Size of diamond = how much he loves you?

[Laila619]

There are some people who think that if a guy buys his fiancee a huge diamond, "wow, he must really love her!" The PC response is that diamond size has nothing to do with how much a guy loves his wife-to-be, that everyone has different budgets, and different priorities, etc. But, be honest: do you ever equate the size of the diamond to how much a man loves his fiancee? What about this example: the guy has a TON of money and can easily afford any carat size, and his girlfriend has expressed her desire for a large diamond, but he buys her, say, a .30 carat...what would you think then? Or how about this: guy doesn't make much money but he takes on a second job and saves his every penny for years just to be able to buy his girlfriend a 2 carat diamond. Would you then think, "Wow, he must be absolutely crazy about her!"...? Curious to hear your thoughts, PSers!

 

[vintagelover229]

My answer is no it doesn't equal how much he loves you. But YES society does put value on the size of the diamond = the amount of love. However I had no relationship and a 1.31 carat diamond and was unhealthy and unhappy. Now I'm in a much healthier and happier relationship and the diamond we have is 1.64 carats. It's to big. So we are selling it (for a profit at that ) and I'm getting something MUCH smaller bc I'm more comfortable wearing something smaller than I am with the large diamond. When I mean smaller I mean that the MAX size I'm getting is .5 carats. I have a size 4 finger and so I don't need that big of a diamond.

I sure hope that people don't think he loves me less bc I have a smaller diamond. Especially considering the stone that we have now is worth a small fortune and bc of that I want to get rid of it. I'm not comfortable with something worth that much and would be just as happy with a smaller ring and cash in our pockets. That's just me though

ETA: I know lots of guys who save their pennies to buy a ring. Might not be 2 carats but with diamond prices even .5 is expensive for young couples. If I saw an older couple engaged with a large diamond I wouldn't think twice about "how much he loved her" I'd think they were just better off bc they were older. Now if I saw a young couple with a .5 carat diamond or less I'd think wow, he saved and worked hard to get her that.

It's all relative I guess.

 

[zoebartlett]

There are some people who think that if a guy buys his fiancee a huge diamond, "wow, he must really love her!"

I've heard people say that but I never took it seriously. If I heard it again, I'd assume the person was joking around.

I don't think the size of someone's diamond has anything to do with how much her partner loves her.

 

[yssie]

Hmm. Lots of answers.


Short version is - not if it's by choice, certainly. If the couple doesn't value diamonds, and chooses to spend their disposable income on something else - it obviously has nothing to do with how much or little he loves you!

However, I am an idealist and don't think two people have any business getting married until they have the financial stability to pay their own bills/groceries/gas/rent/kids' needs if they have any, and have enough left over to get through a rainy week as a *new family*. So if she really wants a $500, 1000 engagement ring and they choose a different route because there's just no way they can afford it without eating Ramen for a week or three - yeah, I'd be judging that marriage - poorly: odds are they don't have the combined income to fulfill those other criteria either...

If they do have lots of disposable income and she wants it, badly, and he says "no" and that's that - well, there's no way to put a positive spin on that one, either!

But since there's no way to tell which of those scenarios might be true, I err toward differing priorities - my mother is the perfect example, my parents are very comfortable and she couldn't imagine spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on rocks


ETA: okay, I give up on PC-ifying this post

 

[junebug17]

I don't equate the size of the diamond with how much a man loves his fiance, but I know some people do. I usually just assume that the man has purchased the size diamond that fits comfortably into his budget.

To answer your specific examples - if a man purchases a small stone when it appears he could afford larger and knew that his gf would like a larger stone, then I might question his thoughtfulness a little and well, to be honest, think he's is a little on the cheap side.(just being honest!) But I wouldn't automatically jump to the conclusion that he doesn't love her. And for the guy who saved for two years to buy his gf the rock of her dreams - I would admire him for his thoughtfulness and be impressed with his efforts to make his gf happy. But I wouldn't necessarily think he loves her more than the well-off guy loves his fiance. The size of the stone in and of itself doesn't define the whole relationship. Who knows, the well-off guy might treat his gf really well, he may just be one of those who think it's excessive to spend many thousands of dollars on a diamond. (kind of like my hubs )

Years ago my husband gave me an anniversary band - a 5 stone band of 1.25 carats (not super-duper large, but still a nice size) - and a younger woman grabbed my hand and said loudly "Now that shows a husband REALLY loves his wife!" Does it really? What if my husband was abusive or something? I guess I'm saying you can't judge a whole relationship based on a ring. Of course, her husband was standing right next to her so she was probably sending a message to him!

 

[lyra]

I think this is a stereotype that exists, but is only "politely" used when a person thinks the particular diamond is large. I suppose some guys might get grief for offering a very small stone, but that would be very rude to comment on! My daughter's friend got engaged with a ring that had no center stone mounted in it, yet she chose to wear it that way because they couldn't afford a stone at first. Who cares if you're in love. My daughter's best friend just got engaged with a peridot ring, and there's no judgement in that either. She liked the colour. My original ER has a .26ct diamond in it. I honestly didn't care at the time, and no one ever made a comment other than that the ring itself was pretty.

ETA: I think there are couples out there who do think this equation is valid in their social circles. I don't hold out much hope for such couples in the long run though. If it's a status thing, not a great start IMO.

(sorry, I have issues posting in PS, my computer constantly times out)

 

[maplefemme]

When I see guys on here trying to find a engagement diamond and asking for help, putting some real thought and effort into the project because they want it to be special, I find that touching regardless of size/budget.
My elderly patients are usually wearing engagement rings where you can barely see the diamond it's so small, the shanks are worn away at the bottom and they are showing the years of wear. But their spouses are still by their side through thick and thin, sickness and health, and all of the adversities and challenges that come with decades of marriage, I see a lot of love there, size doesn't come into it. I actually really love looking at their rings!

When I see someone who has a larger diamond I just assume they had it in their budget to buy it, I don't make assumptions on their character or depth of love.
I don't necessarily think all people who make comments to the effect of "he must really love you" in reaction to a large diamond really mean it seriously, I think some people just say such things with a lighthearted sense of humour...

Edited to say, I do however think that people who make negative comments about people's small rings are just downright rude and ignorant. On the other hand, it's amazing how people feel free to say they think my DH-to-be is spending too much on my ring, I find it equally rude

 

[Autumnovember]

I've never thought that before but I know I've always felt really awkward when people have made that statement to me.

If he *IS* able to buy a diamond of the size that she is requesting and instead gets her a .30, I wouldn't really think "wow he really must not love her!" Instead, I would be wondering WHY he ignored her request.

 

[Circe]

There are some people who think that if a guy buys his fiancee a huge diamond, "wow, he must really love her!" The PC response is that diamond size has nothing to do with how much a guy loves his wife-to-be, that everyone has different budgets, and different priorities, etc. But, be honest: do you ever equate the size of the diamond to how much a man loves his fiancee? What about this example: the guy has a TON of money and can easily afford any carat size, and his girlfriend has expressed her desire for a large diamond, but he buys her, say, a .30 carat...what would you think then? Or how about this: guy doesn't make much money but he takes on a second job and saves his every penny for years just to be able to buy his girlfriend a 2 carat diamond. Would you then think, "Wow, he must be absolutely crazy about her!"...? Curious to hear your thoughts, PSers!

Hm. Interesting question.

I never assume a negative about anyone wearing a small stone: my thoughts go anywhere from, "Oh, what a cool design!" to "That really suits her tastes/lifestyle," depending on the ring and how well I know the lady.

But I do tend to look at people with big stones and think, "They lead a charmed life." I know it's not necessarily true ... but that's the gut reaction, and it encompasses everything from a happy relationship where their spouse knows their jewelry preferences to the ability to comfortably pay off their eventual offspring's college tuition without batting an eye. We are, after all, trained to recognize and respond to status symbols!

 

[kenny]

I thought diamond size measured the woman's worth.



I think I hear the doorbell . . . . Later.

 

[Farleysmom]

What about the sports figure who gave his wife a huge $8 million rock AFTER he cheated on her and got caught. Does it mean he loves her more??? Just asking!!!!!

Note: I was always under the assumption that there were 3 rings in a marriage:

1) engagement ring
2) wedding ring
3) suffering

....and the size of the last is proportional to the size of the first!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I don't think the size of the diamond equals how much a man loves a woman (or a man loves a man; or woman loves a woman!) but I would think it shady of a guy/girl to get a small diamond if they have the means and if their partner wants a larger diamond. It would almost seem like a slap in the face!

I do think that society places that sort of pressure on couples, but I also think it depends on where you are at in life and what your priorities are. I want a bigger diamond (mine is currently .84) but when DH and I got engaged all we would afford was a .50 on credit from the mall. He wanted to marry me so he got the smaller ring and proposed knowing that it's not the size of the diamond that really matters. We saved our money and I got an upgrade, which I love, but still want bigger. However, in life you have choices to make and for us, we are busy raising 2 young kids, settling into our first house and trying to pay off bills before we do any more diamond upgrades and I think that's reasonable. I live vicariously through PS'ers beautiful rings

 

[megumic]

I think that's just ridiculous.

 

[HollyS]

What I believe:

I believe that the ring doesn't guarantee the marriage.
I believe that the wedding industry has created outsized desires.
I believe that celebrities have too much influence on the values of the populace.
I believe that the guy who cannot afford the 2 ct ring he buys deserves the girl who thinks she should have it.
I believe that the guy for whom money is not an issue, who deliberately buys a smaller ring, is thinking only of himself.
I believe that a woman who demands a certain size should rethink the marriage, as should her hapless fiance.
I believe that men who won't buy diamonds, on the principle of not buying into the whole diamond marketing crap, are jackasses.

But, in the end, I believe everyone should be willing to marry with nothing more than a plain band. 'Cause it's not about a ring.

 

[JewelFreak]

If it's true, DH & I are in big doodoo. I didn't get an engagement ring. We've been miserable for 34 yrs & I didn't even know it!

 

[Laila619]

Interesting replies, everyone! Thanks for weighing in!

 

[AmeliaG]

When I see someone who has a larger diamond I just assume they had it in their budget to buy it, I don't make assumptions on their character or depth of love.
I don't necessarily think all people who make comments to the effect of "he must really love you" in reaction to a large diamond really mean it seriously, I think some people just say such things with a lighthearted sense of humour...

This. But 'Oooh, you must really be rich' sounds a little crass - 'He must love you a lot' sounds a whole lot better.

 

[MissStepcut]

Why on earth would a man propose to a woman he didn't deeply love? Nah, I wouldn't assume that (unless I had some reason to think he was settling). I'll admit though: if I thought he had an income that could easily afford a diamond in line with her expectations but he didn't, I would think he was cheap. Pennywise and pound foolish, actually.

 

[slg47]

so if my FI loved me more he would have gotten me a 2.5 ct I3??

 

[MissStepcut]

I think this is a stereotype that exists, but is only "politely" used when a person thinks the particular diamond is large. I suppose some guys might get grief for offering a very small stone, but that would be very rude to comment on! My daughter's friend got engaged with a ring that had no center stone mounted in it, yet she chose to wear it that way because they couldn't afford a stone at first. Who cares if you're in love. My daughter's best friend just got engaged with a peridot ring, and there's no judgement in that either. She liked the colour. My original ER has a .26ct diamond in it. I honestly didn't care at the time, and no one ever made a comment other than that the ring itself was pretty.

ETA: I think there are couples out there who do think this equation is valid in their social circles. I don't hold out much hope for such couples in the long run though. If it's a status thing, not a great start IMO.

(sorry, I have issues posting in PS, my computer constantly times out)

This seems a little unfair to me. Why should couples who are both a bit materialistic and status conscious not be able to have as happy and long-lasting a marriage as anyone else? BF's parents are as status conscious as anyone ever was, and going strong 30 years later. It certainly helps that they're on the same page about it. If you said "women" or "men" I would get where you're coming from, but when the couple both feels that way?

 

[ksinger]

If it's true, DH & I are in big doodoo. I didn't get an engagement ring. We've been miserable for 34 yrs & I didn't even know it!

LOL! Love this! A shocker to find out how much he's despised you all these years is it?

MY guy and I agreed on a budget (not a big one) and he told me to PLEASE go find something I wanted. He'd rather be disemboweled than try to buy jewelry for me, and knows that I know infinitely more about it than he ever could. For my part, I love him too much to put him through what would be intensely unpleasant for HIM. Win-win.

Honestly, I figure his trusting me with money is a bigger indication of how much he loves me than anything. That and the door-holding, cooking, homemade-tomato-soup-making (he doesn't like it, makes it just for me), conversing, etc.

 

[Skippy123]

I don't. I do notice where I live it is different. I have this very wealthy friend and her ring isn't fancy and she tells me how much she loves my 1.5 carat stone (not big at all by ps standards). Anyway, they have 3 x's the house of us in foothills and she drives a brand new bmw convertible so sure she could have a big diamond from her hubby, but he buys her cars. soooo I don't think a size of a stone = love. Now that I gave birth to my twins I think how much a guy loves you = the little things he does to help me out.

 

[violet3]

in answer to the question, no I don't think the size of a ring = the amount that a man loves a woman. Having said that, I think many people out there DO equate the two....it's sad but true. I think in our society, both men and women are guilty of having this stereotype in their minds.

I think there are women out there who say they'd be happy with whatever their fiance could afford, but secretly want a bigger ring because of what people think or the status symbol it brings with it. There are also plenty of men who make the same assumption and want others to see the big, beautiful ring that they could buy for their fiancee.

I had a girlfriend long ago who got engaged, and showed her BF her grandmother's ring and said that was exactly the size ring she would be comfortable wearing (it was around .5 carats and beautiful). When he did propose, he got her a close to 2 ct ring in a very ornate micropave setting that really wasn't her. After they divorced, she sold the ring and the diamond was not worth very much money - he had purchased a REALLY crummy diamond in order to get her the biggest diamond he could. The sad part is, it would have been one thing if she had been the type of woman who really WANTED big diamond, but she wasn't. He just wanted her to wear a big diamond for the very reason the OP asked the original question. very sad.

 

[maplefemme]

When I see someone who has a larger diamond I just assume they had it in their budget to buy it, I don't make assumptions on their character or depth of love.
I don't necessarily think all people who make comments to the effect of "he must really love you" in reaction to a large diamond really mean it seriously, I think some people just say such things with a lighthearted sense of humour...

This. But 'Oooh, you must really be rich' sounds a little crass - 'He must love you a lot' sounds a whole lot better.

Haha...something like that yes

 

[kama_s]

I usually don't give much thought about anyone's diamond other than the initial 'oooh pretty!'. Love, socioeconomic status, relationship etc vary WAY too much from individual to individual that making any sort of generalization is bound to be significantly incorrect.

 

[packrat]

Of COURSE it does!! That's why all the celebrities flaunting huge rocks have such close and loving and rewarding marriages that last SOOOO long.

I'm surprised JD and I have lasted almost 10 years..my original engagement ring was..I'm guessing .10cts? A melee ering pretty much. 10 years later we're still married and he'd do anything for me (even tho he obviously didn't love me to begin with...and we actually had a guy tell us that on our honeymoon, tho it was b/c he wouldn't buy me a time share..) and yet..a friend who flat out told me she was picking out a big ring b/c her soon to be fiance was a Dr and could afford a big ring and her exact words were "the more money he spends on it the more he loves me" and I told her that was asinine, is now separated and divorcing. Big diamond didn't have any lasting effect on fidelity there so what good was it?

 

[tigian]

What I believe:

I believe that the ring doesn't guarantee the marriage.
I believe that the wedding industry has created outsized desires.
I believe that celebrities have too much influence on the values of the populace.
I believe that the guy who cannot afford the 2 ct ring he buys deserves the girl who thinks she should have it.
I believe that the guy for whom money is not an issue, who deliberately buys a smaller ring, is thinking only of himself.
I believe that a woman who demands a certain size should rethink the marriage, as should her hapless fiance.
I believe that men who won't buy diamonds, on the principle of not buying into the whole diamond marketing crap, are jackasses.

But, in the end, I believe everyone should be willing to marry with nothing more than a plain band. 'Cause it's not about a ring.

Amen!

 

[diva rose]

I've never thought that before but I know I've always felt really awkward when people have made that statement to me.

If he *IS* able to buy a diamond of the size that she is requesting and instead gets her a .30, I wouldn't really think "wow he really must not love her!" Instead, I would be wondering WHY he ignored her request.

Most likely because he is cheap. Some people don't want to spend money on things and aren't generous with their money. So in this case, it just reflects the type of person the guy is.

 

[Dancing Fire]

so if my FI loved me more he would have gotten me a 2.5 ct I3??

no,then they'll say...he must not love you very much.he bought you a salt & pepper diamond..

 

[VRBeauty]

I'm guilty of having said "wow, he must really love you."

Not because I equate diamond size with how much the giver loves the recipient, but because seemed more polite than saying what I was really thinking - "wow, that must have cost a fortune," or "wow, how could he possibly have afforded that???" And I hope and trust whoever I said that to wouldn't think that I equate the size of the rock in any way to the strength of their love or relationship!

I think I'll slink off now to practice saying "wow, that's really beautiful."