Talking about your child all the time...

[AllieLuv83]

New post from the mom "My baby is so advanced (she''s 4 months) we will find out tomorrow just how advanced she is when we see the doctor, hes pretty impressed so far" this is all to her posting a picture of the baby sleeping on her side.

I am so not a bragger, I feel so humble most of the time. I feel like the bragging only enrages me more!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:38:42 AM
Author: AllieLuv83
New post from the mom 'My baby is so advanced (she's 4 months) we will find out tomorrow just how advanced she is when we see the doctor, hes pretty impressed so far' this is all to her posting a picture of the baby sleeping on her side.

I am so not a bragger, I feel so humble most of the time. I feel like the bragging only enrages me more!

Oh dear...

ETA: That is sweet of you TGal. Honestly the one thing I hope Daisy is 'gifted' at is getting on with other people. Emotional Intelligence is one of the greatest skills and far more useful than being able to read at 7 months. Lack of it is a major handicap in life.

 

[ChinaCat]

Mer- You will become one of those women, to SOME degree- you can't help it, it is such a life-changing experience AND it is all-consuming for the first few months that it may be all you have to talk about.

But you are a lovely, intelligent, interesting woman in your own right (and since I've met you, I can actually say that!) and you will find the right boundary b/w your role as a new mom versus becoming "only" someone's mom.

I find with friends that are moms- we do talk about our kids most of the time. But we do talk about other things, and I always make a point of asking about something OTHER than their kid. And for friends that don't have kids, I don't share unless they ask or it's something major.

As for FB- really the only reason I joined was to see pics of my friends' kids and to share mine so I don't have to send out mass emails. Those that overshare about their kids to me are on the same par as those that overshare about their lives (detailed updates on what they ate, ordered at Starbux, or myopic political rantings). I either hide or ignore what/who I don't care to read. So if you don't care about other people's kids, scroll on!

As for competition- what's funny to me is that by some age, NONE of these early milestones will matter. Say my kid is 7. Are we really going to know/care who of his friends crawled first? It will have NO bearing on how smart, considerate, hard-working or tall my kid is. Btw, he started crawling really early and is CLEARLY a genius.

But OTOH, he is only in the 6th% for weight, so maybe he will never learn to read.

Clear correlation, right?

ETA- I LIVE for pics of Sophia and Daisy so don't you dare stop sharing! And Tgal, I have to say, I think Amelia is really beautiful. I haven't seen pics of her in awhile, but I think I saw your profile pic on FB and she's going to be a beauty. And then there is Tessa aka queen of the PS babies!

 

[waxing lyrical]

Date: 3/16/2010 8:28:33 AM
Author: rockpaperscissors67
I think when I meet another mom, I''m one of those that talks a LOT about my kids! The main reason is that if the other person is also a mom, that''s easy common ground. The other reason is that most of my funny stories have to do with the kids and I fall back on humor when I''m not completely comfortable (happens a lot when I meet new people).


There are plenty of other things I could talk about, but I feel like either the other person would be bored out of their skull or totally not interested. For example, I *love* my job, but how interested would you be hearing about work that involves writing user manuals and training materials for software? Yeah, me neither. I also find that most other women don''t share my other interests, which include golf, going to the shooting range, reading horror/mystery books and watching the same types of movies. Heck, I can''t even talk to other women about jewelry because the women I know are simply not interested.


At work, I don''t talk about my kids that often, even though our company is really family friendly. I worry that too much kid talk will make me appear less professional. I worked at home for much of my pregnancy because I hated that so many conversations with co-workers involved my pregnancy. I appreciated their concern, but answering the same questions over and over got old fast.


As for FB...I have loads of pics of the kids on there and very few of me because apparently I''m the only one in the family that knows how to operate my camera. I have TWO pictures of me and the baby (and in one, I''m not even holding the baby!) and he''s 6 weeks old.


Meresal, I don''t think you have to worry about becoming one of those moms because you''re aware of the problem. It''s good to remember that even when you''re a mom, you''re still YOU.

We have a lot in common.

I don''t really have a close circle of friends. Being a military family we move too much. Most of my good friends live several hundred to a couple thousand miles away.

I don''t talk about my kids much unless I''m around other mothers that I share like-minds with. I''m uber crunchy so what I end up talking about kills conversations. I usually end up talking about pregnancy/birthing and cloth diapering.

My big interests are not very popular with my IRL friends. I''m big into debating, especially religion. I love ''guy'' movies. Give me a sci fi or action/thriller over a romantic-comedy any day. I prefer nonfiction over romance novels. I''m not very mushy-gushy.

P.S., Henry is 11 weeks old and I only have one or two pictures of us together. I''m always the photographer. Plus I hate being photographed.

 

[Mandarine]

Oh my...

I am somewhat one of these women

I do try to limit it though, depending on who I''m talking to!. That''s why I LOVE the mommy group I found...as well as the PS moms!!! I get all my baby talk out of the way

Facebook...GUILTY too!. It''s terrible and I know it''s annoying....so I will try to limit it now that I read what some people have to say!. No, I don''t say my babies are super gifted...but I do often (ok, VERY often) post pictures of them and mention how cute they are. I just simply can''t help myself!!!!! They are just irresistible

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 3/17/2010 10:05:41 PM
Author: Mandarine
Oh my...

I am somewhat one of these women

I do try to limit it though, depending on who I''m talking to!. That''s why I LOVE the mommy group I found...as well as the PS moms!!! I get all my baby talk out of the way

Facebook...GUILTY too!. It''s terrible and I know it''s annoying....so I will try to limit it now that I read what some people have to say!. No, I don''t say my babies are super gifted...but I do often (ok, VERY often) post pictures of them and mention how cute they are. I just simply can''t help myself!!!!! They are just irresistible

I LOVE seeing pics of the boys. LOVE IT!! Especially when you post pics of you and the boys together or when they are smiling at each other. So cute

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:38:42 AM
Author: AllieLuv83
New post from the mom ''My baby is so advanced (she''s 4 months) we will find out tomorrow just how advanced she is when we see the doctor, hes pretty impressed so far'' this is all to her posting a picture of the baby sleeping on her side.

wow.. I wonder if this is some sort of baby-induced-detachment-from-reality! does that exist ? Advanced at 4 months old? what is she advanced at doing? crying, pooping and eating?

 

[bee*]

I think it''s all about knowing your target audience-if you''re with other mothers, then I''m sure it''s fine to talk about your child a lot. If you''re hanging around with your single or childless friends, then I wouldn''t over indulge in child talk.

 

[softly softly]

ETA: That is sweet of you TGal. Honestly the one thing I hope Daisy is ''gifted'' at is getting on with other people. Emotional Intelligence is one of the greatest skills and far more useful than being able to read at 7 months. Lack of it is a major handicap in life.[/quote]


Pandora I can relate. Throughout his toddlerhood my 5 year old son consistently displayed accelerated development in some areas such as reading and counting, and had (has) a real love of reading, writing and maths. Like you I was more concerned that he was also developing his emotional intelligence and that his social skills were age-appropriate. I think perhaps I may have taken this concern slightly too far.

I consistently downplayed his development to other mothers who would comment on how clever he was by emphasising the things he wasn''t doing and I was so afraid of turning into one of those braggart mothers I realise now that I perhaps made him anxious about displaying his knowledge. He just started primary school this year and within weeks I realised that he didn''t want to let his teacher know that he can read, or that he knows his times tables etc. It''s not that I want a big deal made of him at school, and in all honesty I have no idea if he is a gifted child, or if he simply finds some things easier to learn but I realise now I need to be more encouraging of the things he does do well so he gains the confidence to be proud of them himself.

It''s hard because here in Australia we are raised to think that being proud of ourselves and our abilities is in poor taste. The only skills that are universally and openly celebrated are sporting skills.

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:30:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Therein lies the difference.

Nearly everyone can relate to relationship drama. People are more interested in hearing about what's going on in the world of dating than a world completely foreign to them if they are not parents.

I think this is actually more like...say...a birdwatcher droning on and on about all the different species and habits of the chirping buggers to someone who couldn't really give a crap.

I'm going to firmly and passionately disagree that these two groups are actually the same. Having experience at something versus having an interest in something are two completely different things, and they are not mutually exclusive.

I am not a parent, that's true. However, I have been projectile vomited on. I have sat up all night long with a sick child. I've spent more hours on the floor playing with children than I can count. To suggest that day-to-day events are completely foreign to all but bonafide parents is presumtive and honestly a bit offensive. To suggest that someone can't be interested in the everyday moments that involve children just because they haven't had their own is short-sighted.

I know you don't mean it in this way because I know you and your good heart. I am, though, pointing it out for people who may not realize that all it takes to be interested in what some would call 'minutae" is just that......interest! In fact, I'd go a step further and say that for some people, not having their own children makes them MORE interested precisely because they don't have their own.

I cannot tell you the number of times someone has 'assumed' that I'd lack interest in hearing about something because I don't have children myself, and even though it wasn't intended, it certainly felt exclusionary just the same. I do realize, of course, that there are some things I cannot fully appreciate without experience....for instance, I can't know how first-hand how powerful it feels to love a son or daughter. I can't know exactly how strong the desire is to protect one's own offspring. But that doesn't mean that I cannot celebrate the sheer joy and triumph when the child of a close friend finally 'gets' potty-training or forms his first full sentence. Those are life moments that are meaningful, and they can be appreciated by non-parents IF they are interested. I'm very interested in children of people I consider friends (which is why I frequent the PS threads I do); I'm just not interested in having my own or necessarily interested in children of casual acquaintenances.

Hest really hit the nail on the head: "I think the point in proper social interaction is to make sure you're being sufficiently interested in the other person/people, and to pick up social cues to make sure *whatever* subject you're talking about isn't getting boring."

Loosely translated: Instead of assuming my level of interest (or disinterest) based sheerly on my own status, look at whether or not I actually show an interest.

Also, as others pointed out, most people quickly grow tired of any topic if it's the ONLY topic - even when it's something they like. I like photography, but if that's all someone could talk about non-stop, I'd have a hard time maintaining interest.

Just a humble perspective from a non-parent.

 

[zoebartlett]

I agree with Alj. I am very passionate about children, and I treat any child I come into contact with (at work or family/friends'' kids) as if he/she was my own in the time I''m with them. We may not have children -- the jury''s still out on that one. I always think it''s funny when some people I meet think that because we don''t have kids yet (in our mid-late thirties), it must be because I (or we) don''t like them enough. That couldn''t be further from the truth! I firmly believe that just because someone doesn''t have children of their own, it means that the parenting world is completely foreign to them. Yes, I know there''s a special bond between parent and child, and since I''m not a parent, I may not have quite that level of bonding. I get that, but I wouldn''t say that it''s completely foreign or that I don''t care.

 

[cdt1101]

Date: 3/18/2010 7:57:16 PM
Author: softly softly



ETA: That is sweet of you TGal. Honestly the one thing I hope Daisy is 'gifted' at is getting on with other people. Emotional Intelligence is one of the greatest skills and far more useful than being able to read at 7 months. Lack of it is a major handicap in life.

Pandora I can relate. Throughout his toddlerhood my 5 year old son consistently displayed accelerated development in some areas such as reading and counting, and had (has) a real love of reading, writing and maths. Like you I was more concerned that he was also developing his emotional intelligence and that his social skills were age-appropriate. I think perhaps I may have taken this concern slightly too far.

I consistently downplayed his development to other mothers who would comment on how clever he was by emphasising the things he wasn't doing and I was so afraid of turning into one of those braggart mothers I realise now that I perhaps made him anxious about displaying his knowledge. He just started primary school this year and within weeks I realised that he didn't want to let his teacher know that he can read, or that he knows his times tables etc. It's not that I want a big deal made of him at school, and in all honesty I have no idea if he is a gifted child, or if he simply finds some things easier to learn but I realise now I need to be more encouraging of the things he does do well so he gains the confidence to be proud of them himself.

It's hard because here in Australia we are raised to think that being proud of ourselves and our abilities is in poor taste. The only skills that are universally and openly celebrated are sporting skills. [/quote]
I think SS advise is right on. After seeing a FB video of Daisy, personally I'd say she's quite gifted (not to mention she's so cute). I still can't get over how much she's "talking". Even my DH was blown away (and that's saying something since most men don't get terribly impressed w/ other people's kids). I think the key is to just not brag (too much

), but still encourge your child to embrace their strengths.

Mandarine - Please don't stop posting pics of your boys. I love their pics and they are just so so so cute

I seriously want to just squeeze them

.

Personally, I love seeing kiddo pics on FB, I especially like the videos too since you can see their personality.

I don't mind woman talking about their kids, I just don't like when a group of woman get together and they all try to *one up* each other in regards to milestones or whatever..so annoying

 

[ksinger]

Date: 3/19/2010 1:12:56 AM
Author: Allison D.

Date: 3/15/2010 12:30:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Therein lies the difference.

Nearly everyone can relate to relationship drama. People are more interested in hearing about what''s going on in the world of dating than a world completely foreign to them if they are not parents.

I think this is actually more like...say...a birdwatcher droning on and on about all the different species and habits of the chirping buggers to someone who couldn''t really give a crap.

I''m going to firmly and passionately disagree that these two groups are actually the same. Having experience at something versus having an interest in something are two completely different things, and they are not mutually exclusive.

I am not a parent, that''s true. However, I have been projectile vomited on. I have sat up all night long with a sick child. I''ve spent more hours on the floor playing with children than I can count. To suggest that day-to-day events are completely foreign to all but bonafide parents is presumtive and honestly a bit offensive. To suggest that someone can''t be interested in the everyday moments that involve children just because they haven''t had their own is short-sighted.

I know you don''t mean it in this way because I know you and your good heart. I am, though, pointing it out for people who may not realize that all it takes to be interested in what some would call ''minutae'' is just that......interest! In fact, I''d go a step further and say that for some people, not having their own children makes them MORE interested precisely because they don''t have their own.

I cannot tell you the number of times someone has ''assumed'' that I''d lack interest in hearing about something because I don''t have children myself, and even though it wasn''t intended, it certainly felt exclusionary just the same. I do realize, of course, that there are some things I cannot fully appreciate without experience....for instance, I can''t know how first-hand how powerful it feels to love a son or daughter. I can''t know exactly how strong the desire is to protect one''s own offspring. But that doesn''t mean that I cannot celebrate the sheer joy and triumph when the child of a close friend finally ''gets'' potty-training or forms his first full sentence. Those are life moments that are meaningful, and they can be appreciated by non-parents IF they are interested. I''m very interested in children of people I consider friends (which is why I frequent the PS threads I do); I''m just not interested in having my own or necessarily interested in children of casual acquaintenances.

Hest really hit the nail on the head: ''I think the point in proper social interaction is to make sure you''re being sufficiently interested in the other person/people, and to pick up social cues to make sure *whatever* subject you''re talking about isn''t getting boring.''

Loosely translated: Instead of assuming my level of interest (or disinterest) based sheerly on my own status, look at whether or not I actually show an interest.

Also, as others pointed out, most people quickly grow tired of any topic if it''s the ONLY topic - even when it''s something they like. I like photography, but if that''s all someone could talk about non-stop, I''d have a hard time maintaining interest.

Just a humble perspective from a non-parent.

Excellent post. Especially the general observation about the social cues of boredom. Glazed and drooling should be good ones...

HOWEVER, I do disagree with the one bit. I think people who haven''t had children can imagine quite excellently, the powerful love of a parent for a child. The only difference is the immediacy of it, you know? For instance, people always say "Oh I can''t imagine the grief you must feel at the death of a parent", those who have not experienced it. But yes, you can. The thing is most people don''t WANT to imagine it and so rarely or never try. But what I occasionally and briefly allowed myself to extrapolate that I would feel upon the death of my mother prior to that event, was pretty spot on in reality. The difference being, of course, the duration of the grief, and the volition involved. But the feeling itself? I had it right.

I guess it''s that it just gets my dander up to hear the endless, "Oh, you just can''t understand until/unless you have your own children, the depth of love blah blah blah.", generally in a condescending way, if the childless person ever gets so uppity to dare to have anything remotely resembling an opinion on the topic of children. Pish posh. If I can or cannot imagine, it is a function of how good my imagination is, nothing more or less. Maybe some people just lack imagination. I''m a big believer that your capacity to love, the depth of your love, for anything or anyone, is not dependent upon an event, but upon you and only you. If it was event-driven, then the act of procreation would always result in parents who love their children and have an almost magical ability to parent, and we all know that is not the case, or at least the child abuse stats cast serious doubt on it.

 

[TravelingGal]

LOL ladies, I stand corrected! I do think you lovely ladies are more an exception than the rule, but that''s my opinion. I also want to agree that it''s the extent of the stories, and not just the minutaie itself. If it''s persistent and pervasive, it''s annoying, but any topic is!

As for the grief for death of a parent...yes, I could imagine it, but I was wrong at the depth of it. I didn''t have the best relationship with my father, and we knew his days were limited. I imagined his death many times and knew I''d feel sad, grieved, etc. When he died, I was just struck. It''s now been nearly two years and I think about him all the time. I feel his loss so much more because he really and truly isn''t here. It''s hard to explain but my dad death is something that affected me in ways I never imagined. I didn''t think it could be like this. I didn''t think the vacuum in my heart for a man who didn''t affect my daily life much at all could be this great. People told me they can''t imagine what it''s like to lose a parent, and until I lost mine did I know that no, I couldn''t truly imagine either. The moment he died, the grief itself was so deep and acute, it surprised me. I understand now why people scream, throw their bodies on the deceased and wail "NOOO!" (My mom did that by the way). You just can''t believe it the moment you physically see life slip away. For all the mental preparation I did for his death, I couldn''t grasp that one minute he was breathing and trying to look at my mother, and the next he left us forever. It''s surreal. I''ve never felt anything like it.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 3/19/2010 1:48:24 PM
Author: TravelingGal
LOL ladies, I stand corrected! I do think you lovely ladies are more an exception than the rule, but that's my opinion. I also want to agree that it's the extent of the stories, and not just the minutaie itself. If it's persistent and pervasive, it's annoying, but any topic is!


As for the grief for death of a parent...yes, I could imagine it, but I was wrong at the depth of it. I didn't have the best relationship with my father, and we knew his days were limited. I imagined his death many times and knew I'd feel sad, grieved, etc. When he died, I was just struck. It's now been nearly two years and I think about him all the time. I feel his loss so much more because he really and truly isn't here. It's hard to explain but my dad death is something that affected me in ways I never imagined. I didn't think it could be like this. I didn't think the vacuum in my heart for a man who didn't affect my daily life much at all could be this great. People told me they can't imagine what it's like to lose a parent, and until I lost mine did I know that no, I couldn't truly imagine either. The moment he died, the grief itself was so deep and acute, it surprised me. I understand now why people scream, throw their bodies on the deceased and wail 'NOOO!' (My mom did that by the way). You just can't believe it the moment you physically see life slip away. For all the mental preparation I did for his death, I couldn't grasp that one minute he was breathing and trying to look at my mother, and the next he left us forever. It's surreal. I've never felt anything like it.

Gosh TGal, this just made me so sad to read--you describe it so acutely. I am scared for the day I will have to experience this, I know I will not handle it well.

And I do have to agree-one cannot imagine the depth of emotion from certain events. That's not to say that others' should give attitude about it, but there are elements that don't come into play until you are in the emotional throes of whatever it is.

 

[zoebartlett]

TGal -- I apologize if I sounded harsh in my earlier post. I wasn''t angry, and I didn''t mean for it to come across that way.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 3/19/2010 8:22:19 AM
Author: cdt1101

Date: 3/18/2010 7:57:16 PM
Author: softly softly



ETA: That is sweet of you TGal. Honestly the one thing I hope Daisy is ''gifted'' at is getting on with other people. Emotional Intelligence is one of the greatest skills and far more useful than being able to read at 7 months. Lack of it is a major handicap in life.

Pandora I can relate. Throughout his toddlerhood my 5 year old son consistently displayed accelerated development in some areas such as reading and counting, and had (has) a real love of reading, writing and maths. Like you I was more concerned that he was also developing his emotional intelligence and that his social skills were age-appropriate. I think perhaps I may have taken this concern slightly too far.

I consistently downplayed his development to other mothers who would comment on how clever he was by emphasising the things he wasn''t doing and I was so afraid of turning into one of those braggart mothers I realise now that I perhaps made him anxious about displaying his knowledge. He just started primary school this year and within weeks I realised that he didn''t want to let his teacher know that he can read, or that he knows his times tables etc. It''s not that I want a big deal made of him at school, and in all honesty I have no idea if he is a gifted child, or if he simply finds some things easier to learn but I realise now I need to be more encouraging of the things he does do well so he gains the confidence to be proud of them himself.

It''s hard because here in Australia we are raised to think that being proud of ourselves and our abilities is in poor taste. The only skills that are universally and openly celebrated are sporting skills.

I think SS advise is right on. After seeing a FB video of Daisy, personally I''d say she''s quite gifted (not to mention she''s so cute). I still can''t get over how much she''s ''talking''. Even my DH was blown away (and that''s saying something since most men don''t get terribly impressed w/ other people''s kids). I think the key is to just not brag (too much

), but still encourge your child to embrace their strengths.

Mandarine - Please don''t stop posting pics of your boys. I love their pics and they are just so so so cute

I seriously want to just squeeze them

.

Personally, I love seeing kiddo pics on FB, I especially like the videos too since you can see their personality.

I don''t mind woman talking about their kids, I just don''t like when a group of woman get together and they all try to *one up* each other in regards to milestones or whatever..so annoying

[/quote]
SS - Both DH and I were ahead at a very young age (Daisy is behind where both of us were

) and it didn''t do us many favours. We also both had problems relating to our peer groups and making friends. So thank you for the advice as I definitely need to be careful that I don''t over-compensate because of my fears.

I will say that other than the odd bedtime story, I do NOTHING to help Daisy learn anything. I don''t want her to start school and already have read the books, know her times tables etc as she''ll just end up bored and disruptive and make enemies of teachers. Obviously if she learns things on her own then I''m not going to discourage her, but I won''t be doing flash cards and Baby Einstein!

Through my mental-health providers she is seeing a Child Development Specialist every week which is really helpful for me to be able to get help on her social skills despite my own terrible ones (I have high-functioning Aspergers).

I think the UK is very like Australia: Being brilliant at football or singing - or even being very pretty - is acceptable to be successful at. Being talented in any other way is despised. I find it a bit sad that every kid here dreams of being David Beckham or winning X-Factor. It''s also sad that being a millionaire through playing football, or modelling or being a film or pop star is celebrated and being a millionaire through business or anything ''white collar'' makes you a ''fat cat'' who should be paying far more in tax....

(Cdt - that''s really nice of you, I don''t know quite what to say...

. The babbling stage is fun - you wait till Lex gets going! Right now though I''d like her to be gifted at sleeping - she''s been up since 8 am, it''s now 10.30pm and she''s only JUST gone to bed and it took an hour to get her to sleep. Euughhhh.)


On T-gal''s comments, I''d say it doesn''t apply to everyone, but I definitely didn''t know just how powerful the feelings are for your own child. It has really shocked me just how protective I am towards Daisy. I would not have understood before she was born even if I thought I did (eugh, does that make sense?)

 

[softly softly]

Date: 3/19/2010 7:12:42 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 3/19/2010 8:22:19 AM

Author: cdt1101

Date: 3/18/2010 7:57:16 PM

Author: softly softly




ETA: That is sweet of you TGal. Honestly the one thing I hope Daisy is ''gifted'' at is getting on with other people. Emotional Intelligence is one of the greatest skills and far more useful than being able to read at 7 months. Lack of it is a major handicap in life.

Pandora I can relate. Throughout his toddlerhood my 5 year old son consistently displayed accelerated development in some areas such as reading and counting, and had (has) a real love of reading, writing and maths. Like you I was more concerned that he was also developing his emotional intelligence and that his social skills were age-appropriate. I think perhaps I may have taken this concern slightly too far.


I consistently downplayed his development to other mothers who would comment on how clever he was by emphasising the things he wasn''t doing and I was so afraid of turning into one of those braggart mothers I realise now that I perhaps made him anxious about displaying his knowledge. He just started primary school this year and within weeks I realised that he didn''t want to let his teacher know that he can read, or that he knows his times tables etc. It''s not that I want a big deal made of him at school, and in all honesty I have no idea if he is a gifted child, or if he simply finds some things easier to learn but I realise now I need to be more encouraging of the things he does do well so he gains the confidence to be proud of them himself.


It''s hard because here in Australia we are raised to think that being proud of ourselves and our abilities is in poor taste. The only skills that are universally and openly celebrated are sporting skills.

I think SS advise is right on. After seeing a FB video of Daisy, personally I''d say she''s quite gifted (not to mention she''s so cute). I still can''t get over how much she''s ''talking''. Even my DH was blown away (and that''s saying something since most men don''t get terribly impressed w/ other people''s kids). I think the key is to just not brag (too much

), but still encourge your child to embrace their strengths.


Mandarine - Please don''t stop posting pics of your boys. I love their pics and they are just so so so cute

I seriously want to just squeeze them

.


Personally, I love seeing kiddo pics on FB, I especially like the videos too since you can see their personality.


I don''t mind woman talking about their kids, I just don''t like when a group of woman get together and they all try to *one up* each other in regards to milestones or whatever..so annoying

SS - Both DH and I were ahead at a very young age (Daisy is behind where both of us were

) and it didn''t do us many favours. We also both had problems relating to our peer groups and making friends. So thank you for the advice as I definitely need to be careful that I don''t over-compensate because of my fears.


I will say that other than the odd bedtime story, I do NOTHING to help Daisy learn anything. I don''t want her to start school and already have read the books, know her times tables etc as she''ll just end up bored and disruptive and make enemies of teachers. Obviously if she learns things on her own then I''m not going to discourage her, but I won''t be doing flash cards and Baby Einstein!


Through my mental-health providers she is seeing a Child Development Specialist every week which is really helpful for me to be able to get help on her social skills despite my own terrible ones (I have high-functioning Aspergers).


I think the UK is very like Australia: Being brilliant at football or singing - or even being very pretty - is acceptable to be successful at. Being talented in any other way is despised. I find it a bit sad that every kid here dreams of being David Beckham or winning X-Factor. It''s also sad that being a millionaire through playing football, or modelling or being a film or pop star is celebrated and being a millionaire through business or anything ''white collar'' makes you a ''fat cat'' who should be paying far more in tax....


(Cdt - that''s really nice of you, I don''t know quite what to say...

. The babbling stage is fun - you wait till Lex gets going! Right now though I''d like her to be gifted at sleeping - she''s been up since 8 am, it''s now 10.30pm and she''s only JUST gone to bed and it took an hour to get her to sleep. Euughhhh.)



On T-gal''s comments, I''d say it doesn''t apply to everyone, but I definitely didn''t know just how powerful the feelings are for your own child. It has really shocked me just how protective I am towards Daisy. I would not have understood before she was born even if I thought I did (eugh, does that make sense?)[/quote]

Pandora, like you I feel I have done very little to help my son learn skills which I assume are typically taught in school. Beyond reading to him I did nothing to facilitate his learning, but neither did we discourage him if he expressed an interest in learning more about something. He asked for a times table poster for his 3rd birthday so we got him one and I must confess I greatly appreciated the fact that he was happy to spend up to half an hour studying it in the morning instead of waking me up! He also mostly taught himself to tell time by studying the kitchen clock and asking us questions about it. His request for his 4th birthday was a wrist watch and a calendar because he wanted to be able to keep track of time. I know this is not typical behaviour because his sister who is only 18 months younger and who has been exposed to the same things shows no signs of interest in learning to tell the time or to read.

I can understand your fears for Daisy as I spent much of J''s early toddlerhood feeling extremely anxious about his social development. It was very hard to send him to preschool when he turned 4 because he had a very strong attachment to me and his sister, but I was pleasantly surprised by how well he did. Turns out he is very adept at taking his social cues from those around him which helps tremendously. Now he has started primary school and it makes me so happy when he tells me that his favourite part of school is playing with his friends because I was so afraid he would have trouble making any.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Some people are just like that. I have a great aunt who spent her few minutes with me during my wedding reception, the one chance she would get to meet and speak with my new husband during the entire weekend and maybe ever, and she chose to immediately steer the conversation to her granddaughters and how the last wedding she went to with them, all the boys had a crush on them. She's been annoying like that my whole life, but that really made me laugh!

As others have said, just be mindful of social cues and show interest in what other people have to say.


Has anyone seen that movie with Cameron Diaz - In Her Shoes? The sisters have a step-mother who talks all the time about her own daughter, and it cracks me up! "My Marsha's vagina is just perfect!"

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 3/19/2010 5:47:21 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
TGal -- I apologize if I sounded harsh in my earlier post. I wasn''t angry, and I didn''t mean for it to come across that way.

No need to apologize...it didn''t even cross my mind that the post sounded angry, so it definitely didn''t come across that way!

Pandora, yes, that makes sense. I didn''t know before Amelia came along that a parent could watch a child sleep for ages and feel so peaceful. I didn''t know a lot of things before she came along. You''re right in that it probably doesn''t apply to everyone (otherwise we wouldn''t have some of these psycho moms out there) but I don''t think this feeling is uncommon.

My husband came home from a weeklong business trip this past weekend and he was sitting on the couch. I went over and cuddled up next to him and he put his arm around me. My daughter saw us and came over and climbed onto his lap and put her arms around both of us and cuddled. I thought...ahhh...this really is a little slice of heaven. If we were childless, it still would have been lovely, but with our child in our embrace, it was just so otherworldly peaceful.

 

[partgypsy]

There are a couple moms I do that with; we have kids around the same age, so the majority of what we talk about is our kids, brag get feedback, reassurance, etc. Though I do post pics of my kids on facebook, there are a bunch of people I correspond only via that medium who want to see pics (I''ve actually been asked to post MORE pics).
I''m probably more gun shy about talking about my kids than usual because I basically lost my job because I got pregnant and had a kid. Not only did I not talk about my baby during the months after returning due to the atmosphere, I was criticized by my boss for such things as having a photo of my child on my desk ("it''s unprofessional") and when one of my patients asked about my child responding to them (kind of hard to hide getting all huge and then gone for 2 months). At my current job all the people I closely work with do not have kids, so don''t bring it up with co-workers (though I do have photos on my desk now

)

I have a friend who I see rarely who does this, kid channel all the time. However I know her background, that she had an extremely difficult time getting pregnant and almost lost the first one. She''s esctatic she got to be a mom and it shows and so I cut her some slack.
For many moms, you are cut off from the rest of life as you know it yet your life is sucked into the orbit of this child who controls your waking (and sleeping) hours. It is hard to get perspective sometimes. That''s why margarita nights should be mandatory (only part kidding)

 

[Mobinvera]

I work in a male-dominated corporate field and have noticed that whenever I do work with a woman who has kids, they LOVE it when I bring them up in conversation. To be honest, I bring up their children even if I’m not legitimately interested in hearing all about them, just to build a positive working relationship. I think that they feel so forced to be professional and not a ‘mommy’ that it’s a relief when other people give them an excuse to talk about their kids at work. BTW, in my experience this also holds true for the topics of wedding planning and house searching.

 

[steph72276]

I am also really careful to know the audience I''m with. When I''m with the moms at the park afterschool, then yes we mainly talk about our children. But when I''m out with my girlfriends, we talk about our families and such, but when I''m out on the town the last thing I want to do is talk about my children the whole night! That''s why I come here to the mommy threads, to get it all out here and not talk about my children so much IRL!

 

[jas]

Date: 3/23/2010 10:16:31 AM
Author: FL Steph
I am also really careful to know the audience I''m with. When I''m with the moms at the park afterschool, then yes we mainly talk about our children. But when I''m out with my girlfriends, we talk about our families and such, but when I''m out on the town the last thing I want to do is talk about my children the whole night! That''s why I come here to the mommy threads, to get it all out here and not talk about my children so much IRL!

This!