The issue

[blacksand]

I'm glad your sister's issues are not as bad as we previously thought. Still, I know how crushing debt can feel, even if it doesn't mean you're starving and living on the street. I live a fairly comfortable lifestyle, but I'm unable to finish my (three quarters done) MA now because the economy hit me hard and now I have debts to pay off. It will probably be two years at least before I can go back to school. I probably will not be able to afford the ring or the wedding I dreamed of as a little girl. I'm not starving, and I know I have a lot of good things in life. I'm getting my debts paid off, and between myself and the boyfriend, we're able to scrimp and save a little and we're even taking our first vacation in a long time this year. So nobody's dying. But it still kills me that I can't quit my job and go back to school. Financial problems are relative. I'm glad she's not suffering too much, but I still think she must be hurting a lot.

Regardless, I guess I still just don't think it's worth losing a sister over. I like monarch's advice. Just don't feed it. Don't let it get to you, don't respond to it, and she'll stop. She doesn't sound like a horrible person from what you've said. Maybe a little immature, but not a "toxic" person that you need to cut out of your life (as you described doing with several others in recent years). Especially since she sounded so genuinely happy for you when you first told her about your engagement. I really think she'll get over it. But if you tell her she's out of the wedding and/or out of your life, she will definitely never get over that.

 

[luvshinyrocks]

I'd just like to make one thing clear: they are not struggling to pay for mortgage or to put clothes on my nephews. Its not THAT bad. I hope I didn't make it sound like they were starving for food and almost living on the streets. They're not.

I didn't think it sounded like they were on the street from your previous posts. Not that I know you, but you don't seem like you would let THAT happen. If she was not able to pay for essentials, etc., I could almost understand her being upset about a five-figure engagement ring. If my family was at the door of the poorhouse that money would go to them, not to jewelry - and I'm sure most people here would do the same.

Being plain jealous that you have nicer things than she does is understandable, but it's her responsibility to learn to control her reactions better. You didn't do anything to deserve the pain she's causing you. Unfortunately, she probably won't learn self-control overnight. It's good that your mom is talking to her, and hopefully she'll make some progress.

 

[kagordo4]

I wish there were some inspiring words I could say (or type, rather). I’m coming up empty handed. : ( I am really sorry that this is messing with your post-proposal euphoria.
I really wish you the absolute best and I’m sure your sister does as well. Maybe she just needs some time to adjust to this new and very obvious sign of financial difference? There’s a big difference between knowing how “well off” someone is and physically “seeing it.” Does that make sense? I don’t know if it does.. hmmph.
Just try to be happy : ) You deserve happiness and celebration! Just give it some time and reevaluate a month (or a few weeks) down the line.

 

[Maisie]

I think you can't win no matter what you do. If you hadn't helped out she would have been annoyed. You did help out, she was still annoyed.

After reading that they aren't living on the breadline and the debt was over a car I really don't like the way she is treating you. She should be happy for you. Your SO is obviously good with money and you won't have to worry about things. I would be happy for my sister to be with someone so responsible.

Go ahead and enjoy your wedding. Let her stew in her jealousy!

 

[Autumnovember]

BIL called me and told me that my sister has been really really upset the last few days. He said that she has told him that the way she behaved was completely wrong and she feels awful. He told me she has been on the verge of tears every day since it happened and that she's trying to get the courage to call me to talk to me...

 

[slg47]

oh well at least she feels bad about the way she reacted! I hope you two can work everything out!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I am glad she is coming around.

I will say that if their finances are not that bad, surely no worse than most, you should definitely stay out of their money from this point forward.

 

[Autumnovember]

I am glad she is coming around.

I will say that if their finances are not that bad, surely no worse than most, you should definitely stay out of their money from this point forward.

Definitely going to. They are adults and they'll figure it out. If it ever gets that bad, she knows our families are around to lend some support