Trying not to sound greedy ;)

[Winslet]

There were a few guests who didn''t give us gifts at our wedding and, with the exception of ONE of those people, I wasn''t bothered in the least.

The one person who did irk me for lack of gift giving, however, is one of DH''s closest friends. I don''t know why, but this particular friend had bragged to us and our whole group of friends about what a HUGE gift he was planning to give us for the wedding. It didn''t even occur to us until we were almost done writing our thank-you''s that we didn''t have a gift from him.

DH asked him if his gift might have been misplaced (read: VERY innocent question coming from DH, especially since the friend had hyped it up for months). When asked, he just shuffled his feet and mumbled something about not having enough money in his checking account to give us what he WANTED to give us. That''s just fine, except that he never even wrote us a card or actually ever congratulated us on our marriage.

What really bothered my husband, though, was that a few days later the friend mentioned how he''d just bought himself a $400 collector''s edition video game console. I felt so bad for DH, who was torn between being angry at his friend and being ashamed of himself for having expected anything in the first place

 

[Gleam]

I am in total shock sitting here.

I would be absolutely shocked if a guest showed up at my wedding without a gift, especially if it is a close friend or family member. I have never, ever heard of not bringing a gift to a wedding.

Wanting a gift isn't about greed. It's about wanting others to honor what is a special rite of passage in one's life, which (unless explicitly stated otherwise) gifts play a large part in. Not to mention I wouldn't even attend a dinner party without bringing a hostess gift -- why in the world would someone attend a wedding without a gift?

Even my MOST clueless male friends bring gifts to weddings. And I always make sure they spend "enough" (they make good livings -- they're just too clueless to know that buying ONE FORK from the registry is simply too stingy) for good taste and generosity of spirit.

Good grief. I think I might have a seizure over this or something. I am in total shock. You ladies are handling this with tact and aplomb. I'm not a greedy person, but the symbolic meaning of someone NOT bringing a gift or card would be enough for me to write that person out of my life forever.

A serious question: what do you think caused these people not to bring gifts? Cheapness? Inconsideration? What was the reason, do you think?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I think I posted in this thread awhile ago. We didn''t receive gifts from several people, some were very very close friends of ours. Will I write them out of my life because of this? No, of course not. Now, if they didn''t show and didn''t acknowledge the event, then I might have an issue, but I''m also the type who''s not really afraid of confrontation so I''d probably mention how disappointed I was to not have them there.

I think for the most part in our case the people who didn''t bring gifts just didn''t have the money at the time. I''d rather give a card and then a sizable gift later than give a cheesy gift at the time, so I''ve been known to not bring a gift. I ALWAYS bring a card though. I think it''s also a regional/cultural thing. In some areas of the country cash gifts are big and always brought to the actual event, either in a card or handed to the groom. Other areas presents are given and are usually sent in advance of the even. It all depends.

 

[Gleam]

Date: 11/20/2009 9:43:18 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I think for the most part in our case the people who didn't bring gifts just didn't have the money at the time. I'd rather give a card and then a sizable gift later than give a cheesy gift at the time, so I've been known to not bring a gift. I ALWAYS bring a card though. I think it's also a regional/cultural thing. In some areas of the country cash gifts are big and always brought to the actual event, either in a card or handed to the groom. Other areas presents are given and are usually sent in advance of the even. It all depends.

There are plenty of inexpensive gifts that can be given that would mean a lot. At a recent wedding, a mutual friend gave the bride and groom a hand-drawn portrait of their dog. It was a great hit, and very special. The bride and groom had the drawing framed. One of my sorority sisters received little notebook full of handwritten recipes that were the gift giver's favorites. These don't sound "cheesy" to me. They sound thoughtful and heartfelt.

A very good crock pot can be ordered from Amazon for $20. A gift doesn't have to be $200 or nothing.

It's the thought, not the money. I can think of any number of wonderful gifts to give and receive for under $10. I don't think I can have enough cheap and cheerful picture frames, for example.

I don't like to give people excuses. There is something to be said for the person who just frankly says, "Gleam, I love you with all my heart. I just don't have the money to give you a gift, but I just want to tell you how happy I am for you and how glad I am to be here to spend this special day with you." But to just show up without a gift? And not acknowledge why? Bad manners, there's no other way to explain it. Someone who just shows up to enjoy the festivities yet does nothing to acknowledge the occasion... I didn't even know people like this were so common. I'm glad I haven't heard any of these stories through my friends. It seems like our group is on top of wedding etiquette.

But I guess if it is a "regular thing" for some members of a social circle to show up without gifts, it wouldn't be unexpected for their friends to show up without gifts to their own wedding. Each group has its own ideas of what's appropriate.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 11/20/2009 9:53:55 AM
Author: Gleam

Date: 11/20/2009 9:43:18 AM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

I think for the most part in our case the people who didn''t bring gifts just didn''t have the money at the time. I''d rather give a card and then a sizable gift later than give a cheesy gift at the time, so I''ve been known to not bring a gift. I ALWAYS bring a card though. I think it''s also a regional/cultural thing. In some areas of the country cash gifts are big and always brought to the actual event, either in a card or handed to the groom. Other areas presents are given and are usually sent in advance of the even. It all depends.

There are plenty of inexpensive gifts that can be given that would mean a lot. At a recent wedding, a mutual friend gave the bride and groom a hand-drawn portrait of their dog. It was a great hit, and very special. The bride and groom had the drawing framed. One of my sorority sisters received little notebook full of handwritten recipes that were the gift giver''s favorites. These don''t sound ''cheesy'' to me. They sound thoughtful and heartfelt.


A very good crock pot can be ordered from Amazon for $20. A gift doesn''t have to be $200 or nothing.


It''s the thought, not the money. I can think of any number of wonderful gifts to give and receive for under $10. I don''t think I can have enough cheap and cheerful picture frames, for example.


I don''t like to give people excuses. There is something to be said for the person who just frankly says, ''Gleam, I love you with all my heart. I just don''t have the money to give you a gift, but I just want to tell you how happy I am for you and how glad I am to be here to spend this special day with you.'' But to just show up without a gift? And not acknowledge why? Bad manners, there''s no other way to explain it. Someone who just shows up to enjoy the festivities yet does nothing to acknowledge the occasion... I didn''t even know people like this were so common. I''m glad I haven''t heard any of these stories through my friends. It seems like our group is on top of wedding etiquette.


But I guess if it is a ''regular thing'' for some members of a social circle to show up without gifts, it wouldn''t be unexpected for their friends to show up without gifts to their own wedding. Each group has its own ideas of what''s appropriate.

I haven''t seen you around PS much, though I''ve been away for a bit, so you don''t know me and I don''t know you. I''m going to tell it like I see it in this instance. I think that''s a really arrogant and classless thing to say.

I agree, I don''t like to give excuses either; however, In my case (and my social circle) I''d also prefer to give a gift which I know the B&G will love and treasure a little late, and not a $20 bill or a crap picture frame on the day of the event. Like I said, a card is always given at the event and there''s always a heartfelt note in it explaining that their gift is forthcoming. And if we''re throwing around etiquette, it''s poor manners to ASSUME people are going to give you gifts. Gifts are not obligatory, they are gifts given out of generosity and well wishes, not because of fear of judgment from the Ton.

 

[wyndham]

Date: 11/19/2009 8:30:03 PM
Author: kama_s

Date: 9/20/2009 2:05:51 PM
Author: katamari

ETA: It also made me reconsider how much FI and I gift. We are gracious gifters. We have never given less than $200 or a $200 present for a wedding. However, seeing how few $200+ gifts we got, it almost made us uncomfortable to have given that much. (We also, though, didn''t have a formal reception, so maybe people were using the ''covering your plate'' rule).

We had the same predicament. We had friends attend our wedding and give us quite a generous gift, but much under what we normally give. We just attended their wedding and spent our usual 250$. They felt really bad and guilty for not giving us the same amount and it put us in a really awkward position. Considering what we received at our wedding, I, too, am wondering if we are making others uncomfortable by our gifts?

Ditto this!
We usually give gifts in the $200-$250 range as well, so my husband and I were surprised to receive a few $50 gifts from friends whose weddings we''ve recently attended. I wouldn''t mind if it was a money issue, but these friends are all fine financially so we weren''t really sure what the deal was. Conversely, we had friends who are currently poor graduate school students who gave us incredibly generous gifts, so we had both experiences!

Question for you ladies: if people who attended your wedding are getting married in the next year, what will you plan to give them as a gift? Something similar to what they gave you? Something that''s in your ''standard'' range? What if they gave you a gift that was far less expensive than what you would normally spend on their gift? Just curious to see what the consensus is!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 11/20/2009 10:07:15 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 11/20/2009 9:53:55 AM

Author: Gleam

Date: 11/20/2009 9:43:18 AM


Author: Hudson_Hawk


I think for the most part in our case the people who didn't bring gifts just didn't have the money at the time. I'd rather give a card and then a sizable gift later than give a cheesy gift at the time, so I've been known to not bring a gift. I ALWAYS bring a card though. I think it's also a regional/cultural thing. In some areas of the country cash gifts are big and always brought to the actual event, either in a card or handed to the groom. Other areas presents are given and are usually sent in advance of the even. It all depends.

There are plenty of inexpensive gifts that can be given that would mean a lot. At a recent wedding, a mutual friend gave the bride and groom a hand-drawn portrait of their dog. It was a great hit, and very special. The bride and groom had the drawing framed. One of my sorority sisters received little notebook full of handwritten recipes that were the gift giver's favorites. These don't sound 'cheesy' to me. They sound thoughtful and heartfelt.



A very good crock pot can be ordered from Amazon for $20. A gift doesn't have to be $200 or nothing.



It's the thought, not the money. I can think of any number of wonderful gifts to give and receive for under $10. I don't think I can have enough cheap and cheerful picture frames, for example.



I don't like to give people excuses. There is something to be said for the person who just frankly says, 'Gleam, I love you with all my heart. I just don't have the money to give you a gift, but I just want to tell you how happy I am for you and how glad I am to be here to spend this special day with you.' But to just show up without a gift? And not acknowledge why? Bad manners, there's no other way to explain it. Someone who just shows up to enjoy the festivities yet does nothing to acknowledge the occasion... I didn't even know people like this were so common. I'm glad I haven't heard any of these stories through my friends. It seems like our group is on top of wedding etiquette.



But I guess if it is a 'regular thing' for some members of a social circle to show up without gifts, it wouldn't be unexpected for their friends to show up without gifts to their own wedding. Each group has its own ideas of what's appropriate.

I haven't seen you around PS much, though I've been away for a bit, so you don't know me and I don't know you. I'm going to tell it like I see it in this instance. I think that's a really arrogant and classless thing to say.


I agree, I don't like to give excuses either; however, In my case (and my social circle) I'd also prefer to give a gift which I know the B&G will love and treasure a little late, and not a $20 bill or a crap picture frame on the day of the event. Like I said, a card is always given at the event and there's always a heartfelt note in it explaining that their gift is forthcoming. And if we're throwing around etiquette, it's poor manners to ASSUME people are going to give you gifts. Gifts are not obligatory, they are gifts given out of generosity and well wishes, not because of fear of judgment from the Ton.

Well said Hudson. We received a gift after the wedding because it was being shipped a little late. It's a beautiful hand carved wine rack we can use and I personally know a lot of thought went into it and I'd rather have it late than have the people give us 20 bucks instead because it couldn't be ordered in time....I've said my 2 cents

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/20/2009 9:53:55 AM
Author: Gleam

Date: 11/20/2009 9:43:18 AM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

I think for the most part in our case the people who didn''t bring gifts just didn''t have the money at the time. I''d rather give a card and then a sizable gift later than give a cheesy gift at the time, so I''ve been known to not bring a gift. I ALWAYS bring a card though. I think it''s also a regional/cultural thing. In some areas of the country cash gifts are big and always brought to the actual event, either in a card or handed to the groom. Other areas presents are given and are usually sent in advance of the even. It all depends.

There are plenty of inexpensive gifts that can be given that would mean a lot. At a recent wedding, a mutual friend gave the bride and groom a hand-drawn portrait of their dog. It was a great hit, and very special. The bride and groom had the drawing framed. One of my sorority sisters received little notebook full of handwritten recipes that were the gift giver''s favorites. These don''t sound ''cheesy'' to me. They sound thoughtful and heartfelt.


A very good crock pot can be ordered from Amazon for $20. A gift doesn''t have to be $200 or nothing.


It''s the thought, not the money. I can think of any number of wonderful gifts to give and receive for under $10. I don''t think I can have enough cheap and cheerful picture frames, for example.


I don''t like to give people excuses. There is something to be said for the person who just frankly says, ''Gleam, I love you with all my heart. I just don''t have the money to give you a gift, but I just want to tell you how happy I am for you and how glad I am to be here to spend this special day with you.'' But to just show up without a gift? And not acknowledge why? Bad manners, there''s no other way to explain it. Someone who just shows up to enjoy the festivities yet does nothing to acknowledge the occasion... I didn''t even know people like this were so common. I''m glad I haven''t heard any of these stories through my friends. It seems like our group is on top of wedding etiquette.


But I guess if it is a ''regular thing'' for some members of a social circle to show up without gifts, it wouldn''t be unexpected for their friends to show up without gifts to their own wedding. Each group has its own ideas of what''s appropriate.

Gifts are NOT required and should NOT be expected. So if you expect a gift, then that is where the bad manners lie in this situation-not on someone who shows up at a wedding without a gift.

We had friends that did not bring wedding gifts-and I personally would never write them off because of it. And personally some of my favorite wedding "gifts" were cards.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 11/20/2009 5:10:25 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 11/20/2009 9:53:55 AM

Author: Gleam

Date: 11/20/2009 9:43:18 AM


Author: Hudson_Hawk


I think for the most part in our case the people who didn''t bring gifts just didn''t have the money at the time. I''d rather give a card and then a sizable gift later than give a cheesy gift at the time, so I''ve been known to not bring a gift. I ALWAYS bring a card though. I think it''s also a regional/cultural thing. In some areas of the country cash gifts are big and always brought to the actual event, either in a card or handed to the groom. Other areas presents are given and are usually sent in advance of the even. It all depends.

There are plenty of inexpensive gifts that can be given that would mean a lot. At a recent wedding, a mutual friend gave the bride and groom a hand-drawn portrait of their dog. It was a great hit, and very special. The bride and groom had the drawing framed. One of my sorority sisters received little notebook full of handwritten recipes that were the gift giver''s favorites. These don''t sound ''cheesy'' to me. They sound thoughtful and heartfelt.



A very good crock pot can be ordered from Amazon for $20. A gift doesn''t have to be $200 or nothing.



It''s the thought, not the money. I can think of any number of wonderful gifts to give and receive for under $10. I don''t think I can have enough cheap and cheerful picture frames, for example.



I don''t like to give people excuses. There is something to be said for the person who just frankly says, ''Gleam, I love you with all my heart. I just don''t have the money to give you a gift, but I just want to tell you how happy I am for you and how glad I am to be here to spend this special day with you.'' But to just show up without a gift? And not acknowledge why? Bad manners, there''s no other way to explain it. Someone who just shows up to enjoy the festivities yet does nothing to acknowledge the occasion... I didn''t even know people like this were so common. I''m glad I haven''t heard any of these stories through my friends. It seems like our group is on top of wedding etiquette.



But I guess if it is a ''regular thing'' for some members of a social circle to show up without gifts, it wouldn''t be unexpected for their friends to show up without gifts to their own wedding. Each group has its own ideas of what''s appropriate.

Gifts are NOT required and should NOT be expected. So if you expect a gift, then that is where the bad manners lie in this situation-not on someone who shows up at a wedding without a gift.


We had friends that did not bring wedding gifts-and I personally would never write them off because of it. And personally some of my favorite wedding ''gifts'' were cards.

Ditto to this as well. Our favorite gift was from dh''s great grandpa who lost his wife about 8 years ago. He is over 100 years old and has a lot of trouble writing. But he got a scratch piece of paper and wrote on it about his wedding day 70 years ago on the same day as we got married and how much it meant for him to be there. Absolutely without a doubt our favorite gift. Some people showed up whom I didn''t expect to come as well without gifts but I was just so happy to see them, I really didn''t care

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 11/20/2009 9:19:39 AM
Author: Gleam
I am in total shock sitting here.

I would be absolutely shocked if a guest showed up at my wedding without a gift, especially if it is a close friend or family member. I have never, ever heard of not bringing a gift to a wedding.

Wanting a gift isn't about greed. It's about wanting others to honor what is a special rite of passage in one's life, which (unless explicitly stated otherwise) gifts play a large part in. Not to mention I wouldn't even attend a dinner party without bringing a hostess gift -- why in the world would someone attend a wedding without a gift?

Even my MOST clueless male friends bring gifts to weddings. And I always make sure they spend 'enough' (they make good livings -- they're just too clueless to know that buying ONE FORK from the registry is simply too stingy) for good taste and generosity of spirit.

Good grief. I think I might have a seizure over this or something. I am in total shock. You ladies are handling this with tact and aplomb. I'm not a greedy person, but the symbolic meaning of someone NOT bringing a gift or card would be enough for me to write that person out of my life forever.

A serious question: what do you think caused these people not to bring gifts? Cheapness? Inconsideration? What was the reason, do you think?

Guests honor the special rite of passage by attending the wedding and taking part in your joy and festivities, not by spending "enough" on a present. I can't believe you would write someone out of your life (someone special enough to invite to your wedding) because they didn't give you a gift. That's really sad.

There can be a myriad of reasons why someone doesn't bring a gift. As long as it's not out of spite or to purposely hurt the B&G, I don't understand the outrage.

ETA - Oh, and maybe you haven't heard about this from any of your friends because it would be pretty classless IMHO to go around complaining to your friends that you didn't receive enough wedding gifts.

 

[exoticisabella]

Wow, I was really crossing my fingers that people wouldn't keep track of this so well and I have to say that I am kind of hurt by it too. Hubby had to take time off without pay (a total of two weeks) and my hours were permanently cut (38hrs to 28 hrs per week - OUCH!) when his cousin was married in August. We had NO, NONE, NOT EVEN CLOSE extra income for gifts at that time and felt bad that all we gave was a card. And no, we didn't have time to save for one either. We knew that they were getting married but didn't know when until one month before. When his other cousin is married in January we will be able to buy a gift as hubby's leave is done with and I have a promotion that begins in two weeks. Times are very tough right now and it may be that several people are truly in a pinch (however most of us don't want the outside world to always know this). I feel that to say that is it class-less to show up without a gift is a form of greed. I would much rather have my friend/familiy there to celebrate with me then worry about a gift!

 

[FrekeChild]

Hmmmm....

Is it weird that I don''t want people to bring us gifts? I mean they are spending hundreds (in some cases, thousands) of dollars to COME to my wedding.

I don''t need a gift to prove to me what a close friend they are. Their presence is gift enough.

I''m with Hudson on the rest.

 

[swimmer]

Date: 11/20/2009 9:19:39 AM
Author: Gleam
I am in total shock sitting here.


I would be absolutely shocked if a guest showed up at my wedding without a gift, especially if it is a close friend or family member. I have never, ever heard of not bringing a gift to a wedding.


Wanting a gift isn''t about greed. It''s about wanting others to honor what is a special rite of passage in one''s life, which (unless explicitly stated otherwise) gifts play a large part in. Not to mention I wouldn''t even attend a dinner party without bringing a hostess gift -- why in the world would someone attend a wedding without a gift?


Even my MOST clueless male friends bring gifts to weddings. And I always make sure they spend ''enough'' (they make good livings -- they''re just too clueless to know that buying ONE FORK from the registry is simply too stingy) for good taste and generosity of spirit.


Good grief. I think I might have a seizure over this or something. I am in total shock. You ladies are handling this with tact and aplomb. I''m not a greedy person, but the symbolic meaning of someone NOT bringing a gift or card would be enough for me to write that person out of my life forever.


A serious question: what do you think caused these people not to bring gifts? Cheapness? Inconsideration? What was the reason, do you think?

Whoa Gleam, I guess you aren''t registered for silver are you? I adored getting a fork or spoon in the mail! I''m not thinking that a $140 utensil is being stingy and I don''t think BB&B sells utensils as singles...

It can even be inconsiderate to bring the gift to the wedding depending on where the bride and groom live and where the ceremony is held. Your post left me more cold than the few folks who sent presents later when they found the perfect item to celebrate with us.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 11/21/2009 12:24:12 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Hmmmm....

Is it weird that I don''t want people to bring us gifts? I mean they are spending hundreds (in some cases, thousands) of dollars to COME to my wedding.

I don''t need a gift to prove to me what a close friend they are. Their presence is gift enough.

I''m with Hudson on the rest.

Nope. We didn''t regiser and asked that no one give gifts. If people insisted we asked them to make a donation to a charity instead. We got a few items that are beautiful and meaningful and most made donations or just brought a card.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 11/21/2009 12:24:12 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Hmmmm....


Is it weird that I don''t want people to bring us gifts? I mean they are spending hundreds (in some cases, thousands) of dollars to COME to my wedding.


I don''t need a gift to prove to me what a close friend they are. Their presence is gift enough.


I''m with Hudson on the rest.

Would you accept a gift purchased at a certain convention held in LV at the same time as your wedding? Wouldn''t that be fun to open in front of grammy? LOL...

 

[Smurfysmiles]

OT: Hudson I love your new profile picture
That''s all!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Thanks Jo, it''s actually a recycled one I had up ages ago, it''s from my B-pics.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Date: 9/8/2009 4:59:14 PM
Author: Haven
For example, I *always* show up to weddings empty handed, because where I come from it is considered rude to bring a gift to the wedding. Instead, we send the gift to the bride''s home prior to the actual wedding, as that way the couple does not have the burden of managing the gifts during the reception (prevention of theft and whatnot) and of transporting a lot of gifts from the reception site to their home at the end of their wedding. However, I see many people bringing envelopes and large gifts to actual receptions these days.

My mother feels the same way about bringing a gift to the actual event. I was telling her we''d need a table to put gifts on and she was really surprised. She didn''t think people would bring an actual gift to the wedding. Most weddings I''ve been to, there''s always been a gift table. I wonder when the tradition changed.

 

[megumic]

This is definitely an interesting topic...

While I think it is most appropriate etiquette to bring/send/give a card and a gift when attending a wedding, I do not think the gift is required, but the card definitely is!

Personally, I think it''s important to show brides and grooms of weddings I attend that I support their passage into this new phase of life and I like to give a gift as a token of my commitment to supporting them in their life together.

If the couple is saving for a house, cash it is. If the couple has registered for dishes to host many dinners, dishes it is. If the couple appreciates fun art, I''ll find something I know they''ll love. Whatever it is the couple is working towards at that moment is where I like to put my thought and support when it comes to gifting.

I''ll admit, that as a bride-to-be I do expect wedding gifts. But only to the extent that friends and family are in a position to give us a gift. I would sincerely appreciate a kind note than nothing at all. Also, I''m a big believer that if I don''t have expectations, I won''t be disappointed -- maybe I should drop the expectations now...(I was honestly shocked after reading this thread!)

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Not bringing a gift is ok in my book.

Not bringing a card or a note, a little strange and causes me to scratch my head. No matter how broke you are, I''m still sure you have enough to get an envelope and a piece of paper, and jot something down. My favorite card was written on printer paper and put in a little red envelope, it was fantastic and came with illustrations, haha.

The only person I found downright rude at my wedding was the person who came without being invited, didn''t bring a gift or a card, and then complained to me (the bride) about how she didn''t like the "weird chinese food". Oh yeah, and then got blazing drunk at the open bar and danced around like a stripper. Very classy. It was a distant relative of my hubby''s who thankfully I will probably never see again.

 

[emeraldlover1]

This is very interesting. Two months after our wedding some gifts are still coming in. I''ve been overwhelmed by the generosity of some of our friends that didn''t make it to our wedding as well as those that did. What I have found the most surprising is that we still have about 15 guests or so that didn''t even give us a card. Two of them were bridesmaids.

 

[gwendolyn]

I don''t like the comments some people in this thread have made about others'' financial situations, saying "oh so-and-so are fine financially, they could''ve given us more." How do you know? No one really knows the details of anyone else''s financial situation in enough detail to be able to judge, and lots of people put up the front or talk like they have money to family and friends because it''s quite embarrassing to admit that they really don''t have the money for gifts. Being upset that someone "only" gave you a $50 gift instead of something more expensive horrifies me. Maybe that''s the most they could afford, and they still took the time and effort to get you SOMETHING. There have been times when I''ve been slow to give gifts because of financial situations and it''s uncomfortable to have to admit it, but I would be livid if anyone was upset at my not-expensive-enough-for-them gift. Get some perspective.

Perhaps I am in the minority, but it''s more than enough to spend quality time with the people I care about. Gifts are a bonus, but not a single person should feel like they need to ''cover their plate'' or any of that nonsense, even my parents. I want them to celebrate with me, so they get an invite and will hopefully come. Anything more is extra.

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/29/2009 1:28:54 PM
Author: gwendolyn


Perhaps I am in the minority, but it''s more than enough to spend quality time with the people I care about. Gifts are a bonus, but not a single person should feel like they need to ''cover their plate'' or any of that nonsense, even my parents. I want them to celebrate with me, so they get an invite and will hopefully come. Anything more is extra.

I totally agree with this. We had some people that came to our wedding and didn''t give a gift/card and I couldn''t give a toss as I was just so delighted that they were there to share our day with us. We of course appreciated any gift that we were given and we were thrilled to receive them but they weren''t expected. I was just so happy that everyone that meant something to us were there to join in the celebrations.

 

[megumic]

I don''t think any of us brides (or grooms, or others!) can deny that gifts don''t come to mind when you think wedding. A union between two people calls for a celebration which often results in gifts to help the new couple get started on their life together - engagement gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts -- too many gifts sometimes!

I don''t think anyone means to assess another''s gift giving capability. While I think it''s not always obvious that someone may be struggling financially, sometimes it is obvious when they are not having financial difficulty. Further, I think most brides and grooms have some sense of their guests financial situations. I know for us, we''re close with nearly all of our guests and we have a sense of their financial situation - it''s not really a taboo topic in our circle.

So I can understand how some may be offended if wealthy Aunt Mildred stiffs a wedding gift. It could be read as an insult, thoughtlessness, lack of support for the marriage, greed, etc. But yes, a gift should be a thoughtful token offered to the couple out of generosity, not something that causes financial difficulty.

LESSON: don''t get too wrapped up in wedding gifts whether you''re on the giving or receiving end!