The Real Women of Pricescope

[CharmCity]

After reading this thread... https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/i-dont-know-if-i-love-my-ring.118588/ ... I started really wondering about The Real Ladies of Pricescope.

I''m trying not to be judgmental but it absolutely blows my mind to have a 25 year old girl upset that her husband to be ONLY bought her a 1.8 karat absolute perfect ring, even if they are uber-rich. Instead of being mortified, I''d like to be educated.

I do understand that in different social circles and different parts of the country (or world) there are far different norms and I''m very curious about how all of you live.

I would REALLY like to know what kinds of jobs you and your husbands have and how they relate to these GORGEOUS rings that have me addicted to this site. In my head you have to be a millionaire to be able to have a 2+ karat diamond!

________________

Just for fun, I''ll start.

Me -
36 years old, animator for online educational software company.
Own my house, master''s degree in animation, 80+ grand in student loan debt.

Him -
30 years old, union steamfitter apprentice, high school education but will begin out-earning me next month.

Us -
We are trying to pay off debt from my loans and his past screw ups. Married for one month. In the next year or two we would like to have kids and be able to afford for me to be a stay at home mom so we try to live simply. I fell in love with my ring on a website and stalked it for two years until it went on sale.

The Ring -
One karat, old European cut, VS2, I color (but faces up completely white due to medium fluorescence which is so exciting to me), ruby halo in platinum setting.

The Frame of Reference -
We live in Baltimore and own a modest row house. We budgeted for the ring together, paying cash for half and putting the rest on a fixed, low interest credit card that we paid off in less than one year. My ring is on the large size for my circle of friends who are mostly in similar financial situations to us, but they have better toys (cars, tvs, etc.) The exception being one friend who has two karats of maul store frozen spit and my sister''s which is much bigger and brighter than mine!

 

[Mariposa]

I just want to say that I'm in total agreement with you. I actually had the misfortune of reading that post while I was at the hospital getting my 22nd round of chemotherapy. Needless to say I had nothing nice to sat about it, so I said nothing. The more I thought about it, the more it got to me...come on! Some people have REAL problems.

Me - 33 years old, on disability for stage 4 colon cancer, was diagnosed 4 months after marriage. Used to be a Histotech at a large hospital. 4 year degree + 2 year certification

Hubby - 35, attorney, $150k in debt for law school loans

Ring - 0.58ct ACA set into a gorgeous Van Creaynest set.

Mariposa

 

[Amethyste]

Mariposa,
my positive vibes and thoughts are with you....

 

[vetrogrl]

Hi...I am a 24 year old who owns my own house and am financially stable. It took me almost 2 years after college to land my great job I have now. My bf owns his own company, and makes what I make in a year in 4 months...so this is able to make the ring budget a lot more. He''s 25 years old, but hes worked his butt off to get build his company where it is now, and is still continuing to build it up. So it possible for 20 sometihngs to have larger rings without going into debt. All of my friends and cousins all have either 2ct. or higher rings. I believe their husbands are either engineers/business area.

I was also blessed to have parents who paid for my college tuition and were able to give me my down payment for my townhouse. So I have mortgage payments, but didn''t have to worry about the initial down payment. I was always taught to pay off my credit card every month too so I budget myself. So maybe the people who can afford the 2ct. rings and higher have parents who have helped them out in other areas where they would be able to save?? I know this true to my friends/family...

My bf believes in being financially stable and spending wisely...so he will not spend a ridiculous amount of money on a ring...i even told him its his committment to me that counts and i would wear a CZ! But he feels that isnt right and wants to give me my dream ring...so im very appreciative of this and of him...plus we''re also thinking of our future and future family when the time is right...and thats much more important than a ring in my opinion...

Future ring details: 1.5 ct. Pear either in a solitaire setting with a pave band or with side baguettes

 

[SparklyLibra]

Mariposa: My prayers are with your for a quick recovery. My 65 year old Aunt recovered from stage four 2 years ago. So this is very close to my heart. I''m sending ALL the positive energy and healing vibrations that I can to you......

And by the way: Your set is classic beauty!!!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 6/30/2009 1:21:05 PM
Author: Mariposa
I just want to say that I''m in total agreement with you. I actually had the misfortune of reading that post while I was at the hospital getting my 22nd round of chemotherapy. Needless to say I had nothing nice to sat about it, so I said nothing. The more I thought about it, the more it got to me...come on! Some people have REAL problems.

Me - 33 years old, on disability for stage 4 colon cancer, was diagnosed 4 months after marriage. Used to be a Histotech at a large hospital. 4 year degree + 2 year certification

Hubby - 35, attorney, $150k in debt for law school loans

Ring - 0.58ct ACA set into a gorgeous Van Creaynest set.

Mariposa

My thoughts are with you...I hope you make a full recovery soon! ((hugs))

 

[Prana]

Mariposa- sending some prayers and positive energy your way... I''m sorry for your struggle and hope that you are doing okay.

I''m 25 years old, own my own house with FI. My parents helped me through school and my job paid off all of my student loans. My FI parents paid for him to go through community college, so he has no school loans. We set a very strict budget for the engagement ring, and I helped him save. He paid half cash and put half on a low interest CC. I have a 1.21 RB J VS2 in a very inexpensive setting that neither of us are happy with. So in the future, we will be upgrading the setting. Our household income is around 120K.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Yeah, I try my best to not judge, but my knee-jerk response to that post was "really?".

Me: 22, worked for a year after college, currently finishing my first year of medical school. No real loans, but I owe my parents a lot of tuition money, which I honestly do plan on paying back.

Him: 26, stable job as a programmer, paid off all student debt.

Ring: I honestly wanted a colored gem ring, I've never been one that was entirely comfortable with expensive jewelery (I lose and break things a lot) and I'm not really a dressy person. I'm also pretty young, and wouldn't have felt comfortable wearing a large diamond engagement ring. I told my fiance that if he spends more than 6k on a ring, I'd say no to the proposal

My fiance bought me a beautiful .9ct RB diamond, F VS, excellent cut. Simple solitaire setting. I do love it, it's classic and not so big as to make me uncomfortable.

To be fair, I've never been really comfortable getting expensive gifts, even from my fiance (who I've been with for 4 years) or my parents, even though they are financially stable. I'd rather just buy it for myself when I have the means.

 

[CharmCity]

Mariposa, thanks for giving us some perspective about things that are truly important. Sending you positive thoughts!

 

[jessicap]

Date: 6/30/2009 1:21:05 PM
Author: Mariposa
I just want to say that I''m in total agreement with you. I actually had the misfortune of reading that post while I was at the hospital getting my 22nd round of chemotherapy. Needless to say I had nothing nice to sat about it, so I said nothing. The more I thought about it, the more it got to me...come on! Some people have REAL problems.


Me - 33 years old, on disability for stage 4 colon cancer, was diagnosed 4 months after marriage. Used to be a Histotech at a large hospital. 4 year degree + 2 year certification


Hubby - 35, attorney, $150k in debt for law school loans


Ring - 0.58ct ACA set into a gorgeous Van Creaynest set.


Mariposa

Wish you a full recovery!
And, your set is so classic!

 

[DearBuddha]

Miraposa, first and foremost, all of my positive energy today is heading in your direction! My immediate family has been forced to deal with colon cancer, so my heart goes out to you. I wish you all the best in your recovery <3.

In reading the post that inspired this thread, I have to admit, I was really disturbed by the expectations some women have regarding erings. I had no expectations prior to receiving mine, thank God, because I feel like I can enjoy it so much more!

I''m 26, with a Bachelors degree in Fine Arts, specifically history. I''m a teacher with about $30,000 of student debt waiting to be paid off. I have no financial assistance from well-off parents, and have been responsible for paying my own way since I was 22. I make lousy money (while still managing to love what I do), never overspend, and am very good at being thrifty while still enjoying life to it''s fullest.

Conversely, my husband is 27 and a software engineer. He makes very good money (we still keep separate accounts, though-I need financial independence) and had a free ride to a very good school. He has no student debt whatsoever.

We rent, but we''re saving for a down payment for a condo. We got married 11 months ago (but have been together for 10 years) and moved back to Boston from La Jolla, CA a year ago.

My ring is just under 1.3 carats. I don''t have many married friends, but of my married friends, my ring size seems to be the middle ground. I find it tends to be of average size for people in our demographic (age, location, tax bracket). I have a friend whose wedding set borders on 3 carats (she''s in finance, her husband is also a software engineer) and she knows her rings are showstoppers; it''s easily the biggest set in our social circle.

 

[Amethyste]

I am not here to judge others and what they wear, feel, have and do... I am just here to make friends and share the love of sparlkies

Me: 39, working as an Underwriter assistant. no debt, other than my monthly rent car is paid, no CCs either.
I have a love for durable things, I use my stuff until its dead. I am also a Nail techinician at night and have been for 12 years.

Him: 28, A film composer. He''s German and we have met through the love of music. i sing and he composes beautiful melodies.
He has no debts either and he just moved here from Germany after we got married on 1/24/09. He''s my everything

Us: We are moving slowly. I am working hard to pay for everything as he''s still looking for more work, we dated for 3+ years
before we decided to get married.

Ring: It''s a 5.13CT Lemony pear shape colored diamond. I paid for the ring myself. I have been saving $100 for the last 20 years of my life
to be able to afford something of this grandeur. yellow is my husband and I favorite color, so this was perfect

 

[Lorelei]

Mariposa, my thoughts and prayers go out to you sweetheart.

 

[chamois]

Mariposa, wishing you a speedy recovery - I wish I hand a magic wand !

 

[chrono]

Mariposa,
Here's wishing you a good and complete recovery with minimal side effects from the chemo.

 

[NakedFinger]

mariposa- my prayers are with you and may god give you and your husband strength to get through this together.

charmcity- interesting thread. You expressed my "ummmm......really?" sentiments perfectly regarding that post as well. Now I cant say its ridiculous, because I am actually 25 and the ring I will be getting is 2ct (I know this because i was involved in the process). However, I would say that our situation isnt necessarily typical for our age.

Me-
25 Years old (actually 24, 25 on 7/16). Wedding & Event Planner in NYC. No credit card debt at all, started working when I was 14 years old, started in my industry at 17, worked my way up. I went to school full time and worked fulled time simultaneously (night classes). So I already had my career, making nice salary before I was even done with school (rather than just going to school, having to "start out" at 23). I bought my car outright with savings, so I have no car payment and low insurance, and was able to get scholarships and financial aid for school so my student loans which were paid off very quickly so I have no student loan debt. I bought my first house at 21, sold it recently, and my FF and I just purchased a new home. So we dont have to worry about saving for a down payment.

Him-
26, will be 27 in Feb. He did the same thing, started working very young, works for an electrician making salary, and opened his own electrical contracting company after getting his license. Now he works for someone getting steady income, while building his company as well. Since its his own, he makes a lot of profit. Little CC debt, and drives a company truck, and his only "toy" is his sailboat.

US- We both made smart decisions, made serious money at a young age, saved, and now that the down payment on the house is out of the way and we dont have debt, he was able to buy the ring with cash rather than having to finance it. If he had to finance it, or we had a lot of debt, or didnt buy the house yet(or were renting somethign) then I would have never let him spend so much. I think the difference with this is that at 24, many people are just getting out of school, trying to work they way up and make money, trying to move out of their parents house etc. So with no house, no salary, and student loans, yes its inconceivable that someone could by a $20,000 + ring

Ring- 2ct chucky cushion, G color, VS2, Excellent cut, in a platinum band with 3 side pave

If I may make a point though, I tend to do high end weddings with 6 figure budgets and up. A lot of my brides are not older couples paying for their weddings. They are "daddy's little girl" with wealthy parents paying for everything they desire. I too, have be taken aback by some of my 22 year old brides sporting a 5ct cartier ring, a 7ct tiffany, and most recently the most YUM 10ct harry winston i've ever seen. I too thought to myself "WHAT DO THESE GUYS DO??? HOW THE H*LL DID HE AFFORD THAT AT THEIR AGE??!!!". Turns out, when the grooms parent's are rich, that is the grooms parents "contribution" to the wedding. Brides parents pay for wedding, grooms parents pay for ring. You'd be surprised how many rings are bought, or at least "chipped inn" by the parents. If it makes you feel better

 

[LD]

Mariposa - another one here sending you tons of positive vibes.

Regarding the topic of this post, I''d rather not share personal details (sorry), BUT I was genuinely horrified that anybody could have such a materialistic outlook and such a "me me me" attitude. What happened to old fashioned values? Shouldn''t a ring be accepted with love? If the ring was absolutely awful I could perhaps understand how somebody might want to upgrade at a later date BUT a 1.8ct H&A diamond picked to the person''s specifications in the first place? Get real!

 

[risingsun]

Mariposa~I wish you a full recovery. You will be in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[PrincessPeach]

Mariposa, my prayers are w/ you!

A little about me: 25 y.o., just graduated with a bachelor''s in psych (about 15k in school loans), and work for a non-profit org as a mental health counselor. I just recently moved to the Binghamton area from New York City (such the change!!!). And we just recently got married last August (one of us had to move, we had a long-distance relationship).

I still don''t know what to do in regards to a graduate program - torn btwn Masters in Social Work or Creative Writing...so indecisive!

My Hubby: 29 y.o., works as a graphics designer

We live near Binghamton with my mother - she moved in after numerous break ups with boyfriends, etc...so we''re offering her a stable situation. Hopefully we''ll be purchasing a two-family home so we can share it in the future.

The ring: originally, hubby bought a three stone 1ctw from a mall jeweler, which the center stone cracked one week before the wedding - this can only happen to me! We then upgraded to a 3/4 brilliant solitaire, a temporary setting...now we''re planning to get a three-stone setting similar to the original engagement ring. Soon! After we pay off some bills hehe

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Mariposa - you are in my thoughts, especially as your post puts so much of this stuff into perspective. I wish you a speedy and full recovery.

As for the question, my husband bought a very modest ring, for both my group of friends, and our extended peers. Unfortunately, I've been called on for diamond advice by many of my fellow colleagues and work contacts, and they thought nothing of charging an extravagant ring. I have a few acquaintances who are in divorce proceedings and the ring hasn't even been fully paid off yet. It's really starting to irk me that such entitlement exists to the point that the husband to be thinks it's a bright idea to charge a luxury item to keep his beloved happy, if not forever, at least until they file separation paperwork.

If it's easily affordable in cash, that's really great for them, but I really feel incredibly bad for these men who fall victim to the "under 2 would never do" mentality and lack the means to provide what's "expected" of them.

 

[krockie]

1.02 carat J SI2 heirloom diamond. Uh, folks, that is the only way I was getting something so big. And yes, I do consider 1 ct big!! I am 30 and work for city government, husband is an architect. We paid for our own wedding and are hoping to buy an apartment this summer with 20% down in the NYC area.

I was very clear from the beginning that I wanted him, not a diamond, and that I would gladly forgo an e-ring for a home of our own, so long as he would hurry up and marry me! The diamond was due to be an inheritance from my mother. She decided that she''d rather see me enjoy it than have me wait for her death to wear it. She offered it to us to use for my e-ring, and after talking it over with my husband, we agreed that accepting it now would help us better achieve our goals. Without that lovely gift, I would likely have a diamond less than half the size, or not at all. Again, that was fine with me, as long as we were married.

That post really put my teeth on edge. I admit to being obessed with this site and ogling others'' beautiful rings, but sometimes we need to take a step back and think about what''s important. A ring is just a thing, as Mariposa can certainly attest. Its the love in our lives and our health that really matter.

 

[beau13]

I'm 39 (for a few more days anyway

), retired for about 2 years now (run a small home based business that I do mostly for fun, when I find the time to do so). Jewelry means nothing to me..I mean, it doesn't really have any sentimental meaning to me, they are a small part of the material things that one acquires and means nothing in comparison to what does have real meaning! I'd part with my rings, watch, diamonds if I needed to, or would happily exchange jewelry for my health (long story , not something PS members want to , or need to hear). I agree there are MUCH larger problems in life than finding the perfect setting, or trying to finance an uprgrade, or convince hubby your diamond is too big, too small..whatever! After dealing with not one, but two life threatening illnesses, health means everything to me! Without your health, you've got NOTHING! (Wishing you all the best Mariposa, where your health is concerned)

My husband runs a very successful business in the mining industry, in which he takes home approx $ 220 - $ 250 000/year depending on how well business was that year!

He wanted to buy me a larger diamond (than the one he initially proposed with), for our 14th wedding anniversary. He brought up the subject, we discussed it, and
I was hesitant, thinking, that's ALOT of cash, that we could use for University educations,(which we have put money aside for as well), hockey, vacations, a new vehicle, a new kitchen..the list goes on. After we talked, and I realized he really wanted me to have this, we went looking for a diamond!
When I first received the ring, I almost felt guilty for having such an expensive piece on my finger. Now, I've come to realize that I deserve it, and that it makes my husband happy to see me happy ! I've always spent money on the kids before myself. If hubby gave me $500 for a Birthday gift, and said "go buy yourself something nice"..I usually came back with new outfits for the boys, or something new for the home! I worried what family members would say about me sporting this new bling, that they might have thought was a waste of money (to those who aren't really into jewelry), but now I don't care what they think. We married young, struggled financially for the first 5-7 years of marriage, and now we look at this as a reward for all our hard work and efforts. We never saved for, or planned for a future upgrade. It just sort of happened, and was affordable, after 14 years of marriage. I find now adays, young couples want it ALL..right away! The big house (what happened to starter homes? ), the toys (boats, all terrain vehicles, skidoos etc), AND the big diamond! If suddenly we needed the money, I'd gladly offer up any valuable jewelry I own, to pay for what is needed. Jewelry is not a necessity, but a luxury. In my mind, other things are Sooooo much more valuable to me (kids, family, health), and jewelry is just a fun little obsession!

 

[D&T]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:46:05 PM
Author: krockie
1.02 carat J SI2 heirloom diamond. Uh, folks, that is the only way I was getting something so big. And yes, I do consider 1 ct big!! I am 30 and work for city government, husband is an architect. We paid for our own wedding and are hoping to buy an apartment this summer with 20% down in the NYC area.

I was very clear from the beginning that I wanted him, not a diamond, and that I would gladly forgo an e-ring for a home of our own, so long as he would hurry up and marry me! The diamond was due to be an inheritance from my mother. She decided that she''d rather see me enjoy it than have me wait for her death to wear it. She offered it to us to use for my e-ring, and after talking it over with my husband, we agreed that accepting it now would help us better achieve our goals. Without that lovely gift, I would likely have a diamond less than half the size, or not at all. Again, that was fine with me, as long as we were married.

That post really put my teeth on edge. I admit to being obessed with this site and ogling others'' beautiful rings, but sometimes we need to take a step back and think about what''s important. A ring is just a thing, as Mariposa can certainly attest. Its the love in our lives and our health that really matter.

well said.

we too paid for our own wedding, have student loan debt- I have a master''s degree. first ering was a .40 princess cut, five year anniversary ring is a 1.21 ct K and I''m very thrilled. I didn''t care what I got when we got married even though I could have afforded more than my DH, it was the symbolizm of the ring, that mattered, not the size, well for me anyways. But after five years, it was a nice splurge for us/me to have the size I have now.

 

[elrohwen]

FI and I are both 25 and both work as engineers. We went to the same school, yet I have no student loans and he has about $30k, unfortunately. My parents gave me my car when I graduated (it was their 7 year old Civic) and he bought a slightly used car that he''s making payments on. We rent in a very expensive area (Fairfield County, Connecticut) which is unfortunate, and we would love to live somewhere cheaper some day. We''re done saving for our wedding, so now everything is going into saving for a house. I want to put 20% down though, and it will take us a while with houses here costing $300-400k for a junky starter home. I have a feeling we''ll be gone from this area before we even get around to the house thing. We would have much much more money for saving if we didn''t live in CT.

My ring is a 1.7ct OEC that FI inherited from his grandfather (I think it was his great- or great-great-grandfather''s ring). It was in a big ugly man''s ring that FI would never ever wear, so he gave it to me for my engagement ring and I adore it

. We paid about $2k for the setting at a local custom jewelry design shop; FI paid in cash and it didn''t take him more than a few months to save up for it. If we hadn''t inherited a stone, I would''ve chipped in for half of the ring to get something around a carat, probably, but I don''t think I could imagine spending more than$6-8k. I''ll admit that I do feel self-conscious at times because my ring is much bigger than we''d ever be able to afford (it faces up at 2ct) and I''m uncomfortable being the center of attention. In the area I live though, it''s a very average size. The stone itself is actually only worth $6k because of a large chip, but you wouldn''t know that just to look at it (despite the chip''s size, most people can''t see it and swear I''m making it up

).

Among my friends I have the biggest ring by far. My friends in this area aren''t originally from here and are also engineers who tend to be very practical with their money. Big rings just aren''t a priority for them, though they all have beautiful sets. I would say the average size for them is a carat.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 6/30/2009 1:21:05 PM
Author: Mariposa
I just want to say that I''m in total agreement with you. I actually had the misfortune of reading that post while I was at the hospital getting my 22nd round of chemotherapy. Needless to say I had nothing nice to sat about it, so I said nothing. The more I thought about it, the more it got to me...come on! Some people have REAL problems.

Me - 33 years old, on disability for stage 4 colon cancer, was diagnosed 4 months after marriage. Used to be a Histotech at a large hospital. 4 year degree + 2 year certification

Hubby - 35, attorney, $150k in debt for law school loans

Ring - 0.58ct ACA set into a gorgeous Van Creaynest set.

Mariposa

Mariposa, my dad was diagnosed at 64 with stage IV colorectal cancer, he is still with us today (his dad succumbed to the same disease) after many surgeries and a ton of chemo/radiation treatments. My best wishes to you.

 

[radiant lover]

Hello Everyone,

New to pricescope! This is my first post so I''m not sure if i''m doing this right. haha. I just turned 26. second year dental school student. I am graduating in about 2 years. 1.6 ct square radiant. G, VS1. approximately 2ct total.
Fiance - 29 yrs old, had his own business but sold it to try to get into dental school also. We own a townhouse together.
I don''t know about the 25 yr old with the 1.8 carat but I feel very BLESSED and PROUD of my ER. I love it and I couldn''t have asked for a more special ring.
I just wanted to say that all of your rings are gorgeous!

 

[radiant lover]

Mariposa, my thoughts and prayers are with you

 

[rhbgirl24]

First - Mariposa my thoughts are with you! Wish you the best.

2nd because that post irked me too, I think this is a great idea. We know everyone sparklies, its great to know about the person behind the jewelry as well.

Me:
28 years old - 2 BS degrees: one in Marine Science, the other in Psychology. $30,000 worth of student debt because of that. I paid for college completely by myself. I now work in foreclosure real estate (not what I wanted, but in this economy I''m grateful I have a job) and on the side do maintenance for salt and fresh fish tanks (corporate and home) under the name White Wave Aquatics.

Him:
29 years old. Two Degrees also - one in Pre-med, one in Psych. He works in environmental remediation - oil spills and the such. The med school route didn''t quite work and we were scared to bring on that debt.

Us- just working on paying for a 30K dollar wedding, when both of us only make maybe $70k TOGETHER. Still rent, have two car loans, would like to buy a house sometime next year, but we''re in one of the highest housing markets other than NYC and CA in the US.

The Ring - a one carat marquise VS1 E Color, with .5 in sidestones in a completely custom celtic setting. He paid for it all by himself, saving for probably 8+ years (we''ve been together 12). It was waaaaaaaay more than I ever thought I would get and he busted his butt for it. I love it and him and appreciate both every single min of every day. I probably have the biggest of my circle of friends.

 

[DiaDiva]

Mariposa, I wish you a speedy recovery! You''ve definitely helped put things in perspective. Much as I love my jewellery, they are only possessions.

When we first got engaged, my ring was a fairly modest 0.56 marquise diamond although I have a lot more jewellery and e-rings now

...

 

[glitterata]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:35:11 PM
Author: PrincessPeach

I still don''t know what to do in regards to a graduate program - torn btwn Masters in Social Work or Creative Writing...so indecisive!

Mariposa, all my best wishes for a full and speedy recovery.

Princess, advice from someone who''s worked for decades in the world of writers: don''t waste your money on a masters in creative writing. It''s not worth it, especially if you have to go into debt. If you''re serious about writing, write! And read like crazy. Reading and writing will teach you far more about how to write than any teacher could. If you feel you can''t do it all by yourself, find a writers'' support group. The main advantages to MFAs are making connections that might help you find a publisher and the degree itself, if you want a job in academia. There aren''t a lot of those jobs, and they''re hard to land even with a degree, and they''re not always conducive to doing your own writing. There are cheaper ways to make the connections to publishers and agents. And there''s nothing quite so discouraging as having that debt hanging over your head! You''ll have to work hours and hours and hours to pay it back, time you could have spent writing.

Okay, back to the original question.

My husband and I are in our mid 40s. We''ve been married 7 years. We both do freelance work in publishing/journalism. I work with words, he works with images. I have a BA from an Ivy League university; he went to art school. We have no debt. We live in a rented apartment in NYC. Our income varies from year to year; most years it''s well below 125K. We didn''t have a wedding--we got married at the courthouse with my best friend and my husband''s brother as witnesses. Later, to celebrate, my mother threw a dim sum party for 150-200 friends & family members at a restaurant in Chinatown. The whole thing cost $5,000 total, including the flowers (which I did myself), drinks, cake, etc.

My husband and I exchanged plain platinum wedding bands, which we bought at Cartier because my husband--a designer himself--loved the simple, graceful design. If I remember correctly, our bands cost about $700 each.

He never gave me an engagement ring. However, after my grandmother died, my mother gave me her (that is, my grandmother''s) engagement ring, a 1.4 ct transition cut F VS1 in its original deco platinum setting from 1929. Back when I graduated from college, my other grandmother gave me the diamond from her engagement ring, set in a necklace, as a graduation present. I never wore the necklace, so I reset the diamond--a 1.64 ct L SI2 OEC--in a reproduction Edwardian setting. And last year I bought myself a .71 ct J I1 Infinity diamond and had it set in an antique deco platinum setting I bought on ebay; that ring cost a total of a bit less than $2000. So although I don''t have an engagement ring, I do have three diamond rings that I wear as the mood strikes. I adore the cut of the OEC. I adore the setting and the whiteness of the transition cut. And I love the crispness and compactness of the Infinity. I don''t find that I prefer the larger diamonds because of their size. In fact, in many moods I prefer the .71 because it seems like a nice, graceful size to me.

I also spend lots of time and a certain amount of money on my collection of antique, mostly Victorian, jewelry, which I buy at bargain prices on ebay and at flea markets.

Very few of my married friends wear engagement rings, even the rich ones. The few who do wear colored stones or diamonds of less than a carat. They''re in the arts or professions (e.g., civil rights lawyer, family physician, professor, executive at a nonprofit, architect, designer, novelist). Several just wear silver wedding bands. They consider my interest in jewelry a sweet eccentricity.