Teacher won't let son use the bathroom

[YadaYadaYada]

@Matthews1127 that is just terrible that she is the reason he gave up the viola...ugh. Good for you for sticking up to her!

Pretty much I'm just playing the nice game for now but I don't like her, I didn't like her from the day she first made an issue of him asking to go to the bathroom. Really what is the issue? Ugh I swear some people should not be teachers!!

 

[canuk-gal]

Pretty much I'm just playing the nice game for now but I don't like her, I didn't like her from the day she first made an issue of him asking to go to the bathroom. Really what is the issue? Ugh I swear some people should not be teachers!![/QUOTE]

SL: You are correct--there is NO issue! All of this heartbreak is completely unnecessary. Hoping things unfold in a positive way.

Sending positive vibes your family's way.

kind regards--Sharon

 

[Matthews1127]

@Matthews1127 that is just terrible that she is the reason he gave up the viola...ugh. Good for you for sticking up to her!

Pretty much I'm just playing the nice game for now but I don't like her, I didn't like her from the day she first made an issue of him asking to go to the bathroom. Really what is the issue? Ugh I swear some people should not be teachers!!

I love your approach. Had this orchestra teacher not already had a ruthless reputation in the district, I probably would have handled her differently. I heard horror stories about her the summer before my son started 5th grade. My son has never been a behavioral problem, and is extremely respectful; that’s all I’ve ever heard about him, his entire life! For this brutally wicked & extremely insecure witch to make a mockery of my son was just outright unjustified, and deliberately spirit-breaking. She should be thankful that exchange took place over the phone & not in person. Too many parents were afraid to make waves, in spite of how bone crushing her words were to their children. She messed with the wrong woman’s kid!!

 

[yennyfire]

I think you’ve been given great advice and I think that your email was factual, calm and appropriate. At least if this doesn’t resolve it and you have to go to the Principal, you’ve attempted to go through proper channels.

My two are in middle school (6th and 8th) and it really is a tough age. Physically and emotionally, there’s just so much going on. It’s infuriating that this teacher is adding to the stress.

Please keep us posted. Your son is lucky to have you in his corner!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Excellent email!!! Perfect way to start. Hopefully she's smart and will solve this problem. If she's not, then she'll be sorry.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Thank you ladies for your support and well wishes!

So I just got a phone call from none other than Ms Cook herself! What did she have to say? A bunch of nonsense excuses:

"I must not have seen him"
"I wouldn't intentionally single him out"
and on and on (except remember that she did make that snarky comment that first time he asked to go)

I played the understanding, nice and sympathetic parent but you know inside I was thinking she needed a shovel to dig herself out of all the crap she was wading through. Anyways not sure how it's going to play out but at least now she is on notice and knows we are paying attention. Bullies sometimes back down when you fight back so maybe (hopefully for my son's sake) this is the end of it.

You guys are all wonderful and I thank each of you for weighing in and offering suggestions!

 

[KristinTech]

A phone call! I hope this is the end of it for your son! Probably having the doctor’s note on file is still a good idea. How crazy that they have a large block of time with no suitable bathroom break.

 

[Matthews1127]

A phone call! I hope this is thebwndbifnitbfoenyour son! Probably having the doctor’s kotenon fikenis still a good idea. How crazy that they have a large block of time with no suitable bathroom break.

I was thinking the same thing: 3 class periods, 20 mins each...there should be intermissions between each 20 min interval, allowing students to take a 5 min break to go to the restroom or get a drink at a nearby water fountain. Dear God!

 

[babs23r]

My son is a music teacher who plays clarinet and piano and is looking for a full time job! So frustrating in this area of the country!!!!!!!!!
Maybe he could replace that mean music teacher!!!!!!@Matthews 1127

 

[babs23r]

You are all so wonderful with your suggestions. Just to clarify a couple of you who asked about changing teachers, teachers at his school are grouped into teams, I'm not sure if that means that he would have to change teams completely rather than just one teacher. Also during these long four period blocks there is no break in between which is kind of crazy since that is a long time.

I've read every one of your posts, sorry I didn't respond to you individually but after dinner things get crazy around here! To those that suggested an email to the teacher to clarify bathroom procedures, that's the route we chose first and this is the email that was sent:

"Dear Ms. Cook

Our son **** is a student in your math class, this is his first year in the ******** school system and math is one of his favorite subjects, he is very excited about the upcoming year in your class.

I wanted to reach out to clarify what your classroom policy is regarding students using the bathroom? **** has explained that there have been two occasions when he has used the proper hand signal and has not been excused to use the facilities. He has expressed that this makes him very uncomfortable and I would think that this discomfort may become a hinderance to concentrating on the lesson at hand. Also his pediatrician has told me that he needs to be excused when asked to prevent a possible infection or other adverse health effects.

Education is paramount and we have the utmost respect for educators like yourself preparing our young children for a vigorous academic future. Respectfully, I ask that you please excuse him when he asks and in turn we will also ask that he not abuse or otherwise compromise your classroom policies"

So let's see where that gets us, I figure best to reach out to her first and then escalate from there if needed. Do I think she is totally wrong and demented? Yes. However we are going to start with this approach and hope we get more bees with honey

Nice email. If an incident happens one more time....I would declare war.

 

[Matthews1127]

My son is a music teacher who plays clarinet and piano and is looking for a full time job! So frustrating in this area of the country!!!!!!!!!
Maybe he could replace that mean music teacher!!!!!!@Matthews 1127

We’d love to have him! Mrs. Irwin is an old, dried up crow, who needs to go! Our district is one of few left around here that still has a music program, and she threatens its very existence just by being employed, here! The 7th-8th grade orchestra teacher is LOVELY...if you survive Irwin’s class, and still love to play. What does that say?!? Politics keeps that old bat in that classroom, but you better believe she crosses the street, when she sees me coming!

 

[babs23r]

Let me know when she leaves!!!! he’ll send you his resume.
He would NEVER say anything like that to a student. She sounds sadistic.

 

[Matthews1127]

Let me know when she leaves!!!! he’ll send you his resume.
He would NEVER say anything like that to a student. She sounds sadistic.

Very troubled, for sure. These are 10/11 yr old children, and a grown woman, at that time, at least in her 50’s, acting like a teenager on a playground with some chip on her shoulder. She got a HUGE dose of her own medicine, the day she dialed my phone number & I answered. I was brutally honest & told her about herself. I also reminded her who her REAL employer was...ME! MY tax dollars pay her salary, therefore, she belonged to ME...and she would do what I said, and as I expected, or she was fired.
If you are a grown adult, ACT LIKE IT! OWN your mistakes; don’t make excuses!! I felt like I was the referee between two children; she was far from an adult. She learned a lot about herself, that day...I took her to school!

 

[Matthews1127]

@babs23r, the moment that position is open, I’ll be here, looking for you!!!

 

[babs23r]

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Old dried up crow

@Matthews1127, you crack me up girl

 

[Matthews1127]

Old dried up crow

@Matthews1127, you crack me up girl

lol!!
Trying to keep it clean...lol!!

I have true distain for this woman. My son is graduated & enjoying his first year of college, right now, and I still want to claw that bat’s eyes out! She’s just hateful. That’s the first word that comes to mind. Miserable, insecure & hateful. I was in my 30’s at the time this all happened. She was MUCH older than I, and it showed. No excuse for a near senior citizen to pick on little kids. None.
If your son’s teacher plays the excuses game, stomp her into the floor, where she stands!! She needs to BE AN ADULT and OWN her own actions! If she doesn’t, MAKE HER.
I told Irwin that my son thought she hated him. She denied ever feeling that way, and I quickly jumped in & told her that it was HER job to SHOW him that she didn’t. Don’t tell ME you don’t hate him...PROVE IT TO HIM! I’m not in the classroom with her...he is! Put on your big girl panties, admit you are a pos with a huge case of diarrhea of the mouth, get that under control & do your job!!! Give him the freedom to express his love of music, and let him entertain you with his gift!!
Most parents turn the tv up, when their kid is learning how to play a stringed instrument! I turned the volume DOWN on my tv, just to listen to him play, upstairs in his room...without knowing I was even listening. I LOVED to hear him play; he was outstanding. Brought me to tears. I was devastated when he gave it up.
For those of you who are not familiar, the viola is the harmonic brother to the violin; it’s the guy in the background. Not so easily heard by most. Usually, the melody stands out, and the majority of the world hears that frequency most often.
I took my 4th grader to see Phantom of the Opera. The moment the music played, he sat up in his chair, and whispered in my ear, “I can hear my instrument, and it’s beautiful!” He tapped his little fingers on his legs, closed his eyes & just let it all soak in. He breathed every note, and his heart beat to every song. We bought the soundtrack, and for Halloween, that year, he was the phantom.
That woman took something extremely special, and she destroyed it.
She’s more than a dried up old crow, but I’ll be nice, today...lol!

 

[KristinTech]

@Matthews1127 My 10-year-old chose Phantom for her figure skating routine last year! I love the pics of your son.

 

[lovedogs]

I am SO sorry this is happening. I, like @AGBF , had to leave the thread before responding because I was so furious I couldn't formulate a response without getting banned.

That teacher is AWFUL, but I think you guys did the right thing by sending the email, and obviously since she called you know she heard you. She knows that you know about her BS, and essentially that she's "on notice". I agree that some teachers are sad bullies who want to take out their frustration on children. And by letting her know that you and your son aren't going to tolerate her nonsense, it might end. But if it doesn't, you can report her for child abuse. She literally cannot do that.

Wishing you and your son the best!!!

 

[Matthews1127]

@Matthews1127 My 10-year-old chose Phantom for her figure skating routine last year! I love the pics of your son.

It’s a beautiful & deep soundtrack. My little guy listened to that music all the time.....even started to learn it...WITHOUT sheet music. He stuck it out through 6th grade, mainly because the kids were told they’d get sheet music to Pirates of the Caribbean. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on that book...lol!!!
I’m sure your daughter had a lovely routine to the music; graceful & beautiful. Memories you’ll never forget.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

That's probably the worst thing an adult can do to a child...crush their spirit, I'm so sorry @Matthews1127 that happened to your son.

Ms, Cook has a superiority complex for certain but I've always taught my son to be respectful but stick up for yourself and don't be a victim, also just because an adult tells you something doesn't make it right. This is so important and he knows as long as he is truthful with me I will always go to bat for him, not fight every battle but I will be there when needed.

She doesn't fool me, but if she thinks she does then we have the upper hand. I see you lady, I got your number

 

[babs23r]

@Matthews1127 What a precious child! It is every teachers duty to nurture and cultivate each child’s talent. Makes me so mad to hear about the one or two rotten apples in the bunch.

 

[Matthews1127]

That's probably the worst thing an adult can do to a child...crush their spirit, I'm so sorry @Matthews1127 that happened to your son.

Ms, Cook has a superiority complex for certain but I've always taught my son to be respectful but stick up for yourself and don't be a victim, also just because an adult tells you something doesn't make it right. This is so important and he knows as long as he is truthful with me I will always go to bat for him, not fight every battle but I will be there when needed.

She doesn't fool me, but if she thinks she does then we have the upper hand. I see you lady, I got your number

ABSOLUTELY!
It’s a shame this dialogue even exists; so many parents who have experienced some sort of mishap with an EDUCATOR!
It’s like, all you want to do is walk into the classroom & say, “What’s wrong with you?? Teach your class & let the poor boy PEE!!” GAH! It’s 5 minutes, for crying out loud!!
I’m a hood rat city girl, and I probably would tell my son that the lines of respect are drawn. Once they’re crossed, it’s ON! “The next time you “signal” you gotta go, and she “conveniently ignores you”, go pee in her waste can. We’ll see who’s not paying attention, then!”

 

[marymm]

FWIW, if I were you, I'd email the teacher once more, by forwarding your initial email, and state that you just wanted to take a moment to thank her for her phone call today. Let her know you have reviewed the bathroom protocol with your son and have passed on the teacher's assurances that she must have overlooked his hand signal and that of course your son should feel free to request bathroom privileges whenever he feels it necessary and the teacher will immediately grant him leave. And close the email by indicating you appreciate her responsiveness and that you and your son are both pleased to put this behind you.

This 2nd email will serve to document the telephone conversation and thus also as a written record, should there be any future incidents. I am sure the teacher will also realize the 2nd email's true purpose even while its content is seemingly innocuous.

You are a good mom, and I hope things go well in math for your son!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@marymm, I wouldn't have thought of that but it's a great idea, thank you so much!

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

We only dealt with one teacher with control issues when my kids were in school. Finally she got around to picking on our child. When a teacher is being unreasonable, it is the natural reaction for a reasonable parent to want to "win" that teacher over by using logic and being "nice". I am glad I had friends who had issues with that teacher in the past and were able to share their stories. Being logical and reasonable did not work with this teacher. She was a true bully.

Long story short- we went to see this teacher. My husband and I went together. With smiles on our faces we told her that our child was to be treated in a very respectful way. We never got loud, we did not get emotional. We did however insist on this. We had to repeat ourselves quite a few times but the message was we were not going to go away if the situation did not improve and we were not fooled by her excuses. The situation improved immediately.

My advice is to not ever let a bully play games with your child and do not let them play games with you. For example, if the teacher says "I didn't mean it that way" the response is "nevertheless that is what you said." When they say "You are taking this the wrong way" the response is "no, I am taking it the way you presented it." Say it with a smile, but don't give them an inch.

 

[Queenie60]

I would suggest you set up a meeting with the teacher and principal. You need to get to the bottom of this and to let them know that you're backing up your son on this one. What a bit........

 

[monarch64]

From an employee of our public school corporation: "eah, this is not cool. My students know to tell me when they need to go to the restroom. TELL me. Not ask. I don't know their bladders or intestines and I'm not about to risk that kind of mess and embarrassment for one of my kids. I know many teachers think that kids will use that kind of freedom irresponsibly, but guess what? 90% of the time, if you respect a kid, they'll respect you back. And the other 10%? It xan be figured out."

You aren't the only one!

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

@StephanieLynn you handled this very gracefully. The most important point is for your son to know that you stand behind him 100% and set an example how to handle difficult situations like this in an adult way (politely but firmly and effectively).
Great job!!!!!!!

Now on to the teacher: NOT OK!!!! Petty , petty , petty to be of such low character to make someone dependant on you feel your power so immediately. It's not only the physical side, it's torture for a child this age to fear the ultimate ridicule . Sadistic is the right word.

Many of my friends are teachers , I generally respect this profession and any pedagogic staff tremendously, but some (very few) are in the wrong job, attracted by the notion of power over children.

(We've had this situation 2 years ago , when a school assistant told my then 7 y/o, VERY rule abiding girl to "just s$#t your pants" . Her real teacher had her removed from the school)

 

[MarionC]

Go get her, exactly. I wasn’t going to go into it, but my dd had a similar issue in first grade and the teacher humiliated her. It bothers dd to this day that she was singled out like that. Teachers who do things like this are shaming children, which can affect children long beyond the incidents.
Another time, in gym, a boy hit dd in the face with a basketball and her glasses made a circular cut around her eye.
The principal poo-pooed that the boy was agressive, said he was « a good kid ».
The kid later got arrested for rape.
I wish I had been a tiger mother in those days and protected my dd more agressively. I did try to help, but I should have been fierce.