Tell me about your wonderful relationships!

[elrohwen]

Hi Porridge! I''ve been with DH for 3.5 years and we''ve been married for a little over a month. I suppose I''m still in the "honeymoon stage", but I thought I''d share my answers.

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
DH is absolutely awesome. We get along so well together and he also has a million good qualities. Since I''ve been out of work for a few months I really understand now what it means to be taken care of by your spouse. I''m so lucky to have him supporting me and helping me find a new job, but also going out and making money to support us.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that?
No, we don''t fight actually. Sure we disagree sometimes, and occasionally one of us will get a little annoyed at something the other is doing, but we just talk about it and it''s over. We never do the shouting/crying fights and we never say mean things. We''re both pretty laid back, so we just talk things out calmly.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
We love hanging out. I love my best friends, but I honestly couldn''t live with them and spend all of my free time with them. However, I can easily live with DH and spend every free moment hanging out with him. So I think that says a lot!

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?
It definitely does. It makes me feel very safe I think. I feel like someone''s there to catch me if I stumble, so I''m less anxious about things. It''s nice to have something in my life that''s so secure.

 

[Shoopy]

My fiance and I are climbing out of what was a very sad phase in our relationship. Being unexpected parents had left us lost and confused when it comes to our relationship. We didn't know how to balance being mom and dad while making time to be "husband and wife" (not technically but you KWIM). We've spent the past four months walking on egg shells around each other.
But through the fog there are these moments. These very quiet moments in the middle of the night when he'll grab my hand and bring it up to his chest before falling back asleep. And I get that very familiar, very wonderful feeling that I have felt for the past 8 years with him. Our relationship isn't perfect and I think we can argue back and forth all day long whether or not a non-perfect relationship is even worth it. But there is something so special about us that makes me confident we'll survive this and be even stronger. I guess that's what makes me feel that my relationship is wonderful.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 10/29/2009 3:39:22 PM
Author: princesss

It''s funny, because we''ll jokingly call each other names or say things that could be construed as horribly mean, but it''s our sense of humour and it''s always teasing. People think that because I call him ''jacka**'' sometimes, we must seriously name call in fights, but it''s the reverse. If we used name-calling in fights, the funny, silly name calling would have a grain of truth to it that would really hurt. (One of my friends heard us fight one time, and said later, ''That was a fight? Jeez. That was really...healthy.'')

Haha, we call each other names constantly! But we never ever call names during fights. People look at us weird when we use mean names, but it''s all in good fun

It must be a younger generation thing, because my mom got really annoyed at how we "mock-fight" a lot. SIL and her BF were doing the same thing and I think my mom''s head was going to explode

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 10/30/2009 10:11:06 AM
Author: fiery
My fiance and I are climbing out of what was a very sad phase in our relationship. Being unexpected parents had left us lost and confused when it comes to our relationship. We didn''t know how to balance being mom and dad while making time to be ''husband and wife'' (not technically but you KWIM). We''ve spent the past four months walking on egg shells around each other.
But through the fog there are these moments. These very quiet moments in the middle of the night when he''ll grab my hand and bring it up to his chest before falling back asleep. And I get that very familiar, very wonderful feeling that I have felt for the past 8 years with him. Our relationship isn''t perfect and I think we can argue back and forth all day long whether or not a non-perfect relationship is even worth it. But there is something so special about us that makes me confident we''ll survive this and be even stronger. I guess that''s what makes me feel that my relationship is wonderful.

Fiery, this made me tear up a little.

I think anybody who''s been in a relationship for a long time can relate to this feeling--sometimes when you''re in a low of a relationship that "spark" can feel really buried, but in moments you still feel it. I think what you are going through right now must be very challenging, but those moments you''re talking about...those are what will get you through.

Not to threadjack--I''ve just been enjoying reading everybody''s response.

I adore my husband. And respect him a great deal. That being said, we''ve been together since we were teenagers and had some very immature fights in our first several years. We sometimes laugh about how those were our "passionate" years, though we are much more content in our more recent (boring) years.

 

[Bia]

Date: 10/30/2009 10:55:12 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 10/30/2009 10:11:06 AM
Author: fiery
My fiance and I are climbing out of what was a very sad phase in our relationship. Being unexpected parents had left us lost and confused when it comes to our relationship. We didn''t know how to balance being mom and dad while making time to be ''husband and wife'' (not technically but you KWIM). We''ve spent the past four months walking on egg shells around each other.
But through the fog there are these moments. These very quiet moments in the middle of the night when he''ll grab my hand and bring it up to his chest before falling back asleep. And I get that very familiar, very wonderful feeling that I have felt for the past 8 years with him. Our relationship isn''t perfect and I think we can argue back and forth all day long whether or not a non-perfect relationship is even worth it. But there is something so special about us that makes me confident we''ll survive this and be even stronger. I guess that''s what makes me feel that my relationship is wonderful.

Fiery, this made me tear up a little.

I think anybody who''s been in a relationship for a long time can relate to this feeling--sometimes when you''re in a low of a relationship that ''spark'' can feel really buried, but in moments you still feel it. I think what you are going through right now must be very challenging, but those moments you''re talking about...those are what will get you through.

Not to threadjack--I''ve just been enjoying reading everybody''s response.

I adore my husband. And respect him a great deal. That being said, we''ve been together since we were teenagers and had some very immature fights in our first several years. We sometimes laugh about how those were our ''passionate'' years, though we are much more content in our more recent (boring) years.

''Boring'' is the word of the day in my relationship right now and it''s causing a lot of confusion and stress (and sadness). But fiery (and NEL - really everyone) your post struck a few chords here too. I hope it continues to get better for you.

Porridge, keep going strong, you''re doing beautifully so far.

 

[Porridge]

Everyone thank you SO MUCH for sharing all these details about your relationships. I realise now that another reason I asked was because I did have those moments of wondering if I''m expecting too much. I am so thrilled to see that I am not. After reading your responses, I see so much of what I want from a relationship. I know it will be tough sometimes, I know nobody is perfect and I very much know that my happiness depends on me and not somebody else. But I also know that I would rather be single than be in the wrong relationship, and that the level of fighting and unease in my previous relationship was not a normal or good thing.

So thank you all again. This has been a confusing time, but I can feel it getting better by the day, and you all are helping more than I can say.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:26:42 PM
Author:Porridge
I recently broke up with my FI and am just feeling a little jaded and confused about relationships I suppose. I know the relationship wasn''t right and I that did the right thing, but what would really cheer me up, if you don''t mind, would be to hear all about your wonderful relationships and your fantastic SO''s, to reassure me about my decision and give me something to look forward to in the years to come

So, what I want to know is:
1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

These maybe kind of odd questions

...I think they are the things I was unsure of in my own relationship. TIA

I''m sorry to hear about your break-up. Times like this can be tough. Here''s my 2 cents on your questions...

1) I don''t see this as completely black and white. DH has one or two flaws in particular that I really wish he didn''t have, so I wouldn''t say he''s "the greatest man alive" or whatever. But I''ve learned to accept these flaws because his qualities far outweigh them. He makes me very happy.

2) We fight, but not very often. We''ve had one or two "full out fights" complete with crying and walking out (in the 6 years we''ve been together), but usually it''s more like we get annoyed at each other. We don''t say anything mean, we sort of just get grumpy at each other.

3) Absolutely. I enjoy having so "me" time as well, but yes.

4) Again, absolutely. Even now with my 24lbs preggo belly and all the discomfort that goes with it, he makes me feel like the most precious, sexiest, most amazing woman in the world.

 

[trillionaire]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

My FI is the best! He''s my best friend, and we just feel ''at peace'' when we are together. We don''t even have to talk or do anything, we just like to share the same space We''re very touchy and affectionate, and I love exploring the world around me with him. We also encourage each other to pursue our own interests... so we don''t smother, but we do support each other We rarely fight, and most of our problems have been over distance, who is moving where, and my indecisiveness about grad school (to finish or not to finish?). Other than that, easy peasy!
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

Um yeah, we rarely fight. We never yell, never curse at each other in anger. I get emotional and cry sometimes, but it''s silent tears because I am frustrated. (I cry easily... at movies, songs, tv shows, etc, lol!)
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

Yes and Yes! After 6+ years together, we rarely tire of each other! If I go do things without FI, he''s often sad that he missed out. He loves for me to help him do projects and watch him on his sports teams too. I enjoy volunteering together, and trying new things. We''ve been hanging out for 8 years now!

I figured it would have gotten old by now, but nope!

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

Yes, aside from a little LIW madness. (glad that''s over!) I''ve put on quite a bit of weight over the years (40lbs!

) And FI has been nothing but lving and supportive. If I want to exercise, he encourages it. If I want to improve how I''m eating, he does that too. He really spport my dreams and aspirations, and makes me feel loved unconditionally. He also knows how and when to push me, when I need it.

That said, nothing is PERFECT, every relationship has it''s ups and downs, but honestly, our relatioship has been so easy and natural that I can''t even fathom the things I hear from other people about their relationships. FI calls us soulmates, though I don''t agree with the concept, but I really do know 100% that I could never find another relationship like the one I have, and I feel very happy and blessed, and it shows to our friends and family, who love us as a couple, too.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 10/30/2009 3:09:32 PM
Author: Porridge
Everyone thank you SO MUCH for sharing all these details about your relationships. I realise now that another reason I asked was because I did have those moments of wondering if I''m expecting too much. I am so thrilled to see that I am not. After reading your responses, I see so much of what I want from a relationship. I know it will be tough sometimes, I know nobody is perfect and I very much know that my happiness depends on me and not somebody else. But I also know that I would rather be single than be in the wrong relationship, and that the level of fighting and unease in my previous relationship was not a normal or good thing.

So thank you all again. This has been a confusing time, but I can feel it getting better by the day, and you all are helping more than I can say.

I''m really glad that you posted this - as I was typing my post earlier I wondered if it was going to make you feel worse rather than better. It''s good to hear that things are getting better for you. I''ve had an engagement break up too (we were waaaaay too young) and as glad I am that things all went the way they did, I do remember how painful it was at the time.

Hugs to you.

Jen

 

[kas baby]

Date: 10/30/2009 3:09:32 PM
Author: Porridge
Everyone thank you SO MUCH for sharing all these details about your relationships. I realise now that another reason I asked was because I did have those moments of wondering if I''m expecting too much. I am so thrilled to see that I am not. After reading your responses, I see so much of what I want from a relationship. I know it will be tough sometimes, I know nobody is perfect and I very much know that my happiness depends on me and not somebody else. But I also know that I would rather be single than be in the wrong relationship, and that the level of fighting and unease in my previous relationship was not a normal or good thing.

So thank you all again. This has been a confusing time, but I can feel it getting better by the day, and you all are helping more than I can say.

Triple Kudos to you on that!!! My parents got married because my dad thought he was proving something and was a very jealous/posessive type, and my mom had no where else to go.

When FI and I started dating and I had my relationship concerns, as in, my relationship seemed better than my parents, I think it really hit my mom hard. FI and I went through some crazy ups and downs, but we both really worked hard to figure out the right way to communicate to each other. That was something she had never seen before. I think by that point, my mom had had it. I''m the oldest of three girls, and have also been very driven and mature about what I want in my life. She wasn''t so sure about my sisters yet because they were so much younger than me. She was terrified that they would find a guy who would treat them like crap/didn''t exist at all except as a ''trophy''/push them around/say mean things/etc, or that they would just be with the first guy who came around b/c they didn''t know any better. My dad was an emotional barren wasteland. The man was a paycheck, but kept finances tight- (my mom quickly becausee the coupon clipping queen with his ''allowance'') He didn''t support her- or us for that matter- in the ways of love and encouragement at all. So she filed for divorce. She said she would rather show us no relationship than a bad one. She didn''t want us thinking that it was acceptable behavior. It took her about twenty one years to figure out that he wasn''t right for her when the red flags were going up when they first started going out (I know because I was unpacking boxes and found some rather interesting reading material

)

So I guess what I''m trying to say is, even though I don''t ''know'' you, I''m proud of you. You made a very mature decision and I feel like this will allow you to grow so much from this whole experience.

Funny too, that my mom (of all people) should post this link on her FB page... I saw it and thought of this thread...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEtlAfFkr9g

 

[Allison D.]

Porridge, your standards aren''t too high at all. I know it can be hard to see it from the vantage point you''re at now, but believe me when I assure you....you''ll look back at this pivotal moment one day in the future and be grateful that you followed your instincts.

1. I''ve been with Rich for 7 years; married for 5, and yes, I still think he is better than sliced bread. That doesn''t mean I think he''s perfect; he''s far from it, and I''m far from it too. But he is perfect for me.

2. I don''t think we''ve actually fought more than a few times; it''s very occasional for us to even argue or bicker. We were friends before we became a couple, so we knew how to get along well. However, when we do squabble, there is no name-calling or hurtful jabs. I think the fact that we really do genuinely respect each other keeps us out of that territory naturally.

The funny thing is that the longer we''re together, the more infrequently we get heated with each other. Things that might have been seeds for an argument in the early days now just cause us to laugh at each other and seem to diffuse without even hitting the disagreement stage. We both agreed from the very beginning to talk out problems (even when the conversations are uncomfortable) instead of avoiding it and letting that avoidance build resentments. We also both understand the power of owning our mistakes and sincerely apologizing to the other when it''s due.

3. Yes, we really do enjoy being together; he''s the only person I can be with day in and day out and feel very content being with. Again, we get along *very* well having been friends first. That said, we both value our independence, too, and each pursue several individual hobbies as well as shared hobbies. We are very conscious of not begrudging the other what s/he needs to be happy. Usually that''s a good balance of individual time and together time.

4. Yes, my relationship makes me feel better about myself than I ever have. Rich knows me better than anyone else ever has, and he accepts me for who I am without apology. The things that other people might consider flaws tend to be the qualities he most admires about me. He doesn''t want perfection; he just wants me.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 10/30/2009 6:27:13 PM
Author: Allison D.
Porridge, your standards aren't too high at all. I know it can be hard to see it from the vantage point you're at now, but believe me when I assure you....you'll look back at this pivotal moment one day in the future and be grateful that you followed your instincts.

1. I've been with Rich for 7 years; married for 5, and yes, I still think he is better than sliced bread. That doesn't mean I think he's perfect; he's far from it, and I'm far from it too. But he is perfect for me.

That is EXACTLY how I feel about my hubby.

We have been together 13 years and married 10 years and I feel he is perfect for me and vice versa. hehe
Oh I do have to add that I love being w/my husband; he is actually the only person that does not drive me nuts being around him 24/7. I do like my alone time too and so does he but he is the only person I don't want to clobber after a few days.

I know I am being silly but honestly I feel that there is someone for everyone.

These have been fun to read.

 

[Mara]

porridge, good for you on rather be single than with the wrong person. that takes a lot of courage and i doubt you will be disappointed in the long run.

bia... re feeling a little 'bored'... for us there have been some what i like to call 'lull' times where it feels like we are doing the same thing. same work, same weekends, same friends, same restaurants, same life, etc. and sometimes we'd think 'gee is this it?' it isn't like things were bad by any means, they were just kind of sleepy. then we have these kind of crazy years where we buy a house or have a baby (or both in the same year). to me those ups and downs of life are just normal, and it is telling how a couple weathers both periods. stress can bring out the worst in people, but so can boredom as well when they start thinking 'grass is greener' or that is not show it should be. i figure just try the hardest to appreciate what we have regardless of the time because before you know it, life will be tossing crazy stuff at you and you might look fondly on a comforting lull period.

and totally agree with the other ladies who said that the little things are so important, aka fiery's fiance taking her hand at night. for us it is like that too...and those are just as important if not moreso than the grand gestures. just knowing you are loved.

 

[trillionaire]

I finally got around to reading this thread, and what a LOVELY thread!

It''s so sweet! I wonder how FI would answer?

Man, I feel so lovey dovey now! (ok, it''s probably the wine...)




Anyway, sorry for the hellacious typos in my last post!

 

[Regular Guy]

Date: 10/30/2009 3:09:32 PM
Author: Porridge
Everyone thank you SO MUCH for sharing all these details about your relationships. I realise now that another reason I asked was because I did have those moments of wondering if I''m expecting too much. I am so thrilled to see that I am not. After reading your responses, I see so much of what I want from a relationship. I know it will be tough sometimes, I know nobody is perfect and I very much know that my happiness depends on me and not somebody else. But I also know that I would rather be single than be in the wrong relationship, and that the level of fighting and unease in my previous relationship was not a normal or good thing.

Porridge,

I supported you in your previous thread, and it does sound like you have your head on straight. Still, I''ll give you modest warning about being careful to not apply too many filters on deciding how things should be, going forward. It''s possible there''s no other way...but generally...I think you can tell how you are with a person by a degree of trial & error...after some sensible selection up front. Personally, I was slow to be in a more serious relationship, didn''t have many, and didn''t marry until I was 33. But...that was 20 years ago now...and with the benefit of Monday morning quarterbacking, I can say things worked out well.

To your original questions:

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

Pretty much, yes...my wife Betty is really the best. I am enormously lucky.


2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

Little spats are not infrequent. Only a small number of more difficult communications...probably can count on one hand. No special guiding idea I can think of to find a way out...except for our common desire for this to be the case.


3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

Yes, I do enjoy being with my wife. Also, I do enjoy time by myself. But, I enjoy the balance, and miss her when we''re apart. I think my wife over the years may get my jokes more. I think she appreciates when I have jokes with our children. Life is good.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

Because my wife is my friend, and sometimes, when life is coming at you, it is almost difficult to experience where there is friendship around you that is genuine, when things are challenging...yes...in a very practical way, my wife is my partner, friend, and does make me feel better, yes. I don''t ordinarily depend on her for this...I am a pretty good friend to myself, routinely...but there are not so infrequent times that I need the counsel of others, and I can frequently count on Betty to give me balanced advice, coming from a supportive place, that is also genuine.

I hope you are so lucky. It''s worth the effort to become so lucky.

Very best of wishes,

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m sorry you''re going through such a difficult time, Porridge.

In answer to your questions:

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

*** I love my husband very much and I know he''s the right person for me. We''ve been together for 6 years, and while it''s not always easy, I can''t imagine being without him.


2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

*** We have spats and squabbles like everyone else. We''re both very stubborn people, and that can get in the way of letting things go at times. It IS hard to learn to fight fair, and we can''t claim that we''ve been successful of this 100% of the time. Bottom line though is that we love each other and we''d do anything for one another.


3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

*** Yes! We try to be independent of each other and do our own things at times, but we also love spending time together -- even if it''s just hanging around the house.


4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

*** Yes! I know without a doubt that my husband loves me. He''s a very caring and thoughtful person in general, and I love that about him. He always tells me that he loves me, and he''s a very romantic person. Much more so than me, actually.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Hi Porridge!

I have been married for 30 years in july 2010. We married at 20 after dating for 1 1/2 years. We went to the same small christian high school and knew each other but never had the same friends.
As to your questions, I think my husband is the best person I have ever met in every way. No he is not perfect, but he has so much integrity and honesty and is so committed to me through everything.
I know if push came to shove he would chose me over anything else. He puts my needs first and I do the same for him.

We fought more in the early years of our marriage. Little spats over housework. We''ve had some big ones a time or two. Mostly, I would say they were my issues more than his. But we have worked them
out for the most part. We have been through some really hard things together and I think it has made us a ''team''. Some people trauma separates, for us it made us closer. I have struggled a bit at
marriage because if I feel hurt I really want to run. I kind of shut down. I had a very troubled relationship with my father and that is how I handled it. I have had to work through that myself and learn
not to do it with my DH.

I love hanging out with my husband. He is my best friend. But also he is gone for 24 hours minimum at a time. I worry a little about retirement because this is all I have known for most of our marriage.
We will be together 24/7! We have had built in breaks! It will be an adjustment, but one I will look forward too. I hope we will be able to do fun stuff together. That has always been the plan.

He has made me a better person. He has taken hurts in my life and healed them. He is truly God''s best gift to me.

 

[MagsyMay]

I just wanted to say this thread is really uplifting! FI and I have a close friend who is on the verge of ending an engagement (and hopefully will, because the girl is absolutely awful for him), and he really can''t understand that relationships can be better and more fulfilling than the awful one he has. I''m going to send a few excerpts from this to him and hope he can realize that there really is SOOO much more to look forward to in a relationship and spouse and that he deserves that happiness that so many of you have found!

Porridge: I commend you on being strong enough to demand more for yourself. You will find it, I know you will.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:26:42 PM
Author:Porridge
I recently broke up with my FI and am just feeling a little jaded and confused about relationships I suppose. I know the relationship wasn''t right and I that did the right thing, but what would really cheer me up, if you don''t mind, would be to hear all about your wonderful relationships and your fantastic SO''s, to reassure me about my decision and give me something to look forward to in the years to come

So, what I want to know is:
1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

These maybe kind of odd questions

...I think they are the things I was unsure of in my own relationship. TIA

First of all, what a great thread idea! I haven''t been on much lately, but I saw this and really wanted to contribute! Good for you for not staying in a relationship that wasn''t right! Now on to answering your questions

1) pretty much, but not always. He has his faults, but so do I. We''ve been together for almost ten years and we still love spending time together. We''ve definitely had our problems, but working through the tough times was totally worth it.

2) not often, but yes, we do fight! We''re not the best fighters, and there are mean things said with spats of shouting and crying for sure. Not that I''m proud of that, but it''s the truth. The fights get ugly, but they''re never over anything too serious, and we both end up apologizing.

3) YES!!! We both love to laugh and have a good time above all else, so we still have a LOT of fun together. Mutual friends help a lot too, along with the occasional nights nights out without each other. Still having our own identities is important to us.

4) Yes! But more importantly, I make me feel good about myself. I learned early on (and with a less cool guy) that I shouldn''t rely on someone else to make me feel good about myself. Being in a great relationship certainly helps, but I don''t think the relationship would BE as good as it is if I tried to rely on him to make me happy. In fact, I think that is exactly what I did with the ex (way back in high school) that made our relationship rocky. It seems the more I love myself, the more he loves me too

I don''t know you, but it seems like you''re doing exactly what you need to do for YOU, which is the most important thing. Keep your head up!

 

[Londongirl1]

Well,...

I've found a a guy ..

who calls me beautiful instead of hot.
who'd call me back if I hang up on him.
who will stay awake just to watch me sleep and kisses
your forehead.
Who wants to show me off to the world when I'm in my sweats.
Who holds my hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding me of how much he cares about me and how lucky he
is to have me.
Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

I copied this from an email I got sent and it's all true in my case. My man isn't perfect but he sure is perfect for me

. I like the fact that my FI never changes his behaviour towards me when we're out in public or with his friends and he always introduces me as his fiance and never says girlfriend

 

[Treasure43]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

I''ll echo what many others have said. I love my FI to bits and bits. He has his flaws but so do I and we''re perfect for each other. We''ve been together for a year and a half and it gets better every day. We''ve faced many challenges in our time together with parents, family, close friends dying, etc. and any problems we''ve had have only made us stronger. My first year of teaching was our first year together and I often came home and cried and was VERY unhappy. He stuck with me through that and was nothing but loving and supportive. Now I''m into my second year of teaching and am much happier and he told me tonight how happy he is that I seem so much happier this year because he hates to see me sad.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

We''ve had our "discussions" but we''ve only had very few fights. One of which was when we were living in ''his'' one bedroom apartment and he was having trouble understanding how I felt like it was ''his'' place. However, once we moved into ''our'' two bedroom he told me that he understood where I was coming from and that he was so glad he initiated us moving! We communicate well with each other and when we do fight we don''t say anythin hurtful and mean (at least not on purpose). We both try to convey where we''re coming from clearly, though emotions can get in the way and I tend to be the one who cries out of frustration and then he gets frustrated because I''m unhappy. However, we NEVER go to bed angry and the things we face only make us stronger.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

I love to be with my FI. We''ve lived together for 16 months now (yes, we moved in together when we had only been dating for 2 months) and we never get bored of each other. We''re silly together, we play Rockband together, we laugh and cuddle and watch movies and go for walks and just LOVE being together. However I have my girls nights, he goes out with friends, he has his hockey games and I love to read. It''s a nice balance

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

Yes! My mother was very emotionally abusive to me as a child (and even now) and I tend to be extremely harsh on myself. FI won''t let me say mean things about myself and if I''m down about something my mother has said, will do whatever it takes to make me smile. Whether it''s drawing me a bubble bath and getting me a glass of wine and my book or lighting candles and putting on the sounds of the ocean while we cuddle. He makes me feel VERY good about myself and I like to think I make him feel good as well. We both have the same qualities of being hard on ourselves sometimes but very loving and forgiving of others.

 

[Little Monster]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
Like many others have replied before... He''s certainly not perfect, but his collection of quirks & ''fault''s fits really well with my own... so he''s my brand of sliced bread : ) I don''t care about any of the other brands!

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
We fight once in a while (more like we disagree, he keeps talking rationally to work things out while I get upset...) We used to fight more, especially when we first moved in together, but we''ve learned how to talk about most things before they escalate. It used to upset me that he kept so calm, no matter how upset I got about something, but now I realize that''s just how he is - it''s not that he doesn''t love me, or doesn''t care, he just is a much calmer/rational person who doesn''t get heated like I do. His approach has helped me a lot & taught me to take it down a notch... Then again, we "fight clean..." even when I''m super upset, there''s no name calling - that''s never ok in our book.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
I love being with him - there are times when its romantic, but a lot of the time it''s grocery shopping together, raking leaves, taking the dog for a walk, or just making dinner together. But regardless of what we''re actually doing, I would much rather have him there by me when I''m doing it. So yes, I just love being together.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?
My BF makes me feel beautiful & loved. He makes me feel confident & lets me be ME.

 

[katamari]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:26:42 PM
Author:Porridge
I recently broke up with my FI and am just feeling a little jaded and confused about relationships I suppose. I know the relationship wasn''t right and I that did the right thing, but what would really cheer me up, if you don''t mind, would be to hear all about your wonderful relationships and your fantastic SO''s, to reassure me about my decision and give me something to look forward to in the years to come

Porridge, I hope if anything this thread helps you feel like you really did the right thing, and I hope that you find a relationship as healthy and wonderful as the ones we are all gushing about!

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

Yes, I really, really do. We have been together for just over 10 years now and I never cease to feel amazed by what a wonderful person he is.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

Very, very rarely. Whenever we do, it is always over something silly. Mainly we fight about chores and competing the mundane tasks neither of us want to do but have to be done. They rarely turn nasty. In the instances that they have, we immediately resolve them, even if it means talking all night and finding the root cause of the frustration. DH is wonderful about never letting me walk away, even though it is my tendency. We have never had a fight we didn''t immediately make-up from, and I at least always feel at peace when they are resolved.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

Yes. He is the only person I could spend every moment with, but one thing I love about our relationship is that we are both highly independent and both are fine with the other doing things alone, with friends, or with each other. We both respect when the other wants to spend time together, make it a top priority, and enjoy it, though.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

This is such a strength of DH and I hope I do the same for him because he deserves it. He does make me feel loved, wonderful, beautiful, needed, appreciated, respected, . . .

 

[Porridge]

Date: 11/1/2009 10:38:04 PM
Author: katamari
Porridge, I hope if anything this thread helps you feel like you really did the right thing, and I hope that you find a relationship as healthy and wonderful as the ones we are all gushing about!

Me too

I am sure I did the right thing, this thread really helps with that. While my relationship (and ex-FI) had many good points, it just wasn't quite enough, and the bad times occurred too often, and were pretty downright awful. Reading these accounts is really helpful, both in giving me peace of mind about my decision and in regaining faith in relationships in general, and looking forward to what will come. (Not that I'm in any big rush at the moment!)