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Strange Personalities...

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,778
I have a neighbor who seems to seek out my company at every chance, then be a snotty know-it-all to me at every chance lol. Any little thing I say (in passing) is wrong apparently, and in need of correction by her highness. So one teen-tiny good thing about the pandemic is getting more distance from her (jk- there is nothing good about the pandemic!)

Well, seriously I don't care about her enough to even really be mad, more just curious about this strange push-pull thing some people do.

If I don't like someone, I stay away from them and think that's what most people would do. So why would someone constantly try to connect with somebody who they do not seem to like?

I guess it's somewhat rare, though I have known a couple of others like her through the years. My husband just shrugs and says, "She's a kook" lol but I would like to know what goes through someone's mind who acts this way.

Any insights or similar stories?
 
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monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
18,022
Ugh. I don't know where you live, but when I was in a major metropolitan area I ran across several women like the one you've described. Always wanting to get together and then full of negativity. One of them was just a frenemy who found every opportunity to get "digs" in but clearly felt terrible about herself. I think you're onto something with the push/pull comment. Perhaps they were raised by a parent who did the same thing to them or in social situations. Maybe it just makes them feel good to be condescending to a person they consider, deep down, superior to themselves in some way. I think some folks have poor social skills, aren't really comfortable navigating relationships unless they can control the other person somehow, and overall are simply unhappy. Besides the frenemy there was a woman I worked with who felt like she and I were in direct competition instead of on the same team. That sucked. She was constantly inviting me to lunch and dinners and family celebrations and I honestly had no idea why because she hated me 40-50 hours a week at work.

These things used to bother me a lot. Recently I've learned that their shiz has nothing to do with me and everything to them. Next time your neighbor talks smack to you, just say "sounds like a you problem," and walk away.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
8,669
I think people who behave like this are deeply unhappy about something in their own lives- perhaps something they have little control over
And by dishing out sly diggs and put downs they think it might make them selves feel better
I worked with a lady who would go through phases of doing this to me somethings rather cruelly

i worked out it would happen when she had money troubles at home
once i worked this out i didn't let her words bother me anymore, i just felt sorry for her
 

Lisa Loves Shiny

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 1, 2007
Messages
3,647
I. Can. So. Relate.

I am friends with all my neighbors and I love them, really love them. We get together for barbecues, holidays, birthday parties. And then..........THAT neighbor moved in. The one who responds to every interaction you have with "may I make a suggestion?" Lol



I am working 70 hours this week and I was thrilled to duck out of work at 2 pm today. And.........as soon as I get home THAT neighbor texts me (why oh why did I give him my number) with "I saw you drive by and you looked worried, is everything okay and can I stop to visit?" I obviously can't say "I would rather set myself on fire than have you visit" so I say I am fine and sure he can visit. An hour later he leaves and I am like WTH???? Dear Lord- give me strength.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
8,669
I. Can. So. Relate.

I am friends with all my neighbors and I love them, really love them. We get together for barbecues, holidays, birthday parties. And then..........THAT neighbor moved in. The one who responds to every interaction you have with "may I make a suggestion?" Lol



I am working 70 hours this week and I was thrilled to duck out of work at 2 pm today. And.........as soon as I get home THAT neighbor texts me (why oh why did I give him my number) with "I saw you drive by and you looked worried, is everything okay and can I stop to visit?" I obviously can't say "I would rather set myself on fire than have you visit" so I say I am fine and sure he can visit. An hour later he leaves and I am like WTH???? Dear Lord- give me strength.

There might still be 1/2 a nice person in there
i find it unusual for a man to be bit#hy - they are usually more direct/ blunt
 

Polabowla

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,463
Ugh I had a neighbor who seemed so sweet; until she let slip that she and my other neighbors were gossiping about me. Never talked to her again.

Another neighbor decided to call me & berate me for the educational choices I made for my children.
Um excuse me? These are my kids. Not your business .
Some times I wish I lived away from all humanity. Or well, at least my neighbors
 

123ducklings

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 10, 2020
Messages
616
Last year a woman joined a community/social group I’m part of and I had a similar experience. She was always calling me and wanting to get together, but was always very negative saying little backhanded criticisms to me and also bashing other people in our group. It was very uncomfortable and draining. I think in her case it was an insecurity thing — she was constantly complaining about and putting down the most talented and well-liked women in our group, and her criticisms of me we focused on things she personally seemed to struggle with. It was weird. COVID has given me a welcomed excuse to steer clear.
 

Lisa Loves Shiny

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 1, 2007
Messages
3,647
There might still be 1/2 a nice person in there
i find it unusual for a man to be bit#hy - they are usually more direct/ blunt

I know right? He is odd but he loves animals so we share a common interest there. I had a friend who took in a pregnant cat and he took two of her kittens. Spoils them rotten. So I give him a bit of a pass because of this.
 

Lisa Loves Shiny

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 1, 2007
Messages
3,647
Ugh I had a neighbor who seemed so sweet; until she let slip that she and my other neighbors were gossiping about me. Never talked to her again.

Another neighbor decided to call me & berate me for the educational choices I made for my children.
Um excuse me? These are my kids. Not your business .
Some times I wish I lived away from all humanity. Or well, at least my neighbors

Ugh! As for the neighbor who said neighbors were gossiping about you- please don't believe her. That is a tactic one of my family member uses to cause division. Saying this one said this or that about another. Totally untrue and I am glad you don't entertain such nonsense.
 

Polabowla

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1,463
Ugh! As for the neighbor who said neighbors were gossiping about you- please don't believe her. That is a tactic one of my family member uses to cause division. Saying this one said this or that about another. Totally untrue and I am glad you don't entertain such nonsense.

I hope it's not true because she said they were gossiping about my illness. But she was very convincing & I have felt so self conscious ever since.
 

Lisa Loves Shiny

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 1, 2007
Messages
3,647
I hope it's not true because she said they were gossiping about my illness. But she was very convincing & I have felt so self conscious ever since.

Don't feel self conscious. If someone is passing something negative to you about you than IMHO they are probably lying.Most people will not hurt another person's feelings with gossip if they care about them. And usually- if they care about that person not only will they not pass this on, they will shut that toxic person down and make it known that they can't talk garbage about that person to them.


Here is an example of how my toxic family member manipulates people. Family friend says "Your daughter is so thin and pretty." Family member passes that on to daughter and says "Friend was asking about you and said you were too thin, you look sickly," Family member is very convincing of course. When the daughter casually brought this up to family friend they were aghast because that is NOT what they said at all.


So it someone says someone was talking about you- most likely the person who told you this is the one stirring the pot.
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,883
I. Can. So. Relate.

I am friends with all my neighbors and I love them, really love them. We get together for barbecues, holidays, birthday parties. And then..........THAT neighbor moved in. The one who responds to every interaction you have with "may I make a suggestion?" Lol



I am working 70 hours this week and I was thrilled to duck out of work at 2 pm today. And.........as soon as I get home THAT neighbor texts me (why oh why did I give him my number) with "I saw you drive by and you looked worried, is everything okay and can I stop to visit?" I obviously can't say "I would rather set myself on fire than have you visit" so I say I am fine and sure he can visit. An hour later he leaves and I am like WTH???? Dear Lord- give me strength.

That would creep me out!
 

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,883
Don't feel self conscious. If someone is passing something negative to you about you than IMHO they are probably lying.Most people will not hurt another person's feelings with gossip if they care about them. And usually- if they care about that person not only will they not pass this on, they will shut that toxic person down and make it known that they can't talk garbage about that person to them.


Here is an example of how my toxic family member manipulates people. Family friend says "Your daughter is so thin and pretty." Family member passes that on to daughter and says "Friend was asking about you and said you were too thin, you look sickly," Family member is very convincing of course. When the daughter casually brought this up to family friend they were aghast because that is NOT what they said at all.


So it someone says someone was talking about you- most likely the person who told you this is the one stirring the pot.

I totally agree.

As I have raised my kids, I taught them that when someone speaks negatively behind other's backs, it says more about the person spreading the negativity than the person they are speaking about. Unhappy negative, insecure people feel the need to put others down. Secure happy people don't do that. Ignore rumors about gossip and go about your own business.
 

Alex T

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
6,014
We had a neighbour who's very large house & gardens backed onto our garden. She always acted like the Queen of the village. She would often phone & invite me round for coffee or invite herself round to mine, only to tell me off about things I might have been doing wrong. These were all related to the fact that i'd just become a new mother & she having 5 children herself, seemed to think she could dictate how I should be doing everything.

Let the baby nap. Don't let the baby nap for too long. Look after your own appearance. Don't spend too much time on yourself as the baby is more important. Don't worry about housework, it can wait. Ooh, it's untidy in here today. Wow, you dropped the baby weight quickly! You exercise too much & you'll get poorly. You get the idea....

I have to say though, she was extraordinarily kind to my girls, lavishing beautiful birthday & Christmas gifts on them, feeding them delicious treats, letting them run amok in her amazing home. She even used to let my eldest wear her engagement ring on her index finger whilst she played, as DD1 is a magpie for sparkly gems. It was a Cartier solitaire (around 4cts if I recall), and I used to gulp constantly & tell my daughter to be careful with the pretty ring. She used to say "oh, stop flapping woman! It's just a thing & it's insured!" Yeah, just a thing.... :-o

She moved away 4 years ago, but we're still in touch. In a really weird way, i sometimes miss her advice.
 
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dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
8,083
Luckily, I have not lived with neighbours who are snooty and off-putting, however, I have come across a few at work, who liked to play the one-upmanship game.

They liked to remind people they had made it in life and in work.

I did not gel well with them, as they often tried to overturn decisions and had them their way.

The applicable rule book made a very nice sound when I had to slap it on the table at meetings.

DK :))
 

kgizo

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 14, 2009
Messages
1,876
I think people who behave like this are deeply unhappy about something in their own lives

I have a neighbor like seaurchin and believe this is the reason. She is an extrovert who doesn’t have many friends so is always trying to start up a convo. And then the negative diatribe starts. It isn’t personal. I’ve noticed that once she’s out of things to criticize about us it’s on to her husband / children / coworkers, other neighbors, etc. What works in my case is that when she makes a negative comment about us I respond with “We are happy with it”. If I don’t go down her negative path she moves on. And there’s always, “Sorry to cut this short but I have to check on something in the oven”.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
43,625
I always give people the benefit of the doubt when I first meet them. We all don't make a great first impression and sometimes it takes time to see the true person's personality and character unfold.

However I do live by the motto fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Life is too short and too challenging to suffer people who don't truly care about your well being andwho are insincere. The term frenemies comes to mind. No thank you.

So yeah, when you do show me who you are rest assured I am listening.

believethem.jpg
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
43,625
My neighbors don’t really talk to me. They are all friendly with my husband. It’s been this way in every neighborhood we’ve lived in.

I have resting b!tch face.

I’m jealous. I have the opposite and people approach me all the time. I gotta practice my RBF but my theory is you either have it or you don’t.

One of my favorite actors had it. :)

B2C35377-D787-4F09-A46C-743DB754FE7C.jpeg
❤️
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
4,412
I’m jealous. I have the opposite and people approach me all the time. I gotta practice my RBF but my theory is you either have it or you don’t.

One of my favorite actors had it. :)

B2C35377-D787-4F09-A46C-743DB754FE7C.jpeg

Don’t do it missy. I have wrinkles in the corners of my mouth because of RBF. I need filler now. After the pandemic, I will look a little friendlier. Not too much, just enough so that I don’t scare small children.
 

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,778
I am friendly these days because after moving around and etc. I am currently low on friends. Unfortunately, it seems harder to find a bestie than it is to find a husband. :(

Perhaps I should tell her that she has flunked out of my friend seeking process so all greetings are to be stopped immediately. Haha!
 
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missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
43,625
Don’t do it missy. I have wrinkles in the corners of my mouth because of RBF. I need filler now. After the pandemic, I will look a little friendlier. Not too much, just enough so that I don’t scare small children.

Lol I am sure you don’t scare small children. As for lines I have laugh lines so no one escapes. It’s ok. It shows we’ve laughed and loved and lived.

❤️
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
4,412
Lol I am sure you don’t scare small children. As for lines I have laugh lines so no one escapes. It’s ok. It shows we’ve laughed and loved and lived.


You’re lucky. I’ve always dreamed of having permanent smile lines etched in my face when I got older. Sometimes, i drive around smiling really big to try and get them but the RBF is too powerful!
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
43,625
You’re lucky. I’ve always dreamed of having permanent smile lines etched in my face when I got older. Sometimes, i drive around smiling really big to try and get them but the RBF is too powerful!

And yes, i look crazy driving around like that

Aww I’m sending you big hugs. You are making me laugh :lol:
With you. ❤️
 
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