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Secret Message in Inherited Earrings

Bravissimo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
167
This is kind of an awesome story. (Apologies it’s long and a bit tragic but hopefully you’ll persevere to the happish ending. Also I apologize in advance for the lack of commas and run on sentences.)

Recently my mother passed away after a long awful illness. She had end-stage emphysema and dementia as a complication of malnutrition from alcoholism, something called Wernickes Encephalitis and Korsakoff’s. For about the past year she was in a panic couldn’t breathe wasn’t using her oxygen and was falling and disoriented and miserable. When the neighbors let me know this was going on I don’t live nearby I came down to do what I could including staying for months at a time but she acted out at me for her final 6 months of life, even though I was doing as much as possible to help her have pleasant last months. It may sound selfish because the diseases were taking their toll on her but as her only child it was easily the worst experience I have ever had (and I lived through treatment for stage III breast cancer so not kidding about how bad it was both watching her and dealing with her as she just would not quit drinking). In one hospitalization they called me to say she was threatening me with death and I had to leave when they let her out of the hospital because she had a mild gun obsession... After that I had A series of horrid voicemails from her saying I was a swindler and a thief and just like my father which was an awful thing to say in part because they had a tumultuous relationship over HIS drinking and because I was a daddy’s girl and she truly loved him but also hated him at the same time.

To cap it all off, when I finally got her moved to a memory care facility, she came roaring in on a gurney screaming for Chardonnay and gave me the finger in front of the staff and the movers. She finally had to be hospitalized because she went into withdrawal after refusing to take her medicines because they would not give her wine. (As a public service message vitamin B1 depletion from alcohol and not eating causes this dementia. If you drink take extra vitamine B1 “thiamin”. Also as a public service message you can’t take painkillers, Xanax for anxiety, and drink wine... she was a nurse and she knew this but she was very addicted. I know it’s a disease but it’s one of the worst diseases there is.)

All through it, my friends were supportive but they also kept saying, “You know she really loves you…” We had had a tumultuous relationship my whole life and I am sure it fell to her like I was trying to control her. She even said as much. But honestly, I was just trying to keep her from killing herself. She was wheelchair-bound and had a horrible quality of life and by the end I was just praying for peace or a miraculous healing. Needless to say, I was having a hard time feeling the love. But I was an only child and I knew it was the drinking and dementia and she was not herself, so I just did my best to survive in a truly awful period.

Complicating matters I work full-time for 35 year old boss who has never had real family responsibilities but who is under a lot of pressure at work. And so I was trying to work a 50+ hour week job and deal with doctors the money and the courts and feeling guilty about everything. I never have been under such pressure and literally thought I was going to have a heart attack going through the whole experience.

Flash forward to end of August. I talked to a hospice person the day before she died and they said, “Oh she’s plenty feisty. She’s not near death. It’s going to be a few months yet.” Then that afternoon, while in the hospital, she aspirated on something she was eating and by 6:00am the next morning, she was gone.

Earlier in the summer, well after accusing me of stealing all of her things, when she was in a rehab and it became clear she was never going home because she thought she was in Europe but she was really in The USA, after the second hospitalization a broken hip & multiple infections, her sister told me to take my mom’s jewelry home, in case my mom’s house was broken into. I basically just threw all the fine jewelry into a jewelry box and then took it to a locked piece of furniture at my fiancés house. I had to go to court to get the funds to pay for her assisted living facility and become her guardian and her conservator and the surety bond I had to post to ensure I was not misusing her estate was very clear that I should not merge her things with mine while she was alive so I did not wear it or even look at it until well after she passed. Also, I was way too busy while she was alive dealing with her management to even think about her belongings. She was a jewelry person so I got her a very pretty Julie Vos costume necklace with a mother of Pearl heart on it for her birthday and she wore it every day until she passed (thanks to PSers for this excellent idea).

Anyway, I am an only child and the executor of the will, so this weekend (2+weeks after she passed) , I pulled the box out to sort through and found what appeared to be gold hoop earrings, I have never seen before.

I looked inside for a hallmark and there’s no hallmark. But they feel heavy and like 14k, at least. Like someone had them made from something else.

And get this: they are engraved inside! One only has her initials. The other has the words “LOVE IS NEVER LOST”. I think maybe they were made from my dad’s wedding band but it was white gold and these are yellow so I just don’t know (can white be converted back to yellow?)

Anyway it FEELS like a message to me from her across the veil. There have been a few others:

1. I just noticed the Amaryllis in my bathroom at my fiancés house bloomed. It had 4 blossoms but 2 were already dead when I saw it. It must have started growing right after she passed. Usually you put them into hibernation then bring them out at Christmas to bloom. I used to give her amaryllis each Christmas and I had not put any of them in the basement yet to hibernate! She was a bath person not a shower person and it sits on the tub. Amaryllis don’t bloom in September! I am pretty sure the amaryllis bloom was one of her ways of saying she’s ok and she’s sorry.

2. I had a dream about her three days after she died. She was young and wearing a wedding dress and veil. She never had a wedding dress but she loved them and even worked in a wedding dress store for fun after she retired from nursing. I wondered if maybe she was remembering my dad up in heaven. Religious people I’ve talk to say we get to be with our soulmates in the afterlife and I do think he was her one true love…

3. She was a terrier person and saw Westies in Scotland a long time ago at a castle playing on the lawn. I was in the UK last week and all have been seeing are Westies. I got back to 15 days of mail and the first thing out of my mailbox was the Talbots catalogue with two Westies on it! She used to drag me to the Talbots after Christmas sale at the original Talbots together when we lived in MA. My dog is 16 years old and I have been wondering what I would do when he passes for my next dog. We are now considering Westies.

4. I had been reading a lot about Angels when she was sick. I don’t know why I went down this particular rabbit hole but I did. I started asking them for signs and one of them was I wanted a big white feather. I received tons of feathers but never a big white feather . When we got to the UK the first place we went was a lake and they were swans on it and and I took some pictures of them and we went on a hike and then I came back and went to the water’s edge again and there was a huge white swan feather. To make it more interesting her family crest contains swans and she was very into swans .

So you may think I am nuts and just seeing coincidences everywhere but I have started wearing her jewels proudly.. She made her will years ago when we were in a much better place. I do,after all of it realize she could’ve given the money and the jewelry away to other people, or other issues she cared about but she left it for me and so in an odd way, I do feel loved. Now as I look at my hands with my aging fingers her rings on them including the diamond my father bought her sixty years ago I see her hands and I think, it is true; although it may hide, as long as we keep looking for it, love endures and love is never really lost.

Rest In Peace, GGM.
1944-2022.

56A1C24E-2F1C-415A-9775-172B6A0CB449.jpeg 4E771889-9696-4D6C-83A4-6D663E55051B.jpeg B1EEDCC4-062A-4C9F-9486-E2FFA5186AF1.jpeg D9D59395-3CCD-4606-9445-921E90118AAF.jpeg
 
Last edited:

Crimson

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 3, 2019
Messages
314
Thank you for sharing, and please accept my condolences, @Bravissimo. It is so touching. It does feel like hugs from your mother. It has been such a long, demanding period for you, I am glad you found the message. it is interesting that it is on an earring - like having it whispered in your ear. I hope you found great comfort from the amaryllis, the westies and your dream, and that you will continue to sense beauty and love in the months ahead.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
25,569
I’m so sorry for your loss @Bravissimo. If that isn’t the proverbial emotional wringer. :(sad

I hope that you keep wearing her jewellery with joy and pride ❤️ I think she left them to you because she knew that no matter what happened later in her life, you would be the person who felt her love and understood her messages when you put them on. ❤️
 

Bravissimo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
167
Thank you for sharing, and please accept my condolences, @Bravissimo. It is so touching. It does feel like hugs from your mother. It has been such a long, demanding period for you, I am glad you found the message. it is interesting that it is on an earring - like having it whispered in your ear. I hope you found great comfort from the amaryllis, the westies and your dream, and that you will continue to sense beauty and love in the months ahead.

I love this “whispering in my ear!” Lol! So true!
 

Bravissimo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
167
I’m so sorry for your loss @Bravissimo. If that isn’t the proverbial emotional wringer. :(sad

I hope that you keep wearing her jewellery with joy and pride ❤️ I think she left them to you because she knew that no matter what happened later in her life, you would be the person who felt her love and understood her messages when you put them on. ❤️

She may also be suggesting I need to have my nails done professionally. Lol!
 

Slickk

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 3, 2013
Messages
4,142
I am so moved by your story. My sincerest condolences on your loss. We never really recover from losing our moms. I do hope you always feel her presence with you. Enjoy her pieces, as she wished for you to.

A mother is someone who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take. ❤️
 

Mrs_Strizzle

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 14, 2018
Messages
1,461
I 100% believe that these "coincidences" have been your Mom's spirit trying to convey to you her love for you, and maybe even her regret over all the strife you went through in the end. I have experienced it myself with loved ones that I've lost, even having my friend come to me in my sleep and tell me not to feel guilty (very long story, but I woke up in such ease with the guilt released.) I believe their spirits communicate with us in so many ways, in ways they think we can understand best.

Hugs to you in your grief.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
17,616
alcholism like demetia is a disease
it stole your mothers love for you from you
my mum lost all her humainty when she got demetia
whlie we had far from the perfect relatiomshiop she was not the cold selfish person that demetia turned her into

i am so sorry for you for this terrible time you had to have
but your mum will be at peace now
it must have been terryifing for her to think her only daughter was trying to control her - and her sane loving self would have been so hurt that she ever had those thoughts toward you, but it was the diesease and the withdrawl talking, controling her words and thoughts, not her as your mother

in time the good memories will overtake the bad memories

i can tell you wearing the jewlery does help, because it takes you back to the good times you had together

my Dad passed away from cancer as a relativly young man
but i did find peace that my mum was finally with my dad again after she had passed away

i look forward very much to you wearing and enjoying your mum's jewlery
and yes. it does sound like she is sending you her love

big hugs to you
 

Bron357

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 22, 2014
Messages
6,225
I’m sorry your Mum had such a difficult end of life and that you were depleted by it all.
Sadly it was the alcohol and it’s effects that changed her.
I’m sure behind the illness and it’s devastating effects she loved you dearly. She was a good person, she raised you well, she had flaws, many, but she was your mum.
Feel proud that you were able to love her and give of yourself despite how awful it was.
Wear her jewels with love and remember her fondly.
 

Bravissimo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
167
I 100% believe that these "coincidences" have been your Mom's spirit trying to convey to you her love for you, and maybe even her regret over all the strife you went through in the end. I have experienced it myself with loved ones that I've lost, even having my friend come to me in my sleep and tell me not to feel guilty (very long story, but I woke up in such ease with the guilt released.) I believe their spirits communicate with us in so many ways, in ways they think we can understand best.

Hugs to you in your grief.

Thanks for that. It feels very “woo woo” to talk about, but also undeniable, you know? I do think once we leave our bodies we either don’t know or don’t care about the past. Water under the bridge. I know either way she is at peace. And this experience has shed some light on what I feel I ought to do with my last dance career wise so I have her to thank for all of that.
 

Barkingatstrangers

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 21, 2021
Messages
27
I am so glad the earrings bring you the comfort she couldn't give you in life. You know, some talk about jewels being "vain adornment" and all that - but they are or can be something infinitely more valuable and beautiful than that. Anything that connects us to the people we love, that keeps them near us and keeps their precious memory alive, should not be dismissed as mere decoration. There's a reason jewelry survives the generations; it's something I think about every time I see it in a museum. It's precious for far more than its monetary value.
 

Bravissimo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
167
I am so glad the earrings bring you the comfort she couldn't give you in life. You know, some talk about jewels being "vain adornment" and all that - but they are or can be something infinitely more valuable and beautiful than that. Anything that connects us to the people we love, that keeps them near us and keeps their precious memory alive, should not be dismissed as mere decoration. There's a reason jewelry survives the generations; it's something I think about every time I see it in a museum. It's precious for far more than its monetary value.

This is very well put and I never thought of this but yes if you take care of them these things are little living monuments. I thought I would add her engagement diamond to my e-ring and make a three stone but I don’t think I can bear to take her ring apart. It will always be hers and when I die hopefully one of my dear friends or relations will get it and think of us both.

Today I have on my great great Aunt Clara’s locket. I don’t remember ever meeting her but I always loved it and my mother sometimes let me wear it when I was a teenager. Clara was my maternal grandfather’s Aunt . The unique swirly engraving reminds me that my maternal Grandmother selflessly took care of her until she died.

I also have a locket my mom got me from England. Before she died she asked why I was wearing her Aunt’s locket and I had to remind her mine was different. I love them both. Here’s the Clara locket. Middle initial is Y because she had no middle name. Girls back then sometimes used “Young” as their middle name until they got married. A546A9B2-F4EB-4956-AF21-E396FDCB13DF.jpeg
 

Bravissimo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
167
alcholism like demetia is a disease
it stole your mothers love for you from you
my mum lost all her humainty when she got demetia
whlie we had far from the perfect relatiomshiop she was not the cold selfish person that demetia turned her into

i am so sorry for you for this terrible time you had to have
but your mum will be at peace now
it must have been terryifing for her to think her only daughter was trying to control her - and her sane loving self would have been so hurt that she ever had those thoughts toward you, but it was the diesease and the withdrawl talking, controling her words and thoughts, not her as your mother

in time the good memories will overtake the bad memories

i can tell you wearing the jewlery does help, because it takes you back to the good times you had together

my Dad passed away from cancer as a relativly young man
but i did find peace that my mum was finally with my dad again after she had passed away

i look forward very much to you wearing and enjoying your mum's jewlery
and yes. it does sound like she is sending you her love

big hugs to you

Agree re alcoholism being a disease. It’s just hard when you know there’s something that could stop it and they are just so under its sway and it’s killing them but nobody will do anything. By the time we could do something she was too far gone. I am wearing her jewels as a reminder to always take care of myself.
 

bananabrains

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 24, 2015
Messages
52
Such a heartbreaking story about your mom. That must have been such a hard journey for you, but you were there for her. As my aunt would say, you earned your angels wings. I too cared for my dad for the last years of his life (COPD). He's had some issues in the hospital where he went too long without enough oxygen and had some three-day dementia-fests, as I I called them. I cannot imagine that over a long period of time, my heart breaks for you.

I too believe in signs from our loved ones, and she sent you plenty. Those earrings I'm sure will be forever cherished. Talk about a message from beyond <3 I had some communications from my mom as well. Here is the most astounding:

My mom was diagnosed w/ cancer over the Christmas holidays one year. She was hospitalized until her birthday on January 4. I asked her before she was released if she wanted me to take down her Christmas decorations (at the time she was living alone in a brand new home she had just built). She said yes. So, my middle brother (I have three older brothers) and I put everything away neatly in her basement (there wasn't a lot down there because she had pared down her belongings significantly before moving to this new home).

Fast forward to the following Christmas. My mom pulled out her Christmas decorations, and was irritated that she couldn't find this little tabletop Victorian Christmas tree that she had bought the year before. I looked everywhere with her, and couldn't understand where it could be as I had put the decorations away with my brother and we put them in a certain area of the basement. She was convinced my brother tossed it or put it in the wrong place. (He was kind of known for tossing stuff away).

A year and a half later, after she had passed, we were going through her belongings to donate and disperse as we put her home up for sale. My youngest brother and I were going through things, and he pulled out this bag, and inside it was the Victorian tree (it was about 1-1/2 feet tall) and wrapped around it was a rosary, and when I say wrapped around it, it was wrapped so tightly, it kind of mangled the wire branches of the tree. My brother and I were momentarily freaked out because we thought we buried my mom with that rosary, it was one that my two oldest brothers got for their first holy communion. After the panic passed, we remembered that we had two of these rosaries (one for each of my two oldest brothers), and we decided that this was a sign from mom: "Okay, so maybe Bob didn't throw out this tree, I'm sorry I accused him."

We laugh about it now, but it was pretty crazy then to find a bag w/ ONLY those two things in it. I mean, the rosaries were packed away in boxes that contained stuff from my brothers' school days, and the Christmas stuff was on the other side of the basement.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
17,616
Agree re alcoholism being a disease. It’s just hard when you know there’s something that could stop it and they are just so under its sway and it’s killing them but nobody will do anything. By the time we could do something she was too far gone. I am wearing her jewels as a reminder to always take care of myself.

life can be so hard sometimes :(2

as she is your mum im sure she would be happy her jewlery is a reminder to you to self care =)2

that saddness of what became of your mum will always be there
but in time it wont be at the forfront of your memeory and you will recall the nicer times first, the memories will stop being sad and just be nice =)2

=)2and you can even make your own new happy memories with her jewelery

all in its own time
 

Bravissimo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
167
Such a heartbreaking story about your mom. That must have been such a hard journey for you, but you were there for her. As my aunt would say, you earned your angels wings. I too cared for my dad for the last years of his life (COPD). He's had some issues in the hospital where he went too long without enough oxygen and had some three-day dementia-fests, as I I called them. I cannot imagine that over a long period of time, my heart breaks for you.

I too believe in signs from our loved ones, and she sent you plenty. Those earrings I'm sure will be forever cherished. Talk about a message from beyond <3 I had some communications from my mom as well. Here is the most astounding:

My mom was diagnosed w/ cancer over the Christmas holidays one year. She was hospitalized until her birthday on January 4. I asked her before she was released if she wanted me to take down her Christmas decorations (at the time she was living alone in a brand new home she had just built). She said yes. So, my middle brother (I have three older brothers) and I put everything away neatly in her basement (there wasn't a lot down there because she had pared down her belongings significantly before moving to this new home).

Fast forward to the following Christmas. My mom pulled out her Christmas decorations, and was irritated that she couldn't find this little tabletop Victorian Christmas tree that she had bought the year before. I looked everywhere with her, and couldn't understand where it could be as I had put the decorations away with my brother and we put them in a certain area of the basement. She was convinced my brother tossed it or put it in the wrong place. (He was kind of known for tossing stuff away).

A year and a half later, after she had passed, we were going through her belongings to donate and disperse as we put her home up for sale. My youngest brother and I were going through things, and he pulled out this bag, and inside it was the Victorian tree (it was about 1-1/2 feet tall) and wrapped around it was a rosary, and when I say wrapped around it, it was wrapped so tightly, it kind of mangled the wire branches of the tree. My brother and I were momentarily freaked out because we thought we buried my mom with that rosary, it was one that my two oldest brothers got for their first holy communion. After the panic passed, we remembered that we had two of these rosaries (one for each of my two oldest brothers), and we decided that this was a sign from mom: "Okay, so maybe Bob didn't throw out this tree, I'm sorry I accused him."

We laugh about it now, but it was pretty crazy then to find a bag w/ ONLY those two things in it. I mean, the rosaries were packed away in boxes that contained stuff from my brothers' school days, and the Christmas stuff was on the other side of the basement.

Oh my goodness. Sounds like an apology to me! And so woo woo spiritually! Thanks for sharing this!
 
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