Some kind of hiatus

[fisherofmengirly]

How are you doing, miss Sparkles? Well, we hope!! Hugs for you and Duncan, too.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Well I am finally on and bringing you all an update. The internship has been crazy and turned into a lot of work (which I am not doing right now). I had my midterm last Thursday which was a disaster! There is a point system and you are supposed to get 90 to pass. SHe gave me an 85 but said it was no big deal and not to worry about it. I was absolutely baffled and almost cried right there in her office. Fortunately I didn''t and held it all in until I got to my own office. It was a horrible week. Friday I made a sarcastic remark to the director trying to be funny. Apparently he doesn''t do funny. Argh, I thought I was just carrying on the tone in the lunch room. So I emailed him an apology and met with him today. He acted as if nothing happened so all is well there I guess. I have a lot to accomplish in the next 4 weeks though but my super said she isn''t worried about me passing the final. OK?!

Ok as you can see a certain someone is no longer the focus of everything for me right now. I had to really take a break from a lot of things to start moving on and unfortunately PS is one of them. I don''t know that I will really be coming back even though I would really like to. I just don''t think it would be a healthy choice for me right now. We will see. Perhaps during my three week break between internships I will be bored to tears and come back full force but I some how doubt it. THe excitment is just all gone. I miss the people but feel like I don''t have much of a purpose on here anymore. I cannot tell you how phenomenal and amazing the last page of support and replies was. Those last dozen stories or so really really helped me get some perspective and move on. I have, for the most part, move past trying to analyze everything that was said or done. And really stopped expecting a phone call from him saying that he has done such and such. I don''t want him anymore. Wow can you believe I said that Mara! I don''t want him anymore and he cannot ever meet my needs, wants, dreams, and desires. He will surely always hold a place in my heart, but I am trying to accept the relationship for what it was. I haven''t removed pictures or anything yet. Mostly because I am afraid to turn them over. When we broke up I turned them all face down in their spot. At work I very artfully replaced his picture with Duncan''s and managed to not look at the picture. I was impresserd with myself. But here I want to use the frame for something else and want to remoive the extra scrapbppk pages to be used in another albuim. No use in wasting those things. The tshirt I want to mail back but dont want to go through looking for his address.

I have been spending a little bit more time with friends, especially one my age from synagogue. Her and her BF had a mutual friend my age that I think she has hopes of "setting me up" with in a way. He is very "proper" if you will and shy.I really don''t have any expectations of that but it is nice to start thinking about guys in a positive manner again I guess. And well, he has one cute butt! One thing is for sure, I will not be dating men with differing religious beliefs again. That may sound silly to some but its just gotta simplify things some in the end. Oh and I went to a nice party the other night. But the fact of the matter is that I do not have many friends my own age that live around here. My best friend from grade school lives here but we have grown apart and love each other to death but never seem able to make time for each other. And my other best GF moved back home to NC and we barely talk. I dont really stay in touch with people from high school. And well for the most part I hate almost every girl in my program. I am just not like them I guess. Oh well. I should really go finish what I should have given my super today so I can say oops I had this and forgot to email it to you with the busy schedule.

Thank you all for the tremendous support and all the stories and rooting and kicks in the butt. And Mara, just about everytime I wanted to call him in the last month I thought about what your little fingers would have to type back at me and for the most part it really helped. Not that things are hunky dory and easy now. But they are not so horrible and I am no longer stuck thinking I have lost my one true love and bla bla bla

I will try to check in from time to time. And who knows, maybe the right guy is waiting around the corner. But I am going to try and not get my hopes up and take things slower and let everything flow a little more naturally instead of rushing into them.

Hope you are all staying cool and hydrated in this awful heat! Love you all!
Amanda

 

[Mara]

amanda...i'm so glad you checked in!

and so glad that you are finally figuring things out. i really do believe that you are doing the right thing...having had many types of relationships in the past where they just aren't the right ones...i think deep down inside you know it, we all know it when it's happening, but at the time just doing it feels okay for the time and you think it may get better later or somehow be more acceptable for long term. it's later when you go HELLO what was i thinking.

after a relationship like this, continue to take some time for yourself! concentrate on getting yourself to a happy place so that when you do meet the right person, you are ready! i don't believe in distracting one's self with another guy to forget the first one...think about yourself right now! and duncan of course! it sounds like the focus on your internship is a great way to go for right now..it can only lead to good right?!?!

anyway, hang in there and i totally understand how being at PS may be the wrong thing for you right now, it's the wrong kind of focus to have at a time like this. it can be too obsessive and you don't want to continue in the vein you were in when you were here. of course we'll miss you, and i hope at some point in the future you will come to see us, check in with us from time to time, and maybe sometime in the future you will a LIW with the right guy!!! when i look back at my dating history, it seems like every relationship i learned a ton, and then i would go and apply that to the next relationship. i figured out more and more what i was looking for in the long term as time went on. then it just clicks in a relationship and that's that.

you are a FABULOUS girl and you know it. it takes an inordinate amount of strength to come as far as you have now, we are soooo strong inside but we never really know it til we are tested. now go out there and spread it! you can only go upwards from here...trust me! and PLEASE whenever you make lemon pie, think of us!!

and by the way i was laughing at how thinking of me and my 'what are you thinking' kept you going sometimes...i guess it's a good thing?!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Hi Amanda!
It''s great to hear from you! I''m happy to hear things are looking up for you, and all I can say is keep living your life for you! Glad to hear you''re feeling better and staying strong girl!

 

[littlelysser]

Amanda - I''m so glad to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing. Thanks for stopping in and giving us an update...and although we might be sad to see you not around as much, you''ve gotta do what works for you! If that means a break from PS, then do it! But there are lots of other fun boards on here - like diamond hangout - that don''t really have to do with engagements and such. But again, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I wouldn''t be too worried about the midterm and final - you''ve had a LOT to deal with in the past few months...and it sounds like you''ve really turned a corner...and can concentrate on knocking that final right out of the ball park!

And good for taking down the pics. Duncan is a hottie anyway!

For what it is worth, I am so impressed by your strength and the fact that you''ve done the right thing...even though it certainly wasn''t the easy thing.

Take care!
Melissa

 

[bee*]

Hey Amanda, glad to hear you''re doing better! Hope things continue that way.

 

[akw94]

Glad to hear you''re doing better and although sometimes busy can suck, it''s also a nice to have real things to think about and that occupy your time. Seems like you''re in a much better place, and I am happy for you.
You deserve much more!
Take care of yourself!

 

[anchor31]

Good to hear you''re keeping busy and seeing new people! Take care, sweetie! *hugs*

 

[Mandarine]

Hi Sparkles!

I''m glad you checked in and completely understand why you feel you need to take a break from PS!...just know that we are here (yep, still here) and will be glad to hear from you and Duncan anytime!!!

It''s amazing how a few weeks can completely change someone''s attitude! If you read some of your previous posts and this one you will see that you are stronger now....and you should feel very proud of yourself!!!!!!!

I do agree with Mara that in the mean time you should concentrate on yourself and doing things to make you stronger, happier and confident. Guys will come and go, but you''ve got to take care of you because you are there with you to stay

(that didn''t sound right, but in my head it did...of course in my mind I was thinking in Spanish!).

Anyway, big hugs to you and Duncan!!!

M~

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Girl, I am *so* glad to have heard from you. You''re doing good, doing good. It can be a hard road, so take all the support that comes along right now. I''m proud of you for making the best decision for YOU. Yay!

I''ve missed hearing about you, and your bubbly posts are surely missed, but I''m sure you''ll be back, some day. Any day will be good, but I hope it''s at a time when it''s comfortable for you.

Support is a BIG part of why I''ve been around, so I know it''s a good place to find some. Come read posts of encouragement as often as you feel like you need them!

Praying for you, girl. Yeah, and did I mention that I''m proud of you? I am, I am!!