Screaming kids on commercial flights

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:07:35 PM
Author: Haven
DH and I have already decided that we won't fly with our future children until they are old enough to behave. I would feel awful if my child screamed non-stop on an airplane, and I don't want to put myself in the position of being incredibly rude to strangers if I can help it. I know you can't help it if the baby is going to scream, but we can help whether we get on the plane with the baby.


I'm not saying this is the solution for everyone, but I would be mortified to be *that* parent.

More power to you then.
That's not an option for me as my entire family lives in China and plane is really the only reasonable way to get there from America. I could wait until my child was 2-3 and able to be parented, but that would get me disowned by my grandparents (they can't travel).

I do think there's a big difference between an infant and a toddler screaming. If it's a screaming toddler, then chances are the parents aren't doing their jobs well (not withstanding a genuine psychiatric disorder). But if it's under 2, not much to be done there unless you just want to make it law that you can't fly with children that age.

Maybe there should be a "noise pollution" fine for passengers over 3 years old if they make noise about a certain decibel. You can charge at a per hour rate

 

[musey]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:14:07 PM
Author: kenny

Date: 11/24/2009 7:12:27 PM
Author: decodelighted
I bet there''d be a big market for ''adult only'' airlines! Could save the flagging industry!

There also may be a big market for airlines that only allow passengers that fit in their seat, instead of overflowing into yours.

Like THAT hasn''t already been talked to death around here

 

[cellentani]

Obviously, despite a parent''s best efforts, children will not always behave as we''d like on flights. Perhaps it''s the easily-annoyed adult passengers who could benefit from a sedating dose of Benadryl.

 

[Ara Ann]

Like I said before, it is irrational to expect to have a perfect, peaceful experience every time you fly, any number of things can cause discomfort.

What about telling those who wish to travel in perfect peace to drive, instead of fly? If some are so put off by crying babies, then they can drive!

And I am speaking of the BABIES who don''t understand what is going on, not the bad behaved children who are old enough to behave appropriately.

 

[Lilac]

If you have a baby who can''t talk and explain why he''s crying I don''t see how parents can be expected to just "know" what the problem is. In the case of my brother, I think he ended up having an ear infection and that''s likely why he screamed and cried the entire flight and was inconsolable. He had always been fine on planes before that, and always has been since then - but that particular flight, he was in so much pain that nothing could calm him down. There was nothing to suggest my father and stepmother shouldn''t bring him on a plane because he had always been absolutely fine on several other flights he had been on before that. On this flight, he was too young to express himself, so he couldn''t tell anyone his ear was hurting!

Parents aren''t mind-readers, and if the baby is too little to explain why they''re crying I don''t see how anyone can blame the child or the parents. I feel so bad for parents who try to calm children down and their kids can''t be consoled on planes. Instead of thinking about how irritating it is for me to listen to the kid scream, I try and focus on how bad the child must feel to be in so much pain and cry so much, or how bad the parents must feel to not be able to console their baby.

And no, I''m not a parent yet. But I hope one day people will be understanding of me if I am in this situation with my crying child just like I try to be understanding of other people in that situation now.

 

[iluvcarats]

It's kind of interesting when you are on a plane, and an "adult" has a tantrum about a baby or a toddler having a tantrum. hmmmmm...

 

[Lilac]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:27:20 PM
Author: iluvcarats
It''s kind of interesting when your on a plane, and an ''adult'' has a tantrum about a baby or a toddler having a tantrum. hmmmmm...

Haha - never thought about it that way. Interesting point.

 

[Haven]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:12:44 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I had to fly on a plane with my 5 year old and an infant to get to my mom before she died, I''m not sure you can really say you''ll ''never'' do it. Exceptions exist in every corner of our lives.


Again - bring noise canceling headphones if you are one of those people who dream of duct tape. Own your own obsession.

People make choices in life. If you want to be the parent of a screaming child on a plane, more power to you. I don''t want to be that parent.

I never said I can''t tolerate other people''s children screaming on planes. Does it give me a headache? Yes. Would I prefer the peace and quiet? Yes. But I can handle it. I just don''t want to be the one responsible for that child. I don''t think that''s really fodder for telling me to "own my own obsession" but hey, sling whatever mud you feel like slinging. It won''t penetrate my computer screen, so no harm done.

As for never flying with small children, I highly doubt we will have to. We all make choices in life, and one of our big choices is to live very close to both of our families. Call us old school, but my family is as thick as thieves, and we plan to keep it that way. We never want to be a flight away from our parents, especially as they get older. Losing a parent at a young age will change your perspective on these types of decisions, and that''s what happened to my DH.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:32:52 PM
Author: Haven

As for never flying with small children, I highly doubt we will have to. We all make choices in life, and one of our big choices is to live very close to both of our families. Call us old school, but my family is as thick as thieves, and we plan to keep it that way. We never want to be a flight away from our parents, especially as they get older. Losing a parent at a young age will change your perspective on these types of decisions, and that''s what happened to my DH.

You''re very lucky to have that as an option

 

[Mrs.Guz]

I feel sorry for the parents of the baby that is screaming. There is a huge difference between a baby screaming and a dog barking. You can leave your dog at home!

 

[Haven]

We are lucky, Musey. I know that and I''m very grateful.
DH passed up a huge professional opportunity to work with a pro football team (e.g. his dream job) because it would have meant moving out of state, and we decided that we value our family more than the job. He says it was an easy decision.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:39:04 PM
Author: Mrs.Guz
I feel sorry for the parents of the baby that is screaming. There is a huge difference between a baby screaming and a dog barking. You can leave your dog at home!

You can leave your kid at home, too

I''m a puppy parent and he goes on almost every flight with me. He''s perfectly behaved, but I''d never think that someone should leave their dog at home just because of in-flight barking. It''s much safer, and in most cases cheaper, to keep him with me when I fly than to leave him at a kennel or even a friend''s.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:41:39 PM
Author: Haven
We are lucky, Musey. I know that and I''m very grateful.

DH passed up a huge professional opportunity to work with a pro football team (e.g. his dream job) because it would have meant moving out of state, and we decided that we value our family more than the job. He says it was an easy decision.

Most couples don''t even have their respective parents in the same location, so that alone is lucky! We could make the "choice" to live by family - but which one? That would also mean giving up my career entirely.

To have the professional freedom to live where one wants, as well as having all your family in one place... that is rare.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Wow, I just got off two flights with my 2 year old. I would be pissed. You cannot predict how a kid will react. Some people are blessed with easy, laid back children...I was not. She is always her worst during takeoff (including waiting) and landing. Now that she is older once I can turn on her dvd player she is pretty good. Still, it is hard to be confined in such a small space (even for adults). I would spend more if they had more child friendly planes (sections). We have to fly. My DD deserves to see her grandparents who live too far to drive. She has probably been on 30+ flights in her two years and there were only a few where I felt truly bad. The worst was when she was 4 months old and cried/screamed for most of a two hour flight. I tried EVERYTHING to calm her. Most people are kind b/c most people will or have been in the same position as me. I have learned to ignore the rude people. I have seen MANY adults act like out of control children while traveling. At least my kid is a child. They make noise canceling headphones for those of you who are intolerant.

 

[ericad]

My DH and I also said we wouldn''t fly with a baby...until we had one and understood the importance of her knowing DH''s side of the family, in France. It just wasn''t feasible to wait till she was 3 to make the trip. Our priorities changed and at some point you take a gamble with that first flight. We did our best- bought her a seat (though we weren''t required to), etc. After that first flight I spent our entire vacation dreading the flight back and turned out she was great the next time, during the whole trip and every time since. What a shame it would have been to have missed out on her meeting her family due to fear of what might happen. We have no regrets.

I do think all children should require their own seats, regardless of age. That could help a little.

 

[packrat]

I would be more apt to ask if there was something I could do to help calm them down..I can make dorky faces and walk up and down an aisle to give another parent a break. Before I had kids and really understood how it feels when you''re in public and they freak out, I don''t know that I''d be as open minded about it. This is, of course, assuming it''s not MY kids doing the screaming. If that''s the case then I hope I have one of MTG''s mufflers w/me. Or a parachute or something.

 

[Karl_K]

babies that is life... no problem don''t get annoyed.
badly behaved 3+ year olds is a very different story.
There is no excuse for it.

 

[musey]

I don''t think any parent should have to justify their decision to fly with a child. It shouldn''t have to be out of necessity. My husband took his first trans-atlantic flight at the ripe old age of 6 weeks, and his parents continued traveling with him, all over the world, throughout his childhood. Their traveling bug wasn''t hindered by their decision to have a child in the least.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:57:45 PM
Author: Karl_K
babies that is life... no problem don't get annoyed.

badly behaved 3+ year olds is a very different story.

There is no excuse for it.

I sat across the aisle from a screaming 3 year old once. We're talking bawl-ING, like a little baby. His parents gave him cookies to try to distract him, which worked, of course until the cookie was gone 2 minutes later.

In the end, I'm a HECK of a lot more bothered when seated next to someone with terrible B.O., or smelly food, or difficulty keeping their limbs to themselves, than I am by a crying baby... and I find myself surrounded by stuff like that much more frequently than crying babies.

 

[Haven]

Date: 11/24/2009 8:00:06 PM
Author: musey
I don''t think any parent should have to justify their decision to fly with a child. It shouldn''t have to be out of necessity. My husband took his first trans-atlantic flight at the ripe old age of 6 weeks, and his parents continued traveling with him, all over the world, throughout his childhood. Their traveling bug wasn''t hindered by their decision to have a child in the least.

I agree.
And I also think I shouldn''t have to justify my decision to choose *not* to fly with a child.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/24/2009 7:32:52 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 11/24/2009 7:12:44 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

I had to fly on a plane with my 5 year old and an infant to get to my mom before she died, I''m not sure you can really say you''ll ''never'' do it. Exceptions exist in every corner of our lives.



Again - bring noise canceling headphones if you are one of those people who dream of duct tape. Own your own obsession.

People make choices in life. If you want to be the parent of a screaming child on a plane, more power to you. I don''t want to be that parent.


I never said I can''t tolerate other people''s children screaming on planes. Does it give me a headache? Yes. Would I prefer the peace and quiet? Yes. But I can handle it. I just don''t want to be the one responsible for that child. I don''t think that''s really fodder for telling me to ''own my own obsession'' but hey, sling whatever mud you feel like slinging. It won''t penetrate my computer screen, so no harm done.


As for never flying with small children, I highly doubt we will have to. We all make choices in life, and one of our big choices is to live very close to both of our families. Call us old school, but my family is as thick as thieves, and we plan to keep it that way. We never want to be a flight away from our parents, especially as they get older. Losing a parent at a young age will change your perspective on these types of decisions, and that''s what happened to my DH.

That particular ending comment "mud" wasn''t thrown at you (or anyone in particular) - but I did make the comment above it directly to you because I''m pretty sure if you were across the country from a dying parent you''d make an exception and endure the possibility of being "that" parent. I could be wrong, but I really hope that I''m not. I can see saying you won''t take a vacation or something, but the word "never" always makes me want to point out the exceptions.

First comment - to you Haven.

Second comment just thrown out there out of irritation to people who want to drug and duct tape babies rather than own their own comfort and prepare for it... and not specifically at you.

Sorry if there was confusion.

 

[jas]

Man, I want to trade my kids in for a couple of those 30-minute-only criers. (I'm assuming they come with pop-up timers)

I read in another thread that Nordies has a good return policy....

 

[kama_s]

Date: 11/24/2009 5:58:57 PM
Author: Skippy123
I was on a flight recently where a 2 or 3 year old screamed the whole time at the top of her lungs. It was awful but I felt for the mother because she tired her hardest to console the child. Sometimes children are overly exhausted and too stimulated by the sounds of the aircraft and the people around them so they can''t sleep, etc. Also they are not adults and don''t think and behave like adults; their frontal lobes aren''t fully developed, so what can you do. Yes, it can suck for the passengers but it isn''t their fault. I have sympathy for the parents and the child because I am sure it wasn''t a picnic for the mom either. Honestly I feel that article does not give enough information and is extremely one sided. eta: I do not have children

Exactly this. Skippy dear, as usual, you speak my mind! I have been in a similar position several times, and my journeys to Asia are long and exhausting. To make matters worse, young Indian (i.e., South Asian) kids are loud and unruly and parents really don''t care much about their kids misbehaving. You won''t find any Indian parents carrying colourig books or toys to keep their kids entertained. THAT bugs me. But with younger infants, you really can''t do anything. The air pressure also affects their tiny sensitive ears quite a bit. Like Skippy said, I feel the absolute worst for the parents - they''re tired, sleep deprived and have to deal with attitude from other passengers.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 11/24/2009 8:00:06 PM
Author: musey
I don't think any parent should have to justify their decision to fly with a child. It shouldn't have to be out of necessity. My husband took his first trans-atlantic flight at the ripe old age of 6 weeks, and his parents continued traveling with him, all over the world, throughout his childhood. Their traveling bug wasn't hindered by their decision to have a child in the least.

That is cool his parents took him everywhere; we have some good friends that did that! They took their kid to India, Europe, South America, etc; I think it is invaluable experience for them.

eta: kama_s, thanks. True I feel bad for the little ones with the change in air pressure.

 

[Vancity]

In this day and age of heightened security during air travel, if the only "terror-ist" on my plane is a screaming child, I''ll deal.

At least I know I''m going to get out alive.

 

[TheDoctor]

We are equally at fault for our disturbances of others, and at the mercy of others when we fall victim to their disturbances.
"My chainsaw''s noise don''t bother me none".
How many times have I had a great flight while others around me have cursed me for my snoring?
I have no idea. Probably many.

Never flew with my own kids till they were teenagers, for their first times.
The reality is, you''re stuck in a bus. Other people are there. Life happens.

If you have ever been a parent, or are one now, you have lived to tolerate a lot of challenges, and many opinions expressed by others about your children.
If you haven''t had kids yet, but plan to, get your head out of yer arse and cut the offenders some slack. Kids do some incomprenhensible stuff. You were once someone''s pain.

Ask the parent of the offending child if they need a break. Children act differently when removed from the grasp of their parents, the ones they have months or a couple of years of solid manipulative behaviour studies completed on. Help the parent shuffle the deck. I have bounced babies and toddlers for others where the kid''s attention was so distracted that they quieted for a near eternity for those in the vicinity. You can make a difference by participating. You can''t make a difference by complaining.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/24/2009 8:10:03 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 11/24/2009 8:00:06 PM

Author: musey

I don''t think any parent should have to justify their decision to fly with a child. It shouldn''t have to be out of necessity. My husband took his first trans-atlantic flight at the ripe old age of 6 weeks, and his parents continued traveling with him, all over the world, throughout his childhood. Their traveling bug wasn''t hindered by their decision to have a child in the least.

I agree.

And I also think I shouldn''t have to justify my decision to choose *not* to fly with a child.

I wrote that mostly in response to all the posts saying that one HAS to, in order to get to family or what have you, or even DON''T HAVE to, because you''re lucky enough to have no need to travel.

Meaning, it shouldn''t be a matter of necessity that dictates whether one flies with young children in tow. People can and should make the choice to fly without having specific circumstances demand it, as in the case of my husband''s parents. If they want to go somewhere that requires a plane flight, they should go. End of story.

I agree that there is certainly a market for adults-only airlines and/or child-friendly airlines or sections of planes. If it were feasible, it would remove all necessity for this topic cropping up for debate over and over and over.

 

[Haven]

Cehra--Gotcha.

I would travel to see an ill parent, but as I said earlier, we don't plan on living more than a short car ride away from our parents, ever. Living near them is a huge priority for us, for a variety of reasons. Part of it is cultural, part of it is based on our own past experiences. They come before our careers and everything else, other than each other and the family we plan to create, of course.

Musey--I totally agree with you, 100%.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/24/2009 8:28:47 PM
Author: Haven
Cehra--Gotcha.


I would travel to see an ill parent, but as I said earlier, we don''t plan on living more than a short car ride away from our parents, ever. Living near them is a huge priority for us, for a variety of reasons. Part of it is cultural, part of it is based on our own past experiences. They come before our careers and everything else, other than each other and the family we plan to create, of course.


Musey--I totally agree with you, 100%.

You are so lucky Haven but not all of us are that lucky. My parents are in MA and my husband''s are in CA. So unfortunately flying is a necessity for our family.

 

[charbie]

I think many will agree and have written that there is a huge difference between a crying baby who can''t express what they need and a grumpy raging toddler. The situation this article kenny linked to refers to the fact that a safety video was not able to be heard due to the disturbance this child created. If my personal safety is harmed bc a passenger missed the saftey warnings, I''m sorry, I would want the child off the plane.

And I know I''m being sensitive since the last two red eye flights I took had screaming kids on board. Maybe the parents booked the late flight hoping the kids would sleep, but it didn''t help that in both instances they gave the chilren soda...hence causing more issues.