The Official TTC for 6 Months or More Thread

[BrightSpot]

Big hugs to everyone. I'm so sorry it's been such a rough week. MP & LV, I'm so sorry about the bfns.

Also sorry for not updating until now. We've been running around trying to move into a new place (we decided to get a new apartment & signed the lease yesterday) but the weather isn't our friend right now.

I had my u/s today & everything looked great. Baby was measuring 8w4d with a heart rate of 161bpm.
I was released to my OB & have my first OB appointment on the 27th.

I'll be back to post more later but didn't want to leave you guys hanging.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Bright, that is so wonderful! I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am for you that this is finally happening! Thanks for not leaving us hanging.

 

[JGator]

Yay Bright and baby Bright!!!! I am thrilled beyond words for you!! Enjoy your new apartment!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

YAY BRIGHT and sticky baby bright!!!!!! I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Clairitek]

Wonderful news, bright! And glad you found a new place!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Such wonderful news, Bright!! I am so so happy for you!! Good luck with your move! Hope you got lots done yesterday before the big storm today.

 

[Loves Vintage]

MP - I just remembered. I wanted to tell you (re: your comment that your follicles always seem to develop quickly) that I recall my nurses saying that injectibles allow the doctor to better control follicular development because they can modify the dosage of the medications better. Injectibles can be dosed by 25iu. Last cycle, I took 225, but I think I started first cycle at 150. What's interesting, in my case, is that the RE told me that I would take 225 for my IVF cycle. At the point he prescribed 225 for my last IUI, we already had 3 prior IUIs so there was a history of what I developed previously. I am now curious (and will find out soon) whether he will increase my dose for IVF based on my response last cycle. In any event, I am trying to say that when you see an RE they may be able to tailor your meds to lengthen the amount of time your follicles develop -- maybe you would start on clomid or femara and then injectibles to lengthen the time they develop, or maybe straight injectibles. All of this is to say, there is lots of hope for you yet!!

I also wanted to mention, on the topic of IVF, you might want to look up mini-IVF. I hesitate to even mention this because I feel very hopeful that injectibles will make the difference for you, but well, we like to talk here, right? I have not really researched mini-IVF, but I understand that the goal is to produce fewer eggs. Since you mentioned being concerned about remaining embryos, if you ever got to this stage, it might be something to consider (but I know you may have other concerns with the nature of IVF in general), because you mentioned wanting multiple children. On another board, there's a mom who decided with her husband before IVF that they would transfer ALL embryos. If I am remembering correctly, they now how 7 kids! A singleton and 3 sets of twins. Sounds slightly insane to me, but they are happy. I'm thinking with mini-ivf, you would have less than 7 with this strategy. I completely understand your concerns on remaining embryos. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), I do not think I will wind up with more than 2 good embryos due to my age.

Anyway, I hope I don't sound pushy or out of line re: the mini-ivf because I know you have already said you won't do ivf. Just sharing what I know. As I recall another poster telling BrightSpot on here once, your story is not over yet. I look forward to your BFP news one day soon!

Aviastar - Did you hear back from your office re: the lining? When is your apptmt with the other doctor re: the endo?

 

[monkeyprincess]

LV, thanks for the information. I do remember reading something about mini-IVF, but I really don't know much about it. From what I remember though, the article I was reading pretty much discouraged it because IVF is such a numbers game, and you just never know how well you will respond and how many good quality embryos you will get before you begin. Definitely something I should mention to the RE. I just have such mixed emotions about whether IVF is something I'd even consider. And you bring up a good point, even if I were to do regular IVF, there's a good chance I wouldn't have a lot of embryos to choose from, and since I'd be paying out of pocket, I would hate to spend all the money and then find out that I respond horribly and have bad quality eggs/embyros.

Anyway, I didn't think you were being pushy at all, and I always appreciate any information or insight anyone has to offer. I do hope that injectables will help me produce better quality eggs, but I just have no idea if that is even the issue. Argh!I just wish I knew what the hang up was in my case. Are my eggs so bad that they are just not fertilizing or is there something keeping them from getting to my uterus. I just have no idea.

SS, SB, Aviastar, how are things going?

 

[monkeyprincess]

LV, I forgot to comment on the seven children thing. Bless their hearts, but I for sure do not have it in me to have seven children! And three sets of twins? Ahhh! So funny because my mom had seven kids in her family with one set of twins. I guess things have just really changed. It would be a stretch to convince DH to have three kids If I had gotten married younger and wasn't so fertility challenged, I would have considered four kids. My dream last year was to have three. Now, I'll consider myself very blessed to have two. And if it's just Ev, well, I'd still consider myself blessed, because he's one heck of a little guy.

 

[Loves Vintage]

MP - Haha! Yes, 7 kids does seem unusual these days (and I think you know, but will say it anyway, I was not implying that you 7 kids would be an ideal plan for you!!) That couple did regular IVF, by the way. I'm not so sure you would wind up with few eggs, given your age, but I'm thinking with mini-ivf you could wind up with the less. Then, of course, the risk is that you wind up with no good embryos. It's really hard to know what your body will do in advance. And, you are right, your body could produce a lot more good eggs than anticipated, even with evidence from prior responses to the same medication dosages, but I guess, in that case, you could always convert to iui if there are not too many for an iui? I don't know, so many considerations with all of this, but definitely some things to discuss with your RE.

 

[monkeyprincess]

LV, I knew you weren't suggesting I have 7 kids! I don't think I'm biologically capable even if I wanted that

How are you holding up?

I'm having a rough day. I was proud of myself because I thought I was holding up really well, but then it all hit me out of the blue a little bit ago, and I kind of just want to go home and cry. But work is sucky, and I can't seem to get anything done, and I need to be out of town Friday through Monday. It's just all hitting at the wrong time of the month for me. Unless there is another cancellation, I won't see the RE until April 15, and that seems so far away, and then who knows how long it will be until I get going with treatements. Part of me just feels like giving up to be honest. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Loves Vintage]

I am doing ok today, surface-level. I am pretty stressed about a number of things at the moment, and I think this fertility stuff is at the root of all of it! It just makes regularly stressful things seem so much worse. CD1 started today, finally. CD3 testing on Saturday. Then, BCPs start. I do not feel the gripping sadness though, I assume because I didn't think this cycle would work and already have cycle plans ahead.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. I completely understand how you feel about waiting for the RE apptmt. Hopefully, with what you have done already in terms of testing, they will have enough to get you started next cycle. Are your records already over there? That will definitely help for your first meeting. I would probably call to check in again just to make sure they know you want any cancelled appointment. I hope your weekend plans provide a positive distraction.

 

[monkeyprincess]

LV, sorry to hear about CD1, but I'm glad to hear that you are not feeling too sad. And at least this means you are officially going to be doing the prep for IVF. For some reason it is much easier for me to remain more positive about other people's situations, and in your case, I wholeheartedly believe that you will be successful very soon, but the waiting isn't easy. I agree the infertility stuff just makes me feel other stressors more accutely, and I keep falling into the trap of thinking that nothing in my life is going right. Even though, when I sit back and assess my situation, other than this fertility thing, I have it pretty darn good and am very lucky.

Great minds think alike. I already called over to the RE's office this morning and played dumb making sure my name was in fact still on the cancellation list. She said it was but warned me there haven't been many cancellations lately, but I've gotten two calls in the past month, so I do know it's possible there will be more. And hopefully, it somehow brings my name back in the forefront. If not, I guess I will just have to make the best of the break. I will probably call over to the NP once I get AF to let her know the cycle was unsuccessful and see if there is any follow-up I need to do. Oh, and the nice thing about my records is that the NP, my OB/GYN and the RE are all at the same facility and on the same system, so I assume they will be able to see everything that I have done thus far.

 

[aviastar]

Excellent news, Bright! Now we can all follow you over on the JBP thread, right? Slightly different context, but...I hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave this thread!

LV, thanks for checking in. I did get a call from the office; no further intervention at this point, just OPKs, call in when I get a positive and we will do another ultrasound then to re check lining. My appointment with the surgeon is on March 10, so not too far off. I obviously have less than stellar hope about this cycle though; mostly feeling like I need to just check the 'two failed clomid cycles' box so I can move on to the next step.

I'm sorry to hear about CD1 for you, but actually, it's the start of IVF, which I think has a great chance of success for you, so that's really exciting!

I have some of the same concerns about IVF, MP, but mostly I wonder about all that money with no certain outcome. We could probably only afford one go after some significant saving. I can't help but feeling that if put that money into adoption instead we would at least have some sort of certainty that there would be a child eventually. DH feels we should exhaust our options for a biological child first; it's something we are going to have to really think about and discuss and he's not ready to even start that convo yet. I guess he still has a little more hope than I do at this moment. I guess I'm not really being fair to myself though, I do have hope that the lap may be the key for us and that would just be so wonderful I can't even begin to fathom it.

I know what you mean about not being able to shut off the tracking, mentally. I am an all or nothing kinda girl, emotionally, so I do think I could shut it down if I put my mind to it. But only if I have something else to pour the energy into. That's why, in my head, that moment will be when we initiate adoption paperwork. Just change tracks entirely. I'm already doing some research about cost, cause I just don't want to wait very long. I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed and I feel that I have been given a confirmation of my motherhood. If my babies are not to come from my own womb, then I will have to mourn that, but I have zero qualms about bringing them home from someone else's womb and I don't see any reason to delay what is already a long process.

Like everyone here, I know I have it really good in my life. I am truly grateful for that. And I do think I am handling things ok on the surface. There is an underlying stress, though. I get stress related eczema on my hands and haven't had an outbreak in years, but I have it now, so my body is responding to the emotional roller coaster. I can't tell you how glad I am I have you all to come and talk to! It's just too sad and foreign for anybody who hasn't struggled with it, they don't know what to say and I feel like I sound whiny and bitter. What a blessing this group has been!

 

[monkeyprincess]

Aviastar, I completely understand. As if the emotional and physical aspects of infertility weren't bad enough, it is so outrageously expensive to have to pay for fertility treatments when your insurance doesn't cover it. I'm really hopeful for you that your potential endo treatment will also solve your infertility. But I think that's wonderful what you said about adoption. I really do believe that for most who desire to have a child, it will happen some way, somehow. You're going to be a wonderful mom when it does. I can just tell. Hang in there, and feel free to vent away. I obviously do!

A friend of mine from law school had mentioned to me back when I was pregnant with Ev (summer of 2012) that she had been trying for awhile with no luck. We weren't/aren't that close of friends, but I felt compelled to tell her that it had also taken us awhile to conceive, but at the time, I didn't go into much detail. Fast forward to today, and I saw a post on her FB page that led me to believe she was pregnant, and then I saw confirmation on her husband's page. So I emailed her to congratulate her and mentioned that we were once again having difficulty and that I was encouraged to see she was finally expecting. She just emailed me back and said that she underwent three IVF procedures and had three pregnancies, but this is the only one that stuck. That makes me all the more happy for her, and I'm really glad I reached out to her. If we ever were to consider IVF (which I still think is unlikely), at least I know I have a local resource.

 

[dani13]

Such great news Bright!!! I'm so thrilled for you!
Good luck with your move too!! ps- this weather stinks!!

 

[brightlight]

Just a quick post to let you all know that I'm thinking of you. I know we're all really grateful for the blessings in our lives, but dealing with infertility REALLY sucks! This is a major thing we're dealing with, and I think it's great that we can come here to vent and talk about our sadness and struggles.

I don't know if any of you are watching the Olympics, but I saw a piece last night on a skeleton racer who miscarried at 18 weeks. Listening to her speak about her feelings really touched me, because I still feel the exact same way. She ended up winning the silver today.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone, and yay for BrightSpot and her little Spot! I'm so happy this pregnancy is progressing nicely. Also, I'm glad you decided to move.

 

[Dandi]

Yay BrightSpot and MiniSpot!!! So so happy for you!!

 

[royalasscherlover]

brightlight, MP, avia, and LV, hugs to you all. I can also relate to so much of what you've said this week about underlying stress, disappointment, and the overshadowing of all the other wonderful things in our lives. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we all have success relatively soon and can get back to a happier place.

brightspot, i'm so thrilled that your little bean is continuing to progress well! it's nice that there are happy endings here.

12 DPO for me and not much to report. I haven't tested yet - woke up thinking about it this morning and decided not to so as not to ruin my Sunday with bad news. I'll probably hold off until Tuesday since I'm not expecting success this cycle given my poor lining.

 

[royalasscherlover]

I kept thinking about it, so I went ahead and tested this morning. BFN, which is not surprising but still disappointing. I really thought I would get pregnant once we had the ovulation thing sorted out, but apparently I have bigger problems.

 

[royalasscherlover]

One more question for Brightspot - did you take royal jelly while you were on injectibles?

 

[BrightSpot]

SB, yes I took royal jelly for probably the past 6-9 months (including injectable cycles.)
I think, technically you're only supposed to take it during the follicular phase in case your baby would possibly be allergic to bees but I just stopped the day I got my bfp (I took it continuously during the previous cycles.)
So sorry for the bfn. Hugs.

And thanks to everyone else for your sweet posts. Things are crazy here (we're moving today plus dh & I are both sick) but I'll come back for a proper catch up when things settle down a bit. I think of you guys all the time & am hoping & praying for a much deserved & long awaited baby for each & every one of you.

 

[mayerling]

Congratulations, Bright!!!

I check this thread every so often because I of you and I'm so happy to learn that you're expecting!

 

[aviastar]

Ok, girls- new week, new attitude! At least, that's the goal!

I had some good and bad news yesterday. First, I talked to the office manager at the NP's office and it's official- my insurance is not even putting all these ultrasounds and blood draws towards my deductible because they are coded 'infertility'. So out of pocket and no closer to having insurance kick in for anything. Which does put a damper on what may or may not be possible for us in the future, financially. Also, excellent to find out now and I am so glad that I booked the appointment next month with the OB, not the RE, and that I request Endo Evaluation, not TTC. Honestly, I don't even know why we bother with insurance if they are just going to wiggle out of helping with everything.

But the good news was totally unexpected; my lining is awesome! I got a positive OPK on Sunday, so went in for the ultrasound yesterday fully expecting that the lining had not increased significantly since it had been less than a week since the last ultrasound. But it did increase to 12mm and I popped two eggs. The tech said they had double checked with the RE and he likes anything above 8mm; my lining last month was 10mm, so that is great news!

Now the TWW begins...we had a brief conversation last night about next month. I have the appointment already on the books; the clomid has successfully accomplished what it is intended to do for two months- nice strong ovulations. I still don't feel like I need to try 100mg of clomid, but should I give it the last third try at 50mg? It's about $450 out of pocket for me to do a monitored clomid cycle- prescription, two ultrasounds and bloodwork. Do I have to cancel my appointment with the OB if I am taking clomid? Obviously we would hold off on scheduling any procedures, but is there any reason taking the clomid would affect an intro/evaluation appointment? DH wants to do both; I'm undecided.

MP- any more cancellations from the RE's office? You've had two calls already, I bet you get another one!

SB- I'm so sorry about the BFN. It just sucks. Have you talked to your doc or with your DH about what you'd like to do next?

BrightLight- thank you for the solidarity- it means so much!

LV- do you have a good schedule for the IVF yet?

 

[monkeyprincess]

Aviastar, that's great news about the lining and follicles. I'll be crossing everything I have for you! And yes, big bummer on the insurance. I have the same situation with our insurance. Since none of the infertility-related stuff is covered at all, it does not count toward the deductible. I have sort of purposely avoiding calculating everything we've spent in our quest for a family. So unfair that infertility is treated so differently from other medical problems.

SB, so very sorry to hear about your BFN. Even when you know a cycle is not ideal, there is no getting around the sting when you find out you have had another failed cycle. I feel like a broken record and wish I had more to offer, but all I can think of to say is that I understand what you are going through and I'll be thinking about you and hoping you get good news soon.

Brightspot, completely understandable that you don't have time to post much these days, but just know I am continuing to send you my good thoughts, and I hope you'll keep us updated on how you're doing even though the time has finally come for you to move on and focus on the new little one that you are growing!

Brightlight, hope all is well with you, or rather, as good as can be expected.

LV, thinking about you and I hope you are well on your way to getting the IVF protocol started.

AFM, today is CD1. I have heard about several babies that will be arriving this summer and fall in the past few days, and it's been really hard on me. Almost everyone I know (on here and in IRL) who was pregnant around the same time as me last time has either had a baby or will in the coming months. I just feel like I'm getting left behind again just like when we were TTC#1, and I hate being so bitter. I've had about six treatment cycles in a row, and although that is stressful, at least I felt like I had a fighting chance. This time around, I guess we'll try on our own, but I know nothing is going to happen. Hoping that this month of no treatment at least turns out to be a nice month for our little family and at least I won't have the huge letdown at the end of the cycle, and I won't feel a need to waste any pregnancy tests unless I'm late. How's that for an attempt at finding a silver lining?

 

[random_thought]

Hey girls, I'm just hopping over here for awhile since things are moving pretty fast in ttc and i have a feeling i still have a bit longer to hold out. I have a phone consult on friday with my new RE so I hope she has some better ideas than my last one. Anyways, AF just ended today so getting ready to hit the sheets

Edited to add:
Congrats to bright! I just finished catching up on everything and congrats dear!!

Also, I saw you post a question a while back asking if anyone had bled through while on progesterone? I know it's not really applicable to you now but in case anyone else is searching for an answer on it sometime, I somehow managed to get my period every month I was on progesterone. And it turned out my body's progesterone was even normal so I had twice the amount and AF still managed to smuggle her way through It's also possible that my body is just more screwed up than everyone else's and that's why it happened that way lol

 

[split_shank]

Just checking in quickly to report CD2. Timing for triggering this month is less than ideal with both myself and DH being in different towns (or bedrooms) for about 4 key days. We are going to try to manipulate it just a tad by starting Femera a day earlier than last month, scanning and hoping for good egg(s) on day 12 and triggering after. We may try a IUI just for convenience and time's sake since we will be in the same city for meetings for a few hours but nowhere near a BD location! Call me old but I'm not feeling the parking lot BD like when we were younger . For those that have iui'd, do you do EXACTLY 36 hrs after trigger or what is an ideal window/ leeway?

 

[aviastar]

Awww, c'mon, SplitShank...you don't want to duck into a random bathroom and lock the door?!?

Where's your sense of adventure?

P.s. My DH says just rent a Cadillac for the day, plenty of room!

 

[split_shank]

Omg the germophobe in me in a bathroom would be all like "don't touch that! Don't put your hand there! Oh you did not just put your hand THERE after touching that!" I guess I do have a large vehicle with a 3rd row bench seat....

 

[Loves Vintage]

SB - Sorry to hear of your BFN. Do you have a plan for the next cycle?

Aviastar - Yay on your lining increase! That's great news! As far as what to do next, can you call the ob/gyn, explain your situation and see if they have any objections to your taking clomid prior to your appointment? Also, would you feel comfortable with and/or would your MW be ok with, taking clomid only and not monitoring, since you already have an idea re: how you respond. Some offices will not prescribe clomid only, without monitoring, but my impression is that many ob/gyns do this. Hopefully, you get your bfp and don't need to worry about any of this!!

Brightlight - Keep us posted.

MP - I know it's hard, but try not to compare yourself to others. We are all on our own journeys in life. Sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to or on the timeline that we expect, but they will work out when they are supposed to. I know you've mentioned before that it's hard to know that things will work out for yourself the same way that you know things will work out for everyone else. I feel very much the same way, though I am starting to feel a bit more hope for myself! I am not sure how, but I am. I don't even necessarily think that IVF will work for me, but maybe it will, or maybe we will get pregnant on our own one day. Everything will be ok. Remind yourself of that.

RT - Good luck with your new RE.

AFM, We met with the RE on Monday, and we have the protocol. Meds are in process. I will probably not post a lot of the details on here, but we are still looking at retrieval at the end of March.