She stole my thunder!

[diane5006]

Wow sorry to hear opf your friend in hospital...hope he is feeling better...

B1...go ahead get engaged...and 'forget' to tell you friend...tell everyone else though

 

[ame]

Date: 11/11/2004 1:28:16 PM
Author: pearcrazy

OK, well maybe I''m giving the friend too much the benefit of the doubt here but if I were her and I wanted to marry my boyfriend

If I misread this then tell me but what I caught from Beautiful''s original post was that this girl was going to DUMP the boyfriend and only wanted to get engaged to him because she knew that Beautiful was close to engagement. It sounds like spiteful bitchiness and greed (for a ring) to me, not true love and desire for marriage.

 

[Beautifu1]

Ame I think your right...I really think it was for the ring. Who knows, they may have ended up getting engaged eventually but probably not so soon. I''m definitely planning on dropping her as a "best"friend. I''m not the type that could just drop her completely and I do wish the best for them but that doesnt change the fact that I feel she betrayed our trust. I''m just disappointed- honestly guys I was considering this girl as my maid of honor...I guess thats why it hurts so much.

 

[yanekie25]

Sorry you feel so hurt. Regardless, you should let her know your feelings. If she was ever a true friend, she should at least understand. Wish you the best on your engagement and marriage.

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

I recognize and understand your pain, I''m sorry of I sounded all doom and gloom, but it''s been an emotional day. It''s great that there''s a place like pricescope to vent and get other folks opinions you find out your not so different from everyone else. As for my friends Fiance, the operation is tommorrow and I''m praying for both of them.

If this "FRIEND" is doing this to you now what will she do later. This is an act of insecurtiy, it''s the hardest thing to live life to the beat of your own drum. Try not to dwell in it. It''s her problem and no reflection on you. By all means you should get engaged as soon as possible!!!! have a party and celebrate your love for each other and the next phase in your life together.

 

[Beautifu1]

LuvThatSparkle

I''ll pray for your friends...they are lucky to have someone like you there for them. Goodluck and thanks again

 

[ame]

Seriously, this girl isn''t even FRIEND material, let alone bridesmaid or best friend. Phase her out of your life and "forget" to tell her about your engagement. She''s not worth your time.

Let us know how your engagement goes, we wanna know ALL about it!

 

[Beautifu1]

Most awkward thing just happen to me! Someone sent me a private message talking about people I dont know. She seemed pretty pissed. I guess this occurrence isn''t as odd as I would have suspected?!

 

[ame]

Must have been a booboo.

 

[orbaya]

Since that couple sounds like they were on the verge of breaking up, but then suddenly got engaged...I''m guessing the chances of that marriage working out is slim. I could be wrong, but their situation doesn''t seem like it would. You and your boyfriend seem to be happy and in a loving relationship and will stand the test of time.

I agree with everyone else...don''t let their engagement "steal your thunder" and put off yours. They got engaged on "your" day...so what? You are letting this couple dictate your special moment and allowing them to put a damper on what is supposed to be a very special moment in your lives. I also don''t understand why you feel the need to wait until February to get engaged. Get engaged now, and you can show off your ring during the holidays! That is fun...plus you will be excited that others will be very happy for you. It''s really a great time, and I just can''t put that feeling into words. Don''t put it off.

 

[SJS1234]

I''m in agreement with most everyone else! I don''t even think she can steal your thunder though -- I mean I know you''re hurt (I would be SO PISSED) but everyone associated with you and with her KNOW that YOUR relationship (unlike hers) has been going strong for all of these years, and I seriously think that you should be able to rise up out of this and be extremely excited about getting engaged right now! Forget about her! She''s a joke! and her boyfriend/fiance/whatever seems completely clueless! Everyone sees that!

This same thing happened very recently to a girl I know who had been with her boyfriend for several years. Her boyfriend confided in the girl''s sister that he was going to propose, and that he had already bought the ring -- and GUESS WHAT?!?!?! Suddenly the sister and her boyfriend of less than a year got engaged -- TOTALLY undermined everything he had planned. NOW if he proposes to his girlfriend, both she and her family thinks he finally did it just because the sister did. unbelievable. AND the younger sister and her boyfriend live in loveydovey lal-a land -- they can''t figure out howto pay their bills or hold down jobs or anything. He''s not even working right now. BUT he managed to get a bigger ring than the other, long-term boyfriend. Unbelievably tacky. Disgusting, actually!! SO yeah, unfortunately there are nasty people out there.

At least your friend is not "family" -- Kick that wench to the curb! She''s selfish and completely not concerned with what makes you happy!

Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

[glitterata]

Maybe this is a generation thing or something--I''m probably a lot older than most of the posters on this thread--but I don''t understand why this is a big deal. What''s the rush to get engaged? How does the timing of your friend''s engagement affect you? People get engaged and married all the time. Why is doing it first any better than doing it later?

 

[ootthibo]

Glitterata-

I agree with you totally. What really is the big deal? I am apparently in almost the same exact situation however; I am the “horrible best friend”.

I go to school with two wonderful people, who are getting engaged sometime in the foreseeable future. They, like you have been together for years. When my friend told me about them looking at rings and picking out stones I started talking with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for over a year and a half (and been good friends with for over 5 years) about possibly buying a ring. We had talked about marriage from almost the beginning, not because we were crazy but because we were in love with each other as friends first, so marriage was the next natural step for us.

Well anyway, as soon as my friend started talking about engagement I really started getting excited for them and so I started my search for a perfect ring. So, when I came upon a diamond that I thought was a really good buy and I fell in love with, we bought it. I in no way meant to undermine my best friend’s engagement. And, I know if she told me she was uncomfortable or mad at me for getting engaged so close to her (if that is what really happens) I would have told my boyfriend to call hers, find out when he was proposing and not ask me within a month of them.

Beautiful1—

If I was you, I honestly wouldn’t let all this bother you. You should have told your friend how you felt, if she was a true friend she would have done anything to fix it and make you happy. It kind of seems like you have ruined both of your engagements by having so much animosity towards her. Does she even know how you feel? If not you should tell her (b/c if you don’t then your not fullfilling your obligation as a friend, by being honest). Maybe she really didn’t know what she was doing. I know until I came across this post I never once thought of my situation in the same light. I would hope my friend knows I would never “steal her thunder” and if my engagement was going to ruin hers in anyway, I would postpone mine (because after all they were the ones to buy the ring first and I have respect for them). Actually, I always thought it would be cool if we got engaged at the same time…then we could share all the thrill together (isn’t that what friends are for?)

And you certainly should not have to wait to get engaged. Your engagement should be a joyous time in your life. Don’t you feel like all these feeling your holding against your friend is going to ruin your happiness when you FF actually pops the question?

Also, like many others have said the engagement is supposed to be about you and your beau and no one else. If she is indeed trying to get at you, that’s exactly what she’s doing, and why would you let someone else ruin your moment. I know for me and my boyfriend, nothing is going to ruin our moment. I don’t care if all of my friends get engaged at the same time. Actually to me, that would be pretty cool because we could all be happy at the same time (and not to mention plan our weddings together).

And, really it sounds like you’re the one with the issues about having the “spot light”. All of your mutual friends are going to be happy for the all four of you whether you get engaged at the same time or days to weeks to years apart. I mean, to me it kinda sounds like you want to get engaged at a different time because you are seeking attention. Why not share the “spot light” with your friend? If she is truly your friend then it wouldn’t matter, you would be happy for her, she would be happy for you and everyone would be happy.

Good luck with everything and I really hope you can work things out with your friend and that it doesn’t ruin your engagement.

 

[goldengirl]

I''m on the side that sees this friend''s actions as intentional and a childish game of "I''m Better Than You".

Don''t share your ideas for your wedding, and don''t tell her the date and the place until you''re sure she can''t book it at the same spot the day before!

 

[kaya]

I guess I am in the minority, but I dont see why another friends engagment should affect yours/your happiness or putting your plans on hold. That seems to suck, hopefully your bf wont delay too long. Im making an assumption, but it seems like your projecting the level of importance on that momment when it may not be the case for your friend and they dont hold that e-proposal momment to that same level and they dont think it is a big deal. I''m not sure maybe my friends and I react differently to good news. But to give you an example, two of my friends and me all got engaged in a two week time span last month. One because it was their anniversary, and we all suspected her bf would propose, me- because i was visiting my bf and knew my ring was completed so it probably would have been on that trip and it was, and another- same thing their ring was ready, and it was spur of the momment thing. We all came to my other friends bridal shower/staggette sporting our e-rings and shared engagement stories with all of our friends and we have the same cirlce of friends. Just my two cents. I dont think it should be race or competition. In fact, another friend saw my e-ring and wants her bf to buy one exactly like mine. Thats cool and flattering, I told my fiancee and he said tell her bf to come speak to him. I gave her the vendor name and the designer name. Im sure this is the minortiy view or only my view. Good luck hopefully your engament momment will be as beautiful as you both want it and dont let anyone spoil it. Its a matter of mindset. Forgive my spelling.

 

[Beautifu1]

Hi all! Well after listening to many of the posts here AND after getting caught up in the middle of ootthibo and Holly's situation, I realized they were being ridiculous not to just talk to her and I as well was being ridiculous not to just talk to my "friend". So I did it, called her up and suggested we have lunch today and she agreed. Before I told her anything I asked her to just hear me out before jumping to conclusions or something. Than I explained how it really crushed my feelings what she did but I know its partially my own fault because I should have spoken to her about it as soon as it started bothering me. I then explained I have no excuse but the reason I did not say anything was because I fretted I would ruin her engagement or that she may take it the wrong way or something. Well steam practically shot out of her ears...I am not joking. Well then a friend of ours spotted us and sat down for a minute and instead of waiting 2 minutes to be alone- She screams out- "I can't believe you, you are the one who is copying me and you have been jealous of us from the beginning"- screaming and all right in front of a mutual friend. All I could utter was what?! A sat there completely dumbfounded. Then she shoves her hand in our friends face and says "see- this is what shes jealous of. But we all know amanda and zach (my ff) aren't gonna last but shes gotta try to prove something.." She said more I dont even remember.(curse words involved)

I got up and left. Crying. I can not believe what just happened. My friend has always been somewhat of a drama queen but this was just crazy. She basically flopped the story and played victim or something. I have never seen her act like that. Fourteen years of friendship and I feel like I dont even know the person I just saw. I am so crushed. I feel like she has gone loopy.

 

[Poker face]

I''m so sorry you went through that. I hope you''re done with this person once and for all. I''m not sure how old you are Beautifu1, but this so called friend acts like an insane childish drama queen. Honestly, I knew girls like this in high school and I''m not friends with them anymore for a reason. Do you really want to maintain a friendship with people like her?? I sure as h*ll wouldn''t. It''s not much consolation, but I have to believe that freaks like this get what they deserve. I hope you can move forward, forget about this b*tch and enjoy your own engagement when it happens.

 

[Patty]

Amanda, as painful as this was, you just have to know that the pain will pass. It has shown you what kind of sad person your friend is. You need to not get caught up in her insanity. Try to carry on independently and with class. Do not lower yourself to her level. Get engaged when it is right for YOU and your boyfriend.

 

[givemediamonds]

Wow Beautifu1 that really sucks. Why have you been friends with someone like this for such a long time if she acts like that? 14 years, seems like her true colors would have shown through by now.

My best advice would to be get engaged as soon as possible and flaunt your rock in front of her as much as possible.

What shape did you guys finally decide on?

Good luck with everything!

 

[sevens one]

Date: 11/10/2004 11:17:11 PM
Author: sevens one

Sorry Beautiful, but your ''friend'' sucks. Ditch her.

Like I said.....

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

this girl has issues... she is no friend, you don''t need someone like that in your life. confide in your mutual friends, they will take your side and you won''t be alone

get engaged when you both feel ready, don''t let her spoil what is your moment. and whenever you get engaged, be sure to post pics

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

interesting article about how other people get jealous when you get engaged

http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=A00830184951&keywordID=167&keywordType=2&parentID=533

 

[headlight]

Beautiful1,

First off, congratulations on YOUR engagement and such a fabulous ring.

Honestly, the fact that they "rushed" their engagement really is no reflection on you. Who knows what they were originally planning or where they were headed before they got engaged... they may have discussed it without your knowledge. In all honesty, it is pretty difficult to get a guy to jump out and buy an engagement ring just because some other girl is getting engaged. Guys just don't work like that. This is clearly something he had planned on. And perhaps your friend "almost" broke up with him because she was getting frustrated that there hadn't yet been a proposal, most likely based on the words he had expressed in that direction or his actions in regards to ring shopping, etc. We really don't know. Just because they had dated less time than you doesn't mean they can't get engaged. My DH and I were engaged 9 months after we started dating and it would have been sooner but he was waiting until after his sister's wedding to propose. We were married 13 months after our first date and we've been married for 15 years now, stilll totally nuts over each other! My parents got engaged after three months of dating and they've been married for 46 years, so it is entirely possible.

Also, the fact that she got engaged right at the same time as you is VERY normal. These things tend to go in waves, be it with the engagements, the weddings, or the babies. I've been through all those stages and I have to enlighten you and say that you are not the only one in the world who is going to have special times. While the world stood still in your eyes over your proposal, the rest of the world was actually still living and doing "its" thing.

What really "grabbed" at me and what makes my heart go out to you is how she treated you at that lunch. This struck a cord because I, too, was the "best" of friends with a woman for 12 years. We were like sisters. We have gone through having our kids and everything. Then she got divorced and totally turned on me and my husband and our children (who were her g-d children). I saw her true colors. Actually, I guess (I know) they were always there but I turned a blind eye toward it because while she was horrible to others at times, she was always great to me. I was naive to think she wouldn't one day turn on me, as well. I'm sure if you reflect, you will see that your friend was always this way.

You are so much better off without her. You are both now venturing on the new paths of your lives; just accept that you were at a "juncture" and now are going to travel on different roads. This is life.

Embrace the goodness in your life and share it with those who take joy in your happiness. Forget about the others.

 

[hoorray]

The older I get, the more I know and see everyday the definition of a real friend. I have friends that are fun to do things with, but my litmus test is something along the lines of "if I were in trouble how would they respond". Many people will only respond if it is convienent and no hardship to themselves. A real friend doesn''t think twice about the impact on them -- they will be there for you. This "friend" wound''t pass my litmus test, I''m sure.

The ones that pass this test are the ones that I work to keep the friendship with. The ones that don''t come and go.

I''m sorry to hear about this whole issue, and hope it blows over quickly. Focus on your future and the good people in your life.

 

[diamondlil]

Date: 11/12/2004 5:52:15 PM
Author: Beautifu1

Hi all! Well after listening to many of the posts here AND after getting caught up in the middle of ootthibo and Holly''s situation, I realized they were being ridiculous not to just talk to her and I as well was being ridiculous not to just talk to my ''friend''. So I did it, called her up and suggested we have lunch today and she agreed. Before I told her anything I asked her to just hear me out before jumping to conclusions or something. Than I explained how it really crushed my feelings what she did but I know its partially my own fault because I should have spoken to her about it as soon as it started bothering me. I then explained I have no excuse but the reason I did not say anything was because I fretted I would ruin her engagement or that she may take it the wrong way or something. Well steam practically shot out of her ears...I am not joking. Well then a friend of ours spotted us and sat down for a minute and instead of waiting 2 minutes to be alone- She screams out- ''I can''t believe you, you are the one who is copying me and you have been jealous of us from the beginning''- screaming and all right in front of a mutual friend. All I could utter was what?! A sat there completely dumbfounded. Then she shoves her hand in our friends face and says ''see- this is what shes jealous of. But we all know amanda and zach (my ff) aren''t gonna last but shes gotta try to prove something..'' She said more I dont even remember.(curse words involved)

I got up and left. Crying. I can not believe what just happened. My friend has always been somewhat of a drama queen but this was just crazy. She basically flopped the story and played victim or something. I have never seen her act like that. Fourteen years of friendship and I feel like I dont even know the person I just saw. I am so crushed. I feel like she has gone loopy.

OMG, I am with SevensOne -- Ditch her!

DiamondLil

 

[chantal990]

Hi,

I can understand wher you are coming from totally with this one. I have a couple I know who are very, very similar.

My FH and I were looking for a house to buy put a offer in on one and the next weekend they had brought the first house they looked at which he later confessed he didn''t like but brought to shut her up. We booked a holiday interstate they booked one for 1 month later and in the same place as we had just been !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We had gotten engaged on our holiday (completely rommantic deserted island picnic) and the whole time they were on holiday and for the few weeeks before this poor guy was copping pressure from his girlfriend to get engaged.

It''s horrible cause everything that we do in our relationship ends up getting copied by these people that now we just don''t even bother with them cause we are sick of their competative drive.

Ditch them and relax and enjoy your engagement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[yanekie25]

I am so sorry. As one of those posts that suggested you speak with her. Her actions were just awful. She is definitely not your friend and obviously has insecurity issues. You need to cut ties and don''t look back, at all.

This is the bad me talking.

I would get engaged ASAP, and flaunt my happiness which she seems to be lacking. Okay, good me now

, no need to flaunt. She realizes what you have and what she doesn''t and that is what bothers her. Don''t let her steal that from you, don''t give her the benefit.

 

[goldengirl]

Beautiful, she obviously realizes something is lacking in herself and tries to make up for it by flaunting a normal facade. She is probably scared and confused and quite frankly I doubt they''ll last to the wedding.

Put her out of your mind--she''s shown you exactly how much consideration she deserves. Ignore her entirely and go about your business on your own schedule. You and your fi2b are ready to take that next step, so take it. And I''d no longer call her a friend.

 

[fortheloveofdiamonds]

I am sad to hear what happened to you. It is unfortunate that your bf postponed the engagement because of all this silliness. This day was (your anniv) was special to you both and it is unfortunate to hear that he let it be ruined by this other couple''s engagement.

I never talk about my upgrade. I figure they''ll see it when they see it! At least you know not to share wedding details!

 

[givemediamonds]

So what did you and your FF finally decide to do?

There will always be people in this world who are jealous or angry or hurtful. You just gotta filter them out and live your life.