Ring cold feet.... What is wrong with me

[Cerulean]

I just want to say that I love the responses in this thread. We’re all so different and we all approach jewellery differently, but we always seem to come to consensus on the #ImportantStuff!

So I guess I’ll just echo the consensus! You’re allowed to feel however you feel. No expectations. But don’t act on those feelings until you’re sure of your choice - give yourself several months to be sure.

I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t actually like wearing jewellery. I’m really easy on jewellery, generally, but it’s a mental weight - knowing it’s on and knowing I need to be careful. That’s one of the biggest reasons earrings are my favourite type of jewellery - I’m not knocking my ears into things, no need to be careful wearing them!

But even though I say “I don’t like wearing jewellery”… My engagement ring needs to be at least somewhat wearable, for me. I had a seven stone at one point (I still have the mount)… It’s sculpture in precious metals. It’s not the least bit wearable except in name only. I was absolutely terrified of damaging it - even though it’s insured it’s truly irreplaceable. I never ever wore it. Not okay, even for me. My current ring is delicate and I still don’t wear it regularly, but I can put it on every now and then and not feel haunted by spectres of Fate and Destruction.

May I recommend talking with your husband? He shares your financial situation so of course his perspective would be most meaningful to you, even without the ‘husband’ bit A few months ago I redid my jewellery insurance policy. I keep details on pieces so it wasn’t hard to sort and tally everything up, but I’d never done it before, and the totality was shocking. I felt so guilty. All that money gone to… Pretty things that my husband can’t even share!? At least paintings are on the wall for everyone to enjoy!! I spent a couple days feeling too guilty to even talk to him about it. But then I did and… The man doesn’t give two figs about jewellery, honestly. He thinks it’s frivolous, ridiculous, and pointless. So his reassurance that we can afford it so my happiness is worth it - all that guilt evaporated nearly instantaneously. I don’t know how your husband views your sparklies but I rather imagine he’ll encourage you to try to squelch any worries about the extravagance just like mine did

Not to hijack this thread, but I was JUST poking around your old threads and looking at your trellis settings.

I was genuinely curious about their wearability and had just sent you a message because they are so pretty.

 

[PreRaphaelite]

Just my experience:

I stopped wearing rings altogether during covid and haven't started back up wearing them yet. But I've kept buying the ones that *sing* to me, and they sit in my jewellery case waiting to be worn. I take each one out every few days and slip them on and admire them, but then put them away again. I've thought about letting them go because my heart just isn't in it right now. But I have regretted selling things, in the past. So, I think in my case, I should wait.

Habit is a powerful thing.

For example, if you had a Picasso (or in my preference, a JW Waterhouse) on the wall, and you get a bit bored or slightly unmoved by it sometimes, that doesn't make you wrong, and it doesn't devalue the painting. The human eye becomes accustomed to things, even the most beautiful and compelling things. Galleries and museums change wall colors, rehang art in different groupings to change contexts, change lighting hue and placement, bring in new people to curate, and all that, for exactly this reason. Even the most beautiful things need to be put away for a while to refresh the eye, and the heart. But museums don't usually let the good ones go.

Your experience is perfectly valid. Please give yourself some time and space in which to decide what your heart wants!

 

[seaurchin]

This happens to me now and then, especially with jewelry (and home decor). I think the issue is just that by definition, you are dealing with incomplete information when you purchase something, whether you buy it online or in person or have it made.

Even if you carefully think it through, that's still theoretical and not necessarily the same as how it actually fits in your life. You can't always know ahead of time that you won't be able to get over the irritated feeling of wearing a ring even for an amazing ring any more than how you'll actually feel if it attracts more notice from others than you expected or if you'll start to worry about it being lost or stolen too much, or other factors. And it feels worse when it's an expensive item.

Fortunately, you can change your mind, even though you might take some degree of financial loss. You could have it re-fashioned into a pendant or bracelet, sell it or just put it in the safe or safety deposit box for now and see what you think in a few months. You are definitely not alone in having a change of heart over a diamond ring!

 

[MillieLou]

Thank you so much to everyone for all the replies! They are more helpful than you know.

I was kind of in a similar boat. I bought a very beautiful ring and had no emotional response to it. Just like you I thought "Oh pretty", but I didn't feel anything.

I returned my new ring and went back to the ring that I fell in love with long ago ...but discarded due to some minor things because I needed things to be "perfect"

I'm looking at my old ring and I'm not bothered by its color or performance anymore. I love it, and always loved it I just didn't know it until I saw another "perfect" ring... which wasn't perfect for me

Have you ever had an attachment to another ring? ...or had an emotional response to a piece of jewelry? Sometimes what our head wants isn't a match to what our heart truly wants

Also if the amount of money you spent bothers you and it's right in your face every time you look at your ring... maybe it makes sense to return it and buy a smaller one?

Thinking about it, I haven't had an emotional response to another piece of my own jewellery - at least not right away. The pieces that are meaningful to me are ones that I've had a long time, that represent special occasions in my life, and the feeling of attachment has gradually developed over time. But now I think about it, the pieces I've had an immediate gut reaction of "oh gosh that's beautiful I wish I had that" on other people have been EC rings exactly like the one I have now! That's why I decided to go for it in the first place. It's good to remember that.

I'm exactly the same. Who do I think I am (as a swede, and in Scandinavia, it's a common "phenomenon" known as "Jantelagen")?

I wear studs and necklaces very often, but rings are a bit harder for me. I'm a clumsy individual and I gesticulate quite a lot. I'm so afraid of damaging the stone, or the setting, that I have a hard time wearing my engagement ring on a daily basis. Recently I have made an conscious effort of putting it on as often as I can (not when cleaning or exercising), and I think I'm starting to relax a bit more. My SO says that if something would happen we'll sort it out, it's not the end of the world.

Hope you feel better soon .

Yes it's the fact of the ring being on my hands and hampering my movements. But I don't like earrings or necklaces. I love the look, just not the feel and the burden of looking after it. There's a little voice in my head saying "you could get £X for it now, safely in the bank... but one bad knock and it's chipped and there's your money gone" I will look up Jantelagen! I'm glad there's a word for us!

I can completely empathize with you! I do enjoy wearing a wedding set, so I don't feel like you on that. But I recently got an amazing upgrade after wanting a large stone for my entire freaking adult life and going through 3 prior stones which carried varying degrees of "bad" feelings. So there was so much build up in my mind that this ring would just be perfect and make all those other feelings go away.

And I am struggling honestly. I also don't have any other luxury items. I feel embarrassed at how expensive it is! It would be bad taste to ask but if a close friend or my mom ever did I just wouldn't be able to admit what it cost. Even though we could comfortably afford it I still feel strange about it. The other things that we could have spent the money on, just investing it instead, doing something spectacular for my kids or as a family. I do believe that I deserve it and I knew I would struggle with this. So my mind is doing lots of things to try to sabotage my happiness during the return period: do I really need this, is it crazy to own something other than a car or house that is so valuable it needs insurance, is it too flashy (turns out no one has even noticed it enough to comment yet though!!), is this even the right stone/setting/style/wedding band, etc. And then the doubt causes more bad feelings because I feel like I owe it to my kind and patient husband to be over the moon happy at this point in the journey.

Some of us are just harder on ourselves than others. You do deserve this. Give it some time. But if it ends up being a net negative and you need it gone, that's ok to. But don't rush it right now.

I also went through 3 prior stones. And my mind is doing exactly the same things. We are kindred spirits when it comes to this! I am glad I'm not alone though I'm sorry you're going through the same process... I agree that not rushing is the key right now.

I felt that way when I was 25 so I put my ering into a safe deposit box and there it sat for 15 years. When I woke one day, burnt out from being a full time working mom and just hitting 40, I said to myself, where is all my damn stuff? Bling, pretty things, things just for me? I had put everything I earned into the family and not a single thing for me, nothing for anniversaries, birthdays, push presents. I mean I got cool fun stuff, casual clothes, a few purses, but nothing significant. NO JEWELRY, no trips, nothing. And I had deprived myself, and never conditioned my DH to get stuff for me either. (Damn I was easy.) Then I got started on catching up. I do wish I had treated myself for the first 15 years of my marriage.

Well, your journey is your journey. You gotta do what feels right for you. However, if I could give my younger self some advice, it would be get jewelry, get used to wearing it, even if it feels weird and not you. There are worse things to get used to.

I'm nearly 40 too and I want my stuff There's actually nothing else that I particularly want - which I guess makes it even more important to keep the one thing that I did really want... and perhaps will again once I get used to it? Maybe wearing more (not for housework / sleep / showering etc, but every day when I leave the house) is the way to grow accustomed to it physically?

First, I so appreciate you for starting this thread and for your and everyone’s candor. It’s why I like this community so much. We like jewelry because it produces emotions but sometimes those emotions are complex. And this is a safe space to talk about that.

It seems you still have some sorting out happening in terms of which feelings are coming from where, and I fully realize I just referenced complexity and am now going to talk about only one feeling, but - you wrote about fear of wearing the ring. So when I’m faced with a fear, it always helps to ask myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” From my vantage point, the worst is that someone steals the ring and you never see it again, or you bash the stone to smithereens. While you’ll never get back THAT stone, if you buy the good insurance, you’ll be made whole and will have the chance to replace it, right? Can you see yourself being ok with that (unlikely) scenario?

We put a lot of emphasis on perfection here, so it can be cringe-y to think about all the wear and tear we put on our “perfect” rings. But that’s the price of admission. For me, I tiptoed around for the longest time until human nature won out and I started to just … be. And the ring lives on! But I had to suffer a bit until I got to place where I’m, like, 90% certain that I can’t destroy it and totally ok with filing an insurance claim if that 10% chance of destruction happens.

I so agree with you on the safe space to talk about weird jewellery emotions here - there is literally nowhere else I can bring this up without sounding absolutely unhinged. "Oh my diamond ring is too uncomfortable" like what the heck sort of problem is that

Worst case scenario is a good way to think about it. I think I need to revisit the subject of insurance properly. I think I would be OK if I could replace it but worry about the knock-on effect on my other insurance premiums as I would have to declare that I had claimed for some years afterwards.

No criticism here. Jewelry is a luxury as it is not necessary. It is easy to see and understand the conflict. Then you realize it is not cheap and we all have love/hate relationships with money. Throw some guilt in the mix and you can literally see the stomach churning!
Wearing diamond rings really can be an imposition. You have to be careful with them on. However, in the house especially, it is easy to be free of them. I would not feel that I had to wear them all of the time but if they don’t bring you pleasure when you are out and about or at least for dress up, then maybe they really aren’t for you. I would give yourself more time to explore your feelings before deciding to sell. If all the things listed above make you crazy, there is nothing like a good dose of regret to send you over the edge!
I think your new ring is beautiful but I can’t help but wonder - did you think it would be the perfect ring but now it is not? Is there something about the diamond or setting that you don’t really care for? If you sold the ring, would you put the money in a separate account just for yourself - for something else - or would you just fold it back in the household and not remember what you spent it on? I don’t like wasting money but will spend good money on something I really want. I want to see something special for the money so I would hate to see you sell it only to spend it on this or that and have nothing to show for it at the end of the day. This money was spent on you so if sold, the ring money should be put away just for you - know what I mean? Spend it on a down payment for a car or new bedroom furniture or something that you will remember ‘trading’ the ring for so that you won’t feel that all is lost.
You may change your mind completely about it in time. Because jewelry is a personal luxury, it is nice when it brings pleasure and not angst. Insurance helps prevent the fear of losing or having something stolen and I am sorry to hear that insurance is difficult where you are located. Some don’t believe in it and while I understand their rationale, it is the very thing that allows me to wear and enjoy my best pieces without fear.
Above all else, don’t feel bad about your feelings. As you can see, many others have lots of thoughts and feelings about theirs too. Don’t spend time beating yourself up about it - the noise from that may be drowning out your deepest thoughts and feelings about it.

You've articulated my jumbled feelings really well here, and given me a lot to think about. Now you mention it - no, I wouldn't earmark it for anything else. There's nothing else I want. It would be subsumed into household expenses. Effectively it would be numbers in a bank account as we have what we need and the ring does not deprive us of anything or even significantly impact our savings goals. If I gave it up it would be frittered on child / house stuff I'm sure - and I might then resent having to spend on things having given up the thing I really wanted for myself.

There is honestly nothing about the diamond or setting that I don't like (other than the "having something on my hands" issue). It really is my dream diamond in every way. I know a K might not be everyone's preference but I honestly prefer warmer colours. It's eye clean, beautifully cut, my preferred ratio, and the setting is just perfect. It's definitely me that's the problem Maybe it's the very perfection that makes me think, I've got everything I wanted... the pursuit is finally over... oh.

Your use of the words “finally” and “dream” suggest that even if you don’t wear it, you would regret selling it.

Yup... I think you might be right...!

I think jewelry is meant to be worn, and if not worn, I guess some people just get joy out of looking at in the box. If neither is happening for you @MillieLou , then yes, maybe put it away for a while and then try again, but if that doesn't work, I'd say sell it and put the money into something that does make you happy, or put the funds away until you figure out what does. I wouldn't wait 10 or 15 years to figure out if you want to wear it.

Good thought. I will give it time. There are options other than immediately selling or committing to keep forever, you are right.

I feel this way about high-end bags. Which are a fraction of the cost my ering or a lot of my jewelry, for that matter. I have no idea why the thought of babying my LV’s is so excruciating but my Jewelry is no big deal. I don’t have an answer for you except that I avoid my purses. They are locked up. I only have a couple now. But I can wear my anywhere and never leave home without it.

Thank you for the solidarity. Luckily I never got into purses. Mine is a £30 half-price-sale job, bought 16 years ago by my mother; I borrowed it from her for a job interview and never returned it...

give it time
dont over think it
when your ready get used to wearing it

Very wise words Thank you.

@MillieLou I think my jewellery insurance is an add-on (very expensive add-on!!!) to our household policy. The Insurance company insisted we upgraded our safe and Bella is insured if I’m wearing her or she’s in the safe.

In terms of getting used to wearing such a big diamond, I found it remarkably easy Honestly, I don’t live in a high crime area, and after the last awful 18 months, I now wear her whenever I leave the house, even if I’m only going to the supermarket. I take care not to ram my hand in to things, but otherwise, I put her on and enjoy.

Thank you for this, that's very helpful. I will look into it more with my household insurance.

I just want to say that I love the responses in this thread. We’re all so different and we all approach jewellery differently, but we always seem to come to consensus on the #ImportantStuff!

So I guess I’ll just echo the consensus! You’re allowed to feel however you feel. No expectations. But don’t act on those feelings until you’re sure of your choice - give yourself several months to be sure.

I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t actually like wearing jewellery. I’m really easy on jewellery, generally, but it’s a mental weight - knowing it’s on and knowing I need to be careful. That’s one of the biggest reasons earrings are my favourite type of jewellery - I’m not knocking my ears into things, no need to be careful wearing them!

But even though I say “I don’t like wearing jewellery”… My engagement ring needs to be at least somewhat wearable, for me. I had a seven stone at one point (I still have the mount)… It’s sculpture in precious metals. It’s not the least bit wearable except in name only. I was absolutely terrified of damaging it - even though it’s insured it’s truly irreplaceable. I never ever wore it. Not okay, even for me. My current ring is delicate and I still don’t wear it regularly, but I can put it on every now and then and not feel haunted by spectres of Fate and Destruction.

May I recommend talking with your husband? He shares your financial situation so of course his perspective would be most meaningful to you, even without the ‘husband’ bit A few months ago I redid my jewellery insurance policy. I keep details on pieces so it wasn’t hard to sort and tally everything up, but I’d never done it before, and the totality was shocking. I felt so guilty. All that money gone to… Pretty things that my husband can’t even share!? At least paintings are on the wall for everyone to enjoy!! I spent a couple days feeling too guilty to even talk to him about it. But then I did and… The man doesn’t give two figs about jewellery, honestly. He thinks it’s frivolous, ridiculous, and pointless. So his reassurance that we can afford it so my happiness is worth it - all that guilt evaporated nearly instantaneously. I don’t know how your husband views your sparklies but I rather imagine he’ll encourage you to try to squelch any worries about the extravagance just like mine did

This is very good advice. My DH is much more laid back about money than I am. I am the one who obsesses over savings and being frugal. He would laugh at me (my mind-changing over jewellery is a running joke) and then tell me to just enjoy it.

Just my experience:

I stopped wearing rings altogether during covid and haven't started back up wearing them yet. But I've kept buying the ones that *sing* to me, and they sit in my jewellery case waiting to be worn. I take each one out every few days and slip them on and admire them, but then put them away again. I've thought about letting them go because my heart just isn't in it right now. But I have regretted selling things, in the past. So, I think in my case, I should wait.

Habit is a powerful thing.

For example, if you had a Picasso (or in my preference, a JW Waterhouse) on the wall, and you get a bit bored or slightly unmoved by it sometimes, that doesn't make you wrong, and it doesn't devalue the painting. The human eye becomes accustomed to things, even the most beautiful and compelling things. Galleries and museums change wall colors, rehang art in different groupings to change contexts, change lighting hue and placement, bring in new people to curate, and all that, for exactly this reason. Even the most beautiful things need to be put away for a while to refresh the eye, and the heart. But museums don't usually let the good ones go.

Your experience is perfectly valid. Please give yourself some time and space in which to decide what your heart wants!

This is a really good point. When I first put it on it looked massive and I thought, I'm never going to be able to wear this out, it looks ridiculous. Then my eyes adjusted and now it looks kind of ordinary. I don't have shrinkage in the sense that I wouldn't want bigger, but I have "becoming-accustomed-to-it-age". But then I see it in different lighting and am struck by how beautiful it is again.

Yep, time and space is the thing I think.

Thank you all SO much again

 

[MillieLou]

This happens to me now and then, especially with jewelry (and home decor). I think the issue is just that by definition, you are dealing with incomplete information when you purchase something, whether you buy it online or in person or have it made.

Even if you carefully think it through, that's still theoretical and not necessarily the same as how it actually fits in your life. You can't always know ahead of time that you won't be able to get over the irritated feeling of wearing a ring even for an amazing ring any more than how you'll actually feel if it attracts more notice from others than you expected or if you'll start to worry about it being lost or stolen too much, or other factors. And it feels worse when it's an expensive item.

Fortunately, you can change your mind, even though you might take some degree of financial loss. You could have it re-fashioned into a pendant or bracelet, sell it or just put it in the safe or safety deposit box for now and see what you think in a few months. You are definitely not alone in having a change of heart over a diamond ring!

Thank you @seaurchin - I actually remember one of your old threads (I think it was yours - about downsizing?) when you mentioned the feeling of unease from having a costly ring, and the mental burden this brings. I relate to that for sure.

 

[diamondhoarder]

I finally got my dream ring - 2 carat EC, beautiful cut, ideal (for me) specs, perfect setting. It's lovely and exactly what I wanted.

And now...

... I've remembered I don't actually like wearing jewellery
... I find it annoying to have something on my hands that isn't a plain band (the setting is as smooth as can be, and I had the same issue with a full bezel in the past - it's me not the setting)
... I worry about damaging it
... I worry about it being stolen (I don't tend to lose things but if someone broke in / mugged me / whatever it would go - and insurance options in the UK are very expensive and poor for jewellery, and claiming would significantly impact my other insurance premiums)
--- I don't really have "special occasions" to wear it to, even in non-Covid times - I have a very casual lifestyle - so what exactly is the point?

I like the idea of jewellery but owning it and wearing it... not so much. I don't own any other costly or luxury possessions. You'd think I would have considered this BEFORE spending all that money on it, wouldn't you? But I keep thinking, if only I find the perfect one, it will be OK.

I've put it away for a few days and feel a sense of relief that I can use my hands properly, not have to worry about anything. I don't miss it. I take it out and look at it, and think "oh pretty" but not the deep sense of joy and fulfilment I thought I'd feel

After casually chatting at the jewellers, I was offered much more than I expected for it, upfront (albeit still a significant loss to what I paid - but that money is spent). So, now I'm also thinking I could have that nice chunk of money in my bank account, comfortable free hands and a carefree mind. It's very tempting.

I don't know if anyone else feels like this, and what they did about it.

Please be gentle, I know I'm an idiot

MillieLou, your post is really timely because I have been having some similar mixed feelings myself about my "perfect, ticks all the boxes, longed-for over many years", asscher ring. My reasons for my "wobble" are a little different to yours. I do actually love wearing rings and jewellery, and have come to terms with the risks involved and have suitable insurance in place (more on that later).

When I first got the ring I was over the moon with it. But then I started comparing it to a couple of the other (smaller) fancy cut diamond rings I (accidently ) bought along the way over the years whilst searching for my asscher. The asscher is the most expensive ring I own, and yet somehow the joy of owning it is not proportionate to the cost, especially compared to the other rings in my collection which were all less expensive but either particularly meaningful, or serendipitous finds.

This was already troubling me, and I had already been having an internal debate with myself whether I should sell it, upgrade it to a larger size to really blow the others out of the water, or to put it away for a while and not do anything rash. Then I happened upon my latest (and probably most serendipitous) find - the tycoon cut ring I recently posted about on SMTB, and that has only increased my concerns about the asscher even more.

I'm having trouble identifying why the diamond I had idealised and searched for over such a long period of time should be causing me what you aptly referred to as "ring cold feet". I think that my issue may be partly feelings of anti-climax (the search is over) mixed in with a little guilt about having those funds tied up in 1 ring, when I have others which I find intensely satifying that were less expensive and are lower maintenance too (don't need the level of cleaning that the asscher requires).

So I can definitely relate to you feelings of confusion about why, when you get the ring you have wanted and dreamed about for so long, you find yourself wondering if you should sell it, and then end up questioning your own sanity

However, having said all of the above, when I read your post my first instinct was to advise caution and time to let the dust settle before making a decision you might regret. I think that anything new we have whether jewellery, a new haircut, new style of clothing etc can take time to adjust to and get used to. It certainly doesnt mean that the new purchase was a mistake. In fact it is often something you look back on in the future and say to yourself "that was a great decision/ purchase" even if you take a little time to get to that point. Your ring is objectively beautiful and perfect so you know that you have something to treasure which was a well researched and considered purchase.

I too am in the UK, and have at times wondered how comfortable I will feel wearing a special item out and about, whether I will attract the wrong attention/ feel uncomfortable etc. But it didnt actually take me too long to get over that. There is always someone around who has something bigger/ better/ more noticeable than you, just as there will be others who prefer less bling or even no bling at all, and here in the UK people dont pay that much attention to it anyway, unless they are huge bling enthusiasts themselves. I have no special events or places to be that warrants wearing much jewellery, but the fact it, its beautiful and it makes me happy to see it twinkling in different lighting conditions, even if that is just under the trees in partial sunlight when I'm walking in the park

As far as the worry about loss, damage and theft, once you have suitable insurance you can put those worries aside and just enjoy your ring. I have my items covered under my home insurance as that is the best, least expensive and most comprehensive method of cover. Try Zurich - they offer a great policy and seem to be very flexible with their terms as well. I have never had to make a claim but the peace of mind from knowing everything is covered does allow me to enjoy what I have without the worry about loss or damage.

As for the comfort issue, I cant really advise you there. Other than to say that I only ever liked rings on my ring fingers and found middle or index finger rings to be a nuisance. But I had my Tycoon ring sized for middle finger wear (in case I wanted to wear a band on my ring finger at the same time) and I am getting used to wearing it that way and finding it less annoying the more I wear it. You have nothing to lose by "practising" wearing it a lot, as long as its insured. Maybe set yourself a target of daily wear for a whole month or longer, and see how you feel by the end of it.

But most of all, dont beat yourself up about having these doubts, and kudos to you for being honest enough to post about them. Hopefully the process of posting and seeing all the replies from fellow bling enthusiasts who understand how tricky our thoughts and feelings around our jewellery choices can be will help you make sense of it all.

 

[Ibrakeforpossums]

This may not be helpful but I've found that if you spend more than you should on a ring and you do it out of anger and resentment, it's very satisfying.

 

[canuk-gal]

I felt that way when I was 25 so I put my ering into a safe deposit box and there it sat for 15 years. When I woke one day, burnt out from being a full time working mom and just hitting 40, I said to myself, where is all my damn stuff? Bling, pretty things, things just for me? I had put everything I earned into the family and not a single thing for me, nothing for anniversaries, birthdays, push presents. I mean I got cool fun stuff, casual clothes, a few purses, but nothing significant. NO JEWELRY, no trips, nothing. And I had deprived myself, and never conditioned my DH to get stuff for me either. (Damn I was easy.) Then I got started on catching up. I do wish I had treated myself for the first 15 years of my marriage.

Well, your journey is your journey. You gotta do what feels right for you. However, if I could give my younger self some advice, it would be get jewelry, get used to wearing it, even if it feels weird and not you. There are worse things to get used to.

Best line, evah!

 

[MillieLou]

Update: I'm keeping my damn stuff

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

reading @diamondhoarder 's post i am reminded of this thing i call post Bruce blues
i beleave it is actually a thing and is most probably applicable in this case

so just swap out Bruce Springsteen (or who ever) with jewlery ...so
you look forward to a concert for months/ years, the day finally arrives, you have a great time and the next day/ week etc you can't get out of bed
your on like a huge downer after a huge high, its not just me who has had this, its a real thing i promise

So you lust after this ring for so long
its a jurney - and dont they say the jurney is the important part
then after the long search, perhaps a long time saving the money, the design and manufacturing process
the shipping delays
then its fimally on your hand and its to die for beautiful
but the jurney is now over
you feel kind if empty but you dont know why ?

you kind of have to refocus/ rearrange your feelings and push forward to get past this
that ring is so worth it

 

[wifelife]

Update: I'm keeping my damn stuff

I think that is a great decision. Once it is gone you cannot undo the decision and get it back. But if you keep it you can always change your mind and sell at a later date.

 

[MissGotRocks]

So happy for you that you are keeping it! Always nice to have something special that is just for you. I hope as time goes by, you will get more wear out of it even if it is just for short periods of time. It is beautiful!!

 

[tyty333]

Thanks for starting this thread @MillieLou . A lot of good insight and good advice for those of us who suffer from anxious
or ambivalent feelings about upgrades. I fall more into the anxious category. I find it hard to spend that kind of money
on a luxury item for myself. It can be a curse but I'm working hard to overcome it!

 

[seaurchin]

Thank you @seaurchin - I actually remember one of your old threads (I think it was yours - about downsizing?) when you mentioned the feeling of unease from having a costly ring, and the mental burden this brings. I relate to that for sure.

I resolved everything pretty well but it took a while of thinking about it.

First, I got it insured. (Duh, right?)

Second, I sent it to David Klass to be re-set into a bangle bracelet. Now I can still see it but it doesn't get nearly as much notice as it did in an e-ring. So I feel safer and less "show-offy."

Third, my diamond has "zoned" coloring which had started to bother me in its pronged ring setting but it's barely noticeable in the closed-back bezel bracelet.

Fourth, sometimes I felt like I spent too much. I don't think it was too much for what I got but it was a lot for me. I decided to just stop that and enjoy my little luxury, but not spend anywhere near that much on any future pieces.

I am very pleased with my change-ups. But omg so much thought over one little rock. :p

 

[diamondyes]

I just want to say that I love the responses in this thread. We’re all so different and we all approach jewellery differently, but we always seem to come to consensus on the #ImportantStuff!

So I guess I’ll just echo the consensus! You’re allowed to feel however you feel. No expectations. But don’t act on those feelings until you’re sure of your choice - give yourself several months to be sure.

I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t actually like wearing jewellery. I’m really easy on jewellery, generally, but it’s a mental weight - knowing it’s on and knowing I need to be careful. That’s one of the biggest reasons earrings are my favourite type of jewellery - I’m not knocking my ears into things, no need to be careful wearing them!

But even though I say “I don’t like wearing jewellery”… My engagement ring needs to be at least somewhat wearable, for me. I had a seven stone at one point (I still have the mount)… It’s sculpture in precious metals. It’s not the least bit wearable except in name only. I was absolutely terrified of damaging it - even though it’s insured it’s truly irreplaceable. I never ever wore it. Not okay, even for me. My current ring is delicate and I still don’t wear it regularly, but I can put it on every now and then and not feel haunted by spectres of Fate and Destruction.

May I recommend talking with your husband? He shares your financial situation so of course his perspective would be most meaningful to you, even without the ‘husband’ bit A few months ago I redid my jewellery insurance policy. I keep details on pieces so it wasn’t hard to sort and tally everything up, but I’d never done it before, and the totality was shocking. I felt so guilty. All that money gone to… Pretty things that my husband can’t even share!? At least paintings are on the wall for everyone to enjoy!! I spent a couple days feeling too guilty to even talk to him about it. But then I did and… The man doesn’t give two figs about jewellery, honestly. He thinks it’s frivolous, ridiculous, and pointless. So his reassurance that we can afford it so my happiness is worth it - all that guilt evaporated nearly instantaneously. I don’t know how your husband views your sparklies but I rather imagine he’ll encourage you to try to squelch any worries about the extravagance just like mine did

Oh goodness I did that adding up, too, once! It was excruciating to face the total tally! I was quite distraught until I realized- how much do people spend on alcohol (something completely frivolous, in my humble opinion!) with absolutely nothing to show for it afterwards? Talk about fleeting!
So then I felt much better, because I seldom drink but often sparkle haha

 

[diamondyes]

Some thoughts:


Have you ever worn it every day for a week? Anything new on our body can feel foreign! Braces on the teeth, glasses in the face… I wonder if you’ve ever worn this ring around every day for a week. I suggest doing that as an experiment!

Another issues seems to be: Cost vs return of happiness. Does the proportion seem out of wack to you? Like a $40,000 ring should make you 40,000x happier than a $1000 ring? False math! Things don’t work that way. But perhaps you could ask yourself- what value would you feel comfortable wearing on your finger?

And this relates to my next point: value and worth. I recently listened to a podcast interview between Tom Ferriss and Ramit Sethi. Ramit talks about “money dials” - turning up the dial and spending greatly on things we love the most. He has met many people that are frugal forever, even when they start making 6 or 7 figures a year! They practiced saving SO WELL, that they never learned how to spend. I’ve listened to his interview twice because it make such a big impression on me, and made me realize it’s ok to dive in and ENJOY this jewelry passion. It’s my money dial! I could care less about clothes or travel. Jewelry is my thing, and spending on it makes me happy! Once I released myself from the guilt, it was an amazing feeling.

anyways, wishing you all the best on this journey!

 

[diamondyes]

This was the episode, I wonder if it would give you some epiphanies like it did for me.

Ramit Sethi — How to Play Offense with Money, Plan Bucket Lists, Build a Rich Life with Your Partner, and Take a Powerful $100 Challenge (#524) - The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss

Interview with Ramit Sethi on The Tim Ferriss Show podcast

www.google.ca

 

[MillieLou]

Right, got a bit more time now to reply to posts!

MillieLou, your post is really timely because I have been having some similar mixed feelings myself about my "perfect, ticks all the boxes, longed-for over many years", asscher ring. My reasons for my "wobble" are a little different to yours. I do actually love wearing rings and jewellery, and have come to terms with the risks involved and have suitable insurance in place (more on that later).

When I first got the ring I was over the moon with it. But then I started comparing it to a couple of the other (smaller) fancy cut diamond rings I (accidently ) bought along the way over the years whilst searching for my asscher. The asscher is the most expensive ring I own, and yet somehow the joy of owning it is not proportionate to the cost, especially compared to the other rings in my collection which were all less expensive but either particularly meaningful, or serendipitous finds.

This was already troubling me, and I had already been having an internal debate with myself whether I should sell it, upgrade it to a larger size to really blow the others out of the water, or to put it away for a while and not do anything rash. Then I happened upon my latest (and probably most serendipitous) find - the tycoon cut ring I recently posted about on SMTB, and that has only increased my concerns about the asscher even more.

I'm having trouble identifying why the diamond I had idealised and searched for over such a long period of time should be causing me what you aptly referred to as "ring cold feet". I think that my issue may be partly feelings of anti-climax (the search is over) mixed in with a little guilt about having those funds tied up in 1 ring, when I have others which I find intensely satifying that were less expensive and are lower maintenance too (don't need the level of cleaning that the asscher requires).

So I can definitely relate to you feelings of confusion about why, when you get the ring you have wanted and dreamed about for so long, you find yourself wondering if you should sell it, and then end up questioning your own sanity

However, having said all of the above, when I read your post my first instinct was to advise caution and time to let the dust settle before making a decision you might regret. I think that anything new we have whether jewellery, a new haircut, new style of clothing etc can take time to adjust to and get used to. It certainly doesnt mean that the new purchase was a mistake. In fact it is often something you look back on in the future and say to yourself "that was a great decision/ purchase" even if you take a little time to get to that point. Your ring is objectively beautiful and perfect so you know that you have something to treasure which was a well researched and considered purchase.

I too am in the UK, and have at times wondered how comfortable I will feel wearing a special item out and about, whether I will attract the wrong attention/ feel uncomfortable etc. But it didnt actually take me too long to get over that. There is always someone around who has something bigger/ better/ more noticeable than you, just as there will be others who prefer less bling or even no bling at all, and here in the UK people dont pay that much attention to it anyway, unless they are huge bling enthusiasts themselves. I have no special events or places to be that warrants wearing much jewellery, but the fact it, its beautiful and it makes me happy to see it twinkling in different lighting conditions, even if that is just under the trees in partial sunlight when I'm walking in the park

As far as the worry about loss, damage and theft, once you have suitable insurance you can put those worries aside and just enjoy your ring. I have my items covered under my home insurance as that is the best, least expensive and most comprehensive method of cover. Try Zurich - they offer a great policy and seem to be very flexible with their terms as well. I have never had to make a claim but the peace of mind from knowing everything is covered does allow me to enjoy what I have without the worry about loss or damage.

As for the comfort issue, I cant really advise you there. Other than to say that I only ever liked rings on my ring fingers and found middle or index finger rings to be a nuisance. But I had my Tycoon ring sized for middle finger wear (in case I wanted to wear a band on my ring finger at the same time) and I am getting used to wearing it that way and finding it less annoying the more I wear it. You have nothing to lose by "practising" wearing it a lot, as long as its insured. Maybe set yourself a target of daily wear for a whole month or longer, and see how you feel by the end of it.

But most of all, dont beat yourself up about having these doubts, and kudos to you for being honest enough to post about them. Hopefully the process of posting and seeing all the replies from fellow bling enthusiasts who understand how tricky our thoughts and feelings around our jewellery choices can be will help you make sense of it all.

This was really helpful, thank you. I was tying myself up in knots with the "cost proportional to enjoyment" issue. Then I realised that this is what I want, this is what it costs, I can afford it, so... why invent weird mental rules and issues where there don't need to be?

I also think the "getting used to a new thing" aspect is key and one that I've overlooked. I often do need to get used to new physical things. I hate buying new clothes for this very reason - would much rather keep wearing my old worn out things that I am used to!

You are right, I don't think my ring or rings in general attract much attention in the UK (or at least, no one says anything) so this aspect hasn't bothered me. I will look into Zurich, thank you.

This may not be helpful but I've found that if you spend more than you should on a ring and you do it out of anger and resentment, it's very satisfying.

Haha I need to summon up some anger and resentment, maybe that's what's missing

reading @diamondhoarder 's post i am reminded of this thing i call post Bruce blues
i beleave it is actually a thing and is most probably applicable in this case

so just swap out Bruce Springsteen (or who ever) with jewlery ...so
you look forward to a concert for months/ years, the day finally arrives, you have a great time and the next day/ week etc you can't get out of bed
your on like a huge downer after a huge high, its not just me who has had this, its a real thing i promise

So you lust after this ring for so long
its a jurney - and dont they say the jurney is the important part
then after the long search, perhaps a long time saving the money, the design and manufacturing process
the shipping delays
then its fimally on your hand and its to die for beautiful
but the jurney is now over
you feel kind if empty but you dont know why ?

you kind of have to refocus/ rearrange your feelings and push forward to get past this
that ring is so worth it

There is so much of this. The build-up is so exciting, there is so much mental energy focused on it, and then - nothing. Well, at least there's a ring to enjoy at the end of it

I think that is a great decision. Once it is gone you cannot undo the decision and get it back. But if you keep it you can always change your mind and sell at a later date.

So happy for you that you are keeping it! Always nice to have something special that is just for you. I hope as time goes by, you will get more wear out of it even if it is just for short periods of time. It is beautiful!!

Thank you! I think I will

Thanks for starting this thread @MillieLou . A lot of good insight and good advice for those of us who suffer from anxious
or ambivalent feelings about upgrades. I fall more into the anxious category. I find it hard to spend that kind of money
on a luxury item for myself. It can be a curse but I'm working hard to overcome it!

It's been so helpful for me and I'm glad if others have found it useful too. Sometimes we can feel alone when everyone else seems uncomplicatedly delighted with their beautiful new stuff, like, you know, normal people Sometimes I've wondered when I see people putting things up for sale quite soon after a SMTB when they seemed really happy, but haven't really seen what's behind it and didn't want to pry.

I am also not used luxury spending and it makes me uncomfortable as a general rule, but this is my Thing and I do really want it.

I resolved everything pretty well but it took a while of thinking about it.

First, I got it insured. (Duh, right?)

Second, I sent it to David Klass to be re-set into a bangle bracelet. Now I can still see it but it doesn't get nearly as much notice as it did in an e-ring. So I feel safer and less "show-offy."

Third, my diamond has "zoned" coloring which had started to bother me in its pronged ring setting but it's barely noticeable in the closed-back bezel bracelet.

Fourth, sometimes I felt like I spent too much. I don't think it was too much for what I got but it was a lot for me. I decided to just stop that and enjoy my little luxury, but not spend anywhere near that much on any future pieces.

I am very pleased with my change-ups. But omg so much thought over one little rock. :p

That is so beautiful! What an amazing solution. It's really good to read how you managed your feelings about it without losing such a beauty.

Some thoughts:


Have you ever worn it every day for a week? Anything new on our body can feel foreign! Braces on the teeth, glasses in the face… I wonder if you’ve ever worn this ring around every day for a week. I suggest doing that as an experiment!

Another issues seems to be: Cost vs return of happiness. Does the proportion seem out of wack to you? Like a $40,000 ring should make you 40,000x happier than a $1000 ring? False math! Things don’t work that way. But perhaps you could ask yourself- what value would you feel comfortable wearing on your finger?

And this relates to my next point: value and worth. I recently listened to a podcast interview between Tom Ferriss and Ramit Sethi. Ramit talks about “money dials” - turning up the dial and spending greatly on things we love the most. He has met many people that are frugal forever, even when they start making 6 or 7 figures a year! They practiced saving SO WELL, that they never learned how to spend. I’ve listened to his interview twice because it make such a big impression on me, and made me realize it’s ok to dive in and ENJOY this jewelry passion. It’s my money dial! I could care less about clothes or travel. Jewelry is my thing, and spending on it makes me happy! Once I released myself from the guilt, it was an amazing feeling.

anyways, wishing you all the best on this journey!

Wearing it every day to get used to it... another thing that seems so obvious now but didn't occur to me I am doing that now and yes, it's working! Now I think about it, it was a nightmare back when I wore glasses and had to get a new pair. I would be miserable for a week, but then something magical would happen and it would feel that I'd worn them forever.

I watched that podcast - it was incredibly interesting. The idea of turning up a money dial for a passion is a great one. I think a big part of the issue was the cognitive dissonance of "how can I be a frugal person if I've bought a £XXXX ring". This conceptualization has given me a way to manage that.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I have found that I love looking at gemstone and diamond pictures online. I love the pursuit of buying them. I love how they are beautiful, some rare, and likely to be admired by others. I love the feeling of having these items. Wearing them, not so much. I have 3 custom rings that I have worn maybe two or three times for a couple hours each. Like you, I worry about damage or loss which would dampen the good feeling I get when I look at them.

Maybe it's a personality type? Coin collectors and collectors of rare books or other items don't wear their items yet they still covet and collect. We just choose to collect beautiful jewelry and stones.

 

[ksluice]

Like others have said, thank you for this thread @MillieLou! I have found everyone’s thoughtful comments useful, as well. I agree with so much of what has been said, but I would especially stress the point of how important emotion and commemoration is to my feeling connected to my jewelry. I suspect being a doctor, you’re a pretty logical and rational person, and I wonder if the long journey, enjoyable for its own reasons, might have managed to disconnect you somewhat from what this upgrade is celebrating? 10 years deserves commemoration!

This might not apply to you as strongly, but the thing I realized is that there is a funny relationship between spending in noticeable way (which means something different for everyone, of course) and commemoration. I think it’s kind of about making a sacrifice to the emotion of the moment?

For most my life, I was totally one of those folks who didn’t need parties or gifts or anything to mark an achievement or holiday. The change of mind occurred when our only child was born. Right before he arrived we did something that I thought was frivolous and idiotic—we bought expensive watches and arranged to have them engraved. We called the store while still in the hospital to tell them his name and the date, and picked them up right after. I thought it was such a waste and so dumb, but I went along with it because of the DH. The watches cool and amazing bits of engineering and even sparkly, but I had all the ”what a waste of money” and “who do I think I am” and “this was a stupid thing to do” thoughts. Until about 3 years later, when OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT WATCH. If I wear it 3x a year its a lot (because I wear an apple watch most days, and am I supposed to wear 2 watches?), but it doesn’t matter because that is the watch of when our son was born. It sits up in my jewelry drawer beaming its specialness. I don’t even have to wear it.

And what I realized was a version of the “where is all my damn stuff?!” —where is my tally of a life well lived/the things that I am proud of? I think in the end the best jewelry is all about emotion, there is nothing rational about 2 or 3, or even say a 5 carat ring. It’s all emotion in the end.

I am so happy you’re keeping your beautiful ring. What if you did something to remind you of why you went on the quest in the first place? Maybe get it engraved on your 11th? “From 10 years to 11 and on..” or some other meaningful thing to anchor it for you? Or maybe, having gone through your cold feet period, it will always be a reminder to say “Silenzio Bruno!” to all those impulses to talk ourselves out of the happy.

 

[tyty333]

For a second there I was thinking “Silenzio Bruno!” was a Shakespearean quote!

 

[diamondhoarder]

Right, got a bit more time now to reply to posts!



This was really helpful, thank you. I was tying myself up in knots with the "cost proportional to enjoyment" issue. Then I realised that this is what I want, this is what it costs, I can afford it, so... why invent weird mental rules and issues where there don't need to be?

I also think the "getting used to a new thing" aspect is key and one that I've overlooked. I often do need to get used to new physical things. I hate buying new clothes for this very reason - would much rather keep wearing my old worn out things that I am used to!

You are right, I don't think my ring or rings in general attract much attention in the UK (or at least, no one says anything) so this aspect hasn't bothered me. I will look into Zurich, thank you.

I'm glad that my ramblings were helpful. And so pleased that you are feeling more comfortable with your beautiful new ring.

 

[diamondyes]

Like others have said, thank you for this thread @MillieLou! I have found everyone’s thoughtful comments useful, as well. I agree with so much of what has been said, but I would especially stress the point of how important emotion and commemoration is to my feeling connected to my jewelry. I suspect being a doctor, you’re a pretty logical and rational person, and I wonder if the long journey, enjoyable for its own reasons, might have managed to disconnect you somewhat from what this upgrade is celebrating? 10 years deserves commemoration!

This might not apply to you as strongly, but the thing I realized is that there is a funny relationship between spending in noticeable way (which means something different for everyone, of course) and commemoration. I think it’s kind of about making a sacrifice to the emotion of the moment?

For most my life, I was totally one of those folks who didn’t need parties or gifts or anything to mark an achievement or holiday. The change of mind occurred when our only child was born. Right before he arrived we did something that I thought was frivolous and idiotic—we bought expensive watches and arranged to have them engraved. We called the store while still in the hospital to tell them his name and the date, and picked them up right after. I thought it was such a waste and so dumb, but I went along with it because of the DH. The watches cool and amazing bits of engineering and even sparkly, but I had all the ”what a waste of money” and “who do I think I am” and “this was a stupid thing to do” thoughts. Until about 3 years later, when OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT WATCH. If I wear it 3x a year its a lot (because I wear an apple watch most days, and am I supposed to wear 2 watches?), but it doesn’t matter because that is the watch of when our son was born. It sits up in my jewelry drawer beaming its specialness. I don’t even have to wear it.

And what I realized was a version of the “where is all my damn stuff?!” —where is my tally of a life well lived/the things that I am proud of? I think in the end the best jewelry is all about emotion, there is nothing rational about 2 or 3, or even say a 5 carat ring. It’s all emotion in the end.

I am so happy you’re keeping your beautiful ring. What if you did something to remind you of why you went on the quest in the first place? Maybe get it engraved on your 11th? “From 10 years to 11 and on..” or some other meaningful thing to anchor it for you? Or maybe, having gone through your cold feet period, it will always be a reminder to say “Silenzio Bruno!” to all those impulses to talk ourselves out of the happy.

“ I think in the end the best jewelry is all about emotion, there is nothing rational about 2 or 3, or even say a 5 carat ring. It’s all emotion in the end.”

omg amazing quote

 

[yesimazn]

I finally got my dream ring - 2 carat EC, beautiful cut, ideal (for me) specs, perfect setting. It's lovely and exactly what I wanted.

And now...

... I've remembered I don't actually like wearing jewellery
... I find it annoying to have something on my hands that isn't a plain band (the setting is as smooth as can be, and I had the same issue with a full bezel in the past - it's me not the setting)
... I worry about damaging it
... I worry about it being stolen (I don't tend to lose things but if someone broke in / mugged me / whatever it would go - and insurance options in the UK are very expensive and poor for jewellery, and claiming would significantly impact my other insurance premiums)
--- I don't really have "special occasions" to wear it to, even in non-Covid times - I have a very casual lifestyle - so what exactly is the point?

I like the idea of jewellery but owning it and wearing it... not so much. I don't own any other costly or luxury possessions. You'd think I would have considered this BEFORE spending all that money on it, wouldn't you? But I keep thinking, if only I find the perfect one, it will be OK.

I've put it away for a few days and feel a sense of relief that I can use my hands properly, not have to worry about anything. I don't miss it. I take it out and look at it, and think "oh pretty" but not the deep sense of joy and fulfilment I thought I'd feel

After casually chatting at the jewellers, I was offered much more than I expected for it, upfront (albeit still a significant loss to what I paid - but that money is spent). So, now I'm also thinking I could have that nice chunk of money in my bank account, comfortable free hands and a carefree mind. It's very tempting.

I don't know if anyone else feels like this, and what they did about it.

Please be gentle, I know I'm an idiot

I'm looking for a 2carat for my wife i can buy it off you!

 

[Dizzie]

Dear MillieLou, I just wanted to say, that I love your ring and I think you did an awesome job choosing it. Take some time, allow yourself time to adjust and to get used to fact that this treasure is yours and your are the rightful, well deserved owner of it.

If after several months you still decide to sell it, you will be very sure that it is a right decision for you. And do offer it hier on PS first. I am sure there will be people willing to buy it. I would be surely one of those, as I absolutely adore your ring

 

[Tourmaline]

I'm looking for a 2carat for my wife i can buy it off you!

The ring that belongs to the OP, which she has decided to keep, is an emerald cut, and you are looking for a round.

 

[misscamels]

I finally got my dream ring - 2 carat EC, beautiful cut, ideal (for me) specs, perfect setting. It's lovely and exactly what I wanted.

And now...

... I've remembered I don't actually like wearing jewellery
... I find it annoying to have something on my hands that isn't a plain band (the setting is as smooth as can be, and I had the same issue with a full bezel in the past - it's me not the setting)
... I worry about damaging it
... I worry about it being stolen (I don't tend to lose things but if someone broke in / mugged me / whatever it would go - and insurance options in the UK are very expensive and poor for jewellery, and claiming would significantly impact my other insurance premiums)
--- I don't really have "special occasions" to wear it to, even in non-Covid times - I have a very casual lifestyle - so what exactly is the point?

I like the idea of jewellery but owning it and wearing it... not so much. I don't own any other costly or luxury possessions. You'd think I would have considered this BEFORE spending all that money on it, wouldn't you? But I keep thinking, if only I find the perfect one, it will be OK.

I've put it away for a few days and feel a sense of relief that I can use my hands properly, not have to worry about anything. I don't miss it. I take it out and look at it, and think "oh pretty" but not the deep sense of joy and fulfilment I thought I'd feel

After casually chatting at the jewellers, I was offered much more than I expected for it, upfront (albeit still a significant loss to what I paid - but that money is spent). So, now I'm also thinking I could have that nice chunk of money in my bank account, comfortable free hands and a carefree mind. It's very tempting.

I don't know if anyone else feels like this, and what they did about it.

Please be gentle, I know I'm an idiot

I have a ring like this too!
It’s beautiful and just sits in the box. It’s got a trendy thin band that just doesn’t work for my work/lifestyle. I’ve worn it around the house a few times but it doesn’t bring me joy. Do I regret buying it? Yeah kinda.

Hugs from one not-an-idiot to another.


(Told MrCamels that I’ll require three engagement rings- a proposal ring pop, the dream ring and one to wear to work so I don’t have to worry about hurting said dream ring. He told me that’s reasonableI am so glad he understands me! Also glad he’ll let me contribute so I have less guilt about costs. Anyone else much more frugal with their OH’s spending than their own?!?)

 

[Alybird]

I know the feeling of not liking to wear rings because of wanting the full freedom and use of your hands. It's the reason why although I have a nice engagement ring in beautiful 18kt yellow gold (and even though it is bezel set), I don't wear it because of the lifestyle that I choose that brings me more joy and fulfillment.

I'll never sell it though because the story behind it means a lot to me and it is one of my special pieces that I treasure.

As for my other 18kt yellow gold pieces from when I went through a spell of collecting very fine gold jewelry, I don't wear those anymore either. Rather, I wear 14kt gold pieces that look nice and are well-designed but are hard enough to withstand my active lifestyle and can be banged around.

That being said, I had a custom ring made with a sapphire that looked too baubly on my hand so I recently had it made into a simple solitaire pendant, which made it way more enjoyable to wear. Perhaps this is an option for you so you don't lose money *and* you can wear your beautiful stone!

I am also a Marie Kondo with stuff because material things require time, care and attention and if something isn't working for me, then it just bugs me. But before looking to get rid of something, I ask myself if it can be re-purposed or perhaps put toward something else that may be more appropriate and suitable.

Anyway, don't get rid of your diamond! It sounds like you appreciate it and take good care of it and you deserve it.

 

[Alybird]

Also, jewelry-buying has been very trial and error for me and it has taken me a long time to build up the discipline of appreciating certain pieces on others and admiring the craftsmanship and quality of a piece yet knowing it is not for me.

The good thing about diamonds is that they never go out of style and can be transformed into something that works with your lifestyle!

 

[Beagles]

This thread has been wonderful to read. It's so good to share these feelings, doubts, and even regrets with people who understand. In the past 2 years, I have sold most of my jewelry and kept maybe 5 special pieces. Now I'm beginning to look at a few things because I am bored with wearing the same things all the time.

Live and learn!