To those who hyphenated...

[Fly Girl]

I didn't hyphenate, although I use my maiden name as my middle name. Most of the time I'm just MyFirstName HisLastName. It sounds funny at first to change last names, but you get used it. I really did the change because I figured it would make my life easier. I have no doubt that it has.

We had been married about two years when we were tasked with being greeters at church. You stand at the door just before the Sunday service and smile, shake people's hand, and welcome them. After that they go into the church. Well, this young woman came with her brand new husband, and we shook their hands and she gave her name, then his name, then launched into a lengthly explanation about why they have different names and why she is hyphenating her name, and it was all rather irritating since I really didn't care. You see, others don't care what your name is, and more than that, people hate having to remember complicated names. They just prefer easier.

Anyhow, after that lengthy church greeting, I was very glad I never have to explain why my name is what it is.

My point is, if you do hypenate, don't bother explaining it to everyone that you meet as they may not care.

 

[Imdanny]

Danny, names are complicated creatures, aren't they?

They really are.

 

[HollyS]

I was 48 when I married, so I did not legally change my name. Or hyphenate. I use my married last name socially, and call myself that name. But my signature remained the same old same old. Nobody, surprisingly, is ever confused by this, so it works out quite well.

 

[rubybeth]

Rubybeth, I love the way you and your husband handled the name change...

Piggybacking a little on the OP's question, for those with two unhyphenated last names, do you find that people only use the second when addressing you? As in:

A: Hello, B, meet my friend Mary Smith Jones.
B: Oh, hello M(r)s. Jones, it's nice to meet you.

Or:

Mary Smith Jones
123 Residential Street
Anytown, USA 12345

I do occasionally get mail or greetings addressed to "Mrs. Johnson" instead of "Ms. Smith Johnson" (my preference), but we did have to explain to parents and grandparents that they cannot write checks to "Mrs. Beth Johnson" since our bank won't always take them. At my workplace, we collect first, middle, and last names, and it's very clear in our database what is the 'last name' so I always address to 'Ms. Full Last Name.'

I'd say the issues with banks were the most annoying, because they could NOT understand that we had separate accounts and that checks would be written to "Beth and Steve Johnson" when those names weren't on our account. I mean, duh. We switched banks after that and now usually get cash as gifts.

Like ladypirate said, our double last name is quite long and is actually VERY German-sounding, like "Liebniez Bjorndson," it's quite a mouthful but I always introduce myself as Beth Liebniez Bjorndson and he says he is Steve Liebniez Bjorndson, so people eventually 'get' it.

One drawback that I just thought of was not about ME changing my name but about HIM changing his name. People have had some... interesting... reactions to him changing his name. Some have been wildly positive (women generally love that he did this) and others have been skeptical and ask all kinds of questions about why. He usually says that we joined each other's families upon marrying, and that he's proud to be both a Liebniez and a Bjorndson.

 

[star sparkle]

Like Pandora, I was born into a hyphenated name and it's been way more trouble than it's worth. Even when I was younger (beginning once I learned how to write my name), I always thought that I couldn't WAIT to get married and have only one last name. I distinctly remember my first day of first grade, seeing my name-tag on my desk, and thinking "How on earth am I ever going to learn to write all that?" To my credit, my first and last names together are 23 letters long, and that's not even including my middle name! What a daunting task for a 5 year old.

Even still, I'm tired of my hyphenated name. People don't understand it, it's always misspelled, and the federal government (my employer) doesn't recognize hyphenated names in all of its internal systems and databases. So when I need to be found, sometimes it's difficult because some people use the first part of my hyphenated name as my middle name and the second as my last, switch it all around, or one name is dropped altogether. I hate it.

 

[jstarfireb]

It seems like these are the options a woman has for what to do with her name when she gets married:

1) Keep her maiden name legally and refer to herself by whichever name she wants in a given situation
2) Change her last name to her husband's and either keep her middle name or replace it with her maiden name
3) Hyphenate
4) Take 2 last names (Maiden Married)
5) Both partners change, add, hyphenate, or amalgamate their names

Am I missing any? Clearly #1 is the easiest option. #3 was the only option for me based on my and my husband's personal preferences (I wanted #1 and nixed #4; husband wanted #2 and nixed #5).

As much as having a hyphenated name can be a pain, I think having 2 last names or a maiden name as a middle name can actually be a lot more confusing. A lot of us mentioned that people don't know which initial to file us under and stuff like that. I maintain that it should be a no-brainer if you hyphenate because it's one word rather than 2, but people still get it wrong. But I can't imagine that it's easier to get right if you have 2 last names. If your name is Jane Maiden Married, it's difficult to figure out if your maiden name is a last name or a middle name unless you explain it. Like Hillary Rodham Clinton...is the Rodham a middle or last name? I still don't know! And if you do have 2 last names, people automatically assume that the second name is your last name and your maiden name is a middle name, and you get filed under your married name.

Hyphenating my name was (at least I thought) a way to let the world clearly know that my maiden name comes first, literally and figuratively. It's just frustrating when people don't get that.

 

[star sparkle]

It seems like these are the options a woman has for what to do with her name when she gets married:

1) Keep her maiden name legally and refer to herself by whichever name she wants in a given situation
2) Change her last name to her husband's and either keep her middle name or replace it with her maiden name
3) Hyphenate
4) Take 2 last names (Maiden Married)
5) Both partners change, add, hyphenate, or amalgamate their names

Am I missing any? Clearly #1 is the easiest option. #3 was the only option for me based on my and my husband's personal preferences (I wanted #1 and nixed #4; husband wanted #2 and nixed #5).

As much as having a hyphenated name can be a pain, I think having 2 last names or a maiden name as a middle name can actually be a lot more confusing. A lot of us mentioned that people don't know which initial to file us under and stuff like that. I maintain that it should be a no-brainer if you hyphenate because it's one word rather than 2, but people still get it wrong. But I can't imagine that it's easier to get right if you have 2 last names. If your name is Jane Maiden Married, it's difficult to figure out if your maiden name is a last name or a middle name unless you explain it. Like Hillary Rodham Clinton...is the Rodham a middle or last name? I still don't know! And if you do have 2 last names, people automatically assume that the second name is your last name and your maiden name is a middle name, and you get filed under your married name.

Agreed...it SHOULD be a no brainer, but unfortunately it's too much for a lot of people to handle.

One thing I'm a little bitter about is that since I was born with a hyphenated name, that pretty much took away my choice to keep my maiden name AND take future DH's. Obviously I'm not going to hyphenate again, and having a hyphenated middle name would be pretty silly.

Good thing I can't wait to get rid of my name, but what if I had wanted to hyphenate my maiden with future DH's last? My parents would have taken that option away from me.

 

[jstarfireb]

Star sparkle, I never really thought about that...it's kind of unfair that your parents kind of limited your choices in names. I suppose you could re-hyphenate and replace your middle name with one of your old names when you get married, but that's also confusing. Like if your name is Mary Anne Star-Sparkle now, and you marry a guy named Joe Price, you could change your name to Mary Sparkle Star-Price or Mary Star Sparkle-Price. But yes, your choices are limited, and that sucks.

If I change my mind and decide to have kids, I wouldn't impose my hyphenated name on them! I like the idea of giving the girls the mother's name and the boys the father's name, but since my husband wouldn't go for that, they'd all get his name. But I wouldn't mind quite as much because at least the name would match their ethnicity (I'm white and he's Asian, and the kids would be half-Asian and have his very Chinese last name).