Teacher won't let son use the bathroom

[Austina]

I think your email is more than fair @StephanieLynn and I hope it brings about the desired resolution.

If not, go straight to the head of the school, and tell them you’re not putting up with someone denying your son a basic human right.

When I was a child, I was forced to eat something I didn’t like, I was kept in the lunchroom after everyone else had left. I kept telling the lady I felt sick, and she said I couldn’t leave until I’d eaten every mouthful.

I did, and when she looked at me with a smug “I made you eat it” look, I threw up everywhere, and she had to clean it up.

Funnily enough, I was never forced to eat anything else again I didn’t like

 

[Ellen]

Do let us know how this plays out!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Goodness reading some of these replies is heartbreaking, it's a shame any of our kids should be bullied or manipulated by a teacher of all people.

@Austina what a terrible story, I bet she regretted making you eat it all though, funny that karma thing.

I will keep you guys in the loop. The doctor called this morning and has a note all ready so that is going to be my next move if it happens again along with a meeting with the Principal. In the meantime we told DS to be assertive, if you need to go you get that hand up there or approach her to be excused until you are recognized.

 

[missy]

Goodness reading some of these replies is heartbreaking, it's a shame any of our kids should be bullied or manipulated by a teacher of all people.

@Austina what a terrible story, I bet she regretted making you eat it all though, funny that karma thing.

I will keep you guys in the loop. The doctor called this morning and has a note all ready so that is going to be my next move if it happens again along with a meeting with the Principal. In the meantime we told DS to be assertive, if you need to go you get that hand up there or approach her to be excused until you are recognized.

@StephanieLynn I am glad it looks like this will be resolved in a straightforward manner. However, I would get that doctor's note in your possession ready just in case.
Your DS knows he is loved and it is priceless having loving supportive and caring parents and one nasty bad egg teacher isn't going to ruin that.(((Hugs))).

 

[lyra]

Well, you are far more understanding and fair than I would have been! When my girls were in school, I never hesitated to call out teachers on things. Probably came off as a nut case, but once you get me riled, you're in for a tongue lashing. Thankfully there were only a couple of issues. I hope this can be considered cleared up now for your son's sake. What a ridiculous issue.

 

[Bonfire]

@StephanieLynn I’m so sorry your ds is having to indure this treatment. Your handling of the situation so far has been exemplary. I’ve been in your shoes so I know how upsetting this is to deal with. I hope this can be resolved without further retaliation directed towards ds, but your eyes are wide open and any further inappropriate behavior from her and it’s guns blazing!(figuratively speaking that is!)

 

[Calliecake]

Stephanie, I’m sorry you are having to deal with this at all. I would also start with the teacher first. Hopefully this won’t happen again.

I do have to wonder about any person who treated a child this way.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@missy, yes that's the plan, to have the note ready for the next time, something tells me there will probably be one

@lyra, why is it impossible for us to send our kids to school without issue? And I hear you about really going off, believe me I want to...lots of wine lol!

@Bonfire, thanks for your well wishes and I did get a chuckle at figurative guns blazing lol. Where are the days of just dealing with kid bullies? Now we have teacher bullies, teachers getting cozy with students, it's just all too much

 

[babs23r]

Please keep us informed .

 

[YadaYadaYada]

People keep you guessing, that is one thing I've learned in my almost 40 years on the planet so far.

DS approached Ms. Cook yesterday and told her that kids were not putting their computers back when they were done so she responded by giving him the job of making sure all the computers are put away and thanking him for bringing it to her attention and helping her.

Alrighty then. Well maybe our little exchange did have some positive effect, as long as she continues to treat him well that's all we care.

On a totally different note his music teacher feels he has very good potential with percussion so he is starting music lessons next week. That's a great thing because he is not a sports kid so this will help build his confidence and will be fun for him.

 

[Bonfire]

That’s great! I’m happy to hear that situation reversed itself. Good news on two fronts

 

[House Cat]

Wonderful news!


Yay for band! Such a sweet crowd of kids! My youngest was in band for years. I love his crowd of friends.

 

[the_mother_thing]

DS approached Ms. Cook yesterday and told her that kids were not putting their computers back when they were done so she responded by giving him the job of making sure all the computers are put away and thanking him for bringing it to her attention and helping her.

Is it me or does that almost feel like a veiled 'retaliatory punishment' of sorts?

How about making the kids who don't put their computers back responsible for their behavior vs making your son clean up after them? That just enables the other kids to be careless.

 

[babs23r]

People keep you guessing, that is one thing I've learned in my almost 40 years on the planet so far.

DS approached Ms. Cook yesterday and told her that kids were not putting their computers back when they were done so she responded by giving him the job of making sure all the computers are put away and thanking him for bringing it to her attention and helping her.

Alrighty then. Well maybe our little exchange did have some positive effect, as long as she continues to treat him well that's all we care.

On a totally different note his music teacher feels he has very good potential with percussion so he is starting music lessons next week. That's a great thing because he is not a sports kid so this will help build his confidence and will be fun for him.

Any way that works.... Now she will see him in a different light, as a responsible student. Should the other students put their computers back? Sure, but your son used it to his advantage with this mean teacher! I'm sure the email didn't hurt either!

 

[SylviaF]

My oldest was in the public school system, in their advanced program, until fourth grade, and we sadly went through a couple of similar experiences. Her social studies teacher in the 4th grade was the straw that broke the camel’s back. When It was time to hand out the results of a quiz, she would call out some of the kids names, and made them stand out in the hallway, without saying why. DD thought she’d failed the quiz or gotten in trouble, and would get anxiety and stomach aches. Her anxiety around this lady got so bad she actually started performing worse in quizzes, even though she was a straight A student. I went in to talk to her and she told me, amongst other things, that DD had a low level of thinking, no reasoning skills, etc. Like @Matthews1127 son’s music teacher, this lady had a “reputation” in the district.

Anyway, we started homeschooling at the end of 4th grade and never looked back. Fast forward to today, DD is an independent learner in 10th grade, working at the college level in all subjects and an all-around awesome kid who spends most of her time volunteering and acting in theater. I guess her “low level of thinking” has served her well. History is still her least favorite subject though.

One of DD’s closest friends, in public high school, contracted a UTI last year, needing antibiotics, etc. because of a similar situation where the teacher wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@the_mother_thing, I agree that the kids should make sure they are putting things away but this is something DS enjoys, being helpful. He was excited about having a new responsibility and didn't feel negatively about it at all. We've always taught him to help even if others aren't, now at home of course it can be a different story!

@babs23r, right that was pretty much the feeling about this new found responsibility of his. She is not off the radar though, we are keeping a very close eye and ear!

@omd21, good for you for deciding to
homeschool and it turning out so well, I'm glad your daughter did so well despite that terrible treatment.

I don't get this whole bathroom thing, it should be a right not a privilege.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@House Cat, do you mind me asking what your youngest played and did he/she stick with it all through high school?

Funny thing is they initially put him in choir before he told them he had signed up for band, he was not a bit happy about potentially singing in front of people!

 

[House Cat]

@House Cat, do you mind me asking what your youngest played and did he/she stick with it all through high school?

Funny thing is they initially put him in choir before he told them he had signed up for band, he was not a bit happy about potentially singing in front of people!

My son has always played guitar.

The two years in elementary school band, he played trombone. When he got to middle school, they offered bass. He knew the notes from reading the bass line when playing trombone and he knew how to play guitar. It was a good fit

He just quit band this year because he felt bored playing bass in a large band. It’s a lot of slow one note stuff.

He still takes guitar lessons.

I say, allow your child to choose. They are more likely to stay with it if they feel like it is their hobby and not something they’re being told to do.

 

[lyra]

I'm glad to hear that your son LIKES this new responsibility! I was a bit concerned that this was one of those backhanded issues where one person does their work faster, so they're given more work, instead of just praise or a change in policy. I'm sure many of us have been bitten by that bug in our work lives. My oldest daughter is famous for being piled on when bosses see how competent she is. But this case seems mutually beneficial, so that's great!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@House Cat, that advice is so important, I feel like I pushed him too hard with running and he didn't enjoy it as a result. Lesson learned.

It's great he has stuck with guitar, he obviously really enjoys it. The trombone is a pretty cool instrument but I could see how bass might get monotonous. Who knows maybe he will be in his own band someday!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@lyra that is a frustrating situation for your daughter but maybe down the line the bosses will remember and it will work in her favor.

I'm hoping the teacher is trying to turn things around and get off on a better foot. Maybe she is used to kids that cause trouble and uninvolved parents or parents that constantly work against her.

Funny thing today is he has a loose tooth and it started bleeding during math class of course. So he got so flustered that he said:

Ms. Tooth may I go the nurse my cook is falling out?

Lol!

 

[rainydaze]

(I do that often with my words. My DH's band is engraved with "Fest Briend" bc I do it so much. I had to make sure the engraver knew it wasn't a mistake - I wanted it that way!)

I am trying to stay on the positive side by believing (hoping) that her move with the computers is a good thing. However, my gut reaction to it though was that it was more a subtle punishment masked as a good thing. Why is it his responsibility to clean up everyone else's mess? Shouldn't she be encouraging ALL of her students to be responsible for themselves and the equipment they use? Shouldn't she believe they are all capable of rising to the occasion, rather than having one kid make their lives easier for them?

 

[House Cat]

@House Cat, that advice is so important, I feel like I pushed him too hard with running and he didn't enjoy it as a result. Lesson learned.

It's great he has stuck with guitar, he obviously really enjoys it. The trombone is a pretty cool instrument but I could see how bass might get monotonous. Who knows maybe he will be in his own band someday!

I don’t hound him about practicing either. This is reverse psychology. You see...I really love that he plays guitar but I also know he will push back if I make him practice.

Now, he plays for hours a day. He plays when he’s happy to celebrate. He plays when he’s angry to let off steam. He plays when he’s sad.....

There are picks all over my house. Come to think of it, there are guitars and cases all over my house! See?


He still plays bass too, just in a more fast paced way. He also plays ukulele.


The band kids are a great group of people. I was a choir kid my whole life and by default we ran with the band kids and the drama kids. As an adult, I look back and see that this group of kids was a great group of kids to grow up with. They were wholesome and goal oriented. They came from good families. The most trouble they ever got into was staying up all night and watching Monty python.

Oh and if he’s nervous about performing, maybe drums or bass would be good for him. They always sit in the back.

I’m really happy this is all working out for your son. There is nothing more stressful and heartbreaking than when a teacher makes the decision to bully a child. I’m glad you aren’t going through this.

 

[Ellen]

@lyra that is a frustrating situation for your daughter but maybe down the line the bosses will remember and it will work in her favor.

I'm hoping the teacher is trying to turn things around and get off on a better foot. Maybe she is used to kids that cause trouble and uninvolved parents or parents that constantly work against her.

Funny thing today is he has a loose tooth and it started bleeding during math class of course. So he got so flustered that he said:

Ms. Tooth may I go the nurse my cook is falling out?

Lol!

 

[House Cat]

@lyra that is a frustrating situation for your daughter but maybe down the line the bosses will remember and it will work in her favor.

I'm hoping the teacher is trying to turn things around and get off on a better foot. Maybe she is used to kids that cause trouble and uninvolved parents or parents that constantly work against her.

Funny thing today is he has a loose tooth and it started bleeding during math class of course. So he got so flustered that he said:

Ms. Tooth may I go the nurse my cook is falling out?

Lol!

Your son sounds like such a cutie pie.

 

[arkieb1]

I'm glad you have hopefully resolved the situation. I would have phoned the school asked to speak to the Principal and stated my son has a medical condition that means sometimes he needs to go to the toilet in class time. Is there some reason his teacher seems to have a problem with that? And hey presto it probably would have been sorted. Legally once you say medical problem to the school they can no longer act like they haven't been told about the issue in fact put it in writing and submit your doctors note to the school office.

On the flip side as a former teacher of 12 to 18 year olds the toilet rules are there to help protect students. I used to get kids asking to go to the toilet and they would go and smoke, disappear for 40 minutes, walk around the school causing trouble like trying to set fire to things, leave the school grounds without telling their parents or the school where they were going and a whole bunch of scenarios that are not good ones. Teachers are responsible for the whereabouts of your children, so is the school so sometimes it's about making them aware your kid isn't being a class avoiding dickhead or trying to cause mischief and that they do actually have a medical issue. Once you say those words then everyone clearly understands.

I have a 10 year old, I see both sides of the coin.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@rainydaze, that is too funny and also endearing how your DH's wedding band is engraved.

I know that there is the potential for this new "job" he has to become something negative, I am hopeful and perhaps overly optimistic.

So @House Cat, how do I go about encouraging without nagging. Do I avoid telling him he needs to practice? I was thinking 20 minutes of practice a day would be good but now I'm second guessing.

@arkieb1, I understand about teachers having to keep track and there are kids that abuse going to the bathroom or even the nurse to get out of class. My next step will be the Principal with the note from the doctor in hand if it comes to that.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Some clarity on DS actual "job", the kids are putting the computers away and then he checks to make sure they are in the right spot.

Also the tooth fell out today, in science, not with Ms. Tooth lol!

 

[arkieb1]

I think you have handled the situation well given the circumstances if there are any further issues then, I would give the doctors note to the school and talk to the Principal.

The classroom teacher might not have been even aware your son had an issue some kids put their hands up for no reason just to get a reaction out of teachers and she might not have even taken in that he really wanted or needed to go to the toilet if she was focused on other behavioural children in the room. Younger less experienced teachers sometimes take a while get a good grip on classroom management.