The Official TTC Thread!

[nycbkgirl]

If u check the mommy thread u will see recent pics of my twins...I just had them april16

I duno how It works with other docs...but crmi doesn''t accept ins at all ..I have ghi ins and they cover unlimited iuis and 2 full ivf cycles...but crmi charges what they charge and ins pays what they pay...for example and u/s at crmi cost 300 and my ins pays 76...so I pay the difference! And its a big diff unfortunatley

....

I started with zr last jan and started my iui''s in april (had 3 iui''s) and got pg in sept with 1 ivf cycle...implanted 2 embies and both stuck so it was quite fast and I am sooo thankful for it...

I say be careful with iui''s bc they don''t warn u that every time u come in to be monitored (its pretty much every day for like 2 weeks.) Its $600 a day almost! And ins will cover a small percentage of that...
Also ask ur carrier if crmi is in or out of network (usually out and that means they cover even less)..

Its a crazy process but worth it in the end.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

IWPO- what did your temp do today?

****
Blushing/NYC- It''s so frustrating how insurance works. Ack! I hate calling because you end up on hold so much and have to push all these crazy buttons to be able to actually speak to a human these days. It sounds like the facility you two are talking about is huge and maybe not as laid back as my office, but my office actually called my insurance before my first appointment, to see what my coverage would be for things. Not sure if that''s an option, but I''d try it and see! (Also, if your insurance has an internet site, lots of times you can find the answers about it the facility you''re looking at is in network, and sometimes there will be a break down of coverage for different procedures.) I''m so glad it worked for you and so quickly, NYC. I tear up thinking of the women/families who have to undergo that process for cycle upon cycle, and who have to fight insurance the whole way through... It''s awful.

****
Swimmer,

I went back and looked at a chart you''ve posted in the past. Isn''t it odd how one person''s ave. temp. is like 97.3, and another''s can be 98, and another in the 96 range? So weird.

Thanks for thinking of me, I think of you and hope that we go through pregnancy together! I hope all of us here do.

****
I stopped at Dollar General yesterday and got a couple $1 pregnancy tests, thinking I''d use them unless I had reason to use FRER (you know, like if I''m still on this cycle come Sunday...), totally thinking I''d use one this morning. Didn''t, though. Today''s temp rose again slightly (98.80), and although no single temp means a thing, it still gives me hope, and I plan to ride this hope thing as long as possible.

So, my next Dr. appt. is for June 2, 2009. I likely either won''t have ovulated by then, or will be doing so at the time of the appt (based on this cycle and past one... ovulated CD14 then CD20). I wonder if I should call to move it back, hoping that when we go in, we''ll be pregnant? I don''t know. I''m kind of thinking the Dr. will try to talk me into upping the dose of Clomid and I really am not comfortable with that. But again, thinking positive and maybe it won''t be an issue because I''ll be carrying my baby at like week 7 or so by then.

Thinking positive thoughts for everyone here... and especially for InLuv and Feb, in hopes that putting off TTC won''t even be an option, since you''ll be pregnant this cycle!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

It was 96.6??? I took it twice and then took it with an ear thermometer and it was the same. So odd. What do you think, should I be concerned?



Where is the cheapest place to stock up on OPKS? I think I need to start using them so I can eliminate some uncertainty!

 

[InLuv101]

Date: 5/12/2009 7:11:04 AM
Author: fisherofmengirly
IWPO- what did your temp do today?

****
Blushing/NYC- It''s so frustrating how insurance works. Ack! I hate calling because you end up on hold so much and have to push all these crazy buttons to be able to actually speak to a human these days. It sounds like the facility you two are talking about is huge and maybe not as laid back as my office, but my office actually called my insurance before my first appointment, to see what my coverage would be for things. Not sure if that''s an option, but I''d try it and see! (Also, if your insurance has an internet site, lots of times you can find the answers about it the facility you''re looking at is in network, and sometimes there will be a break down of coverage for different procedures.) I''m so glad it worked for you and so quickly, NYC. I tear up thinking of the women/families who have to undergo that process for cycle upon cycle, and who have to fight insurance the whole way through... It''s awful.

****
Swimmer,

I went back and looked at a chart you''ve posted in the past. Isn''t it odd how one person''s ave. temp. is like 97.3, and another''s can be 98, and another in the 96 range? So weird.

Thanks for thinking of me, I think of you and hope that we go through pregnancy together! I hope all of us here do.

****
I stopped at Dollar General yesterday and got a couple $1 pregnancy tests, thinking I''d use them unless I had reason to use FRER (you know, like if I''m still on this cycle come Sunday...), totally thinking I''d use one this morning. Didn''t, though. Today''s temp rose again slightly (98.80), and although no single temp means a thing, it still gives me hope, and I plan to ride this hope thing as long as possible.

So, my next Dr. appt. is for June 2, 2009. I likely either won''t have ovulated by then, or will be doing so at the time of the appt (based on this cycle and past one... ovulated CD14 then CD20). I wonder if I should call to move it back, hoping that when we go in, we''ll be pregnant? I don''t know. I''m kind of thinking the Dr. will try to talk me into upping the dose of Clomid and I really am not comfortable with that. But again, thinking positive and maybe it won''t be an issue because I''ll be carrying my baby at like week 7 or so by then.

Thinking positive thoughts for everyone here... and especially for InLuv and Feb, in hopes that putting off TTC won''t even be an option, since you''ll be pregnant this cycle!

Thanks Fisher. You are so sweet

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Fingers and toes crossed for you guys this cycle

 

[blushingbride]

Date: 5/11/2009 9:00:41 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
If u check the mommy thread u will see recent pics of my twins...I just had them april16

I duno how It works with other docs...but crmi doesn''t accept ins at all ..I have ghi ins and they cover unlimited iuis and 2 full ivf cycles...but crmi charges what they charge and ins pays what they pay...for example and u/s at crmi cost 300 and my ins pays 76...so I pay the difference! And its a big diff unfortunatley

....

I started with zr last jan and started my iui''s in april (had 3 iui''s) and got pg in sept with 1 ivf cycle...implanted 2 embies and both stuck so it was quite fast and I am sooo thankful for it...

I say be careful with iui''s bc they don''t warn u that every time u come in to be monitored (its pretty much every day for like 2 weeks.) Its $600 a day almost! And ins will cover a small percentage of that...
Also ask ur carrier if crmi is in or out of network (usually out and that means they cover even less)..

Its a crazy process but worth it in the end.

Congratulations NYC!!! Your babies are so adorable! Thier shirts are great..."Twins are Twice the Fun!" LOVE IT! I don''t really spend too much time on the mommy thread - sometimes I lurk there, but I''m saving my time spent there for when I am a mommy!

Someone on The Bump posted about CRMI last month about and said that they just started taking insurance in October and that before then, they did not accept insurance at all. They only accept United Healthcare, Oxford and Empire BC. Luckily, I have Oxford so, we''ll see if this helps any.

 

[blushingbride]

Another good thing - I just looked up my RE on Oxford''s website and she''s on there so, she''s in network. Hopefully, that will help with some of the costs, but again, we shall see!

 

[Sha]

Sorry to hear that you''ll be putting TTC on hold, InLuv and February. That''s definitely a hard decision to have to make, even though it''s logical - it''s really hard all the same, when you''ve been wanting a baby for so long.

Hopefully, the economy straightens out soon.....there are so many families being affected in so many different ways.... it''s really hard.

 

[Festy]

Aw, Feb, I''m sorry that #4 won''t happen for you. I can imagine what a heartbreaking conversation that must have been.

Blushing - I love reading the optimisim in your posts about the next stage of TTC. I am hoping great things for you and it sounds like you''re in terrific hands. DH and I haven''t quite gotten to the point where we are ready to embrace fertility treatments but I know we will be there soon. Thanks for continuing to keep us posted.

LLL - Right. I''ve been going through a similar phase of baby showers everywhere. I went to two baby showers last week for people who were married at the same time DH and I were. Fun times! I mean it was and it wasn''t, you know? Thankfully no one has asked me what our plans are re: children. Ugh. I''m thinking my apparent outward deficiency in all maternal qualities has people assuming I won''t have kids. And that''s just fine by me. Either that or they all know we''re trying (the horror!) and are keeping their mouths shut.

Fisher - Yay for another high temp!

IWPO - Hm. Another low temp. Sup with that?

 

[nycbkgirl]

Blushing- that''s really good news if they started taking ins! That really surprises me but nonetheless reallly great news and u lucked out having the ins they accept! ....its all good signs . I think u will be happy with crmi....
Do u know what ur infertility issue is??

Thanx for baby compliments

Fisher-it is such a shame that the ins process is so frustrating but I was able to get all the answers from them...talking to someone is better than online when it comes to fertility info ...u should make a list of ''s and have them prepared when speaking to a rep...but hopefully u won''t need that...im sooooo rooting for ya!

 

[blushingbride]

Date: 5/12/2009 2:17:51 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
Blushing- that''s really good news if they started taking ins! That really surprises me but nonetheless reallly great news and u lucked out having the ins they accept! ....its all good signs . I think u will be happy with crmi....
Do u know what ur infertility issue is??

Thanx for baby compliments

Fisher-it is such a shame that the ins process is so frustrating but I was able to get all the answers from them...talking to someone is better than online when it comes to fertility info ...u should make a list of ''s and have them prepared when speaking to a rep...but hopefully u won''t need that...im sooooo rooting for ya!

NYC - as far as I know, I''m unexplained at this point. Either that or just impatient and maybe nothing''s wrong. We''ve been actively trying since last July (I''m 31 and DH is 34) and I''ve done all the necessary blood tests for CD3 and 7DPO (twice actually) which came back normal, my husband had an SA which also came back normal and I had an ultra sound done which also came back...you guessed it...NORMAL.

In addition, I use a monitor each month and preseed - I do not temp (too stressful for me).

My mom was diagnosed with endometriosis which they say can be genetic. I was talking to her this past weekend and she said the doctors told her the same thing - that everything was normal. She was left undiagnosed for 7 years because she didn''t have any symptoms (I don''t either). I certainly do not want to wait 7 years like she did and thankful, times have changed since 30 years ago so, I''m hoping that CRMI will help me to move things along. Needless to say, this process has been so draining. At least if I knew what was wrong, I could probably get through this easier, but not knowing what the heck is wrong (if anything) is so frustrating for both of us.

Anyway, I''ll definitely keep you posted on things. I appreciate all of your wonderful advice and know that you are a success story!

 

[cakeny]

Congratulations on the twins, they are beautiful1!!

So I won't be participating in this thread much seeing as I have so much acronym brushing up to do BUT I took Laila's advice and bought "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and...one of those thermometer thing-ies (see, I told you I needed help!). Might as well start figuring out what's going on in there now that I'm finally off the pill and other crap (the ring).

And so it begins...

Here's wishing everyone a good month and cycle!

ETA: I'm SO sorry for your loss whitetulips. I also have a little (big) guy who is everything to me and I can only imagine what you are going through.

Please hang in there, and I wish there was something more I could do. Thinking of you and your pooch...

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Ok, so I just started spotting. That is very wrong as I am like clockwork, I will make a OBGYN apt tomorrow.

I am very nervous.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Talked to my best friend tonight... for hours. She lost her baby yesterday morning, went in today for an ultrasound and they said there is still some she has left to pass... so she goes back in a week to be sure everything has flushed right, but they don''t think she''ll need the D&C after all. Surprisingly, she''s doing pretty well. She said that while it was painful (emotionally and physically) to go through, she''s glad that the worst part is over now. She said that she and her husband had already grown very attached to the child, and they will forever remember the baby they carried for not long at all, but they will try again right away for another baby. She said something I remember Lindsey saying when she lost her baby: her body aches for a baby and wants a baby, and her heart wants one she can hold and love and watch grow, and her husband feels the same way. I can''t tell you how good it was to talk to her and just have that time with her for her to vent and cry and laugh and remember and dream of what''s to come. No one ever told either of us that this cycle of life thing didn''t always mean that you have to wait for what seems like forever for a baby, or that you have to lose a baby you never got a chance to hold. In an odd way, I feel closer to her than I have in ages.

(I think Lulu asked if we live far apart, we do, somewhat. I''m in GA, she''s in MD. Prior to her marriage, she was in AZ, so we''re much closer now, thankfully! Hopefully we''ll get together in a month or so...)

*****
IWPO, Hmm. That''s odd. A drop typically is only a one day thing... I wonder what could be going on. Let us know how the Dr. visit goes (if you feel comfortable about that). Regarding your question about cheap OPKS: early-pregnancy-tests.com as some you can order off the net, and Walmart/Target has Answer brand that you can buy in a 20 (or maybe it''s 30) strip box for about $14-16 bucks. The only thing is, with the Answer tests, they are only good for a month after you open the tube and I assume the ones from the next are individually wrapped (their pregnancy tests are anyway).

Thinking happy thoughts for the Dr. visit. Hope they can get you in soon!

****
Cakeny, if you hang around long enough, the thread will make more sense. There are random posts throughout with the break down of what various acronyms mean. I can search and post one of them again, if that would help. I''ve heard many good things about TCOYF. Enjoy the read!

****
Blushing, what good news that they take insurance now, and yours to boot!

When will you be meeting with them?

****
Tiffany and DrK and Steph and Charger and everyone else who''s around by not posting much these days: Hi, girls!

Thinking of you and just wanted to say hi and hope you''re doing well.

 

[Laila619]

Date: 5/12/2009 3:13:11 PM
Author: cakeny
Congratulations on the twins, they are beautiful1!!

So I won''t be participating in this thread much seeing as I have so much acronym brushing up to do BUT I took Laila''s advice and bought ''Taking Charge of Your Fertility'' and...one of those thermometer thing-ies (see, I told you I needed help!). Might as well start figuring out what''s going on in there now that I''m finally off the pill and other crap (the ring).

And so it begins...

Here''s wishing everyone a good month and cycle!

ETA: I''m SO sorry for your loss whitetulips. I also have a little (big) guy who is everything to me and I can only imagine what you are going through.

Please hang in there, and I wish there was something more I could do. Thinking of you and your pooch...

Yay! I found that book so helpful. Here''s hoping you''ll be back in no time here temping with us!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Hello- I just wanted to chime in about the documentary "The Business of Being Born"- I LOVED IT. I watched it last week and I am not completely obsessed with wanting a midwife. AND I am not going to TTC for a good 5 years- I am not even married ha (OR engaged!) If you haven''t seen it, it''s amazing. It''s full of useful and insightful information that is very well researched and makes a lot of sense.

Sorry to be a weirdo and post around here, but I can''t rave about that documentary enough. It actually makes having birth look somewhat FUN. Not scary in the least. I want a baby! Doesn''t help that I''m watching 18 kids and counting!

Good luck everyone! Back to lurking... and living through you ladies till I am in your shoes.

P.S. I truly believe you all deserve your babies and you will get preggers when it''s right!!

 

[swimmer]

IWPO, good luck, spotting plus temp drop is normally a "bad" thing on the TTC thread. I hope all is well, you are a real cutie and it sucks that you are having an emotional roller coaster now.

White Tulips, I''m so sorry about your dog. It is so hard to loose a pet, unlike people there is no complexity to the relationship, just pure love. Hugs to you and your family.

BB, any insurance good news is amazing, fantastic that you are headed in so soon to see someone awesome.

InLuv and February, what a difficult situation to be in. My heart goes out to you both.

Lulu, thank you for an awesome post. I''m there with you girl. It can be so hard, your eloquence really touched me.

Festy, not sure who you are...you are witty and interesting, that just doesn''t narrow it down enough for me, though I have some suspicions lately.

Cakeny, Sha, Charger, Steph, everyone, good Luck, pulling for you!

Fisher, You will not believe it, my temp this am was 99.6. Yes, I am now a lizard on FIRE! You are too cute checking my old chart. It is good that you and your friend were able to really talk about her loss. That is being a true friend. Have an awesome W!

A friend had her baby early this am, can''t wait to go see him! She was on bedrest/mod bedrest for 3 months and then he went several days past his due date! This baby is fully cooked!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Hey girls.

I had a temp drop today, so if I go into hiding, you''ll all know why. Trying to keep the hope, but at some point, it just seems to be pointless when you know the invetiable is upon you. Still not much for coming here to post when I''m down, although I appreciate others'' posts when they do so.

Right now, I mostly feel bad about letting Paul down. Again. We were so hoping to avoid any further testing, appointments, and his much dreaded referral to get the swimmers checked. Ah.

Yeah, it''s not over til it''s over, and oh how I hope I really do have a 4 week old baby in there somewhere... but well, temps don''t lie, do they?

My mind has officially gone nuts and made me nuts in the process. I was *sure* this was it. I was confident, I was adamant. Looks like I was wrong.

Argh. That''s all I have to say right now.

Pulling for my girls in the two week wait; jump on the preggo ride outta here!!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

OK, so still spotting but my temp went back above the coverline. Here is my chart now. Not sure what caused the drop or why i am spotting 10 days before my usual time...I am going to try to get in to the doc this week (hopefully he can see me).

How is everyone else today?

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 5/13/2009 7:39:03 AM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Hey girls.

I had a temp drop today, so if I go into hiding, you''ll all know why. Trying to keep the hope, but at some point, it just seems to be pointless when you know the invetiable is upon you. Still not much for coming here to post when I''m down, although I appreciate others'' posts when they do so.

Right now, I mostly feel bad about letting Paul down. Again. We were so hoping to avoid any further testing, appointments, and his much dreaded referral to get the swimmers checked. Ah.

Yeah, it''s not over til it''s over, and oh how I hope I really do have a 4 week old baby in there somewhere... but well, temps don''t lie, do they?

My mind has officially gone nuts and made me nuts in the process. I was *sure* this was it. I was confident, I was adamant. Looks like I was wrong.

Argh. That''s all I have to say right now.

Pulling for my girls in the two week wait; jump on the preggo ride outta here!!

I''m pulling for you

 

[swimmer]

Good morning Fisher,
You are not letting anyone down! Now I''m going to be stern here because I care about you. Something is going on in the conception process that isn''t quite right. You would never tell someone who is depressed to just snap out of it, or with cancer to just pray on it. As you know quite well, taking the next step involves action.

Something is going on, you just have to get to the bottom of it and your babies will be well worth the effort. I have to say that DH was like Paul, taken aback by the idea of the SA and then it was explained to J when/where to drop off his specimen and it was really easy (ahem, I helped). He was so proud of himself when the results came in (and his motility was avg). The really good news is if the issue is with Paul''s swimmers then you just go in together when the ultrasound shows that you are good to go and his specimen is washed and then delivered (with a small bow) to your eggs. Remember how squeamish you were about the trans-vag us? And it wasn''t really much to write home about, you just did it and the results were worth it. The SA is the same. You are doing all you can (and then some), now it really is about time for Paul to do his bit. Totally understandable that he doesn''t want to. But with your results all coming back as normal...it takes two to make this baby. Hugs to you lady, this is not at all easy, I''m praying for you guys.

 

[Dreamer_D]

IWPO I wonder if the temp drop was caused by an unusually large sruge in estrogen mid LP, which could also account for the spotting? I don''t think I would worry too much about it since it is a one-off thing... it is unlikely IMO that those symptoms are a sign of pregnancy so early in your cycle.

 

[Sha]

Date: 5/13/2009 9:20:12 AM
Author: swimmer
Good morning Fisher,
You are not letting anyone down! Now I''m going to be stern here because I care about you. Something is going on in the conception process that isn''t quite right. You would never tell someone who is depressed to just snap out of it, or with cancer to just pray on it. As you know quite well, taking the next step involves action.

Something is going on, you just have to get to the bottom of it and your babies will be well worth the effort. I have to say that DH was like Paul, taken aback by the idea of the SA and then it was explained to J when/where to drop off his specimen and it was really easy (ahem, I helped). He was so proud of himself when the results came in (and his motility was avg). The really good news is if the issue is with Paul''s swimmers then you just go in together when the ultrasound shows that you are good to go and his specimen is washed and then delivered (with a small bow) to your eggs. Remember how squeamish you were about the trans-vag us? And it wasn''t really much to write home about, you just did it and the results were worth it. The SA is the same. You are doing all you can (and then some), now it really is about time for Paul to do his bit. Totally understandable that he doesn''t want to. But with your results all coming back as normal...it takes two to make this baby. Hugs to you lady, this is not at all easy, I''m praying for you guys.

Sorry about the temp drop, Fisher....

.... I agree with swimmer. It''s really important that you know whether if everything is okay on DH''s side too - since it takes two of you to make this baby. You also only have limited cycles on Clomid - so I think getting the S/A done should be a priority before your next cycle (if it begins). I can understand his reluctance to do it.... my DH hasn''t been to a doctor in years and would''ve been extremely squeamish about doing an S/A too....thankfully he didn''t have to. The good thing with your DH is that he seems highly motivated to have this baby as well....so hopefully that will translate into getting those s/a results soon, so you can both be reassured as to what may be going on ((HUGS)).

 

[Festy]

Good morning ladies,

Swimmer, hi! Congrats to your friend! How exciting...

Fisher - I''m sorry about the temp drop. I know how devastating it is to have your hopes dashed. I''m sure Paul will step up like a champ, if need be, to do the SA. It was no fun for us either, and we get to do another one soon! We even have the plastic cup in our medicine cabinet, just staring at us every day! Oh the fun.

I''m sorry...I know you don''t want to be thinking about this right now but you guys will be ok. You seem very strong as a couple.

IWPO - Hm, well like DD says, probably no need to worry unless this becomes a pattern. It''s great that you''re charting and will have tons of info for your doctor.

Cakeny - Hi! If you ever have time on a rainy day, I strongly recommend reading this thread from the beginning.

It will only take you a few days and when you''re done you will have laughed, cried, stared agog at your computer screen and jumped up and down. It''s really worth it!

Festy out.

 

[whitetulips]

I just wanted to say thank you to mia, iwpo, burk, festy, laila, lulu, fisher, cakeny, and swimmer for offering your support to me- it means a lot right now. I thought that each day would get easier, but really they aren''t. It is still so early so I guess that is to be expected. My fiance printed off about 30 pictures of her for me and we have framed a bunch which is actually helping.

********

Burk- we are moving to Lincoln, is that near you?

So sorry about ttc for you Inluv and February- hopefully everything will work out in the end

Fisher- I still have my fingers crossed for you!!

IWPO- I hope your appointment with the obgyn goes well, since I am still new to all of this I don''t really know what is going on with your chart and the spotting- my fingers are crossed for you too!

********

My fiance and I bought a bbt and I started temping/charting yesterday morning. I feel so silly saying that my heart seems only half into trying this month because of the loss of my dog. At least now that I am temping I will know for sure if I am ovulating. My last cycle was weird and I got positive opk''s at weird times so I feel like I may have never even ovulated.

 

[Burk]

**HUGS*** Fisher!!

whitetulips~That''s where we live.

 

[nycbkgirl]

fisher ....I agree about dh stepping up to the plate and doing the SA...my dh had to do it multiple times(SA,iui''s and ivf) but no complaints....its not like he was doing ME a favor afterall...its a mutual thing!...the process is private and professional.

 

[peonygirl]

Awww, sorry Fishie! DH was sooo nervous about the results of his SA (remember we did the home one), but I think it''s better to know one way or the other. Since you''re coming up on a year trying you would probably be able to get that and an HSG done at a really reasonable cost with your insurance. Darn this TTC thing! It''s such a rollercoaster!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Just to clarify, it''s not a matter of Paul not being willing to do it, he will. We are a team in every way, and in this front especially, I know I couln''t get through this emotional ride without him and his support and understanding and love and goofiness. It''s more a matter of me desperately wanting for it to not have to come to him having to have the test. And the thing of it is, Paul and I would only be having it to rule out that there''s any issue with him. We''ve talked pretty extensively about all these other procedures and medications and treatments and we stand together on the feeling that we aren''t going that route. So shots and upping clomid and washing sperm to shoot into me isn''t going to happen. For us, it''s just a matter of hoping that things work out, but we''re not comfortable with taking the "by any means necessary" approach. Part of me wonders if we should even do the analysis, because if it were to come back with any issues, it''s not like we''d be doing those procedures. I don''t know of any medications they offer men, but I''m not sure we''d do that, either, if it were an option. The appt. we have scheduled is for June 2, and we''ll go in together then but I''m not going to worry with scheduling another appointment. Paul will be out for the summer by then and it will hopefully be less stressful because of that.

In a way, I feel like I''m coming to a turning point in the TTC journey. While I want it with all my heart, all my soul, and I really can''t imagine my life apart from being a mother, I am really growing tired of the way my life''s been lived this past year, constantly thinking about having a baby (not sure when/if that will ever fade, though), the heartache when things don''t work out right. I can''t think back on any milestone in the past year without having a timeframe around that point that identifies where we were in the cycle, the drama. It''s not the way I want to live the next year of my life, or years of my life, too.

One thing Paul and I agreed to when we first started thinking that it would take us a while at this process (around month 5, only cycle number 3, though...), was that we won''t allow this to overtake our lives. And I think we owe it to one another not to let that happen. We didn''t set up time lines for when we throw in the towel, but I feel that discussion will evolve soon.

If there was anything in this world I could do to *will* myself to be able to conceive and carry a baby, I would do it. I pray about it daily, think about it daily, dream of the day I get to hold a child in my arms. But I can''t will it to happen (even though I apparently can will myself to puke when I think I''m pregnant, however).

In the meantime, thinking only the best thoughts for us to find our way to parenthood, and for all my friends here, too.... I''ll be away for a while, just taking some time to regroup, I think.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Fisher I am sorry you have to experience this.