in terms of hugs and kisses etc. So sometimes I have to remember to try to be more affectionate even though that is not how I was raised...I am very affectionate with Greg most of the time but it definitely does not come as easily to me as it does to him. It''s a good thing he knows this about me and knows it does not mean I love him any less or anything like that. Maybe not the same scenario really but I am sure a less-secure person in his situation may feel like I am withdrawn or don''t love them as much, but he knows that is not the case. And he accepts me for who I am.

So not to say that you can''t change a bit of who you are but it is very hard to change a CORE part of you..and if he feels protective of himself emotionally it could take a while to get through that, I would urge that you not take on any of that as feeling like he doesn''t love you enough or anything as it may just be something he has to work through on his own time.