She stole my thunder!

[Beautifu1]

Okay. First I''d like to say that I''ve lurked here for a long time and this site has been like a godsend. After just 5 full years (2 days ago) of dating my future fiance and I started researching for my 2ct. rock

a few months ago. We found a great bargain online thanks to all the research I found on here. Then I told my FF how I would prefer the setting and I think he had the ring custom made so that I could have it just so. So now is the waiting.

But now that all of that is out of the way, heres the story I really need to get off my chest and the one that finally made me post something on here. Ok, so after purchasing the stone, me being the stupid, naive, overly-excited person I apparently am decided to tell a "very close" friend. This friend has a boyfriend of a short time (maybe a year- odd situation). I figured I could share the excitement with her. And we did- she got so excited she started talking to her BF about marriadge and such. I expected this. But I did not expect her to, within 2 weeks of me tellng her, convince her BF (who 3 weeks ago she almost broke up with) to go out and pick out a ring. Thats still fine with me. But here''s the real wower- she knew my FF was going to propose to me on our anniversary (2 days) ago and so did her BF - they know us well. Well, despite knowing his plans, they just got engaged right before when he was planning to propose to me! At our anniv dinner he told me why he''d been so upset the last couple of days and that he was indeed planning on popping the Question that day but decided not to when he learned of our friends recent proposal. I''m just upset because they knew of his plan

So now I have to wait until at least Feb (the holidays are way too hectic for us). Am I wrong in being upset? I mean I''m definitely happy for them, but I feel like shes doing it cause she found out I am and she wants to beat me or something? I just feel really betrayed. Maybe I''m just being selfish but I dont know- she doesnt seem to feel bad at all. Sorry for my pouting...

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

you have every right to be angry!!! what she did was totally out of order!!!

 

[Beautifu1]

I like tiffany-

thanks for the support. I just look back on it and think to myself- I would have never done that to a friend. Especially not such a good friend like her. And it was our anniversary. I hate having to pretend to be happy for her.The worst part is shes acting like there is nothing wrong but I totally sense that she knows what she did. I''m trying to be the bigger person. Its too bad we all have the same group of friends and see eachother often....I guess I''ll slowly start distancing myself from them. thanks again- you made me feel better

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

imho, she has no common decency or respect, especially given that you are/were close friends. she is utterly without class.

what do your other, mutual friends think of the way she has behaved?

 

[pearcrazy]

I'm a little confused, why is it that you can't get engaged at the same time as your girlfriend? I got engaged exactly the same day as one of my best friends. Her BF whisked her off to the Bahamas for a quick trip and we knew that's what was going to happen since he'd enlisted our help in surprising her with it. So if your reason holds up then my and my DH shouldn't have gotten engaged on what turned out to be the same time? We weren't with them on the trip, but were back home. My DH already had the ring and was waiting for my parents to come into town to give it to me and ask their permission.

Were the 4 of you out to dinner together and he did it? If that were the case then , yes, I would have been upset, but if they just happened to pick the same day or week then I don't understand what the big deal is. I certainly don't think it's a big enough deal to have you waiting until Feb. to get engaged when everything is ready now.

Just my .02 but since you asked....

 

[Beautifu1]

tiffany- dont really want to tell me other friends cause we''re not engaged yet but i''m dying to ask- thats why I posted here.

pear crazy- I think your situation is different- and i dont think there is anything wrong with that getting engaged the same time as your friend. But thats not how I would want it to be (just personal preference- we share everything with our friends but this is something I would want to be for us) and they know that.......Anyways my FF and I both feel like they are rushing it to beat us or something. It would be an immensely long story to give every detail. But here are some of the reasons we feel this way: we had our ring 1.5 weeks from completion when I told her about our plans (it took us months before that of course to find the ring) and the next day or so shes telling me how she had a convo with her BF and was upset cause he was not ready and she didn''t understand. Then they almost seriously broke up...then next thing I know she told me they went and got a ring (which she hid from me for a little while i think). And she was constantly asking my FF when he was gonna do it, etc etc. I dont know...its hard to explain. I feel like this girl knows us very well - well enough to know that we would want this to be personal (not just me, my FF as well). And in previous convos, when we had all talked about engagements it was never an urgent issue to her until I told her about us- then with in less than 2 weeks almost they start their hunt and finish. I just feel like I''ve been betrayed - not that your situation is at all the same pearcrazy. So please dont think I''m saying that.

 

[Beautifu1]

oh another thing - i know she''d be angry/jealous if we got engaged right after them even though we planned it first- I just know her. Even though they werent thoughtful enough to consider us- I can''t do that to her. I dont want her to hate me. I just dont think I can trust her anymore and I can''t be friends with people I can''t trust ya know? And then the holidays roll in and its just way too hectic for us that time of year.

 

[MrsFrk]

She absolutely rushed her BF into an engagement so that she could be engaged before you. Some people are just like that. You have every right to be pissed, I would be to. She knows EXACTLY what she has done, and how it has hurt you.

Now you need to move past it. Who the heck cares if she is going to be upset if you get engaged right after her? Your engagement is between you and your boyfriend, postponing your plans because of her is giving her the power to determine when you get engaged, which is ridiculous. You and your man have given this marriage a lot of thought, she seems to have planned about as much as Nicky Hilton. At the end of the day, a solid, happy marriage is in your future, the likelihood of hers lasting is not high.

Congratulations on your impending engagement, remember to post pics!

 

[Beautifu1]

thanks MrsFrsk

The more I think about it the more I think maybe we should just go on and do it before the holidays. I just dont want to hurt her feelings if that makes sense. But I think my FF more than anything doesnt want to have it so close to them. Just a weird situation. I guess all that matters is that we love eachother a great deal and already feel engaged and even married. Thanks everyone...I still dont know what we''re gonna do but we''ll see

 

[psuheather]

I agree COMPLETELY with Mrsfrk...In fact, I think she stole the words right out of my mouth. I think that we have all known people like this before. The fact of the matter is, they are so insecure and unoriginal that they have to steal other people''s ideas and pass them off as their own. The way I get through these types of situations is #1--Realize at this point what type of friend this person is and adjust accordingly (obviously you can no longer trust her with your secrets or your feelings) and #2--if anything, just feel sorry for your friend. She obviously in some way looks up to you wishes that she had with her boyfriend what you have with yours...and, as Mrsfrk said, I feel sorry for a person that takes such a huge decision so lightly. It''s very apparent that her engagment has nothing to do with the deep love and respect that you and your boyfriend seem to share.

I actually know of a situation similar to this (not in that anyone stole anyone''s thunder but that the couple got engaged after a very on again and off again relationship and it was almost just on a whim). The marriage ended in divorce after a year and a half.

Not saying you shouldn''t be angry and frustrated...it''s hard not to be. But I think that you should forget about your "friend" (she obviously wasn''t thinking about you) and move ahead with your own life. If anything, you will steal her thunder when she sees what a true engagement and marriage is supposed to be like...Good Luck!

 

[MrsFrk]

Date: 11/10/2004 10:52:13 PM
Author: Beautifu1

thanks MrsFrsk

The more I think about it the more I think maybe we should just go on and do it before the holidays. I just dont want to hurt her feelings if that makes sense. But I think my FF more than anything doesnt want to have it so close to them. Just a weird situation. I guess all that matters is that we love eachother a great deal and already feel engaged and even married. Thanks everyone...I still dont know what we''re gonna do but we''ll see

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I were together for 8 years before we married. I felt completely married to him almost immediately. We bought homes and cars, adopted dogs, nursed loved ones before getting legally married.

I think getting engaged over the holidays would be fantastic! Play it by ear, do what the two of you want to do.

 

[sevens one]

Sorry Beautiful, but your "friend" sucks. Ditch her.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 11/10/2004 10:44:53 PM
Author: MrsFrk
She absolutely rushed her BF into an engagement so that she could be engaged before you.

This is completely absurd... I can''t begin to understand why the "race". I would try to steer away from these guys - assuming this is really what they think - unless you want to be found guilty of their every dispute as well.

Best of luck with your proposal!

Of course yours has nothing to do with theirs. Just turn away, IMO...

 

[ame]

Second what Sevens and the others said...Hell, Id be a total child about it and mention "casually" and out loud and publicly that you find it unbelievably coincidental that she went from desperate to dump him to desperate to get married to him and that she only wanted to marry him (or just get a ring???) after you mentioned you knew something was coming.

Do it at Christmas with all your family and REAL friends there. She doesn't belong in your life, and she's obviously not a friend and will never be a friend, don't hesitate to tell her so. She's a total bitch. Actually she's a C word I don't think I can say on here without getting into trouble.

 

[JohnQuixote]

Date: 11/10/2004 11:17:11 PM
Author: sevens one

Sorry Beautiful, but your 'friend' sucks. Ditch her.

I really like Sevens One.

 

[roppongi]

Beautiful1...

OMG...This is no friend. This is someone who must be insanely jealous of you, your boyfriend and incredibly insecure of her own relationship and herself. Please think about this. What must she have said (or done) to rush her boyfriend to make such an important and impulsive decision. I don''t give her engagement let alone marriage any credence whatsoever. Please do not let this "friend" ruin the high that you and your boyfriend are on. I would concur with all that have suggested either dropping her or putting her on the back burner. She seems vindictive and manipulative and I wouldn''t trust her as far as I could throw her.

Congratulations to you and your fiance...I wish you the very best. Please do not waste any sleep over this friendship.

Roppongi

 

[Diamonds4Me]

Date: 11/10/2004 10:52:13 PM
Author: Beautifu1

thanks MrsFrsk

The more I think about it the more I think maybe we should just go on and do it before the holidays. I just dont want to hurt her feelings if that makes sense. But I think my FF more than anything doesnt want to have it so close to them. Just a weird situation. I guess all that matters is that we love eachother a great deal and already feel engaged and even married. Thanks everyone...I still dont know what we''re gonna do but we''ll see

I agree with sevens one. Ditch her. And you shouldn''t be worried about hurting her feelings. She didn''t worry about hurting yours.

 

[reena]

ick.

reminds me of the story from a few months back where a pricescoper showed a friend the e-ring she had picked out and the friend went out the next day and got it for herself. both of these "friends" are horrid and evil. ditch her! sorry that this happened to you.

 

[moremoremore]

ok- maybe I''m missing the point...maybe I''m way too easy going...but I don''t really see the big deal. She got engaged before you...but does that make your engagement less special? Dunno. I''m sure I''ll get flogged, but there is room in the spot light for the both of you, no? And I think that it would actually be really cute if my friend and I got engaged around the same time. Dunno, I''m willing to share the spot light at all times- doesn''t make less of my engagement. OK- preparing for spanking...

 

[solange]

If there is that much competition and resentment between you, the chances are that other situations will occur and you won't remain friends.

I don't see why you should delay your engagement plans because of someone you feel deliberately did this to steal your thunder. An engagement which obviously leads to marriage is supposed to be a forever thing. Friends come and go. The chances are that you might not even want to continue the relationship as couples if she is that competitive. I don't understand why you should let her engagement stand in the way of yours.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I kinda agree with MMM--that this festive season presents as a huge opportunity for engagement opportunities, both surpirse and planned. And although you may share that fact that your engagement was within the same time frame, everything else about the experience (sentiments, etc) will be unqiue and yours to share with your fiancee.

That said, if you feel she has been callous with your feelings, then distance yourself from her. However insincere she chooses to be, you do not have to find yourself so. Enjoy your ring and engagement--it is such a wonderful time in life!!

cheers---Sharon

 

[pearcrazy]

I''m with you MMM, I don''t see the big deal. Preparing now for flogging!!!!

 

[moremoremore]

LOL...then again, I''m a cold heartless b*tch!

I guess I would be mad if I thought she did it just to make me mad and steal my thunder...I wouldn''t be mad if she got the engagement bug (as dumb as that is) and she just had to get engaged asap!

 

[reena]

to me the problem is not that the friend got engaged at the same time . . . if it had just happened that way then that would have been one thing.

what bothered me here is that the friend and her BF (who had not even been talking marriage until that very week or whatever) knew that beautiful''s engagement was long in coming, and that she was very excited about it, and knew the exact date on which it was going to happen, but nevertheless just decided to jump in and get engaged themselves the day before or whatever it was. it''s just tacky and tasteless. they should have waited.

 

[Beautifu1]

Hey guys...thanks for all the responses and support. I appreciate everyones thoughts. Even those that seem to be in the minority- thats totally fine...in fact I posted this to get an idea of what I should do. And I think just about everyone has reached the consensus that we should just get engaged whenever we want- regardless of how close it is to their engagement. So I guess thats the plan. My FF is totally crushed though. Hes so crushed because he finally planned something he thought was so romantic (which I''m sure was stressful enough) and then had to deal with this on top of it and now he has to plan something completely new again- and the poor guy feels like it has be even better now. I told him he could take me to McD''s and put it on a fry and I''d still be totally happy. LOL.

Thanks again to all of you!

 

[pearcrazy]

OK, well maybe I'm giving the friend too much the benefit of the doubt here but if I were her and I wanted to marry my boyfriend and he proposed, no matter what the day, and no matter how long we had been discussing it, I would say "yes". I wouldn't be worried about what any of my friends would think, nor would I say "wait, we can't do this it's so and so's day" The only way I can see that being stealing thunder is if perhaps it was at an event planned especially for the proposal by Beautiful's boyfriend.

Another way I would look at it if you are convinced that she did it to be bitchy (and I just don't see why a girl would pick one of the most important events in her life to be spiteful) but hey, maybe she did is to REFUSE to let her steal my thunder. If she did it to get at you then she certainly succeeded and she has gotten exactly what she wanted. If her clueless boyfriend lacks originality and can't come up with anything on his own then feel sorry for her, she may not have had anything to do with when or where he decided to propose. I just wouldn't let her rain on my parade. I would have proceeded as if nothing happened. A proposal is all about you and your beloved after all, why should what anyone else does or say change anything? Now if she were to pick the same WEDDING day, that's a different story.

And that's two more cents from an old married lady

By the way my proposal consisted of my DH looking over at me while stopped at a red light across from the jewelry store and uttering these words, "so do you want to go look at rings?" I actually received my ring while having lunch with my parents at a sandwich shop when they came into town a few weeks later. Romantic huh? He did make a nice speech to my dad about how he loved me and wanted me to be his "wife for life". I still giggle when I think of the cheesy rhyme!!

 

[Beautifu1]

Oh pearcrazy, i think thats a sweet proposal- very unique.

Thanks for all the input- and no beatings or floggings for anyone please

 

[Patty]

I think you should get engaged whenever you want. When you do, if people comment on BOTH of you having just gotten engaged you can say, "Oh yes, my b/f had planned to propose on our anniversary but he didn''t want to steal the thunder from ***** so he waited a bit."

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

If you think you have problems..........

My friend was supposed to get married this weekend, she went to the hospital last night with her Fiance who hasn''t been feeling well all week. Turns out he has a major illness and has to be operated on immediately!!!! He was feeling bad but didn''t want to tell her so he wouldn''t ruin their wedding.......and he risked his life. The wedding has been canceled and they are planning to get married in his hospital room.

I say this because tragedy has a way of clarifying what''s important. Your love for each other is all that matters, keep that in front of you always. Feel sorry for your friends empty tragic life and obvious lack of self esteem. Tell your Fiance to relax you have so much to be thankful for.

 

[yanekie25]

I kinda agree with MMM. I wouldn''t necessarily dump the friend. For me, I have to know whether it was a malicious act, and I can''t really discern that from the facts as stated. It just seems seeing you guys going down that road, made her and her BF think about where they are. It could have been, if they can so can we thing, which I think alot people have and by no means meant to lessen your experience, but the fact of it makes them really think about their own. I think they could have had more tact and not done it that week, especially since you are in the same circle of friends, but I wouldn''t not be here friend. Personally, I would be wrapped up too much in my joy to worry about it. I wouldn''t delay my proposal, because that is about you two and your timing. Who cares about anyone else.

No, if she wants to find out your date before setting their date. I would be a bit weary