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Style Check... Or Not!

inne

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 12, 2019
Messages
61
I never think very much about other people's clothes, although I love people who have their own distinct style, even if that style is not at all to my taste.

I do have one thing that annoys me: so many American and Canadian (but especially American) men wear such giant clothes! If they wore a smaller size or a slimmer cut, they would look so much better.
 

nala

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 23, 2011
Messages
4,732
So to answer your questions: I’ll be 47 next month and I have a raised a 22 year old daughter who has her own style and has never welcomed my opinions in that domain. I have 4 sisters and same. I have 9 nieces and same. All this to say that if I once had that habit, I have learned to suppress it. The only time I ever offer style advice is if it is solicited. And I guess that I have trained myself not to waste my time even mentally responding to anyone’s style. Now: I wish I could tell every female out there that’s is ok to remove all unwanted facial hair, shave your arms, and never leave your house exposing non-pedicured toes. But. No one is asking and I likely offended some readers, but you did ask the question. I want to add that since social media and filters became so prevalent, the one snarky comment that I do suppress is: can I see the real you, the one without the filter or clever lighting :lol:
I have to wonder why so many people feel so much satisfaction posting unrealistic images of themselves and why so many of their acquaintances encourage them to continue to do so by showering them with compliments!
 

Polabowla

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
995
Oh i have a family member on dh's side who always just looks on point.
She has that certain something with dressing/poise/ idk what that i will never have.
It baffles me how she always knows what's in style & how to look amazing in it & in whatever she wears. And it just looks natural & effortless on her.

Me I can dress up all I want but I feel fake in a way, since I'm truly not glamorous.

But as comfy as I am in loose junky clothes I also hate how I look in them.

But my medical condition often makes it painful to wear more tailored clothing.
And running after 6 kids in a pencil skirt.... that would be a funny situation indeed!
Dilemmas Dilemmas.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
40,622
Now: I wish I could tell every female out there that’s is ok to remove all unwanted facial hair, shave your arms, and never leave your house exposing non-pedicured toes. But. No one is asking and I likely offended some readers, but you did ask the question. I want to add that since social media and filters became so prevalent, the one snarky comment that I do suppress is: can I see the real you, the one without the filter or clever lighting :lol:
I have to wonder why so many people feel so much satisfaction posting unrealistic images of themselves and why so many of their acquaintances encourage them to continue to do so by showering them with compliments!


@nala I agree with you in that yes, as women we should do what we *want* to do. We should make ourselves happy and if removing facial hair does that kudos to you. But I also wish I could tell every remaining reading that it is OK to *not* remove all facial hair or shave one's arms etc. I used to be embarrassed about my sideburns. I hated them. But I never removed the facial hair just because I didn't want to take a chance since my skin is so sensitive. Now as a mature adult I realize it was silly to feel self conscious about that. I wasted a lot of energy in my life when I was young worrying and not being happy with certain aspects of my appearance. And I realized (luckily not too far into adulthood) what a waste of energy and time it was.

This is not to say there is one right way to be. Not at all. Rather this is to say we should all do what we need to do to be comfortable in our own skin. But we should do it for us and not for how the media and other people say we should be and should look etc.

As you point out @nala, and I agree, why do so many people feel it necessary to portray idealized versions of themselves? It's the pressure from the outside world that makes people feel they are less than they are if they don't match a certain look/ideal etc. It makes me sad that it isn't OK for many to just be themselves as they are. Instead they feel the need to be "perfect". It's again why I prefer animals over most people because that kind of pressure to be a certain way is not OK.

I am glad for aging as it has brought me the perspective and wisdom to not only accept myself for who I am, warts and all, but to be happy with myself. Not just OK about who I am and my appearance but to be content with it as well. Not because I am perfect. Not even close. Acceptance comes from within and I am happy to say I am there. It was a journey but I got there and I am here to stay. Which is a good thing because as we get older there are more things to be accepting of if you kwim. :lol:
 

Yelena

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 7, 2019
Messages
325
I only offer style advice if it is solicited and then I am tactful about what I say. I aim to be constructive and kind. Of course I sometimes think, ‘oh that colour doesn’t do anything for you’ (or comments of that nature) in my head but really they are just random observations that pop up. I don’t let them out of my mouth. It is lovely to see a beautifully dressed person but it is equally lovely to see a plainly dressed person with a beautiful smile on their face and a friendly manner. Sometimes it really is the person in the body in the clothes that can carry off the athleisure wear beautifully because they carry themselves with dignity and radiate friendliness.
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 13, 2007
Messages
5,216
I would never do anything other than compliment someone on their clothing. It's only different if it's my family asking for advice. Then again, I'm not fashion forward. I personally try to wear only natural fabrics like cotton. I can't choose nice shoes at all because of my arthritic feet. The best I can to is to try wear some colour. I also have nice silk scarves for when I'm looking so blah, which is most of the time, lol!
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,922
I see all kinds of fashion don’ts in the form of things like kick pleats or jacket vents being worn while still sewn shut. (That big “X” stitch on the jacket or skirt vent.) Manufacturer labels still tacked onto jacket cuffs. Little things that people sometimes don’t know to remove once they’ve bought a piece off the rack. If they’re younger than me (which is usually the case now, oh dear) I quietly tell them.

As for fashion faux pas, you do you, but i dislike looking at sloppiness. I don’t feel right about telling a date that, while his sport coat is fabulous, he should’ve gotten his pants hemmed; after all of you’re managing people’s money for a living you really should look the part, AND I have put in the time and effort to look my best, so why on earth can’t you swing by the tailor or have your assistant do that for you? I just text them I don’t think we’re a match and move on. I’m not their mother and at this age no one should be taking care of them.

Here’s a good one though: this summer I accepted a date with a man who was fashion-conscious enough to ask what I’d be wearing. I sent him a pic of my dress and he showed up in a coordinating outfit, which I thought was pretty adorable. Two days later he text-dumped me and said he wasn’t down with the whole “smash the patriarchy” thing. LOL I should’ve known. I haven’t stopped laughing about that since.
 

doberman

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2012
Messages
1,979
As someone who enjoys lounging around in sweats and leggings, I am hardly an arbiter of style. But I will tell someone if they have a stain or a run in their stocking.
 

MRBXXXFVVS1

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 5, 2019
Messages
844
I think it's best to just focus on other positive things, not even worth your thoughts! Everyone is different and has different circumstances and preferences!
 

Tartansparkles

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2017
Messages
373
I have a reputation for, let's call it - directness. Over the years I have learned to keep my opinions to myself. Friends and family have learned not to ask, or if they do ask, esp. my mum, and the "does this look nice" is followed by silence, well, they come to their own conclusions.

That said...years ago I was in the gents department of Next (UK high street clothing store). The queue was long and slow enough to notice that the young, attractive and large bosomed sales assistant was missing a button. As in, the buttons were open to below her bust line and there was more than enough underwear on show. I agonised over whether to say something or keep my mouth shout. In the end I decided that no-one would deliberately wear a slim fitting blouse that was unbuttoned so far and that since she was working in the gents department and it was mostly men who were in the queue, and that the men (for the most part) would be too embarrassed to say anything, I would quietly mention the popped button. You guessed it, shoulda kept my mouth shut.
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,822
Well, in my life, I have a 16 year old and 21 year old daughter that make sure to let me know anything I wear that they consider out of fashion. Including but not limited to: my hair, make up, glasses frame, clothing, shoes, breathing. Nothing like having two daughters to make you insecure about yourself when you go out in public! When you have daughters, you need a thick skin!
 

nala

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 23, 2011
Messages
4,732
Well, in my life, I have a 16 year old and 21 year old daughter that make sure to let me know anything I wear that they consider out of fashion. Including but not limited to: my hair, make up, glasses frame, clothing, shoes, breathing. Nothing like having two daughters to make you insecure about yourself when you go out in public! When you have daughters, you need a thick skin!
This. But God Forbid I give my 22 year-old my advice!
 

GliderPoss

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,629
I wouldn’t say I’m uber fashionable so usually keep my mouth shut unless it’s something simple like lipstick on teeth, run in her stocking etc... I’m usually the one asking for advice not the other way around! :lol: I was raised to dress fairly modestly and according to my body shape/type rather than fad fashion. I still think that is the best way frankly...
 

Big Fat Facets

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 7, 2019
Messages
1,239
in my experience, generally, its not a good idea to give style advice, unless it is solicited. and even though, it is solicited, some, still, react very poorly. they get offended. (which of course says more about them than you) but its all rather unpleasant and best to just avoid it ...
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,822
This. But God Forbid I give my 22 year-old my advice!
100% you speak the truth!

Funny story, my best friend's daughter asked her to borrow a shirt. My friend was happy to lend it and was flattered her daughter wanted to wear her clothes. She later found out there was a contest among her daughter's friends to see which girl could borrow the ugliest shirt from their mother and wear it to school (they were seniors in high school at the time). My friend told me that the shirt she borrowed was one of her favorites and although she was hurt by it, she didn't tell her daughter.

Like I said, as the mother to daughters, you need a thick skin. I love my girls but there is something about mothers and daughters that know how to push each other's buttons!
 
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missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
40,622
Like I said, as the mother to daughters, you need a thick skin. I love my girls but there is something about mothers and daughters that know how to push each other's buttons!
Ain't that the truth. My DH doesn't get it because he grew up with only brothers. But moms and daughters are a whole different story. At least from my (and others that I know) experience. Only a mother can push those buttons in that special way to make one go nutso.

Though there is one phrase my DH used to say (usually during an intense arugument so not that often but still) that makes me pretty pissed too. LOL, I just asked him what that one phrase is and he is all innocent. When I reminded him of the phrase he said he hasn't said that for years. Hmmmmmm. :think: For those wondering that phrase is "you're acting crazy" :loopy:

Well, you can bet (if those words are uttered by my DH) that now I am.

:lol:
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 13, 2007
Messages
5,216
I have two daughters. We've never disagreed on fashion. The only thing we've disagreed on is that the younger one does blue hair or other unnatural colours. But she's an adult and makes her own choices.
 

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,343
One thing I have noticed with my grown kids in general is that even though they just love to argue with me, I am often surprised later to notice that they have quietly done what I suggested anyway. Sometimes they even later state what I said as their own opinion. I feel like in a way my voice has become that little voice in their heads and they don't even realize it. :)
 

doberman

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2012
Messages
1,979
One thing I have noticed with my grown kids in general is that even though they just love to argue with me, I am often surprised later to notice that they have quietly done what I suggested anyway. Sometimes they even later state what I said as their own opinion. I feel like in a way my voice has become that little voice in their heads and they don't even realize it. :)
This! My son argued with me about going to med school; it takes too long, he doesn't want to do what doctors do, etc. When I said he will look back on it and it won't seem long he accused me of wishing his life away. He's always been melodramatic. And of course he's now in his 3rd year of med school, doing rotations in the hospital.
 

nala

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 23, 2011
Messages
4,732
One thing I have noticed with my grown kids in general is that even though they just love to argue with me, I am often surprised later to notice that they have quietly done what I suggested anyway. Sometimes they even later state what I said as their own opinion. I feel like in a way my voice has become that little voice in their heads and they don't even realize it. :)
I love when this happens!! And as much as I want to celebrate it, I don’t for fear she will become aware! Lol
 

MamaBee

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
8,130
Ain't that the truth. My DH doesn't get it because he grew up with only brothers. But moms and daughters are a whole different story. At least from my (and others that I know) experience. Only a mother can push those buttons in that special way to make one go nutso.

Though there is one phrase my DH used to say (usually during an intense arugument so not that often but still) that makes me pretty pissed too. LOL, I just asked him what that one phrase is and he is all innocent. When I reminded him of the phrase he said he hasn't said that for years. Hmmmmmm. :think: For those wondering that phrase is "you're acting crazy" :loopy:

Well, you can bet (if those words are uttered by my DH) that now I am.

:lol:
Well then let me welcome you to the crazy club! :twirl::loopy::shifty:
 

Made in London

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
132
The things I notice are when something looks "off" with the effect that person seems to be going for.

For ex., someone wearing a sweat suit with no makeup or jewelry, yep, got it. But if that person was dolled up for a night on the town, that's when I'd notice something out of place. Or something about their everyday look when they are putting in the effort.

Like a co-worker I used to have, whose lipstick soon wore off and she spent her days with only a strange lipliner outline left around her mouth.
I just had to say that a client of mine always has worn off orange lippy & a thick tattoed "outside of the lip" liner" in a shape like Bat Man's The Joker's mouth
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
21,158
HI:

OP style is none of my business. That said if I am in the company of a zipper/unflied: I have been known to say, "take care" (please check your zipper).

cheers--Sharon
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,822
Ain't that the truth. My DH doesn't get it because he grew up with only brothers. But moms and daughters are a whole different story. At least from my (and others that I know) experience. Only a mother can push those buttons in that special way to make one go nutso.

Though there is one phrase my DH used to say (usually during an intense arugument so not that often but still) that makes me pretty pissed too. LOL, I just asked him what that one phrase is and he is all innocent. When I reminded him of the phrase he said he hasn't said that for years. Hmmmmmm. :think: For those wondering that phrase is "you're acting crazy" :loopy:

Well, you can bet (if those words are uttered by my DH) that now I am.

:lol:
Oh, "you are acting crazy" gets me too! An ex of mine use to say that and he never understood or respected why I hated that phrase. At least your husband is trying to not say it!

Oh, and I read a great quote somewhere. I can't remember where or the exact working but it explained why mothers and daughters have a special ability to push each others buttons. Something to the effect because the mothers install the buttons. It was certainly food for thought.
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,822
I love when this happens!! And as much as I want to celebrate it, I don’t for fear she will become aware! Lol
Yes! This happens with my 23 year old son. And I don't point it out, but it secretly makes me happy that he took the suggestion. If he wants to think it is his, I let him :)
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
40,622
Oh, and I read a great quote somewhere. I can't remember where or the exact working but it explained why mothers and daughters have a special ability to push each others buttons. Something to the effect because the mothers install the buttons. It was certainly food for thought.
Haha yup.

Screen Shot 2020-09-28 at 4.42.39 AM.png


 
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