Seeking advice on fertility & more kids

[kenny]

I'd say, for the sake of the child, don't rush.

You can always adopt.

Hi daddy ..

HAHAHA!
OH Man!
DF, you got way more money than I do.

So Dad, what is wonderful Kenny getting for Christmas?

 

[LLJsmom]

Every family's dynamics and relationships are different. People's view on parenting are different. A lot comes from how they were parented growing up, who their role models were and what their families were like.

OP, good luck! I think as long as you and your partner are on the same page about an addition to the family, and you both want one, go for it. If a child is wanted, I have never heard of parent's regretting a decision to have had the child. I think I hear only of regrets of NOT having one, when they did want one.

And yes, alone time of course will be curtailed quite a bit, and it will take more effort to have that alone time, and it does forever change (or better yet) force the growth of you and your partner's relationship, as well as yourself personally. However, that is a sacrifice and a challenge well worth taking on, right? WEll, if you don't think so, maybe it's not right for you after all.

 

[AdaBeta27]

Maybe I should take a look inside. Yeah, I am on that. And yes, one on the internet cannot tell someone to post, obviously. I believe there are several campaigns going on right now on that issue. I respectfully disagree that another male can be a father. He can play a fatherly-role, and act as such, but to call him my child's father?! Simply no. Let's say I received the heavy amount of primary custody, or my child decided when much older to primarily live with me. He saw another male residing with my ex approximately one evening a week. Maybe an occasional weekend. Is he my child's father? Does he have two fathers? If I were homosexual and she remarried, would he then have three fathers? All can play a father role certainly. Legally, there is only one father.

Just be aware that how you see a situation and how a child sees it may be 2 different things. Kids make their own choices, which may not conform to how you think relationships and allegiances ought to go.

I concur with the earlier post that said that you'd already have two children once you marry / cohabitate. It's going to be a 2-child blended family. That puts more work on your wife / partner. Adding a child adds an exponential amount of work. Sometimes children don't make a smooth transition to the blended family, and stepchild(ren) potentially bring all kinds of problems. How does the woman feel about making the jump from having her child 50 / 50, to maybe adding two more fulltime? I grew up in a 3-child family, and my opinion is that adding a third child creates an enormous burden in additional work and expenses. One or two at the most is enough for most dual-career couples. Most of those people I know have 2 kids in their 20s or 30s and then have 3 decades or more to raise them and get some money banked before retirement.

 

[JDDN]

I've heard a lot about what you and what your girlfriend want. But what about the child? Have you had a conversation about what would happen if you two broke up and had a kid together? What would that be like? An honest conversation about what would custody look like, what if one person wanted to move out of state, how that would be with the two siblings, who pays for what? I completely understand the biological clock, but it isn't just about that. As you already know (and I'm sure she does too), there is a LOT that goes into having and raising a child and providing the best opportunities and chances for your child.

I truly sympathize with your dilemma but I really think you're putting the cart before the horse. If it's just simply a matter of having another child, that's one thing and there are many options for you both together and separately. But you're considering having one with a person you don't really know in the hopes that you'll be a family and I think the pregnancy and melding of the families at the same time you're just trying to get to know each other is a bit tentative to say the least. What if you both continue with your relationship and figure out you're not for each other? You could end up meeting someone else with less of a clock and have a child together. That's all to say, don't let the pressure of her clock force you into making rash decisions because having a baby is a BIG and permanent one! Take your time with this person to see if she's the one. And if she is, then move forward.

I wish you all the very best.