TMI?

[monarch64]

Mara touched on something I think is very important too...she said sometimes others might feel like she gives off a certain vibe of anger or whatever just because she''s deep in thought or whatever...I have had people tell me the same thing, that I look "unapproachable" or "angry" or I didn''t wave hello at someone in passing while driving and that hurt them! I hate knowing that people think that of me! I''ve also been told I''m the sweetest person in the world and very nice, which I think is more fitting of my personality. But when I''m really concentrating I think I do probably have a certain look on my face of intensity that could come across as anger or frustration to someone whether they know me well or not, and I really have to try to stop and focus on the outside world instead of my inner thoughts sometimes, otherwise I risk being very off-putting. Just a thought I wanted to flesh out...

 

[TravelingGal]

Gypsy, without having met you, the only thing you have ever struck me as is opinionated. You and and the other 99% of PSers!

I''m rough around the edges. Blunt. A lot of other things that can really rub people the wrong way when I wanna just be me. But I''ve learned to temper it all, especially since I am in sales. I looked through the topics of the book that Deco mentioned, and I pretty much do most of those things. I don''t care to make any new friends (like Mara, I really don''t care to have any more new friends because I focus my energy on the ones I have), but when I meet new people I am simply more interested in learning about them than having them learn about me. One of the golden rules of sales is "people like people who like them." I ask questions, listen, and remember. I have been very succesful in my career because I stand out as someone who is genuinely interested in people rather than pitching products. You would not believe how difficult that is for most salespeople, and we are supposed to be good at that kind of crap.

My cousin''s boyfriend can drive me nuts. I know deep down he is truly a good soul. But he has a comment on EVERYTHING. He''s intense. He says things without thinking. He just knows it all. Being around him is draining and when I see him coming, I just want to run because the hair rises on the back of my neck.

I find that in this world, there are very few people in the world, who upon meeting me, care what I am thinking or feeling. But I find the vast majority would like it if I care about what they arre thinking or feeling. Shifting my perspective to understand this and to make that effort has come a long way in having people care about me.

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Dixie,

Okay, so I may have to adjust the definition somewhat.

It''s going to take me a little while to mull everything in this thread over and process it. But I will take the positive away from the intense as well as the bad conotations of it.

I don''t think I can or would want to stop being passionate and unique and ''me''. But I think there is a way to be honest, genuine and passionate without wearing it like a sword and bashing people about the end with it. And maybe that''s what I mean about the core and the dressing. I think I need to revise the way I present myself a bit.

I think that''s the part of the self reflection and the revising. Thank you for the comment on self reflecting showing character. I don''t think it''s a flaw to know that something is wrong, admit it and ask for help. And that''s really all I''m doing. Thanks so much for giving me such positive food for thought.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

{{{Gypsy!}}} Gosh, I don''t see you in a negative light at all! I think a lot of us here are blunt and honest, but isn''t it good to be honest as long as it is not hurtful?

In my real life, I have a few good friends. But how often do I really do something with them? Not all that often! People are busy and there is little time to hang out with friends, especially for those who have kids. And those like you who probably work long hours, just have little time left after running errands and doing what needs to be done at home. I basically have friends I see at work and friends I see at church. I spend more time on here than I do with real life friends. I mean, who wants to hang out with me at 10:30 on a Friday night to look at ring settings? YOU, that''s who!

So don''t downplay virutal friends too much. I''m seeing more and more couples meet on the internet and I have no problem with the idea of having friends here either. As many others have said, join some kind of organization that interests you, and then understand that you may have to attend for months or more before friendships develop. But common interests are a big bonus when trying to make new friends!

 

[Gypsy]

Got to go out. Gonna reply to your thoughtful posts later though Monarch and TG! Thank you for your thoughts, meantime.

 

[diamondfan]

Gypsy, from what I know of you here, you are bright, articulate, focused, passionate...you feel things strongly and that is wonderful. And the fact that you wish to change, even if you really do not need to, shows me that you are very interested in connecting with people. Do you think that your fear comes across? I know women who at first glance I did not think were ultra friendly or interested in being my friend, but I was projection my insecurities on them, and there was nothing to support my feelings. Once I let that go, things were fine. Also, there is a lid for every pot, so there might be a small percentage of people out there that you ultimately want to have involved in your life. You only need a few...Try to not be so tough on yourself, and just allow things to flow...

 

[sumbride]

While I definitely agree with everyone else that you seem to be a great person and I like who I''ve dealt with here at PS... I was thinking about a post you wrote a few weeks ago. I can''t remember exactly what we were talking about but you mentioned how much being in groups stresses you out and you just want to go home and get away from everyone... that you don''t care to be with them. If you''re only meeting people in groups, and that''s really how you feel, it''s going to come across.

You know the old saying "To have a friend you must first be one"? That''s VERY true. People look for open, approachable people and from what I''ve read about how you feel about groups, I doubt you come across as open and approachable if all you want to do is go home and hide. Of course, those who have met you at PS gatherings don''t see that... so maybe in that group you can truly be comfortable because you want to be at the event, you like the subject matter, etc... If you do want to meet new people, you need to find a way to be in the moment... to enjoy being around new people... to care about them and what they think. That''s the only way to connect with people.

I think maybe all the changes in your life, plus the illness you just went through, has maybe made you a bit depressed? That sort of feeds on itself and doesn''t help make anything any better. I''ve moved across the country too and it is HARD and it takes a while to meet people and find true, real friends. I''ve been in the DC area for about 8 years and the first year I was completely miserable because I didn''t know anyone. Now I''m trying to meet new friends in the Baltimore area. It takes time and it takes effort and it takes genuine caring for others... so don''t try to meet new people when you''re having a "want to go hide" day.

 

[Kaleigh]

I was thinking that perhaps you are depressed. Lord knows you have had a lot to deal with moving across the country, your illness. Your sick kitty, setting up and decorating the new house. New job. All those are big stressers, for sure. So take some time, to heal yourself. Then when you are feeling better, then seek out avenues where you can find like minded people. I think you''ve had such a full plate lately. Be good to yourself, and then you can have the energy to pass that on to a new friend.

 

[upgrading mama]

Gypsy,
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Actually, I must say I always find you witty and kind on this message board and I don''t think there is anything wrong with you, not that shows through here, lol....
We all have shortcomings so don''t be discouraged and feel imperfect. When I first moved here 3 1/2 yrs ago I didn''t have friends at all. IT has only been the last year that I have actually allowed myself the chance to try. Like, really wanting to invest in someone else, since I will be here for awhile...
I hope this feeling passes for you, I really do. It is never a good thing to be in a discouraged place like that....

hugs....

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think the older women get the harder it is to make close friends (except when you have kids. I feel like my mom was always close to our friends''s moms). Guys seem to warm up to each other so much quickly. That being said some people send off a negative vibe (could you?) My brother''s GF does. Part of it is shyness, part social anxiety but she comes off as indifferent and rude. I love my brother and thinks he is a great person so I believe him when he says she is great to but sometimes it is hard to believe. I do think people can change. It takes work but part of growing up. Change yourself and others will notice.

 

[Gypsy]

Sorry. Really sorry. Can''t respond. Don''t know when I''ll be on. john''s grandfather who was a woonderful man, and like a grandfather to me... he just passed.

I knew it too. He came to me in a dream last night and said goodbye and hugged me. I told john to call him and he tried but... it was toolate. We''re probably flying our tomorrow. I''ll be on later.

Thank you all for your warm hearsts and kind souls. Will response when i can. Sorry handsa are shaking....

 

[Odilia]

Hi Gypsy,
I wish I had time to chime in with more comments (it seems I always start my posts that way! - I should really be in bed!!!), but without having time to read through the entire thread, one thing I thought of is you might look up "the four temperaments". I think I''ve seen threads on PS where people were sort of looking at that type of stuff (also like the Myers-Briggs, but with 16 different types that''s too hard to wrap my poor little brain around), but more for fun and curiosity. But I find that understanding the temperaments helps to see what kinda makes us tick and how we interact with others. It can be a little useful in seeing where we need to change, but as someone said, change isn''t always easy, but sometimes it just helps to see why we interact the way we do etc.. I am not explaining this well at 12:33am, but anyway.... Wish I had some good links on it. If I get a chance tomorrow (ahem, ''today''), I will try to find some.

And for what it''s worth, even though it sounds like we are likely different temperament types, I can relate to a lot of what you said in the post that started this thread!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Gypsy, I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/12/2007 12:30:33 AM
Author: Gypsy
Sorry. Really sorry. Can't respond. Don't know when I'll be on. john's grandfather who was a woonderful man, and like a grandfather to me... he just passed.

I knew it too. He came to me in a dream last night and said goodbye and hugged me. I told john to call him and he tried but... it was toolate. We're probably flying our tomorrow. I'll be on later.

Thank you all for your warm hearsts and kind souls. Will response when i can. Sorry handsa are shaking....

My heart is with yours tonight....So very sorry. Take good care, wish I could be there to give you a huge hug!!!

I hope John will be ok, sending prayers his way as well.

 

[neatfreak]

Gypsy,

I am so so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if YOU need anything!

And just to clarify before, I did not mean intense as a bad thing. I like intense people! I think they are interesting and more unique than most people out there...but many people can''t seem to handle it unfortunately!

Hope you feel better soon...

 

[TravelingGal]

Gypsy, I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you and your family.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 5/12/2007 12:30:33 AM
Author: Gypsy
Sorry. Really sorry. Can''t respond. Don''t know when I''ll be on. john''s grandfather who was a woonderful man, and like a grandfather to me... he just passed.

I knew it too. He came to me in a dream last night and said goodbye and hugged me. I told john to call him and he tried but... it was toolate. We''re probably flying our tomorrow. I''ll be on later.

Thank you all for your warm hearsts and kind souls. Will response when i can. Sorry handsa are shaking....

prayers outgoing

 

[monarch64]

Date: 5/12/2007 12:30:33 AM
Author: Gypsy
Sorry. Really sorry. Can''t respond. Don''t know when I''ll be on. john''s grandfather who was a woonderful man, and like a grandfather to me... he just passed.

I knew it too. He came to me in a dream last night and said goodbye and hugged me. I told john to call him and he tried but... it was toolate. We''re probably flying our tomorrow. I''ll be on later.

Thank you all for your warm hearsts and kind souls. Will response when i can. Sorry handsa are shaking....

So sorry for your loss Gypsy, and your husband''s...I am thinking of you and wishing you kindhearted thoughts all the while.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Sometimes the people you meet and hope to have continuing friendships with have so many things going on in their lives that they just don''t have any time to spend with new friends. It isn''t that they don''t want your friendship or don''t want to spend time with you, but they have so many demands on their time that they have absolutely no time to spare. Could this be what''s going on with the people you have met?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Big hugs to you, {{{{{Gypsy}}}}}. I am so sorry.

 

[Lorelei]

Gypsy I am late to this thread but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. You are a great person, PLEASE hang on to that and know that your PS friends support you and wish you well.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[oshinbreez]

You''re in my prayers.

 

[lumpkin]

Ah, Gypsy, so sorry to hear about your husband''s grandfather.

 

[sumbride]

I hope you and John find comfort in this time. I''m so sorry for your loss.

 

[larussel03]

I''m so sorry for your loss.

 

[Girlrocks]

I have to admit that I skimmed and did not read every post, so if this has already been covered, just ignore me.

Do you have trouble meeting people or is it making the connection? I was feeling the same way about 3 years ago, I had one great neighbor who was really my only "in person" friend (not counting friends from childhood who I communicate with via phone or e-mail). This person was really the only person who I could get together with face to face and hang out with. So we put an ad in our community newsletter to start a Bunco group, and now these 12 women are the best friends I could have. It''s great, they are all in our community, we are all in the same "family" situation (hubby, small kids, ballet/soccer/lacrosse practice, etc), all in the same economic bracket, etc.

 

[akw94]

Gypsy, so sorry for your loss! Take care!

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m so very sorry for your loss Gyspy. Please take good care of yourself and John through this difficult time.

 

[luckystar112]

I didn''t read the whole thread, but I could have written Gypsy''s original post.

When talking to my mother a couple of days ago, I told her that I think I *forgot* how to make friends...that I''ve become socially awkward and can''t even keep a conversation going with people. This is weird for me because I have plenty of close friend across the country where I am from. However, I have lived in TX for SIX years and have yet to find a SINGLE friend. Luckily I am confident that it isn''t just me. The first couple of years I made friends with my ex''s friends and when he and I broke up he took them with him. After that, I made friends at work. Unfortunately I kept getting bumped around from location to location and eventually became a manager so it wasn''t appropriate for me to hang out with my co-workers anymore. Somehow I miraculously met my boyfriend and through him I have met a lot of new people. Trouble is, they are all guys...and all have girls rotating in and out of their lives every few months. It makes it hard to get close to anyone...so I just hang out with my boyfriend every single day. There is nothing I want MORE than a nice GIRL friend that I can call up to go get coffee, or who will call me to wish me a happy birthday.

I think it is why I hate it in TX so much and really want to move home. I went to a baby shower the other day (for a girl I barely know) and I got sad because someone was throwing her the shower. If I don''t make friends soon, who will throw me a shower? My family and friends live 2000 miles away. I have no one to celebrate with if I get engaged. I have no one to plan a wedding with. It''s one of the most depressing hurtful things in this world. And on top of that, I''ll go weeks without calling my close friends just so I am sure that I have something semi-interesting to say so they don''t get bored with me and lose those friends too!

I''ve depressed the hell out of myself.

But that is the second time that book has been reccommended, and I think I am going to pick it up TODAY. And from my other thread in hangout...I heard that yoga will help me in my stress problem, so I hope that I will make some friends there too. I realize I need to put myself out there...but how? When you are a full time student who works part time and have zero money, how do people AFFORD to join these activities to make new friends?