Sister Wives on TLC

[Trekkie]

Great. Great decision by men if everything is "pure" and the "wives" decide that those are their wishes.

I have a really different take on this whole matter and my hands are shaking as I type. I have thought about this for days, whether to post, whether to stfu, whether to post anonymously, etc. Might as well just post.

My ex-husband was perfectly willing and pressured me to "live the dream" of HIM living a double life (in his own words). He wanted to be married to me, and have this other life in which we would partake in sexual activities outside of our marriage. I won't go into detail about the things he wanted me to participate in. Let me just say that multiple people were involved, and I was adverse to all of it. His rationale was that no one would ever know. I did not want any of it on my conscience and I never condoned any of it--but he was very insistent. I blatantly ignored his wishes and I was very defiant in the relationship. I always knew I could not be a part of what he wanted.

I don't think that polygamy is any different than that. Therefore, it totally disgusts me. I don't think it's right, I don't think it does anyone ANY good, and I don't think it's fair for anyone involved, including relatives, children, or friends. I think it's ridiculous and an excuse for someone to live out his (lacking the proper adjective) ridiculous fantasies!

Try telling your parents why you didn't stay married/came home/had to live with them for 8 months. Try telling all of your friends and family that "things just didn't work out."

It was horrible. These 4 women have absolutely been brainwashed, and their children...well, they'll go on and live somewhat productive lives. Thanks "Dad."

Disgusting. What happened to marriage between two people? What are same sex couples fighting for in this country? Are we going to fight next for "whatever, wherever, whenever?""" Then what does marriage mean??? I'm totally lost.

I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences, Monarch.

I'm usually a very laid back person and I am usually quite ok with the fact that other people sometimes choose to define "marriage" as something different from the views I hold.

In South Africa, our president is married to several wives and he has a number of children out of wedlock, too. In terms of his cultural beliefs, he feels this is perfectly acceptable, as do the women he is married to. My grandmother's (adoptive) brother has two wives. He is Muslim and his culture is completely ok with this, too.

However, both these men are quite old (60+) and I think South African culture is evolving to view polygamy as something done by older people who have had different life experience, frequently people who were themselves the product of polygamous relationships. Very few people my age (26) would enter into a polygamous relationship and I think the Western influence is slowly eradicating this practice.

However, far too many men still have relationships outside of marriage... I wonder if we'll ever find out why?

 

[LAJennifer]

I've been watching and I still think that Kody is "in the closet". I don't see a personal "connection" between him and any one of his wives (new one included). It is plain to me that none of the wives receive any real intimacy and they rely on each other for companionship. This was evident to me when Meri said she thinks about leaving, but never would because of the children. I just get the sense that Kody's motivation in this lifestyle is, "maybe I'll be attracted to the next one . . . "


Monnie - I am so sorry for what you went through. I'm so happy you have a great one now! You deserve the best!

 

[somethingshiny]

I really hate the entire polygamy thing in every way. But, my analytical nature just can't seem to comprehend the NON-religious aspect of this particular "family." Calling it religion certainly doesn't make it right, but it gives it a certain foundation I guess. The true "religious" polygamists think they're doing the will of God. These people are just nuts (not that the others aren't took, just a bit differently to me)

Still completely confused and becoming more and more devastated for the children. It completely makes my stomach turn when that man kisses his children. And I really hate how "cool" he tries to be. Long hair, 2 seater car, really? I just wanna smack him.

Monnie~ I'm glad you did post and not just stfu. Reading all different views and experiences relating to anything of this nature just helps us all to really think about what's going on.

eta~ I am still not entirely sure I want this posted, but it follows in line with Monnie's experience. I have a cousin whose husband suggested many less than savory activities take place in their bedroom including filming her and another man. When my cousin knew that the end of her marriage was coming, she gave into a couple of his requests. She cried through the entire experience, felt betrayed and used by her husband and finally divorced him. She still suffers emotionally. Sex is so much more than a simple physical activity and even if a person agrees at the time, they may still be injured, I believe this is also true for the children who witness it.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Although I think it's unconventional, and I personally could never be happy living that lifestyle, I really don't see much wrong with it. I don't have any extreme adversive reactions to the show. All the woman seem to be perfectly happy and have voluntarily agreed to enter a polygamous family. Yes, there are some jealousy issues, but many marriages have jealousy issues, not just polygamists. They are all consenting, intelligent adults. None of them were forced to marry him. Far as I am concerned, there are way worse things in this world than people who want to marry multiple partners. They can do whatever they please, it doesn't affect my life one bit. Yes, it might be slightly akward for their children, but they live in a community where polygamy is more commonplace so I doubt they feel that stigmatized. At the end of the day, they have not only 2 loving, caring parents, but 5! In terms of child development, that's the most important thing! The only part that seems a bit off/unfair to me is the fact that the woman also can't take on more husbands!

Monarch, although I feel terrible you had to go through such a horrific experience with your ex, I don't think it's fair to compare that situation to polygamy... You entered that marriage with the expectation, and morals and values to match, that you would be dedicated to this one man and vice versa for the rest of your life (i.e. monogamy). When he didn't follow through on those commitments, he crossed the line. This is a very different scenario where the woman not only expect their husbands to marry more woman, but actually want them to for cultural/religious reasons.

Please let us not forget that monogamous marriages are also a social construct and a product of religious beliefs as well...

 

[packrat]

SS, I'm sorry your cousin went thru that and is still suffering b/c of it. I just can't imagine.

Monnie, I'm sorry he was such a dillhole to you. I'm glad you said something tho..maybe a little therapeutic to get it out?

I don't really "get" polygamy..I guess I just see it as a way for a guy to make it w/several different women. Like the whole time he's thinking "Dude I can't believe they're falling for this crap-how awesome am I??"

Having said that, were he Johnny Depp, I could totally see why women would do it. I'd do it.

 

[slg47]

Monnie-I am so sorry you had to go through that. I am wishing you much happiness with your FI.

I don't really "get" polygamy..I guess I just see it as a way for a guy to make it w/several different women

This is what FI said when we watched the show...like...the only net is that he is with multiple women and it is 'okay' in their lifestyle. Otherwise, how is it different than being good friends with your neighbors?

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Whether or not this guy is in the closet or he's doing this for personal, not religious, reasons, it comes down to the fact that they're consenting adults. Who am I to judge what these people do in their own homes?

Are the kids brainwashed? I dunno. They seem pretty well-adjusted to me. How is the children seeing this as "normal" any more farfetched than convincing your children that Mary had a baby but she was a virgin. Or that gay people are going to burn in hell? Parents pass lessons like that on to their children every day in this country. Yet we don't call it brainwashing.

People do things under the guise of religion every single day. Saying "how can they call themselves fundamentalists if they're allowing their children to choose this lifestyle" is like saying "how can a homosexual call themselves Catholic?" People pick and choose which parts of their religion to follow.

I have a "live and let live" thought process about this show.

 

[miraclesrule]

Monarch...that sucks. Good for you for being defiant.

I am all for consenting adults engaging in activity if it doesn't create unnecessary emotional and/or physical wounds for the children involved. Having said that, I once met a man who said he was polyamorous. I had no idea what that meant. I had to Goggle it. I passed on that dude. He knew how to wait on women and I'm sure was the best "cover" for a closet lesbian, but well...it was too wierd. I stopped online dating after guy.

When they have a show with multiple husbands....maybe I'll watch it.

 

[onedrop]

Although I think it's unconventional, and I personally could never be happy living that lifestyle, I really don't see much wrong with it. I don't have any extreme adversive reactions to the show. All the woman seem to be perfectly happy and have voluntarily agreed to enter a polygamous family. Yes, there are some jealousy issues, but many marriages have jealousy issues, not just polygamists. They are all consenting, intelligent adults. None of them were forced to marry him. Far as I am concerned, there are way worse things in this world than people who want to marry multiple partners. They can do whatever they please, it doesn't affect my life one bit. Yes, it might be slightly akward for their children, but they live in a community where polygamy is more commonplace so I doubt they feel that stigmatized. At the end of the day, they have not only 2 loving, caring parents, but 5! In terms of child development, that's the most important thing! The only part that seems a bit off/unfair to me is the fact that the woman also can't take on more husbands!

I have to agree with everything that was written here. I cannot see myself living in the same lifestyle, but the women involved and the kids seem to be very well-adjusted. I can think of worse scenarios that exist in the world.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

I WON'T watch the show. They guy it too smug and smarmy for me., He gives me the creeps..he has a smile that is just so oily--like he thinkj's he's some kind of stub or something. Yikes, I need a shower.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Not sure if this has already been covered but do we know what he does for a living?

 

[somethingshiny]

He said what he did in the first episode. I think it was something along the lines of advertising but I can't remember for sure. Whatever it was, he said he sometimes worked 60 hrs a week but had opportunities to have long weekends whenever he wanted.

Sounds like the second wife is the real workhorse and bringer of bacon.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Not sure if this has already been covered but do we know what he does for a living?

Advertising sales, I believe. Not sure what kind; if it's radio, tv, print, etc. There's definitely a decent living to be made doing it. It also allows for a lot of freedom in the hours you work.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Gotcha! Thanks ladies. I remember the second wife works also. Still there are a lot of mouths to feed. Plus wife one is in school ($$$) Is the new wife/kids going to move into the house or get a different place?

 

[LadyBlue]

I wonder if the 4th wife works, maybe that's why they are adding her .

I think having one of the moms looking over all the kids helps a lot. Paying for daycare of babysitting it's so expensive .

 

[monarch64]

Trekkie, thanks for your input. I totally "get" that different cultures have different levels of acceptance when it comes to this sort of thing, and I'm in no way opposed to people who get together and unanimously agree that that is the lifestyle they want to lead.

Thanks to everyone else who commented on my post and offered kind words. It was not a fun thing to go through. I'd like to be able to say I learned a lot about myself because of it, but that's not true. I just learned again that I had to stand up for myself and my beliefs and not put up with someone else bullying me into something I didn't want any part of. I already knew that going in.

What I dislike about what takes place in the United States with swinging, as they call it here (and I understand that this is different from polygamy/polyandry/whatever), is the deceit. If there is one single thing I cannot abide, it is dishonesty, plain and simple.

Perhaps I am the one who needs to evolve and learn acceptance, but I don't think I can ever agree with polygamy in any shape or form. People in this country have fought for so many years just for equality between men and women, and equality for GLBT, equality in marital rights, etc. Maybe I have a problem with people who hide their lifestyle. I would rather it were out in the open and accepted, I guess, like we are striving for with GLBT rights. Then MAYBE I could come to terms with it. My personal experiences have shaped my opinions. Maybe there will come a time that polygamy doesn't seem so sinister and I will be able to reconcile my feelings about it. Never say never, I guess.

My posts here aren't meant to be argumentative. Everyone has valid points, and whomever it was that pointed out that I knew going into my marriage that we were committing to a monogamous lifestyle vs. polygamists who went in willing with a different set of rules, you are right. I did want to post my experience, though, because I do believe that not all people who are involved in swinging or polygamy are doing it totally willingly. We humans are easily influenced sometimes.

This is a great discussion. I am always interested in learning here on PS and this thread is no exception...I just can't stomach the thought of watching this show but am open to reading all the comments which is really contradictory, but as they say, oh well.

 

[LadyBlue]

This Sunday, Wife No.1 was telling the husband that she was feeling jealous of him marrying a new wife and she wanted him to understand and acknowledge her feelings. She said how would you feel if I was with another man. And he said: The idea of her with another man was disturbing and vulgar .

Very hypocrite.

 

[somethingshiny]

Okay, here are the new random thoughts on the show from me.

Did you see wife #2 car? Her window is TAPED up. The husband drives a freakin' Lexus and #2 can't even have a car with basic working parts?!?

#3 is in LABOR at the hospital and husband is talking to the dr about in vitro for #1. Really? Can the one in labor have a full day, she is giving birth to your child, dumbass! He also says that it's inappropriate to be kissing a girlfriend while wife is in labor, but does it anyway.

#1 is at dinner with hubby and states her jealousies, he says "it would sicken me to think of you with another man." Um, yeah.

#1 is in Mexico with hubby and he "surprises" her by telling her he'll get her in vitro fertilization. She says no. Later, he says she didn't say no strongly enough so he wasn't done yet.

 

[princesss]

Crap! I totally missed this week's episodes.

 

[somethingshiny]

If you have On Demand, you should be able to get them. Otherwise I think they repeat on Wed nights.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Anyone know if they canceled the show? The commercial for the next episode keeps saying it's the "season finale."

 

[somethingshiny]

It's rumored that Kody is currently being investigated, so maybe they can't film anymore. Although, they always run 2 episodes back to back, so maybe they crammed in a short season that way?