this question is for the ladies out there.. :)

[jonas]

ok... so i have another question that i need some advice on please. thanks in advance for your time. Ok so I am thinking of two strategies in buying my ring. I have decided on the diamond from GOG, and now I need to figure out the setting. Ok so strategy one was to pick out a nice setting that "I" like... notice the word "I". You see i dont know what styles she likes, she has a few rings, but no diamond ones, mostly costume jewelry stuff over the years, etc. I cant ask a friend or sister or mother as i dont trust them. I also cant
even dream of taking her into a jewelry store. She is simply too smart and I want this whole process to just be such a surprise. So I can go this route and hope that what i choose she ends up loving.

Or

I can get this great diamond i am buying and put it in a simple 14k solitaire "tiffany" type looking setting and present it to her and then tell her afterwards, that I did this so that she can have some fun and input in choosing out what kind of setting she likes..

now what do you guys think is the best, most romantic, most creative way to do it..

girls...

what should i do??????

i am totally torn on this one and i think enough advice from you guys one way or another could really help to convince me..

thanks
Jonas

 

[webdiva]

#2! Surprise her with the proposal and make sure the solitaire setting can be returned and your money applied to the new setting. Then she has a ring to show when she announces her engagement, PLUS she gets the fun of designing her own ring! GOG has a ton of settings, incl. access to numerous manufacturers at a discount. It'll be on her hand forever, she's gotta love it! You're awesome for asking the question, because too many men just assume and "present" a ring without forethought.

 

[slg47]

well I am not going to be much help-I would prefer to be presented with the finished ring! However I think it is risky to choose a setting without some input. Do you have any ideas about what she might like? I wouldn't want to 'change' a setting because I would want to start wearing the ring immediately. However I know many ladies here would advise you to go with a simple solitaire setting and give her the option of changing. I picked out my setting beforehand-that worked for me

Ultimately you know her best-would she likes to be surprised? Do you think she wants input?

 

[slksapphire]

my husband proposed w a solitaire in a plain "tiffany" platinum setting bc he also didn't know what i would want and thought i would have some fun designing the setting. turns out i liked the plain one he picked out have kept it! may do an upgrade on the setting for a future anniversary but i'm not sure bc i still ike the plain setting!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I vote number 2 as well! Give her the simple ring and tell her she can pick her own setting. It's the best of both worlds IMO. You get to suprise her AND she gets to have some input into the ring of her dreams as well!

 

[Gypsy]

NO SETTING. Propose with the stone and a diamond holder-- GOG has those and can send you one. That way you can surprise her AND get her the setting of her dreams. Or if you have to, buy a 250 cheap 14k setting and propose with that.

Don't guess on the setting. Too many things can go wrong and you''ll have wasted money she can put toward her dream setting.

 

[Christina...]

I would surprise her with a finished ring, however I think if you put it in a simple solitaire that as soon as she gets it on her finger, it's going to be very difficult to part with when it comes time to look for the forever setting. Once we get those pretties on our fingers, you sometimes have to pry them back off. She may be hoping for a solitaire, they are very classic and with a diamond band, they make some of the most gorgeous sets that I've seen.

However if you propose with the ring holder that Gypsy suggested, then it will encourage her to quickly select a setting so that she can begin wearing it which she won't be able to do in the temp holder. So, if you or your gf were hoping to run out and show off the new ering to friends and family immediately after the proposal you won't be able to. Of course you can show off the diamond but you will have to be extremely careful until it's set. Get it insured immediately! Actually, thats another thought, some insurance companies won't insure the diamond until it's set or during the setting process, so you will need to ask your agent for details.

Also if she decides to go custom it can be several weeks to several months for the setting to be complete, so that will also prolong her (and your) wait.

I guess I would vote the simple solitaire setting, this way no matter which you choose for the setting she will be able to wear her diamond until she figures out how she would like to set it.

 

[elliemay]

I think you two options -

1. get the diamond set in a simple, plain, inexpensive solitaire setting (secure enough that she'll be able to wear the ring for a while while y'all shop for the perfect setting)

2. take a look at the rings she already has to see if there are any trends there. Are they all simple solitaires in yellow metal? Are they fancy/frilly/busy pieces in white metal? If you can see similarities in her costume rings, you'd probably be safe in choosing an engagement setting that's similar to her costume settings. If you can get pics of some of her current rings, you can post them here and I'm sure people will be able to suggest some options -- there are some PSers with an almost encyclopedic knowledge of available settings!

 

[rubybeth]

I'm with Gypsy here, present her with the loose stone during the proposal and then plan on shopping for a setting together in the next day or two, if that's possible. If not, I'd go with a very inexpensive solitaire setting.

I would say to look at her other jewelry, except my costume jewelry is kind of wild and crazy, and not the same style I'd want to 'fine' jewelry. I didn't have any fake engagementy type rings before I got engaged. Unless she's dropped hints of some kind, like about friends rings, I think something simple and classic is best. Then, even if she decides she doesn't want to change it, it's in something basic that can be jazzed up by a blingy wedding band/anniversary bands.

 

[ame]

I like the idea of a simple cheap gold setting you can scrap or use to hold a colored stone later. That way she can WEAR the stone until she finds a setting she loves.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Option 2! I think this is the best combo of tradition and letting the girl pick her own ring. Go for a cheap mount, you can let GOG know your plans so they can get one for you, and let her have some fun shopping!

I like this better than the ring holder because she can still wear it in the meantime and get a feel for it.

Good luck!

 

[mandasand]

A lot of people will tell you to get a plain solitaire and let her pick out the setting. To be honest with you, I think this is the easy way out. UNLESS you think she will like a solitaire as her ring and won't plan on changing it because she likes that style. If my boyfriend got me a solitaire e-ring I would say he was lazy and didn't know me well enough to pick something I actually like. You can get a good idea of her style by just looking at her. Is she a modern kind of gal, is she outdoorsy, a fashionista, look at your social circle...do her friends wear solitaires, large or small diamonds? So, my suggestions would be to look at your surroundings and then try and find something that matches.

 

[armywife13]

I personally would prefer getting the diamond set in a solitaire setting. Then she can determine if she likes the solitaire or wants a different setting. I like the idea of being able to be involved in the setting process, and this way she has a ring she can wear immediately until you to decide on a setting.

 

[winternight]

Neither. Propose without a riirate a diamond and let her get exactly what she wants which may be a finished ring or a different cut of diamond than you're looking at. Or maybe even a colored stone and not a diamond.

 

[Phdecorate]

A solitaire, because it is beautiful on it's own.....just like her! (right?!) tell her you are so excited to ask her that you want her to be equally as excited with the ring of her dreams. So whether that means keeping the solitaire and picking out a (possibly fancier) wedding band or getting a completely different setting, it can be her choice. But be sure you won't be upset if she picks something in the 5k range for example and you were thinking of 2k. Just figure out if she is more of a white or yellow gold kind of person and get it set.

I would rather have something simple and a chance to make it perfect than be secretly disappointed because it's not what I would have picked in a million years but I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him.

And make sure you come b ack and tell us what you decided! Good luck!

 

[webdiva]

A lot of people will tell you to get a plain solitaire and let her pick out the setting. To be honest with you, I think this is the easy way out. UNLESS you think she will like a solitaire as her ring and won't plan on changing it because she likes that style. If my boyfriend got me a solitaire e-ring I would say he was lazy and didn't know me well enough to pick something I actually like. You can get a good idea of her style by just looking at her. Is she a modern kind of gal, is she outdoorsy, a fashionista, look at your social circle...do her friends wear solitaires, large or small diamonds? So, my suggestions would be to look at your surroundings and then try and find something that matches.

Keep in mind this is one person's opinion. Throwing out there that a man is "lazy" because he got a solitaire is going to scare off hundreds of men who lurk on this forum. It's not being lazy, it's being smart. A ring costs as much as a car (sometimes, a small used car). It's not a purchase to "guess" on. If you're starting in life together, this is your first big "decision" together as grown adults. Chances are you've discussed getting married and it's not a 100% surprise. If your girlfriend wanted to be surprised with a finished ring, she would have made that very clear. Super cheap solitaire (does GOG do a solitaire "loaner") until she picks out a setting. Make it a fun outting to try on settings locally after you get engaged! Plan a champagne brunch and make a number of appointments at jewelry stores that have a ton of settings so she can narrow down the style in her mind (and then purchase from GOG!).

 

[armywife13]

A lot of people will tell you to get a plain solitaire and let her pick out the setting. To be honest with you, I think this is the easy way out. UNLESS you think she will like a solitaire as her ring and won't plan on changing it because she likes that style. If my boyfriend got me a solitaire e-ring I would say he was lazy and didn't know me well enough to pick something I actually like. You can get a good idea of her style by just looking at her. Is she a modern kind of gal, is she outdoorsy, a fashionista, look at your social circle...do her friends wear solitaires, large or small diamonds? So, my suggestions would be to look at your surroundings and then try and find something that matches.

Keep in mind this is one person's opinion. Throwing out there that a man is "lazy" because he got a solitaire is going to scare off hundreds of men who lurk on this forum. It's not being lazy, it's being smart. A ring costs as much as a car (sometimes, a small used car). It's not a purchase to "guess" on. If you're starting in life together, this is your first big "decision" together as grown adults. Chances are you've discussed getting married and it's not a 100% surprise. If your girlfriend wanted to be surprised with a finished ring, she would have made that very clear. Super cheap solitaire (does GOG do a solitaire "loaner") until she picks out a setting. Make it a fun outting to try on settings locally after you get engaged! Plan a champagne brunch and make a number of appointments at jewelry stores that have a ton of settings so she can narrow down the style in her mind (and then purchase from GOG!).

+1

 

[Gypsy]

A lot of people will tell you to get a plain solitaire and let her pick out the setting. To be honest with you, I think this is the easy way out. UNLESS you think she will like a solitaire as her ring and won't plan on changing it because she likes that style. If my boyfriend got me a solitaire e-ring I would say he was lazy and didn't know me well enough to pick something I actually like. You can get a good idea of her style by just looking at her. Is she a modern kind of gal, is she outdoorsy, a fashionista, look at your social circle...do her friends wear solitaires, large or small diamonds? So, my suggestions would be to look at your surroundings and then try and find something that matches.

Keep in mind this is one person's opinion. Throwing out there that a man is "lazy" because he got a solitaire is going to scare off hundreds of men who lurk on this forum. It's not being lazy, it's being smart. A ring costs as much as a car (sometimes, a small used car). It's not a purchase to "guess" on. If you're starting in life together, this is your first big "decision" together as grown adults. Chances are you've discussed getting married and it's not a 100% surprise. If your girlfriend wanted to be surprised with a finished ring, she would have made that very clear. Super cheap solitaire (does GOG do a solitaire "loaner") until she picks out a setting. Make it a fun outting to try on settings locally after you get engaged! Plan a champagne brunch and make a number of appointments at jewelry stores that have a ton of settings so she can narrow down the style in her mind (and then purchase from GOG!).

+1

100% agree.

I think it's thoughtful and considerate. One woman's thoughtful and considerate is another's lazy and "easy way out".

Engagement rings are not, and should not be, a 'test' of how well a man knows you, or how much they love you, or whatever.

I love jewelry and owned quite a bit of it when we got engaged and my husband would never in a million years have been able to pick out a setting for me. A lot of my jewelry at the time was yellow gold (and I wanted white metal for my engagement ring) and full of colored stones. Plus much of it was stuff my family had bought me and didn't reflect my style, but I wore it for the sentimentality of it. I asked for a temp setting. And without my input my husband wouldn't even have known what shape diamond to look at for me. It wasn't lazy of my husband to ask. It was smart. He was spending a ton of money on something *I* would wear forever. And he was demonstrating that he KNEW ME well enough to know that what would make me happiest is having input on the ring. Actually for my DH the laziest thing he could have done that would have upset me is to surprise me with a round brilliant in a simple solitaire.

You know her best. And you are worried she might want to have a say in her ring. That's your gut telling you that you've noticed that she's the type of person who will want a say in her ring. I say, trust your gut.

Also make sure to popose to her with the stone either in a temp or a ring holder and WITHIN whatever the return window of GOG is (in case she wants a different shaped diamond than you plan to buy her).

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Well, as far as I am personally concerned, I would set it in a fine platinum solitaire setting (such as the Vatche U-113 which I got from GOG ), and then tell her she can have fun choosing a beautiful diamond wedding band to go with it! That is what I have had for 35 years and stuck with it when I got my new set!

But of your choices, I always recommend the simple solitaire when the ring is a surprise and you have no idea what she likes. I have been married 35 years and there is NO WAY my husband could pick jewelry that was exactly what I wanted! I would not give her an unset diamond...she can't wear it and it needs to be in a ring to be insured. Plus, she will be so excited and will want to wear her ring immediately!

I think it is a VERY wise man who does not try to guess what the girl wants and waste a huge amount of money if he gets it wrong!

 

[Phdecorate]

Not just wise but sensitive too, IMO! You may think that because your girlfriend never wears rings that she doesn't have a good idea of what she likes....she may be keeping quiet not to jinx it all or because she doesn't want to pressure you!

 

[SB621]

I would go with Option #2!!! I wish my dh had done that or thought of that while proposing!

 

[yssie]

I like the idea of a simple cheap gold setting you can scrap or use to hold a colored stone later. That way she can WEAR the stone until she finds a setting she loves.

That! I'd have been disappointed if I couldn't enjoy being newly engaged with the stone *on* my finger, but I love the idea of choosing/designing the setting together

ETA: If, as Winter and Gypsy suggest, you know that she A) wants a diamond of B) the shape you're choosing or C) you're absolutely positive that she doesn't have a preference, or won't mind if you choose something other than what she had in mind

 

[Enerchi]

I prefer the 2nd option - biggest diamond you can afford in a simple solitaire and then get her input after the proposal on how she'd like her ering to be set.

Maybe - give her the time line of upgrading the setting for your first anniversary, so by then, she'll have had plenty of time to enjoy her ring, have added a wedding band and explored all sorts of other options for the ering.

I wish I'd known more about diamonds when I got engaged, mainly that there WERE options out there other than just a chain B&M store.

 

[distracts]

I like option #2 or Gypsy's suggestions of a diamond in a stone holder.

But... it depends on your girlfriend. My fiance knew that I have very strong opinions about jewelry, and so we picked out the ring together before the proposal (which was still a huge surprise when it happened because he hadn't told me the ring had been finished!). A lot of my friends/family have helped pick out their rings. But I also have friends who wanted the rings to be a complete surprise and were totally happy with whatever their boyfriend bought. And then I have friends who THOUGHT they wanted the ring to be a surprise but didn't like it and immediately got it changed.

I don't think you can pick out an engagement ring based on someone's other jewelry or general style. My style is bold and modern, and my other jewelry is generally very geometric and sleek, but for my e-ring I wanted frou frou nonsense, which threw my fiance for a loop for about the first month of looking. If he had gotten me a round diamond in a solitaire setting, I'd have haaaated it.

 

[bunnycat]

I also think option 2 for a number of reasons. As someone said, you may not know what style of ring she may like for an e-ring. It is not a test of how much you know her to present a finished ring, IMO. I think getting her input and choosing together is a very good experience. It's what my fi and I did.

I can understand the finished ring stance though, because I understand about surprises. They certainly are fun. But there's lots of ways to surprise a person and the idea of a brunch and some appointments at jewelry stores to shop would be a great surprise too add on, totally unexpected!

And with the temporary solitaire, she can still wear her ring and get give input to find a great setting that makes her happy. Well, BOTH of you happy, IMO, because you should have input too. I think this is a great learning experience. When my fi and I did this, it was surprising to learn just how many opinions he ended up having on jewelry about how things are contructed and his aesthetic preferences, and I respect his taste and his opinions, and even though it took a little while to find something that we BOTH liked to look at, we both liked what we ended up getting me in the end.

 

[AprilBaby]

Option #2! I would have been thrilled to pick my setting! Not lazy at all, but very thoughtful and saves you money not getting something she won't like.

 

[jonas]

well i waited for a solid day or so to see what type of responses i got and it was completely overwhelming that most of you girls wanted option 2.. honestly, if i was a girl too, i think i would want this one as well.. makes sense.. makes perfect sense.. plus i know for a fact she is gonna have some fun picking out what "SHE" likes...

so im gonna go with the loaner/14k cheaper white gold solitaire setting, and then after i present it in the barbados..
ill let her know that whatever she wants to pick, well go ahead and get it..

hopefully she doesnt pick a $5000 setting.. lol.. omg.. ha.. id be screwed...

i do have one small fear in doing this though.. i am not a fan of the halo pave settings cuz i feel they take away from the center stone, and god alone knows after 1 month of educating myself on diamonds in here, when i spend that $4500 on that .75 GOG Ideal 1.1 hca ags 0 perfect hearts and arrows...

i really dont want it swallowed up by paves in a halo...


course that is jonas talking
not beth...

we shall see huh girls???????



thanks to everyone for the help! ill keep everyone posted ..

 

[alene]

I think you've made a good decision! It would be completely fine, in my opinion, to let her know what your budget for the setting is if you're concerned she'll pick something that's out of your price range. As for the type of setting, while it would be great if you both love it, I really think it should be her choice; if she does love halos, perhaps you can steer her towards more delicate ones that compliment rather than overwhelm the stone. Look forward to seeing what you end up with!

 

[webdiva]

Ditto on Alene - it's her choice. And definitely give her a budget. If she's like me, it's a challenge and makes it even more fun!

 

[Enerchi]

Congrats Jonas on your decision. I think your future FI will be thrilled with the diamond you select in the solitaire setting for a proposal (who knows - it may just BE the one she wants for life!) and also very pleased you are allowing her to be involved in the selection of her ring. It is something she'll be staring at everyday - perfect she gets a say in it!