Tell me about your wonderful relationships!

[Porridge]

I recently broke up with my FI and am just feeling a little jaded and confused about relationships I suppose. I know the relationship wasn''t right and I that did the right thing, but what would really cheer me up, if you don''t mind, would be to hear all about your wonderful relationships and your fantastic SO''s, to reassure me about my decision and give me something to look forward to in the years to come

So, what I want to know is:
1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

These maybe kind of odd questions

...I think they are the things I was unsure of in my own relationship. TIA

 

[geckodani]

Hi Porridge! Relationships come in all shapes and sizes - it''s finding the right fit that''s important. I''m a firm believer in the thought that there is more than one person that you can be compatible with. That said, DH and I are a goofball match made in, well, somewhere!

To answer your questions (based on 3.5 years of marriage and 2 years of dating):

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced? The best thing since sliced bread? I dunno that I''d go THAT far.

I still love him, and spending time with him. We laugh a lot. I''ve never regretted marrying the man. He''s my favorite person. Even when I want to strangle him. (The phrase I use is, "Honey, I love you, but hold still so I can strangle you!").

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!) We don''t fight often. It does happen, since any time you have 2 personalities together, you''re going to clash. For the most part they are little spats. One of us is cranky and the other person takes it badly. But the person in the wrong always apologizes, and we move on. We do occasionally have the fights that end with me or him crying, and I can think of one time that I actually left the apartment and drove around for a while. But, as with the smaller spats, once tempers cool and feelings aren''t running so high, we regroup, apologize, talk it out and move on.

As for saying awful and mean things, well, I''d love to say that I''ve never said anything I''ve regretted. Can''t though, things sometimes fly out of my mouth before they hit the filter. Every single time it''s happened though, it''s been immediately followed by something along the lines of, "Oh my gosh I am so sorry I did not mean to say that please forgive me!" I''ve never, and he''s never, said something awful and mean with the intent to hurt the other person.

Saying something awful that''s pre-meditated and intended to hurt the other person - that''s called emotional abuse. I''ve been there in past relationships. I don''t know your full story, but if that''s the sort of thing you were dealing with, then you are an amazingly wise and strong woman to get out of it. From my past relationship...the physical bruises healed fast. The emotional ones... those took longer. A lot longer. Some of them I''m still dealing with. If I ever thought that DH had said something deliberately calibrated to hurt me... Well, that''s when you know the person is not worth your time. Love doesn''t hurt on purpose. Love can get angry, and frustrated, and tired, and emotional, and clash. But if you love someone - you don''t hurt them on purpose, in any way shape or form.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together? Yup! I love spending time with the man. He makes me laugh, and takes care of me, and we have a fabulous time just playing video games or watching TV or existing in the same space.

That said, I kick him out once in a while to go hang with the guys and give me some ME time. I also take a bath every single night, and he''s not allowed in the bathroom. That''s MY time for myself!

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself? Yes. Every day. He makes me a better person. He makes me want to be a better person. I AM a better person with him in my life.

 

[soocool]

DH and I have been married 20 years this year. What is nice is that we were friends before we actually began dating. DH was and is BIL''s best friend.


1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

DH is a warm and loving person and I couldn''t have asked for more. I got to know him through my BIL and sister. I can''t recall ever fighting, but sometimes heated discussions and it always revolved around his parents, more specifically his mother. We are different nationalities and apparently his mother had it in her head that he would marry a Polish girl. Funny, but before me he always dated Polish girls. After knowing each other a few years before we actually dated we realized we had a lot in common and enjoyed each other''s company. Perhaps we thought it would be weird going out as a couple. Nonetheless, we began to spend more and more time together and never realized when we became a "couple".

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

In the beginning his mom tolerated me and I don''t think he quite believed that she disliked me so much. I would often cry after we got home from visiting them. I never did anything to the woman, but I guess she thinks it is necessary to treat me like dirt every chance she gets. I would go out of my way to be nice and DH after a while realized that I was right. Even so, I thought it was important for him to stay close to his family so I dealt with it, but we did talk about it afterwards so I could get my emotions out. But it became too overwhelming and I refused to see his parents anymore and though I tell him to go and see them, he has written them out of his life as well. I am so happy that he is strong enough not to listen to them. The mother even went out of her way to contact a lawyer (on his behalf of course) to make sure that I wouldn''t get what was "his" if we were ever to divorce.


We never call each other names and never attack one another. You could say we respect each other immensely, though we don''t have to agree on everything, we do respect each other''s views.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

DH travels for work and it is funny that after all these years he will call me in the morning and evening and just before bedtime to tell me how much he loves me. A couple of weeks ago he sent me 1 dozen yellow roses with a note "Just because". Many times my DD laughs at the fact that we hold hands when we go for a walk with the dog. We will both sit on the same sofa together (his head on my lap) each reading our own book. We kiss all the time and act like little kids (we are both in our 50s)

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

I guess the answer is yes! Our relationship is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I din''t get married until I was 33. I never thought I would get married or have children. I was really into my career and funny that after DD was born, I gave it up. It was hard giving up my career, but I am quite happy with the life I have. DH and I were talking after a friend of our passed away a couple of years ago and I told him that if anything ever happened to him, I don''t think I would ever want to remarry. He said the same thing.

 

[sctsbride09]

Hi Porridge, cool topic. Im sorry things didnt work out for you

, but you will find the right person for you. Give yourself some time, eat loads of ice cream or whatever makes you happy.

Ok, guess I better answer the question..

1. Yes, I do think my DH is the "best thing since sliced bread" lol. We have been together almost 4 years, coming up on our 1 year ann. of marriage, I love him more every day.

2. We have only had 1 REAL argument (and it was over mil), other than that we just bicker every once in a while. We dont name call or shout at each other, thats just not us. When we do have an occasional bicker moment, we usually move past it by talking it out/ making jokes. My Dh and I are big goofballs with each other, so it works for us as wierd as it sounds.
My husband has NEVER made me cry and visa versa.

3.Its so funny that this is one of your q''s because people are constantly ragging on us for being such homebodies/ being boring. The truth is, both my DH and I used to go out/ party quite a bit. But when we started dating, and especially since we married, we have been really into staying at home, just hanging out together. I know some people think its boring, but we could seriously be around each other for weeks without seeing another soul and be fine. When my Dh is away on business, I literally feel pain in my chest, so yes I love being around him.

4. My Dh makes me feel better about myself than I have ever felt. He encourages me to grow and be my true self. I know it is my DH because before him I had lousy self esteem. But he makes me *feel* beautiful, and smart and everything else a good DH makes his wife feel. Also, I am a better person because of my husband, and that makes me feel really good. Sorry so mushy, I just love

my hubs.

 

[princesss]

Hey Porridge! Interesting questions.

1) Sliced bread? My BF is the best thing since heated seats, tropical vacations, and non-fat peppermint hot chocolate on Christmas morning! We''ve had our arguments, but they''ve served as vehicles for us to know and understand each other better, and our relationship has improved after each one. They''re not fun to go through, but they help enough that I don''t mind having to have them. We have pretty strict rules on fighting - no name calling, stick to the situation at hand, LISTEN, and no yelling. We do our best to resolve things as soon as they become an issue (if we''re with a group of people, we''ll just step away for a few minutes and resolve things). I really think these rules (which, btw, weren''t set up at the start, but evolved naturally from spending a lot of time apart and having to really work on our communcation) have helped us so much. I know that no matter how mad I am at him, we have a solid base of trust and respect that can get us through anything.

He really is the coolest guy I''ve ever met, though. Just freaking amazing.

2) We don''t fight often. Maybe once every several months? We''re about to move in together, and I could see that causing some more heated discussions that usual. But we''ll smooth things out and go back to how we are now. We''ve never called each other names or said anything to be hurtful. We''ve said things before that hurt the other person on accident, and it stemmed more from not understanding the person''s perspective than from a desire to be mean. When that happens, we talk a TON and try to make sure both of us clearly understand the other person''s perspective. Once you can see where they''re coming from, and where the hurt feelings came from, it''s easy to not do again!

It''s funny, because we''ll jokingly call each other names or say things that could be construed as horribly mean, but it''s our sense of humour and it''s always teasing. People think that because I call him "jacka**" sometimes, we must seriously name call in fights, but it''s the reverse. If we used name-calling in fights, the funny, silly name calling would have a grain of truth to it that would really hurt. (One of my friends heard us fight one time, and said later, "That was a fight? Jeez. That was really...healthy.")

We also work hard to identify possible sources of hurt feelings before they happen. For example, we both play Ultimate. I''m new at it, and don''t understand the game that well. He''s been playing for 5 years, and gets pretty intense and has a tendency to yell. If we were on the same team and he yelled at me, I''d take it personally, and it would carry over from the field and into our relationship. But since we''re not on the same team, it''s not a problem.

3) I have a great time just hanging out with him! He''s funny and smart and the only person I could be trapped with on a desert island and not get sick of. I''d rather have a night in with him than a night out with friends 95% of the time.

4) I''m a much happier person since M and I have been together. I''m more confident, I''m more willing to try new things, and I am almost always smiling. On top of that, he constantly is inspiring me to be neater, a harder worker, and a better person. He never tells me what I should be doing, but I see him doing it and want to be more like him. I respect and admire him so much that I want to be more like him. And as I feel like I''m improving myself, I''m even happier with myself. It''s a wonderful, wonderful cycle.

HTH!

 

[lilyfoot]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
We haven''t been together for "years", but yes, I do think he is the best thing since sliced bread. I understand that the mushy gushy puppy love is guaranteed to fade after a while, but I will always love and admire him for who he is. His integrity as a man, and a boyfriend/partner, is incredible.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
No, we really don''t fight. There has been a few times where I''ve been a bit upset about something, but I''m just quiet about it, and we talk about it the next day, when I''m calmer. And that''s all it takes. No shouting, no crying. Neither of us says mean things to each other. Though one time he said I was being like Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. It was such a clever thing to say, I couldn''t even be mad. But that''s the one and only "mean" thing he''s ever said to me!

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
Yes and yes! We are so comftorable with each other, and our senses of humor mesh really well. We enjoy watching the same shows/movies, eating the same foods, going to the same places, so it''s easy for us.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?
Yes, very good. I''ve never had anybody in my life (including friends and family) that I could put all of my trust in before my boyfriend. I feel very secure in this relationship. It makes me feel proud of myself that I have qualities that attract a man of his type. Physically, he always says I have the perfect body (yeah right!), always calls me beautiful, makes nice comments about how I look, etc.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:26:42 PM
Author:Porridge
I recently broke up with my FI and am just feeling a little jaded and confused about relationships I suppose. I know the relationship wasn''t right and I that did the right thing, but what would really cheer me up, if you don''t mind, would be to hear all about your wonderful relationships and your fantastic SO''s, to reassure me about my decision and give me something to look forward to in the years to come

So, what I want to know is:

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
Ok, we''ve only been together half of a year.. but YES. I had no idea a relationship could be so great. I always thought my standards were impossibly high, but he''s proven that that is not the case. He may not be a perfect fit for every girl, but we are so great together.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
We''ve never had a big FIGHT (which is kind of rare for me hehe). Sure, we''ve had arguments and disagreed on things. We''ve been really good about not yelling or blowing up over small things. I think part of that is that we''re comfortable enough with one another to just say when something bugs us as opposed to it turning into something big.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
Yesssss! We make each other laugh, we can talk about anything, and we also just love to lay around doing nothing together.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?
Well, I don''t like the idea of counting on a guy to make me feel good about myself, but I guess that it does. I''m happy and he makes me feel confident and beautiful.


I''m only bragging so much because a year ago I was soooooo sad and thought I''d love my ex forever, and ever. Guess what? He''s now been blown out of the water. Of course moving on is tough, but I promise that if you were disatisfied you are doing yourself a major favor by moving forward! Good luck to you!

 

[lilyfoot]

Porridge, I just wanted to pop back in here to say that I completely understand your reason for this thread.

Before my current relationship, I was in a 3 year long bad relationship (about 2 years ago now). I wasn''t treated even HALF as well as I am now with my current BF. When I was in that relationship however, I honestly didn''t know there were "nice" guys out there, I didn''t know I could have a boyfriend who was actually NICE to me and LIKES spending time with me. It sounds stupid to most, I''m sure, but it still amazes me every day that I''ve found someone who is so good to me. I tell him all the time, I didn''t know guys like hiim existed.

 

[setell]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

hmm I don’t eat sliced bread that much so sliced bread isn’t that great to me but he is as great as cheesecake!!! Yummmmy!!!! So yup, he is still that amazing guy and it’ll be 6 years in 3 months! I still find him amazingly hot too!

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

We actually don’t fight much since we’ve been together. I mean it was a bit rocky at the begging when we weren’t communicating properly to each other but once we figured things out it’s been smooth sailing. For the past few years we’ve been doing great with very little arguments/fights. I don’t really call them fights anymore but debates (we’re both opinionated people). I sometime say mean things but they are the truth too and not meant to hurt him. I just don’t hide nor sugar coat it and tell him the blunt truth, like what I think of his family. In return he gets to tell me what he thinks of my family and I can’t get upset over it. I guess l love how he can handle my blunt truths and he is a very blunt guy too. He will tell me exactly how he is feeling without trying to sugar coat it. So that’s why I love his opinion of things as I know it’s exactly what he thought and not a sugar coated version.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

We’re fairly boring people! We stay home, play with our doggy and watch tv. Before we got our dog all we did was just curl up together on the sofa and hang out at times. We are very similar in tastes with many things like tv shows, toys (his obsession of electronic gadgets), video gaming etc.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

Yup! I’m going through a rough patch in my life as work is bringing my self esteem, ego, making me question myself and my abilities (can’t find new job and nasty nasty co-workers to deal with). I love how he is there to back me up. Somebody for me to lean on for support if I decide to crumble and not be this mighty “strong” woman!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

We''ve been together almost 5 years, lived together for more than 2, married for 3 months.

1) Yes! (But I''m not a huge fan of bread, haha).
2) We have never really fought come to think of it, we''ve had 2 or 3 spats that stand out, but they only lasted a few hours, and we''ve never had an argument or anger that lasted more than a day.
3) There are some busy days where we maybe say 10 sentences to each other, and just spend the rest of the time sitting on the same couch together with our respective laptops, doing out separate work, but happy to just be close enough to touch each other.
4) ABSOLUTELY! I know without a single doubt that I am the most important thing in his life and he makes sure I know it!

 

[TravelingGal]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

Nope, I absolutely do NOT think he is the best thing since sliced bread. Never have, never will. Why? Because he''s a human being. A wonderful human being but one I am realistic about. Sometimes, he''s a moldy crouton (can croutons get moldy?) Other times, he can certainly get to warm, fresh baked bread status. I also know there''s probably yummy other bread out there, but fortunately I''m brand loyal. He''s MY bread!


2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

We used to have some great rager fights. We fight SO differently. I''m rational and will want to talk things out. He''s not rational and needs to cool down before he says or hears ONE word (and me trying to talk it out would make him angrier). Part of the challenge of marriage is learning how to fight fair. I learned how to walk away, no matter how mad I was and wanted to talk it out. He learned to cool down much much faster. We have not had a fight in a long, looooooong time. We do have sarcastic spats once in awhile...we are both sarcastic by nature, so that can''t be helped. So yeah, we can argue, but we don''t fight much.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

Sure, I love being with him. I love being without him too. I expect the same for him, so we are well balanced. We also like to be together but not together, if that makes sense. He''s the only person in the world I can be with 24/7 because we are happy to just sit there and enjoy the silience. I also really enjoy being alone and going out with friends. I do not like doing everything with him and vice versa. Time and a place.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

Of course! We are two people who love each other and are dedicated to making it work. It is a good feeling to know that someone finds you significant enough to make that commitment. I like who I am with him and he with me, because we know are two flawed people who will have good times and bad times and are smart enough to know that marriage includes both.

 

[HollyS]

The hubs and I are ''different'' than the norm . It took a long time for us to grow into our relationship. We started dating, didn''t feel much in the way of sparks, became friends, then best friends, and then more.

I don''t know if we''ve already been through what other couples have yet to experience, or if we just gradually lost our own selfish expectations (which we had in abundance when we met), but we don''t have ''issues''. No real fights. No drama. Sure, we squabble and fuss; doesn''t everyone? But we long ago came to terms with the person in front of us, warts and all.

The key component to any great relationship is respect. It is not love, desire, compatibility, shared experiences. Those count, but they won''t keep you together. Respect will. Each person must be respected for who they are, what they do, what they want, what they need, and what is important to them. If you can''t, for whatever reason, give this respect - - that''s the biggest red flag in the world. If they aren''t the person you want and need them to be, and not deserving of your respect in their present state, you cannot fix them. And vice versa. Disrespect, and its cousins neglect and resentment, will erode love.

I''m repeating myself when I say this again on PS, but DH and I are family. We are two halves of a whole. I really can''t imagine feeling this way about anyone else. (I don''t have enough years left in me to start over with someone new. . . at the same pace this relationship developed.

)

 

[Novel]

Porridge, I''m sorry to hear about your relationship and how things ended up, but I think that if you have the desire for a thread like this, then you know something better is out there for you.

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

I''m with TGal here. Its not that he is the best thing ever, its that he is him. I guess I feel like he isn''t the best person in the whole world (we all have our flaws) but I''m not either. Its that he is my partner and I take him for what he is and love him for what he is and what we are together.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

We kind of spat sometimes. Its mostly that I hold things in and he gets anxious or he holds things in and I get frustrated. If its one of us getting mad (usually me, because I''m like that) then we get past it by just continuing to function together and eventually laughing.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

I love having him near. For example, I had a big doctor''s appt today, and just the fact that he was with me made me feel calmer. I like to sit on the couch with him and read or have my computer by his and just do different things but together. Also, cooking with him, cleaning with him, that stuff, its just more fun with him.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

Hmm. Yes, he makes sure I know how much I matter and what my role is in his life. But I guess more important is that he never makes me feel bad about myself. Even if he might accidentally make me feel not that important at the moment (having to do something else when I''m upset after apologizing or forgetting he told me he''d do something), he doesn''t ever put me down. He does make me feel beautiful and wanted, but I want that to come from myself as much as it can, not from him. But he never, ever, makes me feel the reverse.


I have trouble believing any relationship is perfect, but the person you love shouldn''t make you feel like less for being with him/her, but like more.

 

[April20]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:26:42 PM
Author:Porridge
I recently broke up with my FI and am just feeling a little jaded and confused about relationships I suppose. I know the relationship wasn''t right and I that did the right thing, but what would really cheer me up, if you don''t mind, would be to hear all about your wonderful relationships and your fantastic SO''s, to reassure me about my decision and give me something to look forward to in the years to come

So, what I want to know is:
1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

These maybe kind of odd questions

...I think they are the things I was unsure of in my own relationship. TIA

Hi Porridge-

I saw your other thread, but I think I lost track and didn''t respond. I wanted to tell you that I absolutely think you did the right thing. You are going to find someone really wonderful and a relationship that just works for both of you. Don''t settle for less, you deserve this.

To answer your questions......

1. DH and I have only been together for 3 years, married for 2.5 of the 3 years. I do think he''s the absolute best thing since sliced bread. Heck, he''s the best thing since bread itself! I dated a lot of people throughout my 20s and not one them was right. Either the relationship was literally work or there just wasn''t the spark. I couldn''t see myself with them for the long haul. The minute I met DH, I knew he could be the "one". After we started dating, I knew he was it for me. It just worked. I can''t describe it really. We got engaged 3 mos after our first date and married 2.5 months after that.

2. We don''t fight. There are times when we get frustrated with each other- we''re imperfect humans, it happens. But at the end of the day, we''re looking out for the interests of the other first rather than ourselves. When we consider the other person first and how they feel, it really does keep us from saying things that might hurt the other and to be perfectly honest, these type of comments aren''t even something I think about much less have to stop myself from saying.

3. We LOVE being together. He''s definitely my closest friend. We do almost everything together and spend a lot of time with friends- both single and married couples. DH was recently invited on a long weekend guys trip and turned them down. I asked him why- encouraged him to go- and he said he''d rather go to that location with me. Not that he wouldn''t have fun, but it''s someplace we haven''t been together, someplace he LOVES and he wanted his next memory of being there of being there with me.

4. Our relationship does make me feel good about myself. I go back to considering the interest of the other person ahead of personal interests. He does that, which means I know and feel I''m loved and appreciated every day, which directly contributes to me feeling good about myself.

I was talking about marriage with a friend this week and she informed me that not all marriages were like mine with the "nuclear" family. In all honesty, it threw me for a loop. I know that there are a lot of marriages of "convenience" out there and a lot that you wonder how the heck they work, but they do. My marriage is very traditional and works very, very well for us. I never stopped to consider that maybe we''re in the minority rather than the majority. Maybe we''re not and it''s just what this particular gal has been exposed to, but it did make me stop and think for a good while.

 

[Haven]

Hi, Porridge! I once broke off an engagement and I remember how hard it was to mourn the life that I was no longer going to live. HOWEVER, it was the best thing I ever did because I found my husband and yes, I think he is the most amazing person on the planet, past, present, and future.

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
Yes, I do. I think my husband is the most wonderful person I have ever known and I feel privileged to be married to him.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
We don''t fight often, and when we do they''re just little spats over little things. I cannot take credit for this at all, as I''m a yeller. DH is the most calm, rational person I know and he has a way of deescalating any situation. And when you''re a yeller and you find yourself yelling at someone who is staying completely calm it just makes you (read: me) realize you''re behaving like a maniac.
Neither of us has ever said anything awful or mean to the other. We aren''t the types to say hurtful things in general to anyone, though.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
Yes, I do. We spend a lot of time together, especially now that I''m only teaching part-time. The cool part is that we really don''t need to spend a lot of money doing things together, because we can make a good time out of very little when we''re together.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?
Absolutely. I feel good about myself, and about our future together. I know that no matter what I have to deal with throughout my day I have someone on my side *no*matter*what*. I tell DH that he''s my secret weapon against the world, and sometimes I feel like he really is.
It feels really good to be part of a solid unit. I found someone who has beliefs and values about life that are similar enough to mine that we''re able to merge our lives together and create a family out of it. That''s really amazing, if you ask me, and I feel very blessed to be with him.

We''ve been together for about five and a half years. Married since July 2008.

 

[Mara]

Hi Porridge. First off you did the right thing..for YOU...if you have doubts. So don't worry about that. And you WILL find someone else, and chances are someone more compatible and suited for you long-term. I always found that previous relationships really helped 'solidify' for me what I wanted or didn't want in my next relationship.

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. I still think he is wonderful, extremely smart, handsome, loving. Of course we have developed in the years we have been together. Is he perfect? Heck no. Am I? Heck no. I don't think it's realistic to expect people to be wonderful or perfect all the time. What I think is important is that there are things that you think are SO fabulous about that person that you want to be with them for those great reasons.

We don't fight that often, but even after all this time we have NOT perfected the art of fighting/arguing. We have totally different styles, I am super rational and almost 'lawyerly' which drives him crazy. I can out-argue almost anyone's point with a better structured one of my own.

He would prefer I just fought with emotion, instead of rationale. We have only 'gone to bed mad' a few times and honestly I don't think it's a huge deal because usually for us the next day is a clean slate, and we don't hold grudges. We also try NOT to fight dirty and be mean, because really whats the point there? I think it's important not to hold a grudge OR if it bothers you, ask and be like 'did you mean that?'. Most of the time it's like 'No i didn't but i was hurt at the time'. Talking things through is important.

We enjoy being together and much of the time I would prefer it is just us out doing things. I still want him to come on stupid errands with me like the market or the nursery even if HE would rather be doing something else.

We both are pretty independent though and do our own things, have our own hobbies away from each other. But we work well in groups too thankfully. I have some friends whose husbands are not very socially adept and don't like intermingling etc, and that can make it difficult in larger situations. We work well in both.

Every good relationship should make you feel positive about yourself. In day to day life it is very easy to fall into not appreciating the other person or only picking on the bad things. But, there is a reason you are with that person. And the reasons of good should outweigh the bad. You can disagree and be DIFFERENT people, that is what makes the world go round but you have to respect that person you are with and admire them, or else after all the hot and heavy passion fades you may not be left with as much as you thought initially. Long-term relationships are tough...think about all the things we have to weather in LIFE in general and know that your relationship has to get through all of those too.

The funny thing with us is that the 'hardest' things or the things we fight about or disagree with the most are TINY things. They are not the big things like how to handle finances or how to raise our kids. We are in sync on big things. I'd rather argue intermittently about small things that don't mean much, than have us be out of sync on huge things.

Give yourself time to grieve the relationship, but don't be sad you spent that time with that person. It's all a learning experience, it's all about life. You will probably find that the next person you date or end up with has all these great elements you were lacking previously. When I left my last relationship before meeting my now-husband, I thought gee I am giving up a lot of good things but it just didn't feel like enough. Well I met my husband and he had all the great things my ex did, along with a whole new host of things that my ex was lacking, things that were important to me. And so, here we are.

Enjoy your newfound life...and appreciate it for what it is now because it will change again soon enough.

 

[february2003bride]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced? Yeah, I do

After almost 9 years together (almost 7 of them married) I still smile when I think of him, he makes me laugh, blush, wanna hug him so hard his head pops off, lol.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!) Our first year of marriage was horrible and our 2nd wasn''t so great either. I got pregnant 3 weeks after our wedding, and in our first year we sold a house and built a house, and during that time lived in a teeny tiny townhouse with my DD. During our 2nd year of marriage, his parents moved to our area (they live in India) and we had to pay 50/50 with his brother all of their expenses. Dh was with them all the time. If he wasn''t working, he was with his parents. I was stuck working from home and caring for my DD (whom my DH has now adopted so she''s OUR DD

) and our DS. Looking back, I don''t know how our marraige survived those 2 years. It didn''t get better until his parents left 11 months later.

But now? No fights, very few spats. We''ve both reallllly mellowed out. As for saying mean things to each? No, we try not too.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together? I really do enjoy spending time with DH. I do love being with him, BUT I can''t spent 24/7 forever and ever with him

I like having personal time as does he!

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself? Yes! I do have a really supportive hubby and I hope he feels that way about me!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced? When I married my husband, I knew it wasn''t always going to be wonderful--that there even may be times when just his face would send me into a melt down...but I have honestly, from the bottom of my heart, tell you that my husband is my best friend. He is my partner, in every single sense of the word. We''ve shared almost four really wonderful years together and it just gets better and better. We have our tough moments and our rough patches, but they reinforce us as opposed to breaking us down and tearing us apart. We have a special dynamic that makes us work.


2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!) No, we don''t fight. Not because we don''t disagree--we do...but because at the end of the day "fighting" doesn''t solve anything productively. We talk it out. We have "rules of conduct"...no yelling, no below the belt swings, just open and honest conversation. We can say anything to each other--but for us, it boils down to how you say it. We have ongoing issues, that I won''t go into, but its our lines of communication that save us, really. I know that when my pot spills over and I need to vent, he''s my ear. And, of course, the same is true in reverse.


3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together? Oh my God, yes!! He''s my most favorite person in the world to spend time with. He''s fun, and funny and smart and we just "get along" so well. There are times we''ll be going somewhere or doing something and I''ll just grab his hand and tell him how much I love spending time together--it just pours out me. He''s my greatest pride and joy, being together is so special. We have learned to share interests, blended our hobbies...lifes just more fun that way. Bottom line, I just enjoy everything so much more when he''s with me!


4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself? It does. In both the big and the small ways. It''s hard to explain, but it''s just an aspect of love, I suppose. Through loving myself, I was able to love him...and from loving him, I''ve learned to love myself more.

 

[Lilac]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
DH and I have been together for over 5 years, and married for almost 9 months now. Right from the beginning, I knew he was special and as we got to know each other I saw that he was the most amazing person I had ever known. He is perfect for me and I really do feel so blessed to have him in my life (and I still try and figure out every day why he chose to marry me!) I wake up each and every day knowing I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such an incredible husband who cares so much for me and would do anything for me (and I hope I can treat him with the same love and respect he gives me!) So I guess the answer to your question is yes... but I think he's better than sliced bread

.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that's personal!)
We do argue but they're usually pretty small disagreements. Occasionally we have *fights*, but not too often. DH is honestly the calmest person I know and in all our time together he has not even ONCE so much as raised his voice at me. I do yell - I'm working on it, and I have gotten better at stopping myself, but anytime we have fought I'm the one yelling and he's the one speaking in a low, calm, rational voice. He will apologize the second he even thinks he did something wrong or hurts my feelings in some way. He hates fighting (I do too) but he never ever does anything to escalate a fight and he's always the one trying to calm me down and even when he's upset I have never seen him angry at me. Neither of us would ever say anything intentionally hurtful to the other EVER. There have been a couple times I have said something out of line and apologized for it once I realized it was a hurtful comment, and now I'm more careful about what I say. He would never say anything mean to me, because that's just how he is. Even when he's upset, he's just so loving and caring. I wish I were more like him (and I really am trying). And whenever we have arguments or disagreements our relationship is always stronger at the end of them after we work through them together.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
I absolutely enjoy just being with DH. He's so much fun! We can sit at home and do absolutely nothing and have SUCH an amazing time! Just last weekend we stayed in from Friday evening until Sunday (and Friday night through Saturday night is the Sabbath so we weren't allowed to listen to the radio or watch TV at all). We spent the ENTIRE time talking, playing board games, reading together, cuddling, and talking some more. It was the best 36 hours I've had in a while and we had so much fun together! Every day I look forward to him coming home from work because I really truly just enjoy spending time with him. Our honeymoon in August was the first time we spent a full 10 days together without anyone else and without being apart at all and we didn't fight at all and we had the BEST time together! We talked about at the end how amazing it was that we love spending time with each other so much that we just never get tired of each other. I could spend weeks alone with him and I know we wouldn't get tired of each other.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?
Absolutely. I had such low self esteem before I met DH. Since we met he has made me feel like the most special person in the world (other than him - because I know HE is the most special

) He tells me every day how much he loves me and how happy he is to be married to me. I am so excited to spend our lives together and no matter how sad or upset I get about other things in my life I always smile when I think about him. I know he is always here for me no matter what and he will support me through *anything* and *everything*. I am so lucky to have him and I really couldn't ask for a better husband, best friend, and partner in life.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:26:42 PM
Author:Porridge
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that's personal!)

I will only take the time to answer one question. After 27 years of marriage I can honestly say we have never said awful mean things to each other. Every couple is going to have disagreements. But mean spirited things are usually personal attacks and that's just not acceptable in a relationship.

When we argue here is no yelling or crying because we both know when to give it up and agree to disagree. It is too difficult to recover from big blow-ups.

 

[kas baby]

1. I try to see everyone- not just my FI or myself- as a perfect opportunity to grow and learn. Everyone in my life, even passersby, has something different to offer even if they don''t know it. But to answer your question- yes, after almost 6 years of being together, I still find him quite amazing.

2. When we first started dating, we had problems, and lots of them. Once the ''honeymoon'' stage was over, yeah things got weird. Neither of us had seen a functional relationship. My parents we''re barely roommates and my dad was basically a paycheck. So when FI was nicer to me than my dad was to my mom, I had some serious concerns in the relationship area. I had no idea what a real relationship was supposed to be like. FI comes from a messed up family, love them to death, but sometimes I feel like I''m watching Jerry Springer. His dad (a hardcore druggie) left them, then contracted AIDS from heroin use (eewww, needles) and died when FI was 8 (not a great role model, but FI''s younger brothers are going down the same road much to FI''s dismay- FI was the only one out of 4 kids to graduate HS and has a steady job), his mom rebounded with a really abusive guy, she tried to work all the time so she could support them (and get away from mister anger issues),
so, when we fought, we had no idea how to do it the right way. We never physically hurt each other, but we did at times say some very hurtful things- all of which we both regret. It took us a long time to figure out how to communicate with each other properly. Now we don''t really fight too much- if I cry, it''s because I made myself feel like an idiot or if I feel like I seriously hurt his feelings. If we ''fight'' now, usually they stem from small misunderstandings that clear up pretty quickly, or from bad moods, which also usually get taken care of right away.

3. I love love love love spending time with him. We''re long distance and he comes to visit me every other weekend. I cherish that time. Sometimes I feel bad because I have TONS of homework and studying to do ALL the time, but he doesn''t mind. FI says ''as long as I get to sit next to you, I''m happy.'' Some people think we''re boring, we like to think that we''re just comfortable being ourselves.

4. I think we are each accountable for our own happiness. No one can make you feel cruddy without your consent. With that said, yes, my relationship with FI does help me feel good. It allows me to see how much I''ve grown, how much I''ve been able to learn as a person, to realize how to work as a team with someone, and it makes me happy to know that I have someone to support me 100% through everything. I like to think that we work well as a team, we compliment each other and our relationship plays to our strengths while at the same time working on our weaknesses. There are a lot of things I know I could never have done on my own if I didn''t have him supporting me, and I appreciate that every day of my life.

and just in case you want some more FI amazingness, here''s a thread of mine over in BWW: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/how-soon.128324/


The right guy is out there. I don''t think there is only ''one'' right person. Just keep thinking positive ''the right person is out there and he''s going to find me'' thoughts, work on learning how to find joy from within yourself, and I think things could fall into place for you.

 

[Elmorton]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
Yes. My DH has the patience of a saint and loves me without reserve. For that alone, I think he''s the greatest thing since sliced bread. He''s good to me beyond measure.
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
No, we don''t fight often. I throw a temper tantrum every now and then, and frankly, so does he, but we''ve had very few arguments. The way we get over this is simply by giving the other person a little space and then coming back with a hug and an apology, because usually one or the other of us knows we were being out of line.
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together? Yes. Frankly, we don''t do well apart. I get upset that he''s not around to laugh about something that only he would understand, I get upset that nobody else communicates with me the way he does...yeah, not fun.
4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself? Absolutely. I don''t think I''ve ever really had esteem problems, but the way I can tell that he loves me when he looks at me is so much greater than I could ever love myself. It makes me feel like I''m more special than I can know.

 

[Laila619]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:26:42 PM
Author:Porridge
I recently broke up with my FI and am just feeling a little jaded and confused about relationships I suppose. I know the relationship wasn't right and I that did the right thing, but what would really cheer me up, if you don't mind, would be to hear all about your wonderful relationships and your fantastic SO's, to reassure me about my decision and give me something to look forward to in the years to come

So, what I want to know is:
1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that's personal!)
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

These maybe kind of odd questions

...I think they are the things I was unsure of in my own relationship. TIA

1) Absolutely! He is the joy and the love of my life!
2) We rarely fight. We have so much in common so there are no real disagreements. Even so, if we do bicker, we try to do it kindly if there is such a thing.
3) Yes, we love to spend time together. He's my best friend.
4) Yes, my DH treats me like a princess and I'm his number one priority. The right guy for you will treat you the same way, Porridge. Hugs!

 

[that_someone_special]

So, what I want to know is:
1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself


1) Yes. He is almost as great as the invention of the internet.
2) OMG we used to fight SO MUCH. Mostly my fault. I''m an emotional basket case. I''ve since curbed it and it actually saved our relationship. He''s worth it.
3) I LOVE LOVE LOVE being with him. He is my best friend. I go to him first for everything. If something funny happens when he''s at work I find he is the first one I want to talk to.
4) Yes, at times. Sometimes not, but again, that is my fault.

 

[Squirrly]

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

He''s the best thing since bread, and if he slices it all the better!

honestly, yes. loveably frustrating stubborn goof-ball that he is, i still blush and get all giggly when i think about him. goofy smile and everything. i think i love him more because of the problems and how they were handled.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)

not all that often, but as we became more comfortable with each other and more secure in our relationship, we ended up having little tiffs more frequently and a couple more serious disagreements because we knew we could have those and it wouldn''t mean our relationship was over. so far as i can recall neither of us has said anything awful or mean, and honestly i don''t remember our tiffs. i know we''ve had them but we have them, then cool off and talk it out and then we move on and try our best to avoid what caused the tiff in the first place (usually a miscommunication)

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

absolutely. we''re both fairly independent so we like to have our moments to ourselves, but even just driving around is more fun when we''re together.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

yes. i''m more confident, have a much better self image, feel more secure in who i am and am much more relaxed than i normally am. he compliments me daily, makes me laugh, and is the best friend i can tell anything to and know that whenever i need him he''ll be there to listen to me. i do feel kinda sorry for him though, since he''s boosted my confidence so much, compared to all my previous relationships, he really can''t get away with much. it''s the first relationship that i''ve been comfortable enough and confident enough to voice when i don''t like how the other party is acting

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

FWIW- I totally admire your courage and strength, though I know the situation itself is a crummy one. You''re a pretty amazing woman for digging deep and doing what you knew, in your heart, was the right thing.

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? I love carbs, and I love him more than carbs, so possibly. He''s not a perfect person (nor am I) but he is PERFECT for me. His downfalls are perfect for me and his best qualities are perfect for me.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!) We''ve had a few semi-major crisis to work out, and there will be some in our future... but usually we just bicker. And not frequently. Our spats go like this: "But I let the dog out at 5am...It''s YOUR turn!" ...and I usually throw something vulgar onto that sentence, like, "Josiah, I''m going to castrate you- seriously." Which sounds terrible, but it''s in jest- and I can be crude- and he always erupts in laughter On occasion we have said mean things, but not with the intent to hurt. We follow up with apologies and hugs and forgiveness- what else can you do? I''m the one with a temper, though, and continually try to keep it in check.


3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together? For SURE. We can sit and not talk, or play chess, or read books... it honestly doesn''t matter. Very rarely have I felt that I needed alone-time away from him, and I believe he''d say the same about me. One of my favorite parts about being around him is how SILLY we are! Oh goodness... we make up songs and dances all the time, about anything, anyone, whenever, whatever. I''m *always* singing which definitely annoys some people, but he just sings along with me. My heart feels happy just thinking about it!


4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself? Yup. He always wants the best for me, and I want the same for him. It makes me feel like we''ll never head in the wrong direction... it''s great knowing he "has my back." And that unconditional, crazy love never hurts. I always feel lucky to have him. I hope to never, ever take our relationship for granted, and to never neglect it.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Porridge, I''m sorry to hear about your break up and I hope that you''re looking after yourself and staying strong. I also hope that the answers here are comforting / helpful. We''re all different, our relationships are all different, but for what they''re worth, here are my answers to your questions.

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
Yes, pretty much. Which isn''t to say that our relationship is the best thing since sliced bread. I''m not perfect, neither is he. He has his issues and so do I, some of which have affected our relationship, but ultimately I wouldn''t have married anyone else. He''s unusual and incredible.

2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
We''ve had the odd major blow up - maybe four times in our ten years together. We don''t get mean, because as Swingirl said, it''s too hard to get past. We don''t want to have to pick up the pieces. Plus, we do rub along pretty well most of the time. We have had some difficult times though. The one blight on our relationship over the years has been that DH has awful mood swings. Had done all his life. He has finally recognised the problem and is getting help, so I''m optimistic that we can move forward without that stress. We laugh a lot, day to day too. That''s really important to both of us.

3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
Yes. I love to spend time with my friends, but I need time with DH first and foremost. My perfect days have always had him in them.

4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?
Yes. DH supports me, gives me a family / stability that I treasure. He isn''t a jealous person, he isn''t interested in material things, yet totally understands why I like Chloe handbags. He can shop for me and get exactly the right things in the right sizes (he works in a city with cool shops). He doesn''t value status objects, doesn''t play video games/ sports/ get drunk with friends, yet actively supports me doing any of these things if I want to. He has good female friends and respects and likes my male friends. He''s a very hands-on parent, taking on the routine stuff that I don''t love and apparently enjoying every minute. One thing that makes me feel good about myself is that DH entirely rejects gender roles. This is very, very important to me, probably wouldn''t matter to plenty people, but that''s a huge part of why I feel good about my relationship and myself. It mattered most to me when we had a baby and gave me the confidence to TTC in the first place. He often says that I make him feel loved and good about himself, which makes me incredibly happy. We''re a team and it''s been a lot of fun so far.

Thinking about you, Porridge. You''re a lovely lady and you deserve to be happy - which you will be!

Jen

 

[AdiS]

Date: 10/29/2009 2:26:42 PM
Author:Porridge
I recently broke up with my FI and am just feeling a little jaded and confused about relationships I suppose. I know the relationship wasn''t right and I that did the right thing, but what would really cheer me up, if you don''t mind, would be to hear all about your wonderful relationships and your fantastic SO''s, to reassure me about my decision and give me something to look forward to in the years to come

So, what I want to know is:
1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?
2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

These maybe kind of odd questions

...I think they are the things I was unsure of in my own relationship. TIA

Hey, Porridge, I just want to say that I admire your strength and wish you all the best in the future. There is someone out there who will make you feel like you''re the most important thing in the world for him every day of your lives. HUGS!

As for your questions:

1) Yes, I do. After 6 years together, 3 as a married couple, I can honestly say that I still get those butterflies in my stomach just thinking about him. He''s so strong, so tender, loving and, well, good looking!

I feel blessed to have him in my life.

2) No, we don''t. We bicker sometimes but even that''s rare enough. And when we do, we never ever insult each other, mimic the other''s gestures/words in a mean and hurtful way (you know, like he would say "Stop it", for example, and I''d repeat "Stop it" in a sarcastic, spiteful way). I do tell him he''s a donkey sometimes though and he''d respond that I''m a goose. lol

3) Oh, yes. My favourite time of the day is late in the evenings, when we are both home and we could just be together. Sometimes we''d read books, snuggling on the sofa, or watch TV, or share a glass or two of wine, or just sit there, holding hands, not saying a word. It''s the kind of peaceful and comfortable stillness that doesn''t make you struggle to find a topic, just so you could say something to break the silence. It sounds really stupid, but after the weekend, when we get to spend more time together, I miss him so much on Monday morning that it hurts! I know, cheesy.

4) He does. He makes me feel like I''m the most beautiful, loved and happy woman in the world.

 

[arjunajane]

Hi Porridge,
I am sorry to hear of your break up and current feelings. At first before I opened it, I thought this thread may not be the best idea for someone in your recent position. But after reading your questions and the responses I think it''s a good idea if you feel it will help you..I hope it does.
So here''s my contribution

:

1) Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

Nope, because I have to echo Tgal''s sentiments here - he''s a human, with human traits and flaws just like me.
That said, he is *my* human and there is no other guy I would even contemplate rather being with.
And yes, I can say that confidently without meeting every other guy

A bit of background - we were very close platonic friends since young teenage years.
We are now in our mid-20''s, have been together 5 years, engaged and living together for 4 of them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I always knew he was "the one, and he felt the same.
Turns out it seems we were right..



2) Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)


I wouldn''t call it fighting as much as maybe bickering/arguing - and this really only happens when we are both stressed/tired/irritable and it''s just nonsense really..venting I guess.
I am very much the "I want to just stop and go away and have quiet time now, and sort it out when we''ve calmed down" type, whereas Fi is the "We need to talk this whole thing through and resolve it all Now, and I won''t be happy until we do" type.....so I think this can cause extra trouble as we are both *very* stubborn.
Yes I do think we could improve on this area, and we do usually "de-brief" after an argument and talk about how we can improve the behaviours that led to it/avoid hurting each others feelings in the future, etc. We always make up pretty quick and get over it. Thinking about it, I do not have any lasting hurt/anger from any prior fights, which I guess is a good thing?!
We have had occasional raging fights with tanties and yelling and door-slamming, etc- but both of us stops short of saying the really awful, cutting things. We know each other so intimately, I''m positive we could both list each persons'' greatest weaknesses/insecurities/or "buttons" - but I''m glad to say neither of us presses them, even in the bad fights.


3) Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?

I have to agree with Tgal''s post again here (get outta my head Tgal! lol).

He is absolutely the only person I can spend 24/7 with. We have alot of laughs, have exactly the same sense of humour, enjoy likely 95% of shared hobbies/passions/tastes and are completely at ease after knowing each other for so long. Even when we first started dating, it was pretty easy as we''d hung out as mates for so long.
Many of our friends used to say this before we were together, that we are the male and female version of each other - they are likely right! Sometimes it causes conflict, but mostly it works for us. No opposites attract here!

But yes, I really enjoy having "me time" and I really love for him to go out and just have a boy''s night/day and enjoy himself without me. Actually I find that after Fi has been hanging out with the boys for a while, he comes back to me especially lovey as he listens to many of his mates complain about their women, and seems to get more appreciative of what we have, lol..
At the start I used to get envious of his time spent with the guys, but I''ve grown up from that, and see our time apart as the important healthy part of a r''ship it is.


4) Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself?

Absolutely or I wouldn''t be doing it! Fi boosts me up when I''m feeling down, and of course if feels good to know there is this intelligent, great looking, charismatic guy who has chosen me and loves me with all my flaws. We understand each other intimately and are on the same page with pretty much everything in our partnership, which helps.
It makes me feel proud that we have made it work through quite significant adversities over the years and have become closer/stronger and not the opposite due to those events.

 

[sba771]

Do you really think your SO is just the best thing since sliced bread? Even after years of being together, and after all the fights and problems you faced?

Well I think my dog is the best thing since sliced bread, but since the FI bought me the dog, he is a close second. I don’t think he is perfect, he is full of flaws- but he is perfect for me as a result.

Do you fight often? Little spats or shouting and crying? Does either party say anything awful and mean? If so, how do you get past that? (Sorry, that''s personal!)
We used to. A LOT. It almost broke us up twice, it was really really bad and ugly. You would be horrified by the details. I went into therapy which gave me some tools to better express myself and get through my feelings by ‘using my words.’ (I have been throwing temper tantrums since I was a toddler) My FI is at fault at times too, but now that I know how to react better in the situations, he in turn behaves better and we don’t fight. We still talk and have disagreements, but the tone and scary aspect is gone. He did offer to go to therapy with me if I wanted which I also think is huge. Had things continued after I used the tools I learned in therapy, he would have been there with me.

Do you really enjoy just being with your SO? Do you guys get along so well that you just love being together?
Very much. In our situation we only have each other. (we moved abroad for his work so no friends and family nearby) we talk ALLLL day and aside from sleep rarely go more than 3 hours without talking by text or gchat.

Does your relationship make you feel good about yourself? Incredibly. No one has ever made me feel this way and I feel like I am the person I always wanted to be. He has supported me through so much.