The Official TTC for 6 Months or More Thread

[BrightSpot]

Oh, MP, honey, I'm so sorry. Big hugs going out to you. I think a frank conversation with your NP is a good idea & maybe having a consult with a RE too. Can any of these diagnostics be coded something to do with painful periods or something that's unrelated to fertility so your insurance might cover it? And ditto to LV's thoughts about injectables. They do produce more eggs (though you seem to be producing a good amount with clomid/femara) and they're very expensive without insurance.

Honestly...I feel so much of this is random. In a way, that makes it harder to wrap your brain around & harder to try to control, or think, "If I do this treatment, I'll get this result." And that's super frustrating!
But, on the other hand, it's kinda hopeful too. My doc said a while ago that you just never know when that good egg is going to come up. I really think you'll have another child. But I know how hard the waiting is.

I've been listening to more fertility interviews at the Mind Belly Connection Summit over the past few days. I've been really moved by all of the positive energy & think a lot of them have been pretty enlightening. Some deal with physical aspects of infertility, but the ones that actually resonated most with me were the ones that talked about the emotional ramifications. Some of them have been pulled down already (they are only up for free for 48 hours after airing), but there are many left if you guys are interested.

http://www.mindbellyconnectionsummit.com/replay.html

This is such a tough process. Sometimes listening to a fresh voice of someone who has been through this & understands what you're going through & has some positive strategies to offer can be helpful.

Thanks for always pulling for me, friend, and know that I'll always be in your corner too.

SS, what a great story! I've heard several similar ones from friends/family/& my GP, even, about people getting pregnant after failed cycles or when they'd given up after years trying, or naturally after they'd needed IVF for the first baby. Again, I think it's so random, but those stories have always made me feel hopeful too.

LV, I'm glad you're taking some time off & starting acupuncture & herbal treatment. Actually one of the talks I listened to was a Chinese medicine specialist who creats prep for IVF programs. Apparently he has a 71% success rate when his programs are combined with IVF, which was pretty impressive, especially considering that most of his clients are older &/or have had failed cycles. The guy actually recommended herbal remedies over acupuncture (but said acupuncture was great as a secondary treatment.) So I think this is a wonderful step! (He does usually recommend a 3 month prep program before the IVF too, but I totally understand your not wanting to wait that long!) The moxa sounds fascinating! Good luck with it! I think you will have success soon, friend.

Brightlight, thank you, dear.

avia, SB, how are you guys doing?

amc, mlk & JGator, thanks for sharing your beta numbers. Very helpful!

JGator & mlk, thanks to you both for sharing your experiences with thyroid medications. I told my friend & she said, "wow, you have great resources!" And I do.

Also, to ditto Bella's point, I absolutely refer to (& consider) you guys as friends. I've had many conversations with my DH that began "my friend Monkey" this or "Bella" that (which sometimes leads to brief but amusing misunderstandings because our cat is also named Bella), etc.
We do share so many intimate, difficult, emotional, and sometimes joyous things with each other. And, aside from my DH, you guys have been my primary source of support in this journey. I'm very grateful for all of you.

And I have a big cabinet full of medications too!

mlk, I forgot how early you got your bfp! What a long wait to get a beta!

AFM, I got my second beta result...1234 at 18dpo. My doc said it was a nice rise & I'm to come in for an ultrasound in 2 weeks.
I was chatting with my DH & getting fidgety & he said, "Go ahead & tell your ladies. I know that's what you want to do."

 

[tammy77]

WOOHOO!!!!!!'

 

[monkeyprincess]

Oh Bright, that's fantastic news! I'll keep praying for more and more good news!

Thanks for the kind words too!

 

[amc80]

Best news I've heard in a long time. Congrats!!

 

[royalasscherlover]

I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the posts lately, but here goes..

MP, big hugs. I completely understand how you feel - it's just devastating month after month and gets harder the longer it goes on. I've had exactly the same thought that it would be so much easier if we could at least know that we'd be successful at some point, but sadly that's not the way it works. I've also been having a rough few days, which I'm realizing is a pattern. I'm ok and even a little optimistic the first week after ovulation and IUI, but the second week I am always depressed and sure that I'm not pregnant and never will be, even before I start testing. I think it's that this time is about waiting and the anticipation of bad news, whereas the first half of the cycle feels much more proactive and I know I'm doing what I can. Regarding next steps...my RE told me that injectible cycles do have a higher success rate, but I think that's because of more follicles, not quality. Since you don't have a problem with that on Clomid, I'm not sure you would see a benefit. And they are way more expensive - about $1000 or more per cycle. I would second going to an RE, but if you'd pay out of pocket and aren't sure you want more aggressive treatments, I can understand your hesitation. One thing I try to remind myself is that 6 cycles is average to conceive...so if the stim/IUI just gets us unlucky ones up to typical normal fertility, you still have a few more months before you're over that. (Wow, that was a book...see what happens when I get behind!)

LV, I'm glad you have a plan that you feel good about. Enjoy your break - it can be nice to forget about this stuff for a little while.

avia, sorry about the pregnancy dream, but it sounds like you are progressing ok on the Clomid. Keep growing!

Bright, still sending all my good thoughts that your beta today looks as good as the one on Tuesday! We are all rooting for you.

afm, still in the 2ww. I won't test until next week and am considering just waiting to see if AF shows up. Like MP, I've been in a funk the past few days (although acupuncture yesterday did help a bit). The two women in my real-life support group that I identified with the most haven't been there at the past couple meetings, so I asked the social worker if she'd heard from them. Both are pregnant, and while I am thrilled for them and also thrilled that there is hope for those of us who struggle, I feel left behind and sad that I don't also have happy news. The rational side of me knows that, physically, I have only had a chance at success for 4 cycles, but emotionally, I've been trying for almost a year and a half and that definitely takes a toll. If this cycle doesn't work, I'm going to move to a hybrid Femara/injectible cycle to increase the number of follicles. So I've been trying to make sure I understand the insurance rules for the injectibles (they changed in 2014) and watching videos about giving myself the injections - when I did injectibles abroad, they were administered by a nurse. I'm sure it will be no big deal once I do it a few times, but I'm a little nervous anticipating it. I have never liked shots but I guess by the time this whole infertility journey is over I won't care anymore.

Sorry for rambling!

 

[royalasscherlover]

Bright, you posted while I was composing my novel. So excited for you! Excellent news - it couldn't happen to a more deserving person.

 

[pancake]

Bright, that is WONDERFUL news!!! It all sounds so... normal!!!

Re would I be pissed off at my patients? To be honest, patients go against our advice all the time. They take their meds, they don't take their meds, they take them at the wrong time, they miss a day, they forget, they check their sugars (I'm an endo), they don't check their sugars, blah blah blah etc blah. If I got annoyed at them every time they did something that WASN'T by the book I would basically no longer be a doctor as I would have destroyed too many neurons banging my head against a brick wall.

So I wouldn't worry too much

 

[Bella_mezzo]

BRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really hoping that this is a strong and sticky bean(s)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those are great betas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LV-I really think that acupuncture, chinese herbs, and the fertility yoga DVD I was doing helped when were were TTC but they definitely took several months to take effect: http://www.amazon.com/Restoring-Fertility-Brandon-FABORM-Wendy/dp/B001OVFAA4

 

[mlk]

Woohoo Bright, what great numbers!!! Your DH sounds just wonderful too!

 

[lliang_chi]

Bright!! I'm so so so so happy for you!!!

~LC

 

[Dandi]

Just delurking to say squeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! OMG Bright!!!! So excited for you!!!

 

[Loves Vintage]

BrightSpot!! Sooooooooooo happy and excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

SB - I'm very hopeful for you. I hope you get to leave your support group like your two friends too! Glad to hear that acupuncture is helpful for you. I feel like it's really something to look forward to, and it really improves my moods. My husband is all for it! Haha. Re: the injectables (and I hope you don't ever need them!), they really do get easier after a few times. My husband used to do the injections, but then I just decided to start doing them myself. It's just quicker that way. The needles are really really thin, so that helps make it less daunting.

Bella - Thanks for the recommendation.

MP - Hope you are feeling better today. Yay for Friday!

 

[monkeyprincess]

Brightspot, hope you enjoy the weekend and are able to relax and keep the anxiety as low as possible over the next couple of weeks. You so deserve this wonderful news, and nothing would make me happier than to see you finally see a heartbeat and graduate from this thread!

SB, you described my patterns and emotions exactly. I wish I could figure out a way to stay emotionally detached until 14dpo, but I just don't think that's possible. I repeatedly go through the highs and lows. Unfortuntely, I think it just comes with the territory. And I understand the mixed emotions about your support group friends moving on. I'm keeping everything crossed for you that between your two follicles one of them stuck this time! If this doesn't happen to be your cycle, I'm really hoping you will have more success with the injectibles. BTW, has your doctor said anything about how many IUIs he would recommend? Everything I keep reading talks about the highest success rates happening over the first 3-4 cycles on any given protocol. Which is why I'm so depressed that my third didn't work.

LV, thanks. II'm feeling less raw emotion today after getting all of that out yesterday. Hopefully, I can enjoy the weekend and not be too miserable. Hope you have a good weekend as well.

AFM, the wondfo was completely BFN this morning, so I am almost certainly out.I know that people probably have less sympathy for someone going through secondary infertility than someone going through primary infertility, and I completely understand that. It's different this time because my life doesn't feel "joyless," which it sometimes did when I was trying for my first. My son brings me so much joy and I only have a few days a month were I feel hopeless instead of every day. But I have to say that I feel just as devastated as I did the first time. I feel sad not only for me and DH, but also for my son. And on that uplifting note . . . . Have a good weekend everyone!

 

[JGator]

Bright, I read your update while I was rocking my 1-year old to sleep last night, and I thought I really want Bright to have this same "snuggly/cuddly" feeling someday SOON. I am so hopeful and optimistic and emotional and excited for you. I think the beta update is a really great sign. I will be praying for you and your bean.

MP, I think you will get your 2nd miracle likely when you least expect it. I agree with Bright, you just need one good egg to come out, and I think you really do have time on your side even though it may not be the timeline you wanted. Hugs to you, my dear.

 

[CurlySue]

I pretty much never post anymore and only lurk periodically, but I am so happy I checked this thread this morning.

Bright, I got chills reading your recent updates! It is wonderful to read such wonderful news! I am very hopeful and optimistic for you and your DH. Sending you super sticky positive thoughts!!!

 

[lliang_chi]

MP, I'm sorry you're so down, and it is perfectly human to feel the same devastation this go 'round than when you were first TTC. The urge to have a baby is so strong and so natural it's hard to rationalize it away. It's instincts, y'know? I really love what you say about Ev giving you so much joy. Breathe that joy in, my friend. And while it might not be on your timeline, things still might happen.

SB Hoping this cycle is successful for you. I'm sorry you feel "left behind." I'm glad you're enjoying the acupuncture, and at the very least it helps you relax, even if it's just during the sessions.

LV, good call on the weekend acupuncture appts. I'll have to find one that does weekends and has availability.

 

[monkeyprincess]

LC and JGator, thanks for understanding. I'm sure it's hard for people to understand why it seems like I'm in such a rush to have another with Ev being only 15 months, but my DH will be 45 in a few months, so even though I'm only 33, I feel urgency based on his age more so than mine. And more importantly, if I'm having this much trouble at 33, is certainly isn't going to get any easier for us as I age. I'm at a loss right now as to how to move forward. I know I'm not unique in these feelings, but sometimes, it just so isolating to have this big heavy thing hanging over you all the time and feeling like it is completely out of your control. I probably need to take a break from this site and everything fertility related for awhile because I'm just really in a bad place with all of this right now, and I don't feel like I'm contributing anything positive right now.

 

[S&I]

Yay Bright!!! Tons of continued sticky dust for a healthy bean that you'll get to see in 2 weeks! Enjoy your weekend!

MP, hugs mama!

 

[dcgator]

I'm sorry I am so late to the party here, but...

OMG, CONGRATS Brightspot!!!! I am so happy for you and your family and I can't wait to follow with you as your little bean grows. A very happy and healthy nine months to you my dear!

LV - I also wanted to say that I am sorry that things haven't been going your way in the TTC department, but I have all the faith in the world that you will get a little brother or sister for S soon enough. Know that I am keeping you in my thoughts and when you get back on the fertility train, I will be cheering right along for you. Big hug lady!

MP - I am sorry that you are down and please know that I am keeping you in my thoughts as well. I hope you are able to get some better results the next go round. Big hug to you too lady!

For the rest of you, although I am not posting often, I am keeping an eye out for you all. Good luck in the coming cycles and take care of you!

 

[brightlight]

BrightSpot, I'm so thrilled for you!

Monkeyprincess, I'm so sorry that you're so emotionally drained right now. Also, I don't think that you're in a rush or trying too soon to have baby #2. I understand if you need to step away from this thread for a bit to clear your mind, but please don't ever think that you're burdening anyone here by sharing your struggles. We're here to celebrate the good times and comfort each other through the bad times. Perhaps it's a good idea to take this next cycle off while your husband's taking the antibiotics just to give yourself a break emotionally.

Shortblonde, I hope you also know that we're all here to support you if you're feeling down. I've got my fingers crossed for you!

LV, I hope you're enjoying this time off and relaxing!

 

[royalasscherlover]

LV, MP, liang, and brightlight, thanks for the support. It helps to know that we can all be there for one another in this process.

And MP, I wanted to second brightlight - if you need to take time off for your own mental health, i understand, but don't leave because you don't think you're contributing. You offer plenty of knowledgeable and compassionate support to everyone here and it's ok to use this thread as a place to vent - there are so few other venues for that and i think there is value in knowing that we're not alone in this struggle and can relate to one another's feelings, whatever they may be.

Oh, and my RE hasn't said anything to me about an IUI limit. In fact, one of my support group friends who left got lucky with her 6th Femara/IUI cycle, so I wouldn't give up just yet.

 

[lizzyann]

Bright Bright Bright Bright!!!! Rooting for you!!!! Wooooo Hoooooo!!!!

 

[Loves Vintage]

MP - I'll second what everyone else has said. If you want to take a break, and I have done this in the past, both intentionally (like I knew I couldn't take the exposure to fertility-related discussions and needed to be away from it), and unintentionally (like I really don't feel like I need a break, but I just can't manage to post anything in this thread, I still read it, and the exposure doesn't bother me at all, but I just can't seem to post anything, even though there are things I want to say.) But, of course, don't feel the need to stop posting because you have nothing positive to contribute. Though, I will say, I understand that too. I post only a fraction of the negative emotions I have on here! Though, in a sense, it would probably be better if we all did! This is really hard to go through. I manage to ignore my own feelings for the most part, too, and maybe get him with them all at once when the bfn's arrive.

As far as a break from treatments, it feels like a vacation sort of. Maybe like one you don't want to go on, but when you get there, it's pretty nice. While I do not want to delay this process, I do feel much more relaxed about this aspect of life anyway. Work is another story.

 

[aviastar]

MP- I'm with all the pp; take a break if you need it. I am on a self imposed break from facebook right now for much the same reasons- it was making me wallow and that's counter productive. But I did want to address one thing you said- as a first timer myself I make no differentiation between those of us who are trying for the first, second, third, etc time. I want to have more than one; I can't imagine that if we manage to get pregnant that come two years later it wouldn't be just as stressful the second time around. I hope that if I am able to have one and then not another, I could accept that with grace and gratitude, but then again, if I can't have any I hope that I can accept that, too, with grace and gratitude for the life I live and my wonderful husband. You don't feel your family is finished, neither do I; that is the same hurt, the same sadness that we share. Chin up, love, you are not alone.

My heart is heavy today; I just can't seem to work up any optimism. I'm sure it's just a funk and I will try to put it away tonight and get up tomorrow with a new, brighter outlook. Second ultrasound tomorrow; near positive OPK this morning, no temp shift yet. I don't know if that makes tomorrow good timing or not for an ultrasound. Seeing the ovaries ready to ovulate isn't really the problem, it's making sure they've actually popped; so I may ask for a third ultrasound later this week to see if we can verify ovulation. I am not doing a trigger shot this round, but if there is an indication that that is the actual problem I will ask for one for February. We are heading out of town on Friday morning, and I think I will ovulate tomorrow or Tuesday. I can feel my heavy ovaries right now; feels like when I was a donor. Highly ironic that the meds make it more likely for pregnancy to occur, but also make me feel more bloated and less sexy, hence hindering that crucial step towards making pregnancy happen. We're getting it done, but it's not nearly as much fun as it should be.

 

[lliang_chi]

Still sending hugs to you MP, but if you decided to take a step back, I totally understand. We're here for you, always.

SB, Hope you can keep yourself distracted through the 2WW.

LV glad you're enjoying your "vacation" of sorts, and hope it'll help you recharge for when you get back in the thick of it. Thinking about you, m'dear.

Avia, Hugs my friend. It's completely normal to feel down, and I hope today's a better day for you. YOu've got your support here. I hope you get some good insight with the US and that your practice will be open to maybe doing a 3rd one. And sorry you're feeling "unsexy" but I'm sure you DH has a completely different opinion.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Hi ladies, thanks for the supportive posts. I'm still feeling down about the latest failed IUI, but not as devastated as I was last week. I'm not going to make a dramatic exit or anything. But I'm trying to get to a place of acceptance and realize that even though I have no control over this and have no idea what the future holds, I can't let this control my life and emotions. Still waiting on my progesterone to go down enough to let AF come, and then I guess I'll figure out where we go from there. I have to travel today and tomorrow, and then twice next week, and then once each of the next two weeks, so it is going to be a hectic month, and I probably couldn't do a treatment cycle even if I wanted to. DH is reluctant to take a break and doesn't think that will help me or make me feel better, but we'll have to figure all of that out in the coming weeks.

LC, wishing you a very healthy and happy pregnancy!

Aviastar, thanks for being so understanding. I'll be thinking about you and hope you get surprisingly good news at your ultrasound(s) and confirmation of ovulation. Unfortunately, there are times when the TTC becomes so mechanical and not romantic/fun, but it is just something you have to fight through and know it won't always be that way. Keep us posted on what you find out and enjoy your vacation.

LV, I'm glad to hear you are enjoying this break. I hope I'm able to relax a bit and enjoy it as well, although it's hard to let a month pass by knowing there is no real shot, you know? I really wish I could get beyond all of these negative thoughts. I guess I just never imagined that after getting pregnant on our first IUI last time, that I would be in this position after three this time. And I keep hearing that it will happen when you let go and least expect it, but I can't imagine ever being in that position and not keeping track of my cycle and not actively trying to get pregnant.

SB, thanks for sharing about your friend. That gives me a lot of hope that it wouldn't be the craziest thing in the world to continue trying a few more IUIs. Keeping my fingers so tightly crossed for you if and when you do test! I wish I could be as patient as you and not test early. I think I just really feel a need to start preparing myself early. Really hoping you get good news this time.

Brightlight, thanks for the support. I know we are feeling the same things, and it feels so good to have people support you when you are having a hard time. Hope things are going okay with you.

DCG, thanks for checking in again on us and for all the support.

 

[Puppmom]

Bright, I'm thrilled your betas are looking good. I'm looking forward to more good news soon!

MP, I'm sorry you're down. The TTC process is so stressful as - add in having a toddler, a full time job and RE intervention and I could see how it could become overwhelming. I hope you find what works for you to keep you sane through this and that you get a BFP soon!

 

[tbaus]

Bright, I'm so happy for you!!! I hope this is it, and in a few weeks you'll be joining us over in the JBP thread. I hope you are able to relax and the next 2 weeks fly by. Lots of sticky dust coming your way!!

shortblonde- not long until you test! I have my fingers crossed for you.

aviastar- I hope you O soon. And I'm sorry you are not feeling your best, but I'm sure your husband thinks you're as hot as ever! Go get it, girl!

LV- I'm happy to hear you are enjoying your 'vacation'. I hope one round of IVF is all you need. Thinking of you.

MP- Like others have said above, take a break if you need to. But please realise you are a such a positive contributor in this thread- you are a wealth of knowledge and definitely helped ease my worries more than once. And for me, it never matters whether others are trying for their first, or their fifth! If the urge is there, it's there. And it still hurts. Lots of *hugs* your way. I'm positive your wish will come true, sooner than you think!

 

[Loves Vintage]

SB - Continued good luck to you while you wait!

DCG and Tbaus - Thank you both for your support!

Aviastar - Hope you are feeling better. How did your u/s go?

MP - I hope your work travels provide a good distraction for you. I know what you mean about not feeling like you have a real shot during an off-cycle, but I do still have hope that some miracle may take place even without intervention. If you wind up taking a cycle off due to scheduling, then I hope you will find some of that hope too. I know it's so hard to see that hope for ourselves sometimes, but I really feel like it is a matter of time for you, not a matter of if, but when.

AFM:

OK, first, I am really struck by the number of people (work ACQUAINTANCES not even people I know well) who think it appropriate to ask me whether I am going to have more children. LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Now that that is over, I went to acupuncture. It was good. I did buy the herbs, even though I fully intended to refuse them. In fact, I did refuse them, and then about three seconds later I said -- ok. I haven't taken them yet. I'm scared as I am not really sure what is in them. I will try them. I just haven't yet.

 

[BrightSpot]

tbaus, thanks, sweetie. I hope this is it too! As for relaxing, I'm trying my best. The betas were reassuring & made me really happy, but I'm starting to get nervous again. You'd think I'd be used to the 2WW by now, right? Hope you're doing great & I can join you soon.

mlk, thanks. My DH is pretty sweet. I think I'll keep him.

pancake, tammy, amc, SB, MP, mlk, LC, dandiandi, LV, curly, S&I, dcgator, brightlight, lizzy & puppmom, thank you guys so much.

curly, thanks, dear. So glad to see you here. I hope you're doing well.

JGator, what a sweet thing to say. I really hope I'll be able to snuggle a little one of my own too. I think the beta's a good sign too & am feeling very hopeful (though still nervous.)

bella, thanks, lady! Me too! (Though you've gotta got it out with your (s)'s!)

SB, thanks, sweetie. How are you holding up? Crossing my fingers for you as your test date comes closer!

LV, I hope you're enjoying your "vacation." I think that's great that you're trying herbs. I've only taken them once (they're not very yummy...warning...) but I've heard great things.
I'm sorry your coworkers are making insensitive comments. I guess people don't really understand unless they've been there. Hugs to you.

LC, just read your great news!! Congrats, lady & a happy & healthy 9 months to you!

avia, hugs to you. I hope you're feeling better today. Sometime "getting it done" is the best we can hope for under the circumstances. Maybe you can make up for it when you go away this weekend.

MP thank you so much for your sweet posts, my dear. I'm sending you a huge virtual hug. (We need an emoticon for that. ) I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I heard recently that studies show that the stress levels of women dealing with infertility are similar to those who are diagnosed with AIDS, cancer & heart disease. You have so much on your plate on top of the fertility issues as well. If you need to step back, we totally understand that, but please don't do so because you don't feel you're contributing. You've always been such a wonderful source of support here. And never feel guilty about venting. It's therapeutic & that's why we're here!
I hope your travels will prove a nice distraction & that you're feeling better soon.

Brightlight, thinking of you, friend.

afm, I'm chugging along here. I feel like I'm having a few new symptoms this time around (including a weird feeling similar to motion sickness most evenings), which I'm really hoping is a good sign.
My first ultrasound is next Wednesday (1/29). According to my calculations, I'll be around 6w2d then. I'm starting to get nervous as the date approaches & really hoping for good news. If there's a heartbeat (please, God, let there be a heartbeat), I'd see it by then, right?